Would Dating Be Easier if I had a Vagina? | Kat Blaque

this video was brought to you by the lovely members of my patreon but still it was one of those things where i was like okay well maybe this guy is more into this post-op girl maybe that's the thing is he is comfortable being with trans women as long as they're post-op hey guys it's kai and it's time for another episode of true tea i want to thank you guys so much for joining me here for yet another episode of true tea thank you guys for coming back i know that sometimes i can be annoying thank you for coming back thank you for joining me thank you for being faithful i appreciate it so very much if you're brand new here what we like to do on this channel is learn share and grow through education and conversation and this is the conversation segment treaty is where i come and we hang out and we just have a conversation about whatever happens to be on my mind it's often messy it's often sloppy but it's honest that's all what it's all about i'm right sometimes and sometimes i'm wrong but either way i'm honest that's what true tea is all about so if you like having those kind of conversations i would highly suggest that you subscribe to this youtube channel because we do these videos every single tuesday and you don't want to miss one so yeah hopefully you guys do that anyway how are you guys what have you guys been up to i don't know how this is going to make me sound but i have been sleeping on the floor ever since i moved into this apartment i've been in this apartment for about a year and when i first moved here um my bed frame was stolen um i learned pretty quickly that in hollywood where i live you can't leave [ __ ] outside people will steal it and they will run and take it so um i have not had a bed frame until recently and i don't think i've ever known luxury until i had under bed storage like honestly i've never felt more expensive in my entire life i've literally been restructuring my entire apartment because now i have all of this extra space suddenly and i don't know what to do with myself so that is the newest thing in my life under bed storage i've never felt more expensive in my entire life so let me know what's new in your life in the comment section i always love hearing from you guys and knowing what's going on in your life i know sometimes the comments seem out of place but some of you guys comment every single week and i always remember who you are so just keep me updated i'd like to know what's going on in your life anyway we're going to be having a conversation about dating and the surgery but before we do i would highly suggest you go to your kitchen and grab yourself something to drink i'm drinking some fresca some narangha fresca i don't know if i'm saying it i took three years of spanish i don't know what i'm saying but that's what i'm drinking let me know it's in your mug in the comment box below so let me take a sip and let's get right into this so i wanted to do a video for you guys about whether or not my dating life would be easier if i were post-op or if i had had the surgery i know a lot of times in these videos i say things like yeah i know you know i know this is probably gonna be offensive and i probably shouldn't say this but and then what what follows after i say that is usually something that a lot of you guys don't see as offensive but i'm going to start out this conversation by saying that this is probably going to be a really insidious upsetting ass conversation so i'm going to say it i'm going to warn you guys but i'm still going to be honest but i'm going to just put it out there that this is probably going to be one of those videos y'all are going to be like cat you probably should have left that in in the drafts because it is what it is and i have some things to say some thoughts some thoughts and some feelings so let's get into it let's talk about it so this is often a conversation that comes up in transgender dating conversations you know this idea that dating would be different or better when you're post-op now there's a lot of transgender women who don't date or don't have sex with anybody until they're post-op because they don't feel content within their body and i think that is incredibly valid and makes a lot of sense right why would you have sex in a way that would make you feel dysphoric that doesn't make a that doesn't make any sense right and i also feel like it's important for me to mention because this i guess is relevant that i'm hashtag not like the other girls because i live a very different life than i think a lot of people who would be having this conversation i'm polyamorous i have five partners to me it's not a a terrible thing for partners that i'm with to desire a different such set of genitalia that's not something that i would judge them for i also date men who are pansexual and bisexual while most of them don't date cis men or haven't dated cis men yet i'm also somebody who doesn't really have a problem with that so a lot of the nuances of this conversation do sort of change for me because i'm not a person who would feel like a guy who has an attraction to any type of genitalia is a positive or negative we can only really talk about what would make somebody feel more or less dysphoric and for a lot of trans women being with a man who is attracted to their genitalia that they were born with is highly upsetting highly triggering and let's be clear before we get fur far in this video it's incredibly [ __ ] triggering for me i don't date men who are fixated on my genitalia i don't it's something that and i know that's very confusing for people and it's confusing for the men that i talk to occasionally i don't date men who care that's why a lot of reasons that's one of the big reasons why i date a lot of pansexual men because i don't like dating men who have a fixation on my genitalia or have projected these ideas and these meanings and all these other stuff on my genitalia i just like dating men who like dating me you know um and there's definitely been times where i've dated people in the past who you know it turns out that they were more into my genitalia than they professed um but the people that i'm dating now they're not people who care either way um and that's something that i think a lot of folks don't think exists but does um but that's me that's my that's what i i like and there's a whole other conversation to be had about fetishism and things and and and stuff around that because there's some there's a lot of people who believe that that a person can't be attracted to a trans person without fetishizing them and there's a lot of trans women who want the surgery who their reason for not wanting to be with people before surgery is because they don't want to be fetishized in that way and that makes a lot of sense why would you be open to being with somebody who likes you in a way that makes you uncomfortable right but that all being said i do think that in our dysphoria we often over correct and say this man can never desire me because i'm trans right this man has to desire me in a way that only reflects a cis woman or looks like a system or functions like a cis woman in order for his attraction to be valid and i'm sorry to say but it is very okay for somebody to be attracted to a trans body there's nothing wrong with that it may make you uncomfortable and like i said it makes me uncomfortable but there's nothing wrong with a man being attracted to a post-op non-up whatever transgender woman right now i may or may not make a video about this at some point specifically about the surgery but when it comes to whether or not i want this surgery um it's it is a lot of there's a lot of factors you know it's not something that i don't want but it's also something that i have been hesitant to get not because i'm somebody who particularly likes that part of my body not because i'm somebody who is particularly enjoying that aspect of my body it's probably the part of my body that i have the least connection to um but um i'm i've grown to become rather indifferent to it um it's an obstacle more than it is anything else in my life um and in so many ways i love the idea of having the quote surgery but um i don't think that we often have really honest conversations about the surgery especially in front of cis people and for within reason because there's a lot of things about the truth of that surgery that i think make people uncomfortable and i think that if you i mean let's just go with the classic thing right the classic thing people talk about with the surgery is that people get it and regret it um and as much as i would like to say that absolutely everybody who has the surgery loves it and is happy and is there's no there's nothing wrong it is something that i've i've known people who have had the surgery and felt regret and the thing is when it comes to that surgery there are there are just so many various different ways it can turn out i have very rarely seen what feels like a similar everyone's situation is different every i mean that's normal i mean even in cis women everyone's situation is different right but i but i guess what i'm trying to say is that a lot of girls get surgeries and i haven't seen like universal results anywhere um and that concerns me quite a bit and i feel like if i were to have the surgery it would have to be something that i could live with and i have not yet seen something that i personally feel that i could live with when i was first looking into the surgery one of the things that i learned pretty early on is that a lot of trans folks who get the surgery get it out of a desire to eliminate dysphoria obviously but one of the things i learned that was kind of baffling to me was that a lot of times when they get the surgery they're not getting the surgery with penetration in mind a lot of times when you get that surgery there is a very very shallow let's just be blunt canal there's a very very very shallow short canal um and i learned that if you want to be a person who wants to have petitive sex like that that is something you have to talk to your surgeon about that's a conversation you you really do have to actively have right um but i didn't know that a lot of people went and got the surgery not to have that degree of depth right because i think that's that's the first thing i imagine well not sex but the the ability for me to to do the thing that's important to me so like that that would be one of the first conversations i'd have but apparently it's it's not terribly common for people to even want that to to be the case um and so i say all that to say that as much as people want to argue that it's the same and that there's no difference and that they're you know a cis woman's vagina and a trans woman's neovagina are the same one and the same they're not they're not and there's nothing wrong with them not being the same but they're not they're not um and i think that that's something that it's it's hard to acknowledge i've always found this conversation about dating being easier when you're post-op to be a very interesting one because i'm somebody who has been stealth and the one thing i learned through stealth is that men are trashed regardless you know i think that a lot of times there are some trans girls who think if i get this surgery men are going to treat me better but that's definitely not the case that's definitely not the case men are going to be trash regardless and while it's easy for you to blame yourself and your body a lot of times that's just men being trash it really doesn't have anything to do with you it's not your fault you're not the reason just turns out hot you know surprise surprise men are trash right so i've always sort of been this person who's tried to tell other trans women don't get the surgery don't get any surgery for the satisfaction of a man because you're going to be disappointed you're going to be disappointed you just are and you know here's the thing i've known and do know a lot of post-op trans women and they will report from their partners that it's just they that their partner says it's just the same everything's the same it's just like being with a cis woman and i'm sure that for some trans women that is the case but what a lot of the stories that i've heard a lot of what i've heard from men who are just speaking very frankly is that it's different you can't do everything you would do and obviously if you're having sex with a post-op trans woman you're not going to say hey this surgery that's very important to you that was very validating to you that you that you're so happy to have had doesn't sexually satisfy me you're not gonna say that and for a lot of guys maybe it doesn't really matter that much maybe just really doesn't matter that much right um but a lot of guys if they were given the choice between a post-op trans woman and a cis woman cis women are more common they're more socially acceptable a lot of guys are gonna pick the hot cis woman over the decent looking trans girl and i know that that sounds shitty to say out loud but it's the truth and so it's not the best idea to put all your eggs in that basket because you're you're gonna be disappointed right but here's the thing i will say have i been in a lot of situations where there is a man who is attracted to me who is interested in me who isn't willing to go forward with me because of my genitalia yes very much so but i think one of the things i've recognized in a lot of these situations is that so much of that is theoretical you know and a lot of the situations i've been in that were like that are situations where you know i was out having a good time at a party or something i was getting along with this guy and i told him um and his whole thing was basically hey i'll [ __ ] you tonight if if you're post-op essentially um and a lot of those situations weren't worth it a lot of those situations would never have been worth it right um could have been i guess fun maybe but i wouldn't really enjoyed it really um so a lot of the situations i've been in where i feel like a man would be more open to me if i were a post-op it just just turned out to not be worth it but i'm but there have definitely been men who really really liked me who you know maybe knew me through school or something and then i had to explain to them that i was trans and it was this whole thing who i know that if i were post-op they would have probably pursued dating me they probably would have right so that's possible but again a lot of times that's hypothetical so in la i've been in a couple of you guys know i'm sex positive and i go to all these sexy parties used to when we can still do that i used to get all these sex parties there's been a couple of parties that i've been to where there have been post-op trans women um and i've seen an enough array in person to kind of understand like okay there's a diversity of the ways that these things go it's just like a system vagina there's it's it's different for everybody right um and so actually being around some of these women has like allowed me to be more warmed up to the idea of it um you know and i did have a situation i guess we'll talk about this i have had a situation where there was this guy who i've been interested in for years years who told me he was attracted to me who we've made out a couple of times and he's someone that i've worked with in the past and things like that and you know was really into him and things like that um i saw him at another event because it was one of those weird things where we worked together and then we also go to these you know sex positive parties as you know and i was like oh you also go to these parties that's so funny right and he's kind of in so many ways curved me several times which is fine he just won't outright say he's not interested so i don't know where he's at um but he's kind of avoided me and all i could assume is that it's because i'm trans um and we were at a party and he was i i watched him get with a trans girl and see this was such a complicated thing because i know she's trans but i wasn't sure if the men she was with because i've seen her i've seen this particular trans woman at a lot of parties and she gets busy and there's nothing wrong with that i'm a little pervert so i'll go i'll go to parties and just watch people right um and her i have you know been very friendly and she's clearly like attracted to me but you know i'm not in the girls um but she um yeah i've seen her do a lot basically and part of me actually becoming more warmed up to it is watching her do a lot like okay like look at her she's like doing the thing it's more and more attractive to me after seeing her actually function sexually um but yeah this guy i'm talking about he got with her and i i'm not sure that they had a conversation about her being transgender i don't know if that happened or not i i definitely know that at these other parties she's not talking to people i'm not sure if he didn't know or not right but it was like this little moment in my life where i was like oh this guy that i've been interested in for a very very long time who's been kind of avoiding me um or he's not i mean he's always really really friendly to me he's always really flirty with me which i hate i hate when people flirt but it's like a cute thing that they're doing i it's very confusing to me at least even though i'm not acting like this guy's dick is like the end-all be-all of everything it was an interesting moment for me to be in where here's this guy who i've known for years who has said he's interested in me and he met this post-op girl pretty quickly they met that night and they [ __ ] and maybe it's one of those like oh he knows me and so he's worried about being with me kind of thing which is probably what it is he's seen every time i [ __ ] moan about men's that's probably what it is but still it was one of those things where i was like okay well maybe this guy is more into this post-op girl maybe that's the thing is he is comfortable being with trans women as long as they're post-op which is not unfounded there are a lot of men who feel that way um but again i still i don't know if she told him that or not it's so confusing i don't know i should actually should i ask him i don't know if i should ask him i feel like that that'd be crossing a line um but yeah so i think in some ways for me dating and being post-op would be easier i guess because i can see how a trans woman i've had like i said i've had experiences where there are men who are interested in me who would probably be more so interested in me if i were post-op that's that's real right but again that's all hypothetical imagine if i if i had had if i had gotten the surgery to satisfy those men and then been in those situations where a guy's like so are you post-op and i say no if i were to say yes and we were to continue to date it's not impossible that what would happen is that they would be unsatisfied they would be unsatisfied and then i would sit there with my surgery feeling like [ __ ] because this guy didn't want to be with me right but i guess for me too i always think about how for a lot of men they can understand me having a p i want to say they can understand me having a p but me having a v is almost more unsettling and confusing and upsetting to them because they're very aware of the fact that there was a surgery that happened there whereas with a p it's a bit more straightforward you know i don't know if that makes any sense i don't know if anything i'm saying this video makes any sense like i think that there's definitely some men who would have probably pursued me but i personally just don't you know maybe i'm being a hard ass here but whenever i have a conversation with a guy and he asks me whether i'm pre post non whatever i basically say look i appreciate that you have a preference and i think that that's totally fine but i personally don't want to date a guy who cares either way i don't want to date a guy who wants me to be pre-op i don't want to date a guy who wants me to be post-op i want to date a guy who wants to date me your preferences your interests your desires all valid totally accept them there's nothing wrong with them but personally i want to be with somebody who wants to be with me i want to be with somebody who's attracted to me because of me and who i am and that's why again i get along with pansexual men i don't get along with men who have to hold on to heterosexuality so strongly listen nothing wrong with being heterosexual so my best friends are heterosexual i'm heterosexual but i don't like dating men who have to sort of protect and defend that all the time um and the idea that i need to have a surgery before somebody decides to love me is upsetting and i don't want to engage in it i don't want to engage in it i don't want to reinforce it at all no i i think that for some there's again there are some men who would be in my life if i were post-stop but who cares you know and and the thing is i know i i know a lot of post-op girls who are struggling and i think they're struggling because dating is hard in general i think that as a trans person especially when it comes to dating you sometimes can convince yourself that it's the surgeries or the lack of passing it's it's basically everything but dating being hard and men often being [ __ ] like it's everything but that and i think that sometimes people need to recognize sometimes it's not you sometimes it's not you and i think that once you see that you can really start to think about like doing things for yourself get the surgery free for you i mean i've known people i've i've known couples where you know the woman is trans and the and she gets the surgery and she gets the surgery to kind of keep the guy around and the guy doesn't stick around the guy doesn't stick around you know and yeah it's it's rough i i would not want to be in that position and i think that if i were younger i would have had that surgery a lot faster for me now where i'm at i mean again i'll make a whole video about this with with the surgery is i just really really want to find someone who's going to do it the right way um in a way that i would personally enjoy in a way that would make sense for me um ironically this i don't know how ironic this is i think one of the best surgeries i've seen is by somebody who does not identify as a woman at all somebody who went to a strange doctor and got it done um and still presents the man in their daily life but has a [ __ ] now um and they interestingly enough have the most like functional part that i've seen of like any trans woman and that's interesting to me how that that works so yeah i don't know if dating would be easier for me if i were post-op i honestly don't think dating is i mean dating is frustrating but i don't think dating is really hard for me honestly i think there are a lot of ways in which i will be rejected because i'm transgender i think that that happens and that does suck but again i have five 5.5 partners i'll say 0.5 because one of them's on ice but [Laughter] um i don't have a shortage of men who are interested in me and none of the men that i'm dating have this fixation on my genitalia most of the men that i'm dating have partners who are cis women we're all polyamorous you know it's i don't know it's it's i think it's hard to imagine that there are men out there who don't care but there are a lot of men out there who don't care just don't care and i don't want to date somebody who cares either way so so yeah i think that's i've said all i want to say in this video i think i put it down sharply i know that a lot of people are not gonna like what i said in this video but i said it here it is um please don't kill me anyway i'll see you guys next time if you made it through this entire video please put this emoji in the comment section below if you want to be part of the cool kids club which is the coolest club in the world just saying whatever could be biased but you know all the cool kids are there and i'm the president but like whatever who cares you know anyway put this emoji in the comment section below if you would like to join the cool kids club and right now you're looking at two videos you can watch if you would like to continue to sip true tea on this channel i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that if you've made it this far you probably do so click one of those videos and continue to sub true tea right here on the channel also in the corner there are several ways you can send me a tip and you can send me packages i like packages as well all right i'll talk to you guys later bye

Channel: Kat Blaque

Views: 70,222

Rating: 4.9443827 out of 5

Keywords: transgender, dating, relationships, post op, srs

Id: Xz7d5ORyrto

Length: 27min 22sec (1642 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 15 2020