- [Man] Hey, boss? We were talking and this feels like something
we could always come back to on a later date, you know, if we need to. - Why would we do that? We have the camera. We have the studio. We're making a promo for Skype, right? - [Man] Right, yeah, right. - So we're doing it. - [Man] Okay, yeah. - Company needs a promo, right? - [Man] Sure, yeah. That's why we're here. - Don't you fucking look at me. Hi, America. I'm the CEO of Skype,
Landon Bablandananavan. Over a year has passed since the first case of COVID-19
was recorded in America, ushering in a new age of personal and professional challenges where video conferencing
services would be the lifeblood of our society. To everybody out there watching this, I just want to say from
the bottom of my heart, fuck you! And double fuck your stupid Zoom account. Terry, let me get my fucking
point out for a second. What the fuck is Zoom? What the fuck is Zoom? What is that? We have been here since the beginning, and you cannot tell me that
all these people out here didn't switch on purpose
just to fuck with me. As God as my witness,
you ungrateful fucks, I will have my revenge! Skype has been there
from the very beginning, giving you video calling before
you even knew you wanted it. And if you haven't used Skype recently for some reason, who knows what? Know that we've got everything you need like custom backgrounds. Okay? And an end call button in,
get this, a different corner! Ooh! Because apparently that's
a real deal breaker for some of you. That's the stuff that really matters. It must be because why else would you fuck us in the ass like this? You disloyal snake! Just calm down Calm down. You were already using Skype as a verb. Do you know how big of
a milestone that is? When the company name
actually becomes the word? Like, people don't search for things. They Google them. You were Skyping. That's the whole fucking ball game, baby. That is the crown in your hands. You had our app on your phone. You had our name in your mouth. We were at the finish line, and then we fuckin' face planted. Where did we go wrong? What can Zoom do that Skype can't? - [Man] Well, it, Zoom can support up to a thousand callers. - A thousand? Why would you want to be on a
call with a thousand people? I don't know a thousand people, let alone want to talk to them. What I mean to say is Skype
still offers the video tools for all your needs. Why settle for anything else when you can have the original? But really, why? Why would you do that? Why! We at Skype will always be here for you to give you the tools you need. - [Man] Okay, that was great. Can we try one that's
maybe a little brighter? - No. We at Skype will always be here for you to give you the tools you need to succeed even if you drop us
like a hot sack of shit for some pretty young thing
that just sauntered in. Ooh, I'm Zoom! You Leonardo DiCaprio-ed us! That's what you did! You're a bunch of DiCaprios! DiCaprio! DiCaprio! Hydrox came before Oreos. Did you know that? Hydrox came before Oreos. Betamax came before VHS. Gobots came before Transformers. Are we Gobots? You all had us already. So this is war. You don't walk down the
street and spit in a man's eye and not expect him to drop from
the ceiling of your bedroom in the middle of the night
and slit your throat. And I'm not saying that
as a threat, legal! I can find it in myself to forgive you. If you left, you know, you can come back. No questions asked. And to those of you who
never left, thank you. We are so glad to have you, and we're so excited to announce that as a reward for you staying, we're gonna shut down immediately and start selling T-shirts. Do you see how insane that sounds? To betray you out of nowhere? How does it make you feel? DiCaprio! DiCaprio! You know, it's funny the other day my mom sent a little email out saying we should set up a family Zoom. My mom. Hi, my name's Landon Bablandananavan. And I'm here to tell you that
please do Skype or I'll die. And now people want to Zoom. I gotta Zoom! Oh, I have to Zoom my uncle about cleaning out his
garage this weekend. And now we got Microsoft. They're gonna erase us! We're gonna become part
of Microsoft Teams. That's even worse than Zoom! Teams! I have to Teams my orthodontist
about my adult braces. When you could be Skyping
your hot fuck partner! Skype sounds cool. Sounds like opening a can. Skype. Let me Zoom you. Is any of this usable? - [Man] Oh, I don't know. - Okay. Well, let me know. We can set up a Zoom later. Fuck! Skype! Skype, Skype, Skype! It's just fun to say. Fuck.
after years of Skype only letting us minimize and not close the app...... we all collectively minimized Skype......
It's comforting knowing that these essential apps rise and fall despite the force of networking effects. Maybe Facebook too will eventually become a thing of the past and be replaced by something better.
Skype is on life support but not because of Zoom. It's because all of its organs have been donated to Microsoft Teams and it's now just a husk. Any person or business still using Skype is committing digital necrophilia.
"Where did we go wrong?"
I can tell you EXACTLY where you did go wrong.
You bought a great piece of software, then bloated it with tons of shit we didn't need or want. Then you removed configuration options so that no one could configure it to look and behave like they wanted, only the way YOU wanted.
And I'm so sick and tired of your CONSTANT updates.
I'm only using it because a friend is using it. As soon as I can convince him to use Telegram or something, I'm dropping it like a hot potato too.
Fucking love these.
Skype fucking sucks IMO.
Stopped using them after they were purchased by Microsoft and the first they MS did was alter the Skype code in order to let law enforcement agencies directly tap into all video and text on the platform. NSA loved that move for sure.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skype#Security_and_privacy
When I think about about Skype, all I remember is poor connections and it always starting itself when my computer turns on regardless of the settings, then doing that stupid "Exit really just means minimize"
Meanwhile MSN Messenger is sitting off-camera going "yeah, it hurts, doesn't it"
Zoom's ultimate power move was allowing people to join calls who didn't have accounts. Then after you'd done that 5-6 times for work, when it came time to setup a call with Grandma and your uncle, you already know how to use Zoom. Grandma won't have to make an account first (or reset her password from last time), and then send you her username for an invite. You just email a link to her and she clicks it.