[Upbeat Music] Hey, Psych2Goers! What was your childhood like? The way you were raised can have a very big
impact on who you are now. Your relationship with your parents and the
environment you were in can shape your personality, interests, and ideals much more than what
most people may realize. Harmful behaviors and phrases used by your
parents when you were growing up can impact your mental wellbeing and affect how you view
your other relationships when you’re older. It may even strain your relationship with
them down the line. So whether you’re already a caregiver looking
for phrases to avoid or a child seeking information, here are 8 hurtful things parents tell children. Before we get started, this is a disclaimer
that this video isn’t meant to diagnose, treat, or cure anyone. It is for informative purposes only, so if
you or someone you know may be struggling, we urge you to seek professional help from
a therapist or another trusted professional. Number One: You’re so dramatic, grow up Have you ever been told you’re too dramatic? As a child, you may have been upset about
something that wasn’t objectively a big deal. However, while the problem might not have
been that bad rationally speaking, the emotions you felt were still important. When parents dismiss how their child is feeling,
it can make them feel as if their emotions aren’t valid and that they don’t deserve
to be expressed. Telling them to grow up can also cause them
to perceive adults as unfeeling, which may cause future problems with communication and
being vulnerable. The bottom line is that all emotions are important,
valid, and deserve to be expressed in a healthy way. Number Two: Why are you like this Have you ever been asked this? How did you respond? Questions like why are you like this or what’s
wrong with you tend to be used rhetorically when someone is frustrated. However, they can have many psychological
impacts, especially for children. A child could start believing they’re inadequate,
broken, or that there’s something wrong with them. Children are extremely impressionable, so
a parent saying this out of spite can affect them for years. Parents should try to avoid this phrase no
matter how frustrated they get. Phrases like, “Talk to me about what’s
wrong, “or, “I’m listening. Let’s talk this out,” are much
better alternatives that promote healthy communication and understanding. Number Three: You belong to me and no one
else Are your parents protective? Many caretakers feel the natural instinct
to protect their children; however, being too possessive may end up harming their emotional
growth. When parents don’t let their children explore
the world and experience new things, they can become over-reliant on the guidance that
won’t always be there. Telling them this can also suggest the idea
that love is about control and ownership. In reality, people aren’t objects, and they
deserve to grow and mature at their own pace. Number Four: As long as I’m feeding and
clothing you, you’ll follow my rules Have your parents ever guilt-tripped you by
using this phrase? While many parents use it to motivate children
to do simple chores like cooking and cleaning, it can have some unintended consequences. For example, it could make a kid feel like
a burden or that they always have to live the way their parents want them to, which
may lead to feelings of frustration and resentment. Moreover, they may feel as if they’re in
debt to their parents and make important decisions based upon family expectations, and not upon
their own wants and needs. While children should acknowledge everything
their parents do for them, it’s also important to realize that parental love and support
isn’t something to hold over their heads. Number Five: You’re too thin or overweight Do your parents make small comments about
your weight whenever you eat? While it may not sound like a big deal, it
perpetuates body-shaming ideas and our society’s fixation on fitting and following a certain
beauty standard. Always mentioning someone’s weight may also
promote an unhealthy relationship with food as they may feel they’re eating too much
or that eating is a chore. While it’s important to ensure your child
is eating healthy, making comments about their weight or body shape may only drag them down. Instead, you may want to focus on promoting
a balanced diet with everything in moderation. Number Six: I wish you were more like… Do your parents compare you with siblings,
cousins, and seemingly anyone even semi-close to your age? When parents constantly wish their children
were different, it can become detrimental to their children’s self-esteem and cause
them to constantly overexert themselves. Their children may always feel as if they
have to compete with everyone, which may lead to burnout, exhaustion, and jealousy. Number Seven: That’s the way I was raised,
and I turned out fine Have you ever objected to a decision your
parents made, only to be shut down by this response? Many caretakers both subconsciously and consciously
mimic the way they were raised. But this can become a problem when they’re
unwilling to listen to their children’s problems and ideas. This close-minded mentality closes communication
lines and makes children feel as if their emotions and ideas aren’t important. Instead, caretakers may want to try to recognize
that parenting isn’t a one size fits all kind of thing. It’s ever-changing, so what may have worked
for them may not apply to everyone. Number Eight: You were an accident While it’s true some parents have unplanned
children, telling a child this can leave them with long-term emotional scars. This is especially the case if they are at
a young age. A child could feel unwanted or like a burden,
which could affect them throughout their entire life. Adding, “I love you anyway,” tends to
not help either. Kids want to be loved unconditionally, so
if you’re a parent wanting to tell your child about their conception, you may want
to try to wait until they’re older or to phrase it differently. Have you heard any of these phrases before? If so, which ones? How did it affect you? Let us know in the comments below. If you find this video helpful, be sure to
like, subscribe, and share this video with those who might benefit from it, and don’t
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video. The references and studies used in this video
are added in the description below. Thanks for watching and see you in our next
video! Video by Psych2go. Thanks for watching!
