7 classic lies from sociopaths

hi everybody and welcome to love fraud live I'm Donna Anderson author of love fraud calm and today we're talking about sociopaths and their lies no matter what type of relationship you have with a sociopath whether it's romantic family business or casual sooner or later he or she will lie to you the circumstances may vary the scale of the lie may vary but at some point the sociopath will tell you something that simply isn't true this is a live streaming show and I'll answer your questions at the end of my short presentation so please go ahead and send your questions to me by chat as we go along so here we go here are seven classic lies from sociopaths now when I refer to sociopaths I mean people who could be diagnosed with antisocial narcissistic borderline histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders after we go through all the classics I'll tell you ten reasons why their lies are so believable so here we go classic lie number one I love you no matter how good it sounds this statement is always a lie why because sociopaths are incapable of love as you and I understand it real romantic love has three components attraction sex and caregiving sociopaths do not do caregiving they simply cannot put someone else's well-being before their own however they have learned that if they say the words I love you they get what they want so they easily mouth the words don't believe them lie number two I'll pay you back sociopaths often although not always hit up their targets for money they'll say that you are the only one who can help them or offer you a surefire investment opportunity they'll even sign a contract or a promissory note they'll promise to repay you but the promise is worthless okay so they may reap a small amounts in the beginning but that's only so that they can ask you for more money later on which you'll never see classic lie number three you can trust me beware of anyone who proclaims that they are trustworthy those who feel the need to tell you that they're trustworthy probably aren't and why are they saying this in the first place are you questioning their behavior are you suspicious about their requests if you are pay attention it sounds like your intuition is trying to warn you of danger classic lie number four I'm not married I've heard of many sociopaths who when asked point-blank denied that they were married when they were four sociopaths marriage isn't a commitment it's simply a contract giving them access to their spouses assets or it's a way to make themselves appear to be acceptable or it's a means of controlling their partner for them marriage has nothing to do with love and fidelity so if a sociopath wants to have sex with you or targets you for some other reason well they'll ditch their marriage vows like a winter coat on a summer day here's classic lie number five I can't get pregnant or the male version I can't get you pregnant female sociopaths view pregnancy as a meal ticket if they have your child you have to pay them for 18 years male sociopaths view pregnancy as a control mechanism once you are pregnant you are tied to them for 18 years therefore they have no qualms whatsoever about lying to you about birth control here's classic line number six my phone died suppose you've been unable to reach the sociopath possibly for days you may be sick with worry has something happened is this person dead then suddenly he or she answers the phone as if he just spoke 10 minutes ago you express your worry your trepidation and the answer is a shrug hey the phone died the truth however is probably that the sociopath was either with someone else or was intentionally trying to upset you which is a way to exert control over you and here's classic lie number 7 everybody thinks you're crazy now this one is a double-barreled lie first of all there's nothing wrong with you except perhaps the sociopath and secondly the sociopath is saying that your friends family and associates are talking about you saying bad things when probably no one is saying a word the sociopaths objective is to tear you down put you on the defensive and assert control over you so those are 7 classic sociopathic lies how many of them have you heard eventually we usually figure out that just about everything associate path told us is a lie and then we're shocked we wonder how can anybody lie so fluently and even worse why did we fall for it well when sociopaths lie they are exceptionally believable and here are 10 reasons why we believe their lies number one sociopaths tell you how honest they are early on the sociopath may tell you how much they value honesty and that truthfulness is the foundation of all relationship their objective is to convince you of their trustworthiness so that when you encounter their lies you don't see them here's reason number two that we believe the lies sociopaths lie while looking directly into your eyes now some experts say that if people look up into the right like I just did while speaking it's a sign that they are lying other experts dispute this but regardless we all tend to believe that if someone can look us in the eye while they're talking to us then they're telling us the truth so as you pass notice so they look us in the eye while they're lying to us here's reason number three sociopaths mix truth with lies now this is a key strategy mixing truth with things that are lies you know for a fact that some of what the sociopath says is true and the sociopath knows that you know therefore you infer that the rest of what he or she is saying is true unfortunately you're wrong reason number four everything is a lie one way that we spot lies is by noticing change at first the story was this and now it's that so with a sociopath however there is no change to notice because the lying starts from the very beginning and just keeps going okay here's reason number five sociopaths lie with no physical reaction now lying makes most of us feel anxious which causes physical symptoms these symptoms are what polygraph machines measure changes in your heart rate blood pressure respiration and skin conductivity because sociopaths are comfortable lying they feel no anxiety so there are no physical changes to observe reason number six sociopaths cover their lives with or lies when we confront sociopaths about their lies they tell us more lies to cover up the original ones now most of us would never be able to keep all the lie straight but some sociopaths are truly gifted at this they can remember exactly what they told to whom and they just keep the story going reason number seven that we believe them sociopaths proclaim I would never lie when questioned about something that they said sociopaths often state with righteous indignation that they would never lie they are so emphatic about this and so obviously crestfallen that you could possibly think that they lied that you end up apologizing even though they are in fact lying reason number eight sociopaths lie with complete confidence it's hard to imagine that someone who is so charismatic and so charming and so confident is also a complete liar because no matter what sociopaths are saying they exhibit no doubt whatsoever they seem to command you to believe them so you do here's reason number six the claims are so outrageous that they must be true so see pass will tell you that there are Special Forces soldiers they're foreign royalty they're PhD scientists they're born-again Christians they're spiritual leaders all kinds of things they may actually Forge or buy certificates metals and other documents to prove their stories you can't imagine that anyone would have the nerve to make such claims without them being true so you believe them so finally here's reason number 10 of why we believe sociopaths lies practice makes perfect and sociopaths practice a lot the more sociopaths lie the better they get at it and typically sociopaths have been lying all their lives so they are very very good at their craft unfortunately most humans are lousy lie detectors so the rest of us simply haven't got a chance sociopath lie and we don't spot the lies until it's too late okay so we've gone over seven classic lies and then ten reasons why the lies of sociopaths seem so believable I'm almost finished with the formal presentation so if you have any questions for me please go ahead and send them along now and if you're watching this video after the live stream ask your question in the love fraud forum where the video is posted there's a link in the description right below the window here so here's the big question how do you know when a sociopath is lying now if this were a joke the punchline would be their lips are moving but seriously the problem with lies is that we're not very good at detecting them in fact research shows that human beings can spot lies only about 53 percent of the time that's like a little better than flipping a coin and for all those tips about how to spot a liar like they don't make eye contact or they give themselves away with micro-expressions well the tips don't work with sociopaths remember these are the people who can beat polygraph tests so what do you do sociopaths live like they breathe they tell big lies they tell little lies they mix lies with truth so you don't know what's real and what's not and then often they lie just for the fun of it so if you are sure or at least relatively certain that you're dealing with a sociopath then you must assume you must assume that anything out of his or her mouth is potentially a lie but what if you don't realize that you're dealing with a sociopath then the best thing you can do is trust your intuition if a statement strikes you as odd or improbable or she get a bad feeling about what someone says pay attention it could be a warning that the person is lying your instincts are designed to keep you safe but for your instincts to be effective you need to listen to them okay everything that I discussed tonight comes from two of my books here's my newest one dealing with a sociopath and then also the previous one understanding the sociopath both the books are available on love fraud calm and next week I'm coming out with the final book in the series which is recovery from a sociopath so that's the presentation for tonight's love fraud live show and this is the YouTube show where you learn how to spot sociopaths get them out of your life and recover from the damage that they caused so now I'm gonna take a look and see what kind of comments and questions we may have lots of lots of lots of chatting today that's great Monica says they can care give briefly yes this is true but the thing to understand about this brief bit of caregiving is that it always has an ulterior motive I mean sociopaths are not capable of taking care of you because they are concerned about your health and well-being or your success or your happiness if they're taking care of you it's because they're buttering up buttering you up to take advantage of you later on okay not CC's me already had that answer correct Monica says that they asked me to cover their lives with two third parties of course they lied to me about the relationship with the third party yes that's that's another common situation to happen all right so here Patrick asks since mental illnesses such as BPD which is borderline personality disorder can be developed in response to trauma is it possible for a victim of a sociopath to become a sociopath okay it's important to understand the distinction between a mental illness and a personality disorder a mental illness is something perhaps like anxiety depression PTSD and the thing about mental illnesses is that usually before the person experiences this illness they were healthy or at least relatively healthy and so that they understand what it's like to feel better and they want to get back to feeling when they were feeling better a personality disorder is totally integrated into who the individual is and for the most part it's not that the person with the personality disorder as an adult was ever healthy I mean someone who has one of the personality disorders that we're talking about here because there's about ten different personality disorders but I focus on the four that have to do with exploitation and manipulation which are antisocial narcissistic borderline and histrionic so for these disorders all of them are now recognized to have a pretty strong genetic component so that means that the possibility of someone getting one of these disorders has always been there you know it's part of their genetics it doesn't necessarily mean that they have to get the disorder and you know hopefully the researchers are finding ways especially to help children so that they do not become disordered but the research is showing that it's like 50% hereditary and then whether or not the disorder actually does come to fruition is because of the environment so whether or not a victim of a sociopath can become disordered is if the person does not have a genetic predisposition it's probably unlikely they're not going to become a sociopath if they don't have the genetics and that's that's just not gonna happen but unfortunately with kids you know especially if one of the parents is disordered and then the parents are lousy parents so the child will have both the genetic predisposition and the traumatic experiences of you know whatever the the parent does then there is a possibility that they can become disordered but if someone encounters if someone does not have a genetic predisposition and encounters a sociopath as an adult I think it's highly unlikely that the person will end up being a sociopath I mean they may end up with anxiety depression PTSD maybe even some paranoia but I don't think they're gonna end up with a personality disorder okay great question by the way okay Karen says he stole half my inheritance he lost all his all of his gambling and stock Markit married 39 years left me for a poker dealer had four kids stay-at-home mom how did he fool me for so long they're good I mean all we can say is that they are good and sociopaths are capable of maintaining a charade if it suits their purpose and you know perhaps in your situation the sociopath wanted you to give him an air of respectability or he wanted the services that he provided or he wanted the kids yeah he whatever he wanted he continued to get from you for 39 years and yeah they can do it I mean I I have heard of cases like yours before in which these really long-term marriages and the person was hiding who they were for the entire time until perhaps something finally happened in which you know it wasn't worth trying to hide his personality anymore or maybe you found out some other way but the bottom line is that sociopaths are really really good and they can they lie obviously and they can maintain an act of manipulation and he was manipulating you so they can maintain their act as long as it suits their purpose okay let's see what else we have okay patrick has another question do you think that the lining comes from a place of pride that is to say is there an element of thrill that they get from successfully manipulating someone absolutely that's that's part of it and maybe not always but there's certainly lots of lies that says he paths are telling just for the fun of it this is called duping delight I mean there's actually terminology about this so she passed do get a charge out of the fact that they told you a lie and you believed it because what that means is that they are exerting control over you they are exerting control over how you view the world and what your perceptions are so for a lot of Cetacea paths this is absolutely a thrill and I see this quite a bit in in some online relationships that I've heard about you know I've heard many people who got involved with these online relationships and the person you know the sociopath like pour it on the love-bombing pour it on the charm and you know just really fell all over the person in this long-distance relationship until the target finally fell in love and you know a bit that they were in life and then the sociopath was gone yeah so it's got never got anything never took any money they never got together they never had sex it was just all about the thrill of the manipulation so yes that is definitely something that can be a motivation for sociopaths applying alright what else do we have okay Jamila says I've been four months no contact I have PTSD well I ever recover from this yes you can the key to recovering from the devastation of a sociopath is to make up your mind that you want to recover there's work involved and what you need to do is allow yourself to feel the pain of the experience you may need to get some therapy and if you do make sure that it's a therapist who truly understands what you've been through because not all therapists really understand what goes on in these relationships but yeah you can certainly recover and you might be interested as I mentioned my book that's coming out next week is recovery from a sociopath so I have lots and lots of information in there about that the key is to give yourself enough time and to allow yourself to says the very deep emotional pain that comes from these experiences and that means you allow yourself to cry you allow yourself to kick and scream although not at the person because that's useless no contact helps a lot you know because the longer you're away from him the more your brain will start to unravel but you also do need to find a way to purge the pain of the experience so it's a bumpy road but if you make a decision that you're going to do it you can you can definitely recover and come out the other side even better than you were before you met the person alright let's see what else we have ha well Karen says she feels like she's getting worse instead of better it may seem that way but it also may be that you're really accessing the pain of the experience and and it's coming out and it's not pretty when it does that but I would say just continue to ride the process you know allow the pain to come out of your system in whatever form that takes and yeah it's it's gonna be bumpy for a while but you know if you stick with it and also make sure that you give yourself a break and that you're good to yourself and you treat yourself as as best you can so that I mean you can't be processing pain day in and day out it's too much but you know you do it from time to time and then you set it aside and and you figure out other things to do with your life where you or you do things that make you happy and if you keep keep just keep treading the path and eventually it'll you'll start to feel better ok anything else okay well that seems to be the end of the questions so I thank everybody for joining us tonight I see we had a lot of chatting going on that's just terrific and if you have any further questions like I said maybe if you review the video take a look later you can go ahead and post them on the on the in the forum where I post this video and I can answer the questions there so thanks so much we'll see you next Tuesday bye bye

Channel: LovefraudLessons

Views: 18,607

Keywords: sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, con artist, Lovefraud, Donna Andersen, personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, antisocial, bigamy

Id: J79nuV7LlkY

Length: 26min 0sec (1560 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 05 2020