10 mistakes to avoid when leaving a sociopath

hi everybody and welcome to love fraud life I'm Donna Anderson author of love fraud calm ending a relationship with a sociopath is not a normal breakup therefore when you call it quits with a sociopath you can't get together with this person hug cry wish each other well as you might do when splitting up with someone who is not disordered tonight I'm going to teach you ten critical mistakes to avoid when breaking up with a sociopath so you can escape his or her web safely and permanently this is a live streaming show and I'll answer your questions at the end of my short presentation so please go ahead and send your questions to me by chat as we go along okay so let's get started if you're watching this video you've probably been romantically involved with a sociopath whether male/female or other you know all about how seductive they are they can be charming exciting sexy at least while they're trying to reel you in but sooner or later and one way or another you start to catch on that things are not right in your relationship let me define whom I'm talking about by sociopath I mean people who could be diagnosed with antisocial narcissistic borderline histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders these people do not pursue romantic relationships to find mutual love and companionship they are looking for someone to use perhaps for money sex housing connections fill an empty spot in their soul or just to siphon off your emotional energy at some point the sociopath may simply get bored and abandon you this is quite a shock because all along they've been telling you how wonderful you are how fantastic how perfect and then suddenly they have no use for you in the survivor community this is known as the D value and discard although you feel devastated if this happens to you and the person disappears consider yourself lucky good riddance but sometimes you come to the realization that the relationship is no good for you and you need to figure out how to get rid of the sociopath if that's the case here are 10 mistakes to avoid mistake number one thinking that you can still be friends you may still be cordial perhaps even close with some of your other past romantic partners this doesn't work with sociopaths if you have any contact at all the sociopath will attempt to reel you back in and exploit you again you need to get this person out of your life completely and permanently mistake number two getting together in person to break up yes the polite way to end a relationship is for everybody to have closure but sociopaths don't care about closure they care about maintaining control over you you know how manipulative they are if you meet them in person they may plead and promise and cajole and sink their hooks into you again so when you're leaving a sociopath breaking up by text or even ghosting them is totally acceptable don't seek closure from the partner give it to yourself mistake number three believing that the sociopath can or will change remember sociopaths are fundamentally different from the rest of us once they are adults no therapy or rehabilitation will cure their disorder therefore don't fall for the promises that they'll never do it again they'll get therapy they'll go to church whatever no matter what they say they cannot permanently change you need to accept that fact and act accordingly mistake number four feeling responsible for the sociopaths behavior now after they abuse you sociopaths may have said I did that because you made me do it or I did it because you push my buttons fill in the blank with whatever you're supposed offense was don't believe it sociopaths are blamers it's part of the disorder you are not responsible for the sociopaths actions mistake number five staying to prevent the sociopath from committing suicide many sociopaths use threats of suicide as a control mechanism if the sociopath you're breaking up with threaten suicide he or she is either serious or they're trying to make you feel guilty so that you don't leave either way the best thing you can do is call 911 if the person is serious let the professionals deal with it if the person is not serious you will have caught his or her bluff and hopefully they won't do it again mistake number six failing to protect your physical safety unfortunately some sociopaths are vindictive and violent when someone is physically abusive the most dangerous time for you is when you are leaving the relationship the sociopath may fly into a rage do the unthinkable if you have ever seen the sociopath engage in violence whether towards people animals or property like punching a hole in the wall take precautions mistake number seven failing to lock down your finances when sociopaths have access to your financial records or accounts they may steal your money run up your credit cards or steal your identity and open accounts in your name so the first thing you should do when you leave a sociopath is run a credit check on yourself you may be shocked to discover that there is debt and credit cards in your name that you knew nothing about mistake number eight failing to lock down your electronics if sociopaths have had access to your cell phone computers and other devices they might have installed spyware to monitor your communications or keyloggers to steal your passwords these can be very difficult to detect and eradicate you may need to get all new devices new cell phones new computers mistake number 9 failing to understand the smear campaign long before you knew there are any problems in your relationship the sociopath may have started undermining you he or she may have started to lie about you to your friends family even your employers they may accuse you of doing drugs or cheating or being mentally ill that's a big one that they like to use the objective is to ruin your support network so that when you seek help and validation nobody believes you finally mistake number 10 under estimating the sociopathic desire for revenge many sociopaths view romantic rejection as what's called a narcissistic injury a totally unacceptable affront to their egos they may decide that the person who caused the injury that would be you must be punished if you think this may happen you need to plan your exit with extreme caution okay those are the 10 most important mistakes to avoid so I'm almost finished with the presentation if you have any questions for me you know please go ahead and send them along now I see we have some comments so also if you're watching this video after the live stream ask your question in the love fraud forum where the video is posted there's a link in the description right below this video window so if you are thinking about or in the process of ending an involvement with a sociopath I hope that you are now determined to avoid these mistakes what then should you do how should you end the relationship with a sociopath here are two possible approaches the first one is that you tell the person one time I repeat one time that it's over you want to make sure they're gone you are not trying to be nice therefore telling him or her by text is excessive acceptable here's some language that you can use I have no romantic interest in you whatsoever I know I never will please do not contact me ever again brutal yeah I know it's brutal but you want this person to get the message it's over perhaps however you're worried that the direct approach will incite him or her to pursue pursue you aggressively maybe even stalk you if that's the case you may want to try a different approach and become boring have no interest in doing anything have nothing to say or if you do talk make it about stupid stuff that your partner will find annoying your objective is to Vince the partner to dump you then from the moment he or she is gone you have no contact with the sociopath ever again you do not talk to them text or email you certainly don't meet them in person and you don't even go to their Facebook page get free of your disordered partner and stay free so this information that I just offered you 10 mistakes to avoid leaving when you're leaving a sociopath is included in my newest book in the love frog blog series here it is it's called dealing with a sociopath how to survive the anti-socials narcissists and Psychopaths in your life this is the third book in the love frog blog series and it includes a collection of love for articles with suggestions on what to actually do about sociopaths ranging from tips for child custody battles to how to possibly expose the predator and what you need to keep in mind the book is now available on love fraud calm and Amazon and there's a link in the description below so that's the presentation for tonight's episode of love fraud live this is the YouTube show where you learn to spot sociopaths and get them out of your life and then recover from the damage that they caused so I'm going to take a look at our questions here and and see what we have okay CCTV set are they even the manipulative from day one or does their agenda begin later in the relationship sociopaths are always manipulative there is always an ulterior motive to whatever they're doing a manipulation is part of the disorder it's part of the way they live so even if you don't see it in the beginning because remember what you'll see is they'll be charming they'll be helpful those are the times when they all like show up when they say they're going to show up and not disappear on you it all has a motive and motive is to hook you so sociopaths are on their best behavior in the beginning of relationship but that's because they're trying to seduce you and so therefore they're being manipulative remember that a sociopath is not looking for someone to be a companion they're looking for someone that they can take advantage of so the whole premise of the relationship is manipulation they're trying to get something from you so yes they are definitely manipulative right from the beginning and so we have another question here they cannot change or will not change it's actually both personality disorders become ingrown parts of their identities I have some other videos on this you may want to take a look at them as far as explaining you know how they think but it's it's who they are I mean the personality a personality disorder is not like a mental disorder like anxiety or depression because if you have anxiety or depression you probably remember what it was like before you had the illnesses that when you felt okay and you want to feel that way again well a personality disorder is always there you know there wasn't a time at least probably from maybe the age of 12 or 13 or 14 yeah there wasn't a time where they were healthy normal people like this is who they are so it's if they cannot change once they are an adult that it's just not gonna happen but also many sociopaths are very happy with how they are I mean I talked about this last week in the video of do sociopaths the psychopaths know what they are quite a few people who have antisocial narcissistic psychopathic personality disorder they're pretty content you know they think there's nothing wrong with them in fact they feel superior now people with borderline personality disorder that's different the people who have borderline person disorder I really feel sorry for them because they do experience anxiety and they're they're unhappy with their situation but the other disorders usually they are pretty self-satisfied so it's it's both they can't change and they won't change alright let's see what else we have Mary says they sound like spoiled brats that never grew up yep I'd agree with that okay Karen says she used to date one of these and haven't heard from him from a while is he gone or will he show up there's no one answer to that question if he hasn't shown up that's really good some of them do some of them disappears fall off the face of the earth and you never hear from them again others come back and often the thinking is from their point of view that if they were able to take advantage of you at one point they'll be able to do it again and sometimes years can go by you know you somebody may be gone for four or five six years and all of a sudden show up again so the key here is to make sure that you're clear and that you know you want nothing more to do with this person you don't want to be involved with this person and if your former partner shows up you know just be ready to shut it down immediately hang up the phone slam the door in their face whatever you want nothing to do with this person so yeah it's it's up to you I mean you're the one who has to make the decision that it's over and you're the one who has to enforce that decision okay what else do we have Christine says that borderlines can get better and there is some research that says that's the case that there is some recovery period for borderlines like I said that the borderline disorder is is kind of different from the other ones and that's one of the things now unfortunately sometimes people are diagnosed as borderline when they actually are antisocial or narcissistic part of the reason for that is that most of the people who are diagnosed as borderline are a female and a lot of therapists just don't want to say that a female is antisocial so then what happens is that they have this diagnosis of borderline and their friends and family think that they can possibly get better when they can't because they're not actually borderline I I do feel badly for borderline people with borderline personality disorder because for a lot of them the reason they have the disorder is that the the women or the the girls were sexually abused when they were young and the boys were shamed often when they were young so it's it's truly sad and and and those are the ones who do experience discomfort and anxiety because of their disorders unlike antisocial since psychopathy so who could care less but I do hope that there will be more to sort more treatment for these disorders perhaps sometime in the future right now the best possibility for for treatment is when the folks are young there does seem to be some opportunity to help them when they're young but but by the time they're full-grown adults it's it's pretty difficult so okay that seems to be all the questions that we have thank you again for joining us on love fraud live we'll see you in two weeks I have a conflict next week so there's no show but I'll be posting information about the next program thanks a lot bye-bye

Channel: LovefraudLessons

Views: 8,749

Rating: 4.9596977 out of 5

Keywords: sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, con artist, Lovefraud, Donna Andersen, personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, antisocial, bigamy

Id: hOAcnt_pnzo

Length: 19min 16sec (1156 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 21 2020