6 alternatives to calling out the narcissist

hi everyone it's dr romini and welcome back to this youtube channel on narcissism narcissistic abuse and all kinds of information relevant to difficult relationships it's my hope that this content will help you cope heal and simply understand these relationships this is part three of a short series on calling out the narcissist and this particular episode takes on six alternatives to calling out the narcissist because if you're not gonna call them out you need an alternative so this short series takes on what happens when you call out the narcissist the reasons people do it and in this last piece some alternatives to doing it now listen i've said it over and over again right my stance is clear there's no point in calling them out they aren't listening and in general calling them out is far more likely to generate more harm than any growth so unless you love yourself some conflict and rage and some of you may enjoy that then calling them out is never a good idea in fact calling them out only just gives you more confirmation of how unhealthy these relationship cycles are and may be so triggering that it is simply not good for your health so let's start at the top here's a first thing alternative to calling out a narcissist don't call them out it's really that simple do not call them out it would save you a world of grief and hurt if you did not you aren't turning to them returning them to them for confirmation they aren't going to change so don't do it if you suspect that narcissistic patterns are in play in your relationships then you simply have bigger decisions to make put your time there ask yourself do i stay and set boundaries and not engage if i leave what does that look like but some grand showdown of telling them there's no wind there and that's not a good idea a second alternative put your energy into actually really understanding what this pattern is about not in calling them out an issue that often arises is that people read books or blogs or watch videos on channels such as this and then will find themselves saying aha now i get it just like maybe that magic moment when somebody finally sort of masters algebra or how to play the violin and then you want to take that newfound knowledge and want to march over to that narcissist and say i have your number i see you instead it's far better for you to just simply focus on understanding the pattern and then you can use that information to guide your decision making not just in this relationship but in others and turn what felt like chaos into a predictable albeit still painful situation and make more informed choices your third alternative is gray rock it's a thing and it works gray rocking is a form of disengagement not taking their bait not having the usual invalidating conversations not sharing your achievements with them so they can minimize them not sharing your pain with them so they can diminish you further by not having any empathy just sticking to superficial topics such as the weather or the new purple flowers in the neighbor's garden no i get it when you gray rock it's not a deep relationship but the fact is it never was and the gray rocking they have a little ramp up at the beginning when you do it but then over time it may help with the rage gray rocking means that you don't go deep someone recently suggested to me the idea of another level sort of level up from gray rocking she suggested calling it firewalling she's a tech person and we sort of laid out firewalling as again this level up from gray rocking the concept of firewalling not letting important or sensitive information in or out but otherwise interacting normally it's like a boundary that keeps your most intimate knowledge within you but you can share other information safely fourth alternative is have some other sounding boards or sources of support this can be therapy close friends who get it those friends of yours who sneer and say you shouldn't say narcissist that's not not nice you're not a doctor put them in the firewall pile you can't have this conversation with them you can turn to online support groups that are well run or other social groups where you can just be you having those spaces can be game changers for you and make it less likely that you make the mistake of calling out the narcissist and instead just vent in a space where you are safe and validated fifth is radical acceptance radical acceptance means knowing that this won't change this or these are the limits of this relationship and this person and it also means knowing that calling this out is pointless this falls in radical acceptance falls in with the many other techniques i have shared including managing realistic expectations setting boundaries not defending not engaging not explaining and not personalizing but as part of this it's also recognizing via radical acceptance that calling this out calling a narcissist out is pointless and potentially harmful and sixth is distraction do something else you feel like calling them out i don't care if you go and pick up some yarn and start to crochet write the great american novel take a walk bake a cake go to the garden or binge watch a show for the tenth time do something else and the moment you want to call them out that feeling it may pass i gotta say watching a show or a movie is particularly useful because they can sometimes change your disposition or your perspective depending on what the show is about and just that little change in focus and perspective may pull you back from wanting to do it and sort of letting that that desire to call them out pass i'm going to say this for the third time in this series all of you are as free to do as you wish we have that option and to know that all choices carry responsibility if they're ragey word salad mess is a price of admission to speak your truth then you do you you do what feels right but you go in thinking if you do go in thinking there could be real change and real contrition from them then don't do it and keep in mind that there are other people who get affected by their rage children co-workers other observers so please be mindful of those impacts before you start calling them out and their rage overtakes everyone for those of you with traumatic histories narcissistic rage is not only triggering it's destabilizing it can result in setbacks and functioning and in ramp ups and other mental health symptoms the narcissist is going to remain a one person wrecking crew please protect yourself as their rage and their manipulation can literally make you sick both mentally and physically and not calling them out is not enabling a lot of people say if i don't call them out then i'm part of the problem they're already enabled and you calling them out in a strange way enables them more because it means they can just go on one yet another one of their ragers that they use to release tension they aren't going to change and more meaningful consequences that may range from legal criminal financial employment or social penalties or remedies are probably not going to happen on your watch consequences that could result in a loss of their power their privilege their resource and their social standing are typically all that will ever get through to them and it very rarely happens in this world the world enables them our laws enable them it's not just you in narcissistic relationships we strive we have to strive for our own self-preservation and protection and we we need to try to heed those red flags early and often so there are alternatives to calling them out there's no point it is a pointless endeavor these are six things you can do instead keep them at ready access and recognize that at those times you want to say do you recognize what a raging narcissist you are i don't know go turn on that netflix thanks again

Channel: DoctorRamani

Views: 1,120,982

Keywords: yt:cc=on

Id: nffO-KJicQw

Length: 9min 15sec (555 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 10 2021