29. Andy Kaufman - Taxi Pilot | Taxi (1978–83)

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] it's filthy hey Tony you get creamed and you fight last night what's it like having a cauliflower back I didn't get creamed I lost on the decision I'm impressed but Fareed decided I was bleeding too much I'm sorry I didn't have anything smaller than a 50 Wow but I only got 150 dollars in the bank and I took it all out to come to New York and they gave me three fifties you have until you say look I'm sorry I had to bring you back here just to get changed are you kidding this is the New York kind of thing I've always dreamed of maybe you want to buy him one of our postcards there you go how much was that again 45 there's five I'm sorry I want to give you a tip it's just difficult to figure out what 15% of $4 85 senses when somebody's looking at you [Music] [Applause] no pennies thanks no pennies may I use the phone I have to find someplace to stay Yeah right then oh yeah yeah call me back breakfast ah you see I told you hey what sickness they don't give me a look like that I could ask a question a lot of people don't know about that it's a play so they play about a psychiatrist and a boy who worships horses so before I go in there I say straight to them gentlemen you're looking at the man you're gonna hire so that gets their interest up real quick oh yeah I remember you trying for us listen as soon as I finish over there I'll come over here and I'll tell you everything okay until then have a piece of gum oh thanks why did you tell him what part because Alex he won't understand Ryan but Alex see one and try and take a chance I'm up for the part of a horse yeah which n D this phone is terrific yeah we like it no no I mean this place broken see just put your money in and it comes right back you can call anywhere for free look okay behind me that's my caramel boys I got here first there's gotta be somebody somewhere you want to call no no not now oh this the National Theatre of London England yeah I'd like to speak to Sir Laurence Olivier please dad Bobby wheeler from New York City called no it's not personal I'm an actor too this is the National Theatre of London it's a good call I can't believe it I didn't think I could get you on the phone oh wow Laurence Olivier's secretary listen um you think that I could talk to him please oh do it oh wow no kidding taking a curtain call well don't bother him just just tell them that a guy know that an actor named Bobby Whelan just called to say [Applause] yeah hey hey thanks for listening bat breathe oh hey Alex you want to take my turn and no thanks sorry you got it well if you sure think I'll make a little one myself operator yeah I'd like to call Bangkok Thailand yeah when I was in Vietnam I went on an armored banker met a girl I just can't get out of my mind just crazy about Blasius lady I ever met yes operator I want the VIP massage ball okay I'll deposit the money excuse me um my name is Elaine Nardo they told me to ask for Louie yes ma'am i'm louise de palma I hope there's no trouble if there is I'll be glad to help in any way I can oh no no it's just if they told me I'd be starting work today as a driver oh here's my hack line you're a cab driver what do you mean busting my chops here make them believe you're a regular person I'll call your name and number till then keep your mouth shut what's wrong don't they feed you in there hey witty person fill out this form and I hope you fill it out better than you fill out your pants see we're all fun here now you mustn't be too upset with Louie miss he's really a very nice guy give me the scales off his back I'm only gonna be working your part-time oh yeah I saw the job oh yeah yeah I know we're all part-time yeah but I'm only work 60 hours a week no really I really work as a receptionist at an art gallery oh yeah I understand you see that guy over there he's an actor the guy on the phone here's a prizefighter this lady over here she's a beautician man behind her he's a writer me I'm a cab driver I'm the only cab driver in this place why is everyone here just a little angry hey it's bringing oh she's gonna be missed you're a very interesting person but I'm not sure he was interesting as a massage bother my Bangkok you know me better no Wow back to the massage parlor hello this is PFC Tony bantha I'm calling from the USA I'd like to speak to number 12 she's not huh he's doing anyway I could reach it oh well so long that since the war's over they only go up to nine hey was that a crazy call I made I mean think number 12 ever thinks of me how many times you ever say it 10 to 20 times how long were you in Bangkok yeah this is fun watch you make a call yeah actually I was taking it for a second about calling my yeah my kid I don't know you had a kid Wow boy or a girl 15 years yeah 15 years my ex-husband was right he's not the worst there is I'm he'll I abandoned my daughter now you're gonna shun me huh well let's put it this way I'd rather be on a desert island with him don't you wish Leonardo you know things aren't always as bad as they seem divorced mother's taking care of their children against incredible odds while the men are free to stay out all night join a gym and take advantage of girls named Effy look she married this gentleman from South America moved there with the kid and told me that if I really love my daughter I wouldn't contact us supposed to would cause too much confusion she told me that if I really wanted to be a good father I would allow this gentleman from South America show you what a how smart I was I bought it I'm sorry about what I said before not a heel you're a jerk I accept your apology science listen no matter what to agree to before it's to stop you from picking up that phone right now calling your daughter leave the man alone if he doesn't give a damn about his kid that's all right I'll call now call her tomorrow when the line isn't so long [Music] you are gonna feel so much better promise you I feel like we're getting married in hapless yes operator Rio de Janeiro yeah second home no idea what I'm gonna say to this kid [Applause] [Applause] that's telling a lot like no is a very important phone call it's a very bad time for English lessons right now please I'm waiting what is listen friend Thank You chambermaid for your excellent service I am glad I don't require medical assistance [Applause] very good very good but those phrases all have chambermaid every other word why does it take a look at the phrases I wrote in the back of the book get look get off my back give me a minute while I go to the can study those yes I've read I'm here yes oh my vodka later yes is mrs. dumb hosen enough consuelo's there Consuelos phyllis Bornstein Consuelos yes thank you easy brother could you be lucky if I like a pizza yeah sure hey no bed not bad thank you very much Oh Phyllis uh I'm not sure I know what to say to you oh you know that would be a good place to start Alex rigor yeah ah good listen Phyllis I was just thinking about Cathy can I speak to her Oh when did she leave why Portugal well that's no and so why is she going to college in Portugal what's a major sardines hey wait a minute that makes you'd be coming through New York Oh Miami well listen uh if you speak to her tell her I'm sorry I missed it wait Oh what time was she get into Miami if I want to meet her in Miami I'll meet her in Miami well what time tomorrow okay well I don't know I'll think about it I might okay what flight 936 thank you Phyllis uh justjust hold on a second first did you ever sort of think about us and Maine ate it okay right yes [Applause] Louie yeah I need to care no okay I gotta get tough with you guys we don't let cabs out no more come on Louie it's very important we I run this garage and no one takes my kids for joyrides give me a minute while I go to the can [Applause] when it'd be weird after all this trouble if we got there too late don't worry about it we'll make it I once had to be in Miami in a hurry for a fight I twelve it in 23 hours all by myself wow what a drive I swallowed a whole handful of uppers you know when the guy knocked me out I couldn't close my eyes [Music] no no I'm not I'm not going anywhere I'm looking for someone she's supposed to be leaving from this gate Cathy Consuelos she's here all right would you like me to page her oh you know know if there's anything to genetics I should be able to figure out which one she is well Alex good luck Cathy Consuelos yes oh excuse me I'm sorry I'm very sorry oh yeah I got him I'm sort of your father you were mr. Rieger yes right Riegert right yes ha well well I've been wondering about you yeah same here there's so much time to cover 15 years [Music] that gives us a less than 30 seconds for each year let me have to skip the 60s listen you would you like to sit down please wondering what you look well I'm much better-looking than this hey you I'm very pretty you're welcome hey we're getting along great how did you know I would be here Oh Father's know these things do you know anything about me I mean what have you heard just that you're living up on a ranch in Montana and you're thinking of running for United States Senate well I got some bad news for you I lost the Senate race I think your mother is trying to make me into much more of a exciting guy than I am but the real story is almost as good I'm a New York cab driver why wouldn't you want to tell me about that well I guess she didn't want to impress you you know there's so much I want to ask you I'm very aware of our time yeah that's exactly what I was thinking well like father like daughter hey what's wrong you really want to know yeah sure what is it not gonna like it okay go ahead well it's just that you keep on saying father you're not my father well I am sorry you're not my father my father is a man that has raised me for as long as I can remember hey come on that's not exactly true sure it is exactly true wait a minute I I I raised you for two years I mean it's not long but at least I got two years you must remember some of that time you mean you remember something from 15 years ago yes of course like what well like the fact that when you were born the doctor had a turn this we can get out the right way like starting with there like the fact that you used to look annoyed at me when I gave you a 2:00 a.m. feeding and I couldn't figure out why it was you who was annoyed you hardly crawl you went right to walking used to sneeze like a cat I even remember your favorite foods strained Peas yeah used to send it back if you got chopped peace I remember your favorite joke got your nose which is no longer your favorite joke listen Cathy you can rat me for a lot copping out telling myself that I was letting you out of my life for your good when the truth is I was looking for the easy way out myself just please don't tell me that I don't remember the experience of having a daughter for two years I mean please don't tell me that because I really do [Applause] hey listen when you weigh your bag over your shoulder always wear with the clasp on the inside it's safer that way all right I don't trust guys and wrist guards over here don't trust guys or go too far down with the puppies on their shirt and don't trust guys to wear too much religious stuff around their neck don't trust guys hey hey listen in case you want to right here huh here's something with my address on it let your driver's license oh oh my god that way you can have a picture of me too well listen uh so long I mean it was nice talking to you same here I think yeah that's money I just got it two seconds ago listen I better go [Music] [Music] well it was sweet while it lasted hey everybody guess what I got my hack license boy you've missed Rona Barrett one morning you lose touch Bobby I didn't expect to see you here I thought you got that job on necklace no they went another way I it's cool you know oh really it's cool it's cool oh thanks [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] right mr. Walters [Music]

Channel: Ishkah

Views: 343,058

Rating: 4.8376126 out of 5

Keywords: Andy Kaufman, performance comedy, situational comedy, sketch comedy, comedy, comedian, standup comedy, standup, existentialist, nihilist, anarchist, community, communitarian, behavioural science, bob zmuda, tony clifton, david letterman, george shapiro, talk show, interview, prank, joke, humour, elvis, taxi (tv program), latka gravas

Id: 6IHDrT1aiOk

Length: 24min 45sec (1485 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 16 2020