17 minutes of Craig Ferguson Destroying Husbands and Flirting with Mila Kunis

I've never been to Australia it's nice if you ever go H look out for these I drew a little face on them do I get a tou these are um they're they're test can I say testicles yeah yeah okay yeah you can says yeah yeah you can yeah this looks so like a happy um set of bulls yeah yeah have you been otherwise what are you up to you making films are you doing the uh what what's going on what am I doing been on any road trips you ever knock off any liquor stores and go on a crime spray or anything I jumped out of a plane no way I did shut up I did how did you survive I had a big man strapped to my back that that you know broke your phone yeah yeah well you really you went Sky I went skydiving I want to go again I think I'm going to go probably at the end of this month did they let you do that if you're making a film did they say go enjoy but I did I went in the middle of a production I can say it now because I finished the production but um I did it in the middle of August on my birthday I jumped out of a plane and I was shooting Friends with Benefits you look Sensational thank you so much you look lovely is that's a kind of you've got the folds and then the Roman sh I'm working it for you I mean I I I heard you got married I did congratulations on that thanks very much and I when they show that clip I was a little nervous because I don't want your wife to you know feel bad because of sexual tension is obviously so palpable and there's nothing like an amazing one piece hot pink mesh bathing suit to really turn a guy on you're right so I just want to say to Mrs Ferguson I apologize oh no that's that's all right she's still mad at me for flirting with Isaac Mahi a couple of nights ago he flirts like mad he's very flirty and he doesn't believe I'm he thinks I'm gay and he he says oh yeah you're wife like that to me all the time well I mean I I don't think this is helping your cause very much having a leg having a leg says you're gay the delicate leg cross I mean you and I hey how you doing huh actually I wouldn't mind it all right how have you been you been good I've been good how you been I've been fantastic been good I think Mrs Ferguson is mad now my husband is loving it does your husband get mad when you have to do SE why are you moving I was so comfortable there I know but things were happening thank you and this suit is not equipped for that kind of thing actually I'm having a bit of trouble again there you go good thing the desk is here yeah it is and this this desk though is flimsy no don't really it really is flimsy are actually apparently what happened is in the 1950s uh the the who started the Tonight Show Steve Allen and I think he had a desk so ever since then people have had desks I do no work at this desk it serves absolutely no purpose and I feel like you got a new desk and you're so much higher than you were before yeah I think that's I'm going to sit over there I um I think what happens is the the [Applause] [Music] uh would you be I I hate to be want me to no no I'm just wondering if you would could you fetch me my cup snake I don't want you to be uncomfortable I just want to what you get this snake thanks very much that's right thank you very much indeed you ever seen a dead body um yes in photos does that count no I mean like closeup have you ever like poked one with a stick no wait have you no oh no I would that would have been weird but I think do would you ever go to graveyards and and think oh it's life is so fleeting and you should like I guess so and you should do things like with wild abandon I probably should I kind of go to them like oh this is creepy I wonder if like zombies will pop out do you think do you think would come would you come here at night yes really on your own but I'm a little twisted I also like to go and see movies at cemeteries in La so yeah but that's with about 500 other hipsters I'm talking here on your own with no hipster friends and no maybe little cigarettes I don't know what you're talking about but actually coming up here on your own without uh any sandwiches or anything to keep warm can everyone like a taser with me no oh like a knife what good is a knif going look at that look there a person running yeah get her look at that where do you think she's going she's on the phone she's like missing you guys welcome to Scotland oh I don't know what it was it was like so crazy the house was just so yeah my husband's liking it too yeah but in our bodies it just feels so weird cuz it just feels like there's an alien and it's like a science fiction thing happening and you you you I mean come on no what is it there there's there's a line from The Simpsons when Homer's trying to persuade Marge to be a surrogate mother and she won't do it for money and he says oh come on Marge it's utter us not utter you it's maybe one of the best lines I've had great line now my husband is going to say that line all the time I know yep it's good line and it's a good line well we're we're out of time here that was so fast no I mean not not fast not fast it's okay don't be embarrassed I was excited fast it was perfect it was just perfect absolutely perfect if we do it again it'll be longer no it's okay it was great I'm going to tell all my friends that it was wonderful thank you so much you've said that before haven't you never all right uh so awkward pause mouth organ or touch my glittery ball has anyone ever tried all three oh my God overachiever I'm just saying there's something in the trifecta because here's the thing you give the golden mouth organ award you give nothing there's no golden awkward Paws well it's just for the joy of doing it which is very incredibly joyful but I don't know I'm kind of feeling like mixing it up a little so maybe maybe we do two out of three or i n do a lot I think you're right I I'm just going to say this could go horribly wrong okay let's get the balls out stretched okay this Barnacle Barnacle Plankton put the or my right there all right do we no I got it I got it I think we might be able to sneak that in uh do we call the order or do we just see what happens now well I think we should just improvise our way through I mean remember so all you have to do is suck and blue suck and blue oh I know how to suck and blue all right so suck and blue uhhuh uh uh things are going to be a little awkward award and then we'll see what happens [Music] okay I feel bad about my favorite show ever what is your show oh no mine is the wire okay well mine's Dexter then Dexter do you like Dexter it's about the serial killer I love Dexter do you like serial killers are you attracted to serial killers a little bit really do you like do you like the uh he like a vigilante what the um Silence of the Lambs you know oh yeah he I thought you were doing like a T-Rex I'm not sure well he kind of does that in the movie he does go like arms I don't know about that put the lotion in the [Applause] basket the lotion basket I God you're going to be bleeped out twice now toots fruits he can beep as much as they want and I feel like she like hugs you into her bosom like she's one of those women that's like let me take care of you baby yeah but but that's see men like that in a different way than well now to be fair some ladies like that you're right I've been to San Francisco I know exactly what you say I no way want to single out any gender preference sexuality area for ridic this is a very accepting show yes absolutely I I feel that the people who are judged harshest on this show are the guests yes I agree I agree and occasionally Jeff Jud I like to think that Jeff is still a guest I actually never met Jeff I was here last time it was the big buildup to Jeff's arrival yeah right yeah yeah yeah well now you're looking at the big disappointment after he's been here for a while pretend I'm not here can't Jeff it's impossible oh right well there you go he's gay sexy yeah yeah he he is gay he's gay gay robot I think I think he's gay I don't know is uh his genitalia is stuck in customs so uh so until we can can get his package here and have a look at it we don't know does that mean don't laugh it only encourages him St that sounds painful sounds really painful to have your genito second Customs it's not as bad as you'd think with your ring again you were doing right there I I fidget what did I do you were doing nothing oh my God you je one I had to Jeff get in line tell me more yeah shut up no that must be a kind of a Freudian thing or I just fidget I fidget I like there is no fidgeting you think this is a frean maybe do you think this is Frid do you want to wear do you not fidget with your rings I do a little bit I fidget with my wedding ring and then have this other that what's that ring that's my family crest right there I want a family crest I don't think my family was crusted I don't think yeah yeah the kunas they're they are so well known right for what why don't know where are they originally from Russia right shouldn't have to Ukraine the Ukraine yeah I don't know if we cred people what with like our wheat Farms like what were we cring well maybe you get a little Wheat Farm or something on your ring all right is that really your good family crest yeah right there looky yeah there's a little look at that isn't that great all right yeah okay H interesting you get k killed by the mafia oh yeah I didn't know this yeah they they give you a they go hey he's going to be wearing a cement sock oh [Laughter] okay sometimes when the audience feel sorry for me they applaud see W so tell me this are you do you still live in Miami or are you out here now well I'm here but I go out there for the holidays and I was just there now and it's so great I ate so much I feel good though yeah yeah how come you I mean I am a really I'm good you know to eat and I think of course thank you that was good that was good okay okay so now that we're on this that's know that okay now that we're on this yeah all right um I really have this great story that happened do you want to hear about it oh okay okay so I had some of this wonderful little potion it's called it's like a mixture of melatonin and some natural things to go to sleep it's a sleeping eight and it's natural so sure so's heroin I don't know and I'm not interested any who right so I drank some of this you know to you know change times and get used to my Jet right right right right right and um well I wake up and I am covered in pistachios I had a great sleep but covered in pistachio shells I got super frightened cuz I thought somebody had like you know vandalized me with pistachio shells and I I was literally covered and I was like oh my gosh someone came in and just threw pistachio shells at me and and I'm I'm talking to myself and I tasted my mouth and I ate and shelled pistachios in my sleep I sleep eat I I don't even take time to sleep I eat are you sure because sometimes I've Dr drinking things that I didn't know what they were and then I wake up with nuts on me that happened does it no it happen but you really do you have sleep that's a real thing though that's a thing it's a sleep IA or something yeah no you got to be careful with that what if you ate something in your choke that's dangerous that's very dangerous yeah you got to put a a lock on the ref refrigerator or maybe sleeping in a place where there's no food absolutely I mean but I I I I don't know I don't know why I chose such a hard thing to eat cuz like it's not something that you had no choice in the M you were asleep I I don't I don't know I mean it's not you could said oh I'll just make myself some toast you couldn't you mustn't blame yourself that's the main thing thank you probably or was he a bachelor what you are you implying something I'm just asking I don't want to offend a lot of Scots no no no no it's it's all right I mean they they're he no he was married I think he was yeah I think so and he lived in Edinburgh oh but they got his thing here I don't know this is massive I mean it's truly massive I don't think he's buried here or anything it's just a mon that was the actual size of him though that's why people were uh so taken with he was like PA Bun over here yeah he was great and he used to go and plant trees is that Paul bunion no that was maybe Johnny apple seed I don't know we're both immigrants I don't I don't know like American folklore no I don't either like what's the one with where Charlie Brown Saves Christmas with that's my that's yes Charlie Brown likes to save Christmas from the Grinch well why does that it it just happens that way the Grinch stole it and Char Charlie Brown gets it lus Lucy Charlie all went in there and it's the infinite story of how they stole Christmas back that was rough yeah that was bad yeah hey like do you ever think about death like what what do you think happens after you die you die yeah well I know you die you don't you don't die again stop breathing well yeah I know the physical the physical but what about the metaphysical what do you think happens to your your thoughts and your do you believe go yeah I think I do what about you I don't know I think I don't know as a better answer I don't know I can honestly say I don't know yeah I think I believe in something I don't think that we are the center of the universe no I don't think that either um I can't tell you about the second coming of Christ Christ or Jesus that all I don't you don't know anything about that um but maybe there's something out there there has to be I think that but I don't know if you as send up or down I don't know if I believe in like you go up in the clouds if you go to heaven or you go down you know that I don't believe I have a hard time believing that if someone's big enough to create the entire universe he'd be concerned about what food you ate in what day yeah it's not really that's not really a big picture guy I wouldn't think so I think you'd have bigger things to worry about yeah yeah what about uh country music do you like country music you don't cuz there that song From a Distance that's country song you know what I'm talking about right I do I like when you sing it though oh you do you like my singing I do or would you want me to sing ask me to I'll sing anything we're in the graveyard there's nobody here how about George Michael Faith No I don't want to sing any George Michael think in a deserted graveyard but but we're in you don't you have to have faith well yeah but I don't want to sing a George Michael song in a deserted graveyard cuz it kind of look like I'm trolling for anonymous sex with you are just with a camera crew and a whole lot of people no no I'm not no I'm not is this your first time in Glasgow yeah what are you going to do drink beer and eat fish and chips you fit right I feel like I'm doing really good so far you doing great um it's really it's a little bit chilly I have to say but it's chiler than Russia uh not Russia during winter time no it's good we're out of time oh okay fancy and awkward pause uh sure okay good morgan Genesis Rodriguez everybody right [Applause] [Music] w

Channel: Bite-Sized Betterment

Views: 231,269

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Id: bXzo2iF44LI

Length: 17min 6sec (1026 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 29 2024