Craig Ferguson 14 Minutes of Innocent Flirts with Hot Actresses

texture is the word I was going for so that you base your diet on texture I do I do totally base my diet so do you like soft foods or hard Foods I don't like clementines the way they kind of taste in your mouth when they break you mean the small oranges clementines oh Mandarin mandarins tangerines clementines they're all kind of the same thing I look forward to your letters I think they're all they're all small tasty fruit balls yeah but they break apart in your mouth in a really kind of unpleasant way you don't like that no well what do you like to feel in your mouth it's a perfectly legitimate question to someone who bases their diet on texture what kind of texture do you enjoy crunchy you know sort of reliable reliable child yes wow I was like a prodigy Nikita style can you do all that can you do all that kind of H I can't right but I can really pretend I can pretend my ass off don't do that pretend something else some things okay some things you should just leave the way they are you know what I'm saying I'm buying this off a the car off a German person that doesn't qualify you as having visited the you met a German person do I mean I've met Japanese people I've never been to Japan by was most I feel like I've been to Germany just but he must be very German if two German people two Germans in Ontario really that's how it starts how did they get to Ontario Oh you don't want to know they March the uh I know it is you better h on this show I've noticed you wear a hat a lot I do wear a hat on the show yeah which is a shame because you've got such a lovely head well thank you but it's been such a big deal it's funny I I I thought like this hat represents this character like she has an attitude and when you have a hat on as a woman it's an attitude and so you know it makes you feel like you have an attitude do you know what I mean do you feel like you have an attitude oh it looks like I've got a giant head Hat's too too small it's a it's a shame you wear it let me see that no it's nice looks good and but I'm surprised that you chose to wear a hat cuz you're famous for your head I am she God for God's sake what I can't believe you're telling everybody Hollywood thinks your head is fantastic don't listen to this man what I'm just saying she wears a hat cuz you've got great head sister a do doctor right so like my sister yes your sister's a doctor she is what kind of what kind of doctor is your sister Internal Medicine internal medicine so all her work is done indoors what does that mean internal medicine that means like it's all organs no she doesn't do hair no that was a really good one bana it's yeah but what's your blood type I'm an A so I'm an A positive yeah you are uh we solved the mystery of secret Santa on secr Santa there's a tradition at my [Music] house I don't know why I did that I'm really sorry we had gotten away from all that and then I brought it back I know I disappointed you I can see it in your eyes but look at secret Santa do you do Secret Santa yes yes it's a tradition at my place um every year um this year was the fifth year that we did it we do a secret Santa and um and it's always rigged yes because um I don't know how secret santa works oh okay well basically you pick a name out of a hat and that's the person you buy a present for and they don't know buy whose hat is it you're very irrelevant today I'm irrelevant every day in the damn way you clearly haven't read my reviews um so you don't know who gets you a present and and so you get the present and you have to guess who gave it to you and not all those people in a circle and it's really fun um now is your place in London or is your place no no in Portugal in oh in Portugal so your London friends come to Portugal well because they everybody and who brings the Hat this is pre-plan oh my God no no um very very attractive you know that it's true you really are is they're kind they have manners they call me Miss Lori men open doors it's like a men will open doors for you in the north too my dear yeah you cross the Mason Dixon line doors will still be flying open for you for a long time you be all right all the way to Canada I think come on in E they'd be fine even Scotland you ever been there yes I have really actor that could have done that Morgan Freeman did you guys make out yet no no I think we're going to make out later I saw some chemistry in her eyes or it might have been disgust in Morgan Freeman's eyes it might have been that it was kind of making me jealous why well you just kept talking about the lip gloss and wanting to make out with them you never mentioned me once yeah cuz it's ridiculous if I oh yes well see [Music] I yeah you drink out of that yeah that's right Daddy needs a little little moisture I can't believe you still have that cup well I had it last time you were here right yeah it's a long time oh yeah so I've used the same cup for a long time oh well look at me oh look at Grandpa he doesn't get new cups like all the kid K are using different cups now I don't think Morgan Freeman will have a snake cup at his house oh really maybe he already has one maybe he got given one as a gift by one of his friends I want you to give me a snake cup I'll give you a snake cup young lady yeah oh Dirty Dirty Man Dirty Craig dirty cig I am not dirty I said I give you a snake cup and you will receive one and you will enjoy it that I will you would bet I would you would laughing here why I can't help it you're you're very tough on yourself I'm I'm worried about you I worry about that really I do you're a beautiful young woman your career is fantastic you're doing well you know yeah I mean all right this is a momentary aberation but otherwise I know you know you're doing great why would you be tough on yourself I guess that's what I do right well knock it off I will you know I'm going to stop right now yeah good I'm going to I'm going to walk out of there really with confidence and I'm going to feel beautiful you are beautiful girl a mind the CER everybody nice dress isn't it look at you over your shoulders you like those yeah your shoulders yeah they're awesome do you ever wear shoulder pads like just shoulder pads I like to do the shoulder pads and heels and then nothing else as well oh yeah that's uh it's all right right isn't it that's actually called a snake cup shoulder pads and heels and nothing else that's what you call a snake cup no I call a snake cup something different so do I sick well it was a part of a family vacation Christmas experience MH so I couldn't ruin Christmas I'm I have no problem doing that every year no I like to lose my temper and get hideously drunk in front of the kids wow no of course not I don't even drink anymore I lose my temper though over what oh stupid I like just stupid crap what about you do you you lose your temper you seem very even sort of I'm mellow you're kind of gorgeous actually yeah you really don't you don't have a [Applause] [Music] temp don't applaud when I say that it makes me look even creepier you don't you don't lose your temper you're very kind of no that's why you know movie business is fun you can act out and then you'll cut and then it was all pretend it'll be about some chick with a snake cup yeah but that's not the type of movie you want people to see or is it I don't know I find it very difficult to talk to you is it the shoulder no it's not the shoulder well the shoulder's part of it what's the other part all the other parts blushing a little bit no you're not blushing on the side no no no no you're not no how do you know I'm not cuz I know you and you don't blush easy Alison Wonderland and the Mad Hatter see that that's in between writing songs you really so it was quite fun you dance around in the garden yeah all the time i' like I've got a really cool Garden why wouldn't I dance in it do you Garden do you have a compost heat I do garden but not as regularly as I would like are we still talking about [Laughter] gardening let's not go there this time that's that's my go-to place go I I'm not going there girl I live there I'm already here this is my house welcome this is my little place in Devon where I go a little man this is the man house this is way more M than my house this you won't catch me writing any songs or definitely not I don't have any teacup poodles here let me ask you about food in the bedroom what do you think about squirty uh I got a letter from someone earlier on I don't know what kind of food squirty yeah you know like cream and berries and such berries who squirts berries trained athletes oh right oh really do they oh oh my God no no they don't no no like cream cream cream's okay squirt but it's Valentine's Day so you can squirt whatever you want no you can no you can't cream berries no anything goes no why not I it wasn't me it was her why do I say these things it wasn't me it was her okay okay moving on quickly all right show you got a new album right then is that right now there's some lovely pictures of you here I like this nose ring by the way thank you you know my best friend told me that I look like a a bull I know this isn't your best friend no no that's what friends are for well to tell you you look like you look like a beautiful free spirited hippie chick but from the future who's gorgeous oh thank you oh I've said too much sweet I've said too much haven't I no no no no carry on no I can't you see I if I do I get it know of it isn't the pain going for the pain a little bit of it it is I I really enjoyed that you said that's the part of it that's the charm too I mean you what I mean every I'm not judging you I just well it's just every time you put that in your mouth I feel like I don't know like you're like when you're staring at me you look so peaceful and like you're making these kind of head nodding movements and I don't know I feel like you think that I'm a derable person is that what you're thinking what are you thinking that's not what I'm thinking that's what you're thinking SC here's what I'm thinking she's party that's it oh what's going on we be right back to SCH everybody you should have seen that we were so funny and he we were hilarious I touched his knees I lik when you did it again though yeah yeah I think I kind of have I think I kind of have a thing for you a little bit a little bit yeah a little bit yeah that's I'm okay with that yeah all right mutual respect yeah that's what I have for you mutual respect yeah fantastic I I would love to respect you like [Applause] crazy oh my God no I'm saying is there goes my life just saying just saying I'd like to you know I'd like to get a hold of you pull your hair a little bit and respect you isn't that okay come on I'm not I'm not saying anything okay fine that's fine I think that's fine although it is a talk show it's going to get awkward sooner or later what do you mean sooner or later yeah no it does get pretty penis then the car is the thing it's very important if you're an American with a tiny penis well that doesn't really happen but of course if it did happen none of I mean not here no no compan course yes I don't have a penis so it's not a problem for me what are you saying meaning my car isn't no I know I know what you're saying I I know I'm sorry why what's going on what's going on with you every time I come here it devolves so fast and we're talking about below the belt I think there's a sexual subtext with you and I I think that's what it is I think there's a there's a little bit of sexual chemistry there and you know we're both grown-ups so you know we tell infantile jokes about it yes you're right you're right that's what it is hey I M maybe you should have an ey patch and a parrot and land is and oh you're doing it to me again that would be great you he would probably call you up that I swear to God you do that one more time I respect you right here I'm done I'm done I'm [Music] done Happy Thanksgiving Happy Thanksgiving I'm thankful for you being here that's what I yeah I'm thankful for you and your KNE I'm thankful for what you did there yeah I'm thankful for the way you came out with your little shorts my little roller skate

Channel: Bite-Sized Betterment

Views: 198,429

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Id: 9nWVXwmW76E

Length: 14min 38sec (878 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 26 2024