Craig Ferguson Shows Us What Old School Real RIZZ IS !

have you guys worked out an audition thing then we certainly have listen darling I've got an audition tomorrow night at my place it's on my couch all right that's enough what time what time is it Jeffrey Peterson why don't you tell everyone what time it is Alex everyone's like you have to dress really sexy for Craig really who says that I think I might too what happens if I do that thing I have to say that's a very distracting dress sorry you're famous for your head I am I mean mama he's 17 17 and you know you made sure to say hi to Jeff can I interject I like it when you do that with your finger again right there should we just do the whole we'll just do it like this the whole inter like this tell me about yourself wait up can't think getting a little sweaty uh it's a little awkward now it's a little awward what happens if I do that thing that's really horrible is it when you have a hat on as a woman it's an attitude and so you know it makes you feel like you have an attitude do you know what I mean do you feel like you have an attitude it looks like I've got a giant head hat Hat's too too small it's a it's a shame you wear let me see that no it's nice looks good and but it's I'm surprised that you chose to wear a hat cuz you're famous for your head I am God great for God's sake what I can't believe you're telling everybody in Hollywood thinks your head is fantastic don't listen to this man what I'm just saying she wears a hat cuz you've got great head how did you ever go for the uh you know like um you know acupuncture or massages you go for them yeah I can give a massage yeah yeah okay not now I can't do it now no I I I need to you don't have the oil I don't have my oil I don't have my nurse's outfit would never can I ask you something about the the show that you're doing it's got the marijuana smoking there and you're with the the young fell 17 he he's 17 17 that's illegal I know 17 and we do it on top of the cheeseboard that's illegal and unsanitary CIA your Dad's here would you date a cereal girl um depends on what he looked like I mean if you were a seral I mean if you were a serial killer date I date really and guess what I'm not though sorry then I did a movie with him years ago you did I played a gay hairdresser hard to believe I know my God and he played my bestie friend your bestie my no no no best best he was kind of like confused was well he he liked me but he didn't you know he was kind of like oh you know yeah yeah Donal can be very indecisive like that sometimes oh I don't think so with you he would be do you know what you have you have lipstick marks on your cheeks and it's for me and I apologize but you're very pretty you sure you got to I'll have another crack see we got you might want to rumage you may have left some elsewhere how have you met Jeff was he here last time when you were here yeah but he wasn't as good yes and yes and yes and yes and yes M what do you mean mama I mean mama it's very weird je it's very weird yeah that's very weird Jeff I mean Jeff you're gay not today I'm not what are you a jazz fan oh love jazz love blues and I heard you play a mouth organ that I want you to blow a little bit later I also play the [Laughter] harmonica did you ever do any modeling by any chance um yeah I yeah yeah did you do the the runway modeling you know oh right yes uh I I imagine you probably did yeah yeah normally I can speak uh [Applause] but not today having a bit of a hard time this evening don't know what it is it's kind of hot in this studio I'm feeling a little is it hot in here well you're wearing that so uh yeah are you Jeff uh uh uh I'm good I'm good I'm good yeah I love your blue eyes I love everything about you I I'm no long and he's gay you know yeah not anymore yeah no you are you really are a fine of jazz yeah no I am I did this uh I did this movie in New Orleans last summer and I got really into the blues and every now we went to out to a different jazz blues bar and the harmonica just really kind of just got into my blood yeah it's good do you play yourself and I no I just got one though and I want to learn so maybe you can be my teacher no no I could maybe I could is that the sore leg yes the doctor told me to elevate it so here we go no this is the late L show right it is now yeah did you always want to be an actress is that is that what you you wanted to do you got well I was a figure skater actually growing up oh how gorgeous mhm yeah did you wear the little uh outfits I did I I do I was going to wear one you can tonight yeah hey you know it's only half 12 the night's young you play the girlfriend of the hot firefighter yeah I get nice job yeah you make out with him yeah a lot [Laughter] nice do you do any firefighting I'm glad you guys had booze back there you have booze back there really I didn't know we had booze back there I don't encourage that either I don't even know what the hell's going on here your kids running around eating candy and there's booze back there the hell is going on we're going to have the the uh God what's going on that's Jeff where am I what who's that guy tell one thing I'm not gay anymore you really can fire a gun yeah that was a 45 right there I find that very very attractive in a woman you know I think there's something very attractive about KN how yeah that's good too that's also good that little thing what the hell is that when people do that oh look my hand's really a person coming to get you well hello well hello you going my way don't mind if I do it's a three so oh hello oh yeah and that that that is the closest you'll get to sex on the the show okay but I have a great co-anchor B she's gorgeous and she's like wonderful yeah and we have a let's get her on that I yeah I'll do the sh buties I don't give a right ass let's do it we have a we have an all female cast fun that sounds like it they're almost making the news a bit sexier than perhaps it need be at any point during the news does it start raining and you girls kind of like no that means it's time for entertainment news we do we do have a beautiful weather person Jackie gito she's beautiful so she's gorgeous she's like she's pretty I believe you listen I I'm I'm All About It from now on I would like my news delivered entirely in Spanish hello my love how are you I am great you look Sensational may I say Sensational it's the red it's my this is my no the Red's just a color I've seen red it's you inside the red working for me absolutely and your shoes are very nice I know these are well we know what these are these are c blank me shoes this that those shoes are uh oh what did you say no I thought those shoes were a little more like you usually when girls wearing them they're dancing ah you know Gentlemen please welcome apparently interesting aren they aren't they stripp that you think they're stripper heels no I don't know I don't know no I think that's exactly what you were saying I was implying it you would know better than me I would not know I I only look I made the joke first I said they were come blank me shoes yeah come fly with me I just don't have to put my legs up on the desk I have to be careful I can't show my whoopy yeah no be careful with that yeah be care of if you meet someone in one of those clubs how do you know if they're nice because you can't really see them and you can't really hear them they could be I don't really meet guys at clubs that's not my type they're usually like the biggest corn cheese balls so I don't usually talk to guys the clubs then where do you meet them just like at the laundre perhaps friends at the gym the gym I don't know I'm just making that up no that's I don't go to the gym no come on you do you look very healthy thank you I know yeah you know what I'm cling and dancing yeah I was going to say you look healthier than I've seen you look I think you just for you really no every time I'm like about to the show everyone's like you have to dress really sexy for Craig he lik that really who says that just everyone like he loves cleavage I was like okay what wait wait this could be a lie um I I enjoy cleavage and I'm an American citizen I'm entitled to it who doesn't love cleavage you're right who doesn't love used to be a cheer for the Dallas Cowboys shut up did you really you're paying me $400 to come here and talk and now you're telling me to shut off no no that's did you get $400 for it I did it the G it was actually a raise it was a raise from yesterday your race just went up a little bit did they really yeah thank you and this economy I do need it wow so hey you hear that celebrities come on out been my father and aside from the fact that the whole whole the whole thing is kind of a bull crap you you don't like you don't like Valentine Day I have to I do you want to get married I have to say Craig I've always thought you were very handsome well thanks very much we don't need to handsome you're handsome you're a handsome man we wrote a time uh do you fancy do you want a piece of fruit I would love a piece of fruit uh what do you fancy a banana uh okay yeah there you are it leans a bit to one side but you'll be all right say sh everybody rubber hi you I haven't seen you in ages I know it's really nice to see you it's lovely to see you it's better for me look tell you you you look great you look so healthy thank you thanks so much I feel healthy you look very healthy indeed have you been have you been working out at all I have a lot yeah well because in the show you take your clothes off a lot clearly constantly I I I wonder do you have any DVD copies of them right yes I do actually yeah I I'd quite like to see I'm having trouble keeping my eyes in one place Jennifer why is that well cuz I I they keep falling after all this time I haven't seen you for all this time and I and I'm not looking at you at all I've seen you for ages and I'm like hey what's up oh yeah that's good stick your hair in your cleavage that'll really make it okay that's not sexy at all yeah hello oh that hi no you're squishing them you may have been on my list Craig Ferguson and now I think my husband's probably watching the show like trying to see if I'm throwing you any signs like but I don't think he's going to notice this at all I mean this is really subtle I don't think pick up on that he's not going to see he's not going to notice anything uh no that's what do yeah I uh for an orgy no don't where is he wait no don't why he wants to be out here you know he I know he wants he said he hasn't had an orgy but he's thought about it well let's let's ask have you ever been part of an or I this was going to come up I was actually going to ask you why you wasted two and a half minutes talking about having an OG with Larry and not me well I you know just wondering no there's a method behind this cuz you know with Larry there has a comedic effect to it with you it's a whole different mindset oh right I get it okay um cool uh what was the question again I can't remember no I was going to say that you know you you you've been very outdoorsy but you know we've you know we've gone a little Hol little bit jumped you just skipped so far from Ori you like you like you know what I can't even deal with all right let's go Argy then all right if you were in an orgy what would be your possession guitar or no guitar BR strum or pluck strum or pluck I I actually like to strum and pluck is that okay that's good yeah I'm European so I can do both at the same time and I love playing guitar but there's a lot of other people who play guitar better than me so I would actually probably I'd have a little strum and a little plaque but then I'd pass it on to maybe a really goodlooking male who was really amazing at playing guitar and then continue the oy wait wait wait wait is no no no no none of that was about you went to an old girl school really how was that we wear uniforms did you wear a uniform you still have your uniform I sure do in the box somewhere I'm a very creepy old man it is always a delight to see you you look very well thank you you look very You're beautiful your hair your hair looks lovely and other areas of you look just spectacular have you been working out in some way you look very buff doing a little Pilates yeah it's well it's working thank you yeah I'm having to do the guy thing to do that with my eyes cuz I keep see when guys do that they're not being rude they're trying to be polite and not look at your boobies does that Happ you a lot sometimes yeah think I like it yeah me too I I had a lot of fun on on the back of a horse what are we talking about hey hey no I'm blushing yeah I listen you you're blush you walk up and down with your underwear but this is what makes you blush all right we're out of time do you want a piece of oh yeah okay I'll take the Apple really there's some coconuts here oh I love coconut I like coconut too would you like me to smash it for you no do you know your blood type yes what is it I think it's O well you should have a banana cuz bananas are good for your blood type just saying just putting it out there so let me get this straight your kid's better my kid your grandma's better than my grandma and I should have a banana in yeah but what's your blood type I'm an A so I'm an A positive yes you are uh well um my sister I have a sister older sister and um she your sister had a sister of a sister yeah I I do have a sister I'm sorry you don't understand my asent because you're Scottish accent yeah no it's bad I know Jeff can you help me I have no idea what either one of you are say yeah but nobody cares it's fine so basically I do have a sister and um she asked me to join her to go to a beauty school and I went and one manager from Russia came there and discovered me there and he asked me if I want to go to Paris and I say no oh but then it changed my mind yes and um I went to Paris and that's you like Paris I Do but I prefer St Petersburg you prefer St Petersburg I think I might too no what she said to me about she said about men men are very visual so don't forget that she said every day just put put a little makeup on put on some nice underwear and you'll keep your husband that's what she told me you know I I think the there truth in that and when I say that I mean for me I can't I can't speak for all men but I think men are visual aren't women visual too though no women need to be mentally stimulated I see would you like I just got the Ab Circle off of TV have you seen this no it sounds like an infomercial though it is it is and it's this big disc thing that you like put your well the position's odd maybe consider this you're no no no I I I'm thinking about it but I'm thinking about it for you you're sort of on all fours and you Swit around it's really it's good now that I think sounds very good yeah yeah you do this do you wear that little dress when you're on I don't but I wear the shoes nice yeah are you a sucker for The infomercials then do you buy stuff from I love it love it you want to get one of them vacuum cleaners with the proper amount of suction though that's all okay I got one you did yeah it's got one ball I had one of those too what page is that on then 75 75 have you ever have you ever been have you ever been romantically involved with a gentleman and got a surprise similar to that a one ball surprise not a one ball surprise but I kind of like oh this is lovely oh this is lovely what the hell is this I I think when you I think when you first see a man naked you have that reaction yeah CU I mean you know yeah well well but usually that's pretty far you to run into in the middle but it's not something you want right away I mean if you if you're in a relationship with a guy there should be you know discret use of t-shirts and shorts you know and so that but wait until you know that you're you're in love with them before you actually you don't want to bring that thing out in daylight right no no no and it's not really even that it's all the other bits and pieces it's yeah wind catches it and it's wind catches it if you're the that ain't the wind girl that's those little shoes in the thing the OB circle thing that's what that is oh sorry honey the wind got my [Laughter] beepy yeah I'm glad we about this yeah I have to say that's a very distracting dress sorry it's all right actually the dress is fine it's it's I'm just having a very hard time is that a tattoo yeah I've got I've got a lot of them yeah you I've got a lot of time this goes all the way up round and whoa you go on follow the snake go on Alice down there go on going to do as a member of the non-tattooed community I find tattoos fascinating really yeah are you interested didn't getting one no really why why do you hate America they are they are very uh closely linked to America a lot of Americans have them I don't dislike them I just don't know if I want one on myself no you probably yeah I mean you're pretty good as you are I have to be honest I just would regret it I think well regrets part of life actually it is it is yeah it's all right J regret J regret re there you go no can I just ask you something the next time you want the Bell just ask I'll bring over don't lean over the desk cuz I'm not don't get mad at me I'm not trying to I'm just saying that I think it takes more than that to make me mad but let's try it again and see if you can sing not as easy as it looks is it turns out this is a skill yeah you can't have your fingers on it when you press that little bit in the middle yes cuz the Acoustics won't TR right so you have just pop the button and move right thank you I got the robot going Hey listen uh where have you been what have you been up to where have you been this summer I've Been Everywhere this summer I we we obviously Star Trek um that's what I'm saying You must have been all around the world yes we did we went to Mexico Russia Berlin which was phenomenal I've never been to Berlin I'd like to go at Berlin have you been no you should go it's great I hear you're fluent in German we [Laughter] um Berlin where else did we go Moscow was intense it had the worst traffic in 4 hours some people take 4 hours to get home from work really in Moscow yeah the traffic is unprecedented I don't I don't remember that I just remember being a cold very cold and I got and I had a fur hat you bought one they sell them on the street they're sort of common like sunglasses in Venice Beach yeah yeah I mean you got to you must have bought a fur hat though surely no because fur's dubious isn't it it's not real fur oh no no I wouldn't I wouldn't buy a real forur a hat I would just ask the animal to politely sit in my head until until such time as it had enough and it could move along of its own free will so you don't wear fur then I don't know if animals have free will do they I think they do don't they do we even have free will oh gosh I knew you were going to take me here all right then

Channel: Bite-Sized Betterment

Views: 24,516

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Id: QPmauRymej4

Length: 23min 19sec (1399 seconds)

Published: Mon May 06 2024