Craig Ferguson Best Dirty Moments Ever with Hot Actresses and Geoff's Girlfriend

I mean you're dad yes but I'm plugged in and I can go for a long time this is too creepy Alex this is too creepy you shouldn't be hanging see this is the kind of thing I warned you about in Hollywood you try to be an actress and then you know creepy old guys like Jeff will h on you yeah have you guys worked out an audition thing then we certainly have listen darling I've got an audition tomorrow night at my place it's on my couch all right that's enough what time what time is it Jeffrey Peterson why don't you tell everyone what time it is Alex that's right get going go on give it a blow hey no wow man look at your ass in the back of this thing right here thank you damn it I know stop doing this to me just when I'm just about to get there you cut me off that's mayor of San Francisco so what do you do go to strip clubs and things yeah yeah what do you think about that I think that's awesome I thought you might you know I think there's something nice about a woman just letting it all out taking it off just just just dancing and shaking just shimmying I could go I could go on and on go right ahead married to to my father to your father my uh hey these days you know that's uh my father was a man named Eddie fiser and uh he they were best friends with uh Elizabeth Taylor and her husband at the time Mike Todd Mike Todd tragically passed away in a plane accident and my father consoled Elizabeth with his penis [Applause] [Laughter] I love you I've always loved you I love you more every time I see you I couldn't have put it better myself with you no Jeff Jeff you know if you want to bring someone on at the show your girlfriend on at the show then I'll just talk to her all right so you just you just unplug yourself just stay quiet all right oh hey hey Shut up all right all right Jeff no that's fine I'll just fine if you're going to bring I could bring my girlfriend on the show my wife would be but I could bring her that's a joke honey that was a joke that was a joke [Laughter] baby and is it better all the way up your leg it is yes thank you well that's that's awesome it's quite a question thank you well you know I like to know that your legs are fine they are thank you I I don't mean to concentrate on your legs there's other areas that I enjoy immensely as well man look at your ass in the back of this thing right here thanks what are you liking man what you looking for on a young fell cantelopes most calop you all yeah avocado really does it is a concern of yours testicle size well it should be shouldn't it everyone should worry about these things because Doctor Oz says that it means you're healthy if it's a good size well I don't know that he necessar he just was saying he was talking about the design of nature because of the clicky Clacks that whole thing it worries me what what worries you the sound that it makes oh click CL no no they don't make much of a noise well at least they shouldn't but if they do maybe if they make a noise then maybe you're gentleman's friends older than he's telling you m are making a noise right now no no it's a bit Rusty but it's okay it's okay I'm just kidding with you though you can take a joke I know you no I can't no I can't no I'm going to comes to my avocados look here's here's the thing let's let's do a little role play here I like role play all right I'm the studio head right and you're pitching me this movie about hitchhikers all right you ready okay okay go can I do something sexual hey depends if you want your movie made or not I really have to pitch it now horrible at this though I'm that's not my job I'm an actress I go in and just do the lines they tell me to do all right then you don't have to PCT just do something sexual who in robot years that means he's 384 all right so we thought it' be I thought it'd be a great idea if you know if I um if I invited Jeff's ex-girlfriend and heterosexual experiment uh Alex to come over and you know and wish him happy birthday and we got him a hat and uh things have gotten a little weird look like a gay wizard wait wait wait wait wait wait they have straight Wizards I know yeah so things been awkward to you and Jeff you know a little bit yeah yeah because Jeffrey Dean Morgan's on the show tonight yeah yeah and I kind of have a crush on him a little would that be because his first name is Jeffrey is it that or because he's handsome and human and uh and Alive yeah partially and he's a little bit more bronny than Jeff yeah yeah I'm standing right here anyway you were going to tell me what you were looking for in a man oh I was was it yeah yeah yeah well you might not be going to tell me but you're going to tell me now you know what I don't have a type really no H is that bad should I have a type should I start pigeon hauling people so I don't get I think but but I mean what kind of what do you like to do what do you what do you do in your spare time what would you like to share your interests with um I've never been to the Opera so you want to go to the Opera that may be a gay dude you're looking for I do have a lot of gay friends of course all if you've got a lot of gay friends and you haven't been going to the Opera then I I think there's they're not gay enough they're not classy enough that's shoot okay well that what about a skeleton looking for a skeleton friend no I I I yes I I was hoping that you would can I can I go over there no you can't go over there I can't get no you can talk to him hi Jeff hi how you doing you like older dudes like dead guys yes as a matter of fact I like them I like them a a bit bony like you [Music] what is that noise that you're making why don't you come over here and find out I think he's leaving us alone you guys carry on I'm just die will you will you come to New York and hang out with me a little bit you got to start talking to him he's going to fire me right now you got [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you're always very good just know that why don't you guys go and take a break do you have performance anxiety because I can do it in front of them wait wait I'm not I'm not worried about an audience I'm worried about Witnesses that's what right right right but it's all right everything's fine how is it that every time I'm on I've been on the show before yeah twice last time once five times I look forward to your visits me too but um it's always we always end up talking about balls that's now today I didn't even bring them up you brought them up you're talking about staple and scrotums to the floor that I did Russ anyway did I distract you when you were on the talk then distract me every time I see you sometimes you distract me even when you're not in the room really no come on okay a little bit all right all right wait out of time damn it I know stop doing this to me just when I'm just about to get there you cut me off that's that's how I keep you interested everybody very much fun because we played all the girls parts and all the boys Parts I I very often played a man faceb theater I'll you I'll let you go as long as you want really I didn't say played with all the boys I said Play No did you went to an old girls school really how was that we wear uniforms did you wear a uniforms you still have your uniform I sure do B somewhere no I'm having a crisis right now I'll tell you why it's because when you came out and your your microphone didn't work it kind of kind of threw me a bit oh it did well not not the microphone kind of freaked me out I thought I'm being too creepy tonight I am too yeah I think so I don't think so I think you're I think you're the same creepy you always are but it's a it's a good thing creepy is good you're I mean when you have an accent it's like oh so cute so if you if you're like if you say put a lotion in the basket that's creepy right but if you say put the lotion in the basket that's all right can you say it now Put the lotion in the basket yeah and that's not creeping does not that what he does that what's frustrating is like when you date sometimes we guys think that just because you're the girl and like just because I go on a date with you or or kiss you or have sex with you that all of a sudden I want to be with you forever because I just fainted inside but guys think that because they think oh you're the girl and I'm the guy and and I just the thing is that sometimes you're the girl and I'm the guy that's just how it is sometimes like I don't really want it sometimes I just need you to sometimes you just want them to be quiet be like sh stop talking so much be pretty I love you I believe that build our future [Music] yes I love that you you in gospel on me have you ever been to Carnival no you should go I I feel like I need to do a little more working out I think to be able to part where I dress you I would be far overdressed those women wear like strings and a feather and that's their whole outfit you'd look great yeah I've done it before back in the day you have we're out of time what do you want to do all Clos mouth organ or big cash prize uh well he already did the mouth organ he W I can't top that let's do the cash prize what time is it sh Davis time for the big priz you can win $50 in Corners in a bag with a dollar sign on it hey don't touch T the money and I just need to weigh it out make sure it was even okay how's it feel we're good okay two ways to win you can either answer the question or guess what's in my box here's how that works I imagine a box in my head I don't know what's in it only Jeff knows what's in it you tell me what's in it if you're right Jeff will say yes or no if you're wrong something awful will happen is your box clean has it been you want you want to go for the box it scares me I know sometimes exciting things will scare you let's go for the Box okay go for the Box Jeff I'm imagining I'm imagining a box Jeff okay okay what's in the box Jeff no wait no you ask what's in the what what what you guess on my side no you it might be on your side but that's not the point that's not how the game works that's my show I'm imagining a box I'm imagining a box as well what's in the box a hamster a hamster Richard Gear thing that's a Geral is totally different okay not that I would know that that's just a rumor anyway Jeff what is in the Box I am so going to spank you it's a hster [Applause] how have you been what have you been up to my God what the hell is that look at that God what jeez I get something on your neck there I can have a snake too what the hell is that it's a necklace it's fantastic thank you wow can can would you mind if I tried that on oh really yeah sure thanks oh thanks very much oh my god oh oh my God yeah I have one word for you what Liberace I you know what I think mayor of San Francisco did you watch the Oscars of course wow what about that leg sticking out of that dress I thought you did it better oh thanks I I think my legs get a little more meat is that true or are you just hanging to the right oh no no no no no I meant the actual I sorry sorry filthy Booker again immediately me I'm dirty Dr Oz was just out here talking about all kinds of things he's a doctor he's a doctor he can say anything he wants he can say anything he wants cuz it's magical well I found out obviously why I'm not getting any dates because I've been doing it wrong all this time I always thought that it was three fingers of whiskey or something along those lines you're not getting any dates I think you told a not true thing there it's very true you're kidding me no it's very true so you know I got the morning show gig I was super excited I'm moving to the big city I'm going to New York right and uh they sort of forgot to tell me that it's a Morning Show schedule I'm up at 4:00 and I'm in bed by 8:00 p.m. am see that's perfect for me I got kids but it's terrible for dating yeah probably it's awful I end up going to restaurants at like 11:30 I have the early bird special yeah I love all that though so I'm hanging out with people like you yeah what's wrong with that cuz that's what everyone talks about everyone wants to know was it really exciting to kiss you Jackman and what I want to know was how exciting it was to have Craig Ferguson go with drag t [Music] [Applause] go on give it your best shot she meant with it let me see what you got okay um okay but you know what look there's only a couple minutes anding it and just blow it I never heard a woman say oh you're not doing it fast enough [Music] Jeff join me why don't [Music] you very nice very nice very nice that's good so what else you been up to then you had a baby and that's it that's you had a baby made a movie yeah yeah I'm actually I'm playing an elf in The Hobbit Too working with Pete Jackson in New Zealand right now you really nothing wait wait wait wait hold on you haven't seen the movie you haven't seen it yet yeah actually that that's been a big part of um my body shifting and changing is that I've been doing stunt training and so soon after is this wise it might be oh it's not wise at all well you probably want to sit down for a bit I have tendonitis in my hips I think I don't know what that means well they don't work the way they used to work that's for sure oh well they well they do for me and and I think that you're a young women it'll all come and snap right back yeah yeah not as young as I used to be well none of us are said Jeff he's actually younger than he used to be that's it just open his mouth anyway we're out of time so uh completely out of time or just commercial break and then we come back to each other I'm not asking for relationship advice I just kind of want to know the timing of everything no no no that's that's that's pretty much it oh yeah it's never enough with you that's right get going go on give it a blow hey no so do you it didn't didn't that way iess it's always nice to see you I've missed you I know but you you look great in them thank you you just look F and you smell great and um I'm sorry if I'm a little creepier than usual I have a mustache oh no I um I gave birth to her she's your mom you're in trouble now but not as much as you are Jeff Peterson you have harmonicas yeah do you blow the mouth organ I I do you blow the mouth Morgan how do you think I got this job oh man this relationship is possible I don't know man I think it's working out just fine right are you a nauy sexual person do you think uh I'm 45 yeah so um I've gotten a lot of that out of my system aside from this morning were you practicing some self massage [Applause] I don't know why I would reach for the snake at that point but there you go and I have one that says ninja fight too do you really yeah do you have one that says genital rash I didn't get that one no I I know might know someone who would want one Greg well I you know I've been wearing very tight pants look if you're easily offended now would be the time to watch Jimmy Fallon he's a great kid it's a good show where are you looking I can see my own peeee where are you looking I'm looking into their souls Kristen

Channel: Bite-Sized Betterment

Views: 50,657

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Id: Iq5Kft2EpCo

Length: 20min 23sec (1223 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 23 2024