10 Most Offensive Jokes

they say there's safety in numbers yeah tell that to six million Jews I did the big gun charity gig last year for autism and like most people I only experience of autism until recently was Dustin Hoffman's brilliant portrayal in Rain Man but I've just got this new house in London and the neighbors were coming around oh no hi poking their noses in basically but I thought you know I'd be nice to him for now when I get a big gate they can [ __ ] off and one couple they've got an autistic son and the mother was talking to me so this is Douglas he's 17 and he never goes out because he hasn't got any friends so I thought okay this is well concerned that you know I'm a rich handsome man off the telly but I've also got a heart of gold and I said I'll take him out I don't really went yeah so I went back on the Saturday too and she said oh he loved the zoo and the zoo was only about a mile from my new house in Hampstead of it and so I'm walking along the street with Douglas okay and he doesn't take his eyes off his mum all the way along although on a street like that and his mum's in the doorway she's waving German she's crying right eventually she shut the door and she goes indoors I hailed a cab and said right take us to the casino so [Applause] you got to make it work for your video so I signed him in you had a little suit on and everything I thought this is gonna be brilliant okay I went straight to the blackjack table that's their best one I don't know why there's there they're brilliant they're that I went okay dougie you know the score that tooth are good and one for bad do you understand he went yeah so I was I was betting I was about a thousand pounds down in half an hour Alan sake out on Douglas do that thing count the cards do that thing Tamlyn there's a good card coming Tony bit too for good work join us and he went yeah yeah another thousand pounds down I thought what sort of an autistic so oh I was confused I threw some toothpicks on the carpet how many went I don't know what did the safe and I can see the seven from here oh wow why did I get that one so I took him back home and I said to the mother there's been a mistake he walks like Ryan man but he's got none of that clever [ __ ] queen foot I live at home with my mom still thank you for their judgmental silence no I like to get out away from the top no cuz I've come to realize that and in some people you have a bit of an issue with the fact that I still live at home with my mom I did a gig not too long ago where I go I'm a booed offstage for saying I live at home right I walked our when hey guys how you doing my name is Nathan cotton I'll tell a bit about myself I still live at home with my family and as soon as I said it the whole audience with us all right no no I'm Anne Shiell oh gosh so last time I do a charity gig floor finish [Music] Genesis my family kept me piss off who they gonna cry - no this one girl was pregnant I knew she was gonna keep it phrenic [ __ ] I don't know what I was gonna do but then a miracle happened she had a miscarriage in the toilets dude I know you think that's [ __ ] up but why do you hit is I had egg like I was sad about the [ __ ] [Applause] how's that the stool [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] but above all no loser the phony Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS what happen is you will be Goldberg's of this world when the accusations first came out they were all like oh I don't know if I believe all these women he's trying to ruin his legacy or some [ __ ] like that because all these rapes happen in the 70s in the 80s and they said what took these women so long to come forward it's a good question I think it's because as rapes go they weren't the worst rapes now were they he never held them down and [ __ ] rape do he he used to drag him and finger of a bit and I've had worse Christmases with uncles you ever heard about the people living underneath the subway yeah mole people yeah in love in New York there's people in the in the whole community yeah well there's well there's different subway tunnels yeah that the trains don't go down anymore so a lot of people who are homeless have set up these cardboard cities down where they deserve and it's black hey it's not what no there's no there's no physical ramifications for being an [ __ ] when you're a woman do you know unless you have an how much of a dick I would be if it was socially unacceptable to kick the [ __ ] out of me Kyle anymore I'll tell that story that you telling me about your dad when he was just that you were talking about I mentioned Forrest Gump yeah and the Forrest Gump types when my dad was a when he was a taxi driver yeah you used to have to do your bit for the local area I take in the vehicle to Blackpool yeah is that what they're called no the people work with these people yeah yeah yeah the people with learning disabilities all of it so it got five of them in the in the cab and he had to go to Blackpool and four of them were really good you know behaving themselves didn't mess about weren't fighting and stuff but it was one it was just causing loads of trouble he can't control him and what you've got to be out to do with people like that you don't want them to get stressed out because it's not good for them it stresses them out and you could end up with a bags dr. Karl couldn't live with a bit of a riot on your arms so I thought I'll nip this one in the bud right now and he pulled up just on the outskirts of Blackpool and it took the one out that was called problems and put in a wheelie bin sorry I apologize it what oh it didn't for the good of the others it's not really been it was having a good time it thought it was one of the rides saying it him yeah he you know he was having a good time and and he once he calmed down we died went back and he left him in there the whole time the others were in black no he left him there not not the whole day probably bout an hour and a half why couldn't he get out because like his arms were trapped on the things one beside you man now do you know like when because it was a big fella and I managed to get him in so his arms were down a side like that suit was that it was a bit trapped was on he screaming and crying and stuff it'll be making a bit of nut nose but I mean what you feel so right oh but anyway that's I didn't really want to talk about Egypt righto cuz a forest gone did you do is you know family know about this this is the first time later food about you didn't get us to do it again

Channel: The Liberal Conservative

Views: 4,291,754

Rating: 4.9019704 out of 5

Keywords: karl pilkington, ricky gervais, bill burr, corey halcomb, the fighter and the kid, tfatk, bryan callen, chris d'elia, will sasso, nathan caton, jimmy carr, jim jefferies, jim jefferies freedumb, ricky gervais radio show, ricky gervais podcast, the ricky gervais show, stephen merchant, most offensive jokes, offensive jokes, 10 most offensive jokes, live at the apollo, top 10, top 20, ricky gervais offensive jokes, ricky gervais autism, bryan callen chris d'elia will sasso

Id: YfLD8ETxYOw

Length: 8min 46sec (526 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 14 2019