(調1.25倍) Bill Burr - Religion 比爾伯爾 - 宗教信仰 (中英字幕) (中文字幕翻譯)

whatever whatever you're into you're into but I don't know I'm not into that religious stuff where this is why I actually walked away from my religion just I had to be honest with myself one I didn't like to go on I didn't like going to church every week you know I just didn't part of it was I'm lazy I don't like getting up on Sunday and the other part was I already heard all the stories okay heard it three four times the dude hasn't come back yet you know we just thought of mulching over the same [ __ ] here I got it right and the other aspect was you know I actually had to be honest with myself I felt my religion made sense and everybody else's sounded stupid I did look I'm not talking about the basis of every religion basis of every religion makes sense you know the Ten Commandments right don't kill anybody they'll touch my wife that's my biking right that all makes sense of which I broke them I think I've broken about every commandment except for the fifth one that's it I haven't killed anybody yet all right but the murderous thoughts that I have sometimes I I think I could do it like when someone gets on a plane and they kick off their loafers and they're wearing those gold toll-like dress socks they cross their feet at the ankles and they just start rubbing their feet together like I see the whole thing see the whole thing wrapping that right see the whole thing so we'll sake still early on right but just the stories of how we got here and where we're going and what happens after we die everybody else this religion sounded stupid you know like I live out in Los Angeles there's a bunch of Scientologists out there and then first time I heard the story of Scientology I was like that is the dumbest [ __ ] I have ever heard in my life like your guys name is Ron Ron and he wasn't alive thousands of years ago so you can hide a lot of it in the mystery this guy was alive like 45 50 years ago he had a driver's license social security number there's like footage of him summon his home I know what happened he was working at Denny's he got sick of it they go start a religion everybody there's a spaceship coming back everybody's kidding sneakers just song crews we're gonna try to make you clear right I love that paraphrase a perfect we fared a scientologist I am paraphrasing that's essentially what they believe it and I said that is the dumbest [ __ ] I ever heard while simultaneously still kind of believing that a woman who never got [ __ ] and a baby that walk on water died he came back three days later that made total sense to me so it just hit me one day I was just like well why did why does that make sense and that [ __ ] doesn't you know they got a spaceship and there's you know we fight we had the Space Shuttle you know this sneakers there's a lot of [ __ ] I could relate to win this why does that sound so dumb to me and I know you know what it is you know I think it's cuz I heard their story when I was an adult I heard my story when I was like four years old right when I heard my story that was still some fat [ __ ] coming down the chimney give me Christmas toys if I lost a tooth that was a fairy it was a heaster funny why wouldn't there be some bearded baby moonwalking across the lake throwing out bottomless buckets of shrimp or whatever whatever he's sick what's that made sense what happened was as I got older all of that stuff started to fall right like ass on this there's no fat [ __ ] it your mother and I your mom's the tooth fairy rabbits don't have eggs her tits are fake the nba's six banker sick [ __ ] [ __ ] your dreams will come true and I was just like wow this world is and meanwhile this [ __ ] was just floating this 800-pound gorilla of this [ __ ] story and I just had to make a decision what am I gonna do what am I gonna do with this am I gonna cling to it be that person you know that's very offensive to me and other Christians in there of damping from that douche all right I mean we like the casual Christian right with like you know some one foot on base just yeah I kind of go couple times a year and like my parents come to town I act like I go all the time in half well my last option was basically just just let go of the [ __ ] you know just let go just let go of it like like that creepy moment and curling you know you know that moment where the shooter or whatever whatever you call him it's just sliding with that rock right just let me do this right [Applause] and you think he's along for the ride - to them they're a team and all of a sudden out of nowhere he just goes bucking that rock just keeps going this dude just socks that's what I deal with my religion I just I just let go of it I didn't read a riot act to anybody I just I just I just let go over and on the third day rose again I just I just floated away so now it's like I'm in this weird place where I'm not in any religion right now unrestricted free agent you know I'd like to believe in something so I've been going around asking people what this [ __ ] is and I haven't been able to find anything trying to be open-minded I was doing a gig in Helsinki and over there they're like Lutheran and what they believe they believe when you die you're dead and that's it dance like like a pigeon just playing it over boom I mind a migraine you just dead like this you don't like my religion was you know you you die and then you go up to get judged right God pops in the DVD live robot this right here - clarity shell [Applause] this might be the most arrogant thing I say all night but I actually resent the fact that I'm gonna get judged someday like if that's true that somebody's gonna judge me that doesn't even make any sense it's like dude you made me so this is your [ __ ] alright let's ride round on me you know Jesus Christ you give me freedom a choice you make horse you have me suck at math and you don't think this thing's gonna go off the rails but you set me up to fail and now you've got the balls then I'll question your own goddamn work dude if I made a car but built a guard it didn't run I wouldn't like burn it forever you ain't no piece of [ __ ] I wouldn't I would troubleshoot this there gas in the engine it's a battery charge anything beyond this I got to get a real man to look at it I believe in trying help yep

Channel: Eagle Chiu

Views: 3,070,667

Keywords: 比爾伯爾, Billburr

Id: UrVCvnJk4go

Length: 9min 48sec (588 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 29 2018