(調1.25倍) Bill Burr - Adoption 比爾伯爾 - 領養 (中文字幕翻譯)

[Applause] so yeah a lot my life has changed since I last came through here to Atlanta yeah I got um I got married that's the big thing yes I did very happy about that I'm very happy because it was starting to get weird you know it's like 45 years old a little but girlfriend yeah we're gonna go out and get some pop you know going to parties it was just weird cuz I hang out with people my age you know and they all got married they all had kids and I just couldn't contribute when people were standing around talking about married marriages and kids you know I felt like a little kid they sitting there going like all the superintendent of the mayoral candidate will be bicoastal bipartisan with the Middle Eastern crisis this advance flirting program the deadlines may 11 you have to stop the bullying with the superintendent they are a little conversation would come around to me I felt like I was like 8 years old I just belated did anybody see YouTube video where the raccoon sold the cats food the cat was scratched him and the raccoon didn't care he just gave it like this like George Foreman hey we shoud hit him Oh son he had him inside of the lid and he soaked it up and he ran away on pause you guys know they enhance yeah so now I'm married to the next move is you're supposed to have a kid which I would love to do but I'm 46 years old I'm just thinking it's too [ __ ] late you know come on man I'm gonna have a kid I'm gonna die natural causes when the kids in fifth grade I throwing him a frisbee we used to use these and Saturdays ahead to a faceplant my kids stand them off dad sleeping again [Applause] yeah I feel hopelessly behind all my friends have kids most of my friends who have kids are cool but I got a couple of those who think now that they have a kid like they that I don't understand anything anymore you know those people most basic [ __ ] a man it's kind of cold out today oh dude you don't understand you don't understand cold so you got a two-year-old with a mitten up is dead and you're trying to get chocolate up alright alright I get it I get it you have a more complex life but I still understand being cold he's chattering kinda lets me know right - turn six mine just turned seven I just feel hopelessly behind you you know so what I'm actually thinking of doing I'm thinking about adopting you know absolutely recycle you know yeah think globally act locally everything doesn't have to be brand-new you know like when you redo your kitchen you got custom up top you got a Kia down the bottom right I love to adopt it's a great thing to do but if I do it I'm not telling any of my friends I'm just gonna show up with the kid one day just to piss them off right - change sticks - turned seven I'd love to just show up with an eight-year-old like dominoes now I get to tell you what you don't understand seven-year-old where do they turn eight hey is such a funny age terrible to try the insta date bad is there like their issues dude I should do it though I should adopt I think it's a great thing to do and I already know what I want to get I want to get like an O seven Oh H always Suraj good dentition you know what I would love to do I love to rescue some kid that works in a sweatshop that'd be amazing like find the kid that made this shirt show up at the factory maniac are you doing go back to the steak l-shaped couch flat-screen TV get in the car Pressey keep sewing for you yeah dude how easy how easy would that kit be to race right after the hell he's been through all I gotta do is let him sit down I am immediately the greatest human being this kid has ever met he's bringing I'll ever have a safety bill forget - are you - sit down yeah lay down on the couch you'd be like it's like a cloud it's like a cloud now get him a bowl of Fritos put on cricket or soccer one of those sweatshop sports out you would love me so that's my first draft pick all right coming out of the gate with that in the second round I probably get like I probably got a no five boys soldier you know Dasher up the offensive line you got to protect the Blind Side yeah that's how [ __ ] up the world is there's little boys out there fighting and Wars so that's that's a twofer I can drag him out of that he'll give him something of what's left of his childhood and God forbid if the dollar ever collapses right [ __ ] goes south zombies take over I got backup everybody thinks I'm gonna be the problem meanwhile I got this sawed up Chuck Norris standing next to me hundred seventy kills confirmed [ __ ] kills stories to make a plain drawer up like a vacuum cleaner and a toaster you can't coach that right I gotta be honest with you I feel like I'd have to go easier on the discipline with the boys soldier you know I might be nuts but I feel like I could come down on the sweatshop kit all right get in there and clean up you goddamn room I'm getting sick of this [ __ ] go see you too if you want but you don't even start that [ __ ] don't even start that [ __ ] you say that every time yes you do [Music] every [ __ ] time you say that you know the answer yeah you want me to say it again fine I'll I'll break it down to you okay you know what you know idea you know why you wanna know why cuz you're so all right yeah get to you so dude he's [ __ ] killed people no he's nothing he doesn't have to make his bed - no he doesn't because he doesn't sleep in the bed we stop the bushes all my talking oh [ __ ] break between the [ __ ] out alright [ __ ] you he scares me too he scares me too don't even start that [ __ ] you wanted a big brother I got you one for him start that [ __ ] alright all right you're right you're right okay stop crying stop crying okay Soni yells at you okay I I just thought I could [ __ ] you know bring him in you know give a couple of pop-tarts piggy chill up [ __ ] sitting there looking through his eyebrows doing that Full Metal Jacket [ __ ] you know now you give them back it doesn't work that way Noah Harriet what's going on we were just talking about see you know just doing like a little surprise thing you feeling all right feeling all right you know looking through those eyebrows okay

Channel: Eagle Chiu

Views: 1,199,264

Keywords: 比爾伯爾, BillBurr

Id: Yu34Nb4mEHg

Length: 10min 29sec (629 seconds)

Published: Wed May 16 2018