Your Friends, Fraud Friends | Philip Anthony Mitchell

hi and welcome to the victory charge podcast if this ministry has been a blessing to you please consider supporting the spread of the gospel by visiting us online it's just in the giving option that works best for you if you have a testimony we'd love to hear it send us an email to share at victory Church of HCl Dhaka once again we thank you for tuning in and we really hope you enjoyed this message if you're watching this message online I want to welcome all of you to the final week of a series we're calling friends I think it is a very important series last week I shared with our church that this series was not on my calendar but it was an impromptu series that was born out of a heated disagreement that happened among some team members some friends were in that room some relationships was momentarily strained and restored I think that they are stronger now than there was before I find that ironic that just maybe a week after that incident in our office some of the people who were [Music] some of the people who were hurling insults at each other in that room were leaning on the individuals that were hurling insults at just a week later and it just reminded me of the beauty of friendship how important they are and so I wanna I want to go ahead and finish this series last week I shared with you a message called my friends real friends today I want to talk to you about something a little bit more serious I want to close out this series with a message call your friends fraud friends [Music] because my brothers and sisters I'm gonna tell you something right now there are some things that you can get a do-over with there is one thing you will not get a second chance at and that is life you get one shot at life and this subject matter although I can't unpack it the way I wanted it to in these two weeks it's probably one of the most critical things that we would ever talk about concerning your life if friends real friends fraud friends the impact they have on our lives it's a very serious thing you get one shot at life and I've learned a distance there's some things I call I don't know if I want to call them destiny altering decisions but decisions we make that can't affect your quote-unquote destiny I don't use that word a lot but the future the person you marry the places you live voices you listen to and definitely our relationship decision we make that can affect you in Tyre life the friends that you keep so I'm gonna finish this message series with around the store your friends fraud friends yeah I did lift these titles from jay-z and Beyonce song friends shoutout to death they helped me with my titles for this series and I don't really promote a lot of music from the stage but that one song is pretty dope and if you just print out the lyrics and kind of read the lyrics of the song you see how powerful that one song is that they wrote together I noticed when they knew our album called card it's a very powerful song and I just said last week man if Jay and Bey can get this right you know I don't know what their faith is but but certainly the people of God man we we got to get this right because it's very very important shout out to our band all of our volunteers our true heroes they are the real unsung heroes our church all of our volunteers and our servant leaders without them Brandon who was our Director of Operations and all the people who served so faithfully on Sunday thank you to all of our volunteers without you we can't gather we can't put this together you make it possible for us to share this glorious gospel thank you so much gentlemen they've been amen you know I was uh as I've been thinking about this particular message in this particular series I was sharing with a team member who's up front here I was sharing with a team member about a very dark time in my life in the fall of 2015 and which I was going through sort of panic attacks anxiety attacks I was dealing with suicidal thoughts and yes you can be a believer and deal with suicidal thoughts because we do have an enemy in an adversary who likes to attack us and I noticed how the devil likes to attack threats especially if you're on the front of the of the front line of the battle if you're really serious about the gospel you're serious about I mean a devil just attack anybody the Bible says he walks around like a roaring lion seeking those who can't desire and destroy and I was I was shamed with this team member about a very dark period in my life during the fall of 2015 when I was just wrestling with just suicidal thoughts a lot of heaviness a lot of darkness I was feeling very depressed very lonely very suicidal I was contemplating calling up Elder Milton and telling him he was gonna have to pass at a church and talk and get myself together this was in the in the fall in the winter of 2015 and I was thinking as I was putting together this series even as I was driving here this morning that during that time I didn't even know how to pray right sometimes you could be going through something so darkest so I have you don't know what to pray you don't even know how to call out to the Lord sometimes you can feel so embarrassed by what you go through that you are even ashamed to talk to God about what you're going through anybody know what that feels like like you can be so embarrassed about what you're going through I mean it could be pornography masturbation it can be not being a good husband or father you could be so embarrassed alright nobody knows what this feels like right you can be so embarrassed by something you're going through and and feel so ashamed that instead of running to the Father you run away from the Father like Adam did that's why I'm gonna be teaching you a eight-week series on prayer starting in August that's going to be life-changing or you starting an eight-week series in prayer August caught access is gonna be very very powerful and you don't want to miss any Sunday when that serie starts in August but there are those of us I know what it is to be going through something so dark that you are embarrassed or ashamed to even bring it before the Father and so you just suffer with whatever that is in the darkness because you don't even know how to call out to him and I remember during that time it wasn't and listen this is not sacrilegious but it wasn't even God that initially pulled me out of that darkness it was it was it was the voice and the counsel of one friend one who reached out to me in the middle of that dark period and spoke to me from God's Word and I went now and I meditated in one particular passage in God's Word and and I remember it was it was that one Council of that one friend and that one text from God's passage that pulled me out of that dark place and I think man what would have happened to me if I didn't have the voice of that one true friend of my life what came out of that I was sharing with this team member was a series called beyond zig lag talking about when David was in a dark place and I preached a series called beyond zig lag in early 2016 it was three messages in that series called be encouraged see Beyond and aggressively pursue and and not only did I come out of that dark place but a series was born from that dark place because sometimes our scars are platforms for ministry and so it wasn't even the Holy Spirit initially that lifted me from that place and I know that sounds sacrilegious to some of you but it was the voice of a trusted friend God delivered me or help me climb out of that dark hole we were not designed by God I said last week to be in isolation God wired us for companionship and friendship no person in this room no person watching this message online whether YouTube or podcast none of us are going to finish the race alone I know there's some of us we've been so hurt or we're so skeptic and cynical of Pia bull and so we keep everybody at bay we keep everybody at distance you know we don't let people get close to us for whatever reason and so we think that we're gonna be able to finish this race alone but the truth of the matter is if you read the Word of God if just experience would teach you that no person is gonna finish the call of God alone no person is gonna finish the race alone god wired you and I for friendships he wired us for companionship he wired us for relationship God has not called us to isolation but he has called us to friendships and friendship is one of the most important aspects of human life true friends are a gift from God they should never be taken for granted and our friendships are a great source of strength and blessing our friendships have a huge impact on the trajectory of our lives but when done wrong when done wrong and our friendships can be a source of great heartache and pain anybody knows what I'm talking about I mean when when it's done the wrong way a friendship can be extremely damaging to your life a friendship could bring great hardship and pain this is why Solomon who's held at the wisest man that ever lived he wrote this in the scriptures in proverbs 12:26 a righteous man is cautious about friendship but the way of the wicked leads them astray Solomon says if a person is righteous if a person is wise they will be cautious about friendship another translation says they will choose their friends carefully because many people will come into our lives but we must choose those we keep as close friends many people will cross your path in your lifetime but we must choose those we keep as close friends many people will come into our lives in different seasons but we must choose those we keep as close friends why because the wrong friend can become a liability and one season a friend who was formerly an asset can become a liability in another season and so because a friend can easily become a liability it's very important for us to choose carefully our friends now as I was preparing for this message I was thinking about David who was in history the greatest king of ancient Israel the second king of ancient Israel after King Saul now David was a wise man he was a godly man the Lord said the Bible says he was a man after God's own heart David was a musician he was a warrior he was an architect in the way he built out the kingdom and David was a man if you read the scriptures he gathered around himself men are some of whom became very very close friends in the latter years of David's life after he had gone to war he had established a kingdom David fell into a dark place in his life he committed some sins and some atrocities that began to invite trouble into his life and it was during that time in the latter years of David's life turn off these from me please gentlemen and in the latter years of David's life his kingdom began to unravel and he began to lose his political influence the devil is a lot thank you he begins to lose his political influence in the latter years of his life and and during that time David was going through a dark season he was dealing with a lot of sadness a lot of grief a lot of depression wondering who around him was it really in his corner you know there was nothing like hot water to really show you who's in your corner um hot water and difficult circumstances have a way of really unveiling who is in your corner and who is not in your corner some of us we mourn over difficult seasons but I've learned through difficult seasons I've come out of them to see who was still standing with me when I came out of that difficult season when the smoke cleared who was standing with you when the smoke cleared if there's one good thing that comes out of difficult seasons it has an opportunity to show you who's really in your corner and who's not in your corner who are your real friends and who are your fraud friends who pray for you and who abandons you and David was going through a very difficult time in his life and he had a very close friend who was a counselor the scripture says you could read all about this in 2nd Samuel I'm not gonna read it right now and a very close friend named I hit the fail was a very close friend and he was a counselor someone that David poured his life into poured his heart into shared intimate things with a very close friend and then at that time David was dealing with some hurt from that close friend he was dealing with some hurt from his own son named Absalom who was pursuing him and persecuting him and this friend who was an asset in one season he became a liability in another season and in David's life he wrote a psalm about the pain he experienced as a result of that friend who was an asset who became a liability and I want to read to you what David wrote about that friend and I want you to listen carefully to what David wrote about that friend I want you to kind of lean into his pain lean into what he was dealing with and I want you to hear the heart of a man who trusted someone who had a close friend for many many years maybe even decades only to deal with the pain of that friend becoming a liability and my friends listen if you've never felt what this field you just keep on living I pray this never happens to you I know what this feels like to have someone who was an asset in one season and a liability in another season and it's very painful thing to deal with and I want to read to you these words that David wrote about this friend and saw him trapped the 5500 Psalm 55 listen to what David wrote about this friend now he's grieving he's hurting he turns his attention to the Lord listen to what he says about this he says he says O Lord I want you to listen to my prayer O God and do not ignore my plea hear me and answer me he says to God listen to what he says about his mind my thoughts trouble me and I am distraught at the voice of the enemy because now he's being harassed by people around him he's being harassed in his mind this is pain at the stairs of the wicked for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger this is what he says my heart is in anguish within me so he's broken the terrors of death they assail me fear and trembling have beset me horror has overwhelmed me I said oh that I had the wings of a dove this is powerful sometimes you can go through something so heavy watch you just want to fly away no no nobody knows what that feels like right right only David it only me anybody knows what it feel like to be in a place in a circumstance in a situation know when you can't leave but you wish you could just board a plane and fly away anybody know what that feels like I know what it feels like to be going through something so painful you wish you could just wake up tomorrow somewhere else I just want to wake up in a different City I want to wake up in a different job I want to wake up on the beach I want to wake up any place than where I am right now I want to wake up in a different relationship I want to wake up in a different marriage I want to wake up in a different place anybody know what that feels like that you could be going through something so painful you just want to wake up next to another person or wake up in a different place he said all that I have wings what that I would just fly away that is I'm going through something so painful I just want to wake up tomorrow in a different place anybody know what that feels like he said I would fly away and rest I would flee far and stay in the desert Selah I would hurry to my place of shelter far from The Tempest and storm confuse the wicked Oh Lord confound their speech Oh Lord for I see violence and strife in the city and now he's praying God please Lord don't let them get glory over me right now confuse them confound them don't let them continue to trash me like this Lord because sometimes you cannot vindicate yourself because righteous people will learn sometimes vindication does not belong to you that sometimes you have to learn to fight your battle right you fight your battle on your knees everything does not require a Facebook post that's immaturity everything does not require a post everybody doesn't need to know you're going through sometimes you show strength by not let anyone know what you're going through but you'll fight your battle on your knees you don't always have to be depressed on social media and you don't always have to fight back every time somebody does wrong sometimes you listen they do me wrong I go to God they do me wrong I go to God they do me wrong I go to God they do me wrong I go to God because sometimes you are strongest when you are on your knees and when life knocks you down you're in perfect position to cry out to the only one who can really help you it's immature to fight every battle in public and it's immature to keep spewing things all over social media you are married you upstairs in one room she downstairs deliver him everybody watching you fighting on social media put the phone down go downstairs and have a conversation get off social media call the person and have a conversation or if you can't do that get on your knees and cry to the one who can trouble the heart of the person that offended you Oh God can trouble somebody's heart God knows how to make somebody come back and say I'm sorry it may take six months it may take a year it may take five years but God knows how to trouble the heart of your adversaries whose hand you think is heavier yours or his whose vengeance you think would bring more conviction yours or his you want to get somebody don't get I'm sending God on them SiC the Hound of heaven on them with your breath send the Holy Spirit to go get them [Applause] so David says verse 10 watch day and night they prowl about on the walls of the city malice and abuse are within destructive forces are at work in the city threats and lies they never leave the streets now watch these next verses carefully 12 through 15 look what he says powerful look what David said he said this is the pain of a friend he says if an enemy were insulted me I can endure it because I already know you don't like me so you can't hurt me that much and you talking trash to me because you don't like me and I don't like you who can hurt you them let me get so he said if it was if it was an enemy I could deal with that because they don't like me and I don't like them and for fall was raising up against me I could hide from him but it's not an enemy it's not a fault he says but it is you talking about a hit fulfill talk about Absalom he says it is you watch a man like myself my companion my close friend with whom I once enjoyed that's the end of that relationship with whom I once enjoyed look at this sweet fellowship as we walk the throne at God's house or the house of God a close friend who hurt him who obviously David he ended that friendship he said and now he's remembering man we used to go to church together we used to be in felt man we used to hang out in the crib together used to watch my baby I used to watch yours used to cook I come to your house and you cook and I come to your house you know this person died in Tata there and that person died and I'm there right so we used to do all of that together right we used to do all that together and now and now now that friendship is gone and David now is dealing with the pain of the loss he's dealing with the pain of that friendship and we see the deep grief of David we see his pain as we go through this close friend we see how a close friend was an asset in one season and became a liability in another season he's being persecuted by Absalom and I hit the fail he's hurting he's grieving and last week I shared with you seven powerful words that are the essence of a true friend and when consider what happened to David and when I considered his suffering and when I consider what these two men were doing to him I thought about seven serious things that can easily destroy a friendship last week seven powerful words that are the makings of a true friend this week I want to share with you seven things that can easily destroy a friendship now this is not an exhaustive list you can build out 55 things if you want I took what I believe was the top seven things that are the most common the most prevalent if you go read this account they're all mixed into this account that so I'm pulling them right out of this account that happened with David right out of the text if you go reading in second Samuel right out of the historical account these seven things will quickly destroy a friendship they will put strain on a friendship they would ruin a friendship listen these seven things right here would turn a friend who is an asset in one season into a liability in another season and the first one is a reckless mouth our reckless mouth Tupac had a song with somebody who featured said loose lips sink ships and there are few things more damaging to a friendship than loose lips I hit the field was David's counselor he was somewhat David shared his most intimate things with he was a man who would then duels he would then share some of David's intimates I'm telling you listen when you're dumping ground becomes a leaking ground that is a detriment to a relationship I think I need to say that again when you're dumping ground becomes a leaking ground man that is a detriment to a relationship there are few things that would destroy a relationship quicker than a loose lips a reckless mouth is a dangerous thing inside of a relationship and when you have friendships with people who have reckless mouths that person can easily become a liability in another season you keep sharing with them your intimate secrets and you keep dumping on that person who got holes in their soul I'm telling you they can become a huge problem for you in another season a reckless month that's why the scripture tells us listen don't even have friendships with people who have reckless mouth the scripture tells us that in fact Solomon wrote in Proverbs in Proverbs 1628 he says a perverse man stirs up strife that is a person whose mouth always want to start trouble and then look at the rest of the verse he says and a gossip a definitive article a person who this defines their nature a definitive article a person who this defines their nature a gossip not gossip a gossip this is not what I do this is who I am he says and a gossip watch separates close friends so it's really on and one of them always talking and in a year from now none of y'all are friends because of the one person y'all put in the middle who can't control their tongue how many friendships have we lost because of a reckless mouth something we said we regret something we should not have said or someone we was close to who outed us with their mouth a reckless mouth is a dangerous thing a dangerous character trait and a person who could become a quick liability in your life that's why you better know who are your dumping grounds everybody should not be privy to what's in your heart that's why you got to choose your dumping ground carefully a second thing we see in this issue with David and this guy I have I hit the film his name all messed up I ain't saying his name for the rest of the sermon I'm just calling that dude for the rest of the sermon not only did this do and have a reckless mouth but a second thing that would destroy French you very quick is being disloyal this is probably one of the most painful painful painful things you will ever experience with someone you trust it becomes disloyal disloyalty is like taking a knife and bushes putting it in a person's back man dis listen loyalty is a foundation of trust and when you trust someone with your heart you trust them with your life you trust them with the intimacy coz you trust them with your family you trust them with everything and then they become disloyal I mean there are few things more painful than I mean it can take years it can take decades it can take a lifetime to recover from a scar of disloyalty I know what it is for people to be disloyal I mean you give them everything only to be scarred by that person another season and some of us we got to carry those scars until we die man this right here is one of the listen this is one of the biggest detriment to real friendships when someone is disloyal to a person disloyalty will damage a friendship quicker than anything I would even step on a limb to say that in nine out of ten cases disloyalty will permanently end a friendship because listen there's some things I could forgive you for and we can reconcile but this is one of the things I can forgive you for but it doesn't mean the friendship would ever be the same again and I said well how come we don't like the way we used to be it because this scar can't allow me to be that close to you again I can forgive you I can talk to you I might even text you but we can't be intimate on the level we was because this right here is dangerous and dangerously painful disloyalty listen I I'm the type of person man I I sniff disloyal to y'all you know and if I even smell someone around me is disloyal I won't even say anything I know I'm just buying time with that person I smell someone around me they're just disloyal I can smell them and I love you and check-in all that but I already know in my heart I'm buying time with you I yet from now you're not gonna be in my inner circle because when people are disloyal they'll either hang themselves or you will have to hang them like Judas Jesus was just by in time with him he already knew he was disloyal and he ended up hanging his own self people want disloyal will end up hanging their own selves and I listen if I even smell disloyalty or people around me I know I'm just buying time with you I know another season come he'll either hang your own self or I had to push you out of my life I'm just buying time Jesus was just buying time with Judas that dude was David's counselor and if you go read the account he abandoned David to become friends with a man named Absalom David's friend Oh David's son who was persecuted him he he was disloyal to David and caused great grief to David in fact David wrote about him in Psalm 55:22 verse watch what he says he says my companion talking about that dude he says my companion attacks his friends so he's disloyal with other people because it's a character trait he says my companion attacks his friends watch this he what violates his one covenant because a real friendship is a covenant when you transgress a covenant it is very very painful disloyalty would destroy a friend friendship the third one is is is very very sneaky when I think about it it reminds me of serpents in the grass and the third one is being disingenuous man you smile in my face in public but man you got ulterior motives behind the scenes in private fraud friends man you run with me and public but you got ulterior motives in private nobody knows what this feels like you smile in my face in this group but then you trash me over here with another group come on somebody be real in this room arteria more when you dissin jet you let me give you some other words for disingenuous umm hypocrite fake phony two-faced fraud sneaky snaky I can't turn around and leave you behind me can't trust you as far as I can throw you say one thing to me in public and your plotting my demise in private that dude was disingenuous towards David listening to him as his counselor and then doing dirt behind his back with Absalom disingenuous would destroy a friendship number four oh this is this is huge and this stinks number four is being self-absorbed that dude was self-absorbed and saw was Absalon when you're self-absorbed you're all about your interests above the interests of others let me teach you something about real friendship it requires a streetcar reciprocity anybody ever drove down that street before I give and you give it's not I given you take real friendship it requires reciprocity I cook you cook I scratch you scratch I laugh you laugh I cry you cry I cuss you cuss hold me down somebody shall hold me down you need that with a real friend it's a given tank and when you in the friendship you seem like man you're doing all the giving and doing all the taking it's always about three people with you may every time I talk to you it's always about three people me myself and I it's all about you and so you get mad easy because it's about you and you get offended easy because it's about you and you attack me in conversations because all about you and when I'm trying to explain to you I can't do this you're mad because it's all about you you're concerned about your interests above my own did you hear anything I just told you know why because it's all about and I'm telling you when people are selfish man you just start driving a wedge between you and somebody else because look and that thing starts smelling so bad I can't even deal with that aroma no more being self-absorbed is extremely serum a detrimental to a relationship when one is driven by their own interest when they're blinded to reciprocity it's very very dangerous almost done number five huge because you can't even exist in a marriage a relationship a friendship with no one without this one and this is when a friend is unforgiving David committed some sins yes he had some failures and that dude and his son were unforgiving towards David they would not let his failures rest unforgiving let me tell you something about friendship I told you last week about character buys us characterizes what the equity of trust listen to me carefully you know what also trust produce and I know some of us don't like this word I'm almost done when you really love someone and when you really trust someone you know what else that produce unspoken equity of vulnerability you can't really love without being vulnerable that means the people you love the most they have the greatest opportunity to hurt you because if you can't hurt me then then I haven't let you be vulnerable with me when you really love someone when you're really intimate with someone not only is there the equity of trust but there's also the unspoken equity of vulnerability and because my heart is vulnerable towards you inevitably because of the nature of intimacy then I set myself up to be hurt that's a risk you take in friendship so risk you take in marriage it's a risk you take when you bring anyone into your space you take the risk of vulnerability you cannot truly love without being vulnerable this is why theologically God had to give Adam and Eve a choice to disobey Him so why would he put that tree in the garden because if there was no opportunity to disobey him he make man robots he would never know if we would watch willingly choose to love him so because he wanted to know if we would really love him he had to give them an opportunity to disobey him for the tree he told him don't touch crazy vulnerability for God to be hurt by their disobedience you can't put a gun to my head and say be my friend be my friend be my friend I have to trust you and turn around and give you the opportunity to hurt me I've become vulnerable when there is real love and intimacy and because real friends listen if you've been a friendship longer than listen have you been in a friendship for a day then you don't know what this feels like but if you've been in a friendship for longer than five minutes you know what it is to hurt your friend and you know what it is to be hurt by a friend he knows to say like I was cussing each other out on Monday and by Wednesday's like girl let's go to the movies no no Melissa said by Tuesday cussing each other out on Monday on your day off and my Tuesday said girl what you doing let's go down to the dollar movies and Fayetteville no nobody knows that feels like to be angry in one moment don't win ninja stars and y'all hanging out a week later so when we have real friendship we got to learn to be forgiving inside stuff inside stuff happen enough here we are when we are real friends we got to learn to be what forgiving and when someone is when someone when you have a friend that keeps a record of all your wrongs and and every other season listen date they always always chaining you to some mistake or some season man listen that is a recipe for disaster in that relationship because listen if you keep reminding me of my mistakes listen you're gonna rob me of my peace and if you keep robbing in my peace I can't be down with you my peace is too valuable for you to keep reminding me of my fear I did that four years ago [Applause] you ain't worth that much to be robbing me of my peace every time I talk to you you keep reminding me of something I did for you how long you gonna hold on to that I thought we got past that as soon as we came to a disagreement here comes the long wreck man you've been keeping my rap sheet for how many years you know my spoil you know my my assists you know my rebound I mean come on now and if we listen if we don't know how to let people go in friendship listen if somebody holds you as a friend that listen that's a recipe for disaster as a friendship almost done two more this all out of this issue is the situation I happen with David and that dude a sixth thing that destroys friendships and this one man you got to be smart to pick up on this this one is when you have a friend who is an opportunist I know what they I know people like this you can smell them when they come around I mean they're really friendly really flattering everything is sweet take you out to eat give you a new treat which you're imma be wrapping right y'all you peep that right like they'd be really close to you but are they already using you to get something or they're using you to get somewhere or they're using you to get close to someone they know someone you know and they just want to get close to that person so you're just the gateway to that person so they just ride you for a season to get to somebody else or they know you got resources so they ride you for a season to get your resources or they know where you're going and they're just ride you to get to where you I mean opportunities you can smell them from a mile away if you're smart you can if you notice that conversations they're always building things for themselves always including you in it they're building things always for themselves they are all about opportunity and as soon as you can't provide the opportunity that they want they find a new friend as soon as you can't get them to where they wanna go they find a new friend I had a friend one time was a opportu man he was riding me because he saw where I was going and then somebody came into our lives where we thought can get him further than he came with me and all of a sudden he stopped calling me and the next time I see him he's trapped up with that dude all the time I felt like a girl like I felt like yo I was feeling some type of way I was jealous I was mad every time I see them day in their day and I don't wanna tell you what happened cuz then I might implicate him they they in places together that we hang out they restaurants together now they walking around displaced rusev and I see them together they hold their hands and praying together and I'm like over there like feeling some type of way like word holding hands oh hey I mean Dave Dave hold it hold hands praying they hold her head they hold a head they praying I mean I'm out seeing I'm like man we used to hold hands and pray and we also go to eat and we used to spend time together I mean this I mean he got rid of me in one day I was hurt I was hurt I really want to tell you when this happened it'll implicate that person I was hurt before I was a pastor I was hurt like man this do we used to ride a guy every day and then another dude came into our relationship and he started thinking man that do can get me further and I was done I mean not even not he'd even gradually phased me out I mean he just cut me straight off it's really like the girl calling people trying to get myself together I mean like help me and one time we talk I'm like like man like music we still go to church together like I remember we went to Outback together and now you witness yo that dude that dude a headful fell was an opportunist it was Davis close friend and as soon as he saw that Absalom Davis son was gaining was gaining popularity in the kingdom he he he betrayed David he hopped off of David ship he jumped on an appalam said because he felt that Absalom could take him further than David Absalom end up dying and about it but David is the person we still talking about he chose the wrong friend he that opportunist chose the wrong person sometimes you just gotta let the opportune you got to know your own words and value and moment to let that opportunity go listen some people ain't worth holding onto their ankles when they walking out the door I just said a thing some people are not worth holding onto their ankles when they walking out the door you got to be strong enough to say boy bye girl bye cry in private let them go you got to be strong enough to know in it you got to know your own worth if you don't know your worth man you'll be miserable for a long time over opportunist III want to say something so bad I don't know if it's right for me to say [Applause] I know huh don't play it okay I feel like don't say I'm feeling more wheel for it to say say I feel s I'm on The Price is Right say it [Applause] all right look look III let me I won't say what I was gonna say but let me let me just say this I'm gonna say a variation of it when when I look at the dude who who betrayed me for the other dude the opportunists when when when I look at their lives now the person he chose was the wrong decision for him that person didn't take him anywhere i'ma leave it like that [Applause] that's why you got to surround yourself with white this is being recorded right that's why you got a Syrah yes and the last one is an uncontrolled temper that [Applause] Absalom was so angry with his father he would not allow his temper to calm down and that thing led him to lead a rebellion against David he took with him David's friends and stirred up all the trouble because he couldn't control his own anger we all make mistakes but if your rage burns against your friend you can't control you man if every time I'm with you is like heat on my neck that is a problem because somebody's uncontrolled anger could get them in trouble and us in trouble one moment of unbridled passion and rage and anger could shipwreck a person's life I got a friend right now serving 25 to life in prison because when we was in Queens he was angry at one bully and emptied a full clip on him in a backstreet in Queens he was 17 years old one moment of anger I used to run with him all the time and I just happened not to be with him this night he emptied a full clip on the owner on he was 12 he's emptied a full no he was 16 17 he emptied a full clip on a 12 year old bully he's an addict oh right now doing life in prison I'll be with this do it every day what if I was there in a moment I'm an accomplice I'm not care right now we're not here right now when a person has uncontrolled anger the Bible says be angry and sin not but when you cannot control your temper you'll become a serious liability in a friendship you become a liability to yourself if I was there that night I'm not here right now I love him I pray for him could not control his anger 17 years old sentenced to life in prison in fact the scripture says man this is heavy proverbs 22:24 225 do not not even a suggestion do not make friends with a hot-tempered man do not associate with one who was easily angered or you may learn his ways and get yourself how should we respond to friends who become liability almost done but now I'm looking at this list I realized man I got friends man I realized their liabilities how do I respond to them I know what you want to do because this is a social media generation and because we live in a social media age social media teaches us just unfriend unfollow block do whatever we want right because it's so easy listen truth--it social media has psychologically taught us to flippantly get rid of people like they don't matter so I just unfriend you block you a unfollow you weep because it's easy for us to move social media could just disconnect people from our lives it has taught us to disconnect people without value in them I've done it some of you have done it we've all done that but if you realize you have people in your life who they either toxic or they are liabilities you're looking at this list like I don't know about this person we do not just throw the person away if we're wise we will we will we will deal with them with love and grace and and and this is what I want to say to you and this is my own personal opinion listen to me carefully all eyes on me like Tupac listen to me carefully this is serious if you determine that you have someone in your life listen who's the liability I feel like what you do with them has to be based on two things my personal opinion based on wisdom I'm 39 years old it's based on two things your value system and influence listen to me you have to be clear about your core values you have to know what are your core values what is important to you if loyalty trust character whatever you have to know whether your your faith what you believe Christ Muslim whatever you have to know your core values and you got to see where someone is transgressing your core values and you have to make a decision is it worth compromising my core values to keep this friendship and you have to make that decision for yourself it is a very important switch to make and it has to be also be based on influence are they pulling me away from God are they pulling me towards God are they making me a better person are they making me a worse person you have to determine if the people around me are influencing me for good or influencing me for negative you have to make that decision and based on your core values and the nature of influence you got to make a decision of one of three things I either have to set boundaries around this relationship to redefine how close you are to me I have to reposition you either from in a circle to outer circle or I got to retire you from my life altogether and you got to make that decision with the friends that you have based on your core values and the influence they have in your life are they are they helping me or are they hurting me are they leading me or are they chaining me are they are they transgressing their core like my daughter is he is he sitting there she's 12 she had a friend um yeah I'm gonna tell him is he had a friend really intimate with his friend Sharon Hart with his friend close to this friend spending time with his friend as he learns to a bird on the show that she learns to a third party that this friend has really been trashing her behind her back taking her intimate stuff and trashing her behind her back she'll get on the bus and people are looking how funny on the bus laughing on the bus not knowing that the person you sitting next to has perverted everybody around you when is he found out she was so hurt and so devastated she came to my wife for not crying mommy daddy what should I do and I said to Izzie whoa I had to talk to about what she values do you really love this book so we talked about how values and I asked easier question I said based on the nature of her behavior is this someone you would want to keep as a friend you got to teach your children to be leaders you can't make every decision for them you got to help them think through is this someone you want to be as a friend would you want that's the same heard she called you is this someone you would want to be as a friend she's influenced all them other girls around you and as he said notice and not someone want to be as a friend good is it you've made the right decision so is he decided based on her values and the influence of that person forget reposition she had to retire that person from her life so Daddy how do I do it I said don't be mean and bitter and hateful go in there and tell her listen someone so listen we just can't be friends anymore I love you but but we can't be friends Gatto is he if she can't value the person you are she don't see your worth she does not deserve to be your close friend and I had to teach my daughter that she had worse and she did not have to be trampled like that by someone who did not value her as a person and you got to make a decision based on your values and influence what do you do with the people that are around you studies show that your friendships this is powerful studies actually show that your friendships or lack thereof are one of the key factors in shaping the person you are that right now as I'm talking to you you are the sum total of the friends you have had or not have had studies show that you are the average of your five or six closest friends you put together your five or six closest friends you'll find yourself in the middle right now as I'm talking to you studies show you are the sum total of the people you have kept around you because you become like the people you run with I wrote this down on what to share with you our friendships can either be instrumental to our success or our demise your friendships will either propel you forward or they will hold you back they will even help your success or they will destroy you and I want to I want to kind of land this message by asking you these questions and listen we're not if you're new to our church we have these things called V groups they they're going to be and and what we do in V gross we meet in these small groups during the week where we kind of talk about these messages we talk about real life they are on break right now they return with our next series access which starts in August that V group will be going around prayer it's gonna be a powerful V group powerful sermon series but I wanna I want to kind of land this plane listen to me and this is serious I want to ask you something a few things and I want to I want to ask you to please hear my heart either take a picture of it or write it down because I want you to wrestled it to the ground this week I've wrestled these questions to the ground this week in my prayer time and I made some decisions and I want you to wrestle these to the ground this week and I want you to think about them very carefully so let me let me ask you this question who are your closest friends let's let's get serious before we dismiss who are your closest friends I had to take inventory of that this week if you're smart you won't just blow me off like this is a sermon if you're smart you will you either write this down take a picture of it or remember it or go back and listen to this message and really think about this this week who are your closest friends who are they who are they yeah is what does your inner circle say about your future if you look at your inner circle what can you see in your future you're in a circle is prophesied where you're going third thing on one action was what friendships do you need to build this week I made a list of about seven people I have him on my phone an au pair of new people that came into my life and I realized you know what I need to build a friendship with these individuals because God sent them into my life to help me go he's calling me and for me to help them and I realized I can't just be treating them flippantly I'm not going to talk to them every every once every three years now I realize you know what this do came into my life in this season I'm in a new season in my life I feel God's favor all on me and all our church I need to build a friend with these six people and I wrote them down on my phone what friendships do you need to build in this season of your life because friendships must be built not Facebook they must be built with time and talking and laughing and sharing and pain and recovery this fourth thing I want to ask you is what friendships do you need to reposition or retire as your pastor I'm really trying to help you I'm doing the best I can and if you take this serious man I'm trying my best to help you you need to think through this because all of us got people around us what friendships do I need to reposition or retire and this last one is what type of friend are you are you an asset or liability what type of friend are you gonna be you're gonna be the first message my friends real friends you're gonna be this message your friends fraud friends maybe somebody listen to this message right now we'll take this word seriously you might make one decision this week that might change the whole trajectory of your future you might retire somebody who can sink you in another season or maybe start friending someone who will help you get to where God is calling you to be because your friendships are very very important I know what it is to lose friends I know what it is to hurt friends I know what it is to have bad friends good friends I notice half regrets and man I'm telling you your friendships are very very important if I could close this sermon with one last thing because I know just listen I know that people send this room right now you said to me pastor those are two good sermons but but I don't I don't I don't have any close friends but let's be honest and what about the person listen to the message right now who know you don't have a close friend maybe your age maybe you're older and you don't have one close friend maybe maybe a young and you don't have one close friend maybe you say the circumstances of my life they just I haven't been able to have build a friendship you know what and you have a legitimate reason why you don't have a close friend you know I don't want to leave you hanging in this series so I gave you these seven words last week you remember these look at them character cultivating counsel candor confidant constant comfort and I told you these seven words what a definition of a real friend you say pastor I don't have one but there's a blank right there and I want to say to those of you in this room maybe age you're young you don't have one true friend but the scripture says in Proverbs there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother and he is the definition of those seven words and his name is Christ Jesus our Lord the friend that sticks closer than a brother and the greatest friend you are ever known in your life and if you don't have anyone that values you Jesus Israel will be your closest friend and if you have no one that can sell it breaks you Jesus will be your closest friend and if you have no one who can comfort you Jesus will be your closest friend if you have no confidence no constant no counselor no one with character if you have no one in your life who keep it real with you Jesus that eighth see crisis them seven C's reveal a greater scene rice those seven C's point to a greater see twice who said this in John 15 he says greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his friends that's what he did for you and me and he says to his disciples and every one of us who are his followers he says you are my friends we never call him that word he is Lord he is Savior He is my friend in everything you are my friends if you do what I command I no longer call you servants [Music] because a servant doesn't know what his master's business instead I have called you what friends for everything that I learned from my father I have made of one known to you and when I can't turn to anybody I can look up and find the friend that sticks closer and a brother and my brothers and sisters Jesus be the best friend you ever know in this life thank God [Music] from the friendship we have in Jesus my grandmother and mother used to sing that song oh what a friend we have and cheese's all my grease and sins to bear what a privilege it is to carry [Music] everything to God and prayer our next series [Music] somebody showed his name Jesus we love you know hallelujah we really hope this message was a blessing for you and if you have a testimony send it to share at victory Church ATL dot again thank you for tuning in and we look forward to seeing you next week [Music]

Channel: Victory Church

Views: 1,548

Rating: 5 out of 5

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Id: P2uglmY4WCg

Length: 63min 43sec (3823 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 23 2018