YOUR Aftermath as Your Narcissist’s Fantasy, Delusion, Matrix

yesterday I ate moldy yogurt yogurt with mold as green as the greenback it was very dark in the kitchen I pick up the first yogurt canister and I just ate it and it was mulling I thought that being a narcissist was the peace it was a bad experience let me tell you it's moldy yogurt and he's after month it beats narcissism hands down for many she's been staring at me all day from her mug coffee tears running down her cutie pie cheeks okay I'm getting soft I don't like it enough sentimentality for one video Mimi is of course nothing but a delusion a coffee mug and today this is precisely what we're going to discuss the narcissus delusion his cult his twilight zone his llama lent of which you you comprised a central pillar a central part you see it's not that you have entered the narcissus matrix you are the narcissus matrix when you've exited your relationship with a narcissist you need deprogramming cult members or abducted by their families from cults require a period of deprogramming in order to recover and regain their perception of reality rational thinking and so on it's the same with victims of narcissistic abuse narcissism of course is founded on a delusion the false self which in turn is founded on a fantasy of perfection of brilliance etc which in turn it relies on a confirmation bias in other words filters out information that contrasts with a delusion which in turn is based on a cognitive deficits grandiosity dunning-kruger and other deficits so what do we have a delusion founded on a fantasy relying on a bias that is constructed upon a deficit a cognitive deficit get it the incident narcissus and into this black hole you in most cases willingly and voluntarily have stepped you found yourself trapped be beyond the event horizon like a ray of light which cannot exit the black hole once it had entered and those of you who are physicists you know that when an object even a ray of light enters the black hole it contributes to the information inside the black hole it reconstructs the black hole and a similar process is happening between you and your narcissist I would dedicate the second half of this video to your mind what's happening to you many many victims describe the experiences brainwashing as hallucination and there's a lot of truth to it something is happening to your mind into your brain having been exposed to such a mega mega delusional setting and we will discuss it as I said a bit further the narrowest definition of psychosis according to the fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual is restricted to delusions or prominent hallucinations with the hallucinations occurring in the absence of insight into their pathological nature so in these cells in this sense the narcissist is not psychotic he does not have auditory hallucinations it does not have visual hallucinations it doesn't imagine all kinds of entities at being supernatural or otherwise who talked to him who communicate with you who instruct him what to do give him commands he doesn't lose control to any external manifestation or emanation or operation but he does confuse his internal state his internal self state his internal objects with external ones and he does it in two ways he internalizes external objects makes them converts them into internal objects and he externalizes eternal objects and in this sense to a very large extent the narcissist is psychotic as I keep saying I've been saying through the last few videos but let's let's narrow it a bit let's talk about delusions what is a delusion let me quote from the from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual edition 5 which was published in 2013 that's the latest authoritative text on mental health disorders at least in the northern hemisphere and so the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual defies delusion is a false belief based on incorrect inference about external reality that is firmly held despite what almost everyone else believes and despite what constitutes incontrovertible an obvious proof of or evidence to the contrary the belief is not ordinarily accepted by other members of the person's culture or subculture for example it's not an article of religious faith when a false belief involves a value judgment it is regarded as a delusion only when the judgment is so extreme as to defy credibility delusion and conviction can sometimes be inferred from an overvalued ID in which case the individual is an unreasonable belief or ideal but does not hold it as firmly as is the with a delusion delusions are subdivided according to their content and there are several common types and these are the common types which are typical of delusional disorder the most extreme form of delusion there's the eros maniac type or a romantic type and in this this is when someone believes that another person is in love with them so if you believe that someone is in love with you without any proof or evidence or even in the face of proof and evidence to the contrary then you have an errata manic type of delusion another type is the grandiose type it's a subtype where the central theme of the delusion is the conviction of having some great but unrecognized talent or insight or having made some important discovery there is a jealous type of delusion when the the delusion is dead a spouse a lover girlfriend made an intimate partner is unfaithful again flying in the face of all evidence or connecting some flimsy bits and pieces into apparent apparent evidence when actually any normal any any rational person would say it's far from being him from being evidential for evidentiary this is the secretary or paranoid delusion when the central theme of the delusion involves the individuals belief that he or she is being conspired against sheeted spied on followed poisoned or drugged maliciously maligned harassed or obstructed in the pursuit of long-term goals then there is a semantic type when the central theme of the delusion involves bodily functions orderly sensations or a body dysmorphic disorder misperception of ones or ones organs in bodies there are many other types many other types for example there's a delusion of being control but I would like to come in one more and that is the delusion of reference also known as referential ideation I'm quoting from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual it's a DSM it's a delusion in which events objects or other persons in one's immediate environment are seen as having a particular and unusual significance these delusions are usually of a negative or pejorative nature but also maybe grandiose in grandiose in content a delusion of reference differs from an idea of reference in which the false belief is not as firmly held nor is fully organized into a true belief so there's referential ideation upon which a delusion of reference can can occur so this is a general introduction to delusions and suffice it to say at this stage that narcissus suffered from four major types of delusions first of all the paranoid of the secretary Jewish the belief that one is being controlled and persecuted by all kinds of powers of conspiracies co-workers the government one's own spouse one's family etc then there is a grandiose magical medical thinking or grandiose magical delusion the conviction that one is important when you put into Nishant genius possessed of possessed of occult powers or a historic figure in the making the super and yo is magical and then there is a referential delusion as we just mentioned the belief that external objective events or objects or people carry hidden or coded messages or that one is the subject of discussion derision or a program even by total strangers and then there is a row to mania career around the manic delusion which we again mentioned before that's the belief that someone is in love with you masters is very often mistake other people's kindness other especially women's kindness and gestures and they think the woman is in love with them they are they also have what we call sexual over perception they tend to interpret behavior by other people as an invitation to have sex any behavior by the way a good morning how are you today anything is interpreted as you see she's attracted to me inexorably I'm utterly irresistible now in the study of delusions some scholars not everyone by a long while but some scholars distinguish primary versus secondary delusions I want to read to you at length I'm afraid from a book titled dissociation and the dissociative disorders dsm-5 and beyond it was edited by Paul Dale and John Neal two scholars of dissociation and it's still in my view by far the best book of the topic here it is I hope the camera somehow captures it as I can't see myself i I see the text so this is the book and I want to read from you from page 527 what about non-bizarre delusions such as paranoia or grandiosity could dissociative processes underlie the formation of such delusions to these questions are best addressed by consideration of justice concepts of primary and secondary delusions Jasper's spent about five decades of pieces of his work and life from the study of this of delusions and in 1963 he published his work on delusions was republished and it was suggested them that there is a distinction between primary and secondary news Jasper's considered secondary delusions to be delusional interpretations of preceding stimuli so first as a stimulus and then the interpretation of stimulus is delusional that's a secondary delusion in contrast primary delusions have no apparent precursors they just happen Jasper's considered primary delusions to be psychologically irreducible to any precursors without reason the clinical distinction between primary and secondary delusions requires careful inquiry for example a psychotic individual may report that they are snakes in his bed absent inquiry one might conclude that this is a primary delusion arising they novel out of nowhere but if we inquire why the individual feels that there are snakes in his bed we may discover that while there are no snakes no snakes were seen the delusional idea of snakes was preceded by a sensation of something slithering over his skin as he lay in bed further inquiry might reveal a history of childhood sexual abuse by an older sibling or regularly crawled into bed given this information the clinician might deduce that the patient's delusion was a secondary delusion that arose from a tactile tactile dilute hallucination the tactile hallucination could be understood as a decontextualized somatic memory of the patient's abused experiences triggered by bedtime stimuli indeed tactile hallucinations have also been linked to experiences of childhood abuse in other studies for example reading 2003 lacking awareness that this tactile experience was in fact a memory the patient generated the delusional explanation of the tactile stimulus in other words the patient went to bed then something happened he wrapped up in something maybe stable there were some tactile stimulus trigger and this brought to his mind reminded him of the childhood sexual abuse but because he couldn't face the abuse was too much for him he converted it into a delusion that there snakes in his bed in this example in in similar situation the spatial temporal context of the memory would be either lost and is these are studies by natal and Jacobs in 1996 or such cases or split off from the emotional and perceptual aspects of the experience as the contextualization is typical of both traumatic memories and schizophrenia secondary delusions such as this one may derive from sensory and emotional flashbacks that are so disha dissociated from their spatial temporal context as to be unknowable as memories in other words that in other words the patient doesn't realize that these are memories the same situation to a large extent is with the narcissist many of the delusions of the narcissists are actually attempts to contextualize to create context to interpret to understand to explain to himself repress traumatic memories of childhood abuse breach of boundaries having been treated as an object having received conditional love bed and good mother frustration these are extremely traumatic memories for a child who is trying to separate from the mother and individuate and as the trial becomes an adult well at least chronologically never mentally in the case of the narcissist the the person tries to understand what has happened what is this trauma what is the source of all my my discomfort in Andy's depression and anxiety so and the narcissist solution is delusional is to create delusional context context and explanations the validity of the concept of primary delusions has been challenged by Roberts in 1992 who accurately noted that Jasper's deep described in a dissident two primary delusions namely the particular anxiety state that he called delusional atmosphere or delusional mood Roberts position is consistent with Freeman and guarantees in 2003 that essentially all delusions arise from pre-existing mood states the question becomes where do these mood states where do these affective states come from label and Jacobs have argued that disembodied event memories are conflated with the ongoing spatial temporal frame in anxiety disorders we wonder if delusions may have a similar genesis that is - delusions which often preceded by intense anxiety states do they arise is an effort to make sense out of an overwhelming affective experience if so then perhaps persecutory delusions for example might involve feelings of danger and that intrude without the patient recalling the original source of these feelings now this is a very obtrusive and complex text but it's extremely crucial to the understanding of analysis in the narcissist the delusional state is preceded by mood lability very similar to the borderline but when the borderline reacts to mood lability with emotional dysregulation and then with secondary psychopathy which includes acting out the narcissist reacts to mood lability into emotional triggers by becoming more delusional he sinks deeper into the netherworld an underworld of his own contortions and lies and confabulations he simply simply withdraws and retreats into dissociative state just tried to forget reality inside his own fantasies in other words masses have a natural preference for fantasy life over reality life what Freud would have called pleasure principle over the reality principle to substantiate what I'm saying I'm referring you to cutting in Dunn 1989 Jasper's the aforementioned young and McGorry in 1996 moskowitz natal wants and Jacobs into and so there many studies that actually substantiate what I've just said Miller was aware the Ottoman on the one of the grandfather's of the field of personality disorders and to my taste at least still the number one Authority Theodore villain was aware of that narcissism can be construed quite easily as a dissociative delusional State and he has written this in his book personality disorders in modern life page 303 when he explains the narcissistic personality he says when narcissists are faced with recurrent failures or adversities too severe to deny in other words when Alice has become collapsed narcissist they naturally attribute such events to the operation of forces external to the self the foundation of paranoid or delusional disorder already prone to grandiose fantasies and unwilling to accept the verdict of reality gnosis is sometimes isolate themselves through the corrective effects of shared thinking from other people running scared through their private fictional world narcissist may lose touch with reality and begin thinking along peculiar and deviant lines because narcissist see themselves as both brilliant and superior obviously the success could be blocked only by some entity equally gifted but malignant narcissists may find hidden in hostile meanings in the incidental behavior of others and become convinced that innocent behaviors hide malicious motives in intricate schemes such / secretary delusions represent the last-ditch effort to protect the grandiose self from total collapse an established continuity between pathological narcissism and paranoid and delusional shoulders indeed in some cases says Theodore Miller the paranoid presents a samosa tease something I've been saying for a very long time paranoia is a form of narcissism if you are sufficiently important to be persecuted by the CIA then you are important it's a grandiose defense so the paranoid presents is a narcissist whose inflated sense of self-esteem says Mellon has been repeatedly or profoundly flattened perhaps through ordinary encounters with reality or perhaps by colleagues who have secretly decided among themselves to undo an insufferable supervisor or co-worker here paranoid symptoms represent the defensive adaptation to a hostile environment the Threadless analysis at a fundamental level the paranoid quality may be expressed through a belief that others are conspiring to deprive these individuals of their sense of specialists or somehow cheat them out of a moment momentous accomplishment testament to their brilliance for example the individual may assert that co-workers have stolen the seeds of an invention that would provide the world with a clean source of unlimited energy or very common among analysis who accuse each other of plagiarism of ideas of tames the difference between believing that others are envious of you in believing that others are actively trying to undo to undo you the subtle difference you can't believe the people are jealous of you invisibly but to believe that they are acting on their Envy in order to destroy you sometimes become this difference becomes rather seen as stressors mount under stress stress pushes analysis to become delusional lose touch with reality we can imagine this happening to analysis who already believes that this stuff in his workplace is jealous of him and once to have him fired this is Miller it's a rare case where I don't entirely agree with Miller or actually I think millon is in pleat usually million Kabul covers every conceivable base including many bases no honest his total but in this case I think he missed a point gnosis is react with enhanced delusion allottee they become more and more delusional not only to failure but also to success anyone who is been with the narcissist when he had just been successful when he succeeded in something knows what I'm talking about analysis we've been successful is puffed up his focus his grandiose his verbose his aggressive is defiant is antisocial these can do daredevil you know devil-may-care happy-go-lucky narcissist are inflated by their success they become a bit psychopathic it's like alcohol myopia you know some people when they drink they become grandiose they can do anything that totally disinhibited success and failure have identical effect on velocities which implies that as far as analysis is concerned success is a form of stress puts him under stress and of course he puts him under stress because he's a perfectionist is afraid to be unable to replicate the success in the future he's afraid of out of other people's criticism once he had succeeded in in cannot do it again so one of the most important seemed again to remind you that the second half of the video I will discuss what all this does to you as a victim how it if F with your mind else with your mind how it changes you how in some respects it is forced runs a post hypnotic state kind of dissociative induced dissociative State I've come I'll come to it a bit later the right now we have to understand the genesis is delusional universe because you have entered this universe it's another universe it's another universe another planet some of the galaxy far far away one of the most important symptoms of pathological narcissism personality disorder is we all know grandiosity grandiose fantasies McCallum met megalomaniacal delusions of grandeur permeate every aspect of the narcissist personality they are the reason that gnosis is filled for example entitled to special treatment which is typically in commensurate with the narcissus real accomplishments many narcissists are losers and failures but they treat themselves as the best thing since sliced bread including slash brain the grandiosity gap between the narcissistic ego ideal the narcissist idealized image of himself as lastly remember quote idealizes he never idealizes someone he idealized someone idealizes other people in order to idealize himself so NASA study eliza's himself remembers reality and often there is a huge gap between the min abyss this is the grandiosity gap it's the abyss between the narcissists self-image is ray fight base for self and reality so when narcissistic supply is deficient I'm able to bridge this gap the gnosis is decompensates and acts out in a variety of ways gnosis is often experienced psychotic micro episodes for example during therapy this therapy is reality end of story masses cannot escape the therapists probing questions and in you know implied criticism or when they suffer narcissistic injuries in life crisis I don't know divorce have been having been cheated on bankruptcy of a business but Kenda notices go over the edge to analysis ever become psychotic fully psychotic irredeemably psychotic clinically psychotic the narcissus hold on reality is tenuous masses is sometimes failed the reality test testing admittedly masses is often seem to believe in their own confabulations they are unaware of the pathological nature and origin of their self delusions in technically therefore they are delusional they don't they don't have elucidation they don't have disorganized speech or catatonic behavior so that was schizophrenic and they are not on the schedule effective or skis or skis or heat or skis of people spectrum which leads to schizophrenia they're not they are in the strict sense of the word narcissists are not psychotic there is a qualitative difference between benign though well-entrenched self-deception or even malignant corner artistry and losing it masses don't lose it they opt they opt out of reality it's very similar I think to a drug addict or an alcoholic they imbibe or they inject all this they sniff in they snort in these are the ways that they opt out of reality no system supplies the drug but the logical narcissism should not be construed as a form of psychosis because the narcissist is usually fully aware of the difference between true and false real and make-believe invented an extant right and wrong all the time neuroses consciously chooses to adopt one version of events as as the Trump administration would call it alternate effects an agonizing narrative a fairy tale existence a what-if counterfactual life gnosis is emotionally invested in his personal myth the narcissist feels better at fiction than fiction that is fact but he never loses sight of the fact that it is all just fiction throughout all this mess the narcissist is in full control of his faculties his cognizant of his choices is goal oriented that's why I am dead set dead set against using narcissistic personality disorder is the defense in the court of law against claiming that it creates diminished capacity or that it is not guilty by reason of insanity absolutely not thus his behavior is intentional directional is a manipulator these delusions are in the service of his stratagems and subterfuge subterfuges his chameleon-like ability to to to to change his guises his contact in his convictions he I mean he he Philippe's on a dime now statistic delusions rarely persist in the face of blanket opposition and reams of evidence to the contrary I mean in prison forgetting that loss it suddenly becomes a model citizen in prison no one would tolerate his nonsense in prison he may end up very badly or sexually satisfied in a natural way the narcissus usually tries to convert his social media to his point of view he attempts to condition his nearest and dearest to positively positively reinforce his delusional for self but if he fails no problem he modifies his profile on the fly he plays it by ear his false self is extemporaneous he provides a perpetual work of art you know permanently permanently reconstructed in a real iterative recursive process designed around intricate and complex feedback loops from the environment whatever works though the narcissistic personality is rigid its content is always in flux select meenie minie is rigid trust me try to live with her she's very rigid but her content is in flux she has less content Narcisse is forever reinvent themselves they adopt the consumption on statistics apply to the marketplace they are salesman attuned to the needs of their suppliers like the performance that they are performance you know actors has been they resonate with their audience giving the audience what it expects and once they are a constant off-broadway production they are efficient instruments for the extraction and consumption of human reactions as a result of this interminable process of fine tuning masses have no royalties no values no doctrines no beliefs no affiliations no convictions nothing in in borderlines this would be called identity disturbance or identity diffusion is the borderline wants to ever core she wants stability she wants to feel grounded not the narcissist he doesn't it's pretty happy with the ways is ego synchronic he's proud of who is he self-aware not listen to an analysis online most narcissistic self-aware but they're happy their only constraint is their addiction to human attention positive and negative psychotic by psychotics by comparison Joker think of Joker in the movie they are fixated on a certain view of the world and of their place in the world they ignore any and all information that might challenge their delusions that will modify their delusions gradually they retreat into the inner recesses of their tormented minds and become dysfunctional narcissus cannot afford to shut out the world because they so heavily depend on the world for the regulation of their labile sense of self-worth owing to this dependence once this is a hypersensitive battery the hyper vigilant they have called empathy they scan urine to know everything about you alert to every bit of new data long before you they are continuously busy rearranging their sub delusions to incorporate new information in an eco symbolic manner this is why the narcissist this is when the Cystic personality disorder is is as I said insufficient grounds as a court offense Narcisa never divorce from reality they crave reality they need reality consuming in order to maintain the precarious balance of their disorganized borderline psychotic personality but they take what they came from reality and then organize this information is input into delusional frameworks in other words they have engines of interpretation they are in full touch with reality but they don't have a good reality test they gather the information they gather all the data and then they process it internally in engines of transformation which are delusional all narcissists even the freakiest ones can tell right from wrong act with intent and are in full control of the faculty and actions but all of them without exception see the world their own way my way or the highway I'm the greatest so it's like you have all the info you have all the data but you have the wrong program to interpret it the wrong computer app wrong smartphone app to interpret the data that you had collected the narcissist is the center of the world he's not not merely the center of his world as far as the gnosis can tell he is the center of the world and this Archimedean delusion is one of the images most predominant and all pervasive cognitive distortions the gnosis it feels certain that he is the source of everything that happens around you he is the prima causa as as they used to say about God in the Middle Ages is the Primo moments he is the main force that moves the origin of all the emotions of his nearest and dearest if they are said they're said because of him if they're happy they're happy because if they are happy not because of him he would make them said he's the fount of all knowledge and all knowledge is inside him that's why he doesn't have to acquire you know academic credentials he doesn't have to listen to experts or authorities because he knows everything or knowledge is is is internal not external he's very proud to say so he's the first and the final course is like God the beginning and is not like Jesus Christ the beginning in the end the narcissist arises his sense of being his experience of his own existence his self-worth from the outside he minds other people for narcissistic supply a jewel ation attention reflection even being filled their reactions Stoke is furnace absurd no statistics applied the narcissist disintegrates self-annihilation when he's a noticed loss he feels empty his worthless masses must delude himself delude himself lie to himself into believing that he is persistently the focus of object of attentions intentions plans feelings stratagems even malevolent balus of other people everything is like a vortex andes at the center is the eye of the hurricane the losses it faces a stark choice either be or become the permanent center of the world or cease to be all together and this constant obsession with one's looks with once centrality with one's position as a hub it leads to referential ideation ideas of reference and this is the conviction that one is at the receiving end of other people's behaviors speech even false the person suffering from delusional ideas of reference is at the center and forms of the constant and confabulated attentions of an imaginary audience so the gnosis walks into a room there - people laughing twenty meters away they're laughing about him they're laughing at him people are talking in hushed voices in the other corner they're talking about him it's all about him his wife his wife cheated on him she cheated on him because of him not because she had their own needs it's it's he made her cheat he converts external multiplication into internal mortification and and so the narcissist is is constantly torn because on the one hand this creates an external locus of control it's like impersonal malevolent forces vicious people are conspiring to destroy him to deny him his right his recognition is so nice his life his life is dictated by applying outside forces external on the other hand if he is that he is the reason and cause of of the whole universe twizzle is godlike that's false self of the phone cell experiences itself is godless is godlike as a divine entity in this strength this one's of course what kind of divine entity are you if people for example can frustrate you if they can hurt you they can steal your ideas if they can sleep with your wife and what kind of kind of divine divine force are you in this creates multiplication it's the engine of multiplication when people talk the gnosis is convinced that he is the topic of discussion when they quarrel is most probably the cause this is this even has a name clinical name quarrelsome paranoid when they smirk he is the victim of their ridicule he's mocked if they unhappy he made them unhappy if they're happy they're egotist because they're ignoring he's convinced that his behaviour continuously monitored criticized compared dissected approved of imitated etc he deems himself so indispensable so important such a critical critical component of other people's lives that is every act is every word is a true utterance in his every omission is bound to upset or hurt uplift or satisfy some audience and this of course actually delusional in 99% of cases people do whatever they do because of their own reasons which had very little to do with other people you know maybe in some respects we are all delusional this way because for example we believe in the delusion of love we believe that our loved ones and intimate partners do things because they love us it's not true people do things because they do things because they need to do things you just happen to be there and sometimes they happy beneficiary into the narcissist everyone is is but an audience it all emanates from him and it on reverts to him gnosis is a circular enclosed universe his ideas of reference are a natural extension of his primitive defense mechanisms omnipotence omniscience omnipresence being only present explains why everyone everyone everywhere is concerned with him because he is everywhere being omnipotent and omniscient excludes other lesser beings from enjoying the admiration at ulation and people in it the attrition attrition and exhaustion and depletion afforded by years of tormenting ideas of reference inevitably yields paranoia thinking and bitter bitter narcissus narcissus all their narcissus my age task meaning a bitter they are bitter that disappointed they're broken their collapse even when they are not collapsed that internally collapsed if I'm introducing a new concept here internal collapse and external glance the SIS can be externally extremely successful but internally collapsed because he ran out of reserves I ran out of battery it needs to recharge to preserve his egocentric cosmology the narcissus is compared to attribute fitting motives in psychological dynamics to others such motives and dynamics have really to do it reality of course they are projected by the narcissus on to others so as to maintain his personal mythology in other words the narcissistic tributes to others is only motives in psychodynamics and his messages are mostly besieged by transformations of aggression masses his rage they hate the entry they feel he atributes these emotions these negative emotions to others as well so if the whole world becomes a hostile frightening jungle and so the losses his attempts to interpret all the people's behavior is motivated by anger by fear by hatred by andrey and it's directed at him or revolving around him the gnosis is often erroneously believes that people are discussing gossip about him hate him defame him mock him berate him underestimate him envy him feeling is convinced the least to others the source of hurt humiliation impropriety and indignation he very often is precisely because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy if you think people hate you you will hate them back if you think they are angry too you'll avoid them I mean this this delusional misconstrue all of reality is a self-fulfilling prophecy the gnosis is nervous internally that is a wonderful powerful talented an entertaining person but he's only explains why people are jealous envious why they seek to undermine and destroy and so since the narcissus is unable to secure the long-term positive love admiration or even attention of resources of supplying he resorts to a mirror strategy in other words the gnosis becomes paramount better to be the object of of an imaginary and always self-inflicted division scorn and bile then to be glued you know but that will be hated and feared then not to be being envied is preferable to being treated with indifference if he cannot be loved the narcissist would rather be feared or hated than forgotten the narcissist is therefore a prophet of doom a general police Jeremiah he hates the world and world hates him back and sometimes he converts his hate he structures it and he introduces other people into his hatred hate speech hate actions hate perceptions hate interpretation exegetically hate hate hermeneutic free look to Patek definitely framework hate scriptures he and he creates a cult a cult of hatred a difficult death doesn't have to be physical and emotional death cult and you are impacted the u.s. is intimate partner here inducted into this Hall of Mirrors Hall of dark mirrors through a glass darkly and the narcissistic is the Guru at the center of this cult and like other gurus he demands complete obedience from his flock his spouse his offspring other family members friends colleagues narcissus feels entitled to it relation and special treatment by his followers he punishes the wear one and the strain lamps he enforces discipline adherence to his teachings common goals the less accomplished narcissist is in reality the most stringent his mastery the more outlandish and incredible his mission and message and more pervasive the brainwashing so you could say that cuts are person person centered organizations compared to other impersonal bureau bureaucracies this is the ironic paradox at the at the heart of God even as cult leaders dehumanize and objectify their followers they do it with a human face the face of the cults charismatic founder and chief teen cult leaders and narcissist failed not coming collapse knows now ceases who were defeated by reality life who failed in their quest to be someone to become famous to impress the world with their uniqueness talents traits and skills as such disgruntled collapse narcissist withdraw into a pathological narcissistic space that assumes the morlocks of account the often involuntary members of the gnosis is mini cult inhabited Twilight Zone of his own construction he imposes on his followers on his cult members an exclusionary or inclusionary shared psychosis replete with the secretary delusions enemies everywhere mythical grandiose narratives apocalyptic scenarios if he's flaunted if the rules are broken calamity Cataclysm it is a mental and clave of suspended judgment which first becomes the disciples disciples comfort zone where devoid of all responsibilities and the guilt attendant on failure devoid of performance anxiety the followers of the narcissist feel calm and assured of the Masters and conditional acceptance and love Nazi Germany the Nazi Party think what went on there what went on there is if Hitler told told his followers listen guys I take all the responsibility and I take all the guilt if if there's failure and you don't need to be anxious this all the performance is mine you just need to follow you know the budget or you just need to follow the the rules and my instructions and you don't need to think this thinking is onerous and depleting and you can't be done it can be assured of your own success and so what would you relegate the harrowing and frightening potential of failure to me the the shocking in and disturbing and discombobulating effects of defeat to me let me be the repository of your toxic fear of your own selves and feel calm of a sure insured it's a reenactment of the followers early childhood only this time with an ideal benevolent courage as he is perceived and so exclusionary showed psychosis involves the physical and emotional isolation of the narcissist and his flock spouse children fans friends from the outside world in order to better shield them from imminent threats and hostile intentions inclusionary shared psychosis revolves around attempts to spread the narcissus message in a missionary fashion among friends colleagues co-workers fans church goers anyone else who comes across the mini cult when the narcissus tries to obtain supply from other people not seasick supply he's spreading his religion he's a missionary like in Africa in the 19th century you know he's telling everyone I'm God like can't you see it worship me the narcissus control is based on ambiguity unpredictability fuzziness ambient abuse his ever shifting woman's exclusively defined right versus wrong desirable and unwanted what is to be pursued what is to be avoided Massey Stallone determines the rights and obligations of his disciples and he alters them at will capriciously arbitrarily the narcissus is a micromanager he exerts control over the minutest details and behaviors he punishes severely and abuses with holders of information and those who fail to conform to these wishes and goals and the losses does not respect the boundaries of privacy of his reluctant adherents he ignores their wishes he treats them as objects or instruments of gratification he seeks to control all situations and the people in these situations compulsively he strongly disapproves of others personal autonomy independence even in noxious activities such as I don't know meeting a friend visiting one's family reading a book they require his permission gradually he micromanagers he isolates his nearest and dearest until they are fully dependent only on him emotionally sexually financially and socially this is a greatest delusion of all he acts in a patronizing condescending manner and criticizes often intermittent reinforcements he alternates between emphasizing the minutest faults the values in exaggerating the talents traits and skills of his followers idealizes the members of his count and then not in all of this the gnosis is a wildly unrealistic in his expectations which legitimizes of course his subsequent abusive contact he sets people up for failure the messages claims to be infallible superior talented skillful omnipotent omniscient he often lies and confabulate to support these unfounded claims within his cult he expects all admiration and relation and constant attention commensurate with his outlandish stories and assertions he reinterprets reality to fit his fantasies the gnosis is thinking is dogmatic rigid doctrinal disciplinarian he does not countenance free thought pluralism free speech argumentation debate he doesn't prove criticism or disagreement he demands and often gets complete obedience trust and the relegation of his capable to escape abundance of all decision weak masses it forces the participants in his count to be hostile to critics to the authorities to institutions to his personal enemies to the media if they try to uncover his actions and reveal the truth remember remember Jim Jones he closely monitors and senses information from the outside exposing his captive audience only to select selective data and analysis the kool-aid the gnosis is cut his missionary and imperialistic he is always on the lookout for new recruits he spouses friends his daughter's girlfriends his neighbor's new colleagues at work he immediately attempts to convert them to his Creed to convince him how wonderful an admirable ease in other words Moses is tried to render everyone a source of supply and often his behavior of these recruiting missions is different to his conduct within the cult in the first phases of winged wooing new admirers proselytizing to potential constructs the narcissus is attempting compassionate empathic flexible self effacing reasonable and healthy which just proves to you that he can be this way whenever he wants to at home among the veterans among the already recruited those he takes for granted his tyrannical demanding willful opinionated aggressive and exploited is the leader of his congregation the narcissist feels entitled to special amenities and benefits not accorded the rank and file he this is very common in in parishes and churches he expects to be waited on hand and foot to make free use of everyone's money and dispose of their assets even their bodies liberally and to cynically exempt from the rules that he himself established himself if the violation of the rules is pleasurable and gainful Narcisse is gonna violate rules in extreme cases the narcissist feels above the law any kind of law this grandiose and motley delusional conviction leads him to criminal acts incestuous or polygamous relationships and recurrent friction with your Fergie's hence the narcissus panicky and sometimes violent reactions to drop outs from his count there's a lot going on that the narcissist one kept once kept under wraps you know the famous phenomenon that a child leaves the family and the master sees who refuses to talk to their child never mind what happens I mean the child grows up as a family masses refuses to meet them to talk to them to see them and it will not allow them to visit home why because they dropped out of the county they did disobeyed him moreover the narcissist stabilizes a fluctuating sense of self-worth by deriving narcissistic supply from his victims abandonment threatens and narcissus precariously balanced personality and add to this his paranoid schizoid tendencies his lack of introspective self-awareness his stunted sense of humor except me of course I have a sense of humor his lack of self-deprecation in the risks to the grudging members of his cult quite clear his analysis sees enemies and conspiracies everywhere he often casts himself as the heroic victim the martyr of dark and stupendous forces in every deviation from his tenants he he spies malevolent an ominous subversion he therefore his mental help and I would say on disempowering his devotees by any and all means narcissism is dangerous in and then you have the members of the cult when you talk to them your sentence is like my husband is a misunderstood and much envied genius when really he is an object failure and Rosa or you could you could read something like the CIA is really spying on us why would they wish resources from a couple of sedate third-rate accountants or my wife is good-hearted and kind when she's in fact hiring a delusion is a false belief we said it before sometimes the member of the family especially spouses or lovers they shared the delusion and they aid and abet each other in sustaining the delusion in a cult-like City it's always a primary inducer in a suggestible accepter insured psychotic disorder also known as fully adieu which is unfortunately no longer a diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual edition five should it be the delusions of the secretary paranoid grandiose narcissistic or manic the real is people saying we're going to make big money soon so let's let's splurge now let's make spend money not the line between steadfast support for your partner in believing in him insurance echoes is not very clear in many ways all long-term intimate relationships end up incorporating pronounced delusional elements which are firstly defended by the cop shared psychosis is also common in other settings involving emotional intensity and stress business political activism ideological movements even in academia many self-styled and pass my most hated world word in the universe many self-styled and paths are actually codependent enablers or covert narcissists there is a difference between being compassionate being empathic and enabling an eyeblink is a pernicious variant of empathy compassion means that you hold a realistic view of your path but refuse to participate in issue and psychosis refused to succumb and collaborate with his paranoia his mind gates his power place still compassionate enabling means that you aid and abet your significant other together with him you descend into his madness his personal heinous his mental purgatory and his fantasies an ideation is this a good thing to do are you a good but intimate partner cause you're not cause you're not you're like is pusher if you enable your partner you're like is pusher you're enhancing is drug habit compassion is about providing your counterpart with external boundaries checks and balances controller feedback realistic with enabling involves fusing and merging video erasing all the boundaries helping to fend off hurtful reality by becoming delusional together jointly when a couple is in the state of shared psychosis they uphold a common delusional a paranoid or narcissistic narrative about themselves and about the world and they settle on a code of conduct which conforms to this division which is very counterproductive self-destructive self-defeating shed psychosis required the partners to fuse and merge and therefore present psychodynamic aspects of both dependent and borderline personality disorders when one of the partners opts out of the shed psychotic disorder the other half feels annulled annihilated incomplete a putative cast out she oh he reacts with depressive episodes with severity and duration can be extreme the depression resolves into two solutions or orientations so when there's a breakup of the shirt psychosis of the day of the Megane delusion this depression this depression can lead to one of two paths some rejected partners react by utterly repressing the past they dissociate they leave solely in the present like there's no yesterday or tomorrow company and mindfulness they act out recklessly antisocial promiscuous other other discarded partners in the shed psychotic disorder they get stuck in the past that debilitated they render dysfunction by nostalgia and abandonment anxiety they live like there is no today or tomorrow only yesterday in both times usually end up in meshed in a new shared psychosis in an attempt to recreate and recapture the magic of being one with another person organism with two heads soulmates twins and the overwhelming sensations of safety and acceptance just such an arrangement provides by the way Psychopaths notice the grooming process of psychopaths involve simulated shared psychosis in some couple where one member is a failure in a loser the other member fails to thrive she doesn't want to challenge him she just doesn't want to humiliate him she just just want to remind him what a failure is so one member is a failure the other one is a failure loser as well engages in self-destructive so defeating behavior behaviors she doesn't want to humiliate the less accomplished intimate partner by being too successful similarly when one of the members was dying he's challenged or threatened by intimacy of sexuality the other mandir often agrees to suppress her femininity or his masculinity in order to avoid conflicts in earth you don't want intimacy you don't want sex ok then I will stop existing as a sexual object and as an emotional object I will suppress my emotions are suppressed my sexuality is I love you Nasus is preferred to be right than to be happy it is a self-defeating even self-destructive propensity the narcissist pushes people to prove his judgment and prog-rock prognostications infallible even at a life-threatening traumatic cost to himself gnosis is very often will induce life-threatening mortification just to prove that their right for example the narcissist may predict a dire painful future and then preemptively make adapt in order to avoid disciplines to avoid a challenge to his grandiosity to his omniscience and the excruciating shame for having been wrong and having me straight to tea leaves the narcissus preparing lives deceives confabulated gaslights one of the most assesses limit themselves to contribution narcissists who Gaslight narcissus who lies knowingly manipulatively is usually not the socialists psychopathic noses but they do all these things in order to preserve ego synteny by always being right narcissus undermines intimate relationships his own accomplishments values priorities you name it to preserve his fantastic godlike current theology when confronted with incontrovertible evidence that is wrong the gnosis reacts by retreating to delusions denying reality he decompensates he acts out here ages he becomes passive aggressive what all this is doing to you as his victim and intimate Agha what does he what all is it what all this pain engenders in you how does it transform you and you know what a very interesting question why do you feel so bad when he leaves when so many a heartbroken by the breakup why aren't you happy and relieved exalted him elated why are you said that your narcissus had left on the Jew had left you narcissist why are you mourning what are you dreaming and so the thing is that if the commencement of the relationship the narcissists and even most of the Psychopaths is it is a dream come true he is often intelligent his Wheatley's charming is good-looking is an achiever is empathic and pathetic is in need of love is loving is caring attentive everything you name it is a perfect bundled answer to the nagging questions of life and every wisher who's ever had come true in one bundle of one one bundle of joy and happiness you want to find meaning you want companionship compatibility evidence it's him he is the reification of always his ideal at first the narcissus is too good to be true then he is too true to be good it is difficult to let go of this idealized figure relationships with narcissus inevitably invariably end with the dawn of a double realization the first is that one has been abused by the narcissist and the second is that one had been regarded by the narcissist is of disposable dispensable and interchangeable instrument an object to the assimilation of this new gained knowledge is an excruciating process often unsuccessfully completed why because you are as delusional as the narcissist he made you delusional he made you not only integrate into his own delusions he made you his own is maintained people get fixated the different stages they fail to come to terms with their rejection as human beings most total form of rejection theories look we are reactants loss makes us feel helpless objectified everyone we lose you know small thing I got my goldfish a few years ago I was heartbroken absolutely heartbroken for the wake of her name was Fred ocean so even small losses make us lost when our loved ones die we feel that nature of God life treated treated us as playthings when we divorce especially if we did not to break up we often feel that we have been exploited and abused in the relationship that we are being dumped that our needs and emotions are ignored in short we again feel objectified losing the narcissist is no different to any other major loss in life provokes a cycle of beer event and grief as well as soon as some kind of mild post-traumatic stress in cases of severe abuse CPT's and this cycle is four phases denying rage sadness and acceptance constructed roughly on the kubler-ross cycle of grief denial can assume many forms some go on pretending that the narcissist is still a part of their lives even going to the extreme of interacting with the narcissist by pretending to communicate with him or to meet him through others via social media stalking others develop the secretary in this illusion of those yes this it's like the narcissist is only present and all we need to do is reach out and touch it and it's delusional so we victims react with delusions to the dissolution of the master primary delusional state other victims developer secretary Jewell's incorporating the imaginary narcissist into their lives is an ominous and dark presence and this ensures is continued interest in them if the narcissus is pursuing you persecuting you stalking you threatening you using the children against you treating you unjustly sues you in court at least is there it which means he is present in your life means he's still interested in you this is you know many many victims say I went more contact but yesterday I checked his social media and he is doing this with that I mean victims don't let go they don't like the work they are obsessed with their narcissist and in one way of ensuring that the narcissist remains in your life is by converting the narcissist into a couple secretary object a demonic of God like entity that persecutes you malevolent threatening better malevolent and threatening then not present than God and these are radical denial mechanisms which border of the psychotic and often dissolve into brief psychotic micro episodes paranoid more benign and transient forms of denial include the development of ideas of reference the narcissus every move or utterance is interpreted to be directed at the suffering person his ex so if he said something he was actually talking about you if he made a video on YouTube it was actually about your affair or your relationship everything we attempted to to carry a hidden message which can be decoded only by you and that's of course in the world of manic delusion others deny the very narcissistic nature of the narcissist they attribute his abusive conduct to ignorance mischief lack of self control impulse control childhood abuse and trauma benign intentions you name it I call this malignant optimism and this denial mechanism leads the victims to believe that the narcissus is really not a narcissist but someone who is not aware of its true being someone who merely and innocently enjoys mind games and toying with people's lives someone who is in the process of the recovery or healing and waiting part of a dark conspiracy to defraud and abuse gullible victims oh I know what do you know how many comments I get telling me that I'm actually not a narcissist it or they that I'm healing or that I'm recovering or that I'm changing what the hell are you talking about what's wrong with you guys what's wrong with you is malignant optimism you want to believe the good in people this is something called the base rate fallacy the base rate fallacy of measure a bias is a well document psychological tendency to believe people to believe the best about people when you perform a good Donna early studies recommend often the passages is depicted as upside or possessed imprisoned by his invented condition and really deep inside nice gentle lovable person the inner child I see the inner child with you he's so lovable inside it's all delusions self-delusions the pain is too much for you you are retreating from reality and at the healthier end of the spectrum of denying reactions we find the classical denial of loss the disbelief the hope that the narcissist may return the suspension and repression of all information to the contrary denial in mentally healthy people quickly evolves into rage there are a few types of rage rage can be focused and directed at the narcissist and other facilitators of the laws such as the narcissist lover or at a specific circumstance it can be directed at oneself which often leads to depression suicidal ideation self-mutilation some cases suiza it can be diffused or pervasive all-encompassing so you just feel that you're angry and bitter I didn't know it worked and why and it's engulfing such loss related rage can be intense and in bursts or smoting it permeate the whole emotional Lenski range gives place to service it is the sadness of the trapped animal an existential angst a combination with anxiety mixed with acute depression it enforced dysphoria the inability to rejoice to be optimistic cheerful expectant and anhedonia the inability to experience pleasure to find meaning in anything it's a paralyzing sensation which slows you down and enshrouds everything in the grave veil of randomness and arbitrariness everything is meaningless it all looks meaningless empty and this in turn gives place to gradual acceptance suddenly your energy reserves are renewed their bouts of activity new friends enter your life maybe new lovers the narcissus is gone both physically and increasingly more meant the void left in his wake still hurts pangs of regret and hope still exists but on the whole the gnosis is is transformed into a distant memory a narrative a simple another life experience or a tedious cliche narcissus is no longer only present his former victim entertains no delusions as to the one-sided and abusive nature of the relationship arrested the possibility and desirability of his revival and this is the best case scenario it's a healthy development of course many victims of narcissistic abuse have their own mental health issues and they can't progress through these phases they don't reach acceptance they get stuck in one of the phases rage or depression or delusion self delusion allergy and we will discuss it in one of the future videos so thank you very much the lesson of these videos do not eat moldy yogurt it's not worth it and always drink coffee from a mug with a beautiful girl on it like meaning

Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin

Views: 127,600

Keywords: victim, survivor, delusion, denial, grief, mourning, bereavement, shared psychosis, hallucination, cult, sanity, referential ideation, persecutory, erotomaniac, grandiose, mask, false self, Classic, Overt, Inverted, subtypes, isolation, pain, defences, romantic, workplace, introversion, sadist, narcissistic supply, mortification, narcissist, borderline, shame, guilt, fear, personality, true self, grandiosity, needs, cheating, intimate partner, relationships, anxiety, empathy, healing, trauma, self awareness, fantasy, psychosis

Id: -r0Ge3-KUfc

Length: 73min 5sec (4385 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 30 2020