How Narcissist/Psychopath Sees YOU (his Victim) & Why Borderlines Adore Them

what goes through the narcissist mind when he idealizes you what goes through the psychopath's mind when he discards you and what goes through the borderline's mind when she alternates and vacillates and oscillates and every other late between her various dysregulated labile cell states how does it feel to be inside the abuser's mind now there are quite a few self-proclaimed narcissists who try to verbalize their inner experience some of them even do it honestly [Music] and there are quite a few victims real ones self-styled professional ones and covert narcissists posing to be victims posing as victims and all of them try somehow [Music] to get a handle to grasp the inner landscape of the narcissist the psychopath and to a lesser extent the borderline i'm saying to a lesser extent the body line because the borderline is much more human than the narcissist let alone the psychopath the thing is that in the absence of empathy and access to emotions narcissists and psychopaths are not fully human in any true sense of the word no amount of empathy can help here what is needed is scholarship and so this video is based on studies published papers academic journals articles and the decades-long work of luminaries from let's say kernberg kohut theodor millen all the way down to twenge all the way up if you wish to trench and campbell to this i can add my own personal experience and the fact that i have a database of 1783 through to this morning diagnosed narcissists and psychopaths people diagnosed officially with narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder by professionals and diagnosticians not by their own spouses or angry neighbors or colleagues and in this database of 1783 individuals they responded to a structured questionnaire with 683 questions if you multiply the two you get an overwhelming database regarding the what it means how does it feel to be a narcissist so today i'm going to discuss the narcissist how does he experience you not the other way so first of all it's it's critical to make a distinction between narcissists and psychopaths this distinction is often lost online by self-styled experts and others and they often confuse irredeemably confused narcissists and psychopaths they attribute to narcissists many things which are actually the domain of psychopathy and they very often attribute to psychopaths many behaviors which are exclusive to narcissists it is true that every psychopath has a pronounced streak of grandiosity and it is true that some narcissists the small minority are psychopathic narcissists they're antisocial defiant lack impulse control and so on but that's a tiny tiny group they used to be known as malignant narcissists in today's video i'm going to discuss the classic narcissist the overt classic narcissist not a covert not the malignant which are tiny minorities but the run-of-the-mill pedestrian narcissist that you're very likely to come across because anywhere between um one percent one and a half percent and six percent of the population depending on which study you believe which study you trust are narcissists people with pronounced narcissistic traits behaviors style and personality so these are the analysis you're going to come across similarly when i will discuss psychopaths a bit later i'm going to discuss the typical psychopath not the serial killer most serial killers are sexual cities and also psychopaths but they're rare luckily there are a few of them you know so it's a bit pointless to mix to to create this melange or cocktail of all these types because it's very misleading and very confusing so let's start with analysis for you as a as a victim or a potential victim or a survivor or someone who might come across a narcissist in your daily life in the workplace in a romantic setting on a dating app for you it's critical to understand it as far as the narcissist is concerned there is no distinction between his fantasy life and real life he has impaired reality testing he has cognitive deficits and the very essence and definition of pathological narcissism is a grandiose fantasy narcissism is a fantasy defense fantasy is a psychological defense mechanism and narcissism is the fantasy defense mechanism writ large and narcissists cannot make the distinction between phantoms in reality also because they interact with inner objects they confuse exactly like psychotics they confuse inner objects with outer external objects i you're all acquainted by now i hope with the famous mechanism of snapshotting where they interact with a snapshot of you they take a snapshot of you and then they interact with it with your representation with your avatar with your introject not with you and so what they do they internalize external objects especially significant objects and especially objects that can cause them pain and so they by abandoning them so they internalize these objects and then they continue to interact with the internal representations within a shared fantastic space and they can't tell the difference this is why they mislabel emotions narcissists feel intense emotions many many scholars uh speculated that perhaps narcissism is in psychopathy are are reactions defensive reactions defensive attempts to avoid very very deep emotionality perhaps narcissists and psychopaths or at least narcissists emote too much too strongly too intensely they are about to be to be overwhelmed by their emotions so they isolate themselves from their emotions they put a firewall they put a moat and a fence and a fortress a fortification to avoid their emotions and this is why rothstein and other scholars suggest that borderlines people with borderline personality disorders are people who had tried to become narcissists and faith these people are overwhelmed by this regulated emotions these people drown in their emotions like covet 19 emotional coveted 19 they drown in their own emotions because they can't control these emotions these emotions are much stronger than they are and they don't have a narcissistic defense so narcissists are capable of intense emotions the thing is that they feel they experience the emotion but they don't know what it is because they are divorced from reality they have this cognitive deficit and impaired reality testing they ask themselves what am i feeling now what is it that i'm feeling now oh it must be love so they say well i love you they mislabel or they say i must be angry narcissists experience their emotions through a cognitive analytical filter they have to ask themselves what they're feeling and then they compare their experiences their reactions their moods their effect their behaviors they compare all this to an internal database a database where they have entries and listings for how people behave when how people behave when they are sad they cry i cry therefore i'm sad how people behave when they're happy they smile i'm smiling now therefore i must be happy how people behave when they're in love they crave the presence of the loved one i crave the presence of my intimate partner so probably i love her of course the narcissist craves the presence of his intimate partner because she gives him supply but he he even if he's aware of what supply is and most narcissists by the way are self-aware it's another idiotic myth online that they are not most of them are they're just proud of their disorder but they are self-aware self-aware but mislabel self-aware but get it wrong self-aware but don't understand what they are aware of so very often they think they're in love and they embed this love in the shared fund this perception of love misperception of love in a shared fantasy it's fantastic love because everything in the narcissist life has to be bigger than life has to be fantastic as to be amazing as to be perfect this will be brilliant is to be everything is grandiose so the love must be grand deals and there is a difference between the shirt fantasy of a narcissist and the shirts fantasy of a psychopath i'm reading books where there is god almighty confusion between the two the shared fantasy of a narcissist involves imperfect mirroring in other words the shared father's evangelist survives differences between the parties survives friction survives disagreement and criticism and so on as punishment but it survives these things the shared fantasy of a psychopath is perfect mirroring the psychopath doesn't live doesn't leave daylight between himself and his target the psychopath emulates and imitates the target to perfection so that the target feels that she had found her soulmate her twin her doppelganger her other the one she's been searching for all her life in other words herself so while narcissistic mirroring idealizes the partner allowing her to fall in love with her idealized image psychopathic mirroring includes idealization of course plus the added element of identity between the psychopath and his newfound so-called love or intimate partner and the victims of psychopaths fought for it they feel that they had found the perfect resonance that they had been looking for all their lives this is rare with the narcissist what the victims of nazis feel is that they had found someone who makes them feel good about themselves at the beginning at least when the shed fantasy is established both types love bomb but usually only the psychopath grooms and when the shared fantasy is a psychopathic shirt fantasy and it is it reaches its natural end its expiry many psychopaths become long-term stalkers before they finally let go if they do contra to information online it is the narcissist who would let go of a shared fantasy and move on to another target the famous idealize the value discard replace is a narcissistic strategy because the narcissist is in need of a shared fantasy all the time he cannot survive a minute without a show advances so he immediately replaces a defunct a dead an expired shared fantasy with a new one the psychopath is different the psychopath is goal oriented we'll come to it in a minute and when his shirt fantasy goes down the drain he won't accept it he won't accept it and many of them become long-term stalkers and this is regardless of whether the fantasy was active or not in other words regardless if there was a relationship at all or whether it was all in the psychopath in the case of the narcissist some narcissists become stalkers but they become stalkers within an active short cycle their short fantasy in other words narcissists talk only as long as the partner gives them hope for example as long as the partner remains physically cohabits with them doesn't leave home as long as a partner keeps calling them communicating with them as long as the partner keeps dropping hints that you know so as long as the shared fantasy is active the narcissist will stock will stock the target that is the process of hovering in effect the psychopath will stalk even after the the short fantasy is dead as far as the other as far as the partner is concerned psychopaths the psychopaths are defined it's my way of the highway i will decide when the shared fantasy is over not you narcissist is different now it says as long as you give me hope i will be after you i will keep coming keep coming back for more keep trying to coerce you and convince you to return to the shelter entity but the minute the narcissist is truly mortified gets through his thick skull that it's over he has to move on with alacrity with speed because he cannot survive a second without the shirt circles uh short fantasy within the shared fantasy there's another difference the narcissist in the shirt fantasy because the fantasy for him is a reality he misjudges the nature of the relationship exactly like the histrionic image judges the intensity the depth the intimacy the commitment of the other party the motives of the other party lies that is being told he believes because he becomes suit of stupid he becomes gullible within the shared fantasy so he misjudges the nature of the relationship the nature of the shared fantasy but he never misjudges the existence of the shared fantasy in other words after multiplication becomes clear to him the fantasy is dead the psychopath is exactly the opposite psychopath never misjudges the nature of the shell fantasy because he creates it as a tool to manipulate he's goal oriented or she is gone already he creates a shirt fantasy because within the shared fantasy he can get what he wants sex power money contacts this that access psychopath does everything creates a simulation creates a matrix within which his victims react exactly as they want them to react and further his aims and goals so he never mistakes the nature of what's happening but he sometimes mistakes the existence of the fantasy exactly opposite of the narcissist he wants he won't take no for an answer and this is why psychopaths are very very dangerous much more dangerous as intimate partners than narcissists the narcissist operates on kind of two tracks he has a two-track mind it's easier for the narcissist to operate with two tracks because the narcissist essentially is a broken personality i even suggested many times the narcissist has multiple personality it has a true self and a false self by definition so it's a form of dissociative identity disorder narcissists dissociate a lot they depersonalize they realize they have dissociative amnesia exactly like borderlines it's easier for analysis to work on two tracks and within the shared fantasy the narcissist works on two tracks there is this guy if you wish this entity this locus which is rarely wrong clear-eyed insightful intuitive analytical progress prognosticator so almost i would say supernatural telepathic the narcissist knows at every given moment one is about to be betrayed for example and at the same time at the very same time concurrently there is a child there deluded caught in the fantasy erotomaniac kind of kind of dependent with an impaired reality test with a confirmation bias filters out information that is hurtful countervailing this second entity is always shocked when he's cheated on or betrayed in another way the former entity communicates with his partners the letter entity the deluded child communicates with him the former entity is the one that interfaces with the with the women but the letter entity is the one that captivates the partner so even in the partner there's a similar duality a similar break which explains the unease when you're with the narcissist as you feel that sometimes you're communicating with a very hurt very small child and at other times with a pretty sharp cookie with a tough toughest nails um lawyer type who is you know won't take won't take no one want to buy your stories and lies and and everything see through you it's very penetrating in every way so this is the duality of the of the narcissist there's no such thing as a psychopath with the psychopath what you see is who you are there is no one there the psychopath is a perfect mirror the narcissist provides you with a hall of mirrors which reflect these mirrors reflect you wrongly by idealizing the narcissist provides you with a hall of mirrors which reflects you totally the emphasis is on totally not not so much on idealizing you but on being like you being identical to you so while the narcissist will tell you for example that you're good-hearted because it's part of the idealization the psychopath might tell you that you're actually pretty vicious exactly like him you're vicious ambitious we are one of the same we're the same person the psychopath's messages we are one organism we are one entity with two heads it's a merger infusion message that's why it works wonderfully with codependence and with borderlines the psychopaths messages your strong points your weak points your shortcomings your advantages your talents your skills your wishes your fears your needs your preferences your priorities your values your hopes your dreams everything it's exactly me the psychopath says how did you find me i'm you you positive and negative this is not the narcissist message the narcissist messages there's nothing negative in you you are perfection refined you are wow if you're beautiful you're drop dead gorgeous if you are intelligent you're a genius your narcissist flatters you [Music] counter factually psychopath never does this psychopath just tells you i'm like you [Music] and so there's the issue of co-idealization which doesn't happen with the cycle the narcissist grandiosity crucially depends on core idealization the only reason the narcissist idealizes his partner is so that he can feel idealized himself if the narcissist partner is the most drop dead gorgeous super genius what does it say about the narcissist that she is his partner and no one else's imagine if your partner is bigger than life you're bigger than life if your partner is a genius you must be a genius otherwise why would you be with you if your partner is drop dead gorgeous you must be irresistibly attractive idealizing your partner reflects on you it's a way to idealize yourself as a narcissist the way to buttress your grandiosity this process is called co-idealization it does not happen with psychopaths psychopaths are not interested at all in narcissistic supply their grandiosity the psychopaths grandiosity is inward looking it's it's self-sufficient it's self-contained the psychopath knows that he's superior end of story he doesn't need anyone to confirm it to him he just knows it it's a fact in this beautiful fact who can who can argue with that who can argue with it whoever argues with that is an idiot narciss is not the same master's is compensatory he needs other people to tell him that he's superior and if people don't do that if they don't tell him that he's superior or they challenge his superiority he's very easy to destabilize is he is very uncertain there's an external locus of control and so then the psychopath does not quite realize when and if the psychopath idealizes you it's part of a process of manipulating you subjugating you rendering rendering you addicted to his praise it's it's goal-oriented it's a tool it's an instrument it has no reflection on you psychopath is utterly unaffected by his idealization of you i mean who cares what you are really and who you are really what is it what is all matter it's like you know me and me co-idealization the narcissist co-idealization occurs simultaneously in two spaces one space is real one is imaginary this is not the case with the cycle the narcissist pathological narcissistic space is his stomping ground it's a real space it's a physical space it could be his home church neighborhood pub volunteer organization or workplace it's a location it's a location in which his sources of supply habitually congregate and interact to provide the analysis with adulation and affirmation applause you know it's where he get uploads so it could be a concert hall and concurrent with this physical site the narcissist maintains a shared fantasy space here in his mind and within this shared fantasy space he idealizes both himself and and his intimate mate co-idealization psychopath doesn't have this psychopath has only a space a single space and it's a totally physical space the psychopath does not have a shared fantasy with you he creates a fantasy for you psychopath is a little like disneyland disneyland they don't think that mickey mouse is real or minnie mouse is real but they give you mickey mouse and mini mouse because you want it makes you feel good so it's the same as a psychopath he creates a fantasy space for you a disneyland mental disneyland but he never makes the mistake of confusing the space that he had created his work of art with reality like the narcissist does so the psychopath is only physical locations or digital communication which is also physical because you have to hold the smartphone it's very nice the psychopath is very reality based it doesn't have an impaired reality test it doesn't give a about reality he doesn't care he doesn't mind he's whimsical he's prone to to satisfy his impulses never mind what never mind who never mind what's the cost so he ignores reality because of his grandiosity but he never mistakes it for a fantasy not so the narcissist masters is much more psychotic much more psychotic than the psychopath and i beg to differ with kernberg and others much more psychotic than the borderline when the narcissist is forced to return to reality when he's brutally awakened and decompensates when his defenses crumble fall apart he usually does it come comes back to reality wakes up by by having been narcissistically injured or even mortified it's a precondition the nazis never abandons the fantasy because it's his reality when he is expelled from the garden of ede of eden when he's expelled from the garden of eden there should be an angel there with a flaming sword or else he will try to re-enter the garden and eat another apple with the naked eve i love this imagery okay so the narcissus is not narcissistically injured he's mortified and then what he does he devalues the found of hurt and frustration he devours the source if it was a person who hurt him who frustrated him usually it's the intimate partner but doesn't have to be what he uses the infantile splitting defense mechanism you remember what is splitting black and white good and bad good and evil right and wrong everything is 100 good 100 bed 100 evil 100 uh good 100 gratifying 100 frustrating but it's always 100 we call it dichotomous thinking black or white thinking although nothing all or nothing thinking so he uses this infantile splitting defense to render his partner the polar opposite of her erstwhile idealized version so if she were if she were in the idealized version drop that gorgeous no she's getting old if she were a genius now she's either a genius only in certain things or really very stupid but exactly as idealizing the partner resulted in self-idealization you know remember core idealization like he idealized the partner idealize himself so it stands to reason that devaluing the partner should result in self-devaluation and narcissists go through this phase they ask themselves how could i have been so stupid and blind and gullible and wrong and fallible to not see how inferior she is and this is a phase that is common to narcissism to victims of narcissist ironically don't forget narcissists are the outcome of narcissistic abuse in early childhood they are post-traumatized they're in a post-traumatic condition i even suggest that narcissism is not a personality disorder but a post-traumatic state so they have exactly the same reactions like the victim of narcissistic abuse but infused tinged imbued painted over with grandiosity and to avoid this excruciating outcome of saying to himself i've been stupid i've been wrong to avoid this excruciating outcome to avoid this inner internally generated challenge to his grandiosity the narcissist engenders an external modification if you remember when in the four videos when we analyze where i analyze notification i told you that mortification the the one of the ways to cope with modification is to replace it with another multiplication which is much more acceptable so the losses creates another modification which is more acceptable to him and this modification says she is evil she's dumb she's a psychopathic and i'm a punisher and immediately he embarks on a new round of co-idealization with the next available and willing target or victim or prey because he can't leave a second without a shirt fantasy remember fantasy is his reality when he is taken out of the fantasy he feels the same way you feel when you are caught in a nightmare it's exactly nasty's world is a mirror image of your world what to you is reality to him is fantasy and what to do is fantasy to him is reality so when he's when he's forced to confront reality as it is he feels he's caught in the nightmare from which he cannot wake up except through the good services of a new intimate power and now let's transition to the psychopath contrary to the narcissist the psychopath has no emotions not end of story narcissists have emotions they're terrified of their own emotions so they isolate themselves from their emotions there are a few videos on my channel which deal with this psychopaths have no emotions they were born we now know with abnormalities in the brain extremely simple psychopathy very similar to schizophrenia bipolar disorder autism is a brain disorder it's slumped together for some utterly oblivious and incomprehensible reason it's slumped together with for example narcissism just because both of them are grandiose it's wrong psychopaths is correctly observed in 1942 psychopaths are actually a form they are very difficult to distinguish between them and let's say crazy people because they have a brain problem so they have no emotions what they have instead of emotions is steerings whims they're like zombies who receive electrical tiny electrical shocks and then it's like a frog in the in the biology lab you know the dead frog that you inject electricity and it jumps or it flexes its legs it's dead legs psychopath is dead dead inside dead outside it's a walking talking simulation of a human being it's a brilliant wonderful amazing simulation so it can convince you that it has empathy his emotions uh his healing is changing is it's it's a wonderful rendition of a perfect human being and it is this perfection that it is that is the first sign of trouble if he's too good to be true he's a psychopath and there are two types of psychopath essentially there's a mischievous psychopath i call it the collectly psychopath after harvey kleckley the father of the study of psychopathy together with kaplan so the mischievous psychopath i think has affinity with the secondary psychopath the secondary psychopath is capable of some rudimentary conscience empathy and emotions some a little and the secondary psychopath is about entertainment he is focused on having fun entertaining himself he's bored all the time he's bored and he's converting his his own life into a big theme park into a show in interminable show stand-up comedy show and other people are props so he uses you is likely to use you likely to compromise you to co-opt you brainwash you condition you idealize you addict you uh groom you you name it but he's doing all this in order to toy with you he likes to play with you and once he's done he's like a child in this sense he's not childish psychopaths are never childish unlike the narcissist but he behaves like a child so once he's done with you done i don't know dismantling you disassembling you breaking you apart putting you back together and nobody's you know toy with you essentially could be sex it could be just sex but once he's done with you he discards you exactly like a child discards an old toy in favor of a new one and it's all been about them today this kind of mischievous psychopath realizes that he cannot i mean you won't agree you rarely agree to participate in such a thing so he tells you stories exactly like the narcissist exactly like the narcissist who wants to engender a shared fantasy psychopath also would lie to you i don't know promise you love a romantic affair marriage a business partnership the second type of psychopath is goal oriented i call it the hair psychopath or the baby psychopath after the two scholars who dedicated their lives to studying this kind of support the goal-oriented psychopath also known as the primary psychopath his role he's uh he's goal-oriented the name implies so he wants something i don't know sex he wants money wants access he wants your contacts he wants your address book he wants uh he wants he wants to have he wants to team up with your friend not with you but he needs to go through you he wants to get something from your father but he needs to pretend that he's your lover so that your father gives him money he has something in mind he always has something in mind he's manipulative and he's going through all this exercise with you to captivate you so that he's able to manipulate so the first type the mischievous type wants to play with you he's a playmate psychopath and the second type is a goal-oriented psychopath he wants to use you he wants to exploit you and now we come to the borderline borderline is a very complex disorder it's a complex disorder because it has elements borrowed from [Music] other cluster b personality disorders it has the narcissist grandiosity it has the psychopath defiance and lack of impulse control it has object in constancy it has defense mechanisms which are typical of narcissists it has histrionic behavior for example hyper emotionality misjudging the nature and depth of intimacy and relationships so borderline is a kind of amalgam cocktail dictionary encyclopedia of all other cluster b personality disorders but coupled with coupled with elements which are typical of other clusters for example seriously dysregulated emotions modal ability which very often imitates bipolar disorder it's not but imitates bipolar disorder um irratibility and rage which are typical of some schizophrenics and paranoids the borderline in this sense is not a real clinical entity that's why when we look at borderlines we can divide them into types and subtypes and sub-subtypes and species and sub-sub-species it endlessly to the end to doomsday because each borderline has their own disorder it's a little like um you take a a woman most borderlines are women you take a woman and tell her okay go through the dsm and pick up you know as many traits characters characteristics and behaviors as you wish from any disorder that you want so no no borderline is identical to the other not one is identical to the other it's it's like if there's for example 100 million borderlines then there's a hundred million types of borderline personality disorder makes it extremely difficult for their intimate partners to cope with them to live with them to anticipate them to manage them to manage a relationship to communicate with them very difficult still of course all borderlines have a few things they share in common and within today's presentation what is important to understand it is that the borderline transitions cycles there's a borderline cycle she encounters some problem a frustration a real rejection and you imagined rejection and humiliation uh an abuse she's been abused or she thinks she has been abused a lot of the borderline borderline exactly like the narcissist is an impaired reality test and magical thinking so everything that happens in your head is actually reality i mean if if you think it must be so and so whenever i say rejection or humiliation or abuse or withholding or it could be real it could be imaginary or anticipated if she predicts it's going to happen and so she reacts to frustration not with aggression there is a classic hypothesis in 1939 by dollard that frustration breeds aggression it's true generally borderline's a bit different initially she reacts to aggression by becoming a narcissist she has grandiose by becoming simultaneously i'm sorry analysis and a secondary cycle simultaneously it's extremely unsettling to watch i've had the privilege or the misfortune of watching quite a few borderlines go through this it's it resembles to a very high degree the switching between personalities in someone with multiple personality disorder and that's why many many scholars suggest that borderline personality disorder is a dissociative identity disorder is a dissociative state so that the borderline has many self states they are not personalities they are not fed well developed but they are distinguishable and if you ever saw a borderline faced with frustration for example rejection or withholding or being ignored being abused you can see when you watch her you can see her changing metamorphosizing shape-shifting and then she kind of splits there's a part of her that becomes a narcissist and the second part becomes a secondary psychopath so as a narcissist she would suddenly become very grandiose with impaired reality testing this empathic borderlines are usually empathic but she would become then this empathic viciously and then as a secondary psychopath she would be called and calculated she would think how to hurt how to harm how to cause pain should become even a bit sadistic she would be defined she would have no impulse control she would not consider the consequences of her actions she would have zero object constancy out of sight out of mind and she would split you would become when she's a secondary psychopath in the narcissist simultaneously you become all bad a per secondary object to be eliminated to be destroyed to be devastated to be ruined to be smashed to be and and she she kind of runs herself into a frenzy and this frenzy is psychopathic friends anyone who has witnessed a psychopathic rage attack knows what i'm talking about at the same time she insists on her grandiosity as a defense against the frustration it's her way of defending exactly like the narcissist and so she is irresistible to both the narcissist and the psychopath the psychopath sees in her a perfect vessel for manipulation a container of his tactics but she's so easy so easy to manipulate all you need to do is press a few buttons kernberg and others suggested that it's a very disorganized personality very low level of organization very chaotic it's very easy to manipulate it and what the narcissist sees in her is a soul mate she's equally grandiose and she knows how to gratify him because she is also a narcissist in some ways and so borderline is very likely exactly like the codependent by the way these two types are very likely to agree willingly and lovingly and eagerly to participate in the narcissist shared fantasy and to submit themselves to a psychopath a primary cycle borderline feels safe with a primary psychopath because she has the personal experience of what it means to be a psychopath as a secondary psychopath she feels strong she feels empowered she feels in control she feels that she has the power to inflict pain rather than experience pain she feels she can disregulate other people situations so the primary psychopath is like her is what what she wants to be when she grows up is like an idol a rock star a the ideal that she aspires to in many ways makes her feel safe and protected and understood and taken to a new extreme or a new level elevated very often we find among for example couples who are serial killers we find one borderline in one's primary psychopath and on the other hand she's also open to participate in the shared fantasy of the narcissist he's a narcissist idealizer idealizes his intimate partner and caters to the borderline's grandiosity which is her main and only defense against dysregulation lability and utterly intolerable tolerable unbearable pain which drives close to 11 percent of borderlines to commit suicide so borderline finds both of them irresistible because both of them truly are her soul mates my name is sanbachny and i'm the author of malignant self-love narcissism revisited one last comment many of you women of course wrote to me i never cheated on my husband i never dreamt of cheating on my husband my husband the thought never crossed my mind allow me to disbelieve a lot of this but let's assume i believe you you should really really watch videos much more carefully i made very clear in my previous video that i'm giving cheating is an example of a cause for mortification i even mentioned explicitly that it doesn't have to be cheating it could be absconding with the family's money it can be other reckless behaviors i don't know unbridled shopping gambling pathological gambling or just packing up your things and disappearing which is an aggressive aggressive dysregulated act i mean there are many ways to modify a narcissist one of the most common ways is cheating and because nazis professor professed to be maximally mortified by cheating i took that as an example an idealized example but ladies please listen well before you make comments thank you

Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin

Views: 439,592

Keywords: love bombing, grooming, isolation, pain, hurt, defences, sex, romantic, workplace, unconscious, consciousness, ego, introversion, id, superego, sadist, sadism, humiliation, degradation, narcissistic supply, mortification, punishment, masochism, narcissist, borderline, shock, shame, guilt, fear, personality, false self, true self, grandiosity, splitting, needs, cheating, intimate partner, relationships, anxiety, morals, empathy, healing, trauma, self awareness, child, mother, fantasy, psychosis, delusion

Id: CTrEyx4hj_w

Length: 48min 20sec (2900 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 09 2020