Lately, you’ve been finding the allure of
affordable Swedish flat-pack furniture just too strong to resist. So, you mosey on down to the local Ikea superstore. You’ll get yourself some nice, new furniture,
and stop by the restaurant for some meatballs at lunch. What could possibly go wrong? Except, on your way to find the perfect Kleppstad
wardrobe, you find you’ve lost your way. And I mean really lost your way, you have
no idea where you are. You might have chalked it up to the confusing
store layout or your own terrible sense of direction, if it weren’t for the seven-foot-tall,
faceless monsters in Ikea uniforms wandering around. That’s because you’re not just trapped
in any Ikea, you’re trapped in SCP – 3008, the infinite Ikea! What started as a battle to not spend too
much money on shelving units has become a battle for your life and freedom, but don’t
worry. With our help, we can make sure your final
resting place isn’t an Ikea Tomrefjord bed. First, some important ground rules: This is
gonna be a little different to some of our other You Vs videos because, simply put, you
can’t defeat or kill SCP – 3008, only escape or survive it. Unlike a number of battles against the frightening
creatures and entities of the SCP Foundation, you won’t have foundation knowledge, personnel,
resources, or weapons to help you. So, no heavily armed SWAT teams or backup
Predator Drones. But don’t let that dishearten you. After all, you’ll be in the largest Ikea
known to man, so you won’t have to look far to find the comforts of home or potential
improvised weapons. But let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. After all, it doesn’t matter how many weapons
you have. If you don’t understand your enemy first,
an AK-47 might as well be a BB gun. SCP – 3008 is technically the umbrella term
for two different kinds of dangerous anomaly, both of which you’ll be facing up against
today: SCP – 3008 – 1 and SCP – 3008 – 2. SCP – 3008 – 1 is the specific term for
the anomalous section of the store you’re currently trapped in. The gateway to this particular area is always
situated in a seemingly normal Ikea superstore, and its size is estimated to be anywhere between
10 square kilometres and infinity itself. Thankfully, escape from this area isn’t
unprecedented, as The SCP Foundation has recorded at least fourteen successful escapes since
they first brought the area into containment. We won’t crush your spirits by telling you
how small a portion of the overall amount trapped inside that is, but it’s comforting
to know you at least have an above 0% chance of getting out of this situation alive. But the things that’ll make that a lot harder
are SCP – 3008 – 02, dangerous humanoid entities known to the prisoners of SCP – 3008
– 01 as “The Staff.” And while the thought of Ikea staff probably
brings to mind smiling, helpful people in yellow shirts and blue pants, that thought
couldn’t be more wrong here. Well, apart from the yellow shirts and blue
pants. These things still have those. The first thing you’re likely to notice
about The Staff inside of SCP – 3008 is their freakish proportions. They’re described as either being too tall
or too short, so you’ll have to be on the lookout above and below. The Staff also tend to have long, powerful
limbs with large hands that allow them to grab prey, such as yourself, at an impressive
distance. They also seem to lack any kind of facial
features, bones, blood, or internal organs. It seems less obvious than some of the other
advantages possessed by The Staff, like their strength or numerical superiority, but the
first thing they have on you is psychological. As a normal and at least somewhat sane human
being, seeing monsters without faces running around is likely going to be a shock to you. Even more than that, considering you’re
lost and disoriented, nobody could blame you for being afraid of The Staff, either. The problem here is that fear tends to either
lead to panic or hesitation. And if one or even a few of these things are
bearing down on you and you freeze up, even for a second, chances are that you’re probably
a goner. That’s why steeling your nerves, keeping
your wits about you, and cultivating a strong survival instinct is key to your survival
while trapped in SCP – 3008. And now, some good news, before you get it
into your head that you won’t be leaving this Ikea alive any time soon. While The Staff can be frightening and even
deadly in the right circumstances, they’re not in constant attack mode. Even though SCP – 3008 – 1 is entirely
indoors, the automatic lighting up above simulates periods of day and night. While The Staff are incredibly hostile during
the night time periods, they’re shown to be docile and unresponsive during the day. We still wouldn’t recommend attempting a
sneak attack on them during the day, as they’ve been known to react violently to attack at
all times, but you can at least use the daytime periods to prepare yourself for later combat. Not only can you use this time to get used
to seeing them, and thus reduce your fear of them during night time skirmishes, you
can also collect weapons, intel, and supplies while the creatures are docile. Then, when night falls, you’re ready to
fight. You’ll probably be happy to hear that, while
the creatures do wield impressive physical strength and seemingly unlimited numbers,
they only have the endurance of your average human. In other words, anything that can kill you
can also kill them, giving you a slightly more even playing field. This brings us to the fun part: Weapons. Luckily for you, seeing as you’re in a potentially
limitless version of one of the largest home retailers in the world, you have plenty of
options for arming yourself. While grabbing enough large, heavy objects
to turn yourself into a Swedish, flat-pack Conan The Barbarian may seem like a good idea,
we personally recommend keeping it a little simpler. Having a light loadout allows for speedy movement
and manoeuvrability, so what could be better than the blades of an Ikea 365+ three-piece
kitchen knife set and a sturdy claw hammer from the 17-piece Fixa tool kit? While trying to avoid The Staff at night is
probably your best option, if one of them does somehow end up getting all up-close and
personal, it likely won’t survive getting a kitchen knife rammed through its faceless
skull. Thankfully, you at least have the element
of stealth on your side, as Staff constantly repeat the phrase “The store is now closed,
please exit the building" while in attack mode. Even if you don’t have a chance to run and
hide, that’ll at least give you a window to warm up your hammering arm. Of course, while being able to go toe-to-toe
with The Staff is definitely an essential skill if you want to survive your SCP – 3008
experience, you can’t afford to stop there. After all, people can spend entire years trapped
in the store, and while you hope to be out of here a lot sooner than that, it’ll probably
dawn on you long before then that you can’t survive by eating knives and hammers. Thankfully, SCP – 3008 actually has you
covered here, as there appears to be multiple Ikea restaurants and food service areas where
supplies are periodically restocked. This is where you’ll need to restock if
you don’t want to starve before you even get a chance to escape. But you might think, “Can I really rely
on this? After all, with a place as easy to get lost
in as SCP – 3008, might it be whole days between finding adequate food supplies?” And good, that’s the kind of practical thinking
that’ll get you out of here alive. Thankfully, you can take some extra food with
you each time with the help of an Ikea Kylväska cooling bag and some Ikea Kylklamp cold packs. This will give you some rations to keep with
you during your travels and escape attempts, and will also give you some valuables to exchange
and trade. That’s right, because as luck would have
it, you’re far from the only one stuck in this weird, Swedish mess. There are actually so many people trapped
in SCP – 3008 that they’ve essentially been able to construct an entire new civilisation
inside the store. Whole townships and settlements have been
built and fortified entirely with Ikea furniture, full of thriving little populations doing
what they can to get by in this strange new world. If you’re thinking, “I don’t have time
to make friends, I want to get out of here as soon as possible”, you might as well
hand yourself over to The Staff now and get your mauling over with. As the old truism goes, “There’s safety
in numbers.” And even the luckiest people to escape SCP
– 3008 have, at the very least, spent a few weeks inside. In that time, unless you want to go insane
or die from exhaustion, you’re gonna need to sleep. If you try the lone wolf method and sleep
on one of the display beds out in the open, you’re extremely vulnerable to attacks from
The Staff while you sleep. But if you manage to get yourself to one of
the human settlements inside SCP – 3008 and start making some friends, you’ll have
the benefit of cover while you rest and sleep – so long as you’re willing to help return
the favour from time to time. People holed up in these fortified settlements
have observed that, at least a few nights each week, The Staff are likely to swarm and
attack said settlements in large numbers. When that happens, if you want to survive,
you’re gonna need to help your human allies hold the line against the oncoming horde of
faceless monsters by any means necessary. And after each battle, you’ll need to help
your new friends haul the Staff corpses to elsewhere in the store. Detecting even part of one of their own in
your settlement’s proximity can cause them to frenzy and launch even more brutal attacks,
which – as someone who wants to survive this whole thing – you really do not want. With all these other issues – from food
to social interaction and rest to successfully fighting off The Staff – squared away, it’s
time to move on to the main event: Actually escaping this place. As we stated before, while it isn’t easy,
it can be done – you just need to be both persistent and tactical about it. First of all, it’s best to communicate with
some of your fellow humans trapped in SCP – 3008, to see if any of them can recall
any memorable details about when they first entered the anomalous zone. Another key marker in attempting to escape
this place is SCP Foundation drones. The Foundation has been using remote-controlled
recon drones to explore the interior of SCP – 3008, and tracking the movements and directions
of these drones may make it a little easier to find a way out of here. Finally, it’s time to put boots on the ground
and actually find your way to one of the exits. It would be productive to team up with some
trusted humans and form an expedition party, allowing you to collectively carry more supplies
and defend one another if night falls and you’re left vulnerable to attacks from The
Staff. But in a place that could potentially be infinite,
and in a store with as confusing a layout as Ikea, how can you be sure you’re not
just walking around in circles? Simple. All you need to do is get your hands on plenty
of Ikea Behandla black glazing paint and some Ikea Fixa paint brushes. If you paint a black line down each aisle
you explore, you suddenly have a route that you can both double back on to a settlement
if necessary, and ensure you won’t be going in circles. Almost like the classic Hansel and Gretel
bread crumb trail. You can perform more expeditions every day,
pushing out a little further each time, covering and marking out more ground. If you follow the rest of the instructions
here, you’ll stay well-fed, well-rested, survive The Staff, and maybe even make some
friends, but most importantly, you’ll have a much higher chance of finally escaping this
flat-pack nightmare. There have been reports that the exit will
occasionally disappear and reappear, but don’t let that worry you. If you remain persistent and don’t let yourself
get disheartened, you’ll find that exit someday. When that eventually does happen, you and
your party will likely be greeted, detained, and debriefed by some SCP Foundation Field
Operatives. Once you’ve delivered all relevant information
over to them, you’ll be given SCP Foundation Amnestics and be made to forget the whole
thing ever even happened. The Foundation will transport you back to
your under-furnished room safe and sound, with nothing but a lingering thought that
it might just be better to do all your furniture shopping online in future… Check out our “You Vs” playlist for more
exciting videos on how to defeat some of pop culture’s biggest badasses, monsters, heroes,
and psychopaths.
