Women's Ministry Friday Evening Service

and then i am happy all the things [Music] huh [Music] let's see what else we got um oh no we'll get you straight now you see that guitar you know making more sense with what we're doing but you gotta fill in you know like you you keep how great [Music] how great is all gone he's great how great is our gone sing with me how great is our gun always see how green how great [Music] is [Music] of a king clothing majesty that all the world rejoice all the world rejoice he wrapped himself in line and darkness he tried to hide the beginning [Music] sing with me how great is our gone and lord see how great how great is our god [Music] you are worthy worthy to be praised and my heart will sing how great is all gone you the name the name the name the name name name above all names you are worthy night to be praise the lord and my heart will sing how great is all gone [Music] praise the lord praise the lord praise god finally by the grace of god we are beginning our program today i want to use this time to welcome everyone who is in church today and all our viewers all over the world we prayed we fasted and today has come to a reality and today we are beginning the weekend of end of violence and do you know what the theme is the theme is bringing peace to our homes bringing peace to our homes just to let our viewers know that this program is going to run for the whole weekend by the grace of god we are starting today september 17 and tomorrow will be here again 9 30 a.m and after that we have what we call our cyber school we are going to expose exactly what youth violence is what domestic abuse is about and we have anointed speakers who will be addressing these issues and also in the afternoon we will go deeper so everything you are going to listen to today is going to continue tomorrow and we are going to end on sunday with an empowerment breakfast so i want to welcome everyone with a beautiful smile thank you thank you for joining us this morning i read this and it says he says is at peace with god and his fellow men will not be miserable whoever is at peace with god and his fellow men will never be miserable and that's why today we are talking about bringing peace to our homes how can we achieve this and before we begin i'm just going to call on my beautiful sister sister florence castillo as she takes the opening prayer to begin this weekend event good evening everyone happy sabbath thank you for all for being here um and those are that are online we thank you all for joining us and i ask that um if you all can be reverently kneel so that we can invite the presence of god please all those that are able to kneel the most gracious father lords be to come before your presence this evening we lord lord we thank you for this wonderful sabbath day that you have given us we ask that lord that you would be with us if you would forgive us of anything that we may have said or done in our hearts to displease you father we thank you for blessing us to get through the week and we thank you lord that we're here in the house of the lord able to praise and worship you lord jesus i ask father we invite your holy presence to be here with us and invite your holy angels to be here with us and to remove any evil angel to father god that would disturb this service lord this weekend i ask that you will cover us with your precious blood bless all those that are here those that are on their way i ask that you grant them traveling mercies father god as you be with the speaker and those that will be leading out this evening father god that you would use them for your glory be with the speaker lord be her words tonight lord jesus as she speaks you would um just give her the words to say father god so that lord that our hearts would hear and receive what you have to say father we thank you for your many blessings we ask that you would cover the the uh av team as they are um doing it you know working the online service that everything will go well and pleasing to your site and lord we just thank you for all these things and we give you honor and glory and jesus let me pray amen [Music] it's the lord uh just for the benefit of those that are just joining us for the first time maybe in our church let me just introduce myself i am dr debola ola the woman ministry leader for eastern international seventh-day adventist church and you are free to worship with us anytime and especially on sabbath days so thank you for joining us again and i will just want to call on uh one of my sister right now sister taisha as we take the ice breaker but i can foster with sister miata though uh so that she can just lead us into our first icebreaker sister miata you're welcome so both of them will be doing this together hello everyone happy sabbath and welcome [Music] okay so i was asked to do icebreaker and i'm like what is that so um so i know most times people say oh you know tell you know get up say your name and something special about you so we decided we're going to have a little game and instead i thought there would be more people so so i hope i hope it will have fun okay so we're going to have miata give hand out some index card um okay so on the card we're gonna put um um a fun fact about us maybe we could draw a picture or something and then we're gonna go ahead and exchange the cards and then we're going to try to guess who the person is i know it'll be more fun with more people so um i guess we could go upstairs explain it some more okay so go ahead and um start writing some fun facts [Music] okay [Music] [Music] happy sabbath so we all know this weekend the program is about ending violence there are all kinds of violence and not only against women so we are proud of our men that are here tonight let's give them a hand of applause thank you everybody for being here this game really works with a lot of people but we will do what we can do and our sister taisha explained just write something about yourself don't put your name we want to know how well we know about each other or how well we know each other and you will exchange the card and whoever gets your card will read what you have written and then the crowd will guess who the card is from does that sound fun and that way we can get to know each other right and we have only one 15 minutes to do this so we're on a timer now we'll let you know when to stop so just write anything about yourself even if you were imagining it just write something [Music] [Music] you [Music] [Laughter] [Music] is [Music] are we ready to exchange the cards [Music] yes okay when you're done writing your fun facts just go around just give your card to anybody when we're gonna guess who it is it more than once okay yeah you can exchange it more than once so if you take the stella's card you can give it to somebody else and you know vice versa [Music] [Music] me [Music] you is be your friends [Music] oh [Music] [Laughter] [Music] do you have an extra mic no [Music] [Music] here i have in my hand jesus loves you jesus loves you jesus loves you she said jesus loves you okay who is that about [Music] jesus loves us all right so who can we [Music] let's guess who wrote that jesus loves you is it mr beta sister florence sister alive yes sister alice jesus loves us oh thank you for reminding us this evening joanna whose car do you have what does it say it says the j and the o and the n i wonder who would that be can anybody guess who that would be oh okay anyone else um let's see okay let us have the speaker for tonight it says god is good to me he sees me through in all my problems and he covers me with his blood now and always and there's a picture who would that be aberrenchy says sunflowers we can't guess who wrote that jessica we can guess who wrote that okay if you know you wrote that please raise your hand okay okay sister florence you're next [Music] cooking is not my strong suit that's me i'm god's favorite cooking is i could say if i had rating a car would say that's me because i don't like to cook is not my strong suit the queen said she didn't write i didn't write anything we can guess who it is is it the speaker is it no sister uchachi no she can cook [Laughter] yes okay sister oliver praise god i am 10 years old i have four siblings i am in fifth grade a barachi no wrong that's you oh you did it [Music] i remember his name my name is sheedy chidi is 10 years old he has four siblings and you are in eighth grade wonderful sister nevine what do you have [Music] i love playing the guitar and there's a little heart [Music] jessica [Laughter] okay jessica what do you have [Music] [Music] okay i enjoy music i like to color i have fear of speaking at times i'm gonna guess um one of chitty's sibling no okay [Music] no brother sean i have i love mangoes and corn [Music] no no i guess david adams he likes to go corn yes no they didn't write anything yes this sister naveen yes yes it was her yes yes she was the one okay anyone else who did we miss sister uchechi yes good evening i have a sabbath the person that wrote this have to correct me if i read it wrong former break dancer national champion forgot now to throw a word what happened so you don't have to worry former brake dancer who's the former brake dancer here we're trying to get to know each other brother sean okay maybe we could do some moves for us [Music] everybody already read their cards no i wonder yes [Music] exercising like cooking baking laughing helping those in need spending time with family exercising cooking helping those in need [Music] [Music] okay i have long hair i have four siblings my sister i got baptized at 13 i and i'm in ninth grade freshman i'm [Music] very friendly i'm i am second i got baptized at 13. [Music] i guess it's him [Music] um it just only happens to say only like one thing which says i have four siblings [Music] oh can you hear me now yes thank you so um it just only happens to said one thing like i've said it just says i have um i have four siblings hibernity he wrote it he wrote it i think he wrote it [Laughter] well thank you thank you guys that was fun right yay okay you know but um to you know to wrap it wrap things up here you know you you look to your left you can look to your right and you can see you know there are women sitting right beside you or you know family members sitting right beside you who has experienced violent violence and you know abuse so it's you know this weekend we are glad to be here to be informed how you know as families and ending violence in the in the family so yeah and to also be encouraged to speak up you cannot get help if nobody knows what's happening in your life so i hope we learn this weekend and i hope whatever we learn will be of great help to us thank you everybody happy sabbath [Music] happy sabbath church family thank you sister taisha and sister miata for that icebreaker activity that we have i'll be singing a song tonight titled ice renderall from the hymnbook [Music] i surrender [Music] [Applause] i will never [Music] in his presence [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] is jesus take me [Music] [Music] i surrendered [Music] [Music] surrender amen [Music] [Music] so [Music] happy sabbath everyone my name is aratola brimo and i'm here to introduce um tamir bird for tonight's program as well as for the whole weekend also so just a little bit about tamira bird she has had um about 10 years in the ministry dealing with divorce affairs abuse and just understanding the complications that can arise whenever people marry from two separate faiths as well she also has a lot of experience with youth especially troubled youth that are dealing with depression for over the past 20 years i would ask all of you guys to be open-minded to understand all of the information that she's sharing and also this also extends to men as well is not only a woman's world where people are being harmed and hurt this can happen to anybody so if you are listening and you feel any form of conviction any form of doubts and whatnot that might be your time to speak up it might be a difficult thing to do to say something but it will mean the world for yourself and those around you whenever you take that moment to be courageous so let us welcome to mary bird with open arms open hearts and open ears good evening happy sabbath to those here and online i i'm happy to be here as we were doing the icebreaker there was one that said i like to draw and i like to did i get a stage fright once in a while and that was me but god knows why he has me speaking and so i trust him every time i stand here in front of people and talk that being said this weekend it is a subject about violence and it is violence for children men and women some of the subjects that i will be talking about may be sensitive to little ones so parents i'm letting you know that if you have children under the age of 10 i'll leave it up to your discretion but it will be very sensitive subjects that we'll be discussing i encourage for teenagers and adolescents adolescents is age 10 and older to stay again discretion to the parents because they do experience violence as well so i will go ahead and start with prayer and then we'll proceed let us pray heavenly father thank you because you're merciful and you're graceful you watch over us and you protect us and in the middle of chaos lord we know that we have hope in you and we can find strength and courage in you and we can find the truth about our self-worth in your in your word in the bible and lord focusing on that then my desire at this moment is that if anyone is hearing and needs the courage that they find their self-worth according to what the scripture says that they are your children and that you die for them and that you sanctify them meanwhile fill me with your holy spirit lord and let us just enjoy your presence today in your name i pray and i ask amen okay so the first question i have for you is when you hear the word violence what do you think about do you think about an act being committed towards another person do you think about murder rape abduction sex trafficking do you think about yourself your children your spouse your elderly parents do you think about the insidious types of violence and what are they if you're not sure i ask that you stay tuned and again this is a subject that is going to cover children adult spouse husband wife everything so everybody is included and i will answer these questions and more as we proceed through the weekend so before we start i want to clarify that sometimes we hear violence and crime together and that's not necessarily the case not every crime is a violent act and not every violent act is a crime and to start with the clear part i want to go ahead and start with the definition of what violence is so i'm going to go ahead and give you a background so we can understand with clarity what violence is then we'll go over the types of violence and then we're going to abuse and then we'll start applying it to children elderly adults and domestic violence so the definition of violence is something that is hard to put words to because if we look at it from a global perspective it varies by culture and by religion and so in 2002 the world report on violence and health and who decided to come up with a global definition that today is still being used so the definition is the intentional use of physical force or power threatened or actual against oneself another person against a group or community that either results in or has a high likelihood of resulting in injury death psychological harm mild development or deprivation this definition is interesting because when you think about violence you normally think it's an act against a person that causes death but if you look at it it says physical force and power or power threatened an actual and then has a high likelihood of resulting in injury so it expands violence a little bit more than just physical harm and that's important when it comes to children and we'll find out as we go on let's look at the different types of violence so depending where you go violence can be divided into many categories but for the simplicity of this lecture we're going to go into three subcategories of violence and they are self-inflicted interpersonal and collective self is pretty much explanatory is violence against oneself you commit the harm to yourself whether it's through cutting whether it's through self-mutilation and it includes also suicidal attempt and completion of suicide then you have the interpersonal which is the next inflicted by another person and that goes down into two categories in the interpersonal we have the family violence i.e domestic violence and we have what is called community violence so family violence is an act of violence between family members and and and also a spouse or partner and then the community violence is a act of violence committed by an individual who is not related to you but you may or may not know this individual so under these three categories we will look at the types of violence and and again i'm educating you so we understand and we're on the same page and then we'll go into the different forms so types of violence we're aware with physical violence is then you have sexual violence sexual violence here is important you need to have consent if the person is unable to give consent because they're either inaugurated have been drinking too much they've been drugged or they are under the influence of a drug or they're an elderly with dementia or a minor who's not able to give consent all of that is important there if they're not able to give consent any act of sexual act that you try to perform on the individuals consider sexual abuse and under sexual abuse you also have non-contact sexual violence how many of you know what that is anyone i have a hand in the back yes so she said any type of sexual violence it does not include penetration or touching of sores and that is correct so that goes down to pornography being forced to watch it and perform it and it and and it also includes having you do certain actions with a third party even though they're not there but they're watching you okay so the non-contact is when you're involving a third party watching certain activities when you're forced to watch pornography and perform ceramics on yourself and it also includes when someone flashes you i.e whether they they expose themselves to you in the private areas even though there's no touching that is included under that definition of sexual violence with psychological violence i put two next to it i don't know can you guys see the slides it can you guys see those slides okay so psychological violence i put two next to it which is the emotional and then the other one is verbal abuse because those two contribute to psychological violence so if you look at the definition of psychological violence it is like it is the use of verbal and non-verbal communication with the intent to harm and to harm and their there's a miscrit to harm them basically to harm somebody mentally or emotionally okay so you use verbal abuse to create the emotional abuse which leads to the psychological abuse are we fi are you following me or did i lose you verbal abuse is the use of words written or spoken to harm somebody emotional abuse steals you of your self-worth and the last two are spiritual and cultural so spiritual violence is violence that is used when someone uses an individual's spiritual belief to manipulate dominate or control that person and this is very essential when it comes to marriage because a lot of times what i hear is that based on their culture the woman and the husband depending on who's the dominant partner in that relationship in today's time is a little bit different may be subjugated under their cultural or spiritual belief so when it comes to spiritual violence the older the religion the more likely you are to be experiencing this type of violence because the older the religion the more traditional it is and the same thing goes for the culture the more traditional the more likelihood you are to experience cultural violence which is defined up there as it occurs when an individual is harmed as a result of practice that are part of his or her culture religion or tradition and it'd be may be part of his or hers but not necessarily the other partners okay so these are the type of violence there's six of them and under these you have the abuse so you have child abuse which includes neglect and abandonment you have social abuse financial intellectual and neglect so who knows what intellectual violence is uh besides reading it up there how many of you have heard of that have you ever been told that you're stupid that you don't know what you're talking about that's intellectual abuse okay the only one that i don't have up there is cyber bullying cyber bullying is something that we are experiencing more and more and more as we become a society of media and online and internet with our ipads and our phones and that includes any form whether it's email texting chat and posting pictures about someone that they don't want you to post or posting mean comments about someone we're experiencing that more and more with children and young adults as we become a media a media driven society and going back to social abuse part of that leaks into this because in some countries they have what's called a social score and based on your popularity you have a social score and so here is translated to how many likes you have and all of these have consequences which we'll discuss later so let's talk about children violence and abuse now that we have looked at the types of violence and we understand abuse so in this subject i'm going to talk to you about two things violence committed towards children and violence committed by children and that's the two things we'll discuss today this is a very important topic because our society is becoming less and less god-driven and more and more man-driven as we see god being displaced man comes in and as you see that the heart of man what draws what does the bible say about the heart of man yes and so i can tell you growing up i didn't see a lot of fights and i felt pretty safe in my community playing around now in the clinic when i children come in for the school physical or whatever they come in we have to evaluate children at the age of nine for depression anxiety and abuse and i don't remember having a friend i don't know about you guys at age of nine that was depressed we were outside playing we were happy we felt safe so we are changing as a culture and because we are changing things are changing children are being forced to face adult topics very early on and i say that because i have a six-year-old and i have found myself having to talk to him about things that i don't feel is appropriate but i have to because of the world we live in at six years she'll enjoy life and not have to worry about what is proper touch and wrong touch what it is to be bullied and what it is to have a friend friend enemy and all these terms that are coming up you know and as christian homes we have to value what it is to have protect the children because god has called us to do so and this goes not only for parents for moms but also father both mom and father that role is essential in protecting the children so let's read the definition is this is this on hello is this on can you can you hear me on this mic you can okay i guess i can hear myself so if someone i'll be on this one but i want a mic on the floor if possible is it on okay testing all right can somebody read the definition that is up there for me children violence and abuse did you know that children in the united states are more likely to be exposed to violence and crime than are adults that juveniles and young adults ages 12 to 19 were more than twice as likely to be victims of violent crimes as the population as a whole i don't know about you but when i read this i was very surprised very surprised the children experience violence and crimes at 43 if you want to give it a number and at the age of 12 to 19 they experienced twice as likely to become victims of violence than adults children 12 to 19. and these statistics are the same everywhere i went so what does that tell you about our society if satan cannot keep you from coming to church how can he destroy the church he can destroy it from within right if he destroys the home if he destroys the future then what is left so we're talking about the future and this is what they're experiencing children are exposed to violent they are exposed to violent every day in their homes school and community children dating are experiencing more violence within their dating experiences than before they may be slapped they may get a hair pulled they may be pushed they may be fun of their bodies the way they are they may be secluded or or kept from other friends this is adolescent teenager dating and they are bullied by classmates and they're abused by adults so you have abuse at home abuse at school and then they experience community violence by watching maybe being witness to a violence they that they saw that's not every child but look at the statistic up here twice as likely children that are exposed to violent behavior or experience violent acts against themselves experience difficulty with attachment regression anxiety depression they if your child is a happy child and suddenly comes home and doesn't want to eat doesn't want to go to school there's a change in behavior they start wetting their bed they don't want to bathe they don't want to be touched they don't want to be hugged those are all warning signs so i want us to look and i'm going to pull it up in a minute the pattern of exposure to violence by age ie so that's what i'm trying to say by this there's certain pattern of violence that they experience more at ceremonies and we're going to go into that in a minute so these are the forms of child abuse physical sexual emotional neglect and abandonment and it says one in seven children experienced child abuse and neglect in the last year one in seven how many children we have here one two three four five six seven eight nine out of the seven let's excluding the two one of these children according to the statistics have experienced some form of child abuse sitting right here and we're gonna discuss is not what we always think it's not the whole you know it can be very subtle and that's what we're going to discuss so by age can you can somebody read the infancy one for me and that's from age zero to two infancy one all the way to the left if you can if not that's fine the most common victimization during this period of the age of zero to two is what what do they encounter the most um age eight two to five zero to two assault by a sibling the last one okay the last this one most common most okay most common victimization during the infancy period that's h02 during the infancy period with this one assault by sibling assault with no weapon or injury and witnessing family assault yes that's what they witnessed the most at this age what do they witness most at toddler years age two to five no weapon or injury with no weapon or injury and that's bullying physical bullying physical bullying witness family assault so as you can see in infancy you have these tunneler you have the same here and we add bullying these are toddlers and i see it i see it when i take my child to the park and i see it when i speak to children who are for and are not speaking and i have to assess them why is there having a developmental delay you know and they're telling me they're getting abused or they're getting bullied and when i ask who's bullying them you'd be surprised who's the bully is normally a sibling an adolescent sibling from the ages of 12 and up then we go to middle childhood ages six to nine eight six to nine peak risk period for assault by a sibling assault with no weapon or injury bullying physical and emotional bullying right so now we're adding emotional bullying emotional salt so it's the same we keep adding we're just adding but here we have assault by a sibling at what age six to nine take risk when i talk about children committing violence we're gonna go back to the age of six to nine all right so the next one this this one here is adolescence age 10 to 13 and it says what do we see here with a weapon central harassment kidnapping witnessing family assault family assault women um intimate partner do you remember what inter-parental is basically you're seeing a parent abuse another parent this is this age 10 to 13. assault with a weapon it could be a gun it could be a knife it could be a tube it could be a bat sexual harassment kidnapping shows up here and then you witness family assault and intimate partner so this intimate partner here it goes back to the dating children who start dating early experience tend to experience violence earlier and because they're not ready for the emotions that their experience they're trying to be adults and then they think they can handle the emotions that they're feeling and in the frustration they act out and they hurt the other one whether it's physical mental emotional psychological but it's still abuse one in four girls and one and how many boys 13 boys this number has dropped for boys i don't know if it's the fact that we're reporting it more or if it's because it is a change in sexual attitude in our society so i'm gonna give you an example and this is why i say that it may be a little bit too much for the little ones but i have a half sister and she had she has a boy who's now grown but um at age 10 he went to visit his friend his friend's brother assaulted him this is somebody they know they've been families for a long time the kids grew up together his friend's brother who's older assaulted him more and more we're seeing assault to children by children so their scope of assault has grown and it's being is and we're seeing women also committing assault on children as you have heard in the past media teachers having relationships with students even though they think it's consensual but it's not so this is the world this is what the children are being exposed to when they go to school and they're out of your reach what happens a lot of times does not come back to you these are the statistics of what's going on boys 1 out of 13 and it is considered that is under reported so if it's under reported for both just imagine the numbers that if it were i don't even want to think about it girls aged 6 to 19 are four times more likely to be victims of rape attempted rape or sexual assault 16 to 19. four times more i have a young lady who came to visit me in the clinic she went to a party she's in that age group she was with her friends her mom trusts her i know the family very well the young lady is pretty she's a smart student she has straight a's i talk with her she has her head pretty you know her head on straight but you know you go with friends she comes over because she has a rash in her face and she's not sure what it is and she says she was at this party and that she doesn't remember some things about the party and she wasn't really drinking she just took a drink that somebody gave it to her unfortunately for this young lady i had to tell her she had a sexually transmitted infection and i had to test her for everything else and i had to break the news to her mom i asked her where were you friends and they said she tells me the story goes on they saw me go in a room with some stranger but they didn't say anything and as the story evolves the stranger was a homeless person that nobody knew and i said well why would your friends not grab you i don't understand i mean i wouldn't even call them friends at this time because i'm telling you if my friend is going into a room i'm first going to grab her i don't care who it is but a stranger who they all seem to think was some homeless guy and now i have to sit down and explain to her you have to monitor every so often you have to come back we have to keep testing to make sure you're clear this is a straight a student i she had so many visitations that year with me and she wasn't sure what she if she wanted to go to college because she was so afraid and she had scholarships so we have to be involved in our children's life we have to try our best and even then some things just you know are out of our control i'm not telling you lock down your children they need to be children they need to enjoy life they need to have a balance but we have to be aware of our surrounding and the world we're living in this is where i say you may be surprised what qualifies as child sexual abuse exhibitionism which is exposing a minor to a private area fondling intercourse masturbation in the presence of a minor or making the minor do it themselves obscene phone calls text messages or digital interactions this is important this is the world we live in this is the day of cell phones how many children have cell phones here how old are you 14 and how old are you 16. anybody else has a cell phone or a tablet where they can text avanice she's 10 years old she has a tablet she can text phone calls text messages digital interaction producing or owning or sharing porn sex of any kind with any of these sex trafficking did you know that we live in one of the highest rates in houston we is one of the highest numbers of sex trafficking in the united states did you guys know that i had to i recently had to we had to reboard every so many years before i could submit for my license i had to take a sex trafficking sex trafficking class so that i can identify that in the patients as they come in without that i couldn't get my boards so that's the new mandate houston is one of if not the it's one of the highest cities with sex trafficking and what age was that that we talked about do you guys remember any other sexual conduct that is harmful to a children to a child's mental emotional or physical welfare any sexual conduct falls under this the effects of child sexual abuse can be long lasting and affects the victims in a mental's health increasing their risk and making them four times more likely to develop symptoms of drug abuse four times more likely to have ptsd post traumatic stress disorder and three times more likely to experience depression the list actually goes on they're more likely to fall into abusive relationship they're more likely to repeat the pattern they're more likely to become the offenders so where does it begin if you read this lie can you tell me where it begins where the sexual abuse begins anybody who wants to answer is fine 90 how many percent 93 are known to the child and out of that 93 how many is a family member 34 percent is a family member or a relative percent are strangers so what happened to the stranger danger did it go up or go down it went down what went up instead of stranger danger it should be called what family danger i mean sounds funny but that's where we are and again i cross reference all the statistics and they're all in about that range 93 94 95. so now we go from being unto the child to youth violence can it youth violence is the intentional use of physical force or power or threatened or harm other others by young people at what age 10 to 24 10 to 24. again remember the definition of violence when we looked at it it was physical harm or the threaten right power or high likelihood it's still the same thing here but this is youth violence this is the youth committing the violence and it's in this age of 10 to 24 so we flip from the child being abused to now the child being the abuser this also includes bullying and cyber bullying and just to give you an idea this is very essential for kids whether it's bullying or cyber bullying it can be in any of these forms physical verbal relational and damage to property damage to property would be a kid bullying somebody in school and taking their bike and kicking it or throwing it and trashing it social would be when they are in in schools they have their clicks and they you're the outcast so that's what they're defining defining it as now um so and then you know the verbal and the physical it's we are aware of those three most violent youth begin their violence in adolescence age 10 and up adolescence most youth who are violent begin their violence in adolescence who's 10 who was 10 you're 10. come up what's your name chidi 10 what grade are you in fifth grade start at age 10. he is not but this would be the face of a i'm not saying he is i'm just giving you a picture of what age is stuck this is 10 years old you're 10 too that's 10. [Laughter] she was raising her hand for those that are watching us online she was raising her hand so how do you like school pretty good do you have any issues in school no no nobody bothers you anybody teases you no you're enjoying life right do you think that you would be up there consider a violent person no no right you that that's way beyond your mind and do you ever think that your friend will ever do anything to hurt you no not really no not really thank you you see that [Music] he would never think a friend would hurt him and i'm glad he's had that experience that's a beautiful experience unfortunately for some children that's not the case but that's the face of a 10 year old if you read on it says however the youth who commits most of the violent acts who commits the most serious violent acts and who continues their violent behavior beyond adolescent begin during childhood so are we going up or down in age childhood adolescents 10 and up childhood is going down let me read that to you again however the youths who commit most of the violent act who commit the most serious violent acts and who continue their violent behavior beyond adolescence begin during childhood below 10. serious violence begins mostly between the ages of 12 and 20. peaking at what age 15 and 16. those are your teenagers speaking at that age this is just violent act murder is included in there but the peak for murder is different except for murder which peaks at what age 20 to 24. so let's read this again serious violent acts they're right here this is what is defined as serious aggravated assault robbery gang fights or rape that's what is considered serious beginning at age 12 to 20 peak 15 to 16 except for murder which peaks at 20 to 24. how many of you knew that how many of you thought that most murders were committed by older people if you do a show of hands show hands how many knew they thought that murder was committed by older people okay only two so everybody else knew this then because how many of you knew that it peaks at the age of 15 to 16. how old are you girls 14 12 11. have you guys experienced anything bullying what were you gonna say just a little do you mind sharing it's okay if you want like i had a group of friends and they would like like they'll be like ill your jeans like it wouldn't match their own so they would like just make fun and stuff or like um oh like when they'll say like they'll talk about you to other people because that's happened like i think in fifth grade because i'm in sixth grade now so in fifth grade like they'll talk about you and stuff to other people and rumors do you girls have phones or tablets yes do you ever get nasty messages one said sometimes one said no the other said no not to put them on the spot but that's the you know bullying and one of them gets nasty messages are you guys on social media a lot sometimes do you look at your friends and your likes yes they look at their friends and their likes thank you so going back to the profile of violent children peaking in the 15 and murder peaks in the 20-24 this is your face of your murder who anybody here age 20 to 24 right in the back okay the young lady in the back is age 20 to 24. that's the face of the person who will peak and so this is the highest in the united states the highest number of people that commit murder are in this age group so not only that it peaks they actually have the highest number of people that do murder followed third place 17-19 looking at your let me repeat that if you're looking at statistics of the of the united states not children the united states age 20 to 24 has the highest rate of murder third place 17-19 again this is the people that actually commit most the most of the murders in the us first place third place according to who world health organization two hundred thousand homicides among youth aged 10 to 25 occur each year this is what percent 43 percent of annual global global homicide we're not talking about the united states we're talking about global 43 homicide is the third leading cause of death among what age group 10 to 29. it used to be fourth it just got updated to third leading cause death 85 are male victims and for each youth killed many more are injured up to 24 percent of women report their first sexual experience was forced 24 percent and as we know it has impact in the physical psychological and social function and it increases cost and decreases property value what what does it say here can someone read that very out loud and clear violent behavior in a child of any age always needs to be taken seriously it shall not be quickly dismissed as just a face they're going through violent behavior any age should not be taken lightly at all because you don't know where that's going to lead let me so one of the stories that uh i had to read was about a 10 year old a mom babysitting at this little girl and she's always babysat her and she was fine and she has a 14 year old son the 14 year old she decided this one time to go upstairs and leave the baby with the 14 year old son the next thing you hear is the babies they're playing they're laughing and then you hear screaming and so forth and the mom figured okay it's just something that happened she didn't come down a few minutes later the child goes up and tells her that she needs to come down when she comes down the child is unconscious this isn't a a baby a toddler she asked him what happens and he said oh that um he was playing with her and she hit her head so they take her by the time she arrives she's pronounced meaning that she's dead and when they do an autopsy on the child they find that the child had received multiple trauma to the chest to the point that it injured her organs what happened the child was jumping on the baby when asked the mother if the child had shown behavior prior to this she said exactly that i thought he was going through just the face and that it was normal for my child to have a little bit of issues with violence it is normal for a toddler to have a tantrum that is very normal we talk about toddlers what is not normal is children six and over to be having violent behavior that should be attributed to smaller kids because they are smaller kids are in their primitive instinct and they have a hard time controlling that and expressing their emotions and as you age you should be able to control those emotions and be able to find ways to express those and parents should help facilitate them express those emotions a child who cannot control his primitive instinct from age six and up needs to be addressed most of the time what you will see is that they will have explosive temp explosive temperament or tantrums again is normal for toddlers so don't attribute that to toddlers physical aggression threats or attempts including thoughts of wanting to kill others use a weapon cruelty towards animal fire setting there's a direct correlation with fire setting and deviant behavior direct intentional destruction of property and vandalism those are the traits that you start to look for in a child and they call they fall in the same part of warning behavior intense anger this child will go from zero to anger in from from happy to anger and zero to two i mean it's just like this frequent loss of temper and blow ups ever they're you can't talk to this when they're at their peak they're irritable and they're sensitive so if you find that your child you're talking to their child and they seem to be very sensitive and they're able you may want to get to the bottom of what's going on it's not necessarily that they're going to be violent it could be that something is happening to them a lot of times most of these children are experiencing a traumatic event and therefore they become like this becoming frustrated easily frustrating making threats like you said before talking writing and drawing about death and violence and withdrawal from friends and family and professional activities this right here talking writing and drawing i have kids who come in and again i evaluate them and so there's one child that i i am with we had to refer out when i met him he was very nice very pleasant but every time we talked he kept talking about this violent movies violent movies violent movies violent movies violent acts very negative very pessimistic so i sat down and i asked the mom is he always focused on these things and she goes yes does he ever say anything positive she said not really so when i met with him the second time i said i'm going to give you a task when i see you next time i want you to give me three positive things he agreed when he came back he said i had i had long hair and i cut my hair so he didn't recognize me and i told him it's me and he started laughing and then he's like oh you cut your hair and i said give me the three positive things and he goes oh i thought i was going to be get away with it because i didn't know you were the one that i saw before because i wore the mask and i thought you forgot so when he gave me three positive things he said i'm glad this movie came out the movie was a very violent movie so even though it's positive it's still focused on violent movies i'm glad that we that people are not dying anymore again within the context he's still using death and violence and i'm glad that this video game came out violent video game i asked him what video game violent video came i said okay i'm glad you tried next time you come i want you to tell me three positive things that have nothing to do with video games movies or violence it has to be something like go outside look at nature tell me something beautiful so when he came back i sat him down and he said he was unable to do so so i sat down with his mom we i asked her a few questions and i said he needs to be referred there's a minor in the in the household who is four years old i said this 12 year old needs to be referred for evaluation just to make sure fixation on negative things violent things should be a key that something's going on with your child it's not necessarily that he is going to be a violent kid or act out but normally it's a sign and normally there's a trigger a lot of the times if you read the statistics about children who are violent they themselves have experienced some form of violence but you don't want to wait till it's too late where the child does something to someone else early intervention is key so preventative measure there's a list of preventative measures but i think these are important family education which is something like what we're talking about now creating awareness is essential and community awareness and the schools are becoming more aware of the bullying and so forth is essential taking your child to see their physician it's important because when we sit down and we talk to the child and we ask them questions they tend to be very truthful for most part and in the screening process we will pick up cues that can help facilitate a child in need most of the time i pick them up and i pick up these cues when i'm doing their physical as i'm talking to them i'm asking how is school did you like it how is home and things like that and they're just talking you have to have that connection obviously if not the child won't speak to you but if they have a physician that they've seen for a period of time they will build that bond and they will open up far too often the most violent place for children is the home as we saw with child abuse 93 percent of the abuse occurred by a family member or relative all children have the right to grow up safe from harm neglect and abuse to grow develop and thrive children need to feel safe and secure it's never okay okay to harm a child no matter how you're feeling and this is applied to mom dad siblings and children acting out on other children so it applies to everybody it's never okay i know we get tired i know we get frustrated i know where with our lives is busy and we keep going and going and sometimes we're at our max if you can step away walk away ask the child to give you some time if you're seeing it happen from your spouse and you have a healthy relationship speak to the spouse if you see the child doing it pull the child aside give him the benefit the benefit of the doubt speak to them ask them what's going on why are you frustrated why are you behaving this way because if you lash out at the child you are promoting the same violence that the child is about to do and oftentimes children's are mirror of what goes on in the house okay so i tell parents if something's going on maybe you need to stop pause and reflect on what it is that's going on in the home in your family dynamics that may be feeding into this behavior as they do mirror what they see that's not always the case but again most often than not it is in the home setting or family member so home is not safe when a child is neglected neglected emotionally physically and spiritually home is not safe when a child is watching repeat that again watching one parent abuse the other a child is not safe when we're friends a child is not safe this one is very important these are obvious but this here living in fear of harsh words or criticism especially from your parents especially from your siblings that creates such a psychological effect on these children that i don't even know that we can imagine children have a lot of stress they want to come home and feel safe they want to be able more than ever to talk to you about their day but if they're afraid of you because of criticism or you're going to blame them for what's happening they will never talk to you and this issue will never get resolved harsh words just like us we don't like harsh words if your significant other insults you puts you down belittles you and you are an adult and you don't like it imagine a child what's the other one shamed and controlled after making mistakes what does it say there shame shamed shamed that goes back to harsh words right next do you see a pattern forming next one not free to express emotions and concerns all right i want to talk about this a little bit i come from a hispanic background i am familiar with different cultures a lot of times when a child misbehave we tend to tell them to sit down and you discipline the child and the child doesn't have a a moment to explain why because what i hear is he's a child i'm an adult sit down you did this bad and that's it okay but let's go to something as simple as an incident that occurred with my six-year-old which is right there he's sitting right there we were at church and one of my closest friends was in the classroom with them and i don't know what was going on because i was in the front and i normally stay with them in the classroom but i had to go to the front all i know is that when i came back there was a lot of commotion and she was upset because he was rude to her and he didn't apologize so at that moment she expected me to grab my child tell him what he did wrong and force an apology out of him towards her and i love her very dearly but i i was i was not able to do that i wasn't going to do that because at that moment the child is frustrated and angry so i took him to the side either a hurricane is coming or a child's been abducted which one is it is an abduction speaking of violence towards children the phone is going off for those of you that are online all the phones are going off so i was wondering which one it was and it happens to be an abduction so going back to the story i was not willing to push my child in a situation where he's already frustrated he's angry and make him to give a forced apology why because that purpo that behavior there starts to engrave in their mind and they carry that into adulthood and then the apology is not sincere and it's not genuine how many of us don't like it when somebody makes wrongs us and you feel like their apology is not sincere how many of us i would say most of us right it stems from the practice of making children apologize before they're ready when a child is upset which i did with my child i pulled him to the side after he calmed down i said what happened one i'm giving him the benefit of the doubt i'm opening the channels to build trust and for communication which is what we're on that subject he tells me that he was doing something and she screamed at him and because she screamed at him and he didn't like her he screamed at her so i had taught him to defend himself but you have to do no you know he's small he didn't know so i said to him okay what were you doing and he told me what he was doing and i said okay because i i tell them screaming is not good telling people to hush is not good there's other ways to communicate that so then once he calmed down i said so you didn't like her screaming at you but you screamed at her do you think she liked that and he said no and i asked him why because i didn't like her screaming at me did she hurt your feelings when she screamed at you he said yes and i think how do you think she felt when you screamed at her and i said do you think you have something to say to her he said yes and this all happened within 15 minutes by that time he went back he talked i didn't tell him why i just asked him if he had something to say he said yes i said go say it i don't know what he was going to say i went followed him he went up to her he said i am sorry for screaming at you allow your children to be able to express what is frustrating them what is going on with them if it needs to be corrected then you correct it but if you allow them to get to tell you and then you can correct the behavior in a positive way he will learn that to give a sincere apology you have to be ready to do so and give it and not just give it because it's expected because i don't like expected apologies don't give me one i rather you be sincere okay so that was express emotions and concerns what's the next one silenced from asking spiritual questions yes again i have visited different churches and not been pointing anything out i have heard children come up to ask an adult a question that they heard in the church or somewhere and the two of those are talking and this is the response hush be quiet sit down the adults are talking how many of you have heard that yes hush be quiet sit down the adults are talking so i have adults raising their hands and i have children raising their hand if a child can't come to you and ask you spiritual questions because the adults are talking don't ask me why they're no longer in church okay you are their go-to person if you're not accessible to your child he's gonna get the information from someone else and trust me you don't want that someone else giving the information especially if you don't know that person or that child may get it from his peers if they're older and that peer may be misinformed the parents have to be accessible for the child to be able to express their emotions and ask spiritual questions i know culture plays a big role but that's not an excuse this is how we done it we're going to do it again no we learn we evolve we grow and if you don't believe in that the scriptures calls us to come up from our sinful state and to be in the spirit and to be in god and to let the old man die and we come to be born anew in christ right if god told you to hush if god didn't have time for your emotional needs if god didn't care for you where would your salvation be would he die for you on the cross so if he took the time to do that for you don't you think you should take the time to do that for your child and he died for that child his blood covers the child observing males observing males use power to exploit or demean females this is what we call perpetuating the role they observe it they repeat it and they carry it on into their adult relationships it's not easy when you try to balance a marital relationship especially if you have a very traditional male in your life and then the culture plays into it and the closure plays into it because sometimes we don't want to instigate a fight but your job right now is to protect the child the adult can protect himself the child needs you whether you're a dad or a mom abuse goes both ways as we saw boys 13 1 out of 13 the number dropped it was 1 out of 53 so it goes both ways often times the men do not speak about it but women can be harsh just as the same okay we can use our words to to drive that knife deep down and we can use our actions our lack of actions to do the same damage okay so the child sees the father abusing or the mother abusing or they see the father or mother withholding love and affection what is the child going to grow up thinking it's okay to do this is the family unit this is so important the family unit is the only thing god has given us on earth to take care of if we destroy it or we allow it to be destroyed it destroys god's image it destroys god's love it destroys the church you destroy all of that and you are left with humanity to fend for itself do you follow me if we destroy the future which is the children if we allow them to be destroyed or we do not act when we see something that falls under neglect the failure to act it falls under neglect you are just as responsible as the for that child's behavior as the child is himself and if somebody will read the others for me and uh and the last one the fear of abandonment will wreak havoc in any child's life it will wreak havoc in your life if you felt your loved one would could abandon you at any moment it will make that relationship unstable it will give you anxiety and keep you from sleeping again you're an adult imagine a child having to deal with that there's some abandonment that's beyond our control if the other partner walks out and at that moment it takes a community it takes the church it takes a positive interaction with other members to help that child but if you are constant and present is better than no presence at all domestic violence doesn't discriminate um let me have us it's not working can we back it up can we keep keep going is it my click or are you doing it okay what does it say there i don't know if you can read it if not somebody look up psalm 1273 behold children our heritage of of the lord who's giving you the children and are you to be wasteful with what god gives you are you to be neglectful with what god gives you who will hold you responsible for the gift that he's given you okay i'm glad we're on the same page what does it say fathers and i would say mothers father and mothers do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them rather bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the lord how does god discipline and instructs you how does he discipline and instruct us what with with love with mercy forgiveness sacrifice patience compassion all the fruits of love and then i put that one there because it says the same thing on the top but what does it say on the bottom so they do not be discouraged a discouraged child is not a good thing and i leave you with this thought we cannot control the world around us but we do have an undeniable responsibility before god to raise our children in safe gentle homes that reflect the tenderness and love of christ's character read it with me please but we do have before god christ's character undeniable so i leave you with that today i know it's a lot tomorrow i will come back in the afternoon and we will talk about domestic violence family violence so we talked about children and abuse towards children and children committing the violence tomorrow we will talk about the family setting husband and wife and other things that are very important to the marital setting and i hope you join me i hope you guys online enjoy this and i hope you will follow me follow us through the entire weekend and come back tomorrow all things that are good at some point they have to come to an end for tonight just for tonight and um i want to say a big thank you to mrs bird miss tamara bird for coming in here today and talking to us about all of this i'm looking forward to the afternoon session tomorrow because i know that everybody here and even the people at home they have questions they will have questions and they want some answers and i'm looking forward to that old firm where we'll be able to ask you a question or two and we get answers thanks for coming my name is moyo moya falea and i'm gonna call sister moreno to give us the close empire thank you let us pray heavenly father we are thank you for tonight to allow us to come to this important problem tonight good information about how to protect the kids how to be a good example for the kids let us how to recognize that the kids are a gift from god that we have to be understand to get to ask for wisdom and knowledge how to educate our children's at home and how to protect them in the neighborhoods and the community and and be always to be a good example for them in every aspect of our life thank you lord for this good information bless mrs tamara and this ministry and bless the parents who are here tonight and bless the program who we are going to have tomorrow thank you lord thank you thank you for allows us to come here and thank you for this good program thank you lord in jesus name amen me

Channel: Houston International SDA Church

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Length: 109min 18sec (6558 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 17 2021