Why Narcissists Love Borderline Women and Why They Hate Them Back

so you thought you got rid of me after yesterday's botched video the last 20 minutes of the video will cut off their sound was in synchronized with the image in short it was an apt metaphor for my biography and so I consoled myself in minis company the only woman I will never ever discard or devalue of course as long as she serves my needs and gives me coffee which leads me to today's topic today's topic is why do narcissus love borderlines and why do borderlines hate them back now this is a complex subject because it involves again the issue of mortification and analysis is need from time to time to take a vacation from his false self I have dealt with it I've dealt with these issues in the previous videos so bear with me because I'm now responding actually to who many of your questions let's start with one one comment that I had received and someone else what's the difference between narcissistic injury in narcissistic mortification let's pray it's actually a pretty easy one narcissistic injury is the challenge to the narcissus grandiosity mortification is a challenge to the entirety of the false self the whole false self is threatened it crumbles it's unable to maintain defenses and pretensions the grandiosity is so massively undermined that everything falls apart the very foundation of the false self so the piece of fiction because a false self is like a street or like a movie like a piece of fiction the pics of the piece of fiction confronted with harsh reality countered the countervailing information aggression by by others hatred criticism and so on so forth cannot withstand the attack and cannot integrate the material fast enough cannot reframe it fast enough so as to support the grandiosity and the whole edifice crumbles and this is a process we call decompensation the conversation is when when all defense mechanisms are disabled simultaneously and the narcissist acts out in a way that I will describe a bit later another question I received what's the difference between internal modification and being a doormat it is some series because internal modification is when the narcissus takes all the responsibility on himself he has auto plastic defenses he says it's it's all been before my fault I misbehave or I made it happen or I'm guilty and I'm ashamed and I want to repent I have remorse and so on so forth this does happen with narcissist it's a common myth that narcissus don't go through these stages even Psychopaths do but whereas a normal or a healthy person would feel guilty and ashamed because of what they had done to others the narcissist feels guilty and ashamed because of the impact that his own actions head on him and on his false self in other words the narcissist would feel guilty and ashamed not because of the hurt in pain and damage he caused other people but because they had succeeded in leveraging this negative energy that he had given them to mortify him so for example the psychopath would be would be mortified if he is caught red-handed in flat grunting doing something wrong but no because he's doing something wrong but because he had been caught same with the narcissist masses would say I'm guilty I misbehaved I shouldn't have done it and so on but what he means to say I shouldn't have led to a situation where I had been mortified let's regress a bit and and before we discuss the issue borderlines and narcissus in the intricate and tortured relationship between them let's regress a bit to tackle this issue of dormant or internal modification by reminding you what Libby what Libby had said Libby in 2006 Libby L IV PBE why 2006 made a presentation based on Lansky's the Lansky's working in 2000 she said that narcissistic modification is a systemic challenge the whole narcissist collapses there's no such thing as a narcissist it's empty there there's nobody home it's a Hall of Mirrors I kept keep saying reminding you because people relate to the narcissists as though it's an entity person it's not a person it's a facade it's a mirage it's a kaleidoscope it's a phantasm but everything depends on sleight of hand everything depends on pretending on colluding in the narcissist delusional fantasy view challenge if you undermine it in some narcissists vanishes into thin air and he experiences his own vanishing it's excruciating it's debilitating and it's life-threatening so Libby suggested that the need to reframe narcissistic modification is because it threatens the integrity of the self there's a sudden awareness by the narcissist of his limitations of his defects that he is not perfect that is not brilliant that is not loved a universally loved that he's not admired that he is not omnipotent all-powerful the demon is not omniscient all-knowing he suddenly realizes that he's pretty miserable and do you know freak it's difficult to except for a normal person let alone a narcissist then when they are faced the gnosis is faced with their own hopeless hopeless unloved ability badness worthlessness smallness in a way not being specially them it modifies them it creates shock exposure the narcissist feels exposed he feels skinless borderlines described the same borderlines have an inner emptiness the narcissus is protected by the false self that is his external skin is exhaustion at home and when it vanishes it becomes essentially a borderline through rough shine Rothschild who is a scholar of borderline personality disorder discs are described borderlines is failed narcissists so when the narcissus loses this protection loses his scheme he becomes as vulnerable as labile is disregulated is discombobulated as any borderline he becomes a borderline the shock the exposure the intense humiliation sometimes even develops called somatic symptoms conversion symptoms I know heartbeat diseases it feels like being annihilated like disintegrating like the least famous painting Galatea worthy back of her head becomes dissipated molecules she evaporates and of course the gnosis is to cooperate somehow it's if he doesn't cooperate it could an is life-threatening this drama is irrecoverable and so he has to cope with it and Libby says that it uses two strategies to restore some cohesiveness to the self she says they're deflated and inflated knots what she calls deflated messages what they do they debase themselves they humiliate they further humiliate themselves they assume the role of the bad guy and at the same time they inflate or idealize the aggressing person that caught the person who constantly the wound the injury so when there's an external notification where another person causes the narcissist to disintegrate attacks velocity humiliates a narcissist public Shayne's the narcissist disgraces challenges aggresses against entities in the deflated solution the narcissist idealizes that person that aggressor and inflates that person he says she was okay she's good she's good at hard she didn't mean it she she was caught up she didn't know what she was doing she was drunk she he makes excuses for it and in the process he idealizes her an inflator I'm saying her but of course could be him and the reason he does this is to reacquire her as an internal object remember novices do not interact with real-life people they interact with inner representations with snapshots should snapshots of real-life people so he needs to reacquire that object to re internalize it the object the aggressing person we aggressing object the person who caused the narcissist such an enormous enormous devastation nuclear weapon detonated a nuclear weapon inside him the Hall of Mirrors that person is a source of pain in agony in anxiety in depression as she is right now so the gnosis needs to transform her to convert her in a way that the pain and the agony go away he needs to idealize her to inflate her to paint her with a different brush to relate to her differently and so for example he could try to atone for what he did we hate what he had done and what he thinks he had done he tries to aggrandize the other person he tries to punish himself sir flagellate a piece the other person the other person becomes a self object in other words critical for the functioning of her self replacement substitute of the self so he needs to appease that object and of course looking from the outside he appears to be a doormat it's like her she's she wandered him she damaged him she hurt she cheated on him she stole his property she abused him public public she undermined his work she stole his money I don't know what here she is and what is he doing he's not telling her to you know f off what he's doing instead he's telling her I'm so sorry to us all my fault I made you do it I pushed you to do it with my abuse with my rejection with my bid with Olding with my misconduct it was me and and so please forgive me I'll do anything you're great you're wonderful you're perfect you're good-hearted you are magnificent had it not been for me you would have never done this I pushed you to do it etc etc and this is his way of reasserting control reestablishing and buttressing the ruined grandiosity putting the bricks together because if he is the one who had caused the situation if he brought her to this he admits he controls her missing the means he/she is his pawn he did with her what he had wanted all all along her be her misconduct is an extension of his decision-making he's in charge he still got like it restores his sense of agency autonomy and self-efficacy which are critical foundations of grandiosity in the narcissist case so this is when internal modification compensates for external one fictitious internal modification compensates for real external notification Tomas this is very good in this very good at inventing fiction fictionalized works that replace or substitute for elements in reality loss is a very very poor reality testing which is why he needs other people to provide him with imported physic which he then regulates the users to regulate his internal environment analysis is a hive mind is a hive mind it's like a beehive it Sakhalin and kaleidoscope it's a collage and this collage and kaleidoscope is recreated by minute from input and feedback provided by other people react when they react to the false self so the main role of the phone set is to elicit these reactions to elicit this information from other people so that it can be put together to recreate time in a game minute by minute second by second the the false self which is a replacement for the true self this is nobody there and when you feel that you are emptiness that you are avoid then you need to fill it in somehow or to not exist to not exist is the most horrifying feeling imaginable and there is it also creates an internal inconsistency in contradiction because if you don't exist who is it who feels that he does not exist who does the feeling who does the perception that he does not exist the gnosis doesn't exist but here he must ask himself how do I know that I don't exist if I don't exist it creates it creates short circuits in the mind and so he needs to immediately eliminate the external and then the other strategy what Libby calls inflated strategy rate advances they are revenge seekers they are more classic they're more what I would call psychopathic no cysts or what can be called malignant narcissist so they are they seek revenge they debase the aggressive person T they attack the aggressing person they advertised and restabilized this their selves by reducing and devaluing the aggressing person so the aggressing person humiliated them shame them they say the aggressing put the depressing person is mentally or stupid without them or either one but they reduce the aggressing person so as to minimize the message that had come from the aggressing person in in the world of this kind of narcissist inflate the classic losses is malignant psychopathic noses there's always a winner in a loser it's a zero-sum game I mean I mean you lose you know you win I lose so the wrong is a winner and a loser and the narcissist must secure that he is the winner must make sure is the winner they fight fire with fire they take an eye for an eye they arrive to the scales of justice the only winners and losers they must be the winners another way of doing it is by shaming by shaming the the other person they short-circuit the plunge into mortification they never experience modification because they preemptively expel all impending feelings of shame and effectiveness by humiliating the other so when they see that the other is trying to cause the mortification to aggress to attacked you belay to shame to disgrace they counter attack immediately and they shame humiliate and disgrace the others thereby publicly devaluating him to the point that he becomes meaningless or derisive or you know a joke and that's another strategy so now there is the question of romantic jealousy a third question have been repeatedly asked is how do you distinguish mortification from romantic jealousy because I mentioned in my previous videos cases were there was cheating involved adultery extramarital infidelity it's a way to create mortification indeed most narcissists and Psychopaths would react or with mortification to infidelity infidelity of the intimate partner regardless of how they mistreat the intimate partner and even if they push the intimate partner to cheat was pushing the intimate partner did she his other functions shifted to be testing the partner and so we're not going to it right now but when they the partner finally succumbs in cheese on the narcissist or the Psychopaths there is mortification almost always and there's a question what's the difference between mortification and romantic jealousy imagine the following two scenarios scenario number one your wife returns home at five in the morning and tells you that she had she ran across her colleague in an after-work bar she went to a bar of the work to have a drink and she met her colleague and she and her colleagues spent the entire night talking reminiscing but she assured you nothing inappropriate or sexual had happened any believe them actually you believe that nothing being appropriate or sexual in him but she says it was such a heartwarming fun and the synergy in chemistry was so enormous that they both of them had decided to meet again from time to time she even intends to bring him home and introduce him to you this is scenario number one scenario number two the octogenarian we don't neighbor from upstairs there's a guy there and his 90 years old my zero years oh he dropped by while you were away on a trip and he was so lonely so depressed so heartbroken after his wife had died did your wife let him fondle her breasts and let him allow him to touch her genitalia in order to lift his spirits if nothing else if to leave nothing else besides that was the question are you gonna be romantically jealous in both scenarios in both cases strangely the first scenario where there had been no sex not inappropriately but it is the first scenario that is likely to render you far more jealous than the second scenario and it is because romantic jealousy is not about sex at all it is about intimacy it is a romantic jealousy is a form of extreme anxiety about anticipated loss rejection and abandonment the risk of losing your wife to the animated corpse from the floor above is zilch she's not gonna leave you and become his wife he's 90 years old but her calling can definitely make a move on him in the way she had already reacted to his company indicates that her calling stands a chance of breaking up your marriage so you would be romantically jealous of her relationship with her colleague which is asexual and totally appropriate and you would not care at all that another men had literally had literally had sex with her method her I mean made out with her just because he's 19 there's no risk of loss and so people confuse humiliation narcissistic mortification with romantic gems being cheated on undermines one sense of safety creates disorientation confusion in a - form of insecurity infantile regression triggers infantile defenses extreme neediness entitlement petulance and a passive-aggressive wish to destroy the frustrating and artful object but all these have nothing to do with romantic jealousy mortification is nothing to do with romantic jealousy it is possible to be devastated about your wife cheating and still not feel romantically jealous or possessive at all notification is about you not about her when the narcissists intimate partner cheats on him and he is mortified his modified look because she had cheated on him or rarely because she had cheated he is mortified because of what of what her cheating did to him of his reaction is modified by his reaction is mortified by his own disintegration he's modified by the implied shame and humiliation and criticism as her action says you are inferior you are defective you're hopeless I'm going to someone who is not inferior in other words superior to you I'm going to someone who is not hopeless I'm going to someone is not defective like you you're Quasimodo so this is what gnosis is react so you could say well if this is the case why narcissists are attracted to promiscuous labile and disregulated borderline women why is that I mean these women are impulsive they are essentially psychopathic they are defiant they have anger management issues that emotionally disregulated the moods a label and so the risk of cheating there or the risk of mortification of some other kind humiliation in some other way shaming in some other way undermine interpersonal adamak and undermine undermining work or undermining into other interpersonal relationships or family relationship and the risk of mortification in a variety of setting and settings and ways is much higher with a borderline woman than with a healthy woman or even much higher with a borderline moment and if then a psychopath or any other type of borderline woman is by far an engine of modification why would the Nazis choose her well the answer in psychology is very simple when we do something that is the maximum in psychology the underlying actual when you do something it's because you wanted to do it when you do something with because you've chosen to do it so if narcissus keep selecting and teaming up with borderlines it's because they want to select in team up with bholenath there's a mate selection process here and why is that what's the only thing that the borderline woman brings to the table that no other woman does the potential for pain the potential for mortification it is precisely because of their potential to cause mortification that narcissus select Borderlands my good friend John Lockhart had written a groundbreaking in seminal tone I think first edition was published in 1983 the borderline narcissistic and there she explained that borderlines analysis caters caters cater to each other's archaic wounds she later renamed this Freudian phrasing and she called Envy spots vulnerability spots she said that border lines and nurses push each other's buttons on the one hand but on the other in gratify Dipset Dipset mm emotional needs they solve each other's archaic wounds on the one hand in ree-ree irritate them recreate him on the other so the never ending cycle but it has to do with with initial wounding or what Freud called unresolved conflict so vulnerability sponsor whatever you want to watch The Lancet selects a borderline because she can push his buttons because she can help him to disintegrate and this is why when these women try very hard to be domestic homemakers the nurses it feels dead and is frustrated abusive rejecting withholding and furious then he that the borderline woman is trying to be a homemaker and a housewife or you know at least a good wife he didn't choose her to be a good wife he chose her to destroy him it shows her her to cause him pain and hurt it shows her to bring on modification and here she is abrogating her her only duty and so ironically borderline women who tried to fit in who try to be good wives with intimate partners good manager or woman they provoke the narcissus ire and aggression in hatred and end rage and abuse and rejection and with auntie and neglect and absence and abandonment because he doesn't want them because he feels that they had deceived him they were false advertising what had been advertising is the harrowing of excruciating agony crucifixion and yet they refused to drive the nails in his in ankles but when they are in the borderline stage when they disappear for days when they cheat on him when they steal his money when they explode in enormous range attacks when they are hair-trigger and rageful and when they are being borderline the classic borderline when they when they're very jealous when they're very suspicious when they were very clinging and needy and imposing and what-have-you at this stage the last this is happening actually he keeps coming back for more he even keeps aggravating the borderline traits and behaviors because they guarantee notification why would the narcissus want to be motive and why would anyone want to be modified even if you're a narcissist because what everyone is a narcissist of course healthy normal people try to avoid mortification at any cost just think about your reaction to cheating how it feels if is logged I'm absolutely like that so everyone is trying to avoid this except the narcissist the Masters is six modification but it's not marketing I read texts even by luminaries such as Campbell in others Miller who claim or imply that the gnosis is somehow masochistic and it is a reverse side obviously the flip coin the flip side of the coin of sadism he's on the one hand a sadist and every sadist is also a masochist we know from craftily but that's not true in the Gnostics case or at least it's not true when it comes to modification on the very country modification is the only act of self-love only act of self-love that the narcissist engages is modification dis mentals the fall self or at the very least disables and now without the fall self the gnosis is no outer skin no protection no firewall no moat no castle he is all alone in the field naked to the core vulnerable in the extreme blabbering his mouth off like a madman a in Advent moment with the rain pouring over in the mud under his bare feet the narcissist fills alive this is the narcissists quest this is this is the Holy Grail mass's spends his entire existence feeling dead inside failing there is no insight the narcissus is all facade all external an apparition a ghost he wants to feel alive for one minute for one second for one hour for one day just to go through this experience how does it feel to be alive the modification gives it away then he feels alive yes he's in horrible pain he feels trapped if it's shamed he feels he his ground the ground meat if his offense that he has been reduced to atoms atomized but he feels it and he noticed that only the dis is life he feels it finally he's finally able to feel finally able to live the world is in color finally it's colorful the pain makes him wake up now of course this is classic stealth self-mutilation when we ask borderlines people with borderline personality so that and other mental health disorders why they cut themselves why'd they burn themselves with cigarettes what is the pain doing to them why do you why they seek pain they say I feel alive only when I feel the pain I feel alive only when I cut myself with a razor burn myself with cigarettes only then the pain wakes me up I feel alive in the narcissus mortification I mean for the lasas is to feel life is not enough to cut or burn would do nothing he needs something much more massive much more all-pervasive much more ubiquitous he needs his soul to be to be put into the machine he needs so he needs something really bad and really total and debts mortification this is his self-mutilation he then feels alive he then feels and he then feels for the first time an awful first time but every time that he is mortification he feels himself he feels a self if he who is feeling the pain there's a core is a nucleus something wakes up something steers up inside him is it a true self probably vestiges of the true self trying somehow the true self is ossified paralyzed fossilized crimes small traumatized baby and this maybe wakes up in in its in the gnosis final it fills in scent this is why analysis after modification resemble children very much they become childlike they regress and they display extreme infantile behavior as an infant type defenses because they are infants the true self for exam is a trance this false self is gun the warden the warden his gun the prison is open the doors are unlocked he can walk out of the cell walk out of the grounds and he can [ __ ] he finds himself in the in a beautiful lush forest you know it is a prison if the prison is a palace it's a wonderful prison but still prison its prison the default surface constructed to keep the true self hostage to keep a prisoner in here is the mortification having freed him modification is freedom freedom from any commitment especially the primal commitment to the primary commitment to the false self as you remember what I'm saying about what I keep saying about narcissism it's a form of religion it's a religion with one worshiper the narcissist and his goal his divinity is dating the false self and the Nazis makes human sacrifice to the false self he sacrifices his self his true self that's a human sacrifice losses strikes a furrow Stian deal with the false if he will make me great again and I will give you my soul I'll give you my true self I will slaughter it on the altar like Abraham almost slaughtered Isaac but the false self does not stay the law sees his ends and as God cons angel stayed the hand of am Abraham for self encourages the nazis to go ahead with the human sacrifice to sleep the true selves throat on the altar it's very very primordial primordial drama what's happening inside the narcissus we think that gnosis is just an idiot a jerk it's much more complicated to this and so the modification allows the gnosis to feel alive to fill himself gives him the freedom freedom from commitment of course for him from commitment for him from any commitment it also frees the narcissus from his relationship with Warren aligned with a specific motor line and allows him to look for the next borderline the adventure of the next shared fantasy it caters to his psychopathic antisocial aspects of the personality novelty seeking risk-taking thrills adrenaline junkie etc in impulse of impulse control at that moment the narcissus becomes somatic because what is life according to Freud arrows arrows erotic arrows the force of life manifests in the lipid or the libido is the sex drive among other things its creative drive sex is one manifestation of creativity so when the gnosis becomes alive when you finally finally can feel and when he when he kind of gets in touch with his steering core inside him and when he's free and his adventurous you know in fantasy he becomes sexually aroused become sexually active in a rousan becomes a sexual being a neutral a sexual being but that there's nothing like the limiter of a cerebral narcissist and somatic via modification and it's true that the gnosis is libido is always tainted with sadism masochism with unusual practices some would say de vent and perfect not my style of speech it's true that is unusual but it's there it's there and it's real and it's strong and so for powering because it's an expression of life gnosis is finally alive the whole body is alive his eyes suddenly human other parts of him come to life and it's because he had been modified some wonderful wonderful feeling pain and sex the two main forces in life come together and create a self create life inside the narcissist an only mortification Kievan can give him this and only a borderline woman can modify you see do you see the Train chain of being he needs borderline women to modify him to experience this what I've just described the narcissism is preoccupied with being he wants to be he fails he wants to be any fails to be but he wants to be because he does not exist because he is avoid because he is deep space because throughout his life especially his childhood he was told that he can be loved only conditionally only if he performs only vessel he didn't fall and he was not allowed to separate from the parrot he was not allowed to become an individual separation individuation so there's no one there so he he wants to be he's obsessed with being and he wants to be so much that he like a vampire subsumes consumes extracts sucks upon other people's being it takes away their being that's what's so special about logistic abuse it isn't the abusive of the victims being not some aspect and so analysis want to be they are preoccupied with poor the lines of the other their their preoccupation is to not be they expense the disappearing expenses vanishing physically mentally they commit suicide 11% of borderlines end up end up committing suicide they dissociate a lot Association is very dissociation as a diagnostic criterion of borderlands forgetting deleting repressing ignoring discontinuity they say they are almost psychotic as can be observed although I think the narcissism or psychology but still so border lines are very concerned with not being there existent I mean take 8 themselves they they are so so fed up and disgusted with who they are they just want to not be so they for example become alcoholics or drug users or engage in practices which negate negate boundaries bridge boundaries such as for example promiscuous sex they they try to not be in the gnosis tries to be and of course what they do when they come together they trade the narcissist helps the borderline to not be how he ignores her he rejects her he abuses her violating her boundaries he helps her to not be he doesn't love her in the proper sense door he his abundant sir he goes away is he helps her to not be and the borderline helps the narcissus to be to be how by mortifying this is the deal they strike I will cause you pain he will love me so this is the title of the video I don't know video is not white narcissus love border lines and why they hate them back the and this relationship is very familiar to both parties because it recreates what Freud called the unresolved primary conflict first conflict with the primary object significant primary object which is a long way of saying mother the last this is a conflict with his mother which has never been resolved but the mistake that many scholars make is that they think the gnosis is teams up with a borderline the borderline is like his mother borderline is capable of causing him pain capable of humiliating capable of ignoring him using him rejecting him bundling him like his mother exactly so he teams up with a borderline and many scholars saying that he is doing this in order to replay to reenact the unresolved conflict with a different outcome like this time the body light will love him he's looking for unconditional love and the borderline will give him unconditional love this time his mother substitute the borderline will behave like a proper mother this of course wrong utterly wrong they got it totally wrong the narcissist does not team up with a borderline in order to resolve the primary unresolved coffee the gnosis teams up with a borderline in order to experience it again don't forget narcissism pathological narcissism is a reaction to the unresolved conflict the mother mistreated mistreated her child to an extent that a child needed to divorce himself he needed to create a decoy piece of fiction so that this piece of fiction can absorb all the hurt and all the pain and he himself needed to disappear which is the narcissistic solution that's why he's so preoccupied with existence and being because as a child he chose to not be he chose a kind of borderline solution only by going through the conflict again can he feel alive because before we created before he had created for for logical Gnosticism the child did feel alive there was a trial there there was a lovely cute wonderful smiling bright-eyed child there and in the first four years for six years or verse nine years before bed trial became a narcissist he existed he felt he was alive with curiosity with hope with with amazement with with wonder it was he was there it was alive he was freeing in when the nurses his teams up with a borderline he doesn't want her to be his mother his mother to be a good mother or a good enough mother he wants her to be his mother but he wanted to be his mother because his mother mortified you anyone support like to mortify him again why because he wants to go back to being a child the child before the narcissism the child who used to be alive in other words the narcissist wants to borderline to resurrect him it's totally religious he had been crucified by his mother and three days of three years of three decades later he goes to his god mother was God yeah he goes to another God and he asks that are the God to cause him the pain the kind of pain that will resurrect him so when we are dead we don't experience pain when we experience pain we are alive it's indisputable no one can argue with this in the mortification crisis the Nazis he sees himself through other people's eyes he sends a chance to free himself of the shackles of this slave owner taskmaster cruel God the false self it's only chance at achieving this is via retraumatization when there is no protection when the pain is so excruciating that you can't but admit that your life and his women are of course the losses his pawns he uses them he uses projective identification and projective introjection to force them to coerce them to behave in a way that will modify he selects these women in order to fulfill roles it's a theater play its production and there's a script and that she had they have roles and if they don't comply he show more angst and he pushes the me he tortures them until they do there's a shared fantasy and then there's a liberating anti fantasy mortification and she needs to go through the motions she needs to hurt him these women need to integrate into shared psychosis and then they need to reach Roma ties the narcissist they need to hurt him badly never mind how much they think they love him if they love him they need to hurt him this that's the amazing mind-blowing sadness in the relationship between novices cymbalta line that's why we are so everyone is obsessed with these relationships because you seem to be more who love each other beyond words levitra each other not in the healthy normal sense but I would say love each other existentially the course the course love each other not the persons so they they bond in a way they become it's like fusion it's at fission reactions like two atoms colliding in a lot of energy is released in a nuclear explosion the the borderline the more she loves her narcissist the more she will hurt him she understands intuitively that she has to reenact the unresolved conflict with his mother in mortified she needs to free she needs to make you feel alive she needs to allow him to move to the next shared fantasy she knows what she's doing this act of selfless love these guys does rage or or hurt or abandonment exile she knows that she will never see him again but she also knows that this potentially is the only gift she can give her and when you talk to these women the protests they protests they they they say but we cheated on you because we felt that this is what you wanted we did it to please you to prove improving right the narcissist does not push these women away he controls them to push him away and this notification could lead to finally forcing the narcissist to accept and to internalize the insight that is very sick that in itself is a modification once to admit that they're sick if you are told tomorrow that you have terminal cancer that's motive modified laughs ISM is the terminal cancer of the soul stage for Stage five and it exists but gnosis has to acceptance exactly as a neurotic patient has to accept the character neurosis in order to heal losses has to accept it and then it's a gamble the speculation it's the first step in a therapeutic process of healing or the first step in giving up on himself and in life it's a gamble the last hiss takes every time is mortified but every time is modified he is alive to take this gamble he is free to take this gamble and he has emotions that guide him in taking this gamble and what more can anyone ask of life

Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin

Views: 236,805

Keywords: narcissist, borderline, mortification, shock, shame, guilt, fear, personality, false self, true self, grandiosity, splitting, needs, cheating, intimate partner, relationships, terror, anxiety, morals, empathy, healing, trauma, self awareness

Id: wzj7wouSe7A

Length: 47min 52sec (2872 seconds)

Published: Sun May 10 2020