Narcissist? Trust Your Gut Feeling: 4 Rules to Avoid Bad Relationships (Intuition Explained)

okay here's the deal i'm gonna give you four keys to a successful long-term relationship with a loving empathic holding and warm partner in short with someone like me and these four keys note them down print them out magnetize them on your fridge hang them upside down and down sunny side up next to the alarm system because these are the only four relevant keys when you meet someone when you date someone when you fall in love with someone and when you consider having a life with someone and so here we go if it feels wrong it is wrong simple isn't it if it feels wrong it is wrong number two if it takes too much conspicuous and ostentatious effort it is fake if you see too much effort going into anything dating you talking to you having sex with you whatever it's fake effort equals fake or at least too much effort number three if it is too good to be true there's only one reason for that it is not true number four in today's world believe nothing and verify everything he tells you good morning look out the window make sure the sun is still up there it tells you it's the 4th of july pull out the calendar click on your smartphone make sure it is july and make sure it's the 4th believe nothing distrust everything verify every single thing why is that because studies have shown studies by donna really and many other behavioral psychologists studies have shown that people all people can i repeat this not only narcissists not only psychopaths not only so-called sociopaths even self-styled nonsensical empaths all people men and women young and old educated and less educated blue collar white collar no cola all people like everyone with two legs lie about every single thing 90 a whopping 90 percent of the time did you get this straight 9 out of 10 sentences are false fake exaggerated wrong misleading manipulative that's not nine out of a hundred that's nine out of ten and these are studies this is based on studies it's not speculation i recommend to you to go online and look up for everything ever done ever written by dan ariely wonderful behavioral psychologist israeli of course so people lie 90 of the time and they lie unnecessarily most of the time there's no reason no rhyme no goal nothing people just lie and here's the clinch here's the punchline you believe them 90 of the time this is called the base rate fallacy and before you send me an avalanche of emails based like military base b-a-s-e not base the mathematician base rate policy people lie 90 percent of time and you believe them 90 of the time i call this the 1990 rule so verify everything trust nothing let me recap this for you if it feels wrong it is wrong if there's too much conspicuous and ostentatious effort it's fake if it's too good to be true it's not true and last and by far most important thing check check check do your homework do your research verify in today's world it's much easier this google all this has to do with of course intuition this is the topic of today's video can you trust your gut feeling what is intuition is there only one type of intuition how how does it operate how is it constructed so what i did being as old as i am i went and spoke to philosophers dating all the way back to ancient greece when i was young and so i asked philosophers what do they have to say about intuition and i created an anthology compendium for you and i'm going to tell you in this video what philosophers say about intuition and now before you turn me off philosophers were very wise people and what they have to say is has applicability to your lives it's a pity people study philosophy much less than they used to the phenomenon of jordan peterson exemplifies demonstrates the importance of philosophy wrong philosophy right philosophy it's debatable but it's philosophy philosophy used to be the mother and the father and the cousin and the grandparent of sciences all sciences came from philosophy including psychology to this very day in many countries in the world psychology is um part of the faculty of philosophy so don't underestimate what philosophers have to tell you now before i go there as is our habit my name is sam vaknin i'm a professor of psychology and the professor of finance and psychology and some other universities uh i'm the author of malignant self-love narcissism revisited first edition was published in 1999 like 20 years before everyone else and i've written other books about personality disorders and numerous other topics today we discuss intuition but before we go there let's straighten one one administrative one issue i usually answer someone um so i received an um an email and there was a comment i think on one of the videos regarding a new discovery the dark empath the dark empath is supposedly a narcissist or a psychopath who has empathy first of all there's no such thing as empath i've been saying it numerous times there's no such clinical entity no diagnosis not nothing there's no such thing as empath can you get it through your head empath is a self-attributed label self-imputed label grandiose victims with grandiosity or people who believe themselves to be victims or professional victims they want to feel virtuous they want to feel sanctimonious they want to feel morally superior they want to feel that they have nothing to contribute or to do with their own abuse so they self-label empaths that you self-label something doesn't mean that it has any validity in psychology now we do have something called hsp highly sensitive people and i've discussed it in other videos which i which i recommend that you see i do regret however to see academics scholars professors prostitute themselves and pander to the grandiosity of self-styled professional victims just in order to sell their products and services there are people online who should know better because they are professor of professors of psychology and so on so forth they should fight the good fight they should resist the tight and they should not sacrifice academic integrity for self-enrichment which is exactly what they're doing now the particular study that came up with the construct of dark empath was conducted in the university of nottingham and it is the outcome simply of ignorance the diagnostic and statistical manual is the bible of psychiatry but only in north america it is used mainly in the united states in other parts of the world such as europe such as the united kingdom we use another book called icd international classification of diseases the 11th edition is about to be published there's a huge gap there's an abyss between the dsm and the icd well i'm not going into it right now and the outcome is that european scholars and academics and i can tell you this from personal experience are not fully updated they are not cutting edge they are not bleeding age they are like five to ten years behind absolutely five to ten years behind i'm not exaggerating and so had these esteemed colleagues from the university of nottingham bothered to look up the alternate model of narcissistic personality disorder in the fifth edition of the diagnostic and statistical manual published seven years ago in 2013 they would have found to the shock that narcissists and psychopaths now do have empathy or at least narcissist according to the dsm-5 narcissists do have empathy and they have a special kind of empathy 15 years ago i proposed i was the first to propose that narcissists have empathy and i i labeled it called empathy in between there were numerous other scholars who came up with a construct of cognitive empathy in other words i don't know what's the brouhaha that narcissists and psychopaths have empathy there's no need to invent a new label of dark empath unless you want to fit in you want to fit into the hype of youtube if you're a serious scholar you would have known you would have known that narcissists er in psychopaths possess cognitive or called empathy and that this is a 15 year old discovery at the very least if not older additionally of course cognitive empathy is only one component another component that narcissists and psychopaths have is reflexive empathy it's the bodily reactions the biological reaction to the condition of someone else this is mediated through special type of neurons called mirror neurons so narcissists and psychopaths to samurais have have empathy i repeat they have empathy only it's reflexive or cold or cognitive i don't care about the label go on my way on my youtube channel and look up all the videos on cold empathy some of them dating back 10 years no need to invent a label a new label and definitely normally to prostitute yourself and to become popular on youtube by using the the absolute nonsensical nonsensical misnomer empath now highly sensitive people fit in somehow fit into this video somehow because highly sensitive people have something called over excitability overexcitability is a part of the developmental root or developmental path of certain individuals it's a heightened physiological experience of stimuli resulting from increased neuronal sensitivity i discussed it when i discussed in the video where i talk about whether narcissism is genetic or epigenetic and so on i mentioned this over excitability is going to feature feature big time in this video and in this sense i'm somehow connecting over excitability with personal growth with highly sensitive people with intuition of course intuition implies some kind of over sensitivity we feel ill at ease when when you meet a narcissist you feel ill it is even if you think that you are that you are feeling perfectly fine even if it's a first date and it's going swimmingly and it's the greatest date ever you know flowers romance limousines um white beloved waiters with masks of course even if this is this kind of date with romantic music played by a gypsy band there's something there there's something of note there's something off-key there are these snippets there's these smidgens they're these flashes of wrong wrongness ill-fitting things ill-fitting expressions they're called micro expressions ill-fitting behaviors and you can't put everything together it's like a jigsaw puzzle with one of the pieces wrong one of the pieces pieces coming from another box so the jigsaw puzzle is never complete and you have this ill background background ill it is this information there it's not abundant it's incidental but there's information there that generates cognitive disorders he says one thing and he behaves in another way or it generates emotional disorders i am so into him i will try to ignore his misbehavior so these dissonances they lead to something called confirmation bias you filter out you so want to be with him you so wanted to work you were so happy and so excited to go on this day or to develop this relationship or to talk to him or that you you we filter out you ignore you repress you delete any information to the contrary any information that challenges your view of him as perfection in other words you're idealizing it's very common on in a relationship with analysis that you idealize the narcissist as much as he idealizes you i'm against i i actually came up with the with the concept of i with the cycle of idealization devaluation of discard in 1995 i am the one who proposed this cycle but today i've modified it and i call the first phase co-idealization you idealize him he idealizes you and and there are you know they are um there's always thin line they're always they're always thin lines for example complexity complexity is one thing defiance is another thing stupidity is a third thing it's very easy very easy to conflate and confuse a complex person with a defiant person with a contumacious person and with an idiot and so if he's an idiot you would tend to think of him as complex you would tend to believe that there's some background processes that you are not aware of and you will will reveal themselves in due time you tend to create confabulated narratives to justify your presence in his life you tend to ignore your own intuition is he is he a misogynist is he a sadist is he a narcissist you know uh is he an equal opportunity abuser he abuses men and women does he hip his abuse only on weak people subservient people people in in positions where they cannot retaliate like i don't know waiters cabbies service providers your intuition keeps keeps ringing alarm in the background keeps telling you hey wake up something's wrong but you you don't want to you don't want to wake up from this dream until until it's well advanced and you begin to realize that it's actually a nightmare it's surrealistic lucy dreaming because you're inducing this dream you are you're you're co-creating it you're collaborating had you just listened to your intuition and followed the aforementioned four rules believe me ninety percent of your relationship trouble would have never happened and philosophers have a lot to tell you about your gut feeling and whether when and how you should trust it there was a polish combo combo philosopher psychologist poet his name was kashimiya dabowski yet another unpronounceable name which qualifies you as a psychologist and he came up with the theory of positive disintegration tpd dabowski was essentially an existentialist because existentialist came up with the concept of angst angst is mistranslated as anxiety angst is not anxiety angst has a component of anxiety but it also has a component of tension or stress it's like the stress of existing existence itself exerts such enormous amount of stress so many conflict-laden tensions that it generates anxiety and this is this complex is called angst and dabowski said that angst is necessary for growth he said that there are processes that disintegrate us but he regarded them as positive he said that people who don't disintegrate don't reintegrate they remain stuck in what he called primary integration he said to move from primary integration to secondary integration to progress to grow to mature to become an adult a true full-fledged adult with all its dimensions you need first to disintegrate in and if you don't disintegrate and then re-integrate you lack true individuality you must advance courageously and sometimes you must induce personally your own disintegration because it's a hierarchy there's always a higher level of development but you can't move into this higher level of developmental potential if you don't first destroy creative destruction destroy the previous phase and he said that it all depends on what he called over excitability above average reactions to stimuli as i mentioned before he said that over excitability is the thing that pushes you that's the energy that's the fuel that pushes you towards personal growth and i think intuition plays a critical part in this we'll come to it in a minute dabowski has shared something has something in common with jordan peterson and in this sense peterson would hate me for saying it peterson is actually an existentialist but both the borowski and peterson suggest that suffering is crucial that in order to grow and to develop so you need to suffer not i'm not talking you need to be disappointed i'm not talking you need to have pain or you need to suffer you need to suffer is the condition of your existence he said that intense personal suffering self-infliction of suffering this is the key to healing mental illness he said that the shaping of personality depends on on on this on processes of suffering which lead such extreme suffering which lead leads to disintegration he said that one of the major factors he called it the second factor one of the major factors in growing and developing and evolving and suffering is socialization socialization is mediated is conveyed to us via peer pressure society informs us how it expects us to behave society communicates to us its norms and mores its values and its prescriptive behaviors society tells us all this conditions us shapes us molds us use any words you want any any word you want society does this why appears mostly peer pressure and he says that when we we when we challenge this when we break through this when we do not accept peer pressure when we are essentially defined then we grow now this is debatable of course because if defines is taken to the extreme it renders your psychopath but if there's no defiance whatsoever you become a robopath robopath is a term coined by a systems biologist his name was fon bertallon fee my apologies again and former talentee suggested that people who have notifieds who adhere 100 to what society tells them to do who mold and shape-shift in order to fit into their peer group these people are not human they're robotic they're robo parts they're not only robots they're sick robots and so this integration requires requires fighting back society sending back fending society off it requires countering countering countermanding undermining social signaling and pressures and then the question arises how do you spot these signals and my answer is intuition i think the major part of what we call intuition is signal picking up signals picking up signals mainly from others and we have this radar this detector this scanner that is constantly on and we scan all the time exactly like narcissists and psychopaths the difference between normal people healthy people and narcissists and psychopaths the narcissist and the psychopath they scan but they scan and they have no emotional reaction to what the scanning reveals about other people you you do you have an emotional reaction so but everyone narcissists psychopaths normal people healthy everyone is scanning all the time picking up signals all the time is like this project or seti the project for discovering alien life in the universe you know we are trying to pick up signals and we are trying to make sense of this signal to to discover structures repetitiveness rules and i think this is what we call intuition this is where where this is where this polish psychologist dabrowski fits into the video today because i think the missing part in his theory of positive disintegration is what mediates the communication what is the communication channel what is the transmission mechanism between individual and society individual and peers and you know what individual in himself or herself what is this communication channel and i think this communication channel is intuition and if we introduce intuition into the brovsky's work it is rendered complete so fascinating work encourage you to go online and look look for whatever you can you can find let's go to let's now begin to discuss intuition problem prophets in the bible and scientists they're both in the business or we're in the business of making predictions both these types prophets and scientists resort to metaphysical frameworks as the source of their knowledge the prophet will tell you i got my knowledge from god and the sign the scientists will tell you i obtained my knowledge via the scientific method it's another argument whether science is not actually a religion put that aside both prophets and scientists vehemently deny the role of intuition in their output if you challenge a prophet if i could talk to muhammad or to jesus and and challenge them and tell them actually you're not talking to god you're talking to yourself it's intuition they would challenge me they would have challenged me they would have told me you're wrong i am talking to god or if they if they would really be in an advanced stage they would say this what you call intuition is the voice of god the prophet claims to possess privileged access to a transcendental being and the prophet says i'm merely serving as a conduit the the this supreme being has his own thoughts his own intentions i am nothing i'm a channel i'm channeling god the scientist insists that his work is objective and rational of course god forbid intuition norway and that in principle this work can be emulated by a computer for example there's an open question now in the age of artificial intelligence why do we assume that computers cannot have intuition leave it aside for a minute both scientists and prophets actually transform deep set unconscious processes into structural statements sentences laws they think that if they take what is profound what is deep what is unconscious and they convert it via language to something that is communicable it had lost its profundity and its inexplicability i think it's a very dubious proposition that you talk about some of something doesn't change its essence and there is a problem with intuition there is a problem with the essence of intuition and if you listen carefully from from now to the end of the video you will learn a lot about your gut feeling and your intuition and how how and when and where should you trust them and you become handy when you date the next narcissist or when your next relationship falls apart or when it succeeds or when you have children or when you start a new job tuition is arguably a much more critical part of decision making than rational rational rationalization because our ratio our reasoning um are not what they are made made out to be and our intuition is very powerful but first let's let's clear the field there are three types of intuition and uh i will start by describing the first type the first type is called identic intuition intuition is supposed to be a form of direct access when when i when i ask you what is intuition you would say well i directly receive an answer to something i didn't even know that i had the question but suddenly i have the answer but it's direct access to what this intuition does it access directly some objects called intuitions is it like you're going to a supermarket of intuitions and there's off-the-shelf intuitions and you pick up one of them are intuitions abstract objects are they like i don't know numbers or properties are they the objects of the mental act of intuition or maybe intuition is the mind's way of interacting directly with some ideals platonic ideas or phenomenological essences maybe there are things out there that are essential maybe even ideas and symbols have their own existence and it is true intuition that we access them and what do i mean when i say direct when we say direct access like access by itself is problematic but what do you mean direct directly well when we say direct access we usually mean without the intellectual mediation and arbitration of a manipulated symbol system and without the benefits of inference observation analysis deduction experience or reason like all these things higher level upper level things they are absent in intuition tuition is very animal like very primordial the appropriately named philosopher kant thought that both euclidean space and time for example our intuitions he said there is no such thing as space there's no such thing as time they are in tweeted in other words he thought that the senses interact with our transcendental intuitions to produce a synthetic a priori knowledge we have this intuition of space and time we get sensory input and then we organize it within these intuitions of space and time the raw data obtained by our senses our sensor sensory experience these data presuppose intuition intuition is like a drawer like a big cupboard you know you arrange your clothing according to the shape and the internal space of the cupboard one could argue that intuition is independent of our senses of course and thus these intuitions and these are the identic intuitions that i measure these intuitions are not or would not be the result of sensory data or i don't know of calculation or processing or manipulation of sensory data it's like the situation and their sensor our senses have nothing to do with our intuitions they are independent entities they are like uh file folders they are like operating system in a way and kant came up with the term er chayung shine means phenomenon or appearance it's the way an object appears to our senses and he says that a shine is a is a kind of sense intuition and then it's processed by categories of substance of cause so first we have there's an object it has objective reality presumably we have no way of knowing but we think there is objective reality because we all share the same way of watching it or seeing it and then there's a shine is essentially the interaction the way it appears to us and only then once we have gone through this sense situation do we begin to organize it in drawers and cupboards categories and file folders and so on as opposed to the phenomenon because there is this is a phenomenon yes there is something called normal normal is is the object the thing in itself and the thing in itself of course is not dependent on us it's not dependent on us seeing it it's not subject to any category or any intuition or anything it's just a thing in itself even that is debatable now with insights that we have from quantum mechanics even this is very debatable you see immediately we started to talk and we're stuck we are stuck because what is access what is direct what is intuition what is object our language breaks down ironically our language breaks down when we try to cope with reality how do you want to cope with the narcissist or the psychopath they're so alien and removed from your daily experiences when i ask you to describe intuition which is something you had experienced a billion times you failed language fails you how would you want to describe the alien landscape of the masses mind which is non-human in any critical sense of the world and why won't you trust your intuition when it beeps beeps the alarm and warns you the count of an edict which is my favorite punching bag when i had a cart in the 17th century a french philosopher um he of course came up with a famous sentence i think therefore i am kokito i think therefore i am it's it's actually about intuition because i am the knowledge that i am that's an immediate immediate and indubitable innate intuition and you can develop a whole metaphysical system from it as he did so there is at least one intuition which all of us share i am and here again it breaks down when you come to the narcissist the nazis has no sense of i am he has no sense of existence he outsources his existence he needs you to make him feel alive he needs you to regulate his internal environment he needs you to stabilize his sense of self-worth he has no ego he has no constructs he's a whole of mirrors in an empty space he's a vacuum he's what kernber called the emptiness the void so even this foundational cartesian intuition i am breaks down when we discuss analysis people ask me why do you make so many so many videos about narcissism are you kidding me narcissism is where philosophy breaks down i mean forget psychology forget relationship advice forget uh youtube coaches and self-styled experts and so forget all this this is the fluff this is the fluff of the matter this is the lintel on the suit this is nothing as far as i'm concerned narcissism is where all our categories of thinking all our way of seeing the world over all of our understanding of literally everything breaks down breakdown it's an investigation into the core it's like julvan wrote a book about travel to the earth's core this is the core i'm not elevating narcissism most nurses are total buffoons clowns and not very bright that's all i'm saying i'm saying the psychological disorder psychological phenomena of nazis if we study it properly and deeply we are going to reach it's like travel to outer space to another galaxy we're going to reach unimaginable places and i'm trying this slightly what i'm trying to do in my videos you know galaxy far far away and it's the only spaceship we have luckily narcissists use language you know it's exactly i mean people are waiting with baited breath for alien spaceships and ufos to land on earth are you kidding me there are aliens among us the likes of which no extraterrestrial uh um can can equal or compete with there's nothing more alien than the narcissist nothing can be more alien why because it's partly human and the part that is human is insignificant it's a it's a simulation it's an imitation it's artificial intelligence it's amazing narcissism is an amazing phenomenon philosophically speaking one of my phds is in philosophy i'm a philosopher another is in physics i'm a physicist it's all there the card's work in this respect is reminiscent even of gnosticism of religion this narcissism is a form of religion secular religion and so gnosticism says that the intuition of the mystery of the self leads to revelation so narcissists are incapable of revelation israel don't have an intuition of the self they don't have a mystery of the self for the simple reason they don't have a self how can you have a god if you don't have a self how can you have an epiphany if you don't have yourself it's i'm i'm an agnostic i'm not a believer and i regard people of faith as female minded and possibly mentally ill delusional disorder i have a although extremely deep view of religion i mean compared to me richard dawkins is a religious person that's not the issue the issue is that the process of revelation the process of relating to god is a process of self-discovery and self-evaluation which should culminate in agnosticism but even if it doesn't it's a laudable process and it's barred it's blocked narcissists and psychopaths can't do this in a way you could say that on a first date with the narcissist at the psychopath your first situation should be is he godly not does he believe in god is he a godly person bertson another jew of course henry bergson a french philosopher described a kind of instinctual empathic intuition which penetrates objects and persons identifies with them and in this way derives knowledge about the absolutes he called it duration duration for him was the essence of all living things and he distinguished it from ellen vital along with the force of life the creative life force so this is what i'm talking about if you don't have empathic intuition you are not human and if you are not human there is nothing meaningful you can learn or say or discover or even explore about any object and any person even an absolute person like god you are in a penal colony isolated and when you when you date a narcissist when you begin to have a relationship with nasa let alone a psychopath you can see this penal look you can see this haunted hunted criminal look in his eyes even when he orders wine in the restaurant there is this tension of the body and emptiness of the eyes there is this uh about to leap um sensation it's like permanent state permanent frozen state of flight or fight um vaccine wrote intuition is an instinct that has become disinterested self-conscious capable of reflecting upon its object and of enlarging it indefinitely clever man he was and so to works on science the use of symbols by our intelligence to describe reality is the falsification of reality he said that only art based on intuition and unhindered by mediating thought not warped by symbols only art provided one with access to reality in this sense of course modern art is much more art than naturally starred my great great great great grandfather was the rabbi of amsterdam his name was paudo and he's the guy who excommunicated he made spinoza walk across the aisle and everyone spat on him because he dared to challenge the conception of god he there to to undermine in their view or question the attributes of god so my great great great great father was as much a sadist as i was runs in the family anyhow knowledge of the world as an interconnected whole and this is also a form of identic intuition remember we're discussing the first type of intuition identical spinoza thought that intuitive knowledge is superior to both empirical knowledge sense knowledge and to scientific knowledge reasoning knowledge because intuitive knowledge unites the mind with the infinite being and reveals to it an orderly holistic universe in his view intuition was kind of a penetrative instrument i don't want to be gross but i use the word penetration yes intuition creates unity also in the sexual way what is sex sex is the merging of bodies and minds what the youngsters call hookups and meaningless sex they have no idea what they're talking about they're denied they're denying the meaningfulness of sex that's not the same as rendering sex meaning sex is the supreme most subtle act most religious act in a way no wonder religions all over the world were obsessed with sex with the regulation of sex intuition is having sex with the world when you have an intuition about someone when you have intuition about something you just had sex with the world you just have sex with oregon the climax in your mind is the intuition there was a guy friedrich did you notice that every word in german sounds like i'm going to execute you and burn your body i mean even ish liberty which believe it or not means i love you sounds like a serious threat it's like you know i'm going to mutilate you and i'm going to feed you to the crows in the field something like that i mean german has a way with warrants no question about it so friday and rudolph otto they discussed the religious experience and there is a concept called the numinous numinous is god essentially it's the spiritual spiritual power that pervades the universe and they discussed in luminous and they suggested that the numinous itself is a kind of intuitive pre-lingual before language an immediate feeling and this immediacy where i disagree with them is that this immediacy does not pertain only to the numinous but also to the phenomenon in other words also to the world around us i think the numinous pervades the world around us it's not because the world is made of spirits or the spiritual the world is made of atoms and whatever but it's because we are incapable of perceiving the world properly and fully except through the spiritual damage it's no wonder that religion is far more popular and always has been far more popular than than competing alternatives like ideologies or animal science because it has an advantage the advantage is the leveraging of the spiritual [Music] koche an italian philosopher distinguished what he called concept representation or classification from intuition he said that intuition is expression of the individuality of an object out of our artistic object and he said this concept which is how we represent the object how we classify it how we analyze it how we categorize it our et cetera et cetera the boring stuff and there's intuition which is like boom this is the object and it's individual there's no one and nothing like it of course we have the same reaction to people aesthetic interest is intuitive but aesthetic interest is intimately connected to individuation and separation there is beauty in becoming an individual and one cannot become an individual if one is not beautiful everyone therefore who is an individual is also beautiful some people are beautiful in the outside as as well as the inside like me for example but some people are beautiful only in the inside but there's no person alive who is an individual who is an individual who is who doesn't have an aesthetic value a beauty who is not therefore an object artistic object with two exceptions narcissists and psychopaths they have no individuality they have hive minds collages and so when you come across analysis of psychopath one of the main reasons that you feel ill it is is that they are not beautiful there is ugliness there sometimes they are too functional sometimes they are too goal oriented sometimes they are distracted by their own absence sometimes something is wrong and and it's wrong in an ugly way you feel ugliness when you are with the narcissist and psychopath even if it's your first meeting and within the first 10 seconds you're trying to compensate for it because you're lonely and you want a partner and you want to have sex you didn't have sex for four years it's your opportunity you or you want to go on a date or you want to drink wine you want to have fun you know so you you repress it you deny it but think back there was ugliness there or at the very least the absence of beauty art according to crochet and collingwood should be mainly concerned with expression in other words with intuition as an end unto itself not as a means but as the end it shouldn't be concerned with other ends expressing certain states of mind and so on identical intuitions are also similar to what is called the pagamatha satya the ultimate truth in the madhyamika school of buddhist thought the ultimate truth cannot be expressed verbally and it is beyond empirical and illusory phenomena eastern thought then buddhism for example uses intuition or experience to study reality in a non-dualistic manner okay enough philosophy next type of intuition next type of intuition is what we call emergent intuition it's the second type and subjectively the tweeting person the person who exercises intuition has the impression of a shortcut a short circuiting of his usually linear thought processes in other words you feel a sudden flash it's like there was a short circuit in your brain perhaps the equivalent of a cognitive stroke it's based on trial and error but the trial and error are obscured they are not accessible they're not transparent and this type of intuition feels magical like a quantum leap from premise to conclusion the parsimonious selection of the most useful and the workable from a from a myriad possibilities intuition in other words is rather like a dreamlike truncated thought process the subjective equivalent of a wormhole in cosmology it is often preceded by periods of frustration dead ends failures and blind alleys in one's work or one's relationship artists especially performing artists musicians for example they will often tell you they're often described their interpretation of an artwork a musical piece and they will say well i intuited the piece it was intuition that's especially true in jazz you know many mathematicians and physicists those who follow the kind of pythagorean tradition mathematicians and physicists of which are one they use emergent intuitions in solving general non-linear equations the dirty secret of physicists and mathematicians when we are faced with non-linear equations very difficult equations and so on differential partial differential nonlinear equations so what we do we guess we guess the approximants let's say what it looks to me like this would be the solution the partial differential equation is very common it's a guess and once we guess we try to retrofit reverse engineer to see if the guess works if it doesn't work we guess again we guess again intuition already one of the greatest mathematicians and physicists of the late nineteen early twentieth century a predecessor of einstein in many many ways some evil acute some even accuse einstein of plagiarizing celery's work in a presentation to the psychological society of paris in 1901 poincare said that even simple mathematical operations require an intuition of mathematical order without which no creativity in mathematics is possible which is why we can be pretty certain that the language of mathematics is inadequate and insufficient to capture reality or even the laws of nature poincare described how some of his creative work occurred to him out of the blue and without any preparation the result of emergent intuitions he said these intuitions that just came to me had the characteristics of brevity sadness and immediate certainty most striking at first is this appearance of sudden illumination manifest sign of long unconscious prior work the role of this unconscious work in mathematical invention appears to me incontestable and traces of it would be found in other cases where it is less evident remember these words when you are confronted with someone new in your life and you're wondering is he a narcissist is he a psychopath can will he be abusive will the relationship be a horror movie let it go stop controlling stop analyzing allow the poincare perception of intuition to work rewind this video and listen again to what he said subjectively emergent intuitions are indistinguishable from insights your brain is telling you giving you insights it's telling you to walk away you know cut it out emerge diverge run away the scream like you know monk's famous painting insight is more cognitive and structured and concerned with objective learning and knowledge but both of them have the same mechanism um intuition is a novel reaction a novel solution based on already acquired responses and skills to new stimuli and new challenges and still both in insight and intuition there's a strong emotional example aesthetic correlate and and this helps the emergence so trust your life experience unbeknownst to you everything you know everything in your consciousness every single bit of information everything from your name to the name of your daughter everything you know your job your skills absolutely everything statistically is five percent of what's in your mind 95 is submerged in the unconscious why would you let the five percent rule the 95 percent when you meet a new person let your unconscious run free release the horses you know release the stallions these are race horses arabian resources they're going to win the race let it go intuition and insight are strong elements also in creativity the human response to an ever-changing environment they are shock inducers they are the stabilizers the aim of intuition and insight is to move the organism from one established equilibrium to the next established equilibrium and in this way to better prepare the organism to cope with new possibilities challenges and experiences if you have an intuition you will have a bodily reaction don't be afraid don't recoil don't avoid let your body also talk to you as van der kolk says the body remembers the trauma both insight and intuition are in the realm of the unconscious the simple the mentally disordered the great importance of obtaining insights and integrating them in psychoanalysis is because of this psychoanalysis uses insights to establish a new equilibrium the third type of intuition is the ideal intuition these are thoughts and feelings that precede any intellectual analysis and they underlined you know you're all acquainted with one such ideal intuition it's called empathy empathy is an intuitive mode applied to the minds of other people it's a theory of mind it yields an inter-subjective agreement moral morality is another example moral ideals moral rules are intuitions can you prove to me is there any way to prove risk with reason with logic that killing someone is bad no way let me save you the time there's no rigorous way to prove to substantiate to convince that killing someone is bad so why do we all universally agree that killing people is bad because it's intuitive it's an intuition mathematical and logical axioms basic rules of interest necessary truths i believe these are intuitions you know you can't prove an axiom by definition it's an action these moral mathematical and logical self-evident conventions do not relate to the world they relate to our inner world they reflect the structure of our mind the elements of the languages we use to describe the world or the codes that regulate our conduct in the world it follows that these apriori languages and codes are nothing but the set of our embedded ideal intuitions as the rationalists realized ideal intuitions a class of undeniable self-evident truths and principles in these intuitions can be accessed by our intellect in other words intellect and intuition are not mutually exclusive it's a myth it is the intellect that allows us to access ideal intuitions like mathematics like morality and even like empathy when you date a narcissist or a psychopath let your intellect do the work as well don't block any part of you you need all the resources trust me you need your your sense of aesthetics is this an ugly person you need your your intellect to analyze discrepancies misbehaviors tiny flashes you need everything rationalism is concerned with intuitions though only with those intuitions available to reason and to intellect sometimes the boundary between intuition and deductive reasoning is blurred and fuzzy they both heal the same results moreover intuitions can be combined you can combine them to yield metaphysical or philosophical systems or a judgment of another person or a situation descartes applied the ideal intuitions risen to his eidetic intuitions and this gave rise to his metaphysics husserl tv bolzano they did the same when they developed the school of phenomena phenomenology in philosophy they combined intuitions the a priori nature of intuitions of the first and the third kind identic and ideal led thinkers such as adolf lasson to associate it with mysticism he called it an intellectual vision which leads to the essence of things lasso said that there is no real distinction between prison and belief in god for example in both cases we are accessing we are touching the essence when you are with another person your essence constantly talks to the essence of the other person there's constant dialogue by the way this dialogue starts with an exchange of molecules the minute you meet a new person giant molecules are exchanged between you mediated by the olfactory system smell and so on these molecules contain close to 100 bits of information about the the other person's genetics immune immune system and so on this is how it starts and from that moment on your bodies are talking all the time and your minds are talking all the time and your essence is your souls if you wish this constant dialogue in communication only we we have been trained by information overload by mass media by social media and by social conventions we've been trying to shut off this dialogue to suppress it to ignore it to consider it politically incorrect or misleading or stupid or inferior the irony of it it's the foundation of all knowledge earlier philosophers and theologians label the methodical application of intuitions the science of the ultimates of course this misses the strong emotional content of mystical experiences but still confucius talked about fulfilling and seeking one's human nature he called it ren he said this is the way the way is to fulfill your own human nature this nature is not the result of learning it's not the real the result of deliberation it's innate it's who you are it is intuitive and in turn produces additional clear intuitions which he called young and these new intuitions um pertain to what is right what is wrong what is productive what is destructive what is good what is evil so he said a condition for learning about the world and about what's what works for you and about the right people people who are right for you and about relationships and you know what about dating in a power condition for all these youngs clear intuition is ren to seek your own human nature this is the way the operation of the natural law requires that there be no rigid cortex but only constant change transformation heraclitus the flowing river guided by the central and harmonious situation of life and now i went and talked to some of my contemporaries in the 17th and 18th century and asked them hey guys have you been doing put on your mask please i want to talk to you so they put on the mask and we discussed intuition and first was lok lok said to me are intuitions really a priori or do they develop in response to a relatively stable reality and interaction with a stable reality would we have had intuitions for example in a chaotic capricious unpredictable disordered universe do intuitions emerge to counter balance surprises and shocks locke thought that intuition is a learned and cumulative response to sensation the assumption of innate ideas is said is unnecessary and count is account the mind is like a blank sheet of paper tabula rasa filled gradually by experience by the sum total of observations and external objects and internal reflections operations of the mind he said that ideas what the mind perceives in itself or what the mind persists in immediate objects ideas are triggered by the qualities of objects but you know i plowed him with a few pints and i pushed him hard to the corner and finally locks it okay i i accept that there are ideal innate intuitions according to lok a color for instance can be either an idea of in the mind ideal intuition or the quality of an object that causes this idea in the mind that evokes the ideal intuition and he said that the primary qualities quality shared by all objects come close to being identical intuitions so ultimately he ended up as much as as much account as much a country and his account as kant himself lok himself admits that there is no resemblance or correlation between the id and the mind and the secondary qualities that provoke the idea in the mind and so berkeley demolished locke's claim that there is such resemblance or mapping between primary qualities and the ideas that they provoke in the mind it would seem therefore that lok's ideas in the mind are in the mind irrespective and independent of the qualities that produce them in other words these ideas are a priori and look resorts to abstraction in order to repudiate it locke himself talks about intuitive knowledge it is when the mind perceives the agreement or disagreement of two ideas immediately by themselves without the intervention of any other the knowledge of our own being we have by intuition the mind is presently filled with the clear light of it it is on this intuition that depends on the certainty and evidence of all our knowledge knowledge is a perception of the connection and of the agreement or disagreement and repugnancy of any of our ideas knowledge is intuitive intellectual perception even when we demonstrate we even when demonstrated and few things mainly ideas can be tweeted and demonstrated relations within the physical realm cannot be grasped intuitively so even when demonstrating each step in the demonstration is observed intuitionally lock's sensitive knowledge is also a form of intuition known as intuitive cognition in the middle ages it is the perceived certainty that there exists finite objects outside us the knowledge of one's existence is an intuition as well but both these intuitions are judgmental and they rely on probabilities ok lock defeated 1-0 in favor of ideal intuitions even law had to admit that they exist so i went not far away and met hume hume denied the existence of innate ideas exactly like loc according to him all ideas are based either on sense impressions or on simpler ideas they can be deconstructed into simplerities in this sense by the way hume is the father of deconstruction centuries before but even hume accepted that they are propositions known by the pure intellect as opposed to propositions dependent on sensory input these propositions deal with the relations between ideas and they are logically necessarily true even without any sense input even a blind deaf dumb quadriplegic resurrected dead person would come up with these ideas as it didn't have a single second of sensory even though reason is used in order to prove these ideas they are independently true all the same because they merely reveal the meaning or information implicit in the definitions of their own terms these propositions teach us nothing about the nature of things because they are at bottom self-referential and isn't this the exact equivalent of guns analytical propositions yes it is which leads me of course to [ __ ] cut was a recluse who rarely left home uh which proves to me that he was a highly intelligent person and he said that our senses acquaint us with the particulars of things and thus provide us with intuitions the faculty of understanding provided us with useful taxonomies classifications of particulars which he called concepts and yet concepts without intuitions are as empty as futile as intuitions without concepts they need each other perceptions phenomena are the composite of the sensations caused by the perceived objects and the mind's reactions to these sensations four these reactions are the product of intuition i said to myself i'm getting lost i can't tell anymore if there are ideal intuitions or not lock says yeah and no then he says yes jump says no then he says no kan says no then he says yes i mean the hell with these people i'm going to meet the absolute idealists shelling suggested a featureless undifferentiated union of opposites as the absolute ideal intellectual intuition entails such a union of opposites subject an object and thus it is immersed and assimilated by the absolute and becomes as featureless and undifferentiated as the absolute is objective idealized claimed that we can know ultimate spiritual reality via intuition or via thought independent of the senses and this is of course a mystical argument the kabbalah makes the same argument the mediation of words and symbol systems only distorts the signal and inhibits the effective application of one's intuition to the attainment of real immutable knowledge sounds good the phenomenal lodges the phenomenologists phenomenological point of view is that everything has an invariable and irreducible essence i'm very close to this view by the way this essence is idos as distinguished from contingent information about think so everything has essence and then it has information that is that quotes the essence it's like a wrapping of a gift and this wrapping of course is discarded it's contingent the essence remains the same we can grasp this essence only intuitively eidetic reduction this process of transcending the concrete and reaching for the essential is independent of acts independent of concrete objects or mental constraints but that it is independent of facts does not mean that it is free from methodology free variation it doesn't mean it's free from factual knowledge or from ideal intuitions we don't discard these things we use them the phenomenologist is forced to make the knowledge of facts his point of departure he then applies a certain methodology it varies the nature and specifications of the studied object to reveal its essence this methodology relies entirely on ideal intuitions such as the rules of logic for example phenomenology in other words is an idealistic form of rationalism it applies reason to discover platonic idealistic essences idealism it's a marriage marriage of idealism and rationalism my kind of of relationship like rationalism phenomenology is not empirical it is not based on sense data actually it is anti-empirical it brackets the concrete and the factual in its attempt to delve beyond appearances and into essences phenomenology calls for the application of intuition unsharing to discover essential insights vision science system phenomenon in phenomenology is that which is known by consciousness and that is in consciousness phenomenologists regarding tuition as a pure direct and primitive way of reducing clutter in reality it is immediate the basis of higher level perception we spend life hoarding things hoarding emotions ordering information holding and here comes intuition cuts through cuts through the thicket declutters our lives our minds a philosophical system built on intuition would perforce be non-speculative hence phenomenology's emphasis on the study of consciousness and intuition is justified they don't study reality because reality can be deceiving appearances can be deceived it is through vision shallow intuition of essences that one reaches the invariant nature of things by applying free variation techniques so phenomenology is your way to go if you are dating a narcissist or a psychopath ignore appearances home into the essence and when you home into the essence don't be shy don't feel reduced because you're forced to use intuition knowledge won't get you far reasoning won't get you far logic won't get you far the narcissists and psychopaths are rationalizing calculating machines they're better at this than you you have one advantage over narcissists and psychopaths your empathy your intuition empathy is a form of intuition use all forms of intuition listen in don't listen out i repeat this listen in don't listen out observe in don't observe out withdraw retreat into your mind before you open your mind to someone else it could be dangerous the world is not what it used to be you may wish to be self-reserving and self-protective nature has given you the tools categories ideals empathy and above all intuition use it

Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin

Views: 353,856

Keywords: intuition, mind, dating, narcissist, psychopath, relationship, objects, reality, fake, reasoning, logic, philosophy, rules, intimacy, love, romance, opinion, judgment, fear, belief, faith, god, psychology, personality, hope, wrong, awry, creepy, trust, gut feeling, instinct, reflex, feeling, red flags, warning signs, cognitive deficit, bias

Id: zFEb48Y-JZE

Length: 73min 43sec (4423 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 04 2020