What's The Secret At Your Workplace That Everyone Knows? (r/AskReddit)

at your work what is the office secret everybody knows the 1530 minute breakfast break is not officially allowed but no one cares because it significantly raises productivity everyone in my office does this to just about half of the staff here goes down to the grill or coffee shop first thing every day there's an executive Wi-Fi network that's off-limits to the worker bees everyone knows the password the big score about 30% of us basically get paid to watch YouTube or read news because our job responsibilities can usually be fulfilled within a couple hours my job is long stretches of complete boredom mixed in with the occasional frantic rush of actually doing things I work really fast so I can get back to read it CEOs new wife is a gold digger who despises him and just got married for her promotion sigh I've done work in those households she's in for a shock it will not go according to plan spoiler alert so much misery for both of them that Tim is jumping ship well everyone except the boss answers he got another job lined up a week or so ago and is waiting until exactly two weeks from his start date there to give his notice a large majority of the middle management in my division of the company I work for our a bunch of raging alcoholics arrived to work by 10:00 in the morning depart for the bar by noon return to office around 6:00 to gather their things and presumably head back to the bar this is everything that our boss is cheating on his wife with at least one intern neither of em know we all know what's going on my wife worked in an office one time where everyone was positive that the boss was giving it to his 21 year old assistant and then my wife caught the assistant and her boss's wife doing the do at a Christmas party a certain girl got plastered at our senior seller dinner and flicked a co-worker three days after her wedding and nine months before she gave birth to her baby boy I'd be sweetened bullets if I were the co-worker my boss is missing one of his big toes every single one is the boss banging a subordinate and his yours I'm cracking up the company directors and senior management all took themselves on a management holiday to another country a couple of years ago under the guise of a customer meeting first-class flights five-star hotel restaurant meals every night all at company expense while none of their staff had a pay rise for yours various projects were failing and so forth they staggered their returns to work to make it look like they just coincidentally were on overlapping holidays that's how freaking stupid they think the staff are all of them are still directors managers at the company and still run it like their own little fiefdom thankfully I'm just a third party contractor doing all of their IT systems and support oh and one of the directors partner was recently made a director this is after only five years with the company where they previously worked in a bar and joined as a departmental assistant funny how shagging the right person can get you far well I guess it gives you good leverage when it is time to run you the contract and raise the rights there's a box of Thin Mints behind the computer we have this one really old lady who's been working with us figures almost every night we see her taking a pen and putting it in her bag as she leaves with a triumphant smile on her face everyone knows about it but no one dares to say anything to her we all think it's adorable because we know she's just trying to feel young again that one of our IT Tech's is actually a LVL one but he thinks he's still a lvl zero service request technician we don't want to tell him so we don't have to give him access to certain things because he sucks I'm in finance and somehow have admin access to our production environment across every single system in a fortune top 50 company but not wanting to be the guy you mentioned I at least have the good grace to ensure that someone with superior knowledge is looking over my shoulder intermittently shouting obscenities at me whenever I'm asked to utilize said access privileges the custodian is a stool pigeon our boss has that Malcolm Forbes quote hanging from his office wall you can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him when downsizing begins it's always the workers who are too smoothy to make small talk with the custodian that are the first to be let go I worked somewhere where the president's admin had worked with him for decades he adored her she ran the ship professionally and efficiently you can be dang sure that any interview candidate who was rude to her wasn't getting the job and when layoffs came around he turned to her for advice and information the HR manager is having an affair with the head of sales they were spotted getting it on at the Christmas party and have been seen together in hotels since everyone talks about it but they think they are being very secretive one guy was out of work for 1012 weeks on disability because he pooped his pants on the job got sent home and wrecked his car on the way home I'd be making jokes about that for the next 20 years we all work IT coworker got his cousin pregnant she's keeping it everyone in the building knows because she can't keep anything to herself he's married with four kids he's so freaked soon to be divorced with five kids and an estranged family even though we are not supposed to all of my co-workers and I sat down to enjoy lunch and invite people over on Fridays when our boss isn't here such rebels that sounds nice oh so so many a major fashion label at least two people one very senior did P the president CFO and senior directors were complicit in an embezzlement scheme that could have landed them in jail except for the bad publicity it would have caused their combined payoffs were in the eight-figure region one of the senior directors started as an intern and freaked away to senior director including a long-standing secret affair with the vice president one director is expecting two kids this year one by his wife and one by a junior member of staff he flicked at an office party I work at Lowe's and one night the only two people working the pain desk left and had sex in the stockroom there was a huge line of customers that kept asking for help and no one else knew how to mix paint 30 minutes later they came back but left the used condom in the back to make it worse she was dating someone else from work at the time dang that is low that our security cameras don't work it's a bar we do a lot of illegal gambling and boss doesn't want it on camera but everyone knows so we get robbed regularly after hours we've been hit twice in the past couple months sounds like the bar needs more late-night muscle security a woman I worked with ran a daycare or something on the side and pushed a child down the stairs and killed the child tampered evidence and got away with it I feel like this should be in an FBI subreddit our boss does site visits for hotels just so she can get complimentary night stays not cause she is interested in holding events there we all know that but she thinks we don't that seems like an easy thing to get hooked on our boss still $100 million from FEMA in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina whenever we get a new hire while training them someone always quietly tells them to Google her when they get home Army veteran checking in in my last battalion the sergeant major got busted for sending lewd photos to a female medic both were married he was suspended and forced to retire the s2 intelligence officer showed up to work intoxicated and was sent to rehab my supply sergeant did the same thing a week earlier and received an article 15 reduced rank extra duty forfeiture of pay when the s2 who was a West Point on a graduate got home from rehab she was immediately promoted to captain and a week or so later she showed up to work drunk again and was summarily dismissed from the Army stories like these don't help morale to left tenants were living together and planning to get married but the guy cheated on her with a single mom she kicked him out of the house and he had to relocate on post Oh and he ended up marrying the single mom and adopting her three kids awkward when everyone involved children included showed up to his promotion ceremony but lots of snickering from us to soldiers in my company agreed to swing have sex with each other's wives but one of them didn't tell his wife beforehand when the other guy showed up to his house to bang said wife she called the police and he got busted for it and lost rank the one who actually did the deed got off scot-free the list goes on paternity fraud affairs everything and we all knew about it it was the only unit on a tiny post in an isolated location hi brother Co had a little sex dungeon with a mattress and colored lights in a secluded area scarier where she would freak half the ship not my current job but it was known that the store manager 43 that a handsome 43 was freaking the 21 year old Clark every Sunday morning when she opened the store and he did inventory I worked there for two years and without fail their punch cards always showed they came to work 30 minutes earlier than necessary and the manager once admitted to having a weekly side girl who was in her early 20s it all lined up too well especially the way they acted around each other he was married with kids but I got the impression he and his wife swung we're open but she was in a really committed relationship with a guy at another store in town I don't know how that whole thing panned out but I didn't want to get involved but she was in a really committed relationship with a guy at another store in town doesn't sound like it a girl at my last corporate gig blew three guys I stopped counting at three in the bathroom of the bar we had rented out for the evening poor girl really pretty just low self-esteem I suppose after that they had to move her from life behind reception to a hidden corner by HR because people kept walking by her desk Oh clang snickering wasn't very nice at all incidentally two of the guys she fellated were married with children it was then I realized I was a bit more mature than I used to be old me would have been one of the ogling icarus this me was like why the freak out they walking by the guys desks and laughing mocking them why aren't they walking by the guys desks and laughing upvote for empathy that if you don't follow the basic guidelines and I mean basic like arriving on time and actually doing work you might get reprimanded but that's it nothing will happen nobody gets fired ever I love my job that dang sometimes I wish I could just leave my work ethics at home and stop giving a crap like half my co-workers also that the recently divorced IT guy and the most definitely gay girl had her FWB thing going on for a couple months a while back it's such an unlikely match that even when we openly mention it everyone thinks we're joking it's a lot of fun an ex-employee who still has a key to one of the entrance doors stops buyouts night from time to time to help himself to the money in the petty cash box we have new security cameras but we can't see the guy's face because he's pretty crafty why don't we change the locks because we're stupid a guy snuck into three office on a Sunday stripped down naked and filmed himself jacking off in the reception area with our company logo in the background somehow a friend off has tweeted the video at the company and he was let go the next day not sure why he did it but there are a lot of rumors about the situation our idea won't make money I'm in this situation at my secondary job no the world doesn't need a little subscription music podcast service no it doesn't matter what decently famous rocker you get to host once in a while we know you're the one that slashed Susan's tires Becky twice two of our coworkers both women in their 50s are very clearly in a long-term relationship and have been for yours but they owned property together in Hawaii they travel the world together they are very obviously a couple but at work it has never been acknowledged openly I have worked with them for six years now and before I got here they had both been here for at least 20 years about 20 years ago I worked with a woman who was clearly in a same-sex relationship she always referred to her partner as a roommate but we all knew I felt sorry for her that she didn't feel like she could come out at work yes I think some people would not have been kind but I think the vast majority would have said something like about time and shrugged their shoulders and moved on that our manager likes to freak the employees despite being married and having a child he gets quite upset when people that he wants to get with quit and he calls his favorites princess it's quite disturbing I'm pretty convinced there isn't a single manager out there without at least one major personality flaw that one of the teachers is banging one of the admin staff for bonus points her kid is in his class and he became a dad a few weeks ago only a matter of time before his wife finds out the office ho slept her way to the top she slept with the general manager who got fired she stayed if anyone talked about it she would be on them she didn't like any gossiping about her if anyone talked about it she would be on them Kinki I like it that there's this one guy who has a huge dong his name is Jim some men in the office say they've seen it in the men's room and can confirm never seen him or it that his name gets read out on the loudspeaker all the time and every time it does everyone's looks at each other like yeah that's the guy I think you're talking about a guy named Jerry I work for on a small defense contract for a big company working on unmanned aircraft we have a guy here that occasionally unhooked cables or other trivial little things to cause issues that he then swoops in and fixes tyv outright Court is sabotage on one occasion but I can't do anything about it because I found it while doing a workaround that I'm not technically allowed to do opening a server and discovering and fully unseated card which wouldn't allow the system to boot though he had booted the system earlier in the day unfortunately because I'm not allowed to perform that type of maintenance I couldn't go on the record about what I had found he's done stuff like this on multiple occasions changing obscure settings that he magically remembers to check if something goes wrong immediately be lining two out of the way cables that have miraculously loosened themselves etc etc I want to do violence tell him find an ethics hotline either at your company or Defense Department typically you can remain anonymous the former medical director and other doctors from a clinic I worked at was stuck in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina they had been there for a medical conference they spent the entire couple weeks there were stranded there in the hotel bar smoking and getting drunk on the company dime and when they returned the medical director was given an award from our clinic for her outstanding service to the New Orleans community during the hurricane in the hotel bar smoking and getting drunk on the company dime and when they returned the medical director was given an award from our clinic for her outstanding service to the New Orleans community during the hurricane they kept the New Orleans lifestyle alive during a time of crisis in a way that is as important as providing first aid we all know i.t was you Mike that left that tomato in the fridge before you quit it's causing IT to become a disgusting pile of tomato goo ffs clean your fridge I work in a dental office that used to be a front for the Indian mafia they used to bootleg movies and print counterfeit money in the basement it was over 20 years ago but there are still remnants off some of the security measures they took to keep things concealed the dentist lab used to run the place and the operation downstairs was shot in the head one day as he pulled into his driveway and the practice was then bought by my current boss after the police investigation concluded every new employee here gets told about this because even all these years later we'll get a call the odd time asking for the former dentist wife or son we don't tell any patients obligatory not mine but someone I know there are two middle-aged people in their office that hooked up after a business trip thinnies they each are married to other people of course and now they're behaving like school children with crushes at work they are abysmal at hiding what they are doing and everybody knows except for the big boss man who rarely drops by the office who is a devout family and religious man I keep waiting for updates to see when and how it will blow up I readied the popcorn I'm imagining a single bag of popcorn in your desk drawer ready to hit the microwave as soon as things get remotely interesting I work at a restaurant owned by a married couple the man had an affair with one of the servers and they almost got a divorce this was a while ago everyday they are both so angry and mean but they're still together worst part is their son spilled the beans to everyone working at the restaurant my office secret oh it's a rocky one literally every day we walk down the stairs two o'clock in one day someone's shoe must have carried a rock and onion fell off on one of the stairs no one touches it no one mentions it everyone sees the dang thing it is light on a dark carpet you can't miss it yet we all leave it and we're all secretly testing each other it's been months who will break w-h-o will pick up the rock to be continued everybody knows I do a gaming channel with my five-year-old son now never leave your workstation computer unlocked ladies and gentlemen and close your tabs before lunch hey I remember you from a couple months ago I think it's such a good idea we'll be great to watch when he's older - nice try new boss my office tomorrow morning if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now [Music]

Channel: Internet Is Fun

Views: 14,000

Rating: 4.9470201 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, emkay, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, askreddit school, r/askreddit how to, office secret, everybody knows, office, work stories, secrets, secret

Id: _oWsJy_q1SI

Length: 19min 58sec (1198 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 09 2020