What's The Closest Thing You Have To A Super Power?

what's the closest thing you have to a superpower my tonsils and adenoids both grew back within seven years of being surgically removed i suspect i can regenerate but i'm too chicken crap to shoot my toe off and confirm try cutting your hair i can sleep through dang near anything this includes phone alarms people pounding on my bedroom door and sirens as an added bonus to this serial power i can hold intelligent conversations in my sleep to deter further attempts at waking me with no recollection of the conversation once woken this has caused numerous misunderstandings broken promises missed appointments and a breakup yep not very common but yeah i've woken up to have someone explain that they came in to wake me up and that i spoke to them so i must have been awake they left came back and i was fast asleep i have no memory of this happening i can get a seat at a full bar i go up to a girl try to talk to her and she walks away every time bam wide open seat man that's a great way to look at it option a things take off and you buy her a drink option b you get a seat at the bar i have eight wisdom teeth all in all healthy i can't chew like a god sometimes it's my cheek or the side of my tongue i'm chewing but with great power compth guitar and dude you have the chewing power of a cow i wake up every day at 6 30 almost to the minute i'd be the shittiest member of this man the one that gets stuck with breakfast duty breakfast boy i can't clear a space like nobody's business i don't smell and i don't have to say anything i just sit at a table wait 10 minutes look around and all the surrounding tables will be empty coma i don't smell comma wait 10 minutes look around and all the surrounding tables will be empty here we have a case of noseblind i can hang on reddit for eight years and never post once wait frick this is possibly the longest most patient setup for a joke i have ever seen i can hear frequencies that are supposed to be out of range of human hearing apparently i bought a sonic bark control device for my dog at one point that emits a high pitched sound when they bark which is supposed to be silenced and annoying to them i can hear it it's freaking awful there's also a coffee machine in the cafeteria at work that makes a high-pitched sound that drives me nuts but apparently no one else can hear it i can hear if the tv is on in the next room even if there's no input or sound the damned high pitched wine i have a real hard time getting hurt physically more accurately i don't break i have been in a rollover car crash going 80 miles per hour and had my vehicle land upside down and walked away without so much as a scratch or whiplash i fell on my head from eight feet up onto concrete no injuries hit an ied in afghanistan caused minor hearing problems fell off a 10-foot ladder holding a 50-pound light fixture onto a metal grated floor and landed on the side of my knee saved the light fixture and no damage to me hit with baseball bat in the head no injuries i also have really good health naturally immune to smallpox and other diseases my girlfriend is quite sickly so we joke about us having normal kids together watch unbreakable i can touch my elbows together behind my back you might consider this a useless tray but you would be surprised at how eager girls are to try to repeat this act after i show them shoulders back boobs forward d now excuse me while i go to my corner to be ashamed of myself when i'm watching two shows on tv and the first show goes to a commercial i can switch over to the second show and then correctly switch back to the first show immediately after all the commercials are over i can time it perfectly almost always i can recognize the sound of different people as they walk towards me hear it once and i have it memorized i can tell not only when but who is approaching my cube at work when i was a kid i'd be able to tell who just got home just by how they opened the front door i'm never surprised i can do this too especially by the way people walk downstairs whenever a girl i used to talk to breaks up with her new boyfriend they start having sex with me for a short period of time then they stop and get engaged to that previous boyfriend it's happened to me several times you're welcome i seem to have the ability to bang one of my toes on every piece of furniture in existence it's like there are tiny furniture seeking missiles attached to the end of my feet my right leg really doesn't feel pain knives sticks pens pierce on has been so for about five years even when i'm seriously wounded it doesn't hurt usually have no idea how it came about i just noticed the blood the only thing that causes pain sometimes is hot water or maybe a hot iron and even then it is more fear than pain cold stuff also feel weirdly painful never been to the hospital for that because it is kinda badass i've talked some people into seeking out actual help for their mental troubles and a few of them have reported back saying things are improving i guess it counts i can see a map once and apply it in my head as i walk around the area also if i'm in an area with no map i can create one in 3d in my head ah hello my fellow map brethren you are not alone i'm an excellent bullshitter when i am in an argument i'm able to come up with the perfect fact or study that sounds plausible and supports my viewpoint i call bulls i can shake vibrate any most parts of my body that has muscle s by simply flexing harder than normal for me there's three stages of strength without flexing to lift simple objects flexing for heavy objects and flexing and shaking for heavier objects which seems to help my strength quite a bit especially when arm wrestling i find that it's great for things that i won't go into detail but i'm sure you could guess i can whistle one note while humming a different one thereby harmonizing with myself one the one hand i've never met anyone else who could do this so it's awesome on the other hand so far this has generated zero revenue for me ever so men this is a family tray we arrive just before a rush restaurants movies dmv it does not matter the cue begins behind us my father remarried to a woman with a complimentary power she always gets a parking spot out front of where she is going the combination has led to incredible serendipity i can wake up a few minutes before my alarm goes off every time doesn't sound too interesting but i have the most random sleeping pattern of anyone i know one day i can wake up at 5am another day 11am depending on what i have to do i don't actually need an alarm it's very strange i'm a kindergarten teacher i can teach large groups of five-year-olds to share walk in a straight line have manners count and read i can tell you the year make and model of any car by its headlight my friends tend to test me a lot they think it's hilarious idk why i can vibrate my eyeballs on command and if i do it while i am watching a projector i can see the different color layers like red green and blue it is kinda cool my post will get buried but i have unbrielle hearing i can't write with pencil or be near someone writing with pencil my family knows they can't speak of me in our house without me hearing it i also can't multitask well i'm know for carrying conversations with two or three different people at the same time without delay i often am browsing the internet on my phone while talking to people and they get angry because they believe that i can't hear them or i'm not paying attention when in reality i just can't stand to be doing less than two things at a time weird when i'm showing and soaping up my butt crack i can make the loudest grossest squelching noise ever when my gf is in the shower too i combine the butt squelching with creeper face stare it actually cripples her with squealing laughter when i rub my hands together really quickly they get very hot i can't think of a way to accurately convey how hot they are but people are always shocked when i show them i can also do a single clap louder than anyone i know there you go two hand related super powers in one i can do complex math problems in my sleep literally when i'm stumped on how to proceed and completing some proof or solving some differential equation i'll go to sleep and frequently figure the answer out while dreaming wake myself up and scribble down the solution as quickly as i can before i forget i am so damned positive that i will motivate the world to be amazing possibly ushering in a new era of understanding and enlightenment plus i can get really really really mad and break things with ease like mr furious motivate me to start working out and work harder i dare you if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 28,599

Rating: 4.9697351 out of 5

Keywords: superpowers, real life superpowers, real life superpowers you can have, super power, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: mcwwX40-s2s

Length: 10min 16sec (616 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 08 2020