What the HELL is Spider's Web: A Pig's Tale?

Oh what's going on [Music] Charlotte's Web a story about some existential Pig who was afraid of dying and being turned into bacon so he teams up with a spider to impress all of the farm folks around them sounds pretty wild right Wow let me tell you about its ripoff spider's web a pig's tail yep we're doing this by the way whatever you think this movie might be about it's not not by a long shot you could spend the next million years guessing and you still won't be close this is straight-up one of the most nonsensical films I've ever seen worse than troll and worse than Joshua worse than leo guys it is worse than Alibaba and that's really saying something you mean farting oh I'll get to the story run down here in a bed I need to mentally prepare myself for it but before I do let's talk about the origin of this abomination the guy behind the creation of this film is Michael slap slap tripe swaps Liam oh no it says it in his name help oh no he needs help okay I'm sorry the guy's name is Michael Schell he's a producer writer director and he's known for his groundbreaking contributions to media such as Plan B cars life one two and three and then Piper penguin and his fantastic flying machines just uh rolls off the tongue doesn't it it's wicked cool so yeah the guys are who rides the coattails of popular studios and the hopes that naive grandmas will by Piper penguin instead of happy feet as far as a pig's tail spider's web or a spider's web a pig's tail honest to god I don't even want to know anymore but as far as the movie goes he wrote and directed it and the rest of the cast isn't too impressive I legitimately feel bad for the voice actors they've been working for this guy since 1998 and I can't shake the feeling that Michael has them locked up in his basement it puts the lines into the recording or else it gets the hose again all right yeah shut up I'm not funny I spiders big a webs tail a spiders man a pigtail whatever the this movie is called it's also one of the lowest rated films I've ever seen it's got a 1.4 on IMDB that's terrible alright so let's talk about the movie strapping guys this plot goes off the rails so we start off at a farm with our main character Walt he's a pig with a bad case of lying and constantly fibbing to his mother why won't you tell the truth okay fine you want the truth mom I almost gave my life protecting a pie immediately I was confused like do the animals live under the watch of the human farmers or do the animals to care themselves because like she made a pie and put it in a cage in the middle of a field Walt what happened to my pie what pie the pie I baked last night and put in the cage next to my favorite part how should I know so I'm under the impression that the animals have their own autonomy the homework did not eat Enric the farmer did well okay I guess not because they just mentioned farmers so are the animals friends with humans then oh wait who cares doesn't matter we never talk about it again there's aliens and ghosts now I warned you all so right after they hit you with that a random snake just shows up out of nowhere with this collar thing around his neck I thought it was like a sex thing at first but it's actually a phone instead hey maybe it's both for some reason Walt decides to go with the snake and travel to Hollywood so he can become a star your talents are wasted on these barnyard yokels but they're my friends yes yes I love them as much as you yep I also love how his mom is cool with it cheer son go off with this random snake guy with a sex caller it's no big deal but we can't be too reckless so maybe these two spiders and this bee should go keep an eye on Walt while he's gone oh and you just gotta love the accents in this movie the group thing gets into a and they get in a car and drive off the Hollywood [Music] how the hell's a snake driving the car you know what no why am I asking logical questions they have no place here in this movie and this part really creeps me out we go to a motel to crash for the night welcome to the two star motel ah I got you it's one of those kinds of movies get used to living in luxury want and just try to follow me with this next part again I'm just telling you what happens all right here we go Walt and the snake go into their room which they steal from an alien they then watch a TV show where the contestants get spanked by a floating panel the TV then attacks them and then they take off to a gas station where they then proceeded to steal the gasoline and then they get chased down by a bunch of isopods riding motorcycles with missile launchers on them [Applause] but don't worry our spider friend scares off the bikers by saying boo so the gang arrives at Hollywood by the way it's actually called Viper would but that's dumb so I'm not going to call it that we then meet the purple snakes assistant who just randomly drops out of the sky like literally after that wall gets sent to a bunch of studios trying to land a job but the snake lied about Walt's resume and said that walk into a bunch of stuff like speak Japanese or hold his breath for twenty minutes so you can hold your breath underwater for 20 minutes Wow what no I hate water Oh Walt is practically an aquatic mammal I love that Robert Downey jr. you can be the Next Iron Man if and only if you could hold your breath underwater for 20 minutes and that's how it became Iron Man so Walt almost died is by drowning to death and fails his audition but then he goes on to a game show where he answers questions Walt is appearing on paddle wackier the quiz show where contestants get spanked ah Dada so this part in particular is especially frustrating because Walt doesn't know the answer for a question and the spider tells him to stop lying what color is an octopus won't tell the truth you don't know make something out the truth world's any color walk I'm sorry but not knowing the answer for something isn't lying because you imagine that hey you how many miles away is the Earth from the Sun I don't know don't lie to me Walt fails again and then and then lands a role on some Japanese robot boat thing where he proceeds to get blown up [Music] and finally after going to the hospital Walt lands a job and becomes a rapper just hear his sick beats but there's a catch this isn't actually an audition he's at a meat factory and he's about to be turned into sausage links which begs the question did the snake guy plan this out like we're all the auditions him trying to actually get money through Walt and then he said yeah this isn't working out let's just eat him or was this some intricate way of trying to get him to the meat factory the world is losing a nice girl but it's gaining some great sausage again once more with feeling I do not follow this story but Walt's friends come to the rescue and the bee stings the snake to which then the villain snake screams for like ten seconds [Music] [Applause] [Music] and if we have not suffered enough what we think at this stupid lesson out of nowhere about not lying as if a moral to the story is going to save this movie won't when folks stop lying they often don't know when to stop yeah which is why it's better not to lie at all but when enough people make false promises words stop meaning anything Walters friends then go back to the farm and the movie is over all right so let's go over my five points usually I start off with a story but uh we'll save that one for last instead let's talk about the voice acting so yeah it sucked again I'm under the impression that these voice actors are actually locked up into prison under Michael's lake house and are being forced to record lines if that's the case then they did a fantastic job like real amazing stuff ten out of ten blink twice if you need rescue next there's the dialogue just like the rest of this movie it doesn't make any sense at one moment you have characters talking about living on the farm and then out of nowhere they start talking about aliens and ghosts the dialogue jerks you back and forth and leaves you confused with what the hell is going on don't blink you might miss everything [Music] after that there's the editing not much to say really it was low-tier stuff but there was this one moment that really messed with me so the snake I was reaching out to turn off the TV which I don't even know how he did because he has no arms but the sound effect that's maybe when he reaches out to it sounds like some kind of crumbled up soda can what the hell was that then there's the animation the pigs look like flesh monsters that's the best way I can describe it and it gets even worse when Walt wears a cast in the hospital a cast that is the same color as his skin so it looks like his arm has some kind of massive growth on it I can't see anything the price of fashion everything else is trash I'm pretty sure that the studio had a bunch of models lying around and said hey let's make a movie and that's why we see random aliens and ghosts and bugs that look like they're from different properties heck the car that the snake drives is the same character from a cars life except this time he has no eyes or mouth I have no mouth and I must scream characters clip their movement is slow and clunky the textures are and the backgrounds are minimal at best and not in a good way they strike out in every category and the visuals have nothing to offer except for laughing and how bad they look my personal favorite is the snake paddle mutant creature that's probably begging for death you poor miserable thing and finally there's the story I I don't know what to say like I'm pretty sure I could have written a better story over the course of an hour for the movie to go from a farm to a motel to Hollywood and then a meat factory there's just no rhyme or reason characters just show up out of nowhere saying and doing things that make zero sense oh no these people stole $10 worth of gasoline better send out my armed motorcycle guards who shoot missiles none of the characters are likable and they offer nothing of interest Walt's a gullible idiot the purple spider is annoying and preachy the yellow spider doesn't do anything at all the villain snake has spotty logic that's constantly confusing me and then you have this offensive French bee who just randomly shows up and says stuff that's more like commentary than actual character interaction and I love how at the end of the movie everybody suddenly cares about the be like more than Walt or the other characters oh no be not you but then the B is just fine and the movie shoves a moral in our face thinking it can teach a lesson to the audience gotta get on the good side of the Christian viewers right you didn't remember that only the Tengu ate the pie would know that yeah but you should tell the truth because it's the right thing to do not because it's easier than remembering what you said the way the story progresses is confusing and it doesn't make any sense it's more like an unfocused fanfiction if anything like why did the villain snake go through all the trouble of trying to get Walt a job in Hollywood what his end game was to turn Walt to meet that doesn't make any sense and if his idea was to get Walt to the meat factory all along that doesn't make any sense either like it no matter how you play this out it doesn't make sense honestly guys I have no idea this movie sucks my butt really hurts all right so how do we improve the movie easy don't make it and I'm being a hundred percent honest I can't think of a single way of salvaging this film outside of just not creating it to begin with the film has no focus and there was only made to cash in on unsuspecting people who can't tell the difference between movies it's shameless its garbage and it's one of the worst things I've ever reviewed on my channel the only silver lining is laughing at how bad it is so in that regard I highly recommend it go check it out it did not take long the homework 8 spot quickly now I hate being home I always hated homework hey guys thanks again for watching the video if you want to see more reviews or video essays make sure you subscribe to the channel as of right now I got some big projects planned for August so it should be a really fun month with some interesting topics I've been working on also big shout-out to my patrons for supporting me you want to check me on patreon hit the link in the description all right thanks for watching and I'll see you all next time [Music]

Channel: Saberspark

Views: 1,029,437

Rating: 4.9730372 out of 5

Keywords: saberspark, saber, what the hell is, animation, review, What the HELL is Spider's Web: A Pig's Tale?, What the HELL is Spider's Web, trash, bad animated movie, Spider's Web: A Pig's Tale

Id: WoqPqp7RHJE

Length: 17min 57sec (1077 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 26 2019

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