what pumpkins actually think of October

well it's officially spooky season as you girls call it or as i call it cemetery season because we're all [ __ ] dying all of us dead dead we're gonna get gutted stabbed repeatedly you cook my inside these are all the dead homies that guy right there carl r.i.p he never stood a chance he told me he's like i wish it was a gourd i don't know what the [ __ ] that is this right here you see this this is a henna that's not even a real carving okay i want people to think that i'm last year's pumpkin i was just tired of all these basic ass [ __ ] running up on me oh that one's a big one he's a nice plump one okay it's a goddamn pandemic i'm not working out you aren't either i'm a little fat all right what's wrong with that worst part is people don't even believe you people want to come up and test me coming out to me is this one good is this one good good yeah what are you doing what stop touching me bro spooky season you're 29 years old the only thing spooky is the fact that you don't know what a 401k is are you good are you good dog you probably think the k stands for goddamn candy corn candy corn i'm tired of being born bro somebody pat this guy down you got a blade on you dog what's up bro you guys are putting me in the same category as candy corn whose call was that that's not the color of corn what's up dude dog come on man i'm happy look i'm fine dude take me home let me see where you live come on let's go to your place bro that ain't no cat that's a homie lenny i miss you lynn dog all right i thought this was the year y'all matured a little bit i had four dudes come pick me up i was like hell yeah me and the boys hitting lunch we gonna buff the wild wings now i'm getting buffalo wild fling into the street why can't you see i'm more than just an instagram caption okay squash goals i'm a father those are my kids you guys think i like being a pumpkin i'm two letters away from being a blumkin do you know what that is people make fun of me because i have warts on my back i can't remove those i can't even reach my back i can't even wipe my own ass bro hey man i don't wanna i don't want a problem yeah i know you don't want a problem because you want a pumpkin dude and i got a little something all year goes by nobody [ __ ] with a boy okay december my phone is dry january i don't even exist february my own mother won't even call me back but she's dead at a marie calendar somebody made her into a pie but i want to talk about it bro all of a sudden i get one drink at starbucks my phone is blowing up where you at pumpkin where you at pumpkin pumpkin spice latte oh pumpkin spice you saute i know jiu jitsu bro i'm an orange belle well i'm all orange but pumpkin spice into everything nice you're literally stabbing me to death that that's nice to you rebecca where's my residual starbucks huh where's the starbucks at baby cause i ain't seeing [ __ ] you know what psl stands for pumpkins suffering living leaves are falling autumn is calling so is your family call your dad back jennifer call him you think i'm sweating because it's hot outside no bro i'm sweating because november 1st is coming up all right i text all my friends that are turkeys and i'm like what's good in november is how is it all of them said skull emoji new year never heard of her my calendar stops november 1st all right is there november 2nd i don't know ask anybody here they don't know either oh [ __ ] oh god no no no seven girls just got out of the same suburban all wearing a flannel with the jeans tucked into the uggs oh you're coming with me bro i got 48 hours left to live dog i ain't getting the last meal people take me and make me a meal pumpkin seeds really those are my intestines bro what kind of ted bundy [ __ ] are y'all on dude i honestly i'm starting to think ted bundy isn't too bad okay ted bunny was going after a person you guys are going after a pumpkin common mistake people pumpkins same [ __ ] to me i'll just use it till we dead inside but that's fine i've always been dead inside if you don't like autumn you can leave me alone hey how about you leaf me alone huh put put the butcher's blade down put it down you see security out here they ain't doing [ __ ] people just straight up coming in here with the machete being like i like that one and they're just do something you ain't scaring [ __ ] why can't i just been a squash like my cousin he at least gets to go above the fireplace all year and [ __ ] ain't nobody stabbing the homie squash i mean they do cut them into fine little pieces squashy's cut up too that's payback that [ __ ] shows me 20 stress bless pumpkin obsessed but what restraining order girl you know for a second i thought this fame [ __ ] was cool you know i was on every bitch's boomerang it was kind of tight you know i had girls with me up in all the right place oh damn shawty i never seen you around on the farm out here what's she doing all that neck huh my stem is getting a little torqued up what you doing tonight you want to let me rearrange them guts get it pumpkin seeds until i saw what she pulled out with her she had a full-on gun what in the louisiana type [ __ ] is going on you're gonna carve a pumpkin with a gun what is this grand theft auto this [ __ ] grand theft hollow i got bullet shells in me right now oh you got you got a scarecrow you got a man yeah sure where's your work a different flower i bet whatever yeah take her take her first you see that that's a homie carter's nose because she's just wearing it like it's a prop [ __ ] carter can't smell [ __ ] he can't even smell his own latte 15 [Applause] 14 keep going what [ __ ] keep going this handle halloween town [Music] i say keep going who do y'all work for huh you got you got gopros behind them eyes y'all got gopros around there what's up bro what is that is that a gopro the [ __ ] you so happy for people die here i need a psl pumpkin spice liquor thank you to gilchrist family farms for allowing me to fill at their beautiful establishment they got pumpkin patches horses slides you name it all socially distanced check them out if you're in the santa clarita valley what you doing after this are you sorry guys got any booze yeah i'll come with y'all

Channel: Trevor Wallace

Views: 893,751

Rating: 4.9840207 out of 5

Keywords: trevor wallace, trevor walace, travis wallace, white claw, kyle, monster, bang energy, trevor wallace cherdleys

Id: wdvj2Yv2NAQ

Length: 5min 37sec (337 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 05 2020