What Is Your Cringe-Worthiest Story Ever? | People Stories #488

reddit what is your cringe-worthiest story ever my first time learning to water ski i was a natural at it and had so much fun until i crashed water shot straight up my butt at 30 miles per hour and tore part of my rectum the boat zipped back around to get me because i sank and they thought my leg was broken but instead i got hauled out of the water by my life jacket with blood streaming out of my butt not one of my finest moments one time in elementary school i was sick and asked the teacher to go to the office so i could call my dad i went to the office and there were two phones one for the intercom and one for outside calls i decided not to ask and to just use the first phone i saw i proceeded to call my father and tell him my tummy feels bad and he replied with don't you worry i'll be there soon to pick you up turns out i had used the intercom phone and that my call with my father was broadcasted throughout the entire school to everyone it still makes feel awful every time i think about it at least you didn't have chronic shotgun diarrhea my parents called me into their room a while back and asked why i said excuse me why what out of sheer confusion and utter panic that they had found out i had done something wrong my dad just looked at me dead in the eyes and in a voice that was quiet and sad i know we know what you've been looking at on the computer it hurts me us that you can't even be honest with us about that so why did you do it at this point in my mind i am flipping my crap i'm evaluating whether they saw my standard vanilla pee or some of the stuff that is out there i'm wondering how the heck am i going to play this off and i'm wondering if i am going to get in insane amounts of trouble depending on what they saw at this point my mind is racing and eventually i just start to cry yes cry i know i'm a little bee and i say through the tears i don't know it just it just appeals to me i'm sorry i know it's wrong and i know i shouldn't be doing it and i'll stop just please don't punish me i looked up at my parents and they burst into laughter in my mind i'm like wow i really do look pathetic my dad is clutching his sides from laughing when he says we were joking with you we haven't found anything on your computer we called you in here to tell you that we're just giving you money for your birthday he barely gets those words out through him laughing so i am relieved and shocked and glad that they didn't find anything as i get up and start walking out the door my mom stops laughing and says what were you so sorry about what are you looking at and that's the cringe-worthy story about how i was tricked by my parents and how they found my pee oh dude i don't even that's awful always plead not guilty till they tell you what they are talking about i pulled the chair away from under my sizeable grandma when she went to sit down to christmas lunch in 1977. i was six she was 73 stupidest thing about it was that it wasn't opportunistic it was premeditated i freaking planned it all out in my feeble brain imagining i'd get a huge laugh and props from all around for executing such a smashing prank thankfully grandma wasn't killed outright when she crunched down flat on her back in front of 50 members of my family on christmas day after everyone screamed in horror and rushed over to pick her up hour ollie went on to live to 98 years old passing peacefully in 2002 not to do with me i still grown audibly and my stomach flip flops when i think about christmas 77 thanks very freaking much for making me remember this ridic but since i am here rest well lolly we love you i'm crying from laughing thank you poor ollie coming back from spring break in cancun with my three best friends we had a three-hour layover in miami and route to jfk we are all about to board the plane when all of the sudden this guy in sunglasses with an enormous entourage surrounding him makes his way through the crowd of passengers and cuts to the front of the line american airlines customer service was not having it and told the guy he was going to have to wait to board the plane like everyone else the guy starts to explain that he's got a first class ticket and the rest of first class has already boarded so he should be allowed to board before passengers sitting in business and coach he gets denied and told to wait in line everyone knows he's a big deal but can't figure out who he is so they all just start asking for his autograph the guy was pretty aggravated from being told to wait on the line but obliged to signing some things after about three minutes of watching everyone get this guy's autograph my friends decide they want one too and a picture i was assigned to be the photographer since i had zero interest in who this guy was nor did i care because the way i see it is if i can't recognize them they aren't that important to me am i right so my three best friends get all cute and pose with this guy i take the picture they say thank you and then there's just this moment of silence suddenly i realize we still have no idea who the frick this guy is so as soon as he says you're welcome i blurt out and can we know who you even are he just looked at me disgusted it turned out to be john legend once at a church picnic i proclaimed to one of the deacons before a ball game let's kick some clitoris maximus i meant to say gluteus maximus either way it was cringeworthy one time i was sitting on the floor watching tv and saw a jelly bean on the floor since it was right after easter i thought nothing if it and picked it up as i was about to pop it in my mouth i notice it feels sort of weird i look at it and turn it over and see eight little squirming red legs i throw that crap down and have a mini panic attack it was a tick that was so filled with blood it looked like a big jelly bean no woke up one morning when i was 14 there was an unfocused dark line crossing my line of sight assuming my eyes just needed to clear i move my my hand toward my face to give them a quick rub that's when the palm-sized spider scurried across my face couldn't sleep right for weeks after i read that i made noise that i have never made before sounded like agape working in facility for the disabled surrounded by people in wheelchairs some can't even move anything but their eyes some are so mentally handicapped they just twitch and draw some are almost completely normal co-worker tells hilarious story i react by exclaiming loudly man that is [ __ ] oh god why also used to have a bad habit of saying don't die after people sneezed one said it to an elderly relative at a funeral not my story but my friend worked as a waiter in chavis which actually earned him some pretty nice tips he enjoyed his job and enjoyed joking around with the customers one day he was serving a family and the father was commenting on his own white skin one of his kids asked if he should go out in the sun more to which the father replied i prefer to be in the shade my friend asked what are you a vampire father no i have skin cancer oh man hopefully everyone sees this i was at the reenactment of the boston massacre at the old state house in the air there was the sweet aroma of a black and mild cigar i love that smell so much so much that i felt the need to say out loud omg i smell a black standing next to me was a black man and he said what the frick did you just say i profusely apologize and tried to explain i was referring to the cigar i slowly moved over and never returned to that location haha i pictured the black guy as six feet eight with a really deep threatening voice which makes it even more hilarious when i was on the high school swim team we were showering after practice when a guy walked into the shower area naked being teenage guys we kept our suits on while showing however at first glance this guy looked like a teammate so i sarcastically yelled woohoo parties started and started clapping it wasn't my friend it was my dad stockbroker a few years later and now he's my stockbroker every time i see him i cringe and think about what a [ __ ] i was um tl dr 14 year old me met my future stock broker by cheering as he entered the room naked a girl whose mother died a few months earlier was telling me how she was going to have dinner in a posh restaurant my scumbag brain decided to reply with yeah well guess what my mum's cooking mine you jelly i didn't realize i said it until a few minutes later in the conversation dude about five years ago i was really stoned and it was around 3 a.m it was dark in the kitchen and the only thing to eat was peanut butter i ate a few spoonfuls and was satisfied so i sealed up the jar and went to bed i woke up later on and decided i'd eat peanut butter again only to open the jar and see the peanut butter was moving there were what appeared to be thousands of tiny sugar ants inside the jar i realized i had eight spoonfills of and covered peanut butter and haven't been able to eat it since not even a reese's peanut butter cup i once took a walking tour of berlin as we got close to the holocaust memorial which is like a thousand individual granite blocks my friend that i was traveling with starts running towards them absent-mindedly and starts hopping from one to the other the tour guide and i both shouted out at the same time to stop but i still cringe thinking about it nowadays so i know this guy right he's pretty nice i see him around campus we're friendly and if we happen to be on the same flight we would try to sit next to each other but we aren't besties or anything that sort of friendship so one day i go to study hall which is completely empty except for him he's got his computer and a bunch of school books out taking up the space of maybe three people which is totally fine i mean the place is empty so i pull a seat out so that it's next to him but not in the way of his stuff and he says sorry i take up a lot of space to which i responded don't worry about it fatty he just stares at me for a minute says i'm anorexic then packs up all his stuff and moves to the other side of the study hall all while i'm desperately trying to apologize tl dr i called an anorexic kid fatty for some reason i don't like him and i don't even know why it's not that i don't like anorexic people i just don't like him i was just thinking about this yesterday may as well share it when i was around five or six a guy my dad worked with died in a motorcycle accident i wouldn't say they were close but probably more than just acquaintances again i was like five i say this based on how sad i remember my dad being not long after it happened my mom and dad had his parents over for dinner now my memories of this dinner are obviously really hazy the only thing i remember vividly is what i said but i think the mother said something like i just wish i could tell josh and then i fire back with well why don't you just dig him up open his eyelids and let him know again that's all i really remember i've mercifully forgotten their reaction although i vaguely remember my mom telling me later on that you're not supposed to say things like that i know it doesn't really measure up to the toothpick or the ants but this memory crops up every so often and it's the worst oh god why moment of my life when i was in first grade our school had a giant courtyard we played in scattered along this courtyard were these weird metal structures with cement blocks inside of them i'm not sure what they were but i know they were fun to climb the cement blocks inside of them had these metal handles sticking straight out of them as well so one particular day i'm climbing this structure i slip and i fall straight down onto the cement block and the handle hits me right in the crotch i cringe to say the least tl dr climbing strange structure fell down took a metal handle to the vagina to paraphrase betty white i don't understand the expression grow some balls balls are fragile and sensitive it should be grow a vagina those things can't take a pounding i know many of you will undoubtedly top this but it still makes me cringe to this day i was about 18 stoned and drunk chasing a friend down a hill towards a street i stumbled at the curb and slid face first into the street and oncoming traffic i heard screeching tires the sound of colliding cars still face down in the street i looked to my left to see a car bumper and a tire about a foot from my head stopped that was my near darwinian moment and what could have been still haunts me if you didn't poop your pants you're 10x the man most of us are when i was in kindergarten i went to the bathroom all by myself i was wearing sandals without any socks i opened the bathroom door and stubbed my toe on it i proceed to pee and then go back to class when i get back i look at my toe and all i see is blood it turns out that i had ripped my big toenail clean off that was the hardest i have ever cried in my entire life i had a lady friend over she was giving me head she did not like to swallow i did not know that after i finished i assumed she had swallowed as my head was leaned back on the couch and my eyes were closed getting head style she asks if we are going to frick and i say heck yes we get up and i grab the cups off the table as i head up the stairs with her in front i take a huge gulp of water not water not anymore frothy stringy salty best description i spewed it out onto her back we still freaked i know that is very similar to american pie or one of the sequels with stifler doing it but it happened to me years before those movies happened i lost my left index finger when i was in third grade how i was driving an atv at a very young age i was beginning to veer off the road because i wasn't paying attention to what i was doing so at a speed of 45 miles per hour or so i jerked real hard to the left the atv flipped over multiple times and in shock i gripped onto the handlebars and my finger scraped against the pavement bent backwards and all but snapped off hanging on by the skin my left arm was broken at the elbow my skin on my lower back scabbed over from road burn and seal to my clothing having to eventually be peeled off later on when they cleaned my finger i was wide awake with no numbing agent i watched the nurses she picked bits of shattered bone and pebbles from the gaping wound that was my finger i later learned that they tried healing the wound by reattaching the end of my finger which failed this resulted in me having a black dead fingertip sewn onto my stub for a week until i could go back to the doctor they decided that it was unable to heal so they wrapped the remaining muscle around the end of the bone and sewed it up i cringe every time i think about it but i'm thankful that i'm alive i'm so sorry i'd hate to lose one of my precious fingers when i was young say seven or eight years old i was playing with legos in my room i had dumped the whole bin on the floor basically covering it all in lego when my mom tells me that we are going for diner and a movie excited me runs out of the room without cleaning up when i get back at around 10 p.m my mother tells me to go straight to bed i walk into my room without turning on the lights and step full force on a sea of lego since the whole floor was covered i could not regain balance by putting my other foot down i ended up doing an odd painful penguin like walk through an ocean of lego to get to the soft safety that was my bed to this day i still remember the agonizing pain i had experienced that night awesome i was on mushrooms in amsterdam just following my group through the streets going to random places and different museums shortly after i'd given the person some money behind the counter for a ticket i realized i was at the freaking anne frank house jesus christ i make it up the stairs and i'm shrooming and meanwhile little hidden stereo voices are going they're coming emulating the sound of persecuted jews hiding in the attic at the top of the stairs i'm walking out of and holy freak not now no no no no no and i am freaking laughing hysterically reaching my peak at the top of the anne frank stairs and i am laughing my butt off i cannot help it i am fully aware of how wrong this is so i guess instinctively i bury my face in my hands and act like i'm balling like this is how an american laughs like and story's over can't stop laughing great story i thought my pies daughters were sons they are young and had bold cuts and were wearing androgynous clothing the worst part is that he corrected me and i did believe him for a solid minute many years ago i was at an a meeting there was a guy there who i knew by face and who i would chat with once in a while it was a birthday night and he asked me to introduce him only i didn't actually know his name or really anything at all about him i said yes that was quite the cringe-worthy experience one night i had meatloaf for dinner but didn't finish it all so the next day i decided to have a piece of the leftover meatloaf that had accidentally been left on the counter i didn't even look at it to see if there was anything on it and bit it then i felt something tickled my face i thought it was my hair and continued eating that's when i bit into something that exploded in my mouth it was extremely sour so i thought something was wrong with the meatloaf so i threw it out i went back to the counter to find half of it and struggling to get up and walk though it had no abdomen turns out the ant had been on the piece of meat meatloaf i bit into and i bit its freaking butt off and ate it i will never again eat meat loaf etl dr bit into meat low fat had been left out all night and ended up biting half of an ant off and the other half of said and ran across my face i'm more disgusted that you left meat out overnight and then ate it but seriously though the ant is gross too when i was about seven i was eating buncher crunch and watching tv late at night bunch of crunches that chocolate that is in crunchy little balls it was dark and the tv supported the only light i dropped the whole box of buncher crunch on the floor so i start to pick them all up and eat them i came across something that was a little softer but still the shape i was looking for i popped it in my mouth and instantly realized that poop tastes exactly how it smells i ran to bathroom and wiped my mouth out because i really had just eaten a small piece of crap how that elusive crap got on the floor i have no goddang idea we had no pets at the time but god dang it that was a piece of crap it's pretty unmistakable but one time i was helping my high school debate team clean up from a fundraising event when i decided to show off my skills i started swinging around my broom like it was a staff and accidentally hit my favorite teacher in the face as she came around the corner i keep asking myself what the frick made me think that swinging a broom around in a small space like that was okay i want to erase that memory so bad warning this is a crappy story for years in high school i crushed on this guy when he finally texted me after high school i explained my love for him and told him that i would make him like me no matter what it took because i always get the guys i like except i'm ugly and have never had a boyfriend in theory i thought it was funny and confident and all that great crap looking back it was really freaking creepy and i'll probably never live that down my story isn't that great compared to others but i still feel waves of shame and embarrassment when i think about it this is going to get buried but in ninth grade i went on a snorkeling trip with my biology class i almost round bc my mask wasn't on tight enough and the first words out of my mouth when i crawled up on shore to my friends like some sort of ragged crab was there is so much water in my vagina i looked over and see my biology teacher staring straight at me a couple weeks later each member of our class had to write a long paper about our findings in the ocean when i got mine back from the same teacher i noticed that i had misspelled disc and wrote dong instead tsk at the time i was a fairly hardcore triathlete i had only time for other athletes and had just broken up with a triathlete girlfriend and some time later started dating another triathlete girl it was super early in the morning at a triathlon with a new girl i hadn't gotten much sleep and we were busy getting ready for the race we meet some people hi oh and this is my girlfriend amy i a little while later comma oathbreaker my name is heather not amy i swear to you i did not break up with the new girl only to protect myself from having to face my shame every time i saw her or went anywhere with her there were plenty of other much more legitimate real issues involved apparently this guy is a triathlete i asked a girl out like three times in one day because i was young stupid and unable to read signals she then joked that she was actually a lesbian because i asked too much very embarrassing upside is that we are good friends now so it wasn't all bad i've lived a nightmare no brother wants to live i've been there man i know the feel but the incident left me stronger so much stronger i'll never fear the red river again my sister went off to college on my 13th birthday best birthday ever i even got my own room for the first time in my life well she came back the summer after as many college students do nice little me cleaned my room perfectly for her and told her she could have her room for the time she was home she told me she wouldn't need it since she was going to be sleeping at friends houses most of the time and that i should just sleep there so my innocent self goes to sleep with my nice clean clear floor when i wake up i step out of bed but something is wrong here what is wet on my floor i look down to see my god the horror i guess my sister while drunk out with friends started her period and by that i mean murdered someone in her pants she decided to stop by the house to change and for whatever freaking reason thought my room would be a find place to do that but she forgot to clean up i'm horrified by how close these were to my bed wtf sis i screamed ran to the bathroom crying and scrubbed my foot for about 30 minutes straight after i realized what it was now it's just a funny story to laugh about and it really did make me a stronger man girlfriend starts her period while we're banging shrug it off no problem she leaves a tampon in the bathroom so that which doesn't kill you simply makes you stronger tl dr drunk sister changed in my her old room after starting her period left dirty panties next to my bed for me to step on when i awoke to what i thought was my clean room from the night before thank you kelly clarkson if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 30,143

Rating: 4.8874559 out of 5

Keywords: cringe worthy compilation, cringe worthy, cringe worthy moments, cringe worthy attitude, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, reddit stories 2021

Id: LFrzjpTALGY

Length: 24min 46sec (1486 seconds)

Published: Sun May 09 2021