[upbeat music] This month of May, we celebrate Mother's Day. But I truly believe in my heart,
now that I'm a mother as well, "Mother's Day shouldn't just be
celebrated in one day." "It should be celebrated every single day." Because me and you... and everyone else will not be here
if not for our mothers. And very very grateful... because she allowed us
to share her wonderful journey. - Ms. Candy Pangilinan.
- Wow! - Thank you Kends!
- Thank you as well. Last time we've worked... 2010? Kokey. - You still remember?
- Yes, long time ago. Because I've watched an interview of yours, I couldn't help but to weep and cry. I was informed by Alex. - Really?
- We've met and Alex said: You know my sister, after giving birth... she now cries a lot, she said. She watched your interview
and she kept on crying. I want to have her checked up, she said. Obviously, before having a child, - first, you'll fall in love, right?
- mhmm... Yes. And then the product of
your romance is formed. (which is Quentin) What age did you get married? Thirty-one or thirty-two. So thirty-one, thirty-two, you got married. And then right after you got married,
"Did you got pregnant soon?" No. Not that soon. But correct, I was married at 31. Because a year after that
was when we have decided. - To have a baby?
- Yes. Actually, it's like this... Even before I got pregnant,
"We're on the rocks." We were together for 10 years. After getting married... we're falling apart,
even before our wedding, I have caught him red-handed. But most women feel that people will change. I felt that, "A baby will save it..." ahh... "...that's why I decided to get pregnant." - So after giving birth...
- Here we go. Before I gave birth, he's still there but he was saying that he'll leave me. So during the whole time you're pregnant, emotionally... Yes, he told that to me;
at least he gave notice. [laughs] - That's irritating!
- I'm well informed. Really? Yes. Once our child was born,
he called it his "souvenir." (very unforgettable) - Oh, shocks!
- I was very pregnant then. You're very pregnant, towards the end of the pregnancy, - you were dealing with marital problems.
- Yes. That's tough, right? We experience hardships
as a woman while pregnant, because we change
physically and emotionally. - That's what happens to us.
- Exactly. And during that time... I only had one show, Whattamen... they've also made me pregnant in the story, because they don't want me to go. So while taping, I felt that: This was the only time... when my sanity returns because I'm busy. It's a real mess when I'm at home, right? Then to make a long story short: I gave birth; after a month I gave birth... he left and never came back. Although, he gave me a notice. - He said he went golfing.
- [laughs] - A month after pregnancy?
- Yes, less than a month. He said he went golfing, and then... I don't know what kind of hole he shot. Sorry. - He never came back?
- He never came back. Maybe he played with Tiger Woods
and I wasn't informed. I don't know actually which was
postpartum from depression. I couldn't really decipher. I've reached a point where I'm like... Is this hormonal? Maybe not because it seems real... and it's a sad turn of events. - I was like that.
- You're assessing the situation? Yes. And I consulted a...
psychiatrist. Rather, psychologist; there was no medicine. (psychologist) I went to the psychologist
because my ex told me before: -"I was crazy."
- ohh... I thought of many things...
He said, "You're crazy." He said that because... - I was accusing him for having other woman.
- hmm... I said, "So I'm crazy?" - He left because I'm crazy?
- mmm... But I felt like it's true, so I went to a psychologist
for a checkup - if I'm really crazy.
- hmm... They said I wasn't crazy.
The bra I found wasn't mine. [laughs] - That solve the bra problem.
- Yes. - It was not your bra.
- It's not mine. - But your ex made you believe it was.
- Yes, and I believed. - That you have a problem.
- Yes. Wow, talk about his manipulation. But it's true that "love is really blind," but your neighbors can see. People around you, they see the truth. But you do not see it... you just want to believe what you wanted, right? You don't listen to others. But you knew it in your heart,
because we have a woman's intuition. - You felt it in your heart?
- mhmm... You'll know it... But why did you pursue it that time? Was there a chance that he'll change? You know, sometimes... when you get everything you want,
you feel in control. (I was like that before) "No. I can do this. I can do this." It's like a toy that I can't have. - You know?
- It became a challenge? Yes, it became a challenge. And I was in-love and I chose to marry him. - You loved him.
- That's why I married him. Then, I was like "No. I need to forgive." I need to forgive because
the Bible said to forgive them. (like that) I need to forgive him. But after he left, my sister brought me to a...
spiritual counselor. And my spiritual counselor
was the one who told me: "You know, Candy... dignity is a gift." Of course... that did not register in my mind. I'm still like "No. Get my husband back." That's our prayer;
we have to pray the same. My mom was like "Thy will be done." It's different! It must be... - "Bring him back."
- Yes. Don't confuse God. (I was like that before) - Different prayers.
- Yes. That's bad. "Just one prayer for us." My spiritual counselor said: You know, Candy, it's like this... Imagine giving me a Lacoste shirt, okay. Then you went to my house, you saw the Lacoste shirt which was
brand new when you gave me, and I turned it into a rag... "Will you get mad?" I was asked and I said, "Yes." "That's what God feels for you." Because you're making a rag
out of your life and dignity. I was startled... "Okay..." "...I'm okay now." Then I realized so many things: You do not quarrel when you're both alone; there were so many signs in front of us, but due to being hardheaded... "We still continue what we want even though
God is sending us so many signs." It's in front of you, right? You know it already, but you dismiss it. "You don't want to follow
God's will and God's hand." You want your own way. - "This is what I want."
- Yes. - So you fought till the very end.
- Yes. - Until he was the one who walked away.
- mhmm... - When Quentin was a month old.
- Yes. What did you notice to Quentin
when he was growing up? Actually, it's not me; it was my...
it was my mom. She said, "Have his eyes checked." It's either cross-eyed or wall-eyed. So I brought him to an eye doctor,
a child eye doctor... they checked him... Suddenly I'm told:
"Go to a developmental doctor." - How old was Quentin then?
- 9 months. I went to a developmental doctor;
they have a checklist there, and most were "yes" from that checklist. It had numbers from one to five,
and I'm like all five's. I said, "Ah... okay." What were those questions
that have numbers? Did he crawl? - No. He did not crawl.
- ohh... - It was vital for the developmental stages.
- Yes, every month. Yes. I'm asked if he made an "ooh" sound? None so far. Is he into circles? Yes, he likes them? He's more focused on circles. Does he tiptoe? Did he try to tiptoe? - Yes.
- mmm... He's trying to tiptoe. Reaches something... then tiptoes,
but feet aren't flat on the floor. Doctor said: Let's go to an OT...
Occupational Therapist, then to a speech, and physical therapist. I said, "What's happening?" Doctor said: I will not give your son a diagnose
at this point because it's very early, but I want you to go to a therapy... (a therapist) Your son is... different. Have you heard about ADHD... ...and autism? Doctor asked me. So I'm like this... So I was, at that time... I was recovering from a marital breakup, I went inside the car, and I said:
"Okay. Go! What's the plan?" "Let's do this." (that's my mindset) I was told by the doctor
"no time to delay" because every day counts for your child. But it hadn't dawned on me. When the therapy started... (frequently) - that's when it dawned on me...
- It sank in. Yes. What sank in? Ah... This can't be solved by therapy only. This may be for life. Even medicines can't, like taking a paracetamol then it's cured. Ah... Then I see other children, I said: "Oh my gosh! My son's different." Then I started to... notice other kids outside,
I observe them... "Ah, yes." These kids are talking, but my son hasn't. He's not walking either. Ah.. And the therapist told me: We're not sure if your son can walk or talk. Ah, I see. Being a mother as well,
that's hard to process. - A first time mom?
- Yeah! But at that time, I was like... "What will I do? Lord, what shall I do?" I have nothing... - I have nothing left...
- Nothing. (none) You'll just plead it in a prayer, so you just pray about it. What did you say to God? What I really told Him was... "Help." And secondly, I said: "Lord..." "...be a father." (because my father's gone) but I said: "Lord, Father God..." "...be a father to me and a father to Quentin." People asked if I madly questioned God. I did not reach that point. I did not blame Him or
questioned many things... I believe my mindset was... all about the solutions, maybe that's just my personality. I'm like, "What needs to be done?" (that's me) "How can we help and
how can we move forward?" - blaming won't solve things.
- mhmm... Our breakup was also a blessing,
everything was a blessing. "Everything is a blessing." The breakup was like
the Lord's preparation for me. He changed my character,
he changed my mindset, my perception about things,
to be ready for Quentin. What changed? How did God change you? How did He prepare you for Quentin? "Before, I felt like..." "...my husband is my god." My life revolved around him. "I need to know where he is" All I did was to be like a detective, right? Where is he? What's he doing? (those thoughts) - It revolved around him.
- Yes, because I was always... doubtful and suspicious. Then I've realized that... "My gosh! This is not it." When you're tired and
you offer it all to the Lord, like everything unfolds
and it becomes a miracle. The burden gets lighter, right? So when Quentin came,
this was the challenge upfront... "Ah, God has a reason." I know there is a reason for this. Did you find the reason? Today, I'm thinking... if Quentin was not like this, I might be still living my old life. Right? I would still go out, I would still be doing my vices. With all the affirmations I'm getting... I've realized: "Ah..." "...there are mothers who undergo this as well." mhmm... And they need the encouragement also, and they need hope. - That's why you made this book?
- Yes! It's a journal of... what I went through... like finding a school,
therapist, doctor—it's there. You said that Quentin is a miracle... Yes. He's my ticket to heaven because... I've learned a lot from him: Like patience, tolerance... and how to live simply. (having a simple life) He's so grateful and
appreciative of simple things. Before, you need to impress me,
but now it's changed. I now enjoy the simple things. - Yes, that's fun!
- [laughs] (that's fun) You're able to look at the world differently... - through his eyes.
- Yes. There was a time I felt so bad,
when Quentin's a bit older, I cried because of all the ill feelings. He went outside and saw me, then he asked: "What's wrong, mom?" I said... you know, that someone did... "Someone did something really bad to us." He asked me: "Did you do bad?" I said: "No. You have no problem." I realized that when you scold a child, We say.... "That's bad..." [scold him] "Did you do something bad?" No. Good. [you don't scold him] - It's that simple.
- Yes. Simplifies our lives. If you haven't done something bad,
"You're good." - mhmm...
- We have no issues. Then I've realized one thing... this was taught to me
by my spiritual counselor: If you want to live peacefully with Quentin, and not have challenges in life,
remember this: That's so true. Right? While other kids... brag about their "high" grades. I'm different: - "He did his best!"
- [laughs] - Right?
- mhmm... While other kids are being
honored with medals... Mine's best in attendance; never absent. [laughs] He's never late as well. - We're not late.
- We're not late. - And he's best in costume.
- Yeah! - He's best in costume.
- [laughs] - He'll wear any type of costume.
- [laughs] You learn to be grateful with what you have. Yes, because I realized so much: Our hands, we don't realize how... how blessed we are that
we can touch, we can feel, we have grips, we have holds. When it was our first therapy with Quentin, a twenty-five cent, needs to be picked and placed in a coin box, "Very tough." Quentin cries over that twenty-five cent, - ohh...
- because he couldn't. He couldn't pick it up and put it inside. ahh... - For us, that's nothing!
- It's nothing. Right? - To him, it's hard.
- That's his frustration? Yes. Buttoning... for us... - Yes, no need to think.
- Yes, it's almost automatic. For them... "It's an activity. It's a task." And the mere fact that we can
comprehend and communicate... - And express our feelings...
- Yes, express our feelings is a blessing. (it's really a blessing) What's the hardest part? Actually, it's the rejection of many kinds. - Discrimination?
- Yes... - Lots of it.
- That's the hardest? - For a mother...
- Yeah. ...because for him, it's nothing. When you attend parties and
no one plays with your child. So what Quentin did, when we're attending a party,
he'll bring his toys. Maybe he know no one will play with him. And as a single mom, - I had experience also those schools...
- mhmm... that don't accept single moms. - Really?
- Really. There was a time... graduation of Quentin: - He's in the practice...
- mhmm... My son repeated kinder. (isn't that great?) - He mastered kinder.
- Yes, master's in kinder. Did your kids have master's in kinder? None. - He did it twice.
- Yes, it's twice. - He mastered kinder.
- Yes. Then, my mom wanted him to big schools: All of you went to big schools
while your son... studies in a small school.
So how did we got in? My mom knew the owner of the school. That's how we got in. Sadly, they didn't let him graduate kinder; although he's done it twice, - he's supposed to be in grade 1.
- Yes. He did kinder 3 times. - He mastered it.
- He mastered kinder. So during our third time, our maid said: "Ma'am..." "...we'll have a picture." We'll have a picture, toga, practice... Then... I said: "Are you sure? Last year, we had those." We had a graduation picture last year, - but he didn't graduate.
- Oh, okay. She said: "Ma'am, this is sure." - Okay. All set?
- I said, "How come?" - There's practice...
- Okay, there's practice. - They let Quentin practice.
- Okay. Then one morning, she called after my taping; (crying) ?????????
- like that. - I said, "What?!"
- [laughs] Quen-tin-was-was-fulled-out. - What full out? Fulled-out.
- [laughs] What fulled-out? Removed from the line.
It's pull out! Pull out! I said, "Why pull him?" She said: "They didn't let him grad duet." What? "He's not grad..."
Wait for me there! - I went to the school.
- Okay. I saw Quentin playing on a corner. Our maid was crying on the other side. Then... ...to make a long story short: The principal saw the incident. I went to the principal and asked, "Why?" "He will not graduate." Graduation is not only for kinders,
there are other levels too. What if he throws a tantrum?
It's embarrassing. I said, "Ah...we'll be practicing." Once were alone... I said, "Please let him graduate already." "No." There's no assurance that he'll behave. How many time did he throw a tantrum? (when there's field day) That's true when Quentin was young, "He'll have a tantrum during programs." So we're always best in walkout, - you take him and leave...
- Yeah. Then you'll say: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," like that. ahh... So what will you do when all levels are there? Including the high school graduation. Principal asked... "What if he throws one?" "You've let the child practice." "Please consider him." But it didn't work. So I said, "Even just giving him
a blank bond paper." So to make a long story short: I cried and pleaded to the principal. But it did not work. We're now heading home, with Quentin, and our yaya who's still crying. She's in front of us, crying. - I said, "Stop it now because I'm affected."
- [laughs] [sobs] Now comes Quentin,
who's still not good in speaking. He said, "Waz wong?" What's wrong? Waz wong. (like that) I said, "Nothing." Then I said to him: "Quentin, do you want to go back there later?" We'll go back later so we can practice going up and down the stage... for your graduation, "Let's go back." Up down up down, we'll practice
and then play after. He told me, he reached for my hand... and said: "No, ma." He said, "I'm good." He said, "I'm K." I'm good. I'm okay. That made me cry more because he said: "No, ma. We're good." (we're good) Because of that... - I befriended our barangay captain.
- [laughs] What an amazing journey! I befriended our barangay captain. I organize events that's why
I have a red carpet. I organize our own graduation in the plaza. You let him graduate? - Only for us.
[laughs] I invited those from our church. To clap hands. - Then he graduated?
- He graduated in the plaza. - Did he throw a tantrum in that graduation?
- No. - He's classmates with his yaya.
- [laughs] Wow! mhmm... I think... all parents, all mothers... who go through that... will also find a way to rise above it. Because I think all mothers... - Want the best for their kids.
- Yes. And they will just cope. When someone asks: How do you balance your time? - Being a mother? And at work?
- For work. You just can't reply... "I have a good schedule from 8 to 9." - You can't!
- Yes. - There's none.
- You'll just wonder... - "How did I do that?"
- Correct! - I'm always asked with those.
- Yes. "I don't really know." How did you handle those
years of being a single mom; while working; then Quentin has special needs, "How did you do that?" - I don't know...
- Right? Because it will just happen. It's like you're born with it. - That's why...
- Maternal instinct. Multi-tasking, also? Only mothers can do the laundry
while they're taking care of kids. - While scolding another child.
- While watching TV. [laughs] Right? - That's a mother.
- Only the mothers. - Can do it all.
- Can do it all. I think all mother's are like that... because you know you have to do it
because it's your purpose: "Mothers are made for a purpose,
and God will help you do it." Make it happen because that is your purpose. "It's tough but it's rewarding to be a mom." That's true.
