Before the month of June ends, because we are also celebrating pride month, I invited someone who gave so much pride to our country because of his world-class talent that has been duly recognized internationally. He finally opens up about that little girl Charice who had to endure all the pain for Jake to finally be set free. Hi Jake. Thank you, hello. It's been a long time, yeah? I know. The last time we saw each other was 2012, right? -Probably, because...
-2012, 2013 Was it in Tagaytay? - Yeah, you were still living there.
- Yes. That long. Yes. I think that was the time when you were about to transition. I think that was the time when I first came out. What year was that? I think I came out like 2013. So yes. -The was during the era of The Buzz.
-Yes, The Buzz. Before we go back to that time in 2013, let's go back to the beautiful things that happened to you. The entire country recognized who Charice Pempengco was and the magnitude of talent you had. How old were you when you joined Little Big Star? I was 12. Yes, 12 or 13 when I joined Litte Big Star. And I remember, I think... I think I auditioned in a mall, even. In a mall. It was a mall near our house in Laguna. I grew up in Laguna. During the grand finals, I remember Sam Concepcion was the champion. During that time, the voice of Charice Pempengco has been raved about in the whole country because the multitude of talented singers were rising that time, too, right? I think before I joined Little Big Star. I was already a regular in many singing contests. Even before I started when I was 7 years old, I never changed Charice Pempengco. So even during that time, that has been the name I used. -even in amateur singing contests.
-There's a ring to the name, yeah? Until now, actually, like when I watch Tawag ng Tanghalan, I still hear some contestants say that they went against me in contests and that's probably true because I went to all parts of Batangas- the whole province, as well as Laguna. Almost all the nationwide competitions. -you participated in.
-Yes, correct. Some competitions would even last up to seven in the morning. And when I joined Little Big Star, some of them would say that we already joined the same contests before, saying stuff like, "Hey, you're here too!" You knew each other. You're familiar with each other. You see the same people joining the contests. The world of singing competitions is a small world. Even on TV. How old were you when you first desired to be a singer? When I was a kid, my dream was that I just wanted to go to a school and live a normal life. To graduate and then find a job. Maybe put up a business. But the desire of, "I want to be a famous singer," that only came to mind when my mother discovered my talent. I was singing on top of the table. The first song I learned was My Heart Will Go On. And when she was training me, I joined singing contests already. It was like, "Oh, so this was my path after all." It was more like that. I mean don't get me wrong, obviously until now I still enjoy it. Until now, it's my passion but I never realized it until I tried it. It's thrilling to know that the first time you ever sang, your first song was My Heart Will Go On. Yes, that's the first song. Did you ever think that you'd be able to meet the original singer of that famous song? Never. Out of everybody who sang that song, it was only you who got to do a duet with the original singer, Celine Dion. I never imagined that could happen. I'm very grateful and blessed to be given that opportunity. -The opportunities that opened up for you were so unique at that time.
-I have no idea. The doors that opened for Charice Pempengco at that time. David Foster, Oprah, Ellen, Celine Dion. The global recognition from the voice of Charice Pempengco. When did you feel na Jake was who you really are? Probably a lot of people won't believe me, but- I was 5 years old when I realized that- I was really confused like- -At 5 years old?
-Yes. Because when I was in first grade, I remember my classmates would tease me with my other classmate. A girl? A boy. And this one thing in my mind was "Why? We're the same." -At 5?
-At 5 years old, that was my thought. So like, I said, And obviously I didn't know any labels or anything like that. So I don't understand. And i remember that my first crush in first grade was a girl. So I remember at that time, I was like, "Huh?" I don't understand why they're teasing me with a boy. This is what I wanted. And I literally said, "We're the same." And I remember my brother and I would play role-playing games where I would be his bodyguard. And I would give myself names. I remember using Jeric or something. But definitely, I knew. But at the same time, I know something was weird. I said, "Weird." I would look at the mirror and say, "This is weird. Why am I feeling this way?" I'm seeing someone different. So growing up, that was always- -Like an ongoing battle inside.
-Everyday struggle and fight. Everyday battle. And I remember when Charice was discovered. You know, like the global superstar Charice being on stage with David Foster and friends, Oprah, and Ellen. That was really one of my pains because I did not want to sound ungrateful. I did not want people to feel like, "Wow! You have the world in your hands already, what else do you want?" But from the beginning, when I was discovered and even before that, Way before Little Big Star, it was there. It was always there. -The struggle.
-Jake has always been there. The struggle and pain of hiding yourself. Before I came out, at the very end I was like, "No. No. No." But at the same time, It came to the worst of the worst. You know, like my mental health. Suicidal and all those things. I tried to kill myself 3 times. How old were you when you tried to kill yourself? I was- I think I was 18 or 19. -At that time and I remember the last time-
-You wanted to kill yourself because? Because in my head, when I come out, it's over. And I didn't wanna- That's the thing. At that time, I was thinking of what other people would think. -I didn't wanna disappoint.
-The fear of acceptance. The fear of acceptance. I didn't wanna disappoint them. I didn't wanna disappoint David. I didn't wanna disappoint Oprah and my mother. People's expectations. Yes. The pressure of you fitting in as well. You know I remember standing in front of the mirror like all these people around me. Showing me photos of Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato telling me that, "Oh, be like this." You're gonna do this. Fitting in, it was hard. The pressure. A lot of people thought that when you get there, it's all- Hearts, chocolates, and flowers. No. You know, especially this month that we're celebrating Asian Heritage Month. That was also the case before. Being an Asian, you know. All of that just- -piled up.
-And resurfaced. Yes, it all piled up in my head. It was too much and that was it. -You couldn't handle it anymore?
-I couldn't. -That's why you wanted to end your life at that time?
-I couldn't handle it. The first two times I tried it, I remember waking up at the hospital being upset. I remember talking to God and asking, "Why?" And then the third time- and I'm telling you when you feel that, when you feel that moment na you want to kill yourself, it's scary. It's scary because you can't feel pain at all. Your heart and mind is already decided. So it's very- It's not something that you wanna be in. It's a very dark place. And I'm saying this not because I've experienced it 3 times and I wanna be able to share it to other people who might be going through the same, it's a very bad place to be. because the moment that you feel that is like you don't see anything else anymore. You don't feel anything else anymore. You just have one thing that's decided right in front of you. End it. And the last time I did it, I remember I woke up in a hospital and David was there. David Foster? Yes. David was there and- What did he tell you? We had a show that night. I remember I woke up it was morning. I was in Singapore. He was there and he was the first person I see there. And he was like, "Are you okay?" "Do you thing you can perform? You don't have to." And I remember looking at him and he was so worried. And he knew why. It's like we weren't really talking about super personal stuff, but he was definitely one of the first few people who knew. And he knew I was having a hard time. And I remember, I was still lying there in bed, and I told him, "Nope, I'm gonna perform tonight." And I remember him, just a small gesture from him telling me, "You know what, for tonight you don't have to wear a dress." So that day, I went out It's on YouTube probably everyone's gonna look for it, but it's the performance of David and Friends in Singapore and I was wearing pants and sneakers or something and braided hair and all that. That was the first time that they let me wear something like that and it was a big deal for me. And I remember being just comfortable. When all these were going on, the public didn't know. -The inner struggle you had.
-No. I remember when the Singapore, the last one, happened I remember some people saw me in the lobby in a wheelchair, and I think the news that came out was I had food poisoning. You know what Caroline Myss said? She's a spiritual teacher. She said, "The most painful betrayal doesn't come from your family, it doesn't come from your friends, doesn't come from people you know. The most painful betrayal comes from betraying one's self." Yes. So all these times since you were 5 years old until you reach the age of 18, you felt like you were betraying yourself? That's it. Yes. That's why there's so much pain? Because you couldn't be who you really wanted to be at that time. And I'm aware that until now, it's still- everyday is still a battle for me because I definitely understand that some people have different beliefs -and understanding.
-Opinions. Opinions. We all have different religions, beliefs in our lives, opinions. But to me, if you don't understand me, then maybe just be kind to me. I think that's the most important thing. Not even just for LGBTQ, just for everything. Sometimes there are things that- Nothing's perfect and all of us will have differences. Sometimes it's more important to be kind than to be right. Yes. -Right?
-Yes. Because I remember that time I was doing The Buzz, there were a lot of opinions and assumptions, right? -There was so much noise.
-Super. So much judgment. So much of people's perceptions, assumptions, right? Too many voices. Too many. And it wasn't even- I was already carrying the inner betrayal I have been feeling. At the same time, yung pressure from other people as well. I remember the first time I was on the Ellen DeGeneres show. Like one of the things that people talked about was my English. Those things. Of course, until now, I'm still not that fluent. It was the type of pressure that makes you say, "My God, now I have to fit in." That I have to speak well, I should dress well. Things had to be a certain way. I remember that came out when YouTube was rather fresh. I was eating somewhere and I was really hungry so I was continuously eating. And it came out on YouTube that I was a voracious eater and all that. And that was another insecurity. But, I couldn't keep it in anymore because there were more things. -An underlying-
-There were others... - Yes, there were more struggles.
- Struggle. When was the point when you realized that it wasn't important what the consequences of my actions would be, and you have to be true to yourself already? The first time I came out was 2013, but it was very complicated because I was still thinking of- what people thought. And I remember during that time, the topic on transgenders were still taboo. Transitioning, and all that. So I remember that here in the Philippines, most of the time, what's being talked about are gays and lesbians... and that's pretty much it. And automatically, I thought that if I come out as a lesbian and I wear boy clothes or I cut my hair, that would be it. It was very complicated because at that time I just wanted to come out so bad, but when I came out as a lesbian, it wasn't enough. I said- Because now everyone's trying to educate me, saying stuff like, "Oh...lesbians. So that means "she." So that means, this or that, whatever." And it mattered to me, obviously. I just remember telling myself that, I can't go out of my house anymore or leave for work. I know that I came out already, but it still felt like I was betraying myself. This is not it. -This is not it.
-You were betraying yourself because? Because it's like I came out as a lesbian because I just figured it's what people would easily understand. So it felt like I wasn't just betraying myself but also betraying people by not telling them the whole truth. Again, if you still have something bottled up inside you, it still forces its way out. I reached that point where I said that... I can't remember if- I think it was a concert and it was supposed to be the last concert of Charice. -Very last concert of Charice.
-What year was that? I think it was 2016. -I think 2016.
-2016. You were still Charice when you came out? But short-haired. So 2016, you were about to do a final show for Charice. -Like the final curtain for Charice.
-Yes. But it didn't happen. It didn't happen at that time because emotionally, I was dealing with my mental health as well. And I'm still dealing with it right now. I have anxiety, depression, and all that. At that time I remember one day, just not being able to get up. It's like my mind's telling me, "Go. Let's go. Let's do it." but at the same time, it's like having different voices in your head saying, "Nope, you can't." So during that time, I knew I had to do the last concert but at the same time, it's like I wasn't ready and I was done. I was done. You were done with Charice. Yes. I said that- So when I decided to transition, it was very easy. The only hard part in transitioning was thinking of what people would say. But the process itself was very easy. I remember I had my top surgery and I looked down, it was flat. "Oh my God! My chest is flat now." And I remember just being happy. It was like my birthday everyday. Just having the people around me that supported me. It was definitely one of the best days of my life. The moment I transitioned, The moment when I underwent the hormone change and all that, I would still talk about what happened before. Charice and all that. And again, I'll always be grateful. I enjoyed the experience and the people I met. I'm grateful that until now, I'm still able to get in touch with them. You know, with David. The people that Charice knew were amazing. Those are people we never really knew. We just see them on TV. The people that Charice met: Oprah, Ellen, David Foster. -Even Celine Dion.
-But if you think about it, it's way- It's different now. When I was discovered before, YouTube was fairly new, even Twitter and Instagram. It's definitely different now. And the way I see it, talking about Asian, we have BTS and we're trying to put OPM out there. For me, definitely any time of the day, I know that someone out there will get to experience- the same thing that you experienced. That's why I always say to up and coming artists that say, "I hope to experience that, too." You will. Especially now on social media, it's a huge platform to get discovered in. Everything is possible now. You know what I'm saying? I'm just really happy that I get to experience being the first on Oprah, the first on Ellen, the first on- It would be forever in my heart and that'll always be me whether Jake or Charice. Why did you choose the name Jake? Jake Zyrus. Who chose that name? Actually I did but it was more of a stage name. The first thing I thought was actually Zyrus. Just Zyrus without Jake. And then I thought, Why not add one because I can. I'm free to do this. I was very excited. I don't know why I thought about Jake to be honest. The name just came in my mind. Obviously the Zyrus came to mind but definitely not because of Miley Cyrus. Did you ever meet Miley Cyrus? Yes I did. Oh, really? -She was very quiet.
-The people you've met are mind-blowing. But Jake will always be- Let's say if I change my legal name. That's what you want? As a second name, yes. And the first one, would just be a name I know of. A private one for you. There was a time when you were transitioning from Charice to Jake Zyrus, that it was all over the news, very noisy. Even your love life. The issue with your mom. Everything was out to the public. And at one point, all the noise subsided. And then, there was no news anymore about Jake Zyrus. It's like you kept your distance. Yes. From the public. Yes. Right? It's just now that we all saw you again. Yes! Right? Actually... that's so good that you noticed because that's exactly what I did because my relationship right now, because when we started dating and I had just transitioned, also had a new love life and all that, I think my partner and I got to an agreement that we enjoy sharing pictures and all that, but not everything entirely. Somehow we enjoyed the privacy. Yes, I kept my distance. Trying to be silent with all the crazy things that happened in the past few years. Everything's online. Or in the news. What I really wanted to do, which was music, was overshadowed. I felt like, because it was all so noisy, with all the family and love life problems, I lost focus on what I really wanted to do. Which is I just wanna share music. Somehow, I had fear everytime I feel like something will come out to the public, like a family problem or something, and I feel it comes with maturity, that you know what to share and what to keep private to yourself. Yes. Yes. Because I was shocked, did you know that Jake Zyrus is 29 years old already? In my eyes, I feel like he's still 18. And now that I've spoken with him, he's already 29. It's different now. I remember being, most of the time, always angry. Always mad. -Mad at everything.
-Mad at the world. You know what I'm saying? I always think skeptically like, "Huh?" Looking around it's like, "Oh, they hate me." You know what I'm saying? It's like I was always being judged. Yes. I think that's also one of the reasons why- maybe not exactly staying away from everything, but I personally think I enjoy the peaceful living now. Doing things here and then but at the same time just- What's Jake's music like these days? You have a new one, right? Yes! Actually there's a new song that's gonna come out. It's called Fix Me Wow! Jake is really here! Fix me! It's produced by one of my good friends, Troy Laureta. Which actually released an album couple months ago called Kaibigan, the OPM collective album. With foreign singers singing in Tagalog. Oh nice. And I was part of it as well. But yes, I'm going to release this song Fix Me. Basically having someone in your life that you think that could fix everything in your life. Basically the song is saying... I'm not perfect... Because if you need to be fixed, you must be broken. Right? Very much so. So now I'll ask you, who fixed you? Aside from God, probably my life experience. It didn't just fixed you, it shaped you. Yes. Molded you. Transformed you. Yes. Correct? Yes. Of course, I had people around me who supported me, but I think what really fixed everything was the love from God. And that's when I realized that it's very rare that I talk about my faith. When I experienced all those struggles, I became more... closer to God because I remember also being away from Him before. Being in a dark place. I've lost my dad. I lost a lot people in my life. I remember just... thinking of... telling myself, "I'm gonna stay away from this." I'm gonna stay away from praying and all that. I don't think that's for me. Obviously people making me feel that I don't belong here. That I- had no access. I could not pray. -That I couldn't-
-There's such a thing? I just told myself and I feel like that was God telling me that you can't let anybody stop you or not give you any access to Me. And that's for you to think. It's okay that that's your opinion, but for me, that's when I realized that, whoever you are, you are not gonna take away my access to God. Like what Jake said, we judge faster than we try to understand. It doesn't take much or even anything to be kind to others. After all these stories that Jake has shared with us, I realized that no wealth or fame in this world could make us happy if we are not true to who we are.
