(thunder rumbling) (intense music) (thunder rumbling) - Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to Dimension 20 and our first ever side quest, Escape From the Bloodkeep. I am your humble dungeon master, Brennan Lee Mulligan, with me are my friends, Rekha Shankar. - Hello, hello. - [Brennan] Matthew Mercer. - Hello everyone. - [Brennan] Amy Vorphal. - Hi! - [Brennan] Mike Trapp. - Hello! - [Brennan] Erika Ishii. - It's me! - [Brennan] And Ify Nwadiwe. - Ya boi! (laughing) - Well, without further ado, we are going to begin our
very first side quest. A tale of evil and darkness, Escape From the Bloodkeep. Behold, a land of ash and shadow, choked by sunless and starless skies. The vast plains of Khal Ravenwrath, smoking with craters, and the breeding pits of orcish armies. Spiders, worgs, and bats
cover the land of Gorgar, who's armies seek to forever
stomp out the forces of light within the world Elna. Beyond the Bog of Despair, and the towering mountains
that surround the Door of Doom. Past even, Ro-ro-ro-ro-ror-kin-drath, The Scary Volcano, there rises, endlessly towards the sky, a towering fortress of
vast obsidian might, who seeks to pluck the
very stars from the sky. Athagduar, The Bloodkeep. And atop its utmost spire, the flaming maw of Zaul'Nazh, Lord of Shadows, who bends his ceaseless will
to the unmaking of the world. Forever stand The Bloodkeep and woe betide its foes forever. Within The Bloodkeep, this
vast obsidian fortress, where we see our various heroes,
or should I say villains. We are going to zoom
deep within The Bloodkeep where gears and chains
crank and orcs call out, trolls lumber, goblins
chitter and scurry about, and spiders spin their
webs deep, deep, deep in the bowels of The Bloodkeep, lies a chamber of gray marble, frigid cold, and mist, and within it, The Pool of Souls, an oracular pool where
the spirits of the dead commune with the living. Floating within The Pool of Souls, her eyes rolled back in her head as she communes with the spirits here, we see the farseer, the dark oracle and soothsayer of the forces of darkness, Efink Murderdeath. Amy, would you please describe
your character for us. - Yes, she is a high elf. She is a cleric, she's beautiful. As an elven person, it's very difficult to
find any part of her ugly, so she's pale, everything's pale. Pale skin, pale hair. She found that a little bit too basic, and realized that when she
joined The Dark Lord's forces, a lot of people are scared of wet hair, so she has leaned in and
every part of her wisping, kind of almost Grecian
robes that she dangles, they're all wet. Everything's just like
very wet all the time, and the hair is in her face, so she's doing her best to look scary but actually is always very hot. (laughing) And when her eyes roll back
in her head, it also is hot, so everything's hot. But yeah, I think, oh she's wearing a tiara, and she normally has a bone with her which is a skull that she calls her bone. And yeah, that's what she looks like. - Wonderful. Efink is floating in freezing cold water, just barely above the point
where it could become ice. The chill in your bones eases
the passing of your minds eye from here into the realm of spirits. You (gasping) feel them
now, moving around you. (murmuring) Efink. We see and we tell all, let her of the far sight know that which she wishes. What questions, Queen of Sight, do you wish to have answered. (sharp inhaling) - And I go full Galadriel photo negative. (laughing) And say we have accomplished
much in this time, what is the next task for
dominion over the realm for our Dark Lord of Shadows? (Brennan making explosion sounds) - Mist rises from the water
as you see a flaming crown, the last crown of Zaul'Nazh. The talisman which contains all of his vast and mighty power. You feel spirits fleeing far and wide. We search, your highness,
we search and search, as well we may. (inhaling) And you see the spirits of
these three sort of Norns appear around you,
Abaseel, Azrah, and Orgrah. (inhaling) My Queen, we have searched and searched. - No, no, Abaseel is
my favorite, you speak. (laughing) - You see that Abaseel goes. Okay. (laughing) - Yes your flattering of me
last time did not go unnoticed. - Oh, you of the far
sight, Efink Murderdeath, when you roll your eyes back
in your head, it's super cool. Everyone loves it, you look resplendent, and when you go all black
and white like that, I mean, people just die! - Yes, that is what you said last time. - You see that she says, the
crown yet lies in shadow, though the Vinguri hunt for
it with a wooly timber will, but a vision for you. This is the final hour for
the forces of your light, your father (inhaling) and
you see Telmyr the Calm, the Lord of Care Blythwin. Rallies now with Casara
the Beige (inhaling) and the Ranger of the North. - Oh, shit. Fucking shit, get that man out of my life. - I'm sorry, we can only tell
you what may yet come to pass. I know that if it were in our power to make you not have
to run in with your ex, we for sure would. - Thank you, As-Asmeer-- - I'm Azrah, she's
Orgrah, this is Abaseel. - Yes, Abaseel is my favorite. - I have a hard time, I know I don't make as much
of an impression as Abaseel. Abaseel goes, no, you're
trying, it's good. Abaseel caresses your cheek
and whispers in your ear and says, my lady, though
your father and your, I guess still husband. - Oh, god. - [Brennan] Sorry. (grunting and yelling) They're all zapped by your power. - The Dark Lord, Shadow
Queen shall replace you! (screaming) - You see Azrah goes, (heavy breathing) okay it's Azrah's time
to shine let's do it. And steps up to you here. This is the day where the Lord of Shadows will forever conquer the world
of men, elves, and dwarves. His crown shall be
reclaimed this day, my lady. (inhaling) (gasping) And you awake, in your pool. (water splashing) (laughing) - Is there anyone around to share this? I climb out, yeah I definitely climb out, you know pick my wedgie, and uh-- (laughing) - Go ahead and give me
either arcana or religion. - Okay and that was
Abaseel, Azrah, and Or-gah? - Uh, Orgrah. - Orgrah. Um we will do, you want religion or? - Religion or arcana, whatever you think your character would use for
their oracular abilities. - Oracular. Yeah, I think arcana. - Cool go for it. - Let's just do that. So that is a dirty 20. - A dirty 20, hell yeah, love it. As you step out of the pool,
you get a vision in your mind of someone sort of nearby to you. You foresee yourself
walking from the halls here, someone else that stays in the
bowels of the tower with you. You're quite near Lilith's cavern. - Oh. - Oh perfect. - You're quite near Lilith's cavern. Also with that dirty 20, you have one final flash of insight, that you're not quite sure what it is. It doesn't feel like your other visions, if I'm being honest, because this one doesn't
make you feel like, good about yourself and positive, and your best visions are
the ones that psych you up and make you feel good about yourself. - Mmm. - You see a weird-- - Oh, then what I do is, there's a mirror as you exit the pool, and like I have a moment with the mirror, because well this is,
if you've ever, well. - [Brennan] Yeah. - If you're ever done like a
bath or like one of those-- - Sensory deprivation tanks? - Sensory deprivation tanks
and you're like wow, okay, everything is normal and cool. And then you walk out,
there are these mirrors, and you're like oh shit, my like corporeal body is still you know? (all laughing and talking) - I'm still an awkward fucking human. - You come from the Earth,
don't you ever forget it! You're made of dust! And mud! - [Amy] Exactly. - When you were in the Pool of Souls, your hair was like flowing in this crazy fucking awesome thing, and now it's like (Brennan making farting sounds) just like, on the side of your face and you're looking at
yourself like, drip drip drip. - Ugh, everything's sticking to me! - Oh, I forgot my Spanx! - You grab your staff, stolen
from the wizard Randolph, and you hold it and you
look at yourself there in the mirror, and you
see for a minute a vision that occurs in just a slight moment and there's a pang of urgency but this is the kind of
vision that you don't like 'cause it bums you out a little bit. It's confusing, you like
when visions are clear. - But I might interpret
that maybe as like, if my father is about to die, then maybe yeah that
doesn't make me feel great, but I can't tell? - Yeah, you see, it could be that, it could like some weird
thing where like these spirits are trying to mess with
you on like your big day or something like that. But you see an image of a,
for a moment of Zaul'Nazh as a younger Iru spirit, back
when he was fully corporeal and had a body, and you see
him at a fountain of blood and you don't know it's significance, and it doesn't appear to
be telling you anything but you just (snaps) get
that vision for a second. - At it? Like looking at it? Standing near it? - Yeah, you're not in the vision, just in the mirror for a
moment you, (inhaling), it comes like a flash so quickly that you could almost be like, after effect of the cool vision where I found out we were
gonna win or you know, sort of like some weird bullshit. But with that 20 you do get
a little moment of that. And then Lilith is
further on down the hall. We're going to cut over now. (dramatic clashing) Shadows as the oracle
strides down the hallway's that become more and
more covered in cobwebs. (laughing) Following shadows, we hear
the screams of dancing goblins and the screams begin to
morph into (growling) growls and (howling) howls! And we move away from the
beautiful masonry obsidian, into rough hued red rock, and the stink of midden heaps
and hay and blood and bones, and (snarling) snarling beasts! We are at the Worg Pits
where we see goblin wolves (growling) snarling at each other. We see that there is a lumbering troll with an enormous wagon of loose body parts from orcs and goblins that have
died in industrial hazards. So like, severed limbs,
heads, stuff like that. The orc is moving along and we
hear hungry scraping as worgs (snarling) try to come up
and get out of their pits. We see also that there are some
chained drakes and wyverns, we see enormous alroc's, like prehistoric, like 30 foot tall like musk oxen with crazy piercing in their nose that are all chained up elsewhere. It smells worse here than it does anywhere else in this world. (laughing) It is feeding time at the
Beast Pits, and of course, directing the way of the limb wagon is the one and only Sokhbarr The Boglord. - Hello. (laughing) - Mike please tell us what
your character's up to. - Yes, so this is Sokhbarr The Boglord, he is of the Kashai race, for the viewers at home, we just skinned it onto a half orc, but he is an ancient... Like prehistoric, like weird swamp creature,
like horns and turtle shell and sort of crocodilian teeth. Big kinda like, lizard,
goat, crazy fucking, nightmare creature from the swamp. Big, strong, two big old axes. Yeah, and he's a... yeah, I guess I'm here, and just grabbing some of these limbs and doing that thing like where if you've ever seen people with a lot of pets that
come circle around, it's like okay, okay,
everyone's gonna get some! (snarling) Calm down, Jessica, calm down! Here ya go! Here ya go, everyone gets some. Everyone gets some. Okay, okay, jump, jump. (snarling) (laughing) - You see that yeah, it's this insane, there's a bunch of fucking
like krenshar come over that like peel their flesh, their exposed skulls are gnawing at it. All of these beasts that
wish only terrible harm on all living things just love Sokhbarr. Uh, worgs-- - Just singing them a little song. I'm just like, oh there's
something in your teeth, what's that? (snarling) - See there's just a full
finger bone in there. (panting) - Oh that had to of hurt! (laughing) - You hear a bounding noise nearby. You're just feeding all these beasts that are kind of getting
prepared to go to war. The vibe in the Beast
Pits right now is like, the worgs are gonna be released, the alrocs are gonna lead
these siege weapons here. You're kind of preparing for
the final push of the armies of Gorgar finally flooding
out into the free world. And you hear this, brum-brum-brum-brum, and you see that this
enormous worg rolls up to you. This is one of the few worgs
that can actually talk here. You see this worg name Beezo runs up, he goes, aye, it's Beezo, master Sokhbarr, you're not gonna believe it! I think J'er'em'ih's about to give birth! - What? - I think he's about to give birth! - Where is he? - You uh, he says, come on, come on! You see the troll goes,
daddy but (mumbling), and points to the limb wagon. - I'm sorry I didn't catch that, you're truly, what was that? (Brennan mumbling on as a troll) - You know what, just feed,
just uh throw the limbs around, make sure everyone gets some. - (mumbling) Just starts
hurling limbs, just willy nilly, all over the ground, ra, ra, ra. You rush over to... To the wonderful J'er'em'ih, your animal companion,
the last scream beast that you rescued from the death, from their possible death, the extinction of J'er'em'ih's species and your bonding moment
all those long years ago. You see that J'er'em'ih,
who looks just hellish, he is a... He is quadrupedal kind of, but is like a lizard, frog, beaked squid crab with like, he's got prehensile eye stalks where his two eyes move around and his head is like a weird blowfish, like it kind of inflates a little bit and he's got a beak on the front of it. (sighing) He's got two wings but can't fly 'cause the wings are
atrophied and too small and two tails, hooves, and he's got a pair of
clawed hands above his hips on his hind legs - Oh no. - With no arms, so they
can't reach anything unless he moves his butt up against them. - [Amy] Butt hands! - He's got like butt hands. (laughing) But as you see-- - He's so majestic. (laughing) I can't believe these creatures
that's come from the Earth. - Why would anyone wanna kill one? - A miracle of nature. - You see that J'er'em'ih, his head is just swelling enormously. He's over in his pen right now, there's a bunch of dead
goblin parts around of goblin's he's been eating. And you see he's just
going (glottal screaming). - J'er'em'ih, you doing okay there buddy? (glottal screaming) (laughing) - Go ahead and give me either a medicine or an animal handling check. - Great, uh, let's do that. 11 plus eight, so 19. - 19, perfect. So you immediately, you lean
down, you start to stroke him, you help J'er'em'ih start to breathe. Birth is a very difficult
process for scream beasts because number one, they mostly don't give birth
to other scream beasts. - Mm, yeah. - And they also have no birth canal. So the thing, they have
a functioning womb, but no way for the thing
in there to get out. - Mm. - So-- (laughing and choking) - These things should exist. - Yeah. - Definitely. - Kids, it's a tragedy that so many people have tried to wipe these
things from the Earth. (laughing) - Can't the butt hands help in some way? - Oh, like easing, pulling it out? - You do see that the butt hands appear to be flailing for something. They like want-- - I get some chips in there. - You start to rub ice chips on the back and you see that a bunch
of just huge blisters start to form on his ass from the ice, like the ice is burning him, but he seems to like it. - Okay. - Scream beasts are hard to understand. You see that his head swells and swells and swells, even more. And you see Beezo looks on and says, oh, I mean crickey, that
is just beautiful to watch, look at him (gasping) and you see the head swells and a little seam (splattering)
bursts on top of his head and (steam engine whistling) just green poison steam escapes. Truly sounds like a train approaching. (laughing) And you see that a fully formed, it looks like a goblin crustacean centaur, like a goblin torso on
top of like a crab body but with two goblin heads. One of them has eyes and no mouth, and the other head just
has a mouth and no eyes. And you see this thing scuttles
out of J'er'em'ih's head and you see that the one
that has no eyes goes (groaning) what am I? (laughing) - Oh, buddy. - What am I?! - Okay, so here's the thing right, um, somewhere in the world,
someone had a nightmare and imagined you and now
you're just given borth, birth into the real world
and gosh, uh, alright well. You know what, uh, can I, do I have anymore of the
goblin parts or anything on me? - Yes, you do. - Ah, here, here have somethin' to eat. - You give a pair of goblin eyes and you see that the one with eyes grabs a little sharp rock off the ground and stabs two holes in the
front of the other goblins face and jams the eyes in there. (laughing) And you see that the
thing, it's just like, they're not eye sockets,
just bleeding holes in the front of his head, but now have sort of blood
covered eyes in there goes (gasping) I was just born! - J'er'em'ih, it's a boy! (laughing) - You see that J'er'em'ih looks
over at the thing and goes, (glottal cooing) and
like nuzzles your chest and begins to cry out of his eye stalks with just a sort of maternal
slash paternal pride. And you see that Beezo
looks over and says, right, so, now you were just born so we're gonna get you a name soon, but number one, who do you serve? And he's like, I just got here! (as Beezo) Who do you serve? - Go on, who do you serve? (laughing) - You see it looks right,
and the one with no mouth kinda looks and shrugs with it's one arm. And you see it goes, (gasping)
Zaul'Nazh Lord of Shadows? - Oh my god, yeah, it's
Zaul'Nazh Lord of Shadows! - Okay, okay, I know, I think I get it. I serve Zaul'Nazh, alright I'm gonna go get
some kind of weird weapon! You see, (glottal clicking) scuttles off, and you see J'er'em'ih kind of cries and like dabs its eyes on its own fur. - Hey buddy, come on, somewhere sometime, someone is gonna have a
nightmare about a scream beast and there will be another
scream beast in this world. (glottal chatter) - You see that Beezo looks
over at you and says, well I think like, it's been a day for the forces of darkness, I would say this though, I
don't wanna get your hopes up, but there's been a rumor that a species that we thought was gone, might be back. - What? - Some of the worgs came
back from long patrol and they said that there was a dropping. And you see he brings you
over to a concrete onyx turd, the size of a house. - Oh, my god! - That looks like lavamog waste to me! - Oh, hell yeah! (laughing) Can I... Maybe like chip into it
or investigate it or get? I feel like-- - Yeah. - Yeah, like, I get
the sense of like yeah, this is some sort of-- - Go ahead and give me a nature check. - Cool. (dice hitting the table) That is an eight plus six, so 14. - You chip into it a little bit, and pfft, a splurt of lava comes out. It's for sure a lavamog. Lavamog's are truly colossal size, they rival dragons in terms of size. They are not aquatic, they are volcanic, so they swim and live in magma. But you know, we thought
the last of them were gone. The last lavamog probably was not seen since Zaul'Nazh was like, corporeal. But this is like a fresh lavamog. - This is really something. This is great, this is great. 'Cause if there's more of these, that means we can start
a breeding program, we can get more and more lavamogs, we can make the whole world overrun with more lavamogs if we want. (laughing) - You see that Beezo goes, alright, we'll have these
soon, this is amazing! I mean, the thought-- - Where did they find this? - They found it well, I
mean they apparently say they found that out
near The Scary Volcano. - Scary Volcano. Alright, uh. - You hear up above you
(screeching) and you begin to see wyverns circling the top of the tower. The Vinguri are returning and you can that their wyverns look like, extremely like tired and worn for wear and hungry out there. But yeah-- - He's always riding
those wyverns too hard. (laughing) He just treats them as
a thing and not like, as like, ah god, alright. - Ah you see Beezo says, you'll go uh, take care
of the wyverns, or uh? We, I'll talk about this later. - Yeah yeah yeah, we'll
talk about it later. - You see Beezo runs off, and with that. (electronic buzzing) In the gathering storm
clouds, above The Bloodkeep, five wyverns with five dark
riders circle The Bloodkeep. (sharp inhaling) Armor and robes tattered and rotting, and visages empty and hollow, knights of undeath and first
and foremost among them, Kraz-Thun the Umbra Knight,
astride his mighty wyvern, with Griefmaker, the Runeblade of Sorrow, this King of the Pactwraiths, Matt would you describe
your character for us? - Yes. (laughing) As the majestic, enshadowed wyvern lands atop the kind of obsidian shelf that sits astride the top of the high peak of The Bloodkeep, you watch as Kraz-Thun, upper chest and torso
emblazoned with dark, black iron armor that comes to a series of dozens of hooks and sharp edges, you can see the blackened robes kind of flowing as the wind pushes back. This singular helmet itself
crowned with about eight or nine sharpened spires
that kind of hook backward. From within you can see the very, very faint slits of metallic armor that leaves kind of these vacuous spaces where there's a dull blue
glow where the eyes should be. As it steps off of the wyvern, his feet, heavily (thumping sounds)
onto the obsidian floor, tosses the chain to one of the nearby orcs and begins to step towards the
entrance to the tower spire. - You see that the other Vinguri go and fall into rank and file behind you. The doors, with no need for servants, open before you in this place,
as you (powerful exhale) not only do you walk, but you glide, several inches above the ground. (powerful exhale) Manifested by the pure
might of your fealty to the Lord of Shadows. You and the other Vinguri
(powerful inhaling) move through this place and even with all of the dark
creatures that dwell here, things do their best to avoid the Vinguri, especially after a hunt. You see that Torbael
looks over to you and goes (powerful inhale) we are this close. (laughing) I mean we are truly this close. - I know and I understand
this Declan, but um, sorry, Torbael, my apologies. - Where? As he looks around and says,
I don't see any goblins, we can do, Declan's fine, Declan's fine. - Fine, alright. (laughing) - You see that actually
that Miles looks over at you and says, um, Leeland, I just have to say, and I think we should take a moment because I think that
we've been taking the fact that we haven't found the
crown very hard on ourselves and the fact that you managed
to catch that halfling in the shoulder, remember
when we were fighting in those ruins and-- - Oh, I remember. And I was very proud of that moment. - Well I should think we should, and you see the other four raise the, kind of give a little golf clap. - Thank you. And as he pulls his helmet
off, you can see the like, long silvery hair strands kind of gently, they don't quite hit the top of the armor, they kind of drift a few
inches off of the edge and kind of lift in their incorporeal way. Shakes it back a bit and kind
of accepts with a dull grin the applause before going,
and I appreciate that, but little victories don't
make for an overall success. And until that crown is found,
uh, well, we're a failure. I'm a failure. - No, Leeland, no! And you see they come around
you and put their hands on you, and they go, you're not a failure. We've been given a very hard task. Casara the Beige, Telmyr the Calm, all of them are trying
their best to stop us. Look, they, I mean we all got destroyed by a magic river, that's hard, and we were back
at it, I mean a day later. (laughing) - You're right. No, you're right, you're right. - I mean you just can't, I just hate to see you beat yourself up. And you see that Oswald
speaks up and says, Leeland, honestly, you can't beat yourself
up about this stuff. If you're gonna beat yourself up after actually managing
to wound the halfling and curse him, I mean what
am I gonna do with myself? That ranger threw a
torch right into my head. It went all the way into
the empty spot in my helmet. - Yes. No, I'm thinking maybe we need to discuss reworking the shape and
design of our helmets. - Yeah after-- (both yelling at each other) - There's a first time for everything, but we are learning creatures. Sentient's above that of men. - Yes. - We can wear things that cover our faces. - That's what I'm trying to say. You see the other packwraith's
all sort of shake their heads and say, you know, (sighing)
it's really rather hard. And Toby looks over at you and says, (heavy sighing) well, look. How 'bout this, we can beat
ourselves up all we like that we haven't found the crown yet, but Wynn's on our side, we managed to drive them to Care Blythwin. - That's true. - We are poised to have our armies flood into Old Tyriath and destroy Tor Kellin, the city of stars. - I did manage to destroy Casara's staff. (laughing) Had it shattered into a hundred pieces, I can still hear the
sound echoing in my ears. - That was incredible! That was really-- - I drew a picture of it! Just as a keepsake. - Really? - Yes, yes, I'm not very good at it. - You see that Oswald
goes (gasping) Leeland! Your line work! (laughing) - Thank you, I've been trying
to cross-hatch recently, I think-- - It's incredible. - It brings depth to a
two dimensional piece I had never accepted before. - Well you see, Declan goes, well, it's always about perspective. I mean that's what you're trying to do is you're trying to capture those objects. I mean, what I love about
your work is it's dynamic, it's not a you know, it's
not a logistical drawing, it's capturing a moment. - Right, the musculature still escapes me but I think the overall
emotion of the scene is the most important thing. - You see that Declan says, I mean muscular escapes us all. Thu-thu, thu-thu-thu. (laughing) Well, we're going to go
wait in cold dark rooms to be called upon again. - Yes, yes you do that. - You see them say, bye Leeland! Good luck with the boss,
let us know how it goes. - Thank you and uh, thank you. - You see (sharp inhale)
they all glide away from you. You see Sokhbarr come up to like bring the wyverns back down to the cages. You see Kraz-Thun having
this little art conversation with his buddies over there. (laughing) - I'm just like, take
some responsibility, ugh. (laughing) - Thank you Sokhbarr,
I really appreciate it. - Yeah, yeah, you know you
need to feed them, right? (laughing) - That's not my job. (laughing) - As you grab the wyverns, the wyverns ah, nuzzle you Sokhbarr and like (click click) try to sting your shell and
you (sharp inhale) glide away. We (powerful inhale) drop all the way down deep, deep, deep in the tower. To a place where any goblins
or orcs who draw breath here only do so from webbed cocoons
where spiders wait to feast. Deep in one of the few un-worked caverns in the bowels of The Bloodkeep, stalactites and stalagmites abounding to create lovely little places for webs to catch curious flies that
have ventured down here. An enormous shape, glistening black, armored carapace, and the visage of the
Queen of Spiders, Lilith, in her bed of webs, wakes from restful slumber. Erika could you describe
your character for us. - Lilith. (laughing) The vile temptress whose
shadow webs ensnared kingdoms. She wakes up and she tosses her
long, flowing black tresses, you see her pale, delicate, elven features and slender torso and great rack! (laughter) - Oh, Queen of Terror and her great rack! - Ah it is spoken of throughout the lands! And then you see her tear out, she pulls out from her bed of webs and her vile, monstrous, creeping, spider abdomen rears up and she wears, she dons her imposing crown that is in rot with darkness itself and puts on a very bondage-y outfit. (laughing) And she grabs the wine glass
that's near, fumbles for and grabs the wine glass next to the bed and pours herself some
of Tyriath's best red. (laughing) (sighing) - As Lilith looks around, you begin to, though it's very fuzzy, both from the amount of wine
consumed the previous night, you remember coming down to your cavern with this truly gorgeous
half-orc named Rastvan. (sighing) I mean, this guy was
built, he was you know, one of these like half-orcs
who, just you know, abs and obliques and the
whole thing, barbarian-- - Amazing rack. - Yeah, incredible rack. - First thing you noticed about her. - And one of those guys
that has all the orc, has like the strong jaw and
the hot tusks but then like, those flinty blue eyes
like, just like, ugh. You know, and you look
around you and Rastvan, you thought, really hit it off? (spluttering) And you don't see him anywhere around. - (spluttering) But last night was so... Incredible! I was incredible! Wasn't I? It has happened again! It just keeps happening. They're intimidated, they're intimidated by my prowess as an arch general and my ten thousand shadow brood. - As soon as you say ten
thousand shadow brood, you hear a voice outside saying, mom! Can we come in? - Just mommy needs five minutes please! - Okay! Some of the orcs in the webs
are getting super liquid, can we just eat early? - Just, just help yourselves,
you're big boys and girls now! - Okay! Uh, by the way, some of
the treasure out here, Russ and Jason are playing
with it and they're, they-- - That's fine, tell them to distribute it amongst some of the teenagers. - So they do have to share right? - They do, yes, yes! They have to share! Sharing is caring, you all know this! - Okay, I love you mom! (wet skittering) (laughing) - I just, why am I so bloated and full? I didn't even eat anything last night? (laughing) Ugh, this always happens. - As you-- - And she picks a piece of like, what may be like a tusk out of her teeth. Where does that come from? (laughing) Ugh, another one bites the dust. - As Lilith exits and begins to (cracking) massive spider legs carrying her out into the larger caverns
of the Spider Queen, you see that your thousands upon thousands of children skitter about. The little ones, who are about the size of just normal spiders, are all kind of screaming
and yelling and like, hi mom! Climbing up on your body. You see that Jessa comes up
to you, one of your daughters, and goes, um, hey mom, um, is uh, should we save some orc for your friend? - Oh, Jessa, your new... Uncle... he went and got breakfast
on his own I suppose. (laughing) - You see that she looks
over to Kyle and goes like, (sighing) um, I'm sorry mom. I don't know, he's honestly, he's trash, and if he doesn't get it, I mean like, truly his loss, and... Love you mom. - Jessa, you're mommy's
special little girl. One day, you will grow up and you will wreak havoc
on some very lucky kingdom. (laughing) - Aw, mom! I'd be happy just wreaking havoc with you! (laughing) And you see that she (wet skittering) skitters off somewhere. See Kyle looks over and says, uh yeah, I mean we were like,
watching out the whole night, so he didn't make it
out through the front, so these assholes can all
teleport I guess, I don't know. - Snuck out! Snuck out in the dead
of night like a thief! - The kids are all rooting for her. (laughing) - Mommy's special friends. - You see your spider
brood is big and large and getting ready to you know, go and make the final push. You see that one of your teeny
tiniest little guys, Russell, that Russell comes up and
looks and you and says, mom, are we gonna defeat the
worlds of men and elves today? - Russell, darling, it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but soon. Soon and of course, we will ready to amass
all of your brethren, every one of our kin shall darken the land with our shadows and our
vile creeping carapaces. - Darken the land! Darken
the land! Darken the land! (wet skittering) And you see that Russell
looks up and says, is it true that, did you always work for
the Lord of Shadows, mom? - Oh darling, no it wasn't always so. You see, after daddy
um, up and disappeared, your mother had to go
back to the work force and well, back in the day,
you all know the tales of eating the light of the
luminai that star forges-- - You see that Jason interrupts and goes, ugh, mom we heard it, you
ate the luminai, from which-- - Yes! It was a very big deal
back in mommy's day-- - Whatever! Spiders my age don't even care about that! I don't care, like, okay you ate some lights
like a long time ago, like how do I eat lights now? - They were the star forges that forged all of the lights in the sky. It was a very big deal! Just sit and listen! (laughing) - You see that Jessa says, like, guys stop ragging mom when
she's having a hard time. You see that Russell says, did they just, they did all the lights? Is the sun? Did they do the sun too or just the stars? - Just, just the stars. Just the stars. - So you see Jason goes,
so not all the lights. (laughing) So not all the lights. - Listen, when you grow up and you have terrifying
shadow kin of your own, you just see how you like it if they don't listen to your stories. - He says, ugh, fine whatever. I'm not even gonna have kids, I'm gonna go out into some
mountain pass somewhere and just eat a bunch of orcs. (wet skittering) Skitters off. You hear approaching footsteps and Efink, you arrive here at Lilith's cave. - So, how did it go? - Oh Efink, another one ran out on me. I just, I just don't know what I'm, no it's not me that's wrong, it's them. - No, no that's right, and your children were
appropriately supportive? (laughing) - Open and honest communication
about mommy's social life, I think, is good for
them, it's very healthy. (sighing) I just don't know. You have to deal with all this
sort of thing all the time, don't you, I mean? - I will say that marriage
has it's own problems, but no I do not have to deal with uh, no. No, nevermind. And in fact, nevermind forever. (laughing) I did want to actually ask you a question. I have a received a vision from
my specters in my soul pool. - Oh a vision. - I know what you're thinking. This one was real. - Oh, shit. - Yes, shit indeed. I received a vision of the
fall of my asshole father. - Oh, well congratulations. - Thank you no, the Dark
Lord shall take him, and take his crown, and soon. - Yes, yes he is as I'm sure
everything will work out just fine for Lord Zee as it always does. (laughing) - You know I would put you
in his place in an instant. Snap of my fingers. Snap of my beautiful
fingers and you're there. - How very stately, yes, thank you. But really, yes, yes, yes, yes. But, well what does this
mean, what shall we do? - So it means ultimate dominion
over the realm, however, I received another
emotional response to this, which as you know is
not favorable, really. I got a feeling of... Oh no. - Oh no like as in a oh no! Or as like a oh no. - Like um, we shall take over
the land and give you know, the crown, and then this feeling of... Oh fuck, like oh no. I don't know how else
to describe it really. - Well, I'm sure it was... Nothing, surely. Our victory is assured, we
have all of this in the bag. Do you think Abaseel and Azrah and Orgrah are messing with me? - Oh no, they're always so supportive. - I know they flatter me, but maybe it's because
I am the Dark Queen. - Well sure, with power
comes a certain set of... Sycophants and the like, but... No, surely not. - How do I make people love you the way that your children just love you? (laughing) - You guys hear up above as you have that moment of vulnerability, boom boom, of being called to council-- - Oh, the drums are sounding
in the deep again, Efink. (laughing) - How wet am I? (laughing) - We, whoosh, zoom all the way back up, through The Bloodkeep,
to a room in a spire off of the main column of The Bloodkeep and this is not obsidian,
this is ruby red, made of beautiful fiery gemstone. The most gorgeous shimmering
tower you've ever seen. At the very, very top is a
beautifully appointed room with flaming curtains and a four-post bed, and the most beautiful
artwork and gold everywhere and a massive war hammer
leaning against the fireplace and sitting in a beautiful no
back chair like an ottoman, this beautiful cushion,
is our friend Maggie. Rehka, could you please
describe Maggie for us? - Yes. I am a Tiefling Barbarian. I am six feet tall, which
is tall for a woman. (laughing) I look, I'm very muscular, very strong, but I look like a, like
I dress like a librarian, like a cardigan and very nice like slacks, or like corduroy pants. (laughing) I have like a little locket and I love romance and love and there's lots of hellish romance novels on my bedside table. Yeah, so it's sort of like
the physical, I'm from hell. (laughing) It's like a thing people
always ask me about, like if you're from like
a famous city in a movie, and they only ask you
like the same three things that they always know about hell so I find it very tiring and annoying to answer questions about it. I live in my father's shadow
a bit, my father is Gogmawth, who's like the Lord of Evil. - The original God of Evil, that created Zaul'Nazh
and everything else. - Yes and so people always ask me and try to get favor
from the forces of evil based on his accomplishments
and not my own. Trying to make my own name for myself. I am the girlfriend of Zaul'Nazh, which is like I'm following my heart but at the same time, you
know, stop asking about him. (laughing) - You see that behind you
is your handmaiden Sistra, who is a cyclops hag, she... One eye, sort of straggly hair, this sort of like onyx, blue
lapis lazuli kind of skin, sort of like hermetic robe,
hermit's robe around her and she is just combing your
long beautiful, flaming hair and you see that she looks and you, you're looking at yourself
and her behind you in a mirror and you see she goes, I have
ta say, you look radiant today. (giggles) - Thanks. I don't feel radiant. - What, Maggie, why? - I feel like, I don't know,
is my hair falling out? - You see that she says,
I, do you want it to? (laughing) That's a thing, that's
a thing that I heard, the spotty leper look. - No, I'm not-- (laughing) (sighing) Should I be
so stressed, you know? I'm so stressed you know,
sorry, I'm just like, you know, Zaul'Nazh ever since you know, ever since he got crushed into a mouth and now he's a giant flaming mouth, things haven't been the same. - That's right, that was awful, when that awful Lyssandra half elven smashed his head with her mace. - Yes, I remember. I remember. And it was, I don't know, I just wonder if things
are a little different between us now, and I don't know. - Well, I mean, you think
he's gonna pop the question after the world of man, elves,
and dwarves falls don't y-- - I mean, I hope so. I've been waiting for it. I've imagined every scenario in my mind but what if he doesn't you know, and sometimes I have that thought and it makes me wanna
punch myself in the face which would kill me. (laughing) - You see, she looks at you and says, listen, and here's the thing. - Tell me. - Zaul'Nazh hears all and
me speaking out against him literally forfeits my
life, even that being said, if he doesn't pop the question
to you, he fucking crazy. - He be crazy, right? - You are a capital C, Catch. - Thank you! Thank you and I tell him that and I know that, when I look in mirror and I see myself, and I know that. But you know, you never know, you never know, things can change. - Listen. Let me tell ya something. I've been around a lot. I've been around a long time. Okay? And I've seen people come and go, alright, and Zaul'Nazh, back in the early days when he was dogging around. - Yes, I remember. Disgusting. - Disgusting. - [Rekha] Disgusting. - He looks at you. - Stop. - [Brennan] Like he looks at nobody else. - Stop. - And for me to be able to tell that when he has no eyes or face, (laughing) that means something. - Thank you, and you know, belatedly, I'm sorry I never ask you
about your personal life, we kinda just talk only about my stuff. - No! Oh my god, listen. At my age, I'm just happy
to catch up on the gossip! (laughing) - Excellent. - My partner is a pool
of shadow sludge, so. - Aw. That's sweet. Well. - So it's all, you know,
there's nothing to report. It's sort of like, yeah things are good, they're still sort of in the
area of space they occupy so. - Yeah, I want what you have. (laughing) (snotty sniffling) - Wipes a tear from the
center eye of her face. (laughing) And she goes, that is so sweet. Listen, you know, you guys
have all been hoofing it. And it's going to work out. - Thanks.
- [Brennan] I know that. - He is really the love of my life. - And here's the thing, that's
something rare and special, and once he's conquered
the world of men and elves, then you know what you gotta tell him? You gotta take him, this
is on your wedding night. - Uh oh! - Uh oh! Oh, and this is when you'll
have more than a mouth to work. - Uh oh! Trust me I don't need it. (screaming and laughing) - You're so bad! You are evil! (punching and breaking glass) Boom, boom, boom, boom! (laughing) She's, like, Sistra's like badly injured, and she's like, I love it, I love it! - Ah, you're fun! - I think it passes the Bechdel test if two women are talking
about a man while fighting, (laughing) I think it does. (laughing) - You see a, rather you begin to hear, boom ba-ba boom boom, boom ba-ba boom. A council being called in
the throne room of Zaul'Nazh. - Oh no, I think I have to go. (laughing) - Sistra says, alright, she like primps a couple more things. - [Rehka] Thank you. - She says, you look gorgeous, okay? And I'll say this as well, (throat clearing) he's going through a lot, he's stressed, he's got a lot on his mind. He's gotta get that crown back. Once he does and he's going to, you look at him, wedding night, and before you do what you're about to do, you say listen buddy, you had your turn. Now, married? You support me. And then you-- - I'm gonna do what I wanna do. - Yes, time for your career! - It's time for my career. I follow him around every
little hellmouth on Earth. - Yes! - Doing what he wants. - I'm excited to see what
the Dark Lady, Maggie, has in store-- - Oh! - Mwah, you look great! - Thank you! - And you, (laughing) head off, then. And we, (powerful exhale), as Maggie heads towards the throne room, we (powerful inhale)
over to the other side of The Bloodkeep where a jet black ship covered in skulls is moored with chains and ropes to a balcony hundreds of feet above the ground. A sky ship, covered in
the most fearsome corsairs the world has ever seen, with jewels bedecked with gold, magical blades at their side, this is The Siren, the flagship
of the Forgotten Fleet. And we see loads and loads of gunpowder, cannons marked with
runes, magical artillery, all being provided gratis due to the extremely extracting contract of Markus St. Vincent, the Unseen Blade. Ify could you describe Markus for us? - Yeah, Markus St.
Vincent, the Unseen Blade. (laughing) Captain of the Forgotten Fleet and victim of a stolen throne. He sits you know, in the lower
decks of his dope-ass ship, The Siren, and he sits back with his crew. He has to his right hand
side, Anne of Kilkathery, Ol' Pickering, down doing stuff and Bad Henry's sitting right behind him and he sits draped with his hood up as he has this marbled gold and silver skull mask covering his face, so all you can see is his dreaded beard, coming down from it. As a matter of fact, he
is taking some black wax and really tightening it up. (laughing) And he sits, and he's draped
kinda in this hooded cloak but under it you can see
just a little bit of like, of royal captain's outfit. So it's almost like he just
threw a cloak over that, but it's old, ragged, it's been a while. He hasn't been home for a long time. And through the sleeves of his cloak you see nice studded gold rings, you really don't know how he
fights with all of this stuff because it's just too extravagant. Like if this realm had
a rapper he'd be it. (laughing) And he sits with his arms crossed as Ol' Pickering is standing
in front of him with receipts and they're just basically
going over inventory as they get ready to go through the day. - You're running through
it with Bad Henry, you see that standing before
you is this little sort of treasury magistrate from
the Onyx Vault name Privo. It's like a little goblin in
like a little jet black suit with little gold accoutrement on it, and he's got like a long
scroll and looking at it, and he says, ah yes, Captain St. Vincent, there are some discrepancies,
the number of cannon, according to your contract, it
seems we're fulfilling this, we at the actual Bloodkeep will be left with no arcane cannon if you
take the amount that you have-- - It's very true, but, If you have us protecting this, you won't need arcane cannons. As long as we have all those cannons, not a hair will be
touched on your Dark Lord. As a matter of fact, with
this ship being here, nothing is happening to your Dark Lord. - Ah, yes. I understand. The only thing Captain St. Vincent, is that you have a
stipulation in your contract that The Siren is to be allowed to loot the city of Tor Kelin whensoever it falls, which should be today. - Oh, I like when you say that. Say it one more time. - Okay, I'm saying it as a problem so-- (laughing) So, so, because the ship
obviously can't be here defending The Bloodkeep if it is looting the city of Tor Kelin. See that Bad Henry behind you goes, Captain, I don't know if
I like this goblin much. I would like to do bad things to him. - Yeah, yeah, but if we
start doing bad things to people who owe us money,
we won't get the money. - See Anne nods and kind of laughs and she puts up a big
seven league boot leg on this chest of treasure and she says, right Privo, so let me get this straight, you're asking us to remain here, even though we are contractually
allowed to take flight and head off in the direction of Tor Kelin where all the jewels of the ancient empire of Tyriath remain. Am I to understand that the
Dark Lord is breaching contract? - Oh. - See, Privo goes, (hysterical
wheezing) no, no no. I didn't say that. (laughing) What I was saying, was I was remarking that the contract is written in such a way that we are putting all of our
defensive cannon on your ship and then the ship is allowed to leave to go make more money elsewhere. - Okay, but you're talking about cannons, don't you have like a hot spider lady? A wet elf? You got like this, like, skull
like dark dead knight dude who's riding on dragons. And you got that devil lady
with the big-ass hammer. Like you don't need, you don't need, you don't need the cannons. You got what you got. Now you just bein' extra, you know? Then that beast dude, you
know, he's gonna come up, probably eat the scraps, you know? (laughing) He's up there, then
you don't need cannons. The cannons are excessive and I'm just taking them off your hands so you got less stuff to do when we move into wherever
new kingdom you take over. - Bad Henry goes, the Captain
is doing you a favor, goblin. And in fact I think we actually
have a clause about favors, where we get paid a prefix rate for those. - Oh, add that to the docket. That's gonna be 500 gold for that favor. - Alright, I'm only making
it worse by being here, so I'm going-- (laughing) He says, I am going to leave. Well, I have failed in my
endeavors, Small Tom will eat me. And you see he, skitters off. You see that Ol' Pickering comes in, just ancient, old corsair
and you see he goes, aye Captain, it's good to see ye again. I have made preparations, The
Siren is in fit fighting form. - Oh yes, yes. - And these cannon are a pretty penny and we've got about twice
as many as we can use. - Okay. - So we'll be able to sell
them at a high mark-up, I mean there's nothing
in the contract that says we can't sell them to a third party. - Yeah, yeah, no, no,
that's just, you know, like I said, we're doing
them a favor, you know. - Making money, making money. - You know, look, we
make money, we conquer, in the order I just said. (laughing) - You see he looks up and you and says, aye, and when the world
of human beings falls, we'll be rich! - Yeah, yeah, you know I mean
to keep asking about that. Like are we included in
that human being clause of the world being ruin, you know I haven't thought of that so, uh. - You see that Anne kind
of scratches her head and Bad Henry sort of goes, hm... We've sided with Gorgar against every other human in the world. - Yeah, but remember that
humans sided against us when we took off on that scouting mission. Never heard back from my dad or brother, was lost at sea and air. - You see that Ol' Pickering, actually make an insight check for me. - Oh. (dice clacking) Uh, ten. - You see that there's a
quick look shared between Ol' Pickering, Anne, and Bad Henry as they look at each other. - What was that? (laughing) - What's that Captain? - What was that look that you just did? - You see that Anne looks at you and says, right Captain, there's been word that... Along with Casara the
Beige and Telmyr the Calm, and the Ranger of the North, that your brother Taevian has sworn alliance with Tyriath and will be fighting at the Door of Doom. - That little punk ass piece. So he's gonna send me
out, leave me on my own, and the only thing I can
do is join the Dark Lord, and then he's gonna side with them? - Well, rather side against him. He'll be fighting alongside
the forces of men, elves, and dwarves. - Yeah, no that's what I
meant, I just said it weird. (laughing) Alright, it'll be, I'll look at this as
our chance for revenge. - You see Bad Henry says, and revenge is a dish best served bad. (laughing) - Yes, yes. Revenge is a dish best served bad. - You see that Pickering
looks over at Anne and says, Bad Henry's always trying
to work that angle. I understand why he's doing
it, in any case, Captain, I wouldn't worry yourself. Maybe all the humans in the world die and we're the last humans left and we have to run away from all the orcs but we'll be runnin' away rich! - Yes, yes. - Don't think on it too hard. - I been tryin' not to, I just, my brother sneakin' in like
that, you know, I just, it's gonna weigh heavy on me. - He nods and says, well, we'll take The Siren out to
Tor Kelin to start the looting, if you remain here, Captain, you'll collect the largest mercenary fee in the history of Elna. Anne pours a drink for herself, Bad Henry pours a drink for himself, Pickering pours one for hims and you. To being rich. - To being rich. - Plink. (slurping) Boom ba-ba boom boom, boom ba-ba boom. And you hear the council drums. As you begin to walk away, you see your crew (metal
dragging) take their scimitars, (metal click) salute you
from the deck of The Siren as it sails into the
smokey clouds of Gorgar. And you see that Ol' Pickering raises his little speaking stone aloft and says, we'll be ready to come back and get the payment when
they've readied the fee. That Onyx Vault doesn't
open lightly, Captain. (wind blowing) And they take off. And you guys all congregate. You stride away from The Siren, or rather, The Siren flies off into
the skies of Gorgar, and you make your way
towards the throne room. Boom ba-ba boom boom. Up in the heart of the
vast and mighty Bloodkeep, we cut back to Efink and Lilith, who are walking side by side, followed by a train of spiders. (skittering) And as you guys are walking, talking, heading up for your
basically final council of the high lieutenants of Zaul'Nazh, that you will have before
the ending of the world. You're preparing for the final push. This'll be the last
meeting you guys all have before the big climax
of this war and again, you look out over the vast
and mighty armies here, you know that the forces of
good, they're out numbered, they're weak, most of the
elves have already left for far shores. The world of man has lost its strength, most of the dwarves didn't even show up, they have a hard time getting around so they are very short and
they wear very heavy armor so they don't, you know, they shouldn't be expected to do that. But, point being, forces
of light, not about it. Right? As you're walking along, you
pass by the Library of Madness, where the ancient tomes, vast lore written in the midnight
tongue of Gorgar are kept. You guys see that Keldriel, who is sort of old, wild haired witch, she's kind of like, has
got these sunken eyes. She always looks like she just got given horrible news, constantly. That is her face at all times. She runs up with this
giant tome and she goes. (gasping and screaming) My Queens! (heavy breathing) - Oh, um, yes? - Is it actually bad news
or is this just, your thing? - What's that? - Well, well, out with it, okay! No it's fine, it's fine. - [Brennan] The books. - Professor Trelawney, over here. (laughing) - Yes. (gasping) The books, they are bad books. The letters. - Yes, the tomes of horrors, yes. - Yes they are spikey. - Yes you're bleeding as it turns out. (screaming) - She looks at her hand covered in blood. They want my mind but
they can't have it yet. (deranged whispering) - Okay, well, we-- (laughing) - You see-- - You can talk, Keldi, you can talk. - Sorry I- there's something
I needed to tell you I found. A book. I know that the Umbra
Knight has been searching, for the crown, searching,
searching always, ah... - Okay? And we're back (clapping). - And we're back, yes, ah! Do you ever fall into your own mind? - Um, well, on purpose only, yes. - Um, Keldi, may I suggest therapy? It would be very good
for you, very healthy. And there's no stigma, there
should be no stigma against it, not here in The Bloodkeep. - Yeah, absolutely not also-- - My therapist went crazy. - Oh. - Well, any, um-- - I told my therapist about my stuff, and they leapt from the
top of The Bloodkeep and they turned into bats, and the bats hanged themselves. (laughing) - Sometimes it's hard to find
someone you really click with. - Yes, you do have to go
therapy shopping sometimes. - Do you know how committed you need to be as a bat to hang yourself? You can fly! - Yes you must, yes you
must press down, uh, oh the image is despicable. What is it about the bloody book? - I have found deep in the vast recesses of the Library of Madness a
book which contains the lore of crown forging. - Oh. - I have found the journal
of the Lord of Shadows and there may be clues
within the spells herein to help us find his last crown. - Well fantastic, what is the
policy for checking them out? - Oh, policy for checking them out? Well as long as you don't
have an overdue book, you are welcome to sign
anything out that you like. - I mean, are you holding it right there? - What's that? - [Amy] Is that what you're holding-- - This is what I'm holding right here. - Yeah, the book right there-- - But I didn't sign it out,
that's why I'm bleeding! - Oh. - You see that she walks back like ten steps into the library and the blood gets (slurping)
sucked up into the book and she goes (screaming)
oh these books are rotten. - Okay, I love it, I love it. Now what we need from you,
disappear, write it down, and have a messenger
send it to the Dark Lord, because I have to say, your
verbal communication is lacking. - Why do you say that? - Well. - Help me. (laughing) - [Amy] No. - We're very busy right at the moment. - We've been summoned, did
you not hear the drum beat? - Oh, I hear them all the time. Always. - That's not normal, though. - Help, okay. - Yes, the clues, write them
out, just write them out. - I shall send this book
to the Lord of Shadows. - No, no. Just the clues. - Just the clues? - Yes, he doesn't have eyes
really, to read it with, so maybe just have a messenger come and give us the sort
of spark notes version. - And by the way, how the
fuck is this bad news? - What? - You said it was bad news. - No I didn't, I just screamed. (laughing) - She did, I believe she said it was news. She said it was news and we just assumed that it was bad news. - Why would you assume
everything I say is bad news? (screaming) (laughing) - Yes. - I will go write the clues down. - I am, I don't hate
women, I hate that bitch. (laughing) - That's not a very nice word, Efink. - I just hate her. I just can't stand her. (laughing) - You see she walks back
into the Library of Madness. And the books, they are
going to try to kill me. She walks away. You guys continue on your
way, having gotten the news-- - You know, I believe, she
should really look into maybe transferring to another
branch or something. - Honestly your suggestion of therapy and finding the right one is
a like glorious suggestion, but yes, any version of this
keep not having her here is honestly, the best solution. - We might have somebody
that's much more suited to the job of managing mad tomes. - And also, just fuck her. (laughing) - You guys walk away. Leeland and Sokhbarr, you guys are higher up in The Bloodkeep, but about equidistant
from the throne room. As you guys walk, you hear
the weird shivering shrieks and muted screams of the Tortury, which is the place where all
of this horrifying torture and pain and ruin is happening. You guys see a horrifying little goblin in a weird series of like
leather straps and belts with a horrifying little cod
piece and series of rings with chains hanging from
his ears to his nose. One of his arms is cut off, like halfway down from the elbow, there's just like a curved bone saw there, you see the other one is
holding this weird spiked flail, this is Master Ipskix, he's
the head of the Tortury. You see he wanders out,
covered in some kinda gunk, and he walks out and
goes, well hello my lords, it's a pleasure to see you
walking by the Tortury, I trust that you are well on
this the eve of our victory over the forces of light. - I slowly turn my head towards him, my eyes sparking with blue flame, the voice, guttural, low and layered. Torturer. (heavy breathing) It's so nice to see you-- - It's nice to see you though. - You look like you've
been busy, haven't you? - Oh I know, it's all been
overtime, push, push, push, and everyone's deferring
their vacation days 'till after the fall of the world of man-- - Well of course, of course, because then we can all go together. - That will be lovely. - Well you know, when
you got that deadline, sometimes you gotta like sprint for it, but you know, if you know
there's something waiting for you on the other side where you can relax, you're gosh, you know. - I can't wait, I just hope
the work doesn't suffer, you know, when the work suffers, the people don't and that's my problem. (laughing) It was a stretch. The point I was wanting to make is yes, I wanted to stop you
on your way to consult with the Dark Lord, first of
all to say, come by sometime, we're working on some
really interesting things. We're training little ants and beetles to carry little swords and
sharp things, and crawl in, and you know when you get a rat to eat through someone's stomach
and come to the other side, we're trying to cover the rats in spikes. There's a lot of
interesting work happening and it's all kind of in the department. - That's really great. 'Cause you know, that's good for you, and it's also good for the rats. - They get a full meal out
of it, that's for sure. - That's a wondrous idea. There is existing necromancy that can do exactly
what you're designing-- - You're kidding me? - I'm not trying to
shit all over your work, I think it's wonderful, you've
been busy, I just don't, I would hate for this to be
done and find redundancy. - Why are you doing this? (gasping laughter) - Look, I... I just appreciate an efficient work force and I don't want any of our
resources to be misplaced. - Master, you're doing a great job Ipskix. - Well, let me just say
something here because of course, I love my work and nothing
makes me more happy than to see someone hurting, but, I would love for our Bloodkeep to be more interdisciplinary. Why can't we, I mean, we're using rats. We get those rats from you. - Sure. - If we have necromancers
who are interested in pursuing another path, where's the harm in that,
other than the harm in that! (grunting excitedly) (laughing) - That's grotesque. - Sort of step back,
just let him flail a bit, it was like, let him kinda-- (laughing) - Perhaps there was some
sort of meeting of minds that could be established here. What if, perhaps, the
combination of necromantic magics could wait for the rats themselves to shred whatever's before them, then rise them up for a second round. Perhaps the two formats could be brought to a synergistic climax, if you will. - I'm taking all this
down, this is all great. - There we are, there we are, wondrous. So, ants, beetles you say? - Yes!
- Right? Imagine if you could hide
them within the rats, before they have been risen. - Yes! - And then such could survive-- - It's like a turducken of torture. - Exactly, exactly. - I loves it, I do! Well, I'm not gonna lie,
I am hard as a diamond. - I can see. - We can all see. - Uh, genuinely impressive. - Ah, thank you, I am a
nasty little piece of work. (slurping and coughing) Now, what I wanted to ask was, we got some word that an old guest of ours was caught skulking around the mountains near the Door of Doom. - An old guest? - Do you remember that
little, strange, warped, mutated halfling we found? Hork. - Oh, yes, Hork. Disgusting being. - Well, of course we pulled
the truth out of him. - I'm imagining you doing all
of this with a massive boner. - That's like bouncing. (laughing) - That's what the cod piece is for, is we gotta have workplace safety. (laughing) - [Amy] I'm so sorry. - He goes, so, what I was thinkin' was, I just wanted to say that
we've spotted him again, and I know that we had
released him on the idea that he had been pursuing
the halflings, Longfoot, so I thought I would tell you that he was spotted up
near the Door of Doom, but it was a while past. - Alright. And you spotted him? You didn't decide to pursue? - It was a while past? - Because word has just
gotten to me, you understand. - Right, uh. - Alright, so you're suggesting that maybe Longfoot is skulking around
the mountain, he's with Hork? - How about if you do me a favor. Do not give this information
to the Lord of Shadows. I will personally deliver it to him. - Of course, I'm not
allowed to go in there or I'd be turned inside out. God, can you imagine
how good it would feel to get turned inside out? - Oh, wow. That cod piece is moving a lot. (laughing) Man, there's some thunking sounds coming from inside that cod piece. - Alright, well I gotta get back inside, I got a full day of work
ahead, I can't finish up now, so I'll leave ya to yer business. - Always a pleasure Ipskix. - Always is, isn't it! And you see, he skitters off. - Um, I... Have nothing to say, let's continue on. (laughing) - It wouldn't be a problem if I delivered the news to
the Lord of Shadows, right? - Well, I mean, (chuckling). - Alright, yeah, I got it, I got it. - I appreciate it, it's that
the crown's kind of my thing. I've been searching for it for quite an extended period of time! - It has been quite a while that you've been searching for that. - Oh, it's quite a slippery thing. That should not have been
taken in the first place. So yes, I would greatly appreciate that. - Sure. - As my department. - Sure. - And as we all have our
relegated, appointed aspects, please don't say anything. - Oh, sure. It's all yours. For a long, long, long deadline that keeps getting pushed, I guess. - These are trying times, but just know I appreciate your support. (laughing) - You guys (exhaling) venture
off towards the throne room. Meeting on the bridge-way
from the Ruby Tower and the kind of port for The Siren, Markus you come across Maggie, who you've met before, on your way to the bridge
going to the throne room. - Hi! You going to the council? - Yeah, yeah, heard the beatin' drums, so I know it's time to check in with old, uh you know, uh Lord Zee. (laughing) - Yeah, fun. Cool. - Yeah. - You guys both walk
at the edge of the gate that leads into the prechamber, you guys see a sudden
looming shape appear, and you see this is Olag, the High War King of the Blood Horde. You see Olag is this intense looking orc, huge blood-covered ax, muscle-bound. You see that he looks
at you with wide eyes, he goes, good morrow to you, lieutenants of the Lord of Shadows. I trust you are well this day? I wish only to bow in reverence to the consort of the Lord of Shadows. - Thank you! (laughing) - He says, I hear the beating drums and the council has been called. - Yep, that's kinda why
we're walking down this way. - I was wondering if
either of you had heard if, maybe because this is the final
meeting of the lieutenants, before the final push, if um, if they were going to maybe allow me, just being the leader of the orcs and all, to come in and maybe meet with you all, if that was going to be allowed or not. - Yeah, no I don't see, look
I'll go in there and I'll ask and if they let me, I'll pop my head out, signal you in, alright? (laughing) - It just seems so interesting to me, being the High War King
of the Blood Horde, that I am not in these meetings. You actually, are not even from Grogar. - Yeah, no I'm a paid
contractor, you know, just doin' my thang, you know. I'm sorry, I don't know about the orders and ranks around here, I'm just a guy, coming in to do a job. - It's literally a job, just no loyalty. For me, it's a cause. I would die for the Lord of Shadows. I wish to die in his name. When I see myself, at my most pure, it is me being destroyed in a final blow, to defend him. - Well, best case scenario, you don't even need to do that right? - [Ify] Yeah, yeah. - But I'm not afraid of it. - Okay, I see. - Yeah, that's great. That's really-- - I would welcome it. - Yeah, we'll carry the message,
we'll see what they say. - Yeah, you know, just-- - Maybe that'll be exciting
to them, and they'll be like, oh you know maybe it's new information, you gotta communicate,
maybe they didn't know that you felt that way. - It's just unclear where
the line is drawn you know. - [Ify] Yeah, yeah. - For example, with all
due respect, your highness. In these meetings, what
is it that you are-- - Oh, interesting. - Responsible for in these meetings? - Uh, Markus, we have to go. (laughing) - Olag says, well please do ask! - Okay, I'll ask. - I would do anything for him! I would kill myself where I stand for him. - Jesus christ, these guys, they really can't stand
not being in the room. They think, like, I'm taking his slot. No, in reality, there's some
other psychopath in there that took his slot. - Yeah, I mean. (laughing) - You guys all converge on the antechamber of the throne room. As you guys arrive here,
you see two massive trolls. You see Hobbert and Frod, the
guardians of the throne room. You see that one of them on
the left looks to you and says, hello, welcome to the throne
room of Lord of Shadows. - Hey, uh, I just wanted to, you know, if it's alright with everyone,
can we lock those doors? - Hard. - [Ify] Yeah. - Hard lock. - Hard lock the doors? - Yeah I feel like this is about to be a very important conversation, don't need anyone buttin' in. - We should-- - Was it Olag again? - Oh, it's 100% Olag. - That guy. - He's just. - He's intense. - Yeah, he talks at you! He talks at you! He doesn't talk to you! - I will kill him again soon
and bring him back to life. - Can't kill him fast enough. - Yes, each time it works
but it ramps up so quickly. - As time goes on, it's just, he gets more annoying and annoying, have to kill him more often. - Job satisfaction is all well and good, but what about about the rest of us? - You have to pride, that
the man has a passion. - Oh for sure, I mean,
he's a great worker-- (all talking over each other) - Listen. We all, but the thing is
we all stan the Dark Lord, we just do, right? We all stan him. (all agreeing) So no need to always say it. - It's so tricky when someone's
like good at their job, but they're just like
a pain to work with-- - Right, who am I gonna wanna talk to at three in the morning? - Not Olag. (laughing) - Also, you know, before we
start thanking him too much, I know I'm the newest here
and I'm not really like-- - No no, Markus, no! - But he was talking some smack. He was talking some real shit out there. He was saying why he shouldn't be in here and why he should be
here more than you guys, and I'm like, look, nobody-- - Honestly, like I bet
he's listening in now and I kinda don't care, like
he maybe needs to hear this. - Yeah. - Wait which one of us did
he say he could replace? - Well he made it seem
like anyone in here. He said he's the, high lord
of the orcs, or whatever. - But it wasn't specifically any of us? - No it wasn't, it was just
more of a general type thing. But I definitely felt like he was talking about Sokhbarr a lot, like
it really felt aimed at him, he was like I'm the lord of the orcs-- - Oh thank god. I mean, no, that's terrible. - I hate that fucking guy. - You see Hobbert and Frod
say, we will lock the doors to make sure that Olag can't get in and also we will be outside
so that we're not inside. - Thank you. - I wink at both of them. - He's gonna say, I have a question. When we beat all the elves
and dwarves and humans, will there be, um, will we
all move to where they are? To live where there
are trees and sunshine? - There shall be no trees nor sunshine when we have taken over the lands. - Oh. - I mean there'll be some trees. Maybe, I mean, I gotta
whole thing going on here. - Nice trees with flowers and apples? - Oh, no, it'll be like, gnarled trees with like, screaming faces-- - What, what the hell
are you talking about? - Oh, well, one of I heard, one of the pactwraith's was talking about, they were riding through a field that had a golden grain and I was all-- - Oh that is, ugh, that
is my people's aesthetic. The fucking elves. - It's so derivative, you know, it's a monolithic culture. - And it's bad too, 'cause it's like you wipe
out this whole ecosystem, you just plant grain, and it's just grain,
grain, grain, grain, grain. - It's terrible around allergy
season, year after year. - Yes, much better to see blacks and grays through a blue filter. - Lack of biodiversity. - Oh for sure, I mean, you know how many slime molds they killed just so they could plant a bunch of grain? It's like wow, cool, you really
did it, you really oh, ploo. - You see Hobbert for a sec, oh. Well, we had thought about you know, we heard legends about
things like a picnic and like to have a tea cup. - Oh those can be provided, I have a few extra sets in
my chambers if you'd like. - Yay! - Just minus the trees and grain. - Oh, okay! Well, that's very nice. Welcome, to the throne room
of the Lord of Shadows. You see they (whooshing) open the doors and you guys see the
throne of the Bloodkeep. Enter, the doors close behind you. (door shutting) And (powerful inhaling) (sharp click) lock. (fire crackling to life) A massive fanged maw of
fire appears in the throne. - As soon as this happens, I'm
gonna start muttering about, you are loved, you are important. You are loved, you are important. You will be listened to. You will be fine. (laughing) - I'm just hearing this
and just shaking my head. (laughing) - You see that the maw of Zaul'Nazh, Lord of Shadows, appears. (grunting) (menacing inhale) My most trusted advisors. Knights, champions, generals, and my darling. - Hi babe. (laughing) - We are gathered here
on the eve of victory. What do you have to report before the fall of the free world? - I'ma just come out and say it, I mean all of you, I gotta say, it's been a great time
with all of you, you know, devil lady, dead knight, wet elf, beast man, and spider lady. - We have names, we've been
working together for a while. - We have been introduced
a number of times. - She's more than a wet elf. - I know your names, I know your names! - Oh prove it, prove it right now, what are all of our names? - Maggie, oh Leeland? - Eh, Kraz-Thun, in the face of-- - You see that Zaul'Nazh
just goes (angry growling). - Uh, Kraz-Thun, Kraz-Thun,
I meant Kraz-Thun. That was just, I was just coughing. - The right hand of the Lord of Shadows cannot be named Leeland. - [Ify] Yeah. - Kraz-Thun. - Yep, yep. - A name becoming of
the ziggurat of igori. - Yeah my sky tongue makes
that hard to pronounce. - I honestly thought you
were mad that we were doing, we were taking trivialities at the moment, but no you were just mad that-- - No, no no no. - He did choose it for me. - Oh. - Yeah, I did. What of my crown, Kraz-Thun? - Stepping forward, head down a bit, clutching the darkened
helmet under one arm. My lord, me and the Vinguri
have traveled the length and breadth of the land,
slaying many of the men and the creations that
reside at their sides, left much blood and sorrow in our wake. - Really taking his sweet time about it, for sure, too, yeah. - We have been tracing the scent of your great darkened crown for some time and found word that the twisted halfling Hork seemingly also follows this
trail not far from this citadel. We are so very close to
finding it, like right here-- - And like, I cut in and go, and I have seen and been told that yes indeed, your delegate shall find the crown, and soon. - We shall. Yes, we shall. Indeed, thank you for
your support, dear friend. - Ah, yes, well. - Go ahead, each of you, and
make a persuasion check for me. - Mhm. (dice clanking) - Ooh. - Oh a 12. - 25. - 25. So you see Zaul'Nazh goes, ah, very good Kraz-Thun. - Of course my lord,
anything for you my lord. - He says, the crown is the key, when I have my crown returned my full strength will be mine once more. Soon Tor Kelin will fall and the realms of Tyriath, Care Blythwin will be yours, Efink. A land of beasts and spiders, a land where we can live as we wish. And you will have everything
your heart desires, Captain St. Vincent. - Oh, thanks. Put a little spice on the Captain there, is there tension between us? Look, I'm giving you the
fairest rate of all the land. - Everything I say has that tone to it. - Okay, I just wanna make sure, I like to have a strong
bond between my client and make sure everything's good. - Right now at the Door of Doom, the forces of light gather. Casara the Beige, and Telmyr the Calm have picked Prucifal son of Parivo, some ranger from the North, to sit once more on the throne of Tyriath. But it is no matter, we
will crush them there, crown or no, and when my
talisman is returned to me, then all the lands will fall as well. When my crown is returned, all the peoples of Elna will turn to me and say- He, fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Nonononononono! (high pitched screaming) (explosions) The fire explodes into hot wind and air, you are buffeted back, the throne (cracking stone)
goes a little, pting, pathetic cinder lies and
falls apart into some ash, and like gray ashy embers. (flames crackling) You guys hear the
foundations of the structure of The Bloodkeep go,
(creaking and thudding) and you feel a vast pft of arcane energy spells and enchantments fading and
dying (wheezing) with a wheeze. (all start screaming) - We gon' make those people hurt! They gon' make, they
gon' be doin' all that, ain't that right Lord Zee? Ain't that right? - I go up to the throne
looking for any like, remnants. - Is there a ring? Look for a ring! Sokhbarr do you see a ring? - I don't see a ring! - [Rehka] You don't see a ring? - I don't see a ring. (heavy breathing) - Is there enough ash to gather? - There's a little bit
of ash, as you gather, make an arcana check for me. - Lilith just takes a sip of her wine. - It's going to be 22. - You gather, it starts to
like go away on the wind, and you like, nononono, ah ah! And you have a tiny little ember, just the smallest little
lumpy ashy piece of coal. - What that wasn't just a? - My lord? Zaul'Nazh? - Maybe I should try, maybe
he's not gonna respond to you? - No, he's fine. I have him here. - I'm sorry, what the fuck is going on? - Yeah, I thought that was an act! - Alright, give me a
second and I roll my bone, and I think it's like the
skull just spins, like? - You see that the skull,
for the first time ever, perfectly rests on the
round part of the skull. - What is? What's going on? - What does it say? - Yes I have looked deep inside my bone and I have seen that, um, I don't know. - What? - Efink, you, foresaw
victory, it was assured? - And there still may be, because this doesn't mean anything. - More importantly,
your main thing is like, knowing stuff, right? Like that's why you're
here, is to know things. - Yes, I know but it is an imperfect magical art of divination so this is untoward is what this is, and I must spend time to, I don't know, I don't know! - Can I look around for just anything that I think might like answer,
anything that's in the room. - Go ahead and give me
a investigation check. - Sure. - This is just, surely
a temporary setback, I mean, we have our vast
armies and you know, the realms of men and elves
and dwarves are fractured, and-- - As Lilith is saying that, you all look out through the huge window through which the maw yells
commands out to the armies. You look out and see a vast
horde of shambling undead orcs, that have all been given like armor. And you see this orc general going like, alright you maggots, now
you've been reanimated by the force of the Lord of Shadows, too, about ten thousand zombies fall
over and just start to rot. (high pitched whining) - Oh shit. - Oh. - Oh shit. - Can I use my divination
for bones of fate to talk to my deity and see what is up? - Uh sure thing. - Okay, so I do that, it
is your father (laughing). Can everyone hear him? - Yes, everyone can hear him. I'm gonna roll a little thing right here. Wonderful. - Yes, bone daddy. (laughing) - What is the question that
you are posing to your deity? - I guess, will there still be victory, no, more, what happened? - What happened? You, (electronic sparkling) use the bone and in the eyes of the skull, as you all stare into it, fire. A realm of endless
nightmare shade and flame. Your old hometown. (groans) (electronic sparkling) Appears in the skulls eyes-- - There's a Chili's there now. - You see a titan that rivals the size of this world's greatest mountains. A demon of endless fire, and appearing at this demon's feet... In corporeal form, armor, ancient or black
spiky armor, cloak, is Zaul'Nazh, who manifests in the realm of nightmare. In the lands beyond. He is gone from this realm. - No! We were supposed to get married! - Did he propose? - No. - That's telling. - Oh, oh is it? Is it? Why don't I try talking to the ashes, since you're doing such a shitty job. - Is the ember still burning? - It has completely gone out. - You fucking idiot. - Don't you even start this
with me, you little strumpet! This entire time, you have been
pouring poison into his ears and distracting him from
the (hysterical crying). - Where is the crown, Leeland, huh? You need another 25 years to get it? - I mean I don't wanna
say she's right, but. - Yes, everything did hinge
on that as it turns out, it was not my fault. - Every one of these
meetings we had, he was like, the crown is the key, we need the crown. - To be honest with you, I
was always mostly focused on all the vast armies
and the keeps of men. - As you well should be. - Oh yeah that makes
sense, that makes sense! - But it turns out that that
little piece of jewelry was-- - It looks like there's two pieces of important jewelry
we're missing right here. (laughing) Dear god! (laughing) - Okay, we need to
assess our options here. We, I don't know what's happening, I cannot see the future for
the first time in my life, I might say. So we need to, I'm an
opportunist at heart, determine who will win this right? I can't do that anymore. Who can? - No, no, you just have to
believe in yourself honey. - Oh, okay. I'm gonna need a quick second, are the big trolls still in there? - Ostensibly they're still outside. - Okay. - Do you wanna, you can
dip out and ask them, yeah. - Yeah, I'd like to-- - No, let's just kinda keep this on the down low for right
now, I mean you know. - Okay, yeah, I just need to-- - Ten thousand undead orcs have vanished. - Okay, you know what, it's-- - We'll work this out. I'm just gonna, I'ma gonna
make some moves right now. And I poke my head out to the orcs, hey can you go get that one treasurer guy, I need to talk to him real quick. - Oh, uh, the Small Tom or Master Privo? - Master Privo, lemme-- - I'ma go get Privo. - Nice. - You see that Olag is over
in the corner and says, are we good for me to come in? (screaming) (laughing) - Oh, you know, nah, he's
like, this is definitely-- - The Dark Lord is very busy right now. - [Ify and Erika] Very, very busy. - Does he have a timeline
on which this decision-- - It's really very up in
the air at the moment, we're moving a lot of things around. - Alright, well I will wait. I would die for him. - Yes we know. - You say that every time. Every time. - And slams the door. (door thudding) - A moment or two later, you see that Master Privo
is brought to the door, and you see that Hobbert says, would you like him to be brought in? - No! Nope, nope, nope. I just need to have a
quick pow-wow with him. - Okay. You see that you step out
and Master Privo says, um, yes, Captain. - So for no reason at all
that you should worry about, you know, Lord Zee, Zaul'Nazh, we're in this meeting that
we're having, top secret, only the highest lieutenants can enter, he said get all the gold in the treasury and bring it up to where
my ship should be soon. - Oh, you-- - He said now, he said now. And he did that thing where like-- - No, no no no! I don't think so Markus! - What do you even need
gold for right now? - No, Privo, don't do it! - [Ify] What? - Don't do it! - You see that Privo looks and says, alright well, we can just
ask the Lord of Shadows-- - No, no no, we-- - Markus how dare you, in this time of the lord
taking a moment to sneeze, are you going to just-- - During this sneeze, I promise I, I got ya'lls back, 'cause what's in the treasury, ain't even half the contract, but now I just need a little insurance before we go any further. 'Cause this, sneeze! - Ah, sorry, in the event of any sort of catastrophic failing of the empire of darkness,
even hypothetically, what does the contract say
about the Captain's payment? - Ah yes, well, the
contract was very strict. I would say this, contractually, Golgar is obliged to pay Captain St. Vincent his fee, however, if in a
catastrophic event where say, the only thing that would
bar that from happening would be if Golgar endured a complete and utter collapse of its
entire civic infrastructure. - That's preposterous. Preposterous. Preposterous. But in that event, then what would happen? - In the collapse of an
entire civic infrastructure? - [Erika] Yes. - Yes, are there any other contracts that we can have faith in? - Well, all laws are based upon the promise of governmental authority which rests itself in our country mostly on arcane and marshal potency. - Hey do you happen to be pregnant? It would make things so much easier. (heavy breathing) - I am. - You see that-- (laughing) You see that Privo looks over
you and says, congratulations! Ah, well, hopefully Lord
Zee will do the right thing and pop the question sooner-- - Shut the fuck up! (laughing) - It's bad luck-- - What? - It's bad luck to talk about, you know-- - Ah, very well. Well yes, I would say that the, you are legally obliged to be paid, these laws exist as long
as the nation exists, obviously without a nation,
there can be no laws. - Obviously. - Okay, cool, that's all you need to say, and then I just smush his-- (laughing) Okay, so I'm deeply invested
in the success of this venture, what is plan B? - Not to belabor the point, but-- - Well, plan B is way too late. (laughing) - Well, first may I say, congratulations, we have so many tips for you. It's something beautiful
to look forward to, but in the mean time,
you heard the lawyer, it's arcane and marshal prowess
are what will win the day. - Here what I, here's what I want to do because I'm feeling crazy. I want all of us-- - Why, is something crazy happening here? Did the most powerful
fucking being in the whole-- - Alright, alright, alright! So-- - I guess Maggie's pregnant,
we'll just gloss over that. - Alright! - Oh, yeah, everything's going great here. - Alright! Soak-soaky bar. - Don't call me that. - Bar of soak. Um, let's, I think we should
make a blood pact to each other because without each other, I do not see any sort
of victory happening. - Okay.
- Okay. - Alright.
- Alright. - I feel, like maybe we need to clarify exactly how Zaul'Nazh, this being of utmost power, what the fuck just happened to him? - Yes, we definitely need to
do that but before that I need, um, I just need to feel, um-- - Yes, you're fine, god! You're so needy sometimes. - Yes, I feel like I have everyone's back. - Yes you have our support,
everything's great okay. - Well like, no, like let's blood pact it. - What? - Like, can-- - It's always about blood with you. - Yes, can we all bleed and swear? - I can't bleed right now. - As all this is happening,
all this conversation, Leeland is still there at
the base of the throne, clutching the remnants of
the ember after the argument and just turns and goes, he chose me. (sad laughing) He plucked me from my mortal shell of which nothing was waiting for me and he gave me purpose and he named me, and I swore to him that
I would find the crown and I've, I failed, you're right. You're right, this is my fault. - Yes, it is. - I did this. - So why, why was this crown so important? Look, I'm new here-- - To be honest, no, no. No that's a good point. If this was more important,
it would've been something that I should've known. I mean I looked for him, but I was like maybe it's a nice thing that
he likes to put on his head and it would look very nice and-- - It would've been something
I would've known too. - But I would've put more effort into it. But it's not his fault. This is mine, this is mine to bear. Well, this has been fun everyone, I'm just gonna take off
my crown of chains and-- - As you go to touch the
crown of chains, you touch it and (fire sparking) your
fingers are singed and burned. (screaming) - Good. - No! No, I can't continue to unlive like this. - Lilith scuttles over to Leeland and slaps him across the face. Pull yourself together man, we can all mourn the loss of the great Dark Lord of Shadows later, but for right now we need
to look out for each other! - Thank you blood pact, okay. So two of us are on board. - So can't we just agree to do this without me drawing blood,
you know, like, I don't know, look I'm down for a blood
pact, I'm down for a contract, 'cause that'll work, I'm all about that. - I will say this, let me get
an arcana check from Efink and Kraz-Thun if I can. (dice thudding) - Natural one. - Natural one, cool. - That would be a 23. 23. Touching your circle and
having it singe your fingers, you are left with an
understanding somehow that... He is gone. You have failed him, the
self-loathing you feel is all real, however, if every piece of him was gone, you should be gone too. There's no way that you're still here, and there's not hope of something. - Friends. This crown, this chain circlet of eternity that was put upon my
brow and keeps me here, this magic, is of the lord himself. If he was truly gone, so
should I be, and that means, the fact that I'm here,
he still lives within me. - He lives within me! (laughing) On that, I touch him and I cast revivify. Like just, this is instinct, I'm gonna revivify the Dark Lord. - Cool, you cast revivify, it has sadly been longer than a minute. - That's right. - So boom, spell happens, but
you do have an oracular vision as you were saying that of you, 'cause you're going into Leeland's crown to like get the Dark Lord's essence. - Yeah, yeah yeah. (electricity sparking) - And suddenly you're
looking in Leeland's crown and you see runes, and
they're the exact same runes that were on the spine of
that book in the library. - Oh, (angry grumbling) oh lord, dammit, we have to go back into
that crazy woman's library. The runes inside your crown, the magic runes they are
the same upon the spine of, what is her name? - [Brennan and Erika] Keldriel. - Keldriel's book! - He's still with me. (laughing) - Oh, dear god, you're
centering yourself again. (laughing) - Alright, so here's the plan. We obviously can't let
anyone come in here, so ya'll can go to the crazy
library, and we'll stay here-- - No, no, no. - You honestly scream so much! - You would have Privo in here in a minute stealing gold, Markus. - Look, I don't want the gold I just don't wanna talk to the-- - Bullshit, you do want the gold. - Oh, yes, that's true. But, I don't wanna talk to the
crazy lady most and foremost. - Listen, we should all stick together, as his foremost generals, we have the best chance
of bringing him back if that is what you wish to do, I suppose. - There is no other reason before us. We will bring him back. - We have to.
- We will reforge him. And he will be my, our-- - [Mike] Okay, so-- - Our lord once again. - So why don't we like hang
a little sign that says, out for snacks, gotta go get some drinks, we'll put it on the door. (all yelling and talking) - No that is very on
brand for us, isn't it? - [Mike] Yes. - Yes, pre-victory nap. Good. - Yes. (all agreeing) - Taking a moment before the big victory. Let's go check out this book, let's see what's going on here, alright? - Um, Markus walks over to Kraz-Thun and like hands him a leather pouch. For your ashes, you know, usually I keep like
secret gunpowder in here, but I was like, hey,
just lettin' ya'll know, I'm still your friends. - I put my cold hand out that sends a slight ice shimmer
through your shoulder-- - Ah. - This is very kind of you. - Ah, thanks. - When it comes time for you
to shuffle your mortal coil, I can find a place amongst my
spiritual guardians for you. - Thanks. - I think you can't promise
that, honestly, at this point. - I will promise what I like! (laughing) I go walk over and start
gathering the ash into the pouch. - You see that its mixing
with a little bit of gunpowder that's still in there. - It's fine, it's fine, he's
still good, he's still good. - You wanna share a little of that? - No. - Cool. Real nice, Leeland. Really, real, real fuckin' nice. No wonder he said what he did about you. (laughing) - You guys leave from there, you see that, you guys exit the door,
Hobbert and Frod are out there. Privo's talking to Olag, you see that Hobbert and Frod's like, all is well with the Lord of Shadows, hey? - Absolutely. - Yeah. - Yeah, um, actually, Olag. Lord had a mission for you, specifically. - A very special mission. - He asked me? - [Ify] Yes. - To die for him? - Actually, kinda. Yeah he said, uh, head out,
find the forces of light, and challenge them to a one on one duel. And he said if you win that duel, you get to come into all the meetings. (screaming) - You see that he springs through a window from 800 feet up on The
Bloodkeep, he goes (screaming). - Oh, oh my god. (laughing) (crashing) No! - And then hear him, ugh, get up, and then just start running by himself across the vast action plains. - All of us, our heads
are poked out the window. - There goes the dumbest orc in the world. (laughing) - He has such enthusiasm. - Bloody loyalty. - You see Hobbert looks up, you see Hobbert peeks his head in and sees that the throne is empty, and he's like, has the Lord
of Shadows gone for a snack? - [All] Yes! - You know him so well! - And we are also going-- - As a matter of fact, he said,
you should guard this throne and make sure no one comes in. - Okay, that is what we
do almost all the time. - Oh, okay, well I'm just being redundant. - He says, okay. You see there's a huge wrought iron plaque that says something in like
the midnight tongue like, (murmuring in tongues)
which is snack and nap, and puts it on the door. Very well, not to be disturbed. And you guys have free reign
to head to the library. - Well, let's-- - Right, party smiles. - Yes. And everybody be very patient
with Keldi, she's very... It takes a bit when you're
talking to her, but-- - Well it's because it's
the Library of Madness. The library made her go
crazy, that's why me-- - Well, sure. - As a human, does not wanna go in there. - Yes, it's a fine excuse isn't it? - I'll be fine, okay. - Aren't we all already crazy
right now, in this moment? - Can I do a, either an
investigate or arcana check to see sort of like, if I'm
noticing any effects from, you had mentioned sort
like magic sort of like-- - Yes, go ahead and
give me an arcana check. - Cool, ah, great. (dice thudding) That is 19. - Um, yes. You already can see there are many vermin that live in this place
that were drawn here by, like roaches and centipedes
and weird gross things, and you see that all of
them are beginning to flee, they're like (skittering) the
bugs know something you don't. - Rats on a ship. - [Brennan] Yeah, exactly. - Can you talk to bugs? - I can talk to bugs, actually. (laughing) - Ask them from which they flee! - Bugs, what's up! - Oh you know, we're
gettin' outta here, man. You fuckin' know we're
gettin' outta here, man. - What's going on man? - Oh, what's going on,
I don't know, is this, have you seen the
architecture of this keep? Have you seen it? It can't stand up. - Yeah, I guess it does
break the laws of physics, now that you're-- - Yeah and that works
when there's magic here and all the bugs, we all feel that magic, that magic is gone. The support beams in this
place are on their way out, my man, so, hey you know what, I would talk more but we gotta go. (skittering) - Can I do some kinda check to get a sense if I have some kind of like time of like if this is like an imminent thing-- - Sure, yeah, give me
just a intelligence check. - Sure. (dice thudding) Oh, that's not good. Four. - You don't feel the ground shaking. - Alright, I guess we're pretty good guys. - What is the, do you relay the this-- - Yeah, yeah, I relay all the, as I'm talking to the bug, I'm like-- - I speak insect, as well. - Oh, I didn't even, I'm an idiot, I'm so fucking stressed,
you have spider kids, I didn't even think to ask you. - That's alright, they can
take care of themselves, and I reach through the webs, 'cause I can, you know, if we're all connected through webs, and they know what's up right? - You see that Jason is there, he's just like spinning
a little goblin in a web, he's like mom what's up? - Um, well, Jason, no
real rush or anything but, you and your brothers and sisters, all ten thousand-ish of
you, might want to go stay with your relatives in the forest, maybe. - Everyone get ready, get your shit, we gotta go to the forest, mom said! Alright mom. - Yes, thank you, that's a good boy. - Okay, uh-- - Make sure to pack a snack with you. - Okay. (snarling sounds) (screaming) And takes this orc and skitters off. You guys arrive at the Library of Madness, before you you see tall
shelves of ancient grimoires of dark lore and necromancy. And you hear a noise in
the back of, (screaming). - Okay, I find her, I grab her up, and I stick my staff to her
throat, I say, give us the book! (screaming) - Okay, very well. You see that she reaches out and mage hands this book to her, hands the book to you guys, which is basically a book
of crown lore and goes, please take me with you. - Absolutely not, you're
not coming anywhere near us, but good luck getting out on your own, I actually don't wish your demise. (laughing) - And you see that she
goes, (paranoid gasping). And you guys see that off
in the distance, you hear. (pages fluttering) And you see a little flock of
books flaps up on its pages, and looks down, these
are just, again, books. They look down at Keldriel and she says, it has come, the hour of my death. And she runs off into
the library and books, (screeching) and the books fly after her. Um, cool. You guys have this book of crown lore. - So, open it please. (all egging her to open the book) - Alright, alright, alright. - Is it like the spark
notes, like, pages in there? - Yeah you guys just zoom through it. Go ahead, anyone who's looking at the book can give me an arcana check. - Hm. - Um. - Are we all just like huddled around. - Yeah, you're like huddled over it and you guys hear in the
back like, (pages fluttering) (screaming) No, they're so sharp! The pages! - A dirty 20 for me. - Oh, 17, 24. - [Brennan] 24, hell yeah. - I take this number and I add it to? - Arcana, your arcana. - Okay, two. - [Brennan] Oh, two? (laughing) - I have an eight. - Yeah, you're looking at this
thing literally being like, - What the, the hell? (laughing) - 16. - 16, cool. You're zooming through it
as the oracle, the seer. - Quit turning the pages so fast! Quit turning the pages so fast! (screaming) (laughing) - And you see-- - Did she get wetter? (laughing) - Ew. - Ha, drip, drip, drip, drip drip. You see a vision of young Zaul'Nazh again. Not at the fountain of blood
where you saw him before, but you see him at The Scary Volcano. Ro-ro-ro-ro-ror-kin-drath. And you see him forging the original circles of eternal chains and forging the last crown, and what you see is there
is a passageway from within The Bloodkeep to The Scary Volcano. You see, in the final words of the book, it talks about the object of
magic that served as the basis for his enchantment of the
last crown and it said, within the forge of The Scary Volcano lies the artifact gifted to
Zaul'Nazh by Gogmawth himself that allowed him to first forge the crown and holds that power still. - Do I find anything else about the fountain of blood, is that? - Nothing in this book. - [Amy] No, okay. - Nothing in this book. (gasping) - Well, fuck this book, I had a vision. (laughing) The book might have triggered it, but the vision seems more important, there is an artifact within the ro-ro-ro-ro-kar-kar-kar that-- - The big scary mountain. - The big scary mountain,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Time is of the essence. Scary mountain. There's an artifact there gifted
by your father to Zaul'Nazh that can craft the actual
stones, or circlets, and crown, and including the last one,
so I feel like if we go there, which there is a passage
from The Bloodkeep, into the scary mountain. If we go there we might
be able to re-craft it? - What is this artifact you talk about, what are we looking for, is it a-- - Do I know? - You actually don't. You can imagine that
Zaul'Nazh was extremely cagey about crown lore, such that
he never told his Vinguri what would happen if the
crown, say if it got destroyed, speaking of which, as the
book is tossed to you, Leeland, you grab it and look at it. You see the page that explains what the threat always was. The crown would destroy
him if it was destroyed and it can only be destroyed in one place and that is The Scary Volcano which means if he was destroyed, someone or something got the crown there, and it got it there no
less than 30 minutes ago. - Alright. This could only have
been done on eagle back. - What? What could only have
been done on eagle back? - What are you talking about? - You think so much in your head and then you don't explain it out loud! (all yelling) - We have been flying over
the landscape looking down, when we should have been looking up. And that-- - You are speaking-- - Is also on me. - What, this? - What are you talking
about, we don't know-- - Use a single sentence that
doesn't have the word, me. - [Amy] Or pronoun. - Or I. - Look, the crown. The crown contains the
essence of the Dark Lord. It was forged in The Scary Volcano. - Yes. - It can also be unmade
only in the volcano. - Wait it says that in there? - Yes. Because everything's found in a vision! - It would have been nice to know. - Oh, I agree! - You think he would've
mentioned that, right? Like, we're building lots of armies-- - He's not-- - It seems pretty important. - It was personal to him. - Did you know about this? - No! But, I, you know you can't know everything about your partner. Do you know everything about J'er'em'ih? (glottal shrieking) - You see the J'er'em'ih
looks into a mirror and you see that the reflection of him walks out of the mirror and becomes a sort of
translucent slime version of him, falls on the ground, starts to steam, and he starts to lap
it up with his tongue. - See did you know that? - I mean, I know a lot about J'er'em'ih. - Did you know he could do that? - I mean, scientists aren't sure everything that the scream beasts-- - Okay, the eagles is a ridiculous idea. - I'm just saying maybe
it, well it doesn't matter, none of us knew. Or even if we did, even if he murmured it
in the dreams of sleep, you still would've discounted it, right? - Yeah, I would say everyone's free, because he obviously shoulda had people guarding that volcano. Like as you know, normally you-- - Yeah why were guarding
the Blood Mouth Gate? - I coulda had my ship there! - Is there, you, so there's someone in the volcano right now who did this? - They would have to be if this happened relatively recently. - Do we know where that passageway is? - We can-- - Yes, I do. - What? - Well, let's-- - Yes, I, I know that. I still wanna go back to
the logic of Zaul'Nazh. No, no, no. He has a circlet that can be destroyed and if it is destroyed it destroys me, toss it out into the world, willy nilly, maybe give it to, I don't
know, a man, or something, and then be like, who? Oh I lost it? What the fuck? (laughing) - Alright, where's the passageway? (laughing) - But like, we all agree, right? - Well it's ridiculous, I mean. - Alright, it's-- - Like you've never made
a mistake in your day. - Okay. It sounds like you guys are
gonna be here for a while. Can I, I feel like I want to, I'm getting like more and
more impatient as I'm like, listening to things,
but I just wanna like, I wanna get the worgs and stuff out of. Anything that's in a cage,
I wanna like open the cage. - Cool. You're opening cages, you
guys are all rushing off, as you guys are heading
towards the passageway, you see that your spiders
start to head out. Some of them climb up onto your back. You see that Jason says, alright
mom, we're gonna head out. What's the deal, someone
said something about a crown? - Uh... Yes? - I love them. I love them so much, we should tell them. - Look, the Dark Lord has fallen. Anarchy reigns supreme here
and The Bloodkeep will crumble, but mommy's going to go
take care of it now, right? - Okay mom. - So just, you all take care
of each other, stick together. Remember, nothing is more
important than family. - Okay. Where are you, you're
going to The Scary Volcano? - Yes, so I'm gonna need to take a good lot of you along with me to-- - Sure, sure, yeah yeah yeah. - Just in case we run into some trouble. - If that was important why
wasn't anyone guarding it? - Thank you! (all yelling) - The things you think
a partner would tell you but if they're your partner
for life I guess, fuck you, so. - You guys rush down the passageway. (heavy breathing) You arrive (powerful exhale)
after a long rush towards it, in this massive caldera. (fire crackling) Looking out of the gate, you look in. One passageway leads up to clean air, you go down another way and emerge on this promontory of looking out into this caldera and see a forge down at
the base of the caldera with a massive anvil covered in runes. You see resting against it, wheezing, are two little halflings, covered in soot, holding each other with
partially burned clothes, who look up at all of
you entering this place. - Oh, I'm sorry, we-- - I rush 'em, you pieces of shit! You been gettin' in my pockets! You about to make wrestle
some fucking money. I'm about to bust your
head right open, right now. - You see they both start going, and you see that there's
two halfling women here, and one of them has sort of
dark hair and looks very weak. This is the halfling you
stabbed in the ruins. You see that the other halfling,
with sort of blonde hair, goes like, right sir, but I
didn't mean any harm by it! - No, you caused harm! - Right, well listen, don't you be hurtin' my
mistress Longfoot here! (deathly wheezing) - Recognizing the halfling,
the hair begins to stand up, the eyes glow-- - You guys hear from the
promontory that you've left, boom! And Casara the Beige appears,
flanked by Telmyr the Calm and a host of elves, and says, oh, I see we arrived
just in the nick of time. Roll initiative. (laughing) (dice clacking) And that's gonna be all for this week on Escape From the Bloodkeep. Tune in next time for a little
fight in The Scary Volcano. (laughing and applause) Down in the forge in
ro-ro-ro-ro-ror-kin-drath, The Scary Volcano. - It's like it's a mountain of doom. - [Brennan] The anvil
looks really fucking heavy. - Maybe we could lift
it out of the caldera. - This is going to be the most damage dice I've ever rolled maybe playing D&D. - Creatures of darkness, I have,
come to me, come to my aid! - Buddy this monster's extremely bad! And then out of fucking nowhere! (screaming) - This is for my baby!
Matt Mercer and Ify? Hell yes!!!
I see Matthew Mercer, I click
You got my curiosity with the delightful thumbnail of Matt Mercer, now you have my attention with talk of Ify Nwadiwe
Ify did a D&D small campaign about a year ago where they all.played evil characters(kind of a riff on LoTR). Matt Mercer was also among the crew for added fun. Hope some people can sit and emjoy this to take their minds off the current events. Enjoy and remember, we can and will get past this. Love to everyone
Brennan Lee Mulligan is such an amazing DM too!
From the title I thought it was something bad.
Is Ify a permanent hire? I was under the impression that he was only going to be in a few videos? Im so down for more of him though. He had some good chemistry with everyone else.
Oh yeah, I should've posted this, truly a great thing that dimension 20.
For those of you who don’t know, Ify is part of a great Improv comedy group called “White Women”, the members of which often appear on Comedy Bang Bang and other podcasts! Check em out!