Weekend Update on Rudy Giuliani's Confessions - SNL

>> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> HI. HI, GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO WEEKEND UPDATE. I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> AND I'M COLIN JOST. WELL, THE CLOCK MIGHT BE RUNNING OUT ON TRUMP'S PRESIDENCY. SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. THEY'RE FINALLY PUTTING IN RUDY! BUT INSTEAD OF MAKING A GREAT PLAY, THIS RUDY IMMEDIATELY TACKLED HIS OWN QUARTERBACK. GIULIANI APPEARED ON FOX NEWS AND STRAIGHT-UP ADMITTED THAT TRUMP KNEW ABOUT THE STORMY DANIELS PAYMENT, WHICH WAS MAYBE THE BEST CONFESSION I'VE SEEN ON TV THAT DIDN'T END WITH "CREATED BY DICK WOLF." THIS STORMY DANIELS PAYMENT HAS TURNED OUT TO BE THE LOUDEST HUSH MONEY IN HISTORY. AND DURING HIS KINGS OF DEMENTIA COMEDY TOUR, GIULIANI ALSO SAID THAT THE HUSH MONEY WAS, QUOTE, FUNNELED THROUGH A LAW FIRM. DUDE, FUNNELED IS NOT TYPICALLY A WORD INNOCENT PEOPLE USE WHEN TALKING ABOUT MONEY. NO ONE SAYS, YEAH, MY GRANDMA FUNNELED ME $5 ON MY BIRTHDAY CARD. >> RUDY GIULIANI'S CLAIMING THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP ONLY LEARNED A WEEK AGO THAT HE WAS REIMBURSED AND MICHAEL COHEN'S PAYMENTS TO STORMY DANIELS IN $35,000 INSTALLMENTS. I HAVE A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS. LIKE, WHAT KIND OF BILLIONAIRE PAYS FOR STUFF IN INSTALLMENTS? YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. WHY ARE YOU PAYING FOR SEX LIKE IT'S A NORDICTRACK? AND HOW DID Y'ALL LAND ON $130,000? THAT'S SUCH AN ODDLY SPECIFIC NUMBER. I ASKED STORMY TO COME ON "UPDATE" AND EXPLAIN IT, BUT HER AGENT SAID NO, BECAUSE IF SHE'S SEEN ON CAMERA WITH A BLACK GUY, HER PRICE GOES DOWN. >> MICHAEL AVENATTI, THE LAWYER FOR STORMY DANIELS, SAID THAT HE WAS SPEECHLESS AFTER GIULIANI SAID THAT TRUMP REIMBURSED MICHAEL COHEN. IN FACT, AVENATTI WAS SO SPEECHLESS THAT NIGHT, HE ONLY APPEARED ON 20 SHOWS ON SIX DIFFERENT NETWORKS. >> "THE NEW YORK TIMES" HAS PUBLISHED A LIST OF 49 QUESTIONS THAT ROBERT MUELLER REPORTEDLY WANTS TO ASK PRESIDENT TRUMP. THE FIRST ONE IS, COLLUDER SAYS WHAT? TRUMP IS CALLING THIS PROBE A TRAP, BUT QUESTIONS ARE ONLY A TRAP IF YOU'RE LYING. IF YOU WERE TO ASK YOUR HUSBAND, WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT? AND HE SAID, BITCH, YOU TRYING TO TRAP ME?! HE'S PROBABLY LYING. >> BUT LET'S BE CLEAR, TRUMP AND HIS LEGAL TEAM ARE CLEARLY THE ONES WHO LEAKED THESE QUESTIONS. AND I FIGURED OUT WHY. TRUMP'S BEEN SO DESPERATE TO FIND A DECENT LAWYER THAT AT THIS POINT HE'S JUST CROWD SOURCING HIS LEGAL STRATEGY. HE'S JUST THROWING THE MUELLER QUESTIONS OUT THERE LIKE, HOW DO YOU GUYS THINK I SHOULD RESPOND. IT'S BASICALLY THE SAME STRATEGY LAY'S USED TO PICK A NEW POTATO CHIP FLAVOR. WHICH COULD BE A SMART APPROACH FOR TRUMP, OR HE COULD END UP LIKE LAY'S WITH BISCUITS AND GRAVY. >> AND IF I MAY ASK THE FBI DIRECTLY, WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG? LOOK AT TRUMP'S TEAM. YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM? THEY LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A COMMERCIAL THAT GOES, HAVE YOU BEEN HURT IN A TRIPLE FALL? EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH EVIDENCE, JUST FRAME THEM. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT? ARE THERE DIFFERENT FBIS FOR WHITE PEOPLE THAN BLACK PEOPLE? BECAUSE IF THE FBI WAS THIS INCOMPETENT AGAINST US, A MARTIN LUTHER KING WOULD HAVE DIED A LOT LATER, PEACEFULLY IN HIS BED, ON TOP OF HIS MISTRESS. >> THIS WEEK, PRESIDENT TRUMP'S FORMER DOCTOR, WHO, BY THE WAY, I LOVED ON "TWIN PEAKS," SAID THAT THE 2015 LETTER WHICH DESCRIBED TRUMP AS THE HEALTHIEST INDIVIDUAL EVER ELECTED PRESIDENT WAS DICTATED BY TRUMP HIMSELF. WHICH ALSO EXPLAINS WHY TRUMP'S BLOOD PRESSURE WAS LISTED AS HATERS OVER LOSERS. WHITE HOUSE LAWYER TY COBB HAS ANNOUNCED THAT HE'LL BE STEPPING DOWN AT THE END OF MAY. COBB WILL RETURN TO HIS OWN JOB OF CHALLENGING YOU TO A HOT AIR BALLOON RACE AROUND THE WORLD.

Channel: Saturday Night Live

Views: 3,100,885

Keywords: SNL, Saturday Night Live, SNL Season 43, SNL Episode 1744, Donald Glover, Weekend Update, Colin Jost, Michael Che, Michael Cohen, Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Stormy Daniels, s43, s43e19, episode 19, live, new york, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation, actor, improv, musician, Childish Gambino, Atlanta, Solo, Star Wars, solo a star wars story, Lando Calrissian, community, redbone

Id: t_xIZJ0dmTc

Length: 4min 20sec (260 seconds)

Published: Sun May 06 2018