We Got Roasted By Jo Koy - IMPAULSIVE EP. 228

here's the thing how old are you you're very young 50. no no 35. i didn't say how old do you look i said how old are you i will i'm 50. and i don't look at it you look like what i'm supposed to look like we got nominated for streamy again two years in a row ladies and gentlemen oh wow that's the first time i've ever been nominated for anything yet even though it probably wasn't me congratulations yeah uh uh collectively we got nominated for three maverick team maverick maverick media uh impulsive podcast of the year got nominated i got nominated for first person what does that mean yeah i thought it meant that the person holds the camera but you don't do that i don't do that i don't i don't know would you prefer that they reclassify your nomination or take her nomination away completely indifferent completely and different the one i care about even probably more than the show hate hayden hayden got nominated for editing well deserved i'm so i'm so happy for him that one that one i'll put my foot down real hard and say he he he really deserves to win that he editors in general on youtube aren't recognized enough i think and and they do a lot of work it's a hard job and hayden specifically man he's put me through the ringer i've put him through the ringer like whether it was the daily vlogging the music videos with the 24-hour turnaround time the documentaries three four of them at this point um the man is so versatile like the other editors in his in the category are very good oh my god versatility versatility is second to none like like the fact that he can go from yo a long form documentary to a short form little fluff four minute 20 second vlog to a music video um to to like a comedy sketch like the man does it all the man does it all at the highest level on the internet and it's fantastic so like i'm i'm putting my eggs in that basket i want him to win obviously i want to win two impulsive it'll be cool if we won pockets of the year twice in a row does it go to so the funny thing i noticed immediately was that it was pretty sure the same exact nominees last year it was close uh oh the only one that's missing is tiny meat gang they really i'm gonna be honest with you actually i'll put my foot down and say we should probably win that part 1 000. yeah you guys have me now if you didn't it would literally be my fault so we're just like we're really on it two podcasts a week guest-based uh viewership through the roof versus listenership reversal six nine sud guru dave portnoy like all in the past couple months like dude who else is the question is simply but who else is doing it like for some reason they don't put rogan on there which is always that doesn't make sense because he'd kick our ass absolutely i'm actually happy he's not in this yeah for sure yeah yeah but i almost feel like they got it they gotta hand it to them what if he's just so big that you're like no let's just give people a chance well well this year it makes sense because he he's spotify exclusive now or or on the way to that and so it makes sense this year but last year does it matter though no it doesn't but it it feels like they're only nominating people that have a youtube presence is that the case i think that's the point of the streamies is like web-based which is cool it's cool it's multiple huge numbers easy web-based the biggest but also i think they're a little more apt to nominate people who will show up to the awards show i could bet all my bottom dollars joe rogan is not showing up to the streaming awards do you want to know i don't know why i noticed what you're saying is exactly true do they have any uk or international there's one international category right well they have them in different countries they have them in different countries you can also send in a video i'm talking about like mainstream celebrity type uh the streamies are interesting dude like did you see did you see the nominees for creator of the year i didn't see any of them like i don't want to [ __ ] on anyone so obviously i'm even like i'm just gonna like watch what i say here but if mr beast does not win creator of the year yo i i'm hurling my lifeless body off a balcony i'm just gonna say that that dude is on it no one has made no one ever has made youtube internet uh real life impact more than mr beast yeah his his business his content um his philanthropy he like this kid's making a dent in the universe but i also want to talk about who he's up against like quickly like david dobrik and his youtube no offense david dobrik is potentially the best creator in the world but i don't know if anybody noticed he doesn't create content anymore especially on youtube so why the [ __ ] is he nominated against mr beast it's kind of like when you do a movie and you release it in january but like all the way in december that's my question is this is this for 29 no yeah all it has to be i don't know when the cutoff was because also i'll give a little push back here uh for the nominees for the best live stream my pokemon live stream wasn't on it that affected me i was a little harder i thought it was a great life it's probably gonna be next year i don't think it's best live stream event is it i think it's best live streamer no no no no no there was like a lot there was like a live stream event um live special right there live special see mr beast 250 000 rock paper scissors but no logan paul loves pokemanes pokemons but uh yeah yeah yeah so that'll be interesting let's see how this one plays out we wish uh best of luck to all the creators and nominees nominated for the streamy award let's hope we win again we got a great guest today ladies and gentlemen you got this guest good for you georgie i'm excited about this game yeah yeah yeah you immediately my favorite one really even though it has not happened i've watched his stuff over and over to watch how he moves how he acts how he delivers i'm gonna steal everything that he does and then make so much money off of it so thank you for that joe fantastic this filipino american is one of the biggest comedians in the world selling out stadium after stadium from number one on the billboard charts for stand-up comedy to jimmy fallon's tonight's show the late late show with james corden jimmy kimmel live and just about every other mainstream media outlet ladies and gentlemen it's joe court yes yes here we go here we go georgie loves i know man he loves you and he gave me uh the headphones yeah yeah of course sacrifice his headphones you know for years yep that's that's love it is when he says [ __ ] it give it to the guest i'll go rogue you're a lover too i'm a lover you came in and hugged everyone i tried to shake your hand you know i was doing that you know i've done that my whole career one i'm just i'm creepy okay so like when i like i'll leave uh a public bathroom and not wash the hand yeah and and i know that there's others that do that as well mike i know you okay especially okay and like i know first off i know i'm creepy i don't want to engage in creepy behavior first of all how dare you call me out the second am i lying second of all you're a hundred percent okay so no no no no no no it's not a [ __ ] lie it's just what we do no it's [ __ ] when you hug me you brush the back of my head like this and that's fine because that's a towel that's a towel that's where piss goes on a towel but to give me your piss and i just met you yeah yeah man go [ __ ] yourself can we talk about this for a second yes by the way you're very funny thank you yeah yeah yeah yeah nothing compared to how funny you are i know but at least you said i'm somewhat full no you know you're very funny okay can we can we focus on the pitch thing well stefan for one second yes in the age of kovid yes now i ne i was never big on washing the hands after yeah but in the age of kovid if you unzip your pants yes you barely kind of touch your your penis right you pee in a stall and then you walk away do you think it's more sanitary to then touch the handle on the toilet flush it i'd never go go in there go and then turn the hot water faucet on stick your hand and push the soap thingy in that 43 back of the knuckles back of the knuckles when i shake your hand and i'm like on the back i'll use my feet to get out of the way i see you do that i do too and and mike i'm sorry to interrupt you because it was very poignant what you were saying but my son is proof that i've taught my son to flush the toilet with his foot because when he went to preschool and they teach the kids how to pee and publicly they there's video of my son putting his foot on the on the on the fly i got video evidence and the teacher got mad and i'm like don't get mad at him no it's not that's how you [ __ ] flush a toilet yeah especially little kids they got [ __ ] on their fingertips not pee kids in the preschool have human [ __ ] on their fingers don't give a [ __ ] they don't give a [ __ ] why do you think pink guy only exists pre-k to like to sixth grade we had a whole outbreak here in the house about a year ago that was during a different time pre-girlfriends it was a very messy face yeah it was a year and a half ago what i'm saying is she doesn't need to hear what was happening before i know how i got it i know how i got it how did you get it my dog goes on my pillow bro and wipes his butthole on my pillow okay you know what and i like you logan but you can't keep blaming [ __ ] on the dog like the dog the maverick rest in peace you know what i'm saying but you can't keep blaming it on the [ __ ] dog maybe it was your [ __ ] fault um the pink guy outbreak maybe not the dog maybe with someone else's [ __ ] on your pillow have you ever thought of that i have and it does concern me it's a valid point but it just makes no sense he's the only one that makes complete sense whose ass is on my pillow how about you tell us i have no ass on my pillow well that's a shame well come on man i mean i know she's here but baby i got no ass in my pillow you gotta believe no no not now no more ass no even back then no aspect pillows come out with a pun book mike no kids don't give a [ __ ] kids i see i see kids in airports yes crawling around on the floor right it's bad and and i'm i'm not a germaphobe i know you are but these kids will be crawling around on the floor and then like licking their hands oh yeah right mm-hmm and yeah in the age of cover though you're still just hugging no no hands watching around it's just uh i'm probably gonna get a lot of heat for this oh but am i speak up yeah for sure then let's just edit this we'll take it out completely no i i just i don't know man i uh no i mean it's tricky because it is tricky i i have been tested you know i just shot another show for netflix and literally it's covet test every three days so and i just wrapped so uh the only one i'm really scared about in here is mike and that's about it it makes sense but but other than that i'm pretty sure you don't have covet no not his hair he did yeah his hair is always nice i did have it though yeah yeah but honestly when you say that before i went in well you grabbed me and licked my ear and that's that's impossible to do i was sitting down inside the car to physically grab me into this you leaned in like a fast food worker you got your ass you got your ass beat as you're nice car yo he yo he he came in here he goes yo we got a bit of a problem he's driving a nice car i was like okay and he goes well he's not gonna park on the street can we open the gate for him and he made us open the gate for you oh departing your car i love you man yeah he really likes the response oh that's i love you no like yeah yeah why did you read that you didn't you reach out to him no no i didn't no i reached out to him yeah and hey man but you were successful are you [ __ ] kidding me logan that doesn't mean you can't what the [ __ ] we're in the garage of your house and you're calling it a studio if you don't say that no no no i swear to god the the angles this is the universal line what are you talking about right now where is your security you're acting like there's armed guards logan it's a [ __ ] button bro there's a button that's attached to your [ __ ] visor and guess what hey man can i get the keys here the button doesn't work it doesn't work you have to manually open there there's people in their boxer shorts running the cameras i've never seen anybody stop logan yo he's [ __ ] on both of you guys i'm gonna get pink guy again dude georgie it's coming for you yeah that was a good time that was a good point you brought it back that was surprising yeah you brought that back but uh there's nothing wrong with acknowledging up-and-coming uh young creators with potential but i mean i was mistaken so why did you respond though because you're right you are successful oh no you know the time of day i'm doing this right now uh as fun but you guys are very talented right the minute i came in here mike i said you were very funny george i think you're playing you you're you know you were talking about uh you know the the award that extremely yeah i'm sorry but uh no because i don't know that world i'm old you know what i mean like when you were talking about kids walking around the airport touching [ __ ] i'm like hey i'm a dad i know it i know what you're talking about but like i don't understand your world but i know you've crushed it and i respect that like what you guys have done is uh amazing i was thinking about this the other day it's like um that's where we're at now you guys are you were ahead of the pact and and not only are you guys ahead but you you understood the business which is crazy because now you see these other cats that are these kids that are coming up and i don't think they understand the business they're they're running with something that you guys laid down like a batch and and you know amanda and yourself and and you guys laid it down so hard and you were responsible with that you're responsible i want to make sure i'm saying that clearly you were very responsible with that and i don't think they understand that you know there's a lot of uh kids out there that go oh yeah logan just grabs a camera and it's [ __ ] hit no if you turn these cameras around and see the responsibility that these guys have then it's it's it's more than that it's a business bro you know and you guys are [ __ ] good i appreciate this all the time and i i learn you know i'm i'm 50 but i learn i watch and i learn and and that's that's that's the one thing a lot of people fail to do in hollywood is respect the come up like you can hate anybody you want but respect what they did respect and and uh people are so quick to hate you know what i mean instead of just [ __ ] learning like yo [ __ ] logan he got all that [ __ ] like he got a studio he got all them but yeah he got it but where was he what 10 years ago i don't know what it was but where were you before that and then resp and then respect what it took to get here don't go here and just start hating on it i respect that [ __ ] hustle and grind i appreciate that on behalf of on behalf of all the like new age media kids like we we really appreciate that and and also vice versa uh i know he like he studies you i i try but i'm not a stand-up comedian like both these guys have the potential yeah you're a boxer sort of i'm not that was jesus christ you guys come on stop it what the [ __ ] logan you know the difference between a a compliment and a by the way i bought by the way i bought your last pay-per-view fight all right so shut the [ __ ] up joe you're still watching the fights no no i i yeah i watch it it's entertaining you are [ __ ] you are you no you look good you [ __ ] look good you're lying now no i'm not i will put money on the next fight who are you fighting you're not listening hold on i'm far ahead of you guys i'm three steps ahead that was the joke he said i was setting you up i was wanting him to say who and there you go i'm not gonna fall but you guys [ __ ] up you walked on the channel yeah i'm forget it's a chess move bro it's like improv he set us up for the but we're [ __ ] it's so tough it's a tough fight to talk it's i'm this is a dojo okay okay and and the master has one no no no seriously seriously no i'm joking but no but how have you gotten so good is it just experience i always ask comedians this are you naturally funny yeah okay well you are too not as not not i mean i'm like no no okay stop that you're you're baiting you you are good you know that i'm not you're waiting you're waiting i'm not i'm not baiting i i'm i'm i'm moderately moderately comedic i'm not i don't think people would go oh that kid's funny my content's funny does that make sense i can i mean you got to be funny dude i still remember i remember the the [ __ ] you did on uh oh no what was it called uh the line yeah vine when you used to do those i was like god damn this dude's good it would make me so mad because i'm like like you only had how many seconds was that nine six seconds and you had six and a half to come up with a like this this premise and also hit the joke hard and i'm just like i don't get it i was trying so hard i just boot myself off i was like i'm done because i'm old no no there's a difference i can conceptualize funny does this make sense i can like come up with a funny bit and like act it out and uh sometimes make a good joke but you all are like real life funny like he's a storyteller yeah so am i i'm a story right right but you're but you're [ __ ] funny dude like growing up no one none of my like parents friends would say i'm like funny yeah and that's why i don't really like your parents friends okay you shouldn't either don't buy them gifts you're rich now don't buy them gifts and if they say something go where the [ __ ] were you and i wanted people to say i was funny you know what i mean yeah yeah when they go hey logan like can my daughter no my daughter can't get an autograph no [ __ ] you where was i where were you when i was doing the splits being funny out front yeah and you you guys never said anything encouraging they weren't is your circle smaller now it's always been small yeah so is mine mine is really really small like uh less than ten it's less than ten good yeah okay and and yeah of course george um yeah right but nobody you get you get to that point right sure you just you you're it i hate to say it but trust is gone um no new friends yeah it's it's hard it's hard it's hard it's so hard because you you you'll pick up on on subtleties is that right where you can hear it under there there's there's this language and then you hear something underneath it and you're like and i don't know if that's me being a little too uh paranoid paranoid yeah yeah without smoking weed yeah but i i i'm like there's a lot of people i'm on dude it's hard for me to date it's hard for me to are you single yeah and it's it's hard it's just hard for me do you want me to stay crazy i don't know i i you know i'm in a really good place right now and it took me you know it took me 30 years i started in 89 so this it'll be 31 uh real soon and and you know my son is my priority so it's like there's there's this order you know there's my son my son's mom and then family you know and i'm not married to my son's mom but like i like that's that's just the responsibility like i want my son to be happy and the only way you can do that is make his mommy happy right yeah but you uh talking about his dick in front of millions of people he's probably yeah maybe it does go say that again but you talking about his dick in front of millions of people he's not he's probably not the happiest yeah george is drunk and i think i think okay so what do you want to be truthful on stage or do you want to or do you want to like because it's one thing to embellish on everything but it's you know that's what we do as comics but i also want to tell my truth right yeah so and when i when i tell my truth i like i don't want to hold back on my son but i also want to make sure that my son knows that i did it as well like that joke i wrote that joke when he was just becoming 12. so it was really sensitive and i noticed when i brought him to the clubs he wasn't laughing when i was doing it you know what i mean because he was innocent when he came out of the pool and said dad like don't you hate it when the pubic hair wraps around and i was like wait you got pubic hairs like i didn't know right that's how i learned about the whole he tickled his butt yeah tickle it tickles my butt and i'm like and as a dad i was like oh [ __ ] he's becoming a man but yeah and i was doing that on stage and he was not having it because that was a private conversation he still didn't know what dad did you you didn't tell him no wait no you're you so you're actively exploiting your life yes welcome to the club yeah that's all we do it's happening that's what we do and who doesn't though right but but i will say this i will say this on coming in hot is when i did that joke and uh well i did the other version of that joke and then uh i i wasn't gonna do it unless he said i was gonna do it and i didn't ask him like i literally was gonna go in and close with a different joke and uh and he walked up to me he goes dad are you gonna do that joke about and and you know you know what it is and then i go yes uh no i didn't say yes i go i don't know should i and then he goes dad is gonna crush and and then i was like oh yeah oh oh he gave me that joke and i hugged him and i was like thank you so much but i made sure to like write it in a way where i'm bashing myself yeah i like i go in on myself and there's no way for him to get mad at it because it's like well [ __ ] if my dad can hang himself like that yeah that self-deprecating humor yeah like it's like an armor yeah but initially mike's mike when i first did that joke it was all about him and like a good night right like [ __ ] my son good night you know what i mean and i felt bad you know like i didn't understand because i was just being funny but i didn't realize how it was kind of like not going in good with him do you get scared no of any of cancer culture of people coming after you have you have you edited your routines at all or commentary based on the current climate i think that i i've just been blessed with the decision that i made a long time ago but i was always a fan of storytelling so like you know if you ever look go way back and look at interviews i've always said you know i love dennis wolfberg i love you know old bill cosby stuff i love all you know eddie murphy you know when he talks the storytellers the ones that talk about you know their mom and dad and kid i've always i was always into that and that's always been my style so you know i thank god i haven't been a part of the the what is it the the topics the topical you know what i mean like i'm not i'm not looking at the news and going hey you see what happened today like i don't want to get in yeah because it's tougher it's tough for people to tell you that you can't talk about your about [ __ ] that's happened to you to me 100 yeah that's great and not only that man like i always say this i don't know if i told you george but like comedy is subjective you know what i mean like it's it's it's just like music you know there's rap there's country there's there's there's there's electro i don't know there's just whatever genre that and you can like each one right yeah but but you don't you don't have the responsibility to do each one you don't go hey man why is it a little baby doing country music he's a rapper [ __ ] that's why and you shouldn't ask me the same question why isn't joe doing political jokes because i tell stories are you are you my genre and that's my lane are you worried about uh what's been happening to comedy as a as a whole as opposed to what's happening to you are you worried about the direction you got to remember like when i was a kid it was you know look at it it's open and comedy was still kind of new too and um and yeah and the words weren't you know were used loosely we came up in a different generation by the way you know what i mean and uh so yeah it's just that's the times we live in so you got to respect the times we live in you know what i mean you have to you have to it's just that's why you don't there's something because you know how there's some people out there who want who's a couple there's a couple examples of people who won't be changed yeah in ohio right and um by the way the way he's doing that gangster right he's got a guy flies everyone in on private jets you know i mean he pays for everything and then you perform in a corn field you know what i mean and it's like crazy you know my night was uh tiffany haddish by the way me and tiffany go way back she used to watch my son at the laugh factory you know i mean when i would go on stage he would watch him upstairs because he was only like one and then and then we would switch and she'd go on stage so like we go way back and just you know us flying out there together and then going on say allie wong was there uh michelle wolf mulamer and then of course dave won three emmys that night so we're all watching the emmys in his holy [ __ ] yeah and his man cave and then i had a commercial on the emmys and then tiffany had a commercial and he was winning and and i remember david like man all these moms are in here like this is wow but but but what anyways what i was getting at is uh the guy is a prophet dude like what he talks about and and how he's not scared to say what's on his mind and which he's told me way back when i first started opening for him he was like don't ever be scared to say how you feel right like don't don't let someone change that if you that's how you feel and you think you can make it funny then say it right and um but what he's doing in in ohio it was crazy dude like i told him like yo they built they should build a statue of the statue of you because he's saving that town his dad is buried in that town by the way what's yellow springs ohio and it's literally like woodstock suburban bro you ever drive through a town and you go through it in two minutes ago who the [ __ ] lives there it's chappelle it's date it's part of dayton metropolitan what is it what's his setup is it uh big house i think he i don't know if i should say what he bought but yeah he's got a historical house and then and and it's very strong it's like a hundred and i don't know i think it was like 1846 i'll make up a number but it's right around there that's his house and uh yeah i'm like yo people used to sit on the porch and watch a war happen like that's the kind of portrait oh damn he's like oh [ __ ] we're winning and um and then you know he's got a man cave like this you know me and that's where we all watched uh that the last special that he did was that stones right no not not sticks 846 which was had a lot of things racial you know themed right was it was it post right after george floyd it's right now yeah he's right after that was that film that his house filmed at his house with social distancing going on the audience that was a by the way he does covet tests for everyone too ever it's there's a copic testing you want to know what i did logan you want to know what the [ __ ] i did george so i land and then we get covet tested right all the we got a bubble all the other all the performers are already tested so we're all good right uh and then i get on stage right and this is by the way this thing is so successful it's been going on for months it's been going on since i don't know april i don't know when it's been going on but it's been going on forever and then finally i get there right they got this working machine happening right safety for everybody and blah blah i go on stage and i go yo it's been seven months since i've been on stage man i'm just happy performing in front of someone like you sir and i go everyone covet tested and you know people were like raise their hands and [ __ ] and like go i just want to hug someone i haven't hugged someone in a long time sir can i hook it and i hugged them everyone in the green room was like what the [ __ ] is your boy doing man he broke our bubble and i had no idea i'm just performing and then i go backstage and i'm like i killed right i [ __ ] crush and i go backstage no one wants to talk to me like you broke the [ __ ] bubble and i'm like what are you talking about why the [ __ ] did you hug him i thought everyone was coveted no us [ __ ] was overtested not them we don't know that's why they're sitting apart i was like oh [ __ ] so they had to grab that guy they took him to the back they they tested him poor guy but you know how [ __ ] him how about me for like 10 minutes everyone's like staying away you're the one that did it i know but everyone like everyone like everyone's just like yo what the [ __ ] did you do dude i didn't know and then and then we for like 10 minutes i'm just sweating you know when you get sweat from the backyard yeah like i [ __ ] this one up no there's no noise i'm about to shoot i'm about to shoot down something that he's been working on for seven months and then uh and then finally he got the test back and it was negative good and i was like oh and i was just like i knew he didn't have it i knew he didn't have it was the table over to the right they had it for sure but not this guy no bro this i'm telling you this new normal sauce yeah it's so exciting like i was actually i was stunned by our hug it made me it made me feel uh it affected me oh really yeah in a good way because i'm i'm the handshake guy yeah that's the handshake what what that's gross sweaty stop shaking hands man well in the poop you're telling me you'll get right here with someone face to face i'd rather hug yeah embrace yes and not a handshake yes i'll watch it can i tell you why sure okay and don't take don't be offended by this okay that's that's a great i don't love that is a great start no don't get offended by this logan i'm just telling you why i i am okay when i say i get like a scab on my arm i'm gonna pick at it all day like this one yeah and then i'll shake someone's hand without even knowing okay that's gross yeah that is gross uh yeah but i also and i'm not calling you out but i'm just no no i get it but you get it no no and you're right-handed by the way and i could just see you kind of like because i do it right as you scratch your nuts that's the point of a handshake no that's no no no no no the grit of being a human and the trust that you have within the person you're shaking hands with he's like yo i'm i'm willing to do this with you i like regardless of whether or not you have a scab on your finger on your neck for a week it's still oh i see it and then you would pick that and then shake and shake his hands no that's a tricky spot that's where you're wrong mike i would hug and wipe it on his back nice yeah nice see that's just a shirt can i ask you a question logan it's your [ __ ] show how many vegans you dealing with uh how many what dealing with a lot of vegans i come across a lot of vegans okay so my ex-wife is a huge vegan now and it's like every time i try and eat meat i can't i can't give up bacon but i've given up steaks okay that's done good uh hamburgers still my crutch but i'll have it maybe once every two months uh chicken's done chicken's gross no chicken i try uh yesterday i got uh gumbo and i took all the chicken out i couldn't do it why but i ate the shitty sausage i don't know i'm just creeped out by meat right now it's just like when i look at a chicken i just i don't know i don't know what happened you've been in la too long you you you sharpen your sword in vegas right yeah you think they're giving up steak and chicken in vegas those those are you know i used to eat i used to eat uh 1.99 steaks pretty much every day at midnight go back stop stop don't do that i still drink dairy milk might i wash it down with chicken i don't give a [ __ ] listen to me listen to me listen to me mike i know i know you do just by looking at you but but listen i listen but listen you see i can tell you very much drinking [ __ ] now you got no hair yeah no koi didn't oh i'm just listening and i'm losing my eyes i'm losing my that's why i said no hair and i'm losing mine too but yeah but i'm keeping some of it because of the chicken joe i'm telling you you're [ __ ] up man it's hard though well here's the thing how old are you you're very young 50. no no 35. i didn't see how old do you look i said how old are you i will i'm 50. and i don't look at it you look like what i'm supposed to barely laugh i'll barely laugh at that joke because you know i look 26 still you [ __ ] i don't know i get id'd still yeah with the um okay i'll beat that bouncer who the [ __ ] is that in here give me 30. is that bouncer in here give me 30. no one has ever carted you even when you were 15 they're like you still let me in at 50. even at 15 if you went to a strip bar they're like yes sir come inside listen joe you do that we have you doing a bourbon for you you do heroin for 10 years and you look like this it's a blessing bro all right trust me i did i doing all right so much so much we're not getting into it talking very i'm very proud of you thank you let's talk about the chicken why i just i can't eat meat like i used to feel for the chicken no i just i it doesn't dude i'm 50. i'm 49 to be honest but chickens are clean meat it's different when you're 49. like you you can still do this [ __ ] splits i can't touch my ankles could you ever touch your ankles yes when i was your age it's different right now can you still see your ankles yeah dude when i get up there's a joke i do on stage i should have gave that a little bit more love i'm sorry say it again we'll act like this danny edit this mark this and we'll edit it go ahead say it and i'll act like can you still see your ankles i didn't get it yeah yeah even on the second time um what would they say um no um i say this joke but it's a you know i'm just going to say it because uh because we're talking about but i literally when i get up to go to the bathroom right now at night it sounds like i'm having sex like you don't do that you don't grunt and groan when you walk to the bathroom like this yeah when you walk to the bathroom you're verbally i i literally do that to the point where my son and my ex and all of everyone was like dude like stretch or something like why is everybody in the same room as you when you're getting i don't make noise when i you know i'm young and somewhat spry i'm getting older i'm breaking a little bit easier i noticed but uh you know what i do uh if i wake up in the middle of the night like 2 3 a.m to go pee yeah i'll try to stay asleep does this make sense yeah you know i'm saying 100 so i'll i'll open my eyes as little as possible and go the bathroom and turn the light on on the lowest setting of course yeah and um hope i make it in the toilet obviously because i can't see anything but i'm almost like pretending i'm sleepwalking that's the closest you'll get i'll i'll get to uh i'm having trouble at night yeah i'm pretty good thus far but you don't grunt and groan when you're walking yeah not tripping over things it's like suffering for you like when you walk suffering yeah i play basketball with my son i'm locked up the next day i'm gonna admit [ __ ] that i'm probably gonna get made fun of but i will not yeah in no circumstance stand up and pee in my own house what did you just say yeah i won't do it we talked about this it's too messy i'm too much of an ocd freak i got i know it's going to be you're really ocd like that and and logan's house i'll pee from far to see my range i'm sorry what did you just say what did you just say he says that he sits in peace yeah no i s right now what i just said yeah no not your house i try to test my room no no no no no no before that jordan oh you will pee in someone else's house because it's not your house i don't give a [ __ ] close my eyes at your house you sit down and pee yeah i can't always not even just at night uh if i'm if i'm like super in a rush then yeah like whip that [ __ ] out but like yeah it's a mess i don't like it why don't you just try to aim for the toilet i don't know if you want it it's a sprayer than you is there no no no there should be less space is there a is there like mike let me explain to you because i'm understanding you're not okay um when he pees it's kind of like when he uh when you grab the garden hose and put your thumb over the hole and i'm not trying to be creepy but are you are you circumcised or uh i am circumcised you are okay because that doesn't sound right usually because it like when the turtleneck is up then it's a spray the only time the spray usually happens if if it's just post [ __ ] like you know how right after you have sex splits into two splits into two yeah i've had that yeah sure it's kind of like uh yeah yeah only a smaller version no for me it's almost formulaic like every time i can pretty much count on i'll hit about three o'clock and nine yeah on the toilet yeah 100 yeah if there were two targets on the side of the toilet you would hit it i have a solve for that yeah after i come i usually just pee in the shower yeah yeah it's good it's guaranteed to go somewhere yeah yeah i had to show i had to show i had to show josie this the other day we're getting a little too close i think it's good no that's good it but it's it's getting weird uh after sex uh boys you still got you're still hard and for me you know i'm still i'm i'm i'm up right bro yeah i'm full full on elon musk uh 23 25 year olds yeah yeah yeah right and so and so i'm like sometimes i have to pee what my dick lays on my stomach afterwards mike what are you getting at [ __ ] you man mine's just as hard yeah mine's just as hard you can do a podcast you can just put a mic on the top of it when i'm done what are you talking about listen listen so so you know when you're you're sleeping i'm so done it goes to sleep mine's i'm done i'm talking about a little bit of vomiting a little bit of vomit dripping your drunk friend we can monetize it we can your dick is hard go on yeah no so uh you can't be in the toilet yeah they made their movie about this i think uh oh i see what you're saying whenever they lay down flat on the toilet superman zac efron was in it that's what it's called when you wake up with morning which is superman over the toilet no no he's talking about a movie yeah but regardless that process is difficult for men like you have to pee but you can't be in the toilet because unless you have some superior ability to arch and aim your urine which i've done before but listen yeah y'all don't know this who lives here you live here yeah all right i thought everyone did almost yeah we all sleep in the same place because there's 15 cars up front i opened no that's a construction question i opened a window yeah on the side and i kind of just like lean out no you did it i am you peed out the window yeah you're judging me for sitting down hold on a second it's not like that's why is that why is that wrong why is that wrong i'm peeing off my own window in my house at midnight what if maria the maid is outside it's on some far side of the house yeah it's fun it's inaccessible no one's going to get in that spot you're yeah josie joseph's bathroom this is rick this is rich people [ __ ] everybody that's not rich that has a bathroom small enough obviously when you're in this situation you put your hands on the back of the toilet your feet on the sink yes behind you and you superman over the toilet and you piss straight down like you're drilling for oil straight into the toilet when you get rich guys you piss out your win no everything changes i was having a full-blown conversation with jake in this beautiful house i think i counted and fact-checked me but i counted there's 862 bathrooms in there more than that more than that way more than 62. that's nice sitting there looking at me and he goes i have to piss which i didn't need to know but he [ __ ] walked out of his his patio stood on top of his thing and pissed off like just his balcony hey wait is this you or my brother your brother does it too pretty much me oh so it's a paul thing yes it's the polls that do this gp taught them this i can't be i it's the pulse comment below i feel like this might be a midwest thing like uh history yeah you have just deteriorated your entire region this is some people who piss out no no i'm talking about i'm talking about peeing off peeing um elevated places just just pee and pretty much [ __ ] we're gonna piece logan but they choose to go to the bathroom no bro my girlfriend's nature peed more than i have okay she's squatting it looked like she was [ __ ] at the haunted house that's how girls you want george that's how girls people lord jesus christ yeah that's how women pee you're not like that's the first time yeah well you should know that's how women pee she's like she was squatting like she's pooping i squat too he sits there i i'm not gonna let you live that down i think you told me this once no no i said it on the show i said that i sit at night when i pee sometimes because i'm in sleep because i'm in sleepy mode or because my knees hurt like like he said but squints his way into the bathroom i don't take the chance of pissing all over the wall or all over the painting or whatever my whole question is is when george goes out on a night of drinking and he has to go pee i don't know does he squat don't drink because that would be creepy if he hasn't craved around he's a christian he doesn't know we're out bro oh you don't drink well how about if you just drink a lot of water in your house no he drinks he's like hey he drinks he drinks his drink last month we had a little drinking oh three shots i'm like you're going to hell [ __ ] blasted were you really lightweight vomiting bro yeah you were vomiting my girl by the way my girlfriend was shampooing my head in the shop that's a good girl that's a nice that's a nice woman that's called a keeper it is by the way i pee out in public i just need to correct this i i whip the dick out and stand up and okay oh that's right you don't give a [ __ ] because it's not your play okay that's true imagine if we were out somewhere with george and you saw him go to pee and he's squatting behind the nightclub or something [ __ ] funny what's crazy is i just set that up earlier thanks for that thanks for the layup no reaction no [ __ ] reaction i said this exactly if you want to rewind the [ __ ] thing mike is trying to sell it like he just wrote that [ __ ] he's like you know me crazy it just came to me it just [ __ ] came to me imagine a night of drinking hold on here it comes he has to pee and he [ __ ] squats am i right you know what they say steal like an artist jokoy we're all just blocking out here wait hold on we've got to switch to topic we've talked about [ __ ] or pissing this entire what are we doing you know polygamy is illegal in the united states do you know polygamy is illegal in the united states like having more than one wife yeah oh yeah or her husband i would probably are there a certain zoned area where i think like utah i think they made a semi but um because of religious reason that's why isn't there no but aren't there like small towns where people like are like don't really give a [ __ ] about those people unless those people marry their sisters yeah not that not two says not to it no no i there are certain towns like i bet you if you go somewhere deep in like illinois oh you're in trouble right and you'll find like a community yeah where they still think that if you go past that tree there's devils like you know i mean like you let me but it yeah twist there is yeah yeah yeah yeah don't go past the douglas fern oh jesus covet no but uh it is no it's illegal and it's weird it affected me because i it's like i still i still think the united states is in this place where like this the the state the nation wants to be so controlling over individuals and it's fascinating to me i always am curious uh about this with comedians yeah uh because your persona is the funny guy always making jokes is it hard for you to get serious when you need to or or like when you get a serious conversation with your partner will you make no comedic relief i think i i think that would be the end-all for me if if the person i'm with doesn't know when i'm uh being funny it's hard sometimes i don't know man it's not hard for me i know i know when you're being serious i know when you're being funny but your voice joe your voice is like even your voice has got like a comedic twang to it mm-hmm so like you know i can't tell when you're saying something serious even though i think i want to believe it mm-hmm well you just met him bro yeah you just made me figure it out it's not like i don't have a good read on people i'm i'm sitting here listening you know i just i can't tell when i'm gonna get [ __ ] denny's grand slammed or he's gonna say something serious yeah or both at the same time yeah yeah he keeps you guessing yeah and that's is that part of the reason it's maybe hard to date or is he just having trouble finding no i don't mind that i don't mind that that's yeah but that is one thing when they when they don't get it that that's so [ __ ] annoying and i also feel like it's also uh uh what does it call when they uh when they're starting not sarcastic but uh god damn i don't even know the word right now but yeah [ __ ] words but it's just like i hate it when they it's just you sound like they don't explain what you're saying yeah i hate it when you're given a point and you're being serious and they're like okay condescending condescending master master that's so good he will make you feel like you're an inch tall you're telling him something he's like oh yeah i am really quiet all right joe josie you know what i'm [ __ ] talking about he's the master but but here's here's a question are you are you would you say that one of the one of the bigger reasons you're not dating is because simply put you don't [ __ ] want to like like like because here's the thing it's a lot of responsibility you probably do do you enjoy doing things your way all the time you enjoy having your freedom do you enjoy having your space yes do you have do you enjoy not having someone to [ __ ] answer you so it's like and and i i i'm in that place now where it's like i can get up and go go crazy right like go yeah like not just get in the car like here we go france i can be like hey let's all fly somewhere and i don't want anyone to [ __ ] that up for me i die and i'm just and that's just me being selfish i think like i deserved i i deserve to give my son that kind of a life you know me because i i missed a lot of my son's birthdays when i was working three jobs and and and taking shitty gigs on the road or even doing weeks uh two three weeks at a time and not spending birthdays or christmases with my son i'm in a position where i get to pay that back now and and i don't want anyone to [ __ ] that up not even drugs drugs are a different thing he's like that i will do that no i don't do drugs you smoke no i can't do that i i used to but i i stopped doing does it [ __ ] with you you want me to tell you the real story of course okay you sure yes all right so um i have okay i'll get uh all right so my brother is you know he he has mental problems right and uh and i'm just i'll be in and out of this real quick uh and we've we've been dealing this for a long time you know what i mean he's in and out of hospitals and stuff like that oh god we're getting deep are you sure you want this for yourself this is what they like okay so um you know and uh you know i remember my brother very vividly when he was uh when he was a a teenager he was rolling up right he was rolling and he was putting in a shoe box and the one thing he said to me i was a little kid and he goes don't tell mom and dad and he put it in a he put it in his closet right in his shoe box so i always remember that like you always remember like [ __ ] like that right and and by the way there's some other things that my my brother did that that's very traumatic that you know i still talk about you know what i mean uh with people anyways uh may you brought it here bro okay so uh i was getting um this not not i i was seeing like i don't know what they're called but they're doctors that want to do things uh without medicine like alternatives what is it homeopathy yeah so i went to a homeopathic uh doctor and she asked me to get a dna uh test so she can read my body and tell me what type of things i shouldn't eat or what kind of vitamins i should take so i did that right and so i brought the paper to her and she went down this thing and now this is when i this is like i was not feeling this whole homeopathic type thing because i didn't believe them yeah yeah you know what i mean you're kind of reluctant like come on they're full of [ __ ] you can look at somebody like oh you need more vitamin b and they're like i'm a homeopathic and you believe them right this is when i started believing in this this lady is when she started looking at my chart and she goes she goes do you do you smoke weed or or do any uh thc do you ever get thc in your body or and i go no i go i i do it occasionally but it's never like something i need and she goes you cannot do that your body chemistry is not allowed to have thc i go why she goes you have a gene that is stimulated by thc and it's uh schizophrenia yep oh you know this well i and my brother suffers from schizophrenia i got children you're prone to potentially falling and i cried in front of her and immediately i thought of my brother like the trauma went all the way back to him rolling those joints and like and then i started blaming myself like why didn't i tell my mom why not sure like i felt so [ __ ] bad but then again that medicine wasn't out in the 70s they didn't know and and i literally uh yeah i cried i remember telling everybody about it and and now i'm i'm i'm scared when someone has it i get a little scared you know i did this weed show on netflix and i was literally just throwing it in you know i was pretending you know what i mean i i would eat a little bit but i was like so nervous because i knew what this doctor said to me and i know she wasn't lying because i know it's it's in my family it's in my family she wasn't lying and that's what i believe that's when i started believing in this homeopathic type research right right there's like there's a lot of music there's a lot of mirror in it bro like for her to hit that on the nail like that to see that is like that's she wasn't like reading the palm of my hand she saw something and she knows that this is stimulated by thc stay away from me i did not know that was possible yeah well you have a certain a certain part of your genetic sequence that makes you more prone to schizophrenia based on your family line and thc activates that is what you're saying yes and it scared me so much that i'm done people don't respect give enough respect to psychoactives i'm telling you even even marijuana as far down as marijuana it's such a light thing and everybody thinks it's so simple and it doesn't affect your mood and it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't you know activate your your uh you being prone to certain genetic you know malfunctions or or mental illnesses people really need to look into that stuff there's a lot of people out there who wake up every single day they don't want to get out of bed they're like this is depression no it's you're smoking an ounce of weed a day yeah you're smoking an ounce of weed a day and you are genetically uh dis dis dispo whatever the [ __ ] word is to having a a mental condition based on that thc india yes it's a very mike you're so right you're 100 right because i i never understood like when people go oh man this is i get it when i smoke i don't know i don't even know the lingo but like i smoke this it makes me feel good and and i'm like i'm always super paranoid and i start thinking [ __ ] up [ __ ] same every time i get high i'm like i can look at you and think a certain way like yo what did what do you mean by that like it'll my high is so [ __ ] up so i never understood what people were talking about i had never had a really good heart i'll laugh but then it turns right into this dark place yeah man i thought it was where i gotta go relationship with weed because i can relate to that i i had the first couple maybe 10 times i smoked all very dark very dark let me down a a a horrible path and i hated the way it made me feel sometimes some side i'd freeze up in my own body and then i kind of uh crossed the bridge i got i got over the hump and i and i beat it per se and then uh corona hit and i was like you know [ __ ] i'm gonna push myself because all i did was vlog i'd be creative and fun with my friends so i became like a full-on pothead intentionally i was like how far can i take this i pushed myself to the limit like to the limit where i noticed i was getting angry when i wasn't high i couldn't eat when i wasn't high and i told josie this the other day uh the withdrawals that i've had because i cut it cold turkey it's the only way i know how to like stop a habit uh the withdrawals that i had i don't know if i'm willing to experience that torment ever again insomnia lack of appetite mood swings from thc from a planet when you stop so when you stopped you couldn't sleep first for your body for two to three years definitely a dependency and bro i wasn't even like i say i have for me i'm talking like smoke every night but sometimes the day but it was small i mean compared to like no we no we'd face a joint but evan's always high evan's always like yeah that's the thing that needs to come out of the conversation too it's like i'm i don't want to this is not supposed to be a dare ad kids i you know no no i smoked weed one time for different folks you know what i'm saying in my mind and i lost my mind every night and now i'm like you guys talking i'm like whoa maybe i should no you just gotta know and i experimented with it because i knew i i got a pretty strong mental i could get out of it easy although it [ __ ] sucked yeah i i got out of it and now we say this all the time different strokes for different yes the first time there's a lot of therapeutic value for a lot of people yes it's not it's not one of those drugs like you know i want to bring it up quickly purdue pharma today the maker of oxycontin which has been responsible for the opiate epidemic that exists in this country yeah is finally facing federal criminal charges today rightfully so and it's very exciting for me this is a big part of my story there was some therapeutic power in those pills but the the downside of those pills was a massive tragic ruin the [ __ ] country a half a million dead americans as a result of one [ __ ] branded pill right marijuana is not the same way it's got a lot of therapeutic benefits it it ignites appetite and cancer patients it makes you know pts it might have helped pts uh d victims but you know you like you said you gotta look at how it affects you personally and then make a decision based on this yeah 100 yeah it's not for everybody but you're right it is therapeutic like there are there are people in situations where i'm like yo i'd much rather you just smoke a joint than to take take all those bottles man like honestly yeah you know i have friends in my you know oh i got a i got a friend that that that you know smokes weed a lot but i i understand and i don't want to put his business out there but i understand i'm like yeah i'm 100 behind that i'd rather you do that than to take those [ __ ] pills you drinking either or no no i've never been it's so funny that you said i was just talking about this the other night i literally drink to socialize right yeah but it's never been like i don't have a bar you know i mean i don't have like scotch yeah i'm like hey i got yeah i don't have like i don't have something got this great ski yeah i got some jamison it's delicious you know i mean like it's never been my thing yeah you know what i mean but i'll all occasionally drink but don't get me wrong i i do uh get [ __ ] up and that's not good when you find it when you drink yeah because i'm not doing it for the flavor mike you know what i mean like i never understood that i'm never like yo i could use a [ __ ] gin and tonic right now what are you doing to me what are you drinking i'd rather have a bat you throw it back quick yeah it's real quick like i hate it when people go oh my god like i hate girls that go like this i love tito's like what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] you're saying i love you in the future yeah that makes no [ __ ] sense to me like what are you talking about oh my god is so much better like what what is better it all tastes like it tastes the same what do you prefer what do you think uh i i will do uh jameson if i had to choose animals but i have to mix it yeah it has to be brown you gotta you ever get clear clear i will end up you know in a in a back seat somewhere in someone's car how did i get here like that's that's what vodka or tequila do to me the older i get the less i uh vibe and mix with uh alcohol and weed specifically alcohol yeah i mean i i i throw up uh pretty much every time i drink now yeah i the other night three a.m yeah three a.m me sitting out back by myself just by myself slowing up throwing up on my patio just sitting there just same with the situation you can't find a bathroom to save your life i don't like those i don't you ever thought about throwing up out a window i bet you guys opposed in the toilet you know what's crazy logan you want to hear something crazy um i pee outside too and i haven't said anything this whole [ __ ] time that's [ __ ] up yeah i pee i have a bag bathrooms everywhere in my house and i pee next to the kitchen off to and there's this area down by my thank you and we pee in the same spot thank you and and my son does it too and i learned it from my dad yeah and and and he pees on the same spot and it's kind of like that now it's this alpha male thing so i piss on top of his piss yeah and um it's like no this is my house i pay everything like that's where you came from yeah and uh and and i'm not even [ __ ] if i called him he would vouch for it like that's that's how i'm i'm not even lying my brother my dad my dog there's a side on our house like just like just like every other healthy father-son relationship like i don't from the midwest dude i saw my dad peeing once and two feet to his right his dog was peeing next to him i said that's a man and his dog i want that one yeah that's beautiful nothing's changed that's beautiful that and that's that's a beautiful story you got tick-tock joe coy you're like this dad i want to be just like you and then he goes like this learn how to do the splits first ugh my mom she's a gymnast i got it from my mama i'd like to see gp try can you still do the splits i can [ __ ] man that i i told uh my nephew that's that's because he's he taught me all these uh stretching exercises because like i said i've grown all the time so i've been learning how to do you want to know how i could do this splits how cause i really i'm not even joking i i told them i want to eventually learn how to do the split check this out this is for everyone who's uh hella depressed because they're injured and they love activity sports you have a goal that you want to accomplish when it comes to athletics this is for you all right uh so my mom was a gymnast so there i think there is a gene in me that's like inherently flexible but i wasn't inherently flexible i had a knee surgery when i was a freshman took me out of the football season all i wanted to do just like every other kid was be a pro football player and i had a really really really bad knee injury worse than an acl tear i tore a piece of cartilage about the size of a quarter in my knee cartilage doesn't grow back so they had to like uh stunt the growth by like uh making holes in my knee and trying to circulate blood blood flow as a disaster and when i went to pt physical therapy they'd always just make me stretch i couldn't i couldn't squat i couldn't squat and even a little bit i could barely bend my knee type thing i had to uh at night sit in this machine that would move my leg for eight hours every night while i while i slept just to just to get the motion back for like for like four months disastrous this was like one of the darkest times of my life it's when i made like a conscious shift to start like manifesting and writing my destiny because i was like yo i have to get it out of here like i want to be successful over all these things on page oh [ __ ] yes how old were you 15. what just so just started manifesting everything because i was i was so upset i couldn't go to school because i had to sit in this machine in the day and at night and um i couldn't do football with the rest of my friends and so i would always just stretch and uh it was and that's what they always told you stretch always just stretch there's always your stretch and finally when i was uh able to play football again i still couldn't squat i couldn't do the weight so the rest of the football team was squatting it was always a stretch and then i was like 18 years old and i was like stretching one day i was like holy holy [ __ ] [ __ ] i think i could do this plates i think i can do this is weird i'm like i'm like a muscular 18 year old that can do the splits yeah and in wrestling it turned out uh to work in my favor because what i lacked in strength in my legs because i still have pretty skinny legs i made up and flexibility then the vine came around and now you have this six foot two like semi-built dude that can hop into the splits and i was like you know people say everything happens for a reason whether or not that's true or you can just apply it to anything to suit your life and the events that have occurred in it what was the darkest moment in my life helped aid in me becoming this social media star because the uh split videos were one of the first videos that ever went viral well that's like that yeah bro i remember i remember i was backstage at the i think it was the vmas i was presenting an award uh and bts won the band the uh the the k-pop band massive one probably the biggest band on the planet bts1 and i presented them their award and they saw me backstage and they all looked at me and one of them looks at me the next one looks and they all like start tapping each other i'm like holy [ __ ] [ __ ] bro this is the biggest plan been on the planet i'm presenting their award there's no way they know who i am and they'll go oh split man no split man i'm like i'm like what the [ __ ] wow all because of these splits that i thought at the time when i was stretching and wasting my time so so it felt like was going to aid in this this massive progression as just like a creator and it was just it was fascinating it's so dope to see the the turnaround of something so that was that went from 15 to 18. 15 to 18. i would always just didn't do one squat that's so crazy not a single squat and literally that's how how it happened yeah yeah it's nuts yeah so can i just say we share a parallel you could do lives lives no one with the uh the peeing outside yeah and two the most traumatic injury to ever happen to me was when i was 14 i had to stay in the hospital for uh like six months like seven surgeries whoa yeah compound femur fracture whoa busted tibula and fibula my bone came completely out of the skin yeah motorcycle yeah and literally that hole 14 i turned 15 in the hospital one break or shot or do you have a shatter or was it just one clean break oh one clean break it snapped out i think this is what happened because my tibula and fibula snapped in half too but but when i got hit i got hit head-on with another motorcycle right we were coming around the scene yeah it was at some recreation i shouldn't have been there crotch rocket or like a modified little no it's a little there's a little dirt bike okay by the way i'm 14. so it wasn't like 250. it was like an 80. yeah okay you know what i mean why is he 80. 12. mike look at mike a 121 it was this big up who's this big on the counter wow [ __ ] you mike i was doing heroin at 12. all right tell us more about i was blowing strangers for crack for crack tell us more about what happened on your tech deck man you're talking about your [ __ ] tricycle your legos you're [ __ ] kidding your motorcycle made a lego let me tell you what i did you are trauma try shooting heroin up your ass while you cinch off your dick muscle can we still monetize this can we still modernize it because this is informative it's for the children this guy's talking about scooters lego bikes that's his sweet spot the burns are his sweet spot he's so good at him bro he said is that your is that your home that's your best spot i think i just i don't know i just i've always the comebacks or whatever it's always been my thing all right so you're in the hospital you've shattered your whole body on a little lego bicycle hey i'll decide when to start my story back up all right how's that mr conductor slow down all right it's not immigrant it's impulsive logan runs the ship all right stay below [ __ ] oh my [ __ ] i was so happy about it all of us are gonna need to go to the hospital you're affecting us mentally his shoulder's been directed at you guys and i'm just i'm creeping back george is like if i don't say anything he won't look at me this is the quietest i've ever been on a podcast i was like it's your guess you got him here hanging back say something please george they've been giving me [ __ ] for so [ __ ] really you can't say this can't do that can't do this i brought my boy like [ __ ] you guys i'm sorry i love you guys man no but i was in the hospital for six months but dude compound female refresher you gotta remember this is the 80s so they don't have the technology there's no computers yeah or any of that [ __ ] the the doctor literally literally said we're gonna drill a hole through your shin this is real talk you guys i had four pins put into my thigh just to hold it in place and then they drilled a hole through my shin and put a pin through that and then a triangle to go over to hold the pin like this and attached it to weights it was so what do you mean it was helpful attach it to weights on a pulley to pull my legs but this was this was what were dinosaurs still around at this point dinosaurs are still around i'm gonna go to the bathroom yeah yeah you should because that was a horrible [ __ ] joke wow yeah it was a [ __ ] he shot and ran yeah yeah yeah the shot hit here it didn't even hit me look you want to see it oh yeah oh oh wait you're gonna take your pants i want to be impulsive sure okay wow can we do this yeah of course it's fantastic i'll step out of the way oh you still have a scarf oh it's bad bro oh whoa oh god and that's where wait caleb can you see that yeah wait it looks like there's a side oh i feel like i could see something what's protruding i don't like that i don't like that oh my god is that do you ever do that to girls when you're taking your pants off all right just be like yo before you suck this check this out all right george you poke me i poke you afterwards poke bro it's an air bubble yeah was he showing your skull where are you showing your scars yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no he's got his beat it's not it's not a scar dude he's got a pocket he's got a pocket sorry mike no that's what happens yeah worse than yours man yeah because it's not it's it's not a scar one here oh that thing that small thing that's cute what are those stirrups nice what's that a pocket here oh that was pretty bad okay that one's pretty scary's over my body joe coy yeah and not from lego bicycles no damn i'm shooting airway to my [ __ ] that's bloody all right so i'm surprised you have a leg but then how did that how did you transform that into here i'll show you i'll show mike oh yeah you have to it's kind of weird it's kind of [ __ ] up it in a good way i guess but i now poke it like a whoopee cushion like if i let the blood go through and then [Music] where's my camera maybe my scars aren't maybe my scars aren't that bad that's not that's not a scar that's like a like a part where iron man's costume wasn't built properly or some [ __ ] dude he could stick his finger inside of his [ __ ] body dude yeah it was bad it was so bad i remember i remember there was dirt inside the marrow right and uh and the doctor said we don't get all of this out because i was in er for about i'd have to say i'll make this number up but it was a long time it's about 10 hours yeah because they said we can't leave they kept telling my dad we can't even leave a little grain in there if there's a little grain it's done yeah we will probably have to cut the legs saline a lot of sailors a lot bro i mean elephant surrender oh yeah i remember them just squirting and i was screaming it was the worst well i remember the guy uh the doctor dr wigman was his name and uh and i remember him like uh like say like because i was 14 he was like say whatever you want kid say it don't worry just say it whatever you want because i was cursing and yeah and he didn't care he was like just do it say it say whatever you want kid do it and then he just kept doing he goes i know i know i'm sorry and just what did you say no pain no painkillers i was just current i was cursing out the person that was doing it like you [ __ ] [ __ ] you know at that point you were already going yeah 14 bro and i had my legs sticking out my you know my leg was cut in half and you know and they kept and i just wanted to go to oh oh this is why i was really mad because i wanted to go to sleep i go just let me sleep let me [ __ ] sleep and they go we can't we can't let you sleep and why uh because when you're in shock you can't go to sleep you have to be up if you if you're in shock and they put you to sleep you can die or go in a coma yeah yeah i'm going to cover so they you have to stay up and ah it was it was the worst but did that parlay into any sort of success because yeah the reason why did it yeah [ __ ] i still have stadiums um because you're talking about your leg came out of your legs i had to stay in the house and all i did was watch stanford okay now okay yeah but i thought you would put that together but uh maybe cliff notes next time for paul look at george he said something mean about you before the show say something to him please was your mom uh with you for that surgery because you you credited a lot of success to your mom uh wishing you to do stand up well because before uh you know like it's hard to talk to to the young generation now because we move so fast it's crazy how you how you've adapted you know what i mean like you've you've you've moved forward like i don't understand when is it going to be old for you and you you know what i mean like like when it's hot like tick-tock yeah tick-tock souls yeah see and that's what it was for me when when people said uh like when they said uh we have a bar they said fine oh you're still doing horrible references that was that bad the cure for polio was a good [ __ ] i he's a professional comedian i'm [ __ ] not yeah i'm just throwing out little [ __ ] ziggers george i'm doing what i can again it's a [ __ ] age joke yeah yeah [ __ ] it's okay it's okay [ __ ] yeah this is where the comments go crazy they're already going crazy they're so happy they're like finally mike got what he deserved for cutting people off and saying please michael jordan replace mike with joe coy or evan or someone just not mike you hate him kill mike joe coy's right he's an idiot shy here with his ass tied his dick around his neck [ __ ] [ __ ] mike i can't do this this is fun man welcome to impulsive no but uh no but i i love how you've you kept moving yeah you guys like adaptation it's hard though isn't it it's [ __ ] hard uh isn't it some people [Music] it's not for me i'm a bit of a chameleon yeah and i study formulas and i study what works then i do it better yeah and yeah i do notice that it's been my key none of my formats i don't think none of them are new i just i just see what people are doing i'm like oh that could work i may be able to do that and then just practice practice practice no that's great i don't think till we hit podcast like 150 i was like got it yeah 150 [ __ ] episodes i was like i think we got a little i think this is something yeah you know that's great correct me if i'm wrong but i'm pretty sure when you started vlogging there you would delete it you wouldn't even edit it you would just practice talking to the camera a few times am i wrong or uh i think you're wrong who was that was that mark i think mark did that how dare you i think you're wrong i'm sorry but even vlogging no vlogging took me years like i can't go back and look at the old vlogs i made my own content do you have trouble watching uh your first stand up i can't watch any of it uh why you it's hard annoy you or you're like wow i was i'm so green i was so well cause it's like uh one i'll miss a joke that makes me mad i'll miss a tag that [ __ ] kills me inside it's right where i just wanna like kick the [ __ ] tv in because i'm like are you [ __ ] kidding me i did that joke for a year and a half and now i this is my biggest moment i forgot it i [ __ ] forgot it like so there's a lot of things like that uh this was by far my this was my no no this is coming in hot um but my other one before this live from seattle was that was my baby man that was my everything yeah watch out what it was three times well the reason why i was my baby is because netflix didn't give me a shot they they didn't want my special so they kept turning me down which was crazy because i was breaking all kinds of records you know what i mean i was like selling out everywhere i was like six months in advance i'd i'd have 15 shows sold out at improv i had multiple theaters and and then we were like yo we got this hour and we went to netflix and we knew that they were going to start doing original specials not just buy specials they were going to make specials and i wanted to be on that i wanted to be one the first to do it because it was their year 2017 was when they were going to do it so i was like i need to be on that i knew everyone that was going to be on it like all the names they were bringing out of retirement to do it i was like i want to be on that run and uh they turned me down they kept turning me down and i was there there was this one time where i was like oh i told my manager i was like fly them out just fly them i'll get a private jet fly them they go watch my show limo back to the plane and fly back that finally they just said uh well one they kept saying they couldn't make it they're like we decided to go ethnicity no no no no they they wait no they they they uh they they they what they said is the calendar was full and was whatever they said is fine like it's their decision it's not up to me it's it's their network it's their platform you know what i mean so i could have went two ways right i could have been like [ __ ] mad at the world and went on twitter or whatever and blasted them yo [ __ ] netflix you know me everyone cancel your subscription because that worked out so well yeah yeah yeah but uh but i didn't want to do that i i knew i had enough on a [ __ ] amazing hour and and i knew if they just saw it that they would buy it so i paid for life from seattle i paid for everything when you watch it i'm broke bro like completely both those shows i paid for from all four walling it to the promotion of it to all the cameras in there the director i hired the producer i heard the lighting guy the [ __ ] guy that made the jk behind me that [ __ ] i remember when they came out i was so in financially that i was just numb to the point where they were like say something like hey you know this this floor is so old because it's an old theater it won't look good on these cameras because we're using reds we should laminate the floor and i'm like how much 12 000. and i'm like i'm like and i'm like i'm the exec i'm the one writing the checks and i'm like yeah yeah just laminate the floor because in my head i it was the investment i had to make was it had it if netflix does buy this it has to look like netflix made it yep i can't make something and and oh they didn't shoot it no no he sold it i i shot it and and you want to hear this mike this is how [ __ ] up it was they well no first of all i love netflix i love everything about snapchat i'm glad i'm glad they put me in the position because i didn't think i had it in me to do what i did but and i'm glad they put them in that position to to step up to the plate and do it and i made a beautiful product but but uh they oh man you're gonna love this when they knew i was shooting it they still called my manager and they were like hey just to reiterate we're not interested oh [ __ ] like like basically saying even if you shoot it we're not we're not buying we don't yeah just to let you know like we don't and then they and they were supposed to do that yeah like how come they might not be completely demotivating how can that not be completely demoted bro you don't think i was you i was i was backstage when i shot show because i shot two shows that night and uh and the first show i was kind of mad because i didn't feel i wasn't i wasn't on i wasn't on and uh and there was a couple jokes that i [ __ ] missed and i was so mad like i didn't like my intro walking out there was just a lot of pieces and i remember up in the green room you know i got my son bro like like my son's in the green room like dad's about to do something you know what i mean and i gotta impress my son my son knows what netflix is he knows he knows of course you know i mean and his dad isn't a part of that and that's it [ __ ] hurts your ego right and now here i am trying to prove it and show one i got all my money in and i didn't i didn't hit out the park now i only got show too you know and i remember my agent was back there my manager and i'm just like yo this is not [ __ ] fair i remember i was so mad i'm like this is [ __ ] [ __ ] dude like like i gotta pay for this [ __ ] and i remember my aunt my agent was like dude you're gonna kill it just let us handle the don't worry about you you're gonna make something good we got it just go out there and have fun [ __ ] it just have fun and and i remember that was like that motivation that i needed to hear and i i killed show too i [ __ ] destroyed it i i if you watch uh uh live from seattle that that that first the first four or five minutes is all off the top of my head like even when i talk to the lady in the front row about her pee and all that and then there was this joke i did about uh uh elevate your feet like none of that i've ever ever done ever yeah it was just off the top of my head i treated that night like i was performing at a nightclub at a comedy club and and and i remember i got off stage and i go we got it like a week that's so cool that's there's so much nobility in believing in your product 100 investing in yourself oh please make sure you tell these kids because this generation doesn't get it yeah they they still think that you know oh oh you just you just did a special on netflix uh put you on and now you're successful no man netflix said no you guys they said no about six or seven times even when they found out you were sh that would that would have killed me that would have killed me and i love netflix everyone over there joanne neal robbie prall all them cats robert gamble the whole family i love them and and it's not their fault it's a business it's a it's a [ __ ] business so i have to yeah they how do i how do i get mad at somebody that has to make a million dollar decision how how how like i bet mike or george like no matter how funny you are whatever how you're gonna convince this this company with a million by the way they don't even own the company they're being paid to make a responsible choice and now they're going to look at georgia go oh yeah here's one point blah blah blah make go make a special and then just flops what was there now they get fired no i don't they don't have a reason well he said this he said the schedule yeah yeah did they see did they see the product oh he brought this is fantastic we brought it to him and it was so funny because i won't do the personal [ __ ] but no but when i no i can't because it's it's politics but uh but i i brought it we brought it to netflix and literally it was about 30 minutes and they called us and said don't don't bring this don't shop it we want it wow yeah oh that's such a good feeling yeah bro when i was in the editing babe by the way by the way you guys all right you [ __ ] kids out there if you want something and and you invest you have to be in involved in every step of the process start to finish all right don't don't let someone edit your product and they get mad when that airs and like but i didn't mean to say you were there bro yeah you edit it like you're responsible and then take full responsibility as well but i remember when i was in the editing bay uh we were there for three days and and i i remember that third day when we finally cut the end of it i we we all high five you're like oh we got it that's so good like yo this is such a great feeling this is this is gonna be legendary like this i felt like that one was gonna be my my that was my my piece when i when i retire this is what my son's going to be proud of yeah like this is my [ __ ] moment yeah and anyways that's what no that's when he first turned me on oh live from seattle there's this comedian you gotta watch it live from seattle joe coy oh i came back from a trip with him and he and he sat me down he's like yo you really gotta be a stand-up and being a stand-up to me wasn't like go be a stand-up i i love acting but people will say you're really funny do it and i do this thing where i make everybody in the room laugh and it's just we call it the george show yeah it's just like a little bit that i just do when i know jokes in my head but it's different than when you go on stage so i go okay i've already watched all of your stuff so now i'm gonna go and watch it and pause and see how you're structuring your jokes how do you like there's times where you pretend like you're forgetting something and you remember so i'm sitting there and i'm watching you and i'm glad you said the first five minutes because i paused it and i was like there's no [ __ ] way this [ __ ] shit's written i was like there's no way yeah i paused that i rewinded i go did he put this [ __ ] in the front seat like how the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] laughing exactly the way he's describing [ __ ] crazy and so i'm sitting there watching i can't look i can't do it man i can't yeah you know you discouraged him because you can that's that's a that's a really hard because you have it right because like you you do it in front of you at the moment tell him where he should start tell him where he doesn't know where to start neither of them do oh no where do you start yo i did stand up in an empty nightclub so it's like you know i did them anywhere a diner any it doesn't [ __ ] matter like when i practiced my last tonight show set i did add a weed house because i knew they had an open mic on a tuesday and i needed to get up so to have an excuse of saying oh there's nowhere open like i can go up anywhere if you put a a mic there and we just put some seats i'm gonna do it are you not nervous if there's like 11 people no what scares me is when there's less people because then you can oh that's that's when you should be that's when you should be scared yeah when there's less people when you do an arena no you shouldn't the energy is already controlled like yeah they're they're like the the when they're when they're there it's because they're there for you when you're in a coffee house and it's seven people they're there for a coffee that's the truth yeah so now you really gotta sell i've had so oh my god so i mean my first time on stage i [ __ ] ate it dude it was i remember uh going to the comedy store and walking out when it was my my call like when they were like hey you're next and i was like yeah just ninja there's so much of that that people don't see yeah all like we talked all that overnight succession it's really 20 [ __ ] years buried under the surface and people never see it yeah i i love telling people like you know respect where i came from before you get mad at where i'm at sure right absolutely respect it dude because i put a lot of years into this [ __ ] a lot dude i'm in hot was amazing too that was that was my favorite uh special but that one that was another one where i uh i had to improvise a lot because this chick in the second row barfed on the chick in the front row amazing that's awesome and the whole left side uh no the whole right side was complete [ __ ] chaos so i had to play left on the first show so matt i remember telling the chick i go i have over a million dollars in cameras here you're not gonna [ __ ] this night up you're not gonna [ __ ] this [ __ ] night i was so mad i told i told everyone i go stop the [ __ ] cameras i go you're not gonna [ __ ] end this night i go this is my night there's a million dollars of [ __ ] cameras in here and this is not your [ __ ] night i go and i i forgot what else i said i got are we good turn the [ __ ] cameras on i was so [ __ ] mad but you were mad while performing yeah how does that not [ __ ] i was not okay a lot of people say i um i saw this on jamie like jamie foxx did this special and he had like uh outtakes and uh and in his outtakes his his uh i think his jacket broke or something broke during his set and it was an outtake he put it in and he goes oh we can cut this all out or something like that he's like oh we can edit this out so my first three specials i never remembered the jamie foxx thing i i always barreled through my my sets like if something was went wrong i just kept going because i was like oh the cameras are on yeah just [ __ ] do it ignore it if someone does something i'll ignore it whatever like and that was on my first three specials um that third one i remember jamie that's the best [ __ ] i remember what jamie did and when that [ __ ] happened man right into it man i looked at the camera and uh and i and i said the director's name i go stop cut yeah i go [ __ ] you are not gonna [ __ ] this one up man not this one [ __ ] i got 8 000 people in this [ __ ] we're not stopping for one [ __ ] you're gonna stop this [ __ ] she just kept throwing up no it was just this insanity it was just [ __ ] yelling and then there was vomit but so like too much like if she just vomited you would have made a joke about it and kept it moving but it just the whole crowd exactly if it was if it was one thing where they could have cleaned it up and just like which they were trying to do but there was just this well you get vomit religiously she's just being annoying no i'm not i'm not seeing the chick that got vomited on i feel for her the other [ __ ] yeah or someone in that crew that was [ __ ] it all up was she trash did she eat some bad red lobster you know what man maybe it was her diet mike i don't [ __ ] know bro yeah she doesn't like broccoli well i thought you would have seen what was in the puke and been able to answer it what did you eat no zucchini no i had no idea i was just i was upset at the situation and i knew if i let it keep going it was going to [ __ ] that whole special up yeah so i had this sense huh did it end up oh dude that's one of my favorite specials is coming in hot so listen georgie i'm only saying this because i want it documented on record because i don't know if it has been yet but you took the leap when you moved to hollywood to do whatever you felt like you could do and it ended up working out for you you just got to take the same leap into stand-up comedy because i really believe in you and i think that's a such a strong innate lane for you and i push you bro there's that time remember for a month every day texting you a reminder to do stand-up comedy reminder to do stand-up comedy yeah you just got to do it bro i know it's scary i know it's scary yeah it's terrifying i'm going to tell you right now it is the worst especially especially because check us out check us out he's in a little bit different of a boat because like people know him and he's poisoned and he's already funny online right he can make the cuts in post-production that is hard so when he comes in there's a stigma already attached to being george jenko that oh this guy's hilarious and if he's not i bet you you in your mind it might upset you that you don't match the image that people see online that's what it is i was i actually because we talked about it you even were nice enough to be like yo come on yeah to the show open up for me and get your cobwebs off and feet wet yeah and so but that's also and let me tell you why i said that too because i did it for batch too are you guys still friends right back of course yeah we love it and i love that and uh and what i love about batch the most is when he wants to do something he [ __ ] does it yep when he says he's gonna do it he's doing it and i love that about him and uh and when he expressed interest about doing stand-up i go i go bro i know how famous you are and if if you put your name on a bill that house is going to fill because of your name and you better make sure that you can live up to that responsibility because you're asking for a lot of money and you're gonna make a lot of money and if they leave mad you've just not only lost fans but that [ __ ] is never coming back even if you do get good you you think that but also at the same time if they truly are your fans they do give you a little bit more of leniency no i think they would give no i i think no michael jordan michael you should not even know that not even not saying like completely out of your head if you [ __ ] suck they are not going to come back i guarantee you no not come back yeah yeah so you have the responsibility to make sure your [ __ ] is right it's you know don't that's an art form you know what i mean like you got to respect that art you would suck if pearl jam came out with no guitars but they still want 500 to show you know i mean like yeah so so uh like uh old old man reference by the way love perfect uh oh you're great [ __ ] bad and now i love you michael apologies great [ __ ] problems right i love this this is what i said to uh batch i go do my show i already have a built-in fan base that only knows me and i won't even tell people you're coming i won't say batch i won't even say you know even hint yeah just come just sneak in because the show's already sold out i don't need you to sell my tickets i sell my own tickets and just come in and they'll give you the most honest feedback you know what i mean they will be the most honest with you you know and it's not only that it's humbling too it's humbling to be someone like batch who has i don't know 20 million whatever it is and to come into a room where we don't know who this guy is you know i mean like maybe eight of his fans are there but the rest are an older demo you know my demo he did great and he and he would do it all the [ __ ] time until he got this rhythm you know what i mean and that's that's what you need you need to be able to just like not use your name and just go up and fail because failure is good you might not you might not a couple times and the first thing i noticed immediately was that the energy either drives you or breaks you yeah when i get when i get on stage and there's a i've done just speaking but i'll joke around a lot and i'll go off the riff the energy of the crowd makes me feel like i feel great like i'm like i'm in front of these people they are engaged with me they're paying attention it's very different than a camera yeah there's no one there looking at you right now there's no one there laughing at all your jokes when that crowd starts laughing it puts you to a [ __ ] it puts you to the moon yeah it gives you the confidence that just makes you go and it brings you to a level you would never get to in front of a camera or three people in a [ __ ] room but you also approach it but you also have to learn how to uh adapt to a room that's not responding for sure but that's where the coffee houses come in play that's where the garages come in play that's why i'm not scared to do that yeah because it's like oh okay good you're not laughing that's fine you know what i mean but that's what you're learning that's the the the skin the shell the armor that you're building when you do [ __ ] like what do you do in those circumstances i just keep going yeah i really don't give a [ __ ] if you don't laugh i'm rich you know what i mean like that's the attitude honestly it really is so i i would like i said i was thinking about it and i think i i got spoiled i really never had a failing moment and i think that's what scares me when i came into social media i knew dick about it like nothing logan's like here you're really funny i'll put you on do you know how to write jokes and then he just gave me a [ __ ] platform and then i just thrived from it my first movie i auditioned did amazing i got so lucky killed in the box office i did my auditions first year i booked five in a row was on huge tv shows i've never had anybody be like you just [ __ ] failed and everybody since i was a child it's like do stand up and i think i run away from it because i don't want to let people down yeah that's that's the fear though but that's everyone that's just stand-up is scary bro i mean public you know public speaking is the number one fear so scary i'd rather i'd rather do what will did and jump off a hot air balloon and bungee yeah as scary as that is i'd rather do that if they gave me an option when i was deciding holy [ __ ] there's no [ __ ] way wow impossible that's my dad that's great greg paul is in the house caleb who gets him where he pees that's amazing oh oh here he comes come on hey what's up dad this is our guest joe coy how are you stand up comedian uh we we had a short conversation you have to no no no i wish you were here for the pod you'll understand i had to shake your hand there's an inside joke it's listen you can't you can't come on the podcast saying you have kobe wearing a trump 20-20 hat in fact caleb don't even pan the camera tube anymore dad back up yeah back up back up back up this it was it was so fun and familial and bro he could have his opinions yeah i know but he could have his opinions [ __ ] silence your dad he peace with his dog we were talking about us peeing and you know how we'd always pee outside yeah why does your dad look younger than mike i just i'm doing i'm putting that out there i love it why does he eat young guys he eats venison it's the meat i knew it i listened to it i looked older until i had coveted joe you got uh you got a show coming up sound like capacity uh yeah we got some shows but go to joecoy.comkoi.com but i also have a netflix show that's about to come out and then uh my new special on netflix uh in his elements where i shot it in the philippines fantastic yeah very cool man yeah we'll be watching man thank you for coming on oh oh and people's choice award everyone go vote for me right yeah right now congratulations it's worth double i want that award because that that special that i shot in his elements meant a lot to me and it and i would love to bring that award back to the philippines fantastic go see eddie better show with me any better i will do that all right let's do it i would let's connect old people yes scars and all can i bomb at your shows 1 million i've already said that george thank you guys for listening to this episode impulsive hit that subscribe button we'll see you next time take it easy bye

Channel: Impaulsive

Views: 431,515

Rating: 4.9355478 out of 5

Keywords: podcast guest, Jake Paul brother, impaulsive, impaulsive podcast, logan paul podcast, maverick, jo koy, jo koy comedian, comedian, funny, netflix, jo koy netflix special, dave chapel, washing hands, pee sitting down, stand up comedian, vegan, weed, smoking, motorcycle, roasting, live from seattle, george janko, mike majlak

Id: iU00Rtqy_-A

Length: 94min 26sec (5666 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 22 2020