Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week at... For me a totally new table, and Link the same table in his home. We're gonna be talking about, actually we're gonna be
going through a survey that we gave our children. All about, mostly us. And they didn't hold
back on their answers. So yeah. A survey about their
unadulterated thoughts of one of the adults in their
lives, us, their fathers. I will give an update
both for those of you who are listening, because I
have every reason to believe that I sound very echoey
'cause I am in an empty room that literally has, it has a
rug, and it has the one thing that has been delivered
to my office over here, the creative house, my chair. You're in a white room
with a white t-shirt on, this is your office at the creative house? Yeah, is actually not white. It's like very very light lime green. It's almost the same color as what is neon that you have on but not as bright. But I didn't really think about-- Okay. Basically what happened is, as I was getting ready
to shoot in my house and then I realized that there was a dude with a jackhammer there. I gonna sneeze, I'm
allergic to jackhammer, Jackhammer, your construction,
your pool construction. The construction has resumed. Because they're sending
like one two guys over, they're doing it in a responsible
way, masks the whole deal. But anyway, jackhammers and
podcasts don't mix well. So I kinda threw everything
together and came over here. Incidentally, just a point of nostalgia. I am using the table. The original card table
that we cut a hole in for Good Morning Chia Lincoln and then was the original
"Good Mythical Morning" table for a few seasons. Well before that it was the,
it was RhettandLinKast Live. I mean, this is the first table we made videos from for YouTube. Oh, yeah, RhettandLinKast
Live before that, yeah. Yeah, years before Chia Lincoln. And you're .
It's running great shape. I'm glad we still have it. Oh, yes in my office, is my desk now. As I wait for my desk to get here. So hopefully he will--
So, I'm going to this survey.
Just to the echo. I've got some correlations in, I think there's gonna be some findings from each of these children of mine. And I'm interested to see
what your kids had to say. Some had to be more motivated
to participate than others. And I think that will become clear as we go through the responses. You better believe it, now-- Yeah.
I've got two children, an 11 year old and a 16
year old and it's very clear that the 11 year old was more interested in giving full elaborative answers. Yeah.
Than a 16 year old, which is just part for the
course what you expect. The only reason I had
three kids was so now I can have more of a chance of
picking an answer that I like on a survey that they filled out, which I'm talking about on a podcast. You know, so--
Bro, really what you're saying is that having kids is all about
what it does for you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
It's not about them, it's about us. Yeah, I mean, you didn't
have to spell it out. But I think if I get that. I will say before we get into the survey had a little stuff that
happened at my house. I did a very very short
just little teeny story on my Instagram that
let you know about this, but I'm gonna tell you
the rest of the story now. So, we've had this idea, and I've heard of other families doing, I don't know if you've
thought about camping like in your yard, as
part of quarantine, right I thought about for a second, have not made any movements
in that direction, though. Well, Jessie brought it up and I was like, I think this is a good idea. But I do know that it's
going to require me to set the tent up and then
blow all the mattresses up. I got it, I'm the dad I do all that right? Yeah. And so... But I was like, okay, she
asked four or five times and we've been in quarantine
for many weeks now. And I was like, okay, let's do it. And of course, we don't
even have any real grass. We have artificial grass in a very small, the one area
of our yard that has grass. You told me where Barbara poops? Yeah.
Oh Okay. And pees, yeah.
Great place to camp and well it makes--
In a dogs latrine. What do you think
happens in the wilderness that you normally camp
at, multiple animals are defacating and--
More spread out, it's pretty concentrated.
Micturating all over the place. In that one environment. She's a small dog, if
it was a Saint Bernard, we wouldn't be out there. Be sleeping on some lopes. And we've been doing another
thing which I also recommend, we've got a projector that we've been watching outdoor
movies on the weekends, we've been projecting
up against the fence. Okay.
And watch "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," Not that excellent--
Which I had to say say. No hold up. We started watching that a few months back and like the kids are like,
look at me like I was crazy. And we had to turn it off.
No, its hilarious. It's hilarious, your kids
don't have good taste, I mean, it's okay. Hey, mark here, as have good taste.
Will find out in the survey. You'll see in the survey how
good of a taste they've got. My kids love insights into the 80s and the 90s because they'd like to see
what it was like for us. And so like we watched "Bill
& Ted's Excellent Adventure," we watched "Clueless" last weekend. They heated up and "Clueless"
is great because... Well, but actually both of
them they take place in LA, so it's like they get to see it anyway. Okay. So we were like, okay-- I'm not gonna say your
kids don't have taste. That wouldn't be tasteful to
say, so I wouldn't say that. So I'm saying, okay,
their taste is their own. I was like, okay, well, tonight is the night we'll camp out. And Locke just immediately says, "Well, I'm not gonna be part of that." As a 16 year old this has been happening as the quarantine has gone on, he's just been kinda ducking out of different family
activities and I get it. Yeah, it's tough man, for
He did watch the movie with us, he did watch the movie with us. But then we're like,
okay, it's gonna be me and Jessie and shepherd. Well you know how sometimes
things can be kinda hanging on by a thread and
this something can happen that can just create-- Snap.
The tension boils over. Oh, yeah. Well, Shepherd, at the
very end of "Clueless," the part where Cher is realizing
that she's in love with her stepbrother. Played by Paul Rudd. I mean, this is everything has been culminating into this moment. And all of a sudden Shepherd gets up and starts doing something with Barbara and everybody gets distracted. And then I yell a Shepherd
in the middle of the scene. And then he is in his dragon
onesie with a giant hood, and then he puts his head over his head and puts his head down and
doesn't watch the last scene. So--
Oh no. He was upset, and then
he's like, "I'm not camping "with you guys." And so I tried to talk him into it.
Isn't it you and Jessie who gonna sleep in a tent. So I ended up being me
and Jessie and Barbara. All night in a tent? Well, I'm not done yet. So, we go out there and I'm
out there for about an hour. And I realized that I
can't sleep and also, my back has been doing
great, but actually that day, my back was not doing great. And so, I'm on one of those inflatable. I'm not even on an air mattress. I'm on one of those, like
packable backpacking, very, very thin inflatable
things, you know? And I was like, baby, I'm really sorry, but I think I got to go into the bed. I mean, we're just out here in a tent, and the bed--
You're so close to the bed. Literally yeah, I can almost touch it. But I said--
Yeah. But you should stay out here. She kinda wanted to, she was
like, "Well, me and Barbara "will stay out here in the tent." She actually was like, she saw it as a test. "Can I stay outside all
night and sleep in the tent," 'cause she was kind of
scared of what I don't know. Okay. So my wife slept in the tent
by herself with our dog. And she said that was a
couple of stressful moments where her and Barbara both
woke up heard rustling. I think we got rats coming
down and eating fruit from that fruit tree
in the neighbor's yard and I think one of them may have rustled up next to the tent. I think that what
happened is the one thing that makes the most sense, I mean, you're achieving spatial distance from your family, the only people that you've
been in close proximity with for weeks on in. That's the thing about camping. It's like, hey, we've been
confined to this space only interacting with
each other in person. Why don't we move to
another more confined space and be more uncomfortable
and closer together? Yeah.
But really, I think what's happen is, why don't I go and live in another house, which just happens to
be a tent in the yard? You're on this up? I think you should --
Right. Take shifts, just leave the tent up. And that will be--
- But the tent is till out You got a place, you got
haven that people can go to. I might even come over there
and sleep in that tent. I don't know about that-- I might be forced to.
But the tent is still up. I tell this story as a way
to introduce the fact that even though as we said earlier, you have your children
to inflate your own ego and to carry on your own seed. Which I'm being sarcastic by
the way, for those of you, for the 10%, who didn't get it. They don't always do
what you want them to do. The moments that you try to create for your family, don't always come to fruition in the
way that you envision. And your kids they don't
always react to you, or understand you in a way that you are trying to be understood. And so I think that this survey that we we asked them some personal questions about us, illustrates the fact that they do have some formed
opinions about us, but they may not be the opinions that we try to form in them. Yeah, and I've got my surveys laid out, Lily, Lincoln the middle
child in the middle, and then Lando over here. And let's just get into
the first question. Let's do a couple right quick. 'Cause I think we'll just
go through the survey and see what stands out to us. The first question.. And Kiko and Jenna helped
put these questions together, and then we just read them and we're like, okay, I don't know what
they're gonna answer, but let's just give it over
to them and see what they say. So, the first question is, what's your dad's weirdest habit at home? Which I feel like, puts
a big target on my back, 'cause I know I'm a man of weird habits. Lincoln did not answer this question, because even though I told him a week ago, I asked him to fill out this survey along with Lily and Lando. Now, I woke up this morning and realized I forgot to
ask him again last night. So I woke him up from sleeping. Oh well.
To fill out this survey. And then when I went in
there, Like 30 minutes later, the survey was on his bed. He was still on his bed and
he was yet again asleep. So, it's a great sign, the first question has no answer. Yeah.
That seems like the easiest one. If you're my child, right?
But you know what? My 16 year old did not
answer that question either. Okay, that's right.
First question. Lando said, "He wants to reuse," in all caps, "everything." Now, I was trying to figure
out what he was referring to. I mean, I've definitely
been reusing freezer bags. Turn them a ziplock inside
out, rinsing it off, letting it dry and then
putting some more stuff in it. I mean, I've been tempted to blow my nose and then wipe with the same
square of toilet tissue. I'm not gonna say I've done that.
Hold on. Well, based on what I
heard, while on a phone call with you and your wife in
the background, she said, "You just blew your nose and
wipe the counter with it." Or no, she told my wife that that's what you did.
Yeah. So you have done it. Well, I wipe my butt with it. Well, it's not a huge
difference, it's an orifice. Yeah, she happened to see me and I like, I wipe my nose and then I
saw something on the counter and I had something in my hand
and to me it was disconnected and I know you think I'm a clean person and I'm like neurotic about that. But, efficiency trumps everything from me. And like Lando said, I
like to reuse things. So, then I had to watch the whole counter because Christy caught me
doing that and it was just, I don't know why I did it. It was it just something that happened. Lincoln didn't answer. Lily said my weirdest habit at home is "Eating his morning
smoothie out of a coffee mug "and sometimes a peanut butter jar." And I'm like, my best
mornings are the mornings when I'm scraping the bottom
of the peanut butter jar to make my smoothie and then
I can just pour the smoothie into the peanut butter jar
and eat a whole lot of, scrape the last bit of peanut butter off, and get that much more
peanut butter in my smoothie. Those are the best days. You're a strange man. I don't know where my coffee mug is. I drink my coffee, there's a mug, I'm not gonna dirty another thing. I'm gonna keep using my mug. That's not just for coffee. Hold on so you put... You like ration your
smoothie into the coffee mug and over and over again,
you keep filling it up. Yeah, I fulfill it up, drink
it, it gets halfway down. Then I put the rest in
a scrape the blender remains into the coffee mug. How do you drink? You drink your smoothie like this? I eat it with a spoon. I remember that now. Shepherd only answered this question. What your dad's weirdest habit at home. He takes a long time to poop. Well, you're not pooping that long. You're just on the toilet .
Right, yeah I am self- isolating. Why is that? That can't be the weirdest
thing you do at home. Well, I mean, I don't know man. I'm not nearly as
eccentric when it comes to do strange weird little things
that I do around the house as you, I don't have like
that "Nutty Professor" vibe. So--
Great movie. Yeah also "Nutty Professor" holds up. But "Bill & Ted" doesn't . It definitely . As you see here are talking to you. Definitely. Also, you'll see as we
go through the survey, Shepherd is also trying to be entertaining which I believe he pulled
off pretty thoroughly. Okay, moving on to the next question and then we'll take a short break. What's the one thing that
your dad always says to you? Now, this made me feel... First of all, I mean, in some ways luck and I have sort of the
typical dad-teenrelationship and almost like a... If you're a fan of "The Goldbergs." We talk about how everyone in our family is kind of like a much more
less characterized version of the different members
of "The Goldbergs." And so it is a very typical family, you've got like the dad
who's always yelling and getting upset about
people getting into his stuff, walking around in his underwear. So, I'm sort of a mild version
of that at home, right. And then you've got
the older brother Barry who's like super into basketball and rap, and like has like, and is always talking about working out and all this stuff and like Locke is very very much like the mild
version of Barry Goldberg. Okay. And so--
what did he say-- I think.
You would always say to him. He said that I usually say, "I thought maybe you weren't a moron." Oh. That's what you said. I thought maybe you weren't a moron. In first of all, I mean,
That is harsh, surely. This isn't something that
I say on a regular basis, but it's obvious. It's clear that has stuck with him. But, we do have that very
typical dad-teen relationship in which he'll do something
and then they'll do it again, and then they'll do it again. And then my response will be like, I thought maybe you weren't a moron, which is a softer way of saying, you're a moron, but without
saying you're a moron. But listen, I believe in
you that you're not a moron. But you certainly are behaving like one at this point.
It sounds like you've given up, like at
one point he believed in it. But now, as a last ditch effort to manipulate the moron out of them. Murray Goldberg just yells moron, I don't yell moron.
Oh he does. I just say the constructive thing. I try to move you away from the moron. And Shepherd answered this as "I think I got Corona." That Yeah, I know you do that. Which I did that a lot
at the very beginning. And now it's become a joke. So, I guess now that coronavirus is a joke but different members of our
family thinking that we have it as sort of become a running joke. Anybody coughs, "I think I got corona." Lily said that I always say, "Hey can you turn off that light?" I mean, I turn off a bunch of lights. I feel like I have the
right to ask someone else to occasionally turn off a light, especially when I'm already nestled into my spot on the couch,
and we're about to watch another episode of "Survivor" together. She's the last one, and
we've been waiting on her, and then the light from the hallway, shines right into my eyes. So when I'm watching television it makes my experience not as pleasurable. So I'm like, hey, can
you turn off that light? And yes, she has to turn
around and go back and do it. But it's not the end of the world. Lincoln said, the one thing
that I always say to him is "Get with the program." Yeah--
And I'm like. That's a soft way of saying, I thought you weren't a moron. Well, and it definitely implies that I have an idea of how things should go, like you were saying about the camping. I have a vision for how
things should unfold and what's the most perfect
way and it's a program. And so, I guess I think of it as a program that people need to get with. Now, I didn't know that
I said this all the time. But then Lando said the one thing that dad always says to him is "Get with the program." And I did not know that this --
Wow. Was a catchphrase of mine. I honestly didn't, so
I'm learning something. Apparently I say get
with the program alive. Yeah, you never told me
to get with the program, but I have inferred that
there's always a program. So-- Yeah,
Maybe you just don't say it 'cause I'm not your child. No, you're usually with
the program, that's good. You're under my influence. Well. Get with the program. Let's take a short break and get back to some more questions. I want you sell that shirt. Look at this shirt, I really liked it. Creativity through curiosity since the first day of first grade, 1984. You wanna, well Rhett
and I can give each other such a hard time, because we've known each other for so long, as commemorated in this
vintage neon green shirt available at mythical.com. Lando, you like this shirt? True
You wanna buy? I have to more shirts. Apparently Lando has come over to spectate on the recording of Ear Biscuits. Tell him to get with the program. Get with the program. When you ask him do you like this shirt? He has to say yes, because
this is how his college is gonna be paid for. Rhett say this shirt is
paying for your college. Okay, mythical.com. More question next--
What's the next question? On a scale of one to 10, how would you rank your dad's coolness? Oh man, this is a risky one, right? I think Kiko and Jenna wanted to throw us under the bus but this one. Lily gave me a 10 and she
even supported her answer. She said, "he gets to do
something he loves for a living, "and that's pretty cool." So, the fact that I get
to do something is cool. So I don't know if she's
really rating me as a 10, or my life from my perspective as a 10. Either way, I will take it. Yeah, that's pretty generous. What does Locke say? Well, Shepherd said, "Like seven." So like seven. Like seven. Lincoln, incidentally, gave me a seven. Okay, well Locke try to
get cute and gave me a 6.8. So I've rounded that out to a seven. 6.8.
So, I got an average of seven from my children. Lando gave me a 10. And he also put four hearts and he clarified that
it was a 10 out of 10. So yeah, I'm definitely Lando's favorite dad. I think, he didn't wanna, Lando doesn't want to make me feel bad. I don't know what his true answer is. Yeah, in McLaughlin
household we specialize in making each other feel bad. That's sort of like we're very sarcastic-- That's love.
With one another. Yeah, that is how we show love to each other.
That's an expression love. No one in a million years when asked, on a scale of one to 10 to rank a person. No one's getting 10s in
the McLaughlin household. You have to do something
incredible to earn a 10 and no one's done it yet. Yeah, yeah. It's an emotional love lick. Like--
Right. I've said this before my granddad Clyde. He give you a nice firm,
hit on the shoulder, or like a dead leg on the knee or give you like a firm pinch. And that was his way of showing affection by letting you feel
pain, just a little bit. We caught it lovely legs. Well, we don't do that in my house, but-- Yeah, don't do that in my house either. Yeah, what would you
do if you swapped roles with your dad? Oh, what do you get for this? Well, Shepherd said, "
I would be completely "and utterly lost on what to do." Hey, you know what? That's probably true, right? He's honest, and then.
Is a hard job men. I mean, I hate it, I almost
didn't say this a lot, but it's obviously, I hate, Link. Locke knew that we would
be doing this together and I think he thought
this would be funny. What would you do if you
swapped roles with your dad? Fire Link. Okay, that's funny. He's funny 'cause--
As usual. Lily said, "Fire Lock or any of them McLaughlin's, "just kidding hahaha." So, it's like she has that
seems sense of humor, I guess. But Locke, it'll never gonna happened. Hold on, you're not joking,
she said fire Locke? Yeah, I don't know why she
thought, she must have-- Fire Locke from what? For one to fire me I guess,
she had a premonition. I don't know why she wrote fire Locke--
Yeah. Locke guy is not even an employee. Maybe they consulted on their answers, I don't know.
Maybe they did. Lando, what would he do if
he swapped roles with me? He said, he would hand over
the company to his brother. And then I go over to Lincoln's answer, who did not confer with Lando. And he said.. Well, what would I do if I
swapped roles with my dad? "Go bankrupt." So, no matter who--
Confidence. Either one of them, it's
like we're in trouble is passing the baton to bankruptcy. Okay, if you if you choose
any guests to appear on GMM, which guests would you choose? Shepherd said, "I dunno Oprah?" Hey, that would be pretty good. It will be kinda weird to
have Oprah on the show, but-- It's just funny that a 11 year old... Like Oprah hasn't really been Oprah for... I'm saying, she just got
her own like channel. Like, where's he getting
information on Oprah-- Yeah.
That's what I'm trying to figure out. I think Oprah is like a
mythological creature to him, like someone who's just loons in the ether as being a powerful person in society, but he's never truly
experienced it directly, I don't think, maybe he has. I dunno.
I dunno. Lando said his younger
cousin, that would be cute. Lincoln didn't answer, and
Lily this is no surprise. She said, "John Mulaney or John Mayer." I guess anyone named John at this point. That's what she said. Big fan of John Mulaney. I think maybe we could get
him on the show, I dunno. Now, open invitation John
Mulaney, come on the show. Yeah, yeah he should. Interesting that Locke kinda chose like a comedian that he's
kinda vibing with as well. He said, "Theo von." Theo von is funny. I thought that it was on point he was gonna be on the show.
Maybe before all this happened. There was definitely talk
of him being on the show. There is a connection with
the publicist or something, PR firm, I think we have
some sort of connection, but we haven't made a connection--
He's a funny dude. Yeah.
He's very funny. Loose cannon, you never
know what he's gonna say. Right. But I like him, it'd be cool to him. what's the one thing you enjoy
most doing with your dad? Lando said, "Playing games," Lincoln said, "Laughing,"
it makes me feel good. Lily said, "Watching Current Mood." Again both big fans of John Mayer, so watching his live
Instagram on Sunday nights is something that we
now make an appointment to watch it live, so we used to watch it like late at night after The Fact. But there's some about watching it live and that's our quality time together. Yeah, so Locke in I
have horror movie night 'cause he's really into horror movies. His 16 year old-self,
this is how he put it. "Watching horror movies is pretty fun." it's like, this is what I enjoy, it could you say watching horror movies. It's gotta be like, watching
horror movies is pretty fun. I mean, it's not like
incredible, but it's pretty fun. Whereas Shep said, "Playing
with the drone/golf," which interesting Link,
we just got this drone that you've now seen. I have now seen it. And we've only played with it one time. I mean, I've been out like in
Shepherd stands next to me, but I let him take the controls one time. And apparently that meant a lot to him because it is his favorite
thing that he does with it. So, now I realize that, okay, we need to... You get insights, he's like,
really enjoying the drone. It's not easy to control but
it's not one of those drones that like the moment you get
it, you're going to destroy it. Slow more reliable--
No, no. Pretty good drone. What kind of drone is it? Is the Mavic Mini so it's the... Especially like DJI,
they're the ones that make all the best drones. But this is like the small one. It weighs like, it's the same... Without a battery it weighs
the same as an iPhone, I think. Oh wow.
Ready with a battery, it's very, very light. But, it can go. In fact, it can go two and a half miles. And so yeah, it has two
and a half mile range. But that's like a direct
line of sight thing. So since, we live a
probably a mile apart or so, Right when I got it, I was trying to send it to your house to spy on you in your backyard. Like, oh there's a drone, Imma keep this. But I just started going to your house. And it just said signal
loss and I was like, oh, go down.
Break comes down. It once it loses a signal it returns home. How much that thing run you? It's a nice--
Yeah, it's for 400 bucks. 400 bucks. I would have been a little more careful if you'd have told me
that when I was using it. Do you thought it was...
Dude, it's a nice drone. Modern you know.
It's a nice drone. Yeah, it was just a little, little, and is about as light as
an iPhone, so I'm like . You thought it was one of
those like you get it like the mall for like 40 bucks. No, it's not it's... You just went in to see the
footage from that thing. Oh, cool, well, here's is a test of knowledge.
I reviewed some of the footage. We asked each person,
how much does dad weigh? I was curious about this. So I'll start with the oldest,
how much does dad weigh? Lily said, "Approximately
266 jars of peanut butter." That's funny.
That's Way too much, if you do that conversion,
that's way too much. Lincoln said, "190 to 250 pounds." That's joking.
He dunno if he thinks that fluctuate or what? I don't know that he was joking. Hold no, hold on, did he
inherit your inability to perceive numbers? I think maybe he did. I think maybe be he did. That's its crazy.
Lando, said, "I don't know if this is right," question mark question mark question mark, but ironically, he is the
most accurate in my family with 130 pounds. I weigh 160 packets. I was kinda close. Yeah, you're---
okay. I think you were the closest,
Locke should know right? Yeah, well Shepherd said, "125 to 150." So not true--
Little low, little low. Locke said, "220 pounds, 14% body fat." Which, incidentally, that was accurate. Totally?
Exactly accurate. Well, Locke and I are like, he knows this because we talked about it, like I got my like in body-- Okay.
Like analysis done, actually right before a quarantine. But I've actually lost 10
pounds during quarantine. Because I've been walking like nuts-- I've lost, at one point I lost 10 pounds. And I don't know how or why, and this was after a couple of weeks of getting delinquent and not working out, and I guess not eating, and just wasting away a little bit. So once I started weighing,
once I realized that, I started eating more snacks and I gained about five pounds back. So, I lost 10 pounds of muscle-- Equal stats.
And I gain five pounds of snacks, that's where I'm at in this situation. Yeah, but I've been looking at my walking and I've been walking an
average of four miles per day during quarantine.
Wait. Yeah. Just I mean, we've been going on walks. I think it's a combination of that, and then I think it's
because we've been eating out so much less, that you just kinda make a plate of food for yourself
and then I kinda just eat it. Where if I go to... Like we go out a lot,
when going out is a thing and it's get a little appetizer. Oh get a meal. Let's go why not get a dessert, get a little latte, get
a little cappuccino. And I just think that
'cause I'm not doing that, my calories have gone down. So yeah, so Locke was
almost exactly right, but not anymore. Is there something--
okay Your dad does that annoys you? Locke gave me the very typical answer, which is, "Tell me he can't
wait till I have my own kids." Oh, that's another catchphrase from you. Which again, is we have so many
stereotypical conversations, like will be in the middle of something and I'm like, this is a conversation that I have seen take place
in media, television and film. And I never thought that we would get here that you would be doing
the very teenage thing. And I would be doing the very dad thing and literally saying with meaning, man, I can't wait to you
have your own children. But you just want grandkids that's really what you mean, right? Yeah, exactly. Man, isn't that a weird thought? Us having grandchildren. Man, I get weirded out
thinking about my kids, like Lily having a child. It's just gonna be... I think that's when I'm gonna fill old. I think that's what's gonna do it. But grandad status. Man, I don't know if this survey is making me feel a little old, is making you feel very trope-ish. Lily said it annoys her
when I chew really loudly, that's no surprise. Oh, you wish you to put
that as your answer. Lando wants a normal person.
Lando wants to change his answer. Lincoln said it annoys him when I make him do his crap for him. Well, I don't make him do my crap, like moving the trash cans around or like washing some of the dishes or like turning off a light, that's not my crap. It's just the crap, it's all of our crap that I'm the only one who seems to care about besides Christy. It's like, why is that my crap? Yeah, the idea is that we're trying to get them to
understand that it's their crap. Unless he was talking--
Again. About this survey which-- I can't wait until--
To share-- They have their own kids. Yeah. Lando says it annoys him when I... He says, "when he tells me," quote, "another way to do things." Yeah, I get that. He'll be doing something
and I'll swoop in and say, I try not to say, let me
tell you the right way or the perfect way or the
best way or a better way. I just tried to say another way. Apparently that technique doesn't work. Okay, I'm taking the note. I don't know how to take this note because Shepherd said,
"his farts smell real bad." What do you expect?
I mean, yeah, I'm just a human. And by the way, last time I checked, Shepherd smell worse than mine. Maybe he's projecting. Yeah, when all you eat--
I dunno what the boy is. is roll balls and Pringles chips. Your farts tend to smell a little odd. Yeah, I don't know, I mean... In fact, many times, I'll
come into the room and say, did you just fart? And he's like, "How did you know?" I was like, well, because
I can smell it son. He's like, "Yeah, it was
like seven minutes ago, dad." I was like, well, that's
technically just farted in my book. Oh, really? If a fart lingers for
seven minutes, then.. It shouldn't be more than four really. I think you got to alter your diet if it lingers more than four minutes. Okay.
It just needs to kinda... Now if you're crawling on the floor, it's gonna settle there, and it's gonna stink for
at least eight minutes down there and like,
down there at the floor, 'cause that their heavy.
Is that what happens to farts?
Yeah, hot farts kinda they go up and then they kinda come down, and they just form like a nice fog. So, I wouldn't crawl a little. It's the opposite of smoke.
But I thought, methane goes up. Does it?
I'm making this up. Actually, I don't know
methane may go down. But I think it goes up
'cause it's a greenhouse gas. Okay, do you think the
relationship your dad has with your dog is weird? Shepherd said, "No, because
if he has a weird relationship "with Barbara then I probably do too, "although his is a little extreme." Oh, okay, he's taking into account how all this reflects on him. I think the thing is that
everybody in my family, I mean, Locke said,
"Slightly," but everyone in my family has a very
similar relationship to Barbara and that there's lots of baby talk. There's lots of kissing, there's lots of Barbara licking
people's mouth sometimes-- Yeah.
The inside of their mouths. Oh gosh.. That's what the
McLaughlin's do, we don't-- You don't close your mouth
when you kiss your dog. We're part of the pack,
we're part of the pack. I think for the same reasons
Lily and Lincoln said, "Nah," "no," Lando said, "a little." It's a little weird, my
relationship with Jade. See, we tried to get
some compliments here. What's your dad's best trait? Lincoln did not answer this,
Lily gave a backhanded answer. She said, "He's pretty
smart for a YouTuber." And of course, Lando--
That's good. Who actually loves me. He said, "He cares for
me," but then he clarified, "not meaning that he takes care of me." And weird, 'cause he's
like having another child in the house, it's not
like you're actually-- Yeah, I--
Yeah, I care about him, but I'm --- Christy cares for him. Christy cares for him, yeah, that's right. Christy is actually raising him, you're just being his friend. Shepherd said... What's your dad's best trait? "He can make anyone laugh." So, I'll take that. That's thoughtful. And then Locke gave the 16
year old version of that, "Comedy." he just said.
Comedy. Comedy. Best trait is comedy.
I just said comedy. If you had to choose one person in your family be stranded on a deserted island with and survive, who would you pick and why? I'm gonna say what I think your kids said, and you tell me what
you think my kids said. Okay. I mean, all this apocalyptic
and post apocalyptic and survival talk. I do believe that that
translates from our conversations and also carries over into
your home conversations 'cause things are arriving at your door and you got to explain yourself, and you're probably proud of it. So, I think the kids know that you got like some
prepping tendencies. I just think they would
both choose you even though Jessie's the only one with enough valor to stay all night in the tent. True. Well, Locke actually chose Shepherd, which I thought this was sweet because he said, "Shepherd
because we would never "run out of things to talk about." Kinda threw up on under the bus, but how do that make you feel? But Shepherd said, "my dad
because he has the most "meat on his bones and
experience in life." So he would eat you? Yeah, well, he would take
advantage of my experience, and then when I expired, he would eat me. So he's definitely thinking. Yeah, he's a smart kid. Let's see what your kids-- What do you think they said? I can't see your kids picking one another. I think your kids picked a parent. I think Lando picked Christy, and then your teenagers picked you. Lando said Lincoln. Whoa, okay. "Because I want him to be like Kenny. "He never will be though." Now Kenny, the first season of "Survivor" that we watched to season 17, and there was this
professional video gamer is what they called him, competitive gamer named Kenny. And he turned out to be
a conniving survivalist until he got a little cocky. So for some reason, Lando thinks
that Lincoln's got that in. Lincoln pickes me. He said, "Because he has
some survival skills." I mean, we've been camping. So, I feel like when we go camping, it does all hinge on me. I'm not as helpless as one might think. Lily said, "Probably my dad," pum! Because I feel like he remembers the most from that show "Man vs. Wild." Yeah, back in the day, this is like--- Everything that you know is from that-- Six years ago, we did go
through a little stint of watching "Man vs. Wild." And we talked about it occasionally. I don't remember any of it. So, she's gonna be crushed. Okay, this is an interesting one. Who do you think is your
dad's favorite child and why? Now. Again, this is definitely not true. I will say that. But Locke has this perspective. He's like, he literally says all the time. "Why does Shepherd get away with that? "I would have never gotten away with that. "Why do you let him do that?" So, that's a very common thing. So, his answer was "Shepherd
because it's obvious." And I think that there is
something to the second child getting away with more
than the first child. And 'cause that's why you're kind of like, I don't know, we tried really
hard to get you to do things. And I mean, it didn't necessarily work. And so, we're a little bit more
relaxed with the second one. And so, there's a bunch of
resentment from the older child. Again, very common thing. Is interesting, I actually feel like Lily gets away with more
or in this household, especially in this environment, where it's like me trying to get the kids to do my crap, like chores. I think Lily is the one
if I'm totally honest, that I let off the hook the most, because she provides the most, I'll just call it feedback. Whereas the boys they'll be more resigned to what they're doing and like washing the dishes or something. It won't be discussed and commentary on why they have something better to do or something that they need to do or there's not as much resistance. But what did the kids say? Lando thinks that Lincoln is my favorite. Because he's quiet. And my oh, that's a good point. That's a good point, I don't know, maybe he is my favorite. I am fond of the quiet. Lincoln thought that his favorite was... He said, "Me because I'm the most like him." And I think Lincoln and I, I mean, at his age, I was quiet too. Of course, I was the only child, and I just didn't have anybody to talk to, if a tree falls in the
forest, and no one's there. Yeah, I do think we're a lot alike, I mean, we have very
similar sense of humor in the type of jokes that we crack, in the expressions we make, the way that our face looks
when we express ourselves. Like there's a lot, we
see a lot of each other, and people point that out a lot. So, that's two votes for Lincoln. And then Lily said that
my favorite was Jade. "I don't think an
explanation is necessary." So, two votes for Linc and one vote Jade. Yeah, Shepard said, "Barbara,"
with no explanation. And of course, Lando, Imma go on record since
you're sitting here, I'll say, of course,
you're my favorite man. Because you're here, and
the other two can't hear me. You know that, but you
are my favorite sometimes. Sometimes, it shifts, right? Yeah, is whoever's with the program. Right, whoever is most with the program. That's how you dish out your love. I mean, Lincoln and I are a lot alike, Lando melts my heart the most, and Lily and I have a lot of fun together. So, I think... I mean, it does move. But I'm not gonna say that
I don't have a favorite. Like, parents will say,
why don't have a favorite. I'd rather be more honest
and say he jumps around. Well, that's not really
having a favorite though. That's just being in a better-- Like, what's your favorite song? Your favorite song can
change from week to week. Depends on what I'm doing. That's right.
Yeah, but that to me, that's another way of saying, I don't have a favorite. No, because I feel actively like, oh, you're definitely my favorite, I'd have thoughts like that in certain moments. Yeah, I don't go there. Maybe because I've got two, and it feels too
competitive between the two. If I were to do that, you got three so it feels like you can
kinda move it around. Do you think your dad is old? Point blank question. Brace ourselves for the brutal responses. Dude, I didn't get a lot here. Shepherd said, "Kinda," and Locke said, "he's getting there." Yeah, Lando said, "No,
you're mean to ask that." Lincoln said, "Almost," and Lily said, "nah." So, I feel pretty good
with this scorecard, could have been a lot worse on this front. Yeah.
No one came forward and said we were old. Well, I mean, my kids... So, it was getting there-- Getting nearly--
Kind of. But you're not there yet. Right.
Maybe we'll never get there. Okay, I thought this was interesting because I have gone on record is talking about my favorite
color and not having one. What is your dad's favorite color? Shepard said, "When I was a little,
I repeatedly asked him "and got I like all the
colors multiple times." So he grilled you, and .
Well, the funny thing is like, I don't think that I ever said specifically I like all the colors. What I said is that I take issue with the question of what your favorite color is, kind of like what's your favorite child? It depends on what we're
doing, it depends on, if it's like what I'm wearing. It's like, well, what else am
I wearing? Where am I going? What kind of room am I in? So, I've gone on the
record is just saying gray is my favorite color. Because it feels like it's just
all the colors put together. But for some reason, Locke
has not picked up on this. And he just said, "Green." He say green. It's a strange world that we
live in when you feel like you need to go on the
record about something like what's your favorite color? It's like we said things over time, and then we have mythical
beast who kinda track what we say and how our
stories morph over time and things like that. So, that's kind of part
of what you mean, right? It's like, well, I'm on
record, saying that I'm gray. So, now I gotta stick with that. And before Shepherd says you're on record, all the colors, very inclusive. Yeah, but I think that's
his interpretation of my actual philosophy. I don't have a favorite color, Unapologetically, my
favorite color is blue, which Lando knows, and in Lincoln knows. Lily has no clue what's what she said. Never talked about it. I don't think she value, she's like you, she doesn't value favorite colors. Yeah, color is subjective literally. That reminds me though, I was watching... I can't remember what it was. I was watching some reality show where there was some kinda
dating element to it. And it was one of those things where they were showing an
interview with the woman and she was saying like, "He's such a great conversationalist," and then they cut to the
footage, and the guy was like, "what's your favorite color?" Now it's like, this woman is starved for a great conversation,
if she thinks what's... Don't ever ask what's your
favorite color on a date. Like don't do that. I think a lot of people--
Don't answer that question. Would determine whether a
question is a good question if they have a good answer. So, maybe she had like
a really amazing answer. Well, what's a good
answer besides a color? I mean, at least it's an opportunity for me to give my philosophy
on color choosing, but I still don't think
it's a good question. No, you could paint a word
picture you could say, the delicate, changing of the colors of the maple leaves in early fall, when the sun is setting in the west, as it always does, and I am dozing off for a nice little nap in the wood. Yeah, well, that's a good answer. But I'm saying that the
question is a red flag. Not that this episode is
about dating questions. But we were telling our kids the story of our engagement, which
we've told them before, but like sometimes we go back through and tell them the story of our engagement. And we're telling this original story, which sets up being at the Macaroni Grill, you know the whole story. So, we're talking about
the first conversation, like extended conversation
that we ever had. And then Jessie was talking about how I was asking all these questions. And then she talked about
how one of the questions I asked was, if you
could have a superpower, what would it be? And 2020... In 2020, I don't think
that's a good question, like dating has changed, but in 1998 that was a pretty good question. But you got to update your question game. You know what I'm saying? Like people were just starting to ask like the superpower question 20 years ago, you can't be breaking out
the superpower question on a date, much less the
favorite color question. You gotta get new questions. Right like if you trim your toenails, and then you realize you need
to trim your fingernails, do you start trimming your toenails and start trimming your fingernails and then go back to your toenails? Do you finish your toenails and then go to your fingernails
or do you wait until later? So, that some of that
toenail gunk can just kinda mellow out before you hit your fingers? I don't know, that's first
date material maybe third. What is your favorite
memory with your dad? You're asking me this? Sure. What's your favorite with your dad? That's a different like an episode. My dad took me to a Travis
Tritt concert one time. We'll do that later. And George Jones came on the screen and sang the "Star Spangled Banner." That was at Walnut Creek Amphitheatre. Pretty cool. Which question did you say
favorite memory with your dad? What's your favorite memory with your dad? Oh, Lando say, "Kidspace." That's when we went and we were climbing up
in that thing, right? Yeah, I thought about
that as like a highlight of the year, year before last. I'm glad you remembered
that, thank you son. Lincoln's favorite memory with
my dad, he did not answer. I mean, this is page two--
Makes you feel good. Yeah, I know page two of the survey-- You did wake him up. You woke him up this morning. Lily said her favorite memory was, "Watching Supernatural," which is a show that she was very into at the
time, "when we were on tour." Yeah, I mean, Lily just love. She talks about it all the time about, last summer when Lincoln
and Lily went on tour, she talks about that all the time. And then there was one time when I think we were staying
in a hotel room one night. And I was like, tell me
about this "Supernatural," and so I got into the show with her. She was kind of explaining, she would show me one of
her favorite episodes, and she kinda explaining it to me. You still into it? No, but I do understand why she's into. Shepherd said, "Us going bike
riding when I was little." And, he didn't pick a specific time. It's just that, I guess me
teaching him how to ride a bike, which happened in California. And then Locke said, "Hiking Raven Rock." Really.
So, this is going all the way back to North Carolina, which I honestly did not really remember that I had taken them down to Raven Rock, past Lillington. I guess we hiked it a couple of times. I'd love to go back there man. He had to be like five
years old at the time. Oh, cool spot, a lot of good memories. I'd love to go back make that hike once we can do that-- Well the interesting thing about this is this is one of my favorite
memories with my dad is... And we would go all the time, it was very regular thing.
To Raven? Yeah.
Oh, cool. He would be like... Like after church on a Sunday he'd be like, "Let's go to Raven Rock." And we go and we walked down to the rock. It was like a mile hike--
Walk back up. Through the woods and then all of a sudden you get to this ledge
and there's a whole rock that then you can... They built stairs that
you walk down the stairs on the rock space.
A hundred stairs. Are safe and then--
Wood stairs. You're down at the Cape Fear River. And an amazing rock formation.
It's awesome. I mean they are truly amazing, like overhanging rock formation. This is also my specific
favorite memory from Raven Rock was when my dad took us
down to the fish traps, which is the longer path that takes you down to the upper rapids. Right.
And he threw me into the river to teach me
how to swim in the river. I just got up next to the river and there was a little chute,
little wrap in the chute and the rapid kind--
Really. Just like picked me up
and just threw me in there and I just washed down the river. Which is not necessarily something I would do with my children now, but it's probably one of the reasons I like swimming in the river. That's cool. What is the most stereotypical dad thing that your dad has done recently? Lando said, "Take the ice
cream at night and eat it." So, we've been getting special
Ben and Jerry's flavors, and they've been monitoring closely how much is left in each one, and sometimes they'll go to grab it and they'll be like, just
a little thin layer left. And they knew there was
more than half before 'cause I snuck in at a night before, and I ate some. I do that, I own that. I mean, it's ice cream in the freezer. What am I supposed to do? let somebody else eat the last of it? I'll eat all of it except a little bit and then hey, you at least get a taste. That doesn't strike me as
a stereotypical dad thing, that's sort of like a teenager thing, like eating the last of something
and leaving a little bit. That's something my teenager would do. Okay. Lincoln did not answer, he was really running out
of steam at this point. Apparently, he was already
on and off. And Lily said, "Organize the garage." That is my domain. I'm due to get another organization. It's piling up in there. Shepherd said, "I can't really think of one "but I think being a dad "is a pretty stereotypical dad thing." Having children I love the way his mind works-- you're dad.
Locke said, "Talk about his knee tendinitis," which I really don't think
I've been talking about my knee tendinitis very much. I mean, I hurt my knee severely. So, okay there you go.
In January. Yeah, so talking about a general injury or start talking about
something that hurts, I guess that's a typical dad thing. And I do talk about things
hurting a lot because things do. It's part of it. Yeah.
Okay, What is one thing you've
always wanted to ask your dad. Again, Lincoln was out by this point. Lily said, "What is the real reason "you drink smoothies out of mugs?" I did not know this really annoyed her. The reason is 'cause it's already dirty, and it's stable to pour stuff into it without the glass tipping over. I mean, I have lots of
reasons for everything-- Is stable.
That I do. Lando wanted to ask, "why did you fart, "when you do?" When you do. If he had his way out I would never fart. And I'm just... And it's my house too. Yeah. So why do I fart when I do--
Do you guys-- 'Cause I have a fart to fart. Do you guys fart audibly
in front of each other? I do, Lincoln does, that's it. Nobody else does. Really? Yeah, everyone in my house does. There are different types of households. And I guess there's a spectrum 'cause you're kinda in the middle, and you've got almost
half do and half don't. I love it. Shepherd said... The one thing he's always
wanted to ask me was, "Why can't we get another dog?" Well, he's asked me that many times. So, I guess he's just putting
it in here for one more go. And this is very interesting from Locke. Do you actually like the way beans taste? Oh, yeah. Which this is getting at... This is an interesting thing, right? Because there is kinda what
you were getting at before, which is when you live your life as a form of entertainment for people, you say things and you do things, you say and you do things for show. So, I've talked about
how my hatred of cats, I mean, I'm a dog person,
and I don't want a cat and I don't particularly like cats. But a hatred of cats is
something that came from A hard take.
Being in character. Yeah. And so I don't hate cats. But it's fun to make
people think you hate cats because they get their panties in a wad and it's entertaining to me. All right, so is that true for beans? Are you back to Locke word? You don't like the taste of beans? No, I do love the taste of beans. And--
Really? I love the taste of beans. Do you have any idea how
many beans I've eaten and how many beans I've
made during this time? Okay, hey, I think we're
all happy to hear it. On Saturday, I made a giant pot of beans and most of my family eats
them as well, it's not just me. But no, I do like the taste
of beans legitimately. I like to taste the
beans, that's not an act, is not an act. Seems like Locke should know that though, If he lives with you. Seems a little suspicious. I found it interesting that he asked the question in that way. But it's true, I like beans. What is your dad's favorite
thing to do with his free time? Okay.
Locke had an interesting perspective on this, "Stress out about work." That's true.
So, that's his perspective is that I'm stressing out about work. Interestingly Shep said, "meditate/ work more. "He is like a working
machine, it's insane." Wow. They both think that you work a lot or worry about working a lot. And it's funny because
I think that they... 'Cause I've been at home. Yeah. There's no real work day anymore. And so even on the weekends sometimes I'll be like writing
something or doing something. And a lot of times you're like,
"Hey, dad, "can we do this? "Or do you wanna do this?" And I'm like, hold on, let me finish this, or I got to do this right now. And I think they're just
getting this perspective that he's always working. Which I do work probably
more than I should. Lando said my favorite thing to do in my free time was, "Nap." Lincoln said, my favorite thing
to do in my free time was, "Sit in the hammock." And then Lily said, favorite thing to do in my free time was, "Sleep outside on the swing." So--
So, my kids think that I work a lot and your kids think that you sleep a lot. Yeah. What does that tell you? Probably tells you something that I didn't want you to know which is I sleep a lot. When you're thinking about work, I'm swinging and sleeping. Sorry man, sorry man. You know what, keep it up,
don't change the thing. It's cool, great.
No, I won't. Okay, and now finally.
Okay, last question. If you could pick one celebrity to play your dad in a movie,
who would it be and why? Lincoln and Lily bowed out on this one. This is the Holy Grail,
this is their opportunity to really let me have it. Are you hearing that
Nicolas Cage is gonna play the "Tiger King?"
"Tiger King." Yeah.
I hope that's true. I hope it's true. I hear both, he'll be great. Lando said, "I would pick Hannah Gatsby." The Kiwi stand up comedian who had the Netflix special. He said, "Because her hair is like dad's" Your youngest son picked a woman to play you. I mean, he's getting on the
Rachel Maddow bandwagon, but he's taking it up a notch. But no, no, here's the thing, Lando does not have it in
himself to insult anyone. So, he's not doing this as a joke. He's doing this as his honest take is that Hannah Gatsby
would make a great Link. You know what, that's great, you know what?
It's great. I watched a little bit of the special and then we got distracted by something. I never went back to it but I will take it as a sincere complement. Well, this would be an
interesting set if Hannah Gatsby did play you because
Locke said, "Jason Momoa." Oh gosh. Go to your magic.
Jason Momoa. Jason Momoa and Hannah Gatsby.
Hannah Gatsby. That's a bon coming. Shep said, " Link because it would be interesting." So, Shepard likes the
idea of us doing something where you play me and I
guess I would then play you. No, I will play you and
Hannah Gatsby will play me. That's the take. Well, then that would just
be twins like Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's wasn't though,
there's no irony in that. That's not the point in that movie, but I
have not seen that movie, so I don't know--
It will be twins-- if it's true.
Without irony. Yeah.
I don't know if twins holds up, so I can't say,
I would suggest that. So, what did you learn here?
What did you know? I mean, our kids... I think our kids are much more
a level ahead than we are. Some of them were wise enough to know that they didn't need to fill
out all these questions in order to win our love, they
know that it's conditional. And that may not be the best fathers, but we love them unconditionally. We love them with everything we've got. Actually, I didn't get any
of that from the survey. I'm just trying to project. I would say that I didn't... I mean, I didn't learn anything groundbreaking. My suspicion that my kids pick up on things like the trope-ish dad things. Yeah. Those are the things that loom large in their memory. So, I need to be less trope-ish. I think I'm gonna make a short and says get with the program. That's good, I like that. Okay, thank you to our
kids for filling that out. I'm gonna close with a wreck. And I'm going to wreck
Mike McHargue's book. Yes.
"You're a Miracle "and a Pain in the Ass:
Embracing the Emotions, Habits, "and Mystery That Make You You." Now, you know we had
science Mike McHargue, our really good friend on GMM recently for the leaving things in citric acid. And, both of us talked
extensively about his book on our social medias. Because... I'm not exaggerating, and
I'm not just saying this because Mike is a
friend, but this book is, I think very timely, given the fact that there's an opportunity for
introspection right now, you're spending a lot of time
Well, with ourselves is a lie.
With yourself. You're always with--
With yourself. Yourself but you're not... We're sitting with ourselves a lot more. And I think things are
coming up, it's like what? Why am I feeling this? Why am I acting this way? And a lot of those questions are answered in a benevolent way, so
you can be kind to yourself as you begin to understand--
Yeah. Parts of yourself that
you didn't previous. I mean, the one of the reasons I love Mike and I love this book is he approaches things with
like diligently researched scientific standpoint and it's not... There's no whoo in this is, it is like, this is stuff that is factual and true. It's not some fluffy self-help thing. It's like, this is what
science tells us about people. And this is how those facts
about people and humanity translate into you and your tendencies, both good and bad. And it's extremely compassionate
and non-judgmental. I think, you could reading a book, understand why you're a pain your own ass, it could be indicting, but
he has a great way of it. And this is who he is, as a person, it's like, he's loving and accepting it. And that translates into
how you process yourself, which is very powerful. And a lot of times you don't know that you're a pain in the ass to yourself. You're just mad, you're
mad at everybody else, you're mad at yourself. And you haven't even
stopped a process like, oh, if I take a one step back
and get perspective on this, that anger a lot of times
will just kinda melt away when you gain perspective. So, get it wherever books are sold. "You're a Miracle and a Pain in the Ass." It's also on Audible, read by Mike. He's got a good soothing voice. So, it's a great audible listen as well. All right, #EarBiscuits. Let us know if you wanna also conduct this survey with your own kids. Or if you don't have kids, you could, somebody else that is
meaningful in your life. It's a fun exercise. So, I invite you to think
about doing that yourself. Maybe we can post... We could post a link to these questions that people can print it off for the kids in their lives. Yeah, let's do that. All right, we will see you next week. To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous
episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left. And don't forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it's available on all your
favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical beast.
