Welcome to "Ear Biscuits." Where, what's the, I don't know what the next word is, just give me that word, just a hint. The podcast. Oh the. Give me a hint as to what
we're doing right now. Welcome to "Ear Biscuits," the podcast. We're two lifelong friends, talking about life for a long time. I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week, at our round table
of slightly brighter dim, maybe even I'd say just--
Normal. Normal lighting.
Yeah. We're gonna be talking
about your biggest regrets. And ours. Hashtag no regrets! We're not gonna leave
anything on the table. Is that, we're gonna
leave it all on the table. What's the saying? You leave it on the floor. You leave things on the floor, and you put things on the table. Leave it on the field. Yeah, yeah, if you're playing football, you leave it on the field, if you're playing basketball,
you leave it on the floor. Poker, leave it on the table. Leave it on the table, I don't know. You put it on the table. We're gonna flop it out
and slam it on the table, and we're gonna leave it there, and we're not gonna regret it today. Cause regrets can be a downer, but I don't think it has to be. We ask you to tell us
what your regrets were, and BriUendo said, what, I mean, is that BriUendo, whatever, "I regret nothing in life, "if I hadn't done the things I did, "I wouldn't be where I am now. "No need to regret anything, "just learn from it and move on." And then Ateriese on
Twitter replied and said "I second that statement. "I think people spend too
much time dwelling in the past "and it wastes so much
time in the present. "All it does is lead to
more regret down the road." Okay, well let's just-- I guess you're not gonna
listen to this podcast. Well, I was just gonna
say let's pack it up, let's go do something. We might regret not having a conversation. You remember how sometimes we used to just go see a movie? Remember those days? On a workday? Yeah. Like, we could do it because we had time, and also you could go
to the movie theater. Yeah, neither one of those things is available at this point. But, so, we should do this podcast. Yeah, I don't wanna regret not doing it. But I, listen, I sympathize with this. We talked about, I don't know, many different times we've told the story of
how, well we did this, and it lead to, you know, make a decision to do something because
it'll lead to something else. Everything that we've ever really done was never according to the
original plan or intention, very little of it. Well, I think what BriUendo is saying, or at least the way I interpret, if you're happy with where you are, you wouldn't want, you
really can't regret things because if you changed it, it may have a ripple effect that you wouldn't end
up being where you are. So you might as well just say a regret is just a learning opportunity. So I just think we're just using those terms interchangeably. A regret is something that, if presented with the same situation now-- You learned a lesson. We would, you'd do something differently. Yeah. I mean do you have something in mind? No, well, yes. So, when I think about,
like, professional things, or relational things, I don't
entertain the possibility of regrets in those areas, I've made a lot of mistakes in both areas, but because I'm happy where
I'm at professionally, and I'm happy where I'm at relationally I wouldn't want it to be any different. Just like what you were just saying. So I tend to think, when
I think about regrets, I they're very personal, they're just things that are just like, it's just you bro, it was up to you, and you didn't do it, but it wouldn't have
affected anything else. I know that's not how time works, I've seen back to the
future, all three parts. And, did you hear there's
a fourth part coming out? No, there's not. Ha! You're getting it confused
with "Bill and Ted." So I think my, the thing that comes to mind for me is my health. Oh are you gonna get in, I thought you were just gonna tease it. Oh. Go for it, talk about your health. I mean you gonna talk
about your back again, every time we turn around
you're talking about your back. I'm not gonna talk about it much. Is there something in your mouth? Yeah.
What's your problem? I think I got something out of my mustache and then it went in my mouth. Why you getting it out? I'll tease what mine is. And then I think I just swallowed it. It happens a lot when you've
got facial hair like this. I regret the review that I wrote on Airbnb for the place that I stayed on my vacation that I talked about last episode. I wrote the review yesterday. How much time do you have to write a review after the thing? It's, I don't, they kept prompting me, you need to do this, you need to do this. And I was like, okay I'll do it. So I just did it. And then when I got home
last night I was thinking, man I gotta think about my regret, and then I couldn't come
up with anything at all, no regret came to my mind. It was just like I've lived a whole life, it's like why isn't anything coming to me, I guess that's a good sign, but then all of the sudden,
a few minutes later, I realized that I was actively regretting the review that I wrote. Well I'm looking forward to hearing it. My wife just wrote the
review for our Airbnb. Do you regret not writing it yourself? No.
So what's your health? Just, it took me until in my late 30s before I actually began to do the things for my back that help it, right? Yeah. Cause, you know, I hurt
my back on vacation, I'm 98% now, and it's been just a week since I hurt it, right? You know, you remember all those times where I would hurt my back, and I would be out for
like the whole summer. Yeah, I had to pull so much extra weight. Yeah, we would have meetings
and I would be on my back. So if I had of done that when-- I do my best work horizontal. In my 20s, who knows
what would be the case. And also, therapy. But here's the thing, I wasn't ready for therapy. I wasn't ready for
therapy until I was ready. So I guess I don't have any regrets. I wish I had dealt with some of the things that I'm dealing with, but-- This is still kind of nebulous for you. But I don't see how I
would have gotten to it. You know what I'm saying? I wasn't ready to get to those things. I, more regret started flooding in for me. I think I am the type of guy who's like, I mean, the one that came to my mind that I've already shared
on "Ear Biscuits," is when I decided to respond to the texts to the friend who we fell
out of touch with each other. Yeah, you should regret that. And then I, like, wrote
this long text back, and you know, I read it, and then I've already
talked about that one. That was definitely a regret. If I had to do that again, I wouldn't have written that text, I would have written
something differently. We've already been through that. Right, but I feel like I
need a 15 second summary, which was that guy was reaching out to you just to say, hey, haven't
seen you in a while, and you responded with I
don't wanna be friends. I don't have room for you in my life. Right, you shut down the
potential friendship. I wish I did, but I don't. And then, the update there, he was like, I mean there
was some back and forth, and I gave the whole thing
in an "Ear Biscuit," right, so I just can't go
through all of it again. You can find it amongst the forums. But I don't think I gave the update, Christy and I were out on a date, and then Christy went to the bathroom, and she comes back to the table, and she says guess who's over at the bar, and it was him, he was
at the bar with a friend, turns out he has another friend. Good. He wasn't just hanging everything on me, or at least he certainly got
the message to get another one. He got that friend after
you sent him that text. And I'm like crap, what do I do, Christy? And she's like well just
go over and talk to him, you know, that was in the past, and I went over and I was like-- And don't say anything about the text. Right, Link? You don't wanna rehash it. Hopefully she did not tell
you that, or you didn't. I can't remember exactly-- Because you're the guy
that will send the text, but you're also the guy
that will talk about the text the next time you see them. I regret it so much I wish
I wouldn't have sent that. I don't think I said any of that to him. I have a hard time remembering, because very quickly he
graciously changed the subject and was just having a normal conversation, introducing me to his friend, and it was over, but I still regret it. I mean, I had, okay I'll share the Airbnb because I was like, man, I
wish I wouldn't have sent that. The place was, in the title it was called, it had the word luxury. Uh oh, okay, that's promising something. I was looking for a place near the beach. There's not, you can't
find a whole lot of them, especially with the time
frame that I was looking, and it was so-- Yeah, close to departure. It was close to the time of departure. So I found this place. I mean, everything was great about it, you know, I talked about it last week, but in their description
it was like, luxury, beach, you know, walk to the beach,
that was like the title. And, so my review was, we really enjoyed the place, it was really well appointed, it was really well decorated. But.
I'm paraphrasing. I love the open floor plan. Sure, talk about the open floor plan. We really enjoyed it because it allowed our family to enjoy being together, eating, and playing games, and there wasn't, I liked the fact that there wasn't a television in the main room because it made it where screens
weren't a constant fight, but that there was another TV room that we could enjoy. And the kids particularly
enjoyed the keyboard. I'm like leaving, I don't know why, I just started leaving
all these things in. To be this detailed? Because I would have liked
to know this information. Oh, the TVs in a different room, but there's also a keyboard in there. And the open floor plan-- You mean you can control
the TV with a keyboard? Like one of those keyboard remotes? No, it was just a keyboard. Oh, like a piano? Like a piano.
Okay. They enjoyed the piano. I think you should go
back and edit the review. Oh gosh. And in parenthesis put,
I'm talking about a piano. Cause I thought, like, when you said TV and then the keyboard. I think I said something
like, my musically minded kids particularly enjoyed the keyboard. I was saying things like this. You're one of those guys, man? Well, I was just thinking everything that I wish I would've known that when I read all
the reviews, they were, they were, "Oh I'll come
back, it's a great place. "The backyard is amazing. "The pictures don't do it justice." That's the kinds of
things people were saying. Yeah. Luxury. And I said, new paragraph, so that
was the first paragraph. Oh this is multi paragraphs. Second paragraph was about that backyard, cause that's where all my
high expectations were. And I said, the backyard was, I said something like it
was a haven of relaxation, I said something like that. I said, and it was beautiful, however--
It was not luxury. There was a second property
in the back corner of the lot. And there was dude in the window like looking at you like
this the whole time. So you don't, you didn't have a sense of-- Privacy. Complete privacy. Yeah. You couldn't, and this is me writing, you couldn't see, the entrance
to that house on the lot was not visible to us, and you couldn't see in the
windows, and vice versa. Well, then what's the problem? It's a wall? You think Superman's on
the other side of it. I don't understand. There were windows, and they open up. So you could, I could see
like a ceiling fan turning, and I could tell that there was people, and I was like, that probably explains why they place such an emphasis on quiet hours in the outside beginning at eight o'clock. I think that's a case in
many Airbnbs at the beach because we had people on both sides in the same way. Yeah, I had people on both sides, they had neighbors.
Like four feet away. But listen, there was a fence, and so there was a sense
of this is my space, and I'm going out here to
enjoy this lush, luxury, of these trees, it was beautiful. Your wife put it on Instagram, I saw it. She put it on Instagram, yeah. And there's like an outdoor seating area. She seemed happy. She's like, taking a nap out there. But I just felt, no one had mentioned in any of the reviews that there was another property on the lot. And the guy in the window. You couldn't see the front door, but you could see the windows, you couldn't see anyone
through the windows, and they couldn't see you, but I knew there were people in there, and it just, you don't have
a sense of complete privacy. And that's all I said. Do you know why no one
else mentioned this? And then I went to my third paragraph, and I said some things about. I guess you're not gonna answer. I'm coming back to it. I said, the walk to the beach was a little farther than I anticipated, and you had to cross a railroad track. Okay, well, let me, cause, let me just guess, because when I see walk to the beach, or
short walk to the beach. Yeah, I don't think you have
to cross a railroad track. Well railroad track doesn't impact the timing unless there's a train, right? Yeah. And then at that point, all bets are off. Especially if it's--
I never saw a train. A freight train, and
not a passenger train, cause those are extra long. Sometimes so long you're like
when did trains get so long. I never saw a train, I
didn't write about that. Okay, so railroad track, not a problem, it's just a feature that
you can walk across. For me it's about the timing. Anything longer than 10 minutes is not a short walk to the beach. I feel like five minutes is like, five minutes is like
you're almost on the beach. I think it said like, 12
minute walk to the beach. Oh, it gave you the minutes? Did you time it? No. You're complaining about
it, it gave you the time. I never walked it, it was too far. And I just, I didn't meet my expectations. Hold on, you can't say-- But I said, but I did drive. You can't say the walk is
farther than I expected when you told me it was 12
minutes is what I should expect. If they put the time in there, you can't be mad about that. If they said short walk to the beach and then it was 12 minutes, I'm like buddy, that's over
the 10 minute threshold. They said, just like 12
minute walk to the beach. That's not luxury. It was longer than 12 minutes is really what I'm getting at. And I put you gotta cross a train track, some people may care about that. I doubt it. And so I think I'm being really helpful, and I'm typing away, I'm typing away. And I'm like-- There's a train track,
there's a boy in the window who stares at you when you're
in the hammock in the back. I mean, there was a
trampoline way back there, and it was much closer to this property, and if you wanted to look
at my kid in a trampoline, you could peer out of the-- Well that goes both ways,
if you jump high enough you can look into their windows. It does go both ways,
and I don't like that. You can get up and see
below the ceiling fan, and see the family at
the top of every jump. So, everything that I didn't read in any of the reviews I put in my review. And then I said-- You see that as your role. I, by the way, I'm not one of those people that leave reviews anywhere. That's why this is so entertaining to me. But I feel like, so I'm not good at it, apparently I did it all wrong, but I was detailed, and I wrote it for the
me that was coming next and I didn't wanna have any regrets. Ironically, thinking about it later, even though I closed the review with would love to stay here again. That's one of those reviews where was this review helpful, everyone's like no. It's like, cause I'm so confused, he's complaining about everything, but he wants to stay there again, I don't know how to take this. Well, so then, I regret, I started thinking about
the owners of the house, and how they probably set
up that other property back there in order to, they
had to make extra money, or maybe it was them
living in that other house, while we lived in their house, and they're just trying to make ends meet, and COVID, and nobody's
coming through the beach, and I started to feel really guilty and regret leaving this--
You should, yeah. Anal, and detailed review of this place, and I think maybe I decimated
their business model. Now everyone's gonna see, well there's another
property in the backyard, I'm not gonna stay here. It doesn't have a sense
of complete privacy. Don't give yourself that much credit. How many other reviews were
there on this property? 44. Oh, no, you made no impact. I went and looked at my review, cause I just wanted to
read the review to you. They haven't posted it yet. It's not on there. So now I feel even worse. No, no, here's the deal. Cause Jessie, literally, right before we started
recording this podcast, because I asked her, posted
the review for our Airbnb. Yes. You know what I'm saying. I just took something out,
I don't know what it was. That's a place where you
just have air and breakfast. And she said, it's not posted yet. So I think there is some sort of like-- I think they have to review me too. Yeah. But I don't think they can see my review. I can't see their review, and they can't see my review
until they're both reviewed. Yeah, blindness, mutual blindness. But then I told Christy,
she was like no, this is, I mean it might have been
a little too detailed, but I think if people
are interested in it, they'll be interested in it, if not, they'll think that
you're a crazy person. When they see three or four paragraphs they'll stop reading. I love that. When I'm renting a place for like a week, and I'm taking my family, I wanna know there's a railroad track. I wanna know-- Do you know how many reviews there were on the house that we rented? I don't, no. Why would I even guess, does it matter? One.
One? There was one review. Now, I told Jessie, I was like-- That's risky. I was like, I don't feel good about, it was a five star review, and it was one of these places that they've just started renting it. Written by the cousin of the owner. And I'm like, never should do this, you should never stay at a place, you should never be the guinea pig. But again, it was late notice, we kind of planned this vacation, where we were gonna go. I was like, okay, let's just
bite the bullet and do it. And then we had a number
of things that we were, I told you last week. The hot tub. I was upset about the hot tub. I didn't tell you about the mice. I don't wanna hear about the mice. Yeah, they were very-- It was crawling around? No, they were the most luxurious
mice you could imagine. Were they crawling on you
when you were sleeping? No. Were they on dishes that
you were going to use? They were only seen one time, and it was by Lock's friend
who's living with us. Again, the one that--
Chore boy. Yeah, he spots everything for us. He's also the mouse spotter. He saw the mouse, and we saw the poop, and Jessie was kind of
freaked out about that. They brought somebody
over to, like, set traps. It's like, okay, whatever. The bed was too soft and hurt my back, but I felt bad, like, you
can't complain about that, cause like, you can't be
like the bed's too soft, people will be like
what's wrong with you man? A lot of times you'll
see the bed's too hard. I thought about saying
the bed was too hard. But I didn't. So I was like you can't
say the bed is too soft. I chose my battles. That's my issue, I got a bad back. I'm not gonna be that unreasonable. Oh you got a bad back? Let's talk about that some more. But you know what else? I think the reason that your critique of the lack of privacy is the part that you should
regret, is because-- It was on the property. We had the same thing,
and there was a guy there. And it was, I knew it was the same house because it was on the same, like you go in the backyard, and then there's a house
that faces the other way, and it's the garage, which
we couldn't get into. But they had designed it in a way where there were no windows
facing into the yard. Like it was a completely blank wall, as if they thought, oh, there's gonna be other people back here, we want to have a sense of
privacy in the backyard. But the guy did come out a few times and like walk down to the trash can. And I just made eye contact with him, I didn't even, I didn't even nod. That's the beauty of, I prefer the Airbnbs when you never see the person who you're renting from. They just give you the code to the door, and you know, you communicate
with them over text. But I'm saying, that's a lot to ask. Yeah, it is. And that's why I regret it. It's a lot to ask. I mean, you gotta pay big money if you want that kind of privacy at the California, Southern
California beaches. Yeah, and I bet you that's
what they were saying. It's like gah, this guy, I hate this guy. Right. They hate you, they definitely hate you. But I'm going back. So I kind of regret that, I don't know. Oh, and when Jessie wrote the review. You think I should regret it? That seems to be your stance. No, I don't. I mean, I think you, if anything you should regret
the time that you took. I think the information
will be helpful to somebody. Oh it flowed like water. It didn't take long at all. I asked Jessie what she said about it, and she was like, I just said
it was a really nice house, with a couple of issues,
or something like that. But like. Well if you don't say the issues. Well she won't, I mean, she's not really responding
to my text right now, she must be busy. So I don't know if she regrets it or not. We're gonna get into your regrets, and maybe that will
give us more ideas about some of our regrets that we've had. But first, we're gonna tell
you a couple of things. We always tell you about Mythical.com, and you should go there and
get cool Mythical merch. Yeah, you've heard that before. But here's the new thing
that we're gonna tell you, and that is you're watching this, and if you're hearing
this you are watching it, cause we only do this part for those of you who watch on YouTube. Might you consider subscribing to this "Ear Biscuits" channel? You made it this far,
subscribe to the channel, click the bell. Yeah, subscribe and click the bell. It helps us out. You know, there's a whole
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do it as you're listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the cool part. Oh, thank you, you just did. Oh wow thank you. We felt that, oo when you
click that bell I feel it. Oo!
Click that bell again. No, don't click it again cause
you'll, just click it once. Click it an odd number of times. Odd number of times, yeah. Mythical.com, rep your boys. Regret. I'll just, I'll float a question out there that we don't have to answer, we can just kind of percolate on it. It is better to regret something you did or something you didn't do? Let's filter that through these. That's-- I guess it depends on what it is that it was that was to be done. I'm quoting the philosopher Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who was quoting lyrics from the band The Butthole Surfers in a
song called, "Deep Kick," where, you shouldn't let Flea sing. I will say that. Well, I have an answer, but I'll save it. Okay. This one, this regret-- I don't think there's a
correct answer, by the way. Is from Jany. Hi Jany.
Jany_c23 on Twitter. "My parents have been saving a rum bottle "since their wedding day to
open on their 25th anniversary." Okay, 25th anniversary. "One night, me and my ex
were at my house, alone, "and we drank almost the entire bottle." On purpose? "I had no idea it was from their wedding." Okay. "I've never owned up to it." Oh they don't know. So, which part does she regret? The drinking of it, or
the not owning up to it? Cause if she didn't know, she said I had no idea it
was from their wedding, it's just later she's like, you know, somebody drank our 25
anniversary rum, Jany, can you believe that? Or is it possible that rum evaporates when you get closer, like after 20 years? No, it doesn't evaporate in one night. Well, I think the answer
to that question is simple. You can regret something that you did not know was wrong
at the time, for sure. But you can't, you can feel, well, you can feel bad about it, but you can't blame
yourself if you didn't know. Yeah, I mean, if the liquor cabinet was free reign, and it was just that particular bottle choice, and you had no way of knowing. This is your parents fault. Should've had a label. This is your parents fault. If this bottle of rum--
Feeling bad, but. You shouldn't regret it. I understand your decision, unless there's something
you're not telling us. If you've got something
that is special to you, in any household, drink, food, like something that like, I am going to be mad if
someone else consumes this, and there is not a
preexisting agreement, like, everything on this shelf is mine. Cause there are a lot of
houses where roommates share fridges, and they
do the shelf system. So if there's not a predetermined system of claiming what's what, if it's not labeled, you
cannot get mad about it. And you don't, my 10 year
olds figured this out. There's Post It notes everywhere, you know, there's a Post It note on the mirror of his bathroom that says, "Don't use my towel, use your towel." And it's a note to Lincoln
cause they share a bathroom, and he gets mad cause Lincoln uses his-- Lando says that to Lincoln? Yeah, apparently Lincoln
uses the nearest hand towel, which is Lando's, not the one that's on the other
side that should be his. Uses the hand towel for what? His hands. Hold on, they have separate hand towels? Yeah. That's a Neal household. There's two sinks. Hold on.
It's the double sink. It's one thing to share, to not share a body towel, yeah don't go there. Hand towel. Lando made a Post It note, "Don't use my hand towel, use yours." What's he worried about
on Lincoln's hands? It's just damp. It's like you get up and
you want a nice, fresh. He wants a dry towel. You don't want it to be damp with somebody else's dampness. I think the thing you should regret, Jany, is not owning up to it. I mean, it was an honest mistake. There was no label. That's what's eating away at you, just the tension that
it's gonna be brought up, and you're gonna be found out. You're making yourself much
guiltier than you should be. And you know what? I relate, I relate. Well, here's the best thing
to do right now, Jany, cause I agree that you
need to own up to this. The simplest way to do that is just to send your parents this podcast episode. And there's, you know-- They're gonna have to
listen for quite a while. If you're a tech savvy person, you can do that thing where you link directly to the time code, whatever, and just send it to them. And hey, thank you for
joining us Janet's parents. We're sorry about what your daughter did. But I will say, you know what? It's not her fault, it's your fault, she shoulda told you, but
she's telling you now. While you're at it,
subscribe to this podcast. Yeah, click the bell. And label your stuff, I mean, if it's that important to you. And, it's also the reason
why Jany and her ex are broken up now
because they've just been so eaten up over this.
And also. That they couldn't even stay together. And also, drinking just
a straight bottle of rum, as you know, you've got
experience with that, that leads nowhere good. Yeah, especially if a bathtub is involved. If you're not a pirate, if you're not a pirate currently on duty, do not drink straight
rum, and nothing else. What if it's labeled? If you're a pirate and it's labeled "This is for our 25th
wedding anniversary argh!" You should take it, because
that's the spirit of pirates. That's how you stay true to pirate, yeah. Let's hear another regret. This is uplifting. This is from Sam_P_23. Another 23. 23 is our number today. Hmm. "Getting a tattoo of Wreck It Ralph "riding a wrecking ball with Miley's "'I came in like a
wrecking ball' under it. "It was funny at first, now
I'm stuck with it for life, "hahaha." Yeah, and I mean, we agree, it was funny at first. Yeah, I think it's still funny. Even at this point in our conversation, it's kind of wearing off. I mean, in the time it
takes to do that tattoo, I mean, it's not really
that funny anymore. But-- Wait, I wonder where it is. It depends on two things: where it is, and how many
other tattoos you have, right? But, I would say,
regardless of the situation, even if it's your only tattoo and it's on your forehead,
I mean let's just say it's the worst possible
combination of those two things. I think this is, let's see, came in like a wrecking ball. I think this one should be
right below the waistband. Right, right. It's all about the way that
you, just think about it, if you saw somebody with that tattoo, and, the thing is you wouldn't
ask them anything about it, you would just make
assumptions about them. But if you got into a
conversation with them, then it would be a really
funny conversation starter. What would that be? Hey, I like your tattoo. Well, tell me about your tattoos. Well, it would probably say,
I like your tattoo, hahaha. He's like, yeah I thought
it was funny at the time, Wreck It Ralph, wrecking ball, you know, it was a cultural moment. Okay. That's what you can't do Sam_P_23. Don't wallow in your regret. Don't converse about your regret. If anyone's gonna talk about
the tattoo, just own it. Act like you don't regret it. Cause it doesn't, you have it, it makes you, correct me if I'm wrong,
I think it makes you, it makes it worse when you're like, you apologize for it. I just think of like, yeah, I mean even, it is what it is, you know, is better than something,
than a, "Yeah, I just--" Own it, yeah, own the mistake. No, don't own the mistake. Own that you have it, and
don't pull somebody else, don't make it a downer. Like we've made this podcast
about talking about regret. Don't do that with people you talk to. Don't engage in regret just
in casual conversation, cause it's a downer. We're professionals, we
know how to keep it up. But what if it's somebody
that you're trying to impress, or you think there might be a future friendship or
relationship with them. If it's the first date it can be like, yeah, I'm looking for something to go over this, and I think it might be your face. I meant get a new tattoo, I wasn't talking about the
below the waistband again. Oh, right, cause you were gesturing to
your shoulder as you did it. And that is one strategy. What I was gonna say was, I just think simply saying, you know what, I thought it was funny at the time. You see somebody make eye contact with it, I thought it was funny at the time. You know what, still pretty funny. Well if you're gonna do that, tattoo that underneath it. Okay, that's a good update. I thought this was funny at the time. I thought this was funny in 1998, or whatever it was. And this was actually not that long ago if it was wrecking ball, that's a few years, I don't know. I've lost track of time. What about, we had a friend, who, you know, there are
the kids in high school that started getting
tattoos their senior year when they turned 18, right? Mhm.
There's, especially back in 1996 when we were moving into our
senior year of high school, there were the kids that
turned 18 and got tattoos, and it was like, oh, really, I'm sure that's a lot more
common than it is now, and also there's a lot of kids
who were younger than that who go in with their parents
permission and get tattoos. You talking about Pearl Jam tattoo, or are you talking about
Tasmanian devil tattoo? I'm talking about Tasmanian, I'm thinking about both, but I wanted to talk
about Tasmanian devil. Because we had a friend who came-- Yeah.
To school one day, and he had gotten a full color, like it looked like I had
just tuned into a cartoon, you know what I'm saying? It was just, it was a freeze frame from a Warner Brothers, is that what the Tasmanian Devil's from? I don't know. It was the Tasmanian Devil
ripping out of his delt, and coming to say hello. And, but in a spin, he was coming out, he had broken through in the Tasmanian Devil spin. The tornado.
Yeah. And even at that age, at that time we felt bad for him.
Not a good look. It's tough. It's tough--
No way he's still got that. It's tough to react to a tattoo. No way he's still got that tattoo. I bet he does. Do you think he's got it
covered up with other things? Yeah, yeah, I bet he's got other things. Because the one you're
thinking about right now, Pearl Jam, the Pearl Jam tattoo
was covered up by college. Yep, that's true. But literally, like, two years later the Pearl Jam tattoo was
completely covered over. And that wasn't even that bad of a tattoo. No it wasn't. And now I think it's come back. You know, it's like, if you had it that long, now's a good time to
have a Pearl Jam tattoo. Can you get one layer of
a cover up tattoo removed to reveal a previous tattoo? Like an archeological tattoo removal? It's just like, do you want the tattoo that you used to regret? Can Dr. Tat Off do that? Uh uh, no. I don't, I mean, I don't
know how poison ivy works, apparently, according to everybody. It's very clear that you don't. But I do know how tat offs work. What about this? Mythical_alenna, "Eating a soggy burrito. "I tried to heat it up
in a pan, but it stuck, "so I scraped it off, and ate it wet. "Ate a wet, cold burrito, that
was also hot in some spots." Oh. "It had avocado and shrimp in it too." Whew! "I vomit just thinking about it." That's very specific. That's a very specific regret. Yeah, that's the, that is a specific one. I've never tried to heat
up a burrito like that. Whenever I have the
second half of a burrito, I just eat it cold. Do you do this with other
foods, or just burritos? Most-- What about pizza? Cold. Fried chicken, cold. Well, yeah, but both of those
things that you mentioned, fried pizza? Fried chicken and pizza kind of have their own character
cold, but a burrito? Yeah. Doesn't have character cold. Like a Chipotle burrito, they're so huge, I'll cut them in half,
and then I'll, like, I'll unwrap the foil, and I'll just eat the second half. It's difficult to heat up, I will give you that much. It's not that good. One of the things that I regret. I don't know why this pops into my head, but it's a bit sad, but bear with me. Remember when we went
on that off-roading trip with the group of people
that we didn't know? And the one guy was the leader,
the organizer of the trip, and it's like a four day
trip in Death Valley, it was the first time we went. He was the leader, and then he, this tragic
thing happened to him when, like, his child passed away. Right. His young child. And he lived a long ways a way, he like lived in Northern California. Yeah. But our friend Nick knew him better because, like, he had connected with him, met him, and that's how we got, that's how he got invited to the trip, and then we got invited, we got to know him. So, Nick knew him better. But, I had an opportunity to
go with Nick up to the, like, the funeral service, and I just, for some reason, I really regret not going. Like, I just feel like, I feel like it was one of
those things where it's like that was the right thing to do, and yeah, I had my rationale, I was like, we would have had to, it was so far that we'd have to stay overnight, or like, it was a long freaking drive to get to where this thing was, and then it's like, I, you know, I only knew
him at this one trip, you know, we're not actually friends. It was very easy to say, well, it's not my place to go there, but then it kinds of eats
away at me, even now, that like, I didn't go, cause I felt like, you know, when somebody goes through
something that horrible, it's just like, wow, people I didn't expect
came out of the woodwork just to show up, and I
know it was along drive. I think it would've meant a lot to him that somebody who barely knew him took the time to go up there. And I think Nick went anyway. So many I think too highly of myself. But it's weird that I
fixate on that, right? Yeah, cause listen, I'm not, first of all, I think
in some circumstances you kind of got, you gotta
let yourself off the hook. Listen, because in my mind the moment that I begin thinking about
all the things that I could do, all the choices that I could make that would be selfless or whatever, I'm gonna have all
kinds of regrets, right? In that particular situation, obviously I felt horrible
about what was going on, but we literally, like, Nick
had been on multiple trips with him, and like talked
to him on the phone. Yeah. Was a friend, like.
Yeah. They were friends. We went on a trip that
had four or five cars in a caravan, and like,
there was a couple of times where we had a conversation while we're sitting around a fire. He would probably have a hard
time remembering our names. It would've, in my mind it would've been a little bit strange.
Okay. For you to go. That's my take on it. So I definitely don't think
you should feel bad about it. Yeah, I guess I just feel so bad for him. I completely get that. Yeah, so that I would, it's like well, that's
why it stays in my brain is cause it was such a tragic thing that like, I didn't, you know, I actually didn't do anything. It moved me, but it didn't actually move
me transportationally. I get it. I think that's why it stuck in my brain. And I'm sure some people would interpret what I'm saying as cold hearted, but I'm saying that I think, and it's not, like I have every, I have sympathy.
Yeah sure. For the guy, but, I don't know, I feel like
there's lots of situations, cause when you think about it, you know. Well, here's another one-- Well think about this, I mean, Jessie and I talk
about this, you know, we try to be pretty charitable, right? There's plenty of things
that we can give to, and we try to be strategic, and sort of effective in
the things that we give to. But then we also do
things like spend money on making our yard nice, right? And there's a, and I'm less, like if I were to, like,
present it to Jessie, and I were to say, you know what, we could make the pool nicer, or we could take all that money and we could give it to
somebody who needs it, right? Mhm. And it's just like, okay, from a strict moral standpoint, should you give away all
your money, and everything, and do nothing for yourself
until you have done all those things for other people? It's like, I get into
a place where I'm like, I mean, I'm sure there's somebody who's gonna live their life like that, but I'm like, okay, I don't
wanna be irresponsible, and I wanna be generous, but I also wanna spend some money on something that I feel like me and my family are gonna enjoy. But I can't sit around and think, like, oh, you know what, if you
hadn't of gotten that, if you hadn't of installed this thing at your house that you wanted, and put these speakers
up in your backyard, you could have given
speakers to somebody else. Yeah. I just don't think that's a, I just don't it's a
healthy way to live because you can always find something that you can make yourself feel obligated to do. Cause it also, in another
sense it also makes you, it centers you.
Yeah. In the conversation. Like, oh, well if I had of done this, it would've solved the problem, or it would have meant
that much to this guy if I had of done that. Yeah. There is an element of it that gets into centering yourself. I think in that it's like, I met the guy once, I don't know him, I'm not really his friend, it's like, and I think when Nick asked me to go, you had something planned specific, but I didn't have anything
specifically planned, and so Nick asked, "Do
you wanna go with me?" So he didn't have to drive
all that way by himself, and I think that's how he put it to me. And then it was, I don't know, something may have come up. I regret not, you know, we had the friend who just had the birthday, and I was like, and I don't know.
I regret this. This is a regret. I regret--
A shared regret, everybody. I regret this. So. And he listens to this podcast, so. Well, don't listen to this part, Harm, don't wanna spoil this, it's gonna be awkward. A lot of people are
doing this type of thing. I think this is a, well he was turning 40. Mhm. And I think it is like a, it's more of a middle aged thing. I don't think when people
turn 20 or 25 this happens, but maybe it does in certain circles. But this is definitely not
an out of the blue request from his wife, hey this is a secret, can you write a note for, he's turning 40, for his birthday. And mail it.
And mail it. To this address. He's gonna really appreciate that. I mean we had another, the way that it first started
happening was YouTubers would like, contact us,
like YouTube friends, or their partner or
something would say I'm, we did it for Phillip DeFranco
a long, long time ago, back when we were in Lillington. "Hey I'm surprising Phil for his birthday, "can you do a little video
snippet and send it to me "and I'm going to create this montage." It's the private version of that. Well, and then there was another, this is actually, this request has come in three different times
in the past three months. Now, the first one that came in was also was a YouTube friend, and
it was their partner saying, "Hey, I'm doing this thing
to celebrate his birthday," but they sent us a link that
you could just go to a website and hit record, and you were
recording a message to them. Or send a voice, like record a voice memo with your phone and email it to me. And I did that. And you know what I did? Right when I got the email, I was like, you know what, I'm just
gonna do it right now, cause if I say I'm gonna do it later I'm never gonna get back to it because there's never a time,
you know what I wanna do, I wanna drop everything I'm doing, and I wanna sit down and
record a voice memo six times because I'm not happy with the first five, talking about how, you know, trying to make somebody
feel good on their birthday. It's just, it's not the first
thing you ever want to do, but I just went ahead and did it. But then I got a second request from somebody that is, we
worked with at one point. Yes. And I actually thought
about doing that one. I thought about doing that one. But there was a slight extra piece of it, it was more like send your
video to this email address, or something, and I was like,
uh, I'm not gonna do this, and it's not somebody
that we're in regular contact with at this point. Even though I saw them at a
restaurant right before COVID. Okay, well you should have done it then, cause you had more recent contact. He was very nice to me. Yeah. And I was very happy to see him. I almost did that one. I don't regret that one. I don't regret it, but
when the third one came in. I really regret this one. This is one of our really good friends, who on a regular basis
we're in contact with, and it was his wife who
was organizing this, but it came through one of
our other mutual friends, and when it came in, there
was, like, a deadline, it was, you know, not
that this is an excuse, but the deadline was like, it was like, we need this in a week. And I remember thinking,
when it came in, I was like this is gonna be tough for me to do. But I'm gonna do it. And when I say tough, I mean like I gotta write a letter, I gotta mail it, I mean, just the other
day, or like last month-- I didn't even remember
that it had to be mailed. I needed to mail something to our, like, our business people, I needed to mail something to them. I had to mail it too, yeah. And-- Come to find out I mailed
it a month before you did cause you apparently don't
remember how to mail. No, I haven't mailed anything
in so long, I was like, do we have envelopes? And then I was like, do we have stamps? And Jessie's just like me,
she was like I don't know, like we don't mail things. Yeah, I had to walk into the post office and do all of that. It took me a month to mail a letter, that was like an important thing. The bottom line is-- I knew this was gonna be trouble, but I was like, I'm gonna
do this because this guy means a lot to me, and I
wanna communicate that. Well he means a lot to me too. Yeah, I'm sure you had every
intention to do it as well. But then I completely forgot about it. Like, it was like I had a moment, and I didn't write it down, cause I'm not good at that, I did write it down,
and then a week passes, and then the next week passes, and then you say to me, "Hey did you, "did you write that letter to our friend?" And I was like, oh crap, I didn't. And it's already, it's a week late. And then I felt really bad. And then we got on the phone with him, and he was like, he was talking, I was like how was your birthday? Cause we had talked about how
his birthday was coming up, but I didn't, course I didn't talk to him about the letter thing. And he talked about his birthday, he was like man, it was a good day. It was, uh.
He got a bunch of letters. He talked about all the
stuff that happened, and then he talked about
the letters he got, and I just kind of like, I nodded by head, I was
like he doesn't know that I was prompted to
write a letter, you know? I'm more of a recent reconnect. He knows now. He knows now, shoot. Yeah, we shouldn't have
said anything about it. And then I was like, you
know what what I'm gonna do? I said to myself, you
know what I'm gonna do? I'm not gonna talk about it. When he was telling me
I got these letters, like my wife got all these
people to write these letters, and it was really cool,
and I was nodding my head, and I was thinking in that moment, I was like dammit. I really wanted to express that he does, his friendship means a lot to me, and then I thought, you
know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna write a letter anyway, and I'm gonna send it to him. And you still haven't done that. No. Hold on, but let me just say. When he turns 80 I'll do it. I thought that, only in multiples of 40. I thought that what you were about to say, cause again, this would be
a very Link thing to do, the moment that he is on the video chat, and I think I was either not
present for the video chat. You weren't present. The moment he starts talking about it, is the moment that all
of the sudden you say, hey man, I wanna tell you that
I got the message about it, but I didn't do it, and I don't
have a good excuse for it, but, and then you'd, and it's coming from a good place. I mean most of the time it's coming from a really good place, but you would say something that would make him feel awkward. Well, you know what? And so I'm really glad that you didn't. I didn't say anything. At that moment he's talking about what a good birthday he
had, I'm not gonna be like-- And then it would just
be about the fact that Link forgot doing this, and
everybody's talking about that. So you made the right call
in not talking about it. We probably shouldn't have even talked about it in the podcast,
but too late for that. Would you like that, by the way, for one of your birthdays, for a bunch of people
to write you a letter? I mean that's kind of, I think that was kind of his love language, like, his wife knew that. It does not strike me as
something that I would be into. I would appreciate it, if I were to read it I would be like oh this is actually really
meaningful and nice. Words of affirmation? I think I would be into it. But it's not something that
I would think to request. And I'm not saying he requested it. Well he didn't. I'm just saying that, I don't think that it's something that, like my wife would, first of all, it would require a level
of logistical planning that neither of us, me or my wife, are capable of, to organize, but we can plan a really cool party. So that's probably what we would do. But it wouldn't be I'm gonna get letters. I don't know how that makes you seem, but it didn't seem good. We can plan a cool party. I'm saying that we can plan a party, but we can't plan multiple
people sending things to one place, and it being there on time. But you know, if he's listening, let's just do it right now. Matt, you're a great-- See, now, this is the moment where if I'm like the part of your brain that speaks sensibly to
you, I say don't do this because you're going to end up saying, you're gonna be making light of it, and then you kind of make
light of the whole thing, and it ends up being less meaningful. So, but now that you've started. I'm ridden with guilt. Guilt is riding me, like. You do, you struggle with guilt, you struggle with a lot of
guilt, I've noticed this. It's interesting when you said I don't have a lot of regrets, I didn't think of a lot of regrets, and then I was flooded with them. I thought like Link is
constantly regretting things, is my impression. Cause it's better to
regret something you did than something you didn't do, you might as well go for it. Well I agree with that. That's the thing, the
things that are getting me are the things that I didn't do. You know? What would've happened if I would've gone to that funeral? Well, again, you can't
do that to yourself. Yeah, I know. Because it probably would've been, he would've been touched, and you would've felt good about it. But, forget the funeral, it was a great opportunity
to tell my friend that I really do love
him and appreciate him. And I blew it. Blew it off. And now-- At least I regret it, you don't even seem to regret it. Didn't I say I do? I told you from the beginning I regret it. But, I don't-- But you don't seem like you do. Well, no because I don't think that, I don't know how fruitful it is to like, just beat yourself up over it. Like, if you're gonna
do something about it to rectify it, yes. But if you're not gonna
do anything to rectify it, why are you gonna sit there
and feel bad about it? Well, I wanna feel just bad enough to not, to do differently next time. That's exactly, okay,
so here's what I decided about that situation. I was like, you know what? He'll think this is funny, like, he'll think the fact that we're talking about
it is funny, right? Like, he'll get a kick out of this. And you know what, I'm not
ridden with guilt about it, I just think this is funny too. No. No, no, no, but you're not
listening to what I'm saying. I feel bad about it, but I know that he doesn't think like-- He's not crushed. He's not like oh I can't believe, I know they don't actually
care about me or love me because I didn't send them. But, the action that I wanna take is not to be like, hey, I feel like I need to
make this right with you. In other words-- Yeah, we didn't wrong him. Oh I decided to go ahead
and write you something. No, what I'm gonna do is the next time a request of that nature comes in I need to remember if you
actually want to do this you need to know you
need to do it right now because if you do not do it right now you're not gonna do it. And if you actually wanna
do it, do it right now. I think you could've just emailed. Like, listen, I'm gonna do it right now, but I'm only gonna be able to email it. Is that okay, here it is? Well, that, I thought about that, but in the moment it felt like. I'm gonna do this on my terms. Yeah, like I'm usurping the process. I ain't got time, I don't
know how stamps work. They wanted it to be physical mail, and, so I, listen, it's
not that I don't regret, it's just that I don't find it, I don't know what the benefit of just sitting around
and thinking about it, like, the situation, I understand why you feel
bad about not going to the-- They're two different things, don't bring up the funeral anymore. Okay, all right. Forget about that, I agree with that. And the other thing I think is, is we can just move on. Something that there's absolutely no question that you should have done feels different than something that you're asking the question of
should I have done that? Also, you know, the
letter thing was better, we also had a friend one
time who his spouse said send a quick video, those are the worst. Like, that's why the last
one that was just audio-- I did that though. Audio's so much better. The voice memo thing, that's the ticket. Oh it's the best, but I did the video one. So when you're gonna
do this for a loved one and surprise them, ask people
to just email a voice memo. That's the best. There's a website that
you can send people to. That's the best thing to do. Where they don't even have
to email the voice memo. That's the best thing. It just records right
through the computer, and then you can approve it, edit it. And then, you're like hearing their, hearing their voice. Yeah, it's even better. So you're saying that's what
his wife should have done? Is that what you're saying? She--
It's her fault. It's definitely her fault. She should regret.
Right. She should regret this all. She should be riddled with guilt. Right. Right. Okay, we're not done with regrets. Oh we're not? Cause I really wanna hit this one. Dave DeWitt, "I regret not taking "Rhett and Link up on a lunch invitation." Why can't you read? Start over. It's too far away from me? Seriously?
Yeah. Like, I've been, you can't see dude. I need glasses, and I'm about
to totally ruin your brand. Dave DeWitt tweeted at us, "I regret not taking Rhett
and Link up on lunch." Oh! I can't read it either. Do you have any regrets about
what you just said to me? "I regret not taking Rhett and Link "up on a lunch invitation
cause I had to cover "a Slim Jim factory explosion
in Garner, North Carolina. "True story!" So, Rhett read that and turned to me and was like, do we know a Dave DeWitt? And then he reads the tweet to me, and I'm like, well, he's a journalist, I guess he did an article on us, back in North Carolina, back in the day. So I just Googled "Dav DeWitt." And then we invited him to
go to lunch, but he couldn't, because a Slim Jim factor exploded. I Googled "Dave DeWitt, Rhett and Link," and an article from June 30th, 2009. Oh wow. So 11 years ago, and a couple months, written about us, and I'm just gonna read a quote from Link because that was what I found
the most entertaining. "'We were friends right
from the start,' says Link. "'You know, looking back, you can see "'that you were wired
to be an entertainer, "'every opportunity there was
to get in front of a group "'Rhett and I said yeah
let's do a rap song.'" That's, what are you laughing at? It's like the transition to the rap song, and then, "'At the Beta Club
Convention,' adds Rhett. "'Yeah, who raps at the
Beta Club Convention,' "says Link, laughing." We do, man. Yeah, so this is like-- Actually, I don't remember, I don't think he got that right, I think Dave DeWitt got us wrong because we didn't rap at
the Beta Club Convention, we just told jokes. Yeah, but we probably
did say that we did that. You know? Oh you lied, you confused two stories, which that would be the
first time we've done that. Anything else in this article? Yeah, well this basically about, he wanted to talk
to us because The Red House furniture commercial had just come out. Oh. But he goes on just to kind of put things into perspective. Like he says, "They have
produced more than 200 videos "from their basement
studio in a small town "in rural North Carolina. "Those videos have been watched
more than 16 million times." Yeah. That still sounds like us. It links to their website.
Oh. Oh their website is.
It redirects cause it wasn't Mythical.com. And then it, go back to the end, the end of this thing. "Some day soon, Rhett and Link "may be more than just internet famous, "maybe they'll do an
independent film project "with an actual budget." Yeah, well maybe we won't. But for now, "They're back in the basement "where the motivation is just
to be funny and pay the rent, "if Rhett's father in law ever "gets around to asking for it." That's right. Oh good closer Dave DeWitt,
let us take you to lunch. Oh you got somewhere to be, huh? Dave, you know, open invitation. If you ever wanna come out to Los Angeles, we'd love to get lunch. So we didn't really get into it. Man it's nice to be someone else's regret. That feels good to me. We didn't get into any heavy regrets, but we did personal, you
got into about as heavy as it can possibly get. Did I? Yeah, I think so. The death of a child. Right, yes. And somehow we went from
talking about a burrito being cold or hot, and
you're like you know that makes me think about the
time I didn't go to a funeral. I was like, whoa, what? Sorry. You know, I just, there's, here's the thing the
that I'm sensitive to, if you wanna go back to it again. Yeah, let's talk about this. There's these moments of
character when it's like you can, it feels like
you can do something to like, you wanna help, or you wanna come to the rescue or something, and you wanna, something
goes really wrong, and you wanna, I wanna know that I can respond and make a difference. Okay, you know what, let's
actually talk about this. Because we do have a
difference here, right? And I wouldn't say, and I'm sure, there's lots of people
who think I'm an asshole. I get it, I understand. Especially when we're in
the midst of a conversation, and it's like, well Link seems to feel bad about that, and have empathy, and Rhett doesn't seem
to feel bad about that. I think you know me well enough, and I know you well enough. Hold on, let me, to know that one of us is not a better, or nicer, or more empathetic person than the other. I have the same, we're different, but-- I agree with you, your assessment of this incident. I should not beat myself
up over this at all. And I do that a lot,
especially on the podcast, and it makes you look
like you're telling me not to beat myself up, or you would, I don't beat myself up about
not going to that funeral, is what you say, that doesn't make you a, there should be no negative
response associated with that. I'm not worried, in therapy I am focusing on not caring on what people think about me, and I know a lot of people
have thoughts about me, it doesn't bother me. I shouldn't have done
anything differently, I agree with you. Right, but what I guess
what I'm saying is, is I think a lot of times you might feel, your motivation to care
about it is very pure and you have a big heart, and you wanna be there for somebody, but do you think that one of the reasons that you dwell on that kind of thing is because, because if I
know for me, a lot of times, I want to do something to prove to myself that I'm capable of something. You know what I'm saying? It's not so much about, like, oh I actually think that
doing this is going to make this giant impact
in this person's life. You know what I'm saying? It's more like, sometimes
I feel there's a motivation to do something to kind of
prove to myself that I care. Prove to myself, not
prove to them that I care. Like, I wanna write a
letter about my friend, to my friend turning 40
because that's the thing that a good friend would do. Yes. That is an equation that
frequently comes into my mind. It's like, if I want to be a good friend, what would a good friend
do here, and I wanna do it. So it's a, once step removed from, yes, I would be glad to express my gratitude to my friend who just
turned 40 in a letter. There's this added baggage of
what's the right thing to do, what's the person I wanna be? And it's kind of, it's tertiary. There's some people who are like oh yes, I would love, I know
exactly what I would say. And I'm lik oh I don't know what I would, you know, it's like I gotta
come up with what to say, and now it's gotta. You know, I think about all that. Yeah, and that's just what I'm saying that I don't, like I'm
hard enough on myself as, I'm very hard on myself, but I'm not hard on myself in a way that people recognize. Do you know what I'm saying? It's just like I don't spend a
lot of time talking about it, so you might be like,
boy, is he a psychopath? He doesn't seem to care. It's like no, I care deeply
about a lot of things, but, I act when, I mean you know, one of the reasons why
I every once in a while I'll just like write a Medium
article about something that I feel passionately about. Yeah. Is like, I'm not doing that
to draw attention to myself, I know that that is an element of it, it's a result of it, but I'm doing it because I'm like I can't be quiet about this, like I feel like I have to say something. So if I don't write a Medium
article about the same thing does that mean that I
don't care about that, or that I have a different stance? I think that's what you're saying. Right. The way that we, the way
that you express yourself-- It's just yeah, I express
myself differently. So you can't beat yourself
up by holding yourself to some external standard that's not, that shouldn't apply to you. Right. Yeah, and I just think that-- And I think you-- I just think that, like,
being hard on yourself, like who are you, who are you trying to please, right? Like, when you say that's what a best friend would do, right? I no longer believe that
there is a judgemental God watching me, and making
sure I do the right thing. I don't live by an ethic
that is based on potential punishment or reward from a deity. That's not, I don't think
that way anymore, right? I think about what the tangible, experiential impact of my actions is. And it just so happens
that most of the things that most people would
consider moral are also things that you yourself will
benefit from, right? Like doing things for other people, ultimately you also will
benefit from those things. And I'm just saying, I
think that the idea of like, spending a lot of emotional energy sitting around and thinking about what you could have done
or what would have been the right thing to do, it's just like, take the lesson, apply it for next time, but if you're just wallowing in it. I'm not really. It popped into my head with this prompt. But I'm not wallowing in it. But you said you still feel bad about it. It popped into my head, and
then I felt bad about it. But now I agree that I shouldn't
feel bad about it, at all. But you feel like kind of like maybe it's callous to say that. Yes. But it's not really. Cause it's misplaced, as we've already determined, it was misplaced empathy that
has nothing to do with me. And that I didn't have
a place to make better. Cause I wasn't actually connected to it. Right. Whereas, a totally
different scenario would be if somebody came to me and said, hey that thing you said or that thing you did hurt me in this way. Now, the expectation
at that point is like, oh, I gotta do something
to make this right. Like this isn't about me anymore. This is about something that's like, if you had been a better
friend to this guy, and he had been in contact with you, and he would've like called you up and been like, really hurt me that you didn't show up for me. Yeah, he would never do that. Right. Cause yeah. So I guess what I'm saying is, it's just like, that's
a moment in which like, oh, I'm gonna, my own personal regret is gonna lead to some
sort of rectifying action. Cause if at that point I don't feel bad, or I'm like get over yourself, well then I'm a callous
asshole at that point. Yeah, well, so two things. First of all, I fell like the one thing I didn't
anticipate from the conversation, at least for me, is like there's somethings that I
regret I shouldn't regret and I need to be free from that. And the second thing
is, we found something that we can agree on that we both regret. Do you have a rec? I got a rec man. I guess, I quoted Flea. I'm gonna make a recommendation here. Mhm. I was talking, well
ironically, to our friend, I made the recommendation to him. Last night. Yeah, and to you on the video chat we did. I've been reading Flea's autobiography, "Acid For The Children," and this is anecdotes
of Flea's coming of age. This is not, this is the basest for The Red Hot Chili Peppers,
if you don't know. So as a fan of the Chili Peppers, Christy bought, and of
like music documentaries, like Christy bought this book for me, and I've had it for a while, and I finally started reading it. If you're into the Chili Peppers, if you know anything about Flea, and he's an interesting dude who, like, seems to be like, he's
such a wholesome guy. I think wholesome is the right word, which is not, if you don't
follow him on Instagram, or you don't know much about it, then that might come as a surprise, but, the dude is like, I would love to meet the guy, actually. And he's around here,
maybe I could, he's in L.A. Mhm. It took a while to get into it, cause it's chronological stories, but, like, the dude tells anecdotes, I mean, and each chapter,
as long as it takes to tell the story as he remembers it, it's just like isolated
events in chronological order, most of them are like two pages. You know? You could read it on the toilet. Just put it behind your
toilet if you want to. I'm sure he'd love that. Right. But, they're funny, they're mind boggling. Like, stranger than fiction
is the way that this guy, he was like raised bohemian lifestyle, and like, so strange, but he had this, like, and it's also fascinating the crazy stuff that happens to him, or the
crises that are averted, and yeah, also that, I mean, the strange stories of drug use, and nude beaches, and
all types of wild stuff, and he's not even 13 years old yet, at the point that I'm at in the book, so I haven't read the whole book. You can hear him telling the
stories when you read it, and it's like, he's such a, he's a one of a kind dude,
like he's very strange. And, but there's, I also
find it fascinating, there's like this inner
morality in like the way that, you know, when you're talking
about how you live your life, it's like, there's like this Flea approach to life
that is very interesting, that you know, he doesn't explain, he just tells the stories, and then you read between the lines what type of guy he is
and what makes him tick, and how his, how the thinks about things, how he processes life.
Mhm. And even though he went through so many difficult
situations as a young kid, and make some like,
really, suspect choices, and was involved in a lot of things that would raise your eyebrows, the dude is, he somehow exudes
positivity through all of it. So it's like, it's not a heavy read, even though his life was very heavy. Right. And that's just how he lived his life. At least to this point. And by judging from
his Instagram feed now, I think that's just continued, so, it's not for everybody, but if you're into those things, if you're into him and the
band, and stuff like that, then I recommend it. Is he the one that said better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do? He sang it, he sang,
"But the Butthole Surfers "say it's better to
regret something you did "than something you didn't do." It's a lyric in one of the songs? Yeah. Oh, and Flea sings that. He sings that. He does a little solo. Yeah, right. Obviously, if you're going to, if you're thinking about doing something that could put you in imminent danger, it's probably better to regret
something you didn't do, than to do something,
die, and regret that. So this doesn't apply across the board. Yeah, it depends on the specifics. But, if you take, I mean, all of the things equal, in terms of like, you know, safety, and self care, and no harm to others, and morality, and all of those things
equal in the decision, I'm gonna lean towards doing
something than not doing it. When the reasonably,
reasonable potential outcomes don't include death, or dismemberment, then I think the rule applies. If you're talking about
the potential outcomes being embarrassment, or, you know, getting in over your head, you can always swim to the top, you can get out of those situations. If you die, it's a problem. Yeah. But you can just keep learning, and keep moving forward. Keep living. Thanks for your questions,
thanks for your regrets. Hashtag Ear Biscuits. Don't dwell on them too much. Don't beat yourself up. Just learn, move on. We'll talk at you next week. To watch more "Ear Biscuits," click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous
episode of "Ear Biscuits," click on the playlist to the left. And don't forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it's available on all your
favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical best.
Link should not feel bad about that Airbnb review. I would love to read something that detailed. I don't want any surprises, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.
First 1:15 = Are we still doing phrasing?