*Warning: Very Loud Audio* Penn & Teller - Don't Try This at Home (1990)

tonight Penn & Teller will produce 100,000 stinging bees with their bare hands run a truck over a human being while Victoria Jackson watches play with fire make Jane Curtin do disgusting magic stick body parts in dangerous bear traps and give away magic secrets don't try this at home good evening my name is Penn Jillette this is my partner teller we are Penn & Teller and this is a show called don't try this at home we are doing this show on stage if it of a live audience of 900 people so why am i whispering because we don't want the audience to know the show has already started we're hiding to the nine hundred people behind us getting comfortable the stage looks empty except for three big sheets of plate glass they probably think it's some postmodern negative utopian statement of bleakness by our set designer but it isn't three big sheets of glass the middle one is a mirror this is just a reflection of this you've heard the expression it's all done with mirrors well in this case it really is we're right back here watch this it's pretty cool they don't notice disembodied fingers coming out of nowhere on a brilliantly illuminated stage what you have to do to get someone's attention you're going would you all excuse me would you all please rise for the National magic trick look my hands are empty look a little white hanky watch closely not closely enough it's gone but a little whiffle dust and it's back thank you everybody now what my hands are empty look a little white hanky watch closely not closely enough it's fun but a little whiffle dust and it's thank you one more time look my head it's Penn & Teller don't try this at home Jane Curtin and Victoria Jackson we'll be back in a minute with more swindles and scams it's God a little whiffle dust and it is back thank you now you might be wondering if we had to break some sort of magician's code of secrecy to teach 900 people how to do that little hanky thing and yeah we did and there are probably some magicians some tuxedo clad lowlifes that actually put their cheesy little secrets above patriotism that was nothing compared to the opening I mean that mirror thing that is a basic principle of magic that has been kept secret for hundreds thousands of years and I know we're going to get some letters on that before you put a stamp on and lick that envelope mr. rabbit polar scope this out you're really going to hate us for this blew my mind next stage I reach but could not find stop exploding cast our storm to the stars above baby hold on to me today lift up little last that's the way everyone else does it this is the way we do it we had to get these built special away from me next game you're not where you should be back don't do this - bye Oh just drink Oh ripoff Oh ha-ah the durian job a lie because Victoria we do uh we do stuff like that with the clear boxes because everybody thinks they know how magic is done and if they don't know you tell them yeah but what I mean is people think that if they think enough they can just figure it out on their own they can cuz it's so easy oh really well figure this one out Victoria later in the show I'm gonna drive a truck a 55 foot rig on 6th Avenue New York City in front of all these people right over tellers chest here's 6th Avenue now and they're glistening in the New York City night is the truck that's where teller be lying right under the wheels and I'll be driving the 16 ton rig directly over the little guy's chest it's never been done before we wanted more so we added over 30,000 pounds of concrete to the back to make this really heavy yep I'm gonna drive this truck over tellers chest at the end of the show now if you're gonna have a friend lie down the street and drive a truck over them what would you do well it depends on the friend what say it's teller but I don't hardly know him well you'll pretend you do okay okay all right um it's very easy it could be a trick truck it could be a reinforced chest thing mirrors no we already used mirrors in the opening the show but uh let's test your theories we have some some models right over here notice how the models are exact scale what we're really going to be using we've got a truck here that's made out of a cinder block while teller is constructed out of a jelly doughnut with breadstick legs and a marshmallow head now let's see what happens when without any trickery whatsoever with these scale models we run the truck over teller it's not very pretty is it Victoria no okay now what were your ideas again a trick track trick truck good one we'll try a trick truck this looks like the same scary menacing cinderblock truck but closer inspection reveals it's just styrofoam it couldn't hurt a fly but very bad for the environment mmm Wow even just the light frame of our styrofoam truck is too much for our tasty doughnut teller and the other ideas yes costly hardware and a reinforced chest good thinking once again we're back to using the same cinderblock truck but surely teller is safe for this high-tech protective gear a spoon which is going to go over them and protect them completely time to kill the doughnuts ah all the humanity is there no end of the madness any other ideas donut deaf queen yes what about if you use the fake teller what about a fake teller we have that set up too okay this time we've hidden tellers body safely in a manhole under the street and put the fake body up on the street okay for those of you squeamish don't worry that's not a real donut under this tinfoil the donut is safe well nobody said science was easy we've tried the fake truck to reinforce chest in the phony teller and as of now enough nothing worked I need um that's not it doesn't he know they always include other as a possibility well folks this is a good time for you people at home and here in the studio to make your own bets this show is even more exciting when you've got a couple hundred bucks riding on it isn't it Victorian yes at the end of the show we're gonna drive a 50-foot rig over and tell his chest right here in New York City for this crowd and then we'll show you how we did it like this at home this is TV everything is fake on TV you all know that these are props we've used in previous shows weapons and body parts sure they're fake but we love them as if they were our own we believe violence is exciting in entertainment in America we have the First Amendment there are no censors but there are anti violence censorship letter writers they want to make sure you'll never see anything that they wouldn't want to see they say that if we had nothing on TV but shows like 30 something and growing pains all the world problems we worked out an adult peaceful manner they don't understand everything's fake on TV Homer Simpson doesn't work in a nuclear power plant Homer Simpson is just an actor but these special interest groups are very powerful they forced me to state the obvious that this is not my body this is a fake body here's my real body right back here with all the switches gizmos squibs charges and hydraulics to make the really powerful and completely phony and safe special effects you're about to see but we needed to establish cause and effect we needed a weapon they said no guns they said no sharp objects they said no blunt objects so we came up with a compromise these are marshmallows the same marshmallows be used for tellers head cost-effective they couldn't hurt anyone and if you don't believe me buy yourself a bag and try using them to hold up a convenience store okay tell her let's do it ah that's not my blood okay there's no pain what ah I'm just setting off with this hand I'm just hitting the button there's no aah there's no problem at all I'm absolutely [ __ ] ah isn't this great the business wonderful there'll be no more violence anywhere they'll be no more driving Detroit and and and guess what kids you can try this at home oh no he's going for my I know God there's a marshmallow I'm totally okay how could I be hurt it's just a marshmallow symbol of decency you right you you Oh you you we're Penn & Teller we got more things you shouldn't try at all stay tuned we could ask pretty often how we got into theater how we got into magic I don't really answer they don't want me to answer you know they want to hear about Houdini and swindling and trickery and honest lying the truth is more complex how I got here is not very linear I spend summers in the woods camping with my parents I walked in the woods alone I explored and I discovered the thing that would make me who I wanted to be the thing that put me in this show it was a beaver trap I found it in the stream it was set and caught nothing I knew it was very dangerous I knew it belonged to someone else but I picked it up carefully so as not to crush my fingers I picked it up carefully so as not to scare myself to death by setting it off accidentally I carried the beaver trap back to my parents my parents taught me not to steal my parents raised me well my parents hated trappers they hated the whole idea of a trap that couldn't close tight enough to break the bone or the tortured panic animal be able to chew its leg off too swiftly to them I was a hero I'd saved an innocent animal from a horrible death and I could keep the trap as a reminder of the cruelty of some of my species and a promise and I would grow up differently I didn't care about any of that I just wanted to keep the trap and now it was mine when summer was over I carried the beaver trap back to my home I kept in to my room I it I decided I would become an expert I got my first job I was route supervisor for a giveaway newspaper I was a spot checker I went door-to-door and made sure the other paper boys had done their jobs properly I bought mouse and rat I bought prairie dog and weasel I filled gumball machines one summer and I bought otter and wild cat I learned everything about the traps I learned how some traps are set in the water so the animal will drown I learned how every trap is marked with a number that indicates the strength of the jaws I learned how the chain that comes off the trap is not attached to a tree but rather to a log called a drag which confuses and tires the animal but doesn't allow it any leverage I kept my respect and conquered my fear I sent away for books and catalogs from the back of Field & Stream magazine whenever one came in the mail as soon as I'd opened it I'd write in the front I'd write the date I write how much I paid the address to which I had sent and then I'd write my name and after my name I'd put a comma and after the comma in quotations I would write king of animal traps when I get older I wash dishes for a whole summer and bought bear I finally had a bear trap it came in the box it was used it was an antique a piece of Americana was really big a little rusty with big menacing teeth frightening more than could possibly frighten any animal when this trap was set off the force of the jaws would be such that would probably destroy the pelt of anything smaller than a bear to set this trap I knew you needed a tool the trap was too strong to set by standing on it the mechanism was too powerful to be moved by full body weight I needed a tool to probably open the bars a tool to get set and I mastered it I was not an animal I was human I had a thumb I had sense in my head and I could set the trap and not be harmed I could set the trap get the date and not be injured I was king of animal traps you I said my classmates my skill they were impressed but not impressed enough that I felt I could make it a career so I broadened my horizons and I diluted my goals and that's how I got to be half of Penn & Teller you know there's a certain kind of rivalry among magicians the kind of one-upmanship and we get compared once in a while to Sigmund and Leroy the Vegas act I guess because they're the other two man magic act everybody gets all excited because they produce five Bengal tigers out of empty boxes well you want wild animals we got wild animals tell her Bill's got Ella I spy die fear six seven okay so they're not Bengal tigers but they are alien six legged hairy monsters capable of injecting your flesh with a deadly poison yes they're bees but I know what you're thinking you're saying to yourself yeah but signal Leroy putting those little Tigers and the little tiny boxes must have killed a few they probably have more than five tigers that they've produced in their life so let's let's do a number equal to every Tiger Sigmund and Leroy ever produced there we go there's four all the ones they produce other times and what about all the little bunnies and doves and kittens that they ever pulled out of anyway I think we've covered Sigmund and Leroy that's one of the other magicians Doug Henning here's your whole act and Doug there's your life Doug Henning there's every single animal about getting reproduce in his life while we're at it let's go with blackstone you got your you got your Copperfield he got your first in you got your Kreskin I know what you're thinking crescents a Mentalist but I'm sure he pulled a bunny or two in his life and besides this be right here weeds minds at least as well as Kreskin offered all the amateur magicians here's the amount of animals produced magicians in North America those are all the scouts if you little gum axe follow North America that counts Canada that counts Nexus go one of up South America I think we've got South America done this over here South America South Americans over here I made a mistake South America is now on my hand this one is stinging me ouch okay we got South America we got theirs Antarctica every animal producing an article Sweeney what annex to Greenland and we also got Europe and Africa are covered here bills in Europe in Africa on my big girl from Africa and what about Australia we'll put another be on the barbie how about Japan you want Japan hey long live stuck in Japan here's Japan China and Russia ladies some more and you know oh we don't want to do all one count available do it there's another kind of animal to want to do to and that is a rabbit out of a hat there's nothing at all I love this habit about that - a court-appointed psychiatrist there we have it Sigmund Leroy you are wimps we have 1 million phase of this ok it's not a million be more like unbounded things it's still more animals of you smile magicians okay now it's a million days stay with Leroy leave all this Oh magic here is Dave darting and the balcony Jane Curtin don't you just love seeing magic David Copperfield bill bixby I'd like to do an old-fashioned sleight-of-hand trick called the everlasting ribbon it's very special to me because my grandmother taught it to me when I was a little girl would you two please help me come up if you would stand over on this side your name's Debbie Debbie Oh Bob nice to meet you oh now this is a close-up magic trick it's good for only a few people at a time so with the rest of the audience please leave you can take the elevator go out on the street you'll meet Penn & Teller out there where they will amuse you please try to go quietly thank you now my grandmother told me that a ribbon is like an invisible link that binds us and it can never be broken let's see if she's right my Debbie would you cut this ribbon please sure there are some scissors right down there here we go now when my grandmother used to do this this trick she used to sing a little Irish ribbon song I can't remember the words or they tune so it doesn't really matter okay there now if you each would take an end and don't hold it too tight and Debbie if you would give me the scissors I'll just cut off these unsightly ends because part of the ribbon trick is that it has to be very neat there look this is hard to cut here there we go okay now if Debbie you would taste one hand under the knot and Bob if you could place a hand above the knot very gently and think of something that has been broken whether it's a promise or someone's heart now I will pull see when you love someone it's never too late to fix the things you've broken thank you so much Bob Debbie I'd like you to have this ribbon as a memento thank you very much Penn & Teller hated that trick I say what the hell does grandma Curtin know about magic if I was on their show they told me I'd have to do a Penn & Teller trick so they came up with the infected ear it wasn't my fault it was designed by Penn & Teller and I'm not even responsible for the words I'll be saying while I'm doing it from here on in I'm just an actor reading my lines off cue cards like Homer Simpson it's just a gig good evening my name is Jane Curtin and I've got some show on NBC it's called working out out on Saturdays at 8:30 I was so proud when Penn & Teller my idols asked me to perform this very special trick on their show I need a couple of people from the audience you you get up here Oh Debbie Bob hi Debbie I see you've practiced self-mutilation for the sake of fashion you've got pierced ears just like I do Bob would you examine my ear please as far as you can tell is there a hole in the lobe of my ear and is that hole surrounded by flesh the wire of the earring is going through my flesh is that correct that's correct yes okay if you had to get this earring out of my ear without unfastening the catch you'd probably have to pull on that earring pretty hard hard enough to break the earring or to rip my flesh is that correct we don't have to do that Debbie would you be so kind as to thread this embroidery needle with dental floss have you ever done that before no well why don't we see if you can do it just take a little needle out of there and put it right through and Bob would you unhook the earring and take it out of my ear please is there anything unusual about that earring Bob it's a regular earring regular your regular ear okay here we go are we through there okay now Debbie if you would just help me guide this embroidery needle through my ear oh if you can see that this is just a regular brand-name dental floss there's the brand okay mr. brand all right now kids don't try this at home okay Debbie now can you actually if you get me that little hand mirror maybe I can see what I'm doing okay this is a very very difficult part of the trick sort of needs surgeon's hands oh there we go okay there now can you actually see the needle going through the hole in my ear can you see that Bob yes I can Debbie can you see it yep okay now I'm going to actually pull this needle with the dental floss through the hole in my ear so that the dental floss will be going through no it's okay just kidding okay ah here we go there we go see okay Bob would you tug on that dental floss please just to make sure that it is actually through my ear right okay okay now if I said right now on national television that Penn & Teller thought that floss being ripped through my earlobe was an appropriate and funny gag you'd do it wouldn't you pop I suppose yeah and now that I'm working for Penn & Teller and not some bleeding-heart sitcom producer if here we go let me just take this out you can just hold on to my hair if you would pop there you go Debbie okay now I am going to hand you each an end to the dental floss if you could take one end Debbie and Bob if you could take the other end now I'm just going to hold on to it a little bit because I'm nervous okay now all right just keep pulling just keep pulling okay now pull pull it'll harder come on you can do it come on ah there you go okay let's get a close-up on that ear and make sure that it's not damaged in any way it's not damaged in any way and my lobes have never been cleaner Bob Debbie thank you so much I would like you both to have a piece of this dental floss as a memento boy you guys have cleaned up ah Bob would you put my earring back on please now when we return we'll be joining Penn on 6th Avenue where he's ready to run a truck over his partners chest Oh Victoria Jackson standing in the shadow of Radio City Music Hall in New York City I'm looking at what might be the pinnacle of human ingenuity and design the tractor-trailer truck form and function meet in 16 tons of cold hard steel cold hard steel poised on a Manhattan Street ready to crush the frail chest of a man called Teller but wait perhaps 32,000 pounds isn't enough just to be sure 30,000 799 pounds of concrete have been loaded on to this mighty vehicle I've got perfect line-of-sight right here I'm going to stay here and just watch to make sure there's no trickery I won't take my eyes off of the street until teller is either safe word um save pen oh why the 30,000 799 pounds of concrete well Victoria that's where exactly one pound under the 70,000 pound weight limit imposed on New York City streets we may be reckless but we're not scofflaws trucks the big rigs yeah you see them every day a mighty convoy hauling food appliances and furniture across this great land the highways and byways the veins and arteries of this wonderful country and these are more than just trucks they're blood cells the very plasma that makes life possible and how about the trucker that new cowboy with a cap trick okay I'm going to run a truck over my partner tellers chest and I have to ask you people watching live one small favor in the event of an accident a ghastly mishap sure to involve crushed bones and severed limbs please no flash photography it ruins the color balance for the viewers enjoying it at home hitchhiker rules of the road I can't leave her stranded I hope you don't smoke okay tell her get your bets ready it's your last chance no bets will be placed after the truck is in motion take a look at the setup take a look at Tala take a look at the truck what do you think is our truck trick a trick truck it's kind of a cute little tongue twister isn't it is it a reinforced chest is it a fake teller or is it other an awful lot of money so why don't you up put a little look at here what's this tell the justest I tell there is nothing if not dapper he gets all set I'll think about it then look like a trick truck that looked like reinforced chest on teller so going over reinforced Jess that'll ramp in there what do you think maybe it's a fake teller that is real body is it moving right what do you think it would be time to pay up soon it's a special effect a camera trick what do you think watch again only two more tires to see boom boom what do you think trick truck fake teller reinforced gesture up how did we do it the correct answer is trick truck we got 6,000 pounds of stage weights 8,000 pounds of wheel weights and we got 3000 pounds of concrete all over this side to counterbalance the foam rubber tires I thought to say look frightening from over there Victoria I lied through my feet just like you told me to nice work Victoria I hope you made some money want to thank our guests Victoria Jackson and Jane Curtin my name is Penn Jillette this is my partner teller we're Penn & Teller and don't try this at home Oh

Channel: Joe Servo

Views: 2,531,688

Rating: 4.8650846 out of 5

Keywords: Penn, and, Teller, Don't, Try, This, at, Home, penn jillette, penn & teller (Magicians)

Id: pUcAido2x4I

Length: 48min 59sec (2939 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 03 2012

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

andddd now I'm watching the whole thing

[u/twickster]

Peller almost decapitated someone in the crowd on the way down.

[u/coffeetablesex]

i wonder how many times they messed up the fire eating bit. the volume on the glasses changed completely during a cut at least once or twice...

[u/FritteredHours]

How do they do the "hankie" trick at the beginning?