Shaq vs Penn and Teller

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BUT FIRST, IT'S SHAQ THE SHOWMAN. OH, HE'S A SHOWMAN. NO MATTER WHERE HE GOES, HE'S A HEADLINER, SO-- DID HE SING WITH BARRY MANILOW? HE DID NOT SING WITH BARRY, BUT EARLIER THIS WEEK-- CéLINE DION? NO. YOU'RE GETTING CLOSER. YOU'RE GETTING WARMER. BUT EARLIER THIS WEEK, YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID? HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF TRICKS, DID A LITTLE HOCUS-POCUS WITH PENN & TELLER. YEAH. THAT'S PRETTY COOL, TOO. WE'RE LOOKING FOR PENN & TELLER. IT'S MAGIC TIME. (car door closes) EVERYTHING ABOUT VEGAS HAS ALWAYS BEEN MAGIC. PENN & TELLETHEATER STRAIGHT AHEAD. THEY'RE ONE OF THE GREATEST MAGICIAN DUOS IN VEGAS, ONE OF MY FAVORITES-- PENN & TELLER. MY NAME IS PENN JILLETTE, MY PARTNER TELLER. (audience cheering) WE'RE PENN & TELLER. THANKS A LOT! GOOD NIGHT! (amplified voice) EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. (Penn) OH, MY GOODNESS. (laughs) IS THAT SHAQ THERE? (cheering) SO YOU KNOW WHY I'M HERE, RIGHT? I WANT TO CHALLENGE YOU TO A MAGIC TRICK. YOU DO MAGIC? UH, YES. OF COURSE I DO. EVERYONE DOES MAGIC. IT'S EASY. YEAH. OKAY. (laughs) IT'S EASY? CAN I? YOU CHALLENGE US TO MAGIC? YES. YOU ACCEPT? YEAH. HOW ABOUT, UH, TOMORROW NIGHT, RIGHT HERE, SAME TIME, SAME PLACE? AND WE ARE GOING TO, I BELIEVE, TAKE YOU DOWN. DEAL. OKAY, MAN. SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT. ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. THANKS A LOT. OKAY, THANKS. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. SHAQ! GOOD LUCK TO YOU, MAN. (Shaquille) I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MAGIC. I KNOW A LITTLE HOMEBOY QUARTER TRICK WHERE, YOU KNOW, YOU THROW IT IN YOUR HAND, AND YOU GET THE KIDS TO LOOK AWAY, YOU THROW IT AWAY. THAT'S THE ONLY MAGIC I KNOW. EXCUSE ME. CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE PENN & TELLER ARE? DOWN THAT WAY. THIS WAY? ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. SURE. NICE SHOW LAST NIGHT. THANK YOU. SO NOW WHAT DO I GOTTA DO? COME ON IN. I GOTTA DEVISE A STRATEGY ON HOW I COULD MAKE MYSELF HALFWAY LOOK LIKE A MAGICIAN. YOU GUYS BEEN DOING THIS FOR A WHILE, HUH? YEAH, YOU KNOW, OVER 30 YEARS OF WORKING TOGETHER, YOU KNOW. 30 YEARS? A LONG TIME. SO, UH, THANK YOU FOR ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE. YOU KNOW, USUALLY WHEN--WHEN PEOPLE ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE, WE NEGOTIATE, BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, NOBODY IN THE WORLD CAN DO MAGIC LIKE YOU GUYS CAN DO IT. WELL, THANK YOU. SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? YOU'RE GONNA DO A MAGIC TRICK? I WANT TO CUT SOMEBODY IN HALF. WELL, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN HURT SOMEBODY. I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A MISTAKE, BUT IF YOU DO, WE DON'T WANT THE ST-- <i>(gong crashes)</i> I GOT ONE. YEAH? I WANT TO LEVITATE AND FLY OVER THE WHOLE AUDIENCE. <i>(wind whistling)</i> SO, UH, WE'RE NOT GONNA-- WE'RE NOT GONNA LEVITATE. (groans) I WANNA FLY. YOU'RE NOT FLYING, AND YOU'RE NOT TAKING CUTTING IMPMENTS TO OTHER HUMAN BEINGS. ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME A TRICK, THEN. WE'VE GOT A TRICK CALLED LIFTOFF TO LOVE. I'VE SEEN THAT ONE. YEAH, IT'S A GOOD ONE. I CAN HAVE THAT ONE? YEAH, YOU CAN HAVE THAT. (Shaquille) NOW I KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO. I'M LOOKING AT TWO OF THE GREATEST MAGICIANS IN THE WORLD AGAINST ME, A NONMAGICIAN. SO YOU KNOW ME. I'M VERY SHAQ-TICAL IN MY PLANNING. I LISTEN WHEN LEGENDS TALK, AND YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT TEAMWORK. UH-HUH. SO I'M-A NEED A PARTNER, ANOTHER FAMOUS MAGICIAN. WHO'S THAT? <i>(drumroll)</i> IT ALMOST LOOKED LIKE YOU POINTED TO TELLER THERE. THAT'S WHO I WANT. OH, NO, NO, NO. WELL, THIS IS A-- THIS IS A COMPLETE, ABSOLUTE UNBREAKABLE TEAM. IT'S PENN & TELLER. THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES. LISTEN... (whispers) SHAQ & TELLER. NO, IT SOUNDS AWFUL. (normal voice) OH, NO. SHH. IT SOUNDS TERRIBLE. YOU KNOW, WHEN I COMPETE AGAINST PEOPLE, I LIKE TO PUT A LITTLE STAKES ON IT. HOW ABOUT THIS-- YOU GIVE ME TELLER. IF I DON'T WIN, YOU GET TO HAVE MY JET FOR ONE NIGHT. IT'S THE FASTEST JET IN THE AIR, TAKE YOU ANYWHERE-- IF YOU BEAT ME. SO I GOTTA DO A TRICK BY MYSELF, YOU DO A TRICK, SHAQ & TELLER? YES. YES. AND WE'LL DO IT IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE, LET THEM DECIDE. IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE, YES. OKAY. <i>(bell dings)</i> (Penn & Teller laugh) SHAQ & TELLER. OH, DEAR. YOU'VE GOT A CHANCE. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU, SIR. ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU LATER. YOU GON' GIVE ME THE TRICK AND SHOW ME THE SECRET OF THE TRICK? I KNOW I GOT THIS ONE. I AIN'T EVEN TRIPPIN'. OOH, FEELING GOOD. TRAITOR. WELL, SHAQ NOW WORKING WITH A SILENT PARTNER. DEFINITELY. SO HOW DID SHAQ DO IN THIS SLIGHTLY UNUSUAL CHALLENGE? WE'LL FIND OUT AFTER THE BREAK. THAT'S RIGHT. THE MAN OF STEEL WILL TAKE ON PENN & TELLER AT THE RIO ALL-SUITES HOTEL & CASINO ON "SHAQ VS." ON ABC. BUT BEFORE THAT HAPPENS, LET'S SEE WHAT WENT DOWN WHEN THE GREAT SHAQ-DINI TOOK ON PENN & TELLER. SO NOW THAT I CHALLENGED PENN, THE DYNAMIC O OF SHAQ & TELLER HAS TO PERFORM. SO I GOTTA GET MY PRACTICE IN 'CAUSE I GOTTA MAKE SURE THE CROWD GOES CRAZY AFTER MY PERFORMANCE. THIS IS THE TRICK? SO HOW DOES THIS WORK? (mouths words) OH, SLOW DOWN. SLOW DOWN. IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PENN & TELLER, TELLER DOESN'T TALK... AT ALL. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? WHERE YOU GOING? (mouths words) TELLER, MY MAN, SAY SOMETHIN'. YOU GOTTA HELP ME OUT NOW. SUPPOSED TO BE A TEAM. (mouths word) WHO YOU CALLING? JOHNNY? HE SHOWS ME A PICTURE OF A GUY. THE GUY HAPPENS TO BE JOHNNY THOMPSON, LEGEND IN VEGAS. JOHNNY. YES, THIS IS SHAQ. HOW ARE YOU DOING, SIR? CAN YOU HELP US, PLEASE? THIS GUY JOHNNY IS LIKE THE GREAT-GRANDFATHER OF ALL MAGICIANS. MAN, THIS CAT JUST COMES OUT OF NOWHERE. I'M LIKE, "HEY, MAN." HEY, GUYS. HEY, JOHNNY. YOU SCARED ME, MAN. HEY. HOW YOU DOING, SHAQ? HOW'D YOU DO THAT? WHERE'D YOU COME FROM? WELL, THAT'S MY BUSINESS. SO I HEAR WE'RE GONNA DO LIFTOFF. YES. JOHNNY SHOWED ME WHAT THE TRICK LIFTOFF WAS ALL ABOUT. TELLER, GET IN POSITION INSIDE THE BOX. BASICALLY, TO PUT IT IN A NUTSHELL, YOU GOT THREE BOXES. SO HERE YOU'LL SAY "BLAST OFF." UH-HUH. YOU'RE GONNA CLOSE THE DOOR, LIFT IT UP, PUT IT DOWN. TELLER'S IN THE BOXES, SO NOW I GOTTA SEPARATE THE BOX. (Johnny) TAKE IT OVER. SET IT DOWN ON ITS END. AND I TAKE THE WAIST ANPUT IT THERE AND A HAND COMES OUT OF THE STOMACH. OH, MY GOD. COME ON OVER. KICK THE TOP AND BOTTOM. BOY, YOU'RE GOOD ALREADY. TURN IT OVER, T IT HERE. (mouths words) NOW YOU CLOSE IT. YOU PICK IT UP AND MOVE IT OVER TO HERE. OKAY. POPS AGAIN. YOU'LL CLOSE IT. NOW YOU GONNA MAYBE JUST MOVE IN TIME RIGHT NOW... OKAY UNTIL YOU SEE THESE LEGS KICK OUT, LIKE SO. YEAH. IT WAS A LOT OF CLICKING AND CLACKING AND ROTATION AND MOVEMENTS. THAT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME. CLICK CLACK, PULL IT BACK. CLICK CLACK. (mutters) I ADMIT, I HAVE A HORRIBLE SHORT-TERM MEMORY. SO I'M MAKING UP SONGS. ¶ TAKE THE HEAD OFF, PUT IT ON THE FLOOR ¶ ¶ SECOND THING, ROTATE A LITTLE MORE ¶ ¶ NOW GET THE OTHER ONE, FLIP IT ON THE SIDE ¶ ¶ TAKE THE HEAD BACK. NOW YOU GOT A RIDE ¶ ¶ LOOK AT THE CROWD, LEGS COME OUT ¶ ¶ PUT THE LEGS IN, FLIP IT ALL ABOUT ¶ ¶ DON'T FORGET THE FOOT THING, PUT IT ALL BACK ¶ ¶ VOILà, BOOM, DAMN, SHAQ ¶ BOY, YOU'RE GOOD. (laughs) I FINALLY GET IT, SO HE'S GIVING ME THE CONFIDENCE TO KNOW THE TRICK. WHEN THE CURTAINS OPEN, THERE AIN'T NOTHING TO TALABOUT. IT'S GONNA BE THE SHAQ & TELLER SHOW TONIGHT. <i>(man over P.A.) LADIES</i> <i>AND GENTLEMEN--SHAQ & TELLER.</i> (cheering) WELCOME, WELCOME. WELCOME TO YOUR FIRST AND ONLY ANNUAL SHAQ & TELLER SHOW. I AM SHAQ, AND THIS IS MY SEXY PARTNER TELLER. TURN AROUND SO THEY CAN SEE IT. (sting plays) SEXY TELLER. (woman) WHOO! ALL GHT. SEE, I'M GONNA DO MY TRICK WITH TELLER, AND THEN PENN IS GONNA DO ONE OF HIS MAGIC TRICKS, AND THEN WE'RE GONNA LET THE AUDIENCE DECIDE. HIT IT. <i>(big band music playing)</i> heering and laughing) <i>(man) BLAST OFF.</i> <i>(man) ¶ FIRST STAGE,</i> <i>YOU REALLY BLEW MY MIND ¶</i> <i>¶ NEXT STAGE ¶</i> <i>¶ I REACHED</i> <i>BUT COULD NOT FIND ¶</i> <i>¶ HUH! ¶</i> I'M SEEING A ROUTINE IN MY HEAD. ¶ ALL RIGHT ¶ (scatting) <i>BLAST OFF.</i> <i>¶ BLAST OFF ¶</i> EVERYTHING WAS RIGHT, PERFECT. <i>¶ NO RELATIVITY ¶</i> <i>¶ IN MY GALAXY ¶</i> <i>BLAST OFF.</i> <i>¶ LIFTOFF TO LOVE ¶</i> <i>¶ LIFTOFF TO LOVE ¶</i> <i>¶ LIFTOFF TO LOVE ¶</i> <i>¶ LIFTOFF TO LOVE! ¶</i> <i>BLAST OFF.</i> (knock on door) (laughter) OHH, THIS IS WHOO, BAD. THIS IS SO BAD THAT IF I EVER TRY TO COME BACK AND GET A MAGIC CARD, THEY GON' SHUT THE DOOR. "WHO IS IT?" "IT'S SHAQ. I WANNA LEARN SOME MAGIC." "NO." <i>(door opens and closes)</i> (laughter) GO BACK TEN YEARS LATER. "WHO IS IT?" "IT'S SHAQ." "NO." <i>(door opens and closes)</i> TRY TO COME FROM THE BACK, THROW ON A BEARD. "HEY, MY NAME IS TONY." "NO. BEAT IT, SHAQ." <i>(door opens and closes)</i> THAT WAS THE WORST MAGIC TRICK EVER. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IT WAS SO BAD, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. BUT IN MY MIND I'M THINKING, YO, IF PENN MESSES UP, MAYBE I HAVE A CHANCE. COME ON. SHAQ DID A PRETTY GREAT JOB, DIDN'T HE? (cheering) MY TURN. COME ON OUT, SHAQ. (cheering) (laughs) (chewing gum) NOW, SHAQ, I HAVE HERE A PERFECTLY ORDINARY DECK OF CARDS. ALL THE CARDS ARE DIFFERENT. NO TRAPDOORS, NO NOTHING IN THERE. I'M JUST GONNA RIFFLE DOWN THE DECK, SHAQ. WHENEVER YOU WANT, YOU JUST SAY "STOP." STOP. RIGHT THERE, NEAR THE TOP. TAKE A LOOK THAT CARD. SHOW IT TO THE CAMERA. SHOW IT TO THE AUDIENCE. MEMORIZE IT. (Shaquille) FIRST HE TELLS ME TO PICK A CARD, SO I GET THE CARD. HE TELLS ME TO TAKE MY CARD AND SHOW IT TO THE CROWD. YOU GIVE 'EM A SHUFFLE, SHAQ. OH, NO, KEEP RIGHT THERE. I'M GONNA SHOW YOU THE NEXT PROPS WE'RE GONNA BE USING. I'M SURE YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH ONE OF THESE. WE HAVE HERE, UH-- THANK YOU, GEORGIE. WE HAVE A BASKETBALL HERE. HE GETS A BASKETBALL. HE'S MAKING JOKES. HE'S LAUGHING AT ME, LIKE, "I'M GONNA BE ON YOUR PLANE." THESE ARE MY TEAMMATES THERE, SHAQ. WOULD YOU HAND THEM THE CARDS, PLEASE, THE CARDS THAT YOU SHUFFLED? NOW MY TEAM... WILL SPREAD THE CARDS OUT ON THE FLOOR. THEY ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN TELLER, SHAQ. (laughter) THEY ARE SO MUCH BETTER. NOW, SHAQ, WATCH THIS. A LITTLE BIT OF GUM RIGHT THERE. OKAY, SHAQ, HERE WE GO. SO HE'S DRIBBLIN' AND HE'S LOOKING AT ME... (laughs) LAUGHING. DRIBBLE. (laughs) I GOT IT. ON THE THIRD BOUNCE, HE PICKS THE BALL UP. AND, SHAQ, IS THAT YOUR CARD? THE THREE OF CLUBS. (cheering) I WAS LIKE, "YOU SHOW-OFF." HE'S A PERFECTIONIST. I WAS DONE. I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF THAT BUILDING THAT NIGHT. (laughs) I THINK, UH, WE GOT THE PLANE, DON'T YOU THINK? BUT WE'LL DO A VOTE HERE. SO ONE MORE TIME FOR SHAQ & TELLER. (cheering) AND MORE TIME FOR THE CLEAR WINN-- PENN JILLETTE! (cheering loudly) I GOTTA CATCH A REGULAR FLIGHT HOME.
Info
Channel: urigellarfan
Views: 4,702,231
Rating: 4.6712456 out of 5
Keywords: shaq, vs, versus, penn, teller, magic, lift, off, s02e02
Id: Qn4KeeB9o3s
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 11min 58sec (718 seconds)
Published: Sat Aug 14 2010
Reddit Comments

The Amazing James Randi makes a cameo!

👍︎︎ 8 👤︎︎ u/Frotch 📅︎︎ Aug 14 2015 🗫︎ replies

I like the original much more tbh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEB50IfgkA4

The script for this new segment was full of so much cringe, like there was never a competition and everyone knows it, so the stuff Shaq is talking about is just... pointless and kind of dull tbh. I'm impressed Teller still has no problem performing this particular trick with all the crazy manuvering- they could have come up with a better set-up for Shaq's guest appearance. Was he really that inept he couldn't do a trick there are youtube videos of 1st graders executing flawlessly? What was this travesty :/

👍︎︎ 5 👤︎︎ u/AvidLebon 📅︎︎ Aug 14 2015 🗫︎ replies

Just when I thought I found a really tall person, Shaq proves me wrong.

👍︎︎ 1 👤︎︎ u/NoBruh 📅︎︎ Aug 14 2015 🗫︎ replies
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