I don't know what the fuck you want from me, old man, but... allow me to at least give you the sweet release of death. The most precious gift I could give to someone such as yourself, stuck in a dungeon. You know, he lost his faculties! This is what happens when you're in an old moldy, crusty, rotted dungeon. Your brain starts to go funny. You start saying strange things... Ain't that right, Carl? "No" [bursts into laughter] My whole train of thought, thrown off by a sentient fucking corruption... [corrupted Pikachu sounds] SH2DOW MAN, now this would be his online handle. I like MAN and SNAKE, these are really good- These are really good villains in the Mega Man universe. MANC? Alright, I'm a big fan of MANC. [corrupted music] [laughter intensifies as Mega Man passes through the ground] Eat a dick, Mega Man. [music repeats itself] [Michael Jackson noises] Oh, look! They get to dance together. That's nice. [corrupt Pikachu sounds] [screams in agony] [corrupted beeping] Run! Go away, Mario! Run away, run away! The corruption is coming! A nice Sunday drive until- Oh, OH FUCK! [laughter] It's the entire level! Come on, that was the entire level all at once. [Rendition of the Star Wars theme where all the horns are out of sync and off key] So, it just sounds like traffic. Yeah, it just sounds like people honking their horns in Manhattan. "THE LIGHT'S GREEN, ASSHOLE! C'MON!" [drumming intensifies] This drummer is fucking mental. Best drums. [the Cantina band continues to mess up] [music suddenly stops] I just killed the band member. I killed the last band member. This is what the game could have used more of: Baby Mario vocal remixes. Thank you. [one of the instruments is replaced by Baby Mario crying] So, what is the ultimate life form... it's- it's a bunch of- Oh my god! Yoshi is monkeys. It's just a bunch of monkeys together. I don't understand how this works. I'm good at this game. Why am I sinking? What? Oh, no. Man, I did not want to see this tonight. The last thing I needed was a naked turtle on my stream. He likes it. Fucking... disgusting turtle. [bursting laughter] What is his face! Yoshi, please! Kooper nightmare fuel- Oh my god! What happened to this Kooper? This is devil Kooper. I don't like it. Whoa, the censorship in Nintendo games... was out of control even in the 90s. [laughs] Yoshi's trippin' balls. Yoshi has done it, but he's fucked up. [laughter] Woah, woah. Woah, woah? What, what WOAH!? Triple De, RIGHT HERE! What's going on!? Dededededededededededede? Another one!? It's quadruple De! This is not possible. But why is this happening? Why are there so many De- There's too many of them! [the BGM's instruments are vocal
sound effects] [uproarious laughter] It sounds like a seal having a fucking intense, glitchy orgasm. And what in the name of Christ is this now? Woah-kay. Conker: "CLEAR THE AREA!" [machine gun noises, screaming] What the fuck!? This is the Matrix parody scene, oh my- oh my god. Conker: "How does she do that?" (laughter) How does she do that? That's perfect Conker, thank you. Conker's doing the commentary so I don't have to. [heavy grunting] Yes. Her ass is um... context-sensitive, yes. [laughter] Conker straight up turned that kid into a wad of cash! [corrupted music] Title music has turned into a MIDI. Welcome to corruptions for GameCube! [imitates Luigi] Hmm, this is a good map! [normal voice] Sheets of clown vomit. I guess... you're scared stiff. Which is just great. [laughter]
Luigi: "Hello?" [even more laughter] Who's holding the flashlight!? It's haunted before we even get in! Uh, j-just... Smoothing out Toad's face real quick. I'm just buffing the face off of Toad. ["Vacuuming up Ghosts" music ] What's this music? Kind of reminds me of like a pizza shop in fast-forward. [laughter] So this one... [chuckle] He says- [bursts into laughter] Holy shit! Paper Luigi! Luigi is a motorboat. Luigi has enough horsepower to get him to the hidden island in GoldenEye. This one's called "Luigi is Satin", but I think it was meant to be spelled Satan. [imitates voices] Mario: Luigi, what'd you do to your dick? Luigi: I dunno Mario, what do you mean? Mario: I know you're into the modification stuff, but did you have to put a flashlight in there? Luigi: I thought it was unique! [normal voice, laughter] Is he like, trying to do like a cutscene? I think he's trying to do an animation. Normally, you make Luigi's flashlight go up and down, but in this case, it just rolls you. It just does like a little aileron roll. What the fuck is going on with these beautiful and crispy textures? I didn't know the GameCube was capable of such textures. Look at how sharp they are! Yeah that's- that is psychedelic. The water texture is psychedel- oh my god. What is it reflecting? Aaaand now I finished washing their faces off of them, and they're squeaky-clean! Uh, um... [bursts into uproarious laughter] [imitates Mario] I don't remember my Mario being that stretchy! [tries to suppress laughter, fails] Step right up, come on, you know; Come on, it's time to do the wall dance! [normal voice] Nice. Very minimalist. Super Waxio Sunshine. It's like a full, like, bodysuit, like a skin tight bodysuit. [music stutters] Mario's got an outfit now. [Russian accent] He's wearing a tracksuit. He just got back from Moscow. [normal voice] What happened to- what happened to this Pianta's boobs? Also, Pianta feet confirmed for dicks. So this is Luigi Kart 64... Okay, this is pretty good. [laughter] Oh. Oh yeah, well there you go, that explains a lot. Oh, okay. We're pumping, we're pumping! Long [gibberish] garben. "The Great Deku Tree Lhasbsummone-" What the fuck is this text? [a flute does a heavy vibrato as it fades out] [laughter] ["surprise Theremin"] That's the best instrument. Oh my god. "Mido told Saria he u" No one's me. There we go. Now that's the type of shit I'm looking for. [the guitar plays the wrong notes at the wrong times] [laughter] Holy shit! M-mm-man... Oh, um... wow. That's interesting. That is certainly interesting. Alright, where is he? There he is! THERE HE IS! Thwomp the almighty fast. Jesus. So this is Koopa the Quick now. What the fuck are you? Holy shit! Who's talking to the other goombas - holy shit. [Mario] The only way you get better is if you race a deformed clone version of yourself, Luigi. Come on time to d-dent… Come on now, it's time to go… It's time to die. [heavy drumming] [laughter] Kooper the Quicks with no shells. Truly, this is the newest field of Koopers. Also, they have, like, babies with them, you notice that? This is like, Pond of Koopers. OHHHH! I just punched a Kooper in the face and it's dead. I'm killing their babies. Wow. Yeah, this is good. Oh, wow, what the fuck? Yeah, this is a new level of N64 corruptions. There should- I-I've never seen a corruption... import a cannon onto the slide. [echo] ♪ Major Tom to ground control ♪ ["So long, eh, Bowser!"] Figures I would get that. My actual playthrough, I fucked it up so many times. [laughter] That is nice. Mario really does take after Lanky Kong. OHHHHH-kay. They're- they're inside of each other. They go inside baby Mario and they stretch the skin- Wha- OHHHHHHHHHH-kay!!! [Mario] Luigi, when you were inside our mother, We had another brother... his name was Ernest. You took him with you, but not in the right way, Luigi! [high-pitched] Wh-What the fuck? What the fuck? [laughter] He just stomped out baby Mario. He went back in time and stomped him out. Who skinned Diddy Kong alive? Why would you do this? You fucking monster. And again with the arm. What the fuck have you been doing Luigi? [laughter] This is amazing! This might be one of the best- this might be one of the best things I've ever seen. This truly is Speed Luigi. [Luigi] Mario! I'm really fast! Let me do this! That's why you don't skip leg day. You just fucking keep running, and you keep running until you become as swole as Luigi. Baby Mario is pushing Baby Luigi, which is a nice reversal of what's happening here. It's… This might be one of the best corruptions I've ever seen... that works! We go- [music glitches out] what. Now what the fuck is this!? This was not part of the corruption! I was not told about this. No, stop it... [laughter] Waluigi's in a T-pose! Kart's empty! The kart's empty, and Waluigi is in a T-pose. I gotta- I gotta catch up. Now my kart's empty. [music stutters] Now, like, goddammit… Stop... stop, please. This is a bootleg of Sonic on the NES. [music flatlines] [Dirge Hill Zone] Sonic has passed. *sigh* Moment of silence, please. We'll always remember you, Sonic. Ohh, oh... oh... uh oh... This is just getting a little bit... uncomfortable. [Painful noises] I dunno, this version of Mario Brothers kinda sucks. It's like no one tested it for fun. There it is, there's a flagpole! I need it. Gimme that. Gimme that flagpole-
YES! With 16 seconds- And dead. [music repeats itself] [beatboxing]
That "Sonic has passed" bit managed to be spookier than that Sonic.EXE bullshit has ever been. (Aside from that one romhack maybe?)
"NO"