Very best of Eddie Murphy's funniest scenes

I'm not gonna hurt anybody I don't want no trouble no no trouble I just I'm sorry I just just want some chips I want some chips that's all I don't want the kids see chip that's it turn that over man it's burning it's burning over it's burning oh that's right right on time I bet you thought I've forgotten your Christmas bonus there you are five dollars maybe I'll go to the movies by myself half of it is from me thank you mr. Martin your head she's 16 years old I named Michelle Mosely thank you so much Chandler now let's let's talk about tortoises Judy what have we got here this is great oh this is Teddy and he's 80 years old baby darling one kiss my ass I'm trying to find this girl okay I named Michelle Moses she was last seen on violin down in North Hollywood she had on a sweater and a skirt I'd appreciate if you contacted me at four six eight eight four nine two if you have a negative shut up man do you have any information that leads to the finding of this girl I'd appreciate if you contact yo hey if you don't put the camera I'll bust your ass man leave the camera Cheryl Mosely Chandler Jarrell 24 hours a day for six eight eight four nine two now you can talk about whatever you want to talk about with the person would have excuse me thank you it was Chandler Jarrell well I understand what you've had a sex change am I not all your dreamed I would be Oh fine beautiful is just that if we're going to be married talk to each other get to know you ever since I was born I've been trained to serve you yes I know this but I would like to know about you what do you like what kind of music do whatever kind of music you like I know what I like and I know you know what I like what you're trained to know what I like but I would like to know what you'd like for instance do you have a favorite group yeah good what is your favorite food whichever food you like this is the possible listen from this moment on I command you not to obey No are you saying that no matter what I tell you to do you will do yes you anything I saw you do yes your highness ah I see the two of you are getting along excuse me you did your doctoral thesis on my husband yes miss Johnson your husband was a very great man he did so much to help my people I remember the time you said that that welfare is a drug and you have to kick it like cold turkey and at the time I was on welfare and I did just that it expired my life very inspirational but really I'm sure it people I am I was actually in the audience one day when you looked out and you said if you'd people just get off your dead asses and go out and look for work maybe America can be a decent place to live in again and inspired I got maybe move my ass and a post with that on my wall now that show it all my relatives and friends Negroes really you know it's very kind of you to come all the way from where was it the Wilson Pickett State Teachers College man I didn't just come here to pay my respects to your husband I came here because because your husband deserves an archive where students can can study his legacy so you want his papers not just his papers ma'am I would like all buttons and posters and bumper stickers and all the campaign paraphernalia you can spare ma'am I know you may have a sentimental attachment to a lot of these things and you might take them pardon me take them all you want the wedding photos too oh I don't know if I think that's necessary that's lucky so you won't have to go rooting around in the garbage Oh you're in pretty good shape for a professor do you work out my ass yeah hey wait a sec if you take a hundred you take the hundred no that's for no cz $1 see $1 see you see the George Washington that's Benjamin Franklin that's not happening is this you got the wrong money can I have my money back you gave me the wrong necklace too and breaking my hot wife oh you speak English just fine how there's a lot of it listen give them a hundred back take this towel and take this to give me right monkey back pure face peacock turtles fine okay tell you what just give me my you take your watch hash pocket sticky little best you want your money cake you see a little naked man running around with a $100 bill I've arranged for your attorneys first you didn't see a little naked bum with $100 dad keeps doing the tights advantage that's why I'm wearing these but me clothes yeah to make sure that dude had his payroll before I made my move Taylor said you could yank kind of a knife but you told me last night you cut to do these I come in I am a chain belt kung-fu loosely was my teacher watch this let's call the quarter blood technique you do that a quarter blur but drop out a person buddy tell her you beat on the cop when no cop man was cops it's blur nine ten cup she got the ten captain had to chain the whole strategy around yo when they brought you in here and booked you you was crying like a yeah that's cause there's one the cops fair to take ass in my face and that's the kind of they use on crabs man I still walk from here like a man so get out my face all right I mean you you beatin up on a man you putting a man in the hospital how come I don't see no marks on you yeah cuz I'm a karate man all right karate man bruise on the inside they don't show their weaknesses but you don't know that gives you a big bear white lookin now get off my back all right wish my hurry up and get me ain't got no time to be sitting inside the sandwich what is your mr. big time hell yeah did not tell you at the phone and my limousine is busted if I can't get the contact with my yeah the phone in the limo with busted what did you even and let's sit down all right it ain't cool being no jive Turkey so close to Thanksgiving you've all I don't know what you doing I can see that already you know you're with you know you with a back the up back up you know you wit and style never fall under knife blow Billy Ray Valentine yes movin it make bail I did okay now what the do you want we desire rule keep em not be wasting my time you got money come on in gentlemen excuse me if I was bruss but sometimes we get boo-boos in here without a dollar today Nate obviously you gentlemen came in on another boat we seek meager accommodations excuse me Brenda I'm stepping out for a few minutes yeah Brenda don't pull my hair cuz you you may get some of this down you uh Brenda I've changed my mind I'm expecting a call from Joe Warburton chairman Dodge is on line two no speak of the devil put him through afternoon's jamming skeet I have I need a straight answer from you Skeeter is the White House on your back about power lines we off the record mr. chairman of course but I had hoped to go up to Hyannis Port this weekend to spend some time with Tish and do some sailing but I don't think I'm going to be able to because I'm spending a lot of time here in the office writing testimony to your committee on cancer clusters well I appreciate your candor Skeeter anything to me you have this chairman and take off the rest of the week please Brenda we have come to ask for the sacred cross daughter of a jaunty for what reason for the golden child he does not need it to save his life the child lives for our sakes not for his own I humbly beg you let us have the knife let him ask it haha what the night any mask is your home uh-huh right it belongs to you yeah I'll live in my like my home is very nice that's very nice tasting house is everything you see in this room is yours how does my stuff your own personal front my own personal you understand this mine yeah I like that yeah you know I like most about my place Randy the curtains man look at the cars it's beautiful the way I got this place set up man this is unmethylated the cabinet thing went mad beautiful yeah I suppose uh you don't just give me the TV set for free right that's right uh-huh everything in here is mine huh oh I get this area on my free too huh absolutely nothing too much for me man you know I can really dig it ran you know why this kind of thing happened to me every week this is your house these are your personal possessions you will only be steaming you can eat all the things you always sexy mr. Whitney you said you'd be alone what is he doing here what is he a cop you wearing a wire you wearing a goddamn wire relax mr. Whitney I'm not wired yeah fun it's her hands off me hey man I told you is okay is not Wyatt look there's no wire here no wire you can trust them yeah they've got you got fire engines on his drawers this is a good man that cool it I thought you said out the bonus stay in the pan yes but you must know when to break the rules well how many people have some badges test none I'm a break dad I know I know I'm permitted to phone calls just point me to the phone take off your clothes now wait a minute I know my rights take off your clothes you are making a career decision here now you'd better think about it because it's something that you are going to have to live with for the rest of your life hmm strip you little before I tell you a new did you hear what this man said to me now I have witnesses this man is physically threatening me get the money out stay cool nobody gets hurt take the phony out all of it don't stall me fat boy let's go come on which in my time now come on come on anybody move out blow your head off what are you looking at buddy come on stop stalling come on don't stall me all of it come on come on excuse me for a moment it would be wise for you to put the weapon down who the is this please refrain from using any further obscenities in the presence of these people what I've warned you I'll be forced to thrash you you freeze you diseased rhinoceros pizzle the context of a palace you can answer your chemist and it's all including mine tickle hello I Limburger cheese wouldn't you boy if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black this man's obviously a lunatic I'm calling security put that phone down hello security Merry Christmas try to rob me plant drugs on me was steal my house my car my job you know I ought to kill him right now Hey look man this is a big misunderstanding all right I don't know nothing about your house in your car and your job really can you put that gun away will you ask to do put that gun away at once went off you lost your mind pretty slimeball look I realize this whole experience must have been rather unsettling for you when you talk don't be weak and a train yeah you'll be sorry you'll all be very very sorry look the girl doesn't like you anymore can't you get that through your greasy head but you told me to come over now where were we I warned you didn't I dotty kitty hey whoa hey I certainly hope there's enough space on the train for me Nikki mega moco from Cameroon you remember me it's Lionel Joseph learn from the African education conference right Simon I was director of cultural events at the Haile Selassie Pavillion I remember the pavilion we have big move away ha ha ha ha more cockamamie cigar smoke no more Swedish meatballs they're cut see and no more phony Irish whiskey more god damn jerky beef the fire he's over party's over hey come on what do you mean the party's over it's not even 10 o'clock you dummy hey come on loosen up man it's almost through Year's Eve

Channel: Jason Morris

Views: 5,966,018

Rating: 4.5666704 out of 5

Keywords: Very, best, of, Eddie, Murphy, funny, scenes

Id: eCFpVhTzIfA

Length: 20min 9sec (1209 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 16 2011