Chris Tucker Funny Moments

[Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] summer where's Kim then Dan here oh what a Harriet look man we had a meeting in ain't got time to wait I gotta come on over here I gotta pick mine up here man and I came to pick money right yeah look at you telling when they give you Johnny boo stop by to pick up the money for angina weeds okay that's what stripper for the bachelor party oh yeah they told me that you'll be stopping by and so pay you if you can pop this tip oh let me see they're gonna see they cook ready first we knock out money they don't blame me like hang on I'm when I handle man wait blame em I got em already oh okay all right I don't know you man same time I don't know you okay [ __ ] now you know the price is gonna be here still the hotel right cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo okay you tell play you tell play and Jenna gonna be here Friday night all right and look at you tell them I need the rest of my money man I old people couple my girls got killed in a car wreck all right break yourself oh look what you did to my Kurt better watch when do you climb in a fool for you getting blasted on wait what you ain't got nothing man what this yeah will you get that from your mama [ __ ] you [ __ ] you come on outside man stop playing gotta get dressed yeah tell me to hurry up so big one how much you got left you still ain't so that we've smokey to work [ __ ] are broke these days I don't think you applying yourself smokey you smoking my [ __ ] smoking my [ __ ] now why would I do some [ __ ] like that smokey okay with my money it's like playing with my emotions Wow I still for my mama before I mess with your [ __ ] and you know this man we'll see oh man just got me a new place man hate my neighbors man I got neighbors the bar [ __ ] all the time you ever had a neighbor that borrow your [ __ ] I keep it so long you have to borrowed back trip man whatever happened to pimps man what if Michael Jackson was a pen should be him and Tito be riding around in a Cadillac and [ __ ] sir on Tito Tito damn is that my home with that sitting on the curve let me out girl you've been out here all day ten people just jumped out at Trump I would start handling all of them just started throwing them everywhere then two stupid cops came out of nowhere messed everything up and then I regroup I had to say they life it might be in the paper that get anything that way anyway I saved a life and then I would start running to trying to get the bomb I don't believe he went without me hey on the top y'all later all right i'ma take the best part nobody will work with you man but you're the only cop in the department without a partner look look first of all if you want to go out on a date with me you have to wait on the list like every other woman okay and second of all I work alone I don't want no partner I don't need no partner then go never had no partner hey coach I got one yeah the fat guy well you want to never win him look good Columbo have a partner captain you ordered me to go with you on that bus because you needed bomb squad backup but once again you screwed me and you screwed yourself look Johnson it's dangerous out there safe for you to be right here behind the desk you know we were supposed to be on the same team team Johnson just to LAPD we the most hated cops in all the free world oh mama shaming me she tell everybody I'm a drug dealer ain't no team it's a pit stop for me baby I'm on the verge of leaving all y'all suckers behind Oh actually you're on the verge of being suspended have a nice day Johnson somebody Tojo's new suspense good playing good I know you play justice my Tojo's needs to well even if I had an extra man who wouldn't want such a [ __ ] assignment no is it disgrace to me to disgrace to my department it's a disgrace to Dan I'm sending someone right over you know I wouldn't do nothing like that they over saturate you know how to pay because they just want a story two officers were shot one man lost a pinkie what did nobody die you destroyed half a city block that block was already messed up and you lost a lot of evidence what you did was dangerous and completely against policy and not only that you did a good job what everyone around here is so image conscious everybody's so afraid of their own goddamn shadow it's nice to meet an LA detective who's willing to lay it on the line ever so often we have to let the general public know that we can still blow [ __ ] up good right that's only our cap hmm so that mean I against the Spaniard suspender you don't need no acid it's got a call from the FBI a ten-year-old daughter of a Chinese diplomat was kidnapped this morning and they want you in the case FBI will me that's right stop lying I don't lie - I'm telling the truth thank ya whoa graduations Carter you are going to the show hey I ain't gonna let you down I'm gonna look out for you when I go to the top menu miss I ready I didn't I'm gonna be working a big big case for the FBI you know I still can't believe you graduated man glad we a school shake it he spit their blood I'm about to get my pimp hang on started you know I got so many hold on man I gotta get an assistant pimp just to keep in track of you know make sure they on the right Street [ __ ] please give me white are you always talking about this pimp stuff no was that man cuz he's written him a pen hip and running my family my great great granddad it was a slave he was a pimp using air hose because kind of a feeling he didn't have to do [ __ ] for you better be careful man they're gonna catch something skin watch that's all right [ __ ] I was born by the [ __ ] I died about a [ __ ] don't worry about what the [ __ ] I do it's good superstition hell no for you sure man your stupid-ass jinx are you talking about Uncle Sam man [ __ ] one now I told you did I do that day right now for the past a giant man I am dead serious man - Popo tripping them in ever since the old days [ __ ] man I was just rolling down the street wanting doing nothing they gonna pull me over man I'm Seri miles just livin get old fabulous man I had five of my finest hoes man I was like cool behind me head like could not become skinny they may be saying what you call him back up for me in there but around here for this between me and you ain't even do that I got my life in my registration everything what's up man what's up he started trippin that's when I slap around and I took his handcuffs right now for him I put his handcuffs on him put him in the back seat of my car so I'm gonna take y'all ass to jail cuz you know I'm trippin around here you understand me try to man brought me grab my keys just Jack me up man no it was like grab him it was trippin it was riding it was slinging I hit like that we farmer that French fighter come to what set you claim you know you mess with man I'm deep in the streets I slap people for fun that's what I do mine you wanna play rough up mess with me I guess the fun [ __ ] we poked [ __ ] you full of [ __ ] I'm gonna kick your ass well nobody do that with me cap I don't think this is funny no I'm serious captain I'm planning you need to call the FBI tell them you made a mistake I can't do that Carter I'm sure that you and mr. Lee will have a nice time together I'm warning you man you better call the FBI I'm gonna drop his ass up at Panda Express you drop this case Carter you're suspended for two months for that Bay all right will you forget about being mad in congratulations Carter looks like you finally got yourself a partner one little piggy get blowed off me everybody Chinese consul I don't care for the girl like you [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] I must get to the counselor what are we doing here it's called a shakedown there says police work and just watch me out of my business of controlled space I want to help with the investigation this is my case you okay you can back me up when we get in here you follow my lead and do what I do okay what's up my [ __ ] what's up this is we what you got person for this yeah where is it where is it oh well I stick your where's do you know what it is cigarette this [ __ ] we'd look like a cigarette you better head back home I do [Music] [Music] all right let me see your badge buddy yeah [Laughter] [Music] Roger hey I'm Shane some greasy [ __ ] ain't got no better food like some chicken wings some baby back ribs some fries or some Chinese for no so foot here I didn't say nothin bout no soul food I said you got some better food I don't want that greasy [ __ ] how you gonna sell a big box of grease I'm Jeannie oh but I'm no Punk Beach I know punk [ __ ] nice and open [Music] that is another house man average oh you may know me me Dallas leaving his baby that's it let me spend a night anytime you know Hank I don't wanna throw us on broke broke as a [ __ ] I'm so broke if a [ __ ] rob me he'll just be pressed [Applause] it's [ __ ] up man buddy you can't even think no more everybody's at these other day I robbed a stove came back out a [ __ ] done stole my car [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] I'm sitting in jail but the [ __ ] didn't even know it [ __ ] me but no all it's awesome [Music] [Applause] no you robbed though [Music] and I need money I ride a [ __ ] to me now yeah I Robert okay I robbed three [ __ ] one time I'm in sticking wrong my mama goddamn here I'll put him up give me birth give me bars what you're doing my brothers pictures in your pocketbook [Applause] [Music] [Applause] man you let that [ __ ] go on the day she don't take me to court I know I get your purse back then and I hate Ryan with my folks I got to get friends because I don't have a car hate waiting on [ __ ] man I hate waiting on people you ever had somebody call you tell you they on their way you call them Magnum [ __ ] still at home [Applause] look at my clothes in the dryer man [Applause] you be mad as a muhfucka Teager there you meet happy smile punk-ass and they always late always say what's up let's get out of here and he got that one light come out with it why might you think it's him like a goatee goatee or not in 1800 teeth a goatee not an 18 she's fun she is my friend with an F capital F it's poor friend yeah hey Cassie said what you guys are doing yeah okay I like it I like it it's good yeah but this goes into something else that's it what is it what is it what is it can I say some do you like no you sure to say it please I think that you should be facing Tiffany let me show you pad let me show you what I mean you gotta come a little bit it's old man you should move to more hipster this is just sort of come in come in like this and go okay it's nothing wrong with that yeah pretty good okay we got it yeah we got it come on man come on little bit more soul black it up yeah what does that mean nuts you're gonna tell me whether yeah my American friend is on vacation I want to show him a good time oh you American yeah you bring American money I got a leak no I got it sure I'm sure thank you you're welcome right this way gentlemen are you ready you ready I'm ready Oh off the hook I love Hong Kong you get to massage from Chinese growth before no but I heard it was the bomb come with me you pick any girl for you and your food any girl any girl okay I don't know where to start I'll take that one right there she got to come oh yes she's very nice she is nice but I hurt my back and my neck and I need a little bit more massage you know so I'm gonna take her in the pink - oh yes and let me get her and even have her can't get her - and her right there right there she go with feet oh yes what are you doing she said I can have any girl I want in here man calm down with me well hurry up what's wrong what you know jump in front of a black man in the buff aid when I calm down what the friend have big appetites please follow her upstairs into the quiet room ain't gonna be no quiet room no more big day what's up smokey nothing what y'all smoking on nothing what you're wrong oh I need to borrow your car right quick what kind of [ __ ] is that most people wanna borrow sugar they even ketchup you want to borrow my car hell no come on let me borrow it you need to borrow a job Joe Brocade oh he's trying to smoke up somebody [ __ ] the hell on felicia remember that remember it write it down take a [ __ ] I don't give a [ __ ] Kri bye Felicia got down imitation piece and with the band I'm the lead singer the ban has been playing for over an hour I beg your pardon that's my band up there I'm the star who else is going to do this can you look can you do this no exactly that's why you're down here and I'm up there don't give me the karate look thank you very much see nobody college yeah sure mm-hmm are you sure yes [ __ ] I'm sure okay no see you'd have gone and done it now okay cuz this scares me come out look this gonna take us the rest of our life [ __ ] else do we go we can go wherever the hell we want to go with this [ __ ] girl I don't think my mind a small country or something maybe this is wrong okay this is wrong this is right it can't get no writer and look this the only way I know how to get out of this [ __ ] on me here's the number for this policeman trying to kill me you want me to call him and tell him I'm answering your shoot my baby ain't gonna be no fugitive you don't want to call the cops that is fine you know maybe that reporter guy can clear this whole thing James Russell yes she like a James Russell [ __ ] him don't give me that look cuz it ain't gonna work I mean give me that look I see you looking at me so you want to tell me how in the world I get into the u.s. smithy do develop it one more time and so you want to tell me how in the world I get into the u.s. meant to use the Prince oh you want to tell those how in the world they break into the duck so you want to tell me how in the world they get into the u.s. minty used of princes whatever you want to tell us how in the world they get into the u.s. mint to use the princes everybody wants you to trust him Mac Donald's got two windows two windows one will you pay and the other one will you get your food [Applause] let it go up to him I got him food [Applause] sir-sir your food is at the next one - calm down take us up there you go get the phone come back [Applause] I gave you my money I want my food I don't know you man I'm tell it that next one that could be another stove fill up there people blowing the horn behind me is I said a plan with people food up here don't get over this [ __ ] but not me you Pope didn't get my food you come back all right y'all dude I ain't going in I'll stay right yeah [Applause] okay my food man don't call the cops on me I believe in cops in here oh yeah I'll blink too much for their cop plate too much okay they play too much hey childish hiding in the woods waiting for somebody to speed you're trying to go to work they playing hide and go see and [ __ ] you got it you hide me [ __ ] just hiding behind some guy [Applause] [Applause] and all that damn noise messing up your hearing and [ __ ] down [Applause] let's top my damned hearing over damn ticket well nobody even kidnapped me [Applause] and kidnappers don't kidnap black kids we too much trouble we ask too many questions we'd be in the backseat asking questions we'll be quiet we'd be scared but we won't know what's going on miss kidnapper mr. kidnapper well we going it's good ever we go eat [Applause] let's get up let's get up keep it ready on a blackberry [Music] [Applause] evil of babyface or Twitter by us up it looks can grab me more crazy goddamn you realize your life is in danger [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] oh you got to see was laying here and hold on to this moment all right I'm gonna tell them I'm going in the trunk to show them the goods when I open the trunk you pop up rack this [ __ ] man [ __ ] that [ __ ] ain't gonna shoot nobody are you saying about you shooting nobody all you got to do is hold on to it they'll get the idea man you must be out of your [ __ ] mind if you think I'm gonna get him this dirty-ass trunk we're going to Koreatown man you ain't gonna be in here no more 10 minutes man I ain't riding no goddamn trunk for no minute man I can't right up front you okay right in front with me the surprise element is 90% of it I'm sorry man but I ain't getting no goddamn trunk I can't believe you do me like this do you like what mattress ain't climbing ain't no goddamn dirty ass trunk man I got a problem with small places no I got a problem spending $10,000 on ungrateful peanut here [ __ ] to get him out of jail but I did it and how small was that jail cell [ __ ] look man I know I owe you you had to bring off your soul meaning get your ass and it struck me I want to help you but I won't be locked in no goddamn trunk of no car you think I want to spend $10,000 on your answer man I know I could help you right so that's what I did no look man all I'm asking you to do is get in the trunk hold this [ __ ] shotgun and point it at the boy here's one out you can't you take off God with this [ __ ] okay okay look I tell you what we get to [ __ ] with cheese gonna ring me and you go to Roscoe's chicken and waffles on me think about it now that's gold special smothered in gravy and ironside or red beans and rice and grains that's a good eat man exactly how long I gotta be in this [ __ ]

Channel: Craig's Corner

Views: 3,722,025

Rating: 4.873971 out of 5

Keywords: Chris Tucker, Chris Tucker funny moments, tucker, christ tucker comedy, chris tucker michael jackson, chris tucker friday, chris tucker house party, chris tucker jackie brown, chris tucker clip, Craig's Corner, Chris Tucker Friday, Chris Tucker Standup, Michael Jackson Pimp

Id: q9YvmSmbmPA

Length: 36min 13sec (2173 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 04 2019