Valentines Special 2012 | Ashens

hello ah nearly Valentine's Day again Valentine's Day of course being a conspiracy by greetings cards companies in order to make lonely people feel even worse about anyway let's have a look at the crap that stores like Poundland fire into our faces at this time each year in order to bolster their profits and supposedly make our day more romantic and let's start by setting the scene with rose petals scatter them on your bed for a night of love yes fake rose petals let's scatter them okay from a company called no angel hmm dodgy connotations if you know about UK law anyway let's scatter them on the sofa to create our love nest hmm not entirely convinced by this well they do look a bit like rose petals I suppose and unlike rose petals won't get caught under the bed and then go mouldy and smell weird for ages whilst you wonder what it is and search around frantically um yeah well let's set a mood I suppose I don't know I just can't get out of my head that this is basically Valentine's Day litter oh well also I wouldn't actually put them on your bed before lovemaking as if you have ever made love you will know you tend to get quite sweaty and they'll stick all over you and there's nothing particularly romantic about your beloved having to pull bits of matted fabric guff off the bottom of their foot anyway let's have a look at some more how shall we put it traditional items that you would perhaps give to somebody who you want to do rude things to and thanks to Poundland who reduce this to 50 P ray we've got a what's written on it sweet mallow rose no just cuz we've got to eat it this isn't going to go well basically if I can ever get it out of the packaging looks like it's been stepped on and good and where that's going the map um yeah it's just like a lump of sugar and gunk which has been fashioned into the shape of a rose very loosely so that you can give your beloved and they can eat it and their teeth will drop out and yeah let's not finish that joke - just get rude um right let's undo it oh dear its high-security packaging these horrible twist ties that's been chromed vac metallized or whatever process they use for chroming twist ties oh dear now this is exciting isn't it already the mood has gone she's got a husband gone home and you're just gonna have to watch a DVD come on and thing I have to cut it on my own oh we've got it hey I say that under advisement Annette hang on I'll get some scissors right there you go I'm in a bad mood now fancy lovemaking just fancy being grumpy right hmm well it looks a bit like a rose I suppose but with Mutants rose interestingly the leaf bit comes off just revealing a lolly stick giving away its true form and there's a really horrible black mark on it there I don't know if you can see that on Canada if you can it looks a bit and I might eat the other side I think oh man there's a hair in it seriously look at you um can you see that it's just in there that's been picked up if you're watching it in HD you can see it in his hair testing look at it it's stuck right in it oh that is no absolutely disgusting under it's down to 50 P I don't think it's a real hair I think some sort of man-made fiber I can't get it out now it's actually baked into it oh oh come on well that's ruin the mood completely now isn't it Valentine's Day is canceled and I've still got to eat this a bit of it I suppose overnight right let's avoid the hair and avoid the dirt i Anderson get is over with hmm fig on the outside on the inside no it's just sugar vitaly's oh it's not that unpleasant by this horrible feeling I'm catching diseases from it due to its filthy hair encrusted nature mmm well there's probably the nicest of the horrible sweet Oh had but yeah when it's actually that dirty that's not a good thing is it anyway keeping with a food theme look at this also reduced to 50 P they reduced everything early this year it saved me a fortune well about 1 pound 50 it's a heart-shaped frying pan love look you can fry an egg in it and it will be in the shape the traditional hard thing love heart-shaped frying pan create heart-shaped fried eggs for your loved ones instructions wash before first use use all our butter to coat pan for cooking do not use in high heat always use haven't gotten oozing pads not suitable for microwaves well that told us well I'm going to hand over to our culinary expert chef excellence for this and for the first time I've let him direct his own sequence where we go you bloody hell I knew I shouldn't have taken him to see the artist what was up a little dodgy focus and the wobbly camera anyone think he has really shaky hands oh right let's move swiftly on then to some Valentine's Day statues you know just like isn't traditional we start off with be mine horny devil photo clip this is going to be good as Annette reduced 50 P hooray it is good right it's a little statue of a wobbly devil on a spring he's horny apparently that means he wants to be rude things in case you weren't aware and he's got a photo and pleasingly it comes with a heart-shaped photo of stock photo Greg who's just washed his hair there and it's an interesting thing not really it's just painted red and he's got a big smiley face and he's got a little Trident and he's got his tail wrapped around him and he's got some sort of white fluid or something that's dropped on his head at his dripping down his let's move swiped on to the next statue badass bears hooray this is a ripoff of like a thing that was popular awhile ago sorry for pausing there I just noticed that I said he didn't notice in the shop when I bought it it's smeared in filth is this why panel and reduced all these 250 P was the palette full of haze and filth I mean look it's old looks like dried fat or something tearing me and it's broken up just but oh let's just get it out the idea is it's hilarious teddy bear he's in a sort of sexual dominatrix type situation and yeah I suppose that fits into the hand like that looks like a wick set it on fire like a candle yeah well there we are it's a hilarious teddy bear it's a lady one because it's got eyelashes and big lipstick and is wearing a basque and some skimpy bikini bottoms and it's got a bow on the back and look it's got a whip in order to punish naughty boys or peers of the realm as they're known over here and hmm this isn't really as well molded or designed as the real ones part of the way you can tell that and the horrifying dead eyes it really does look like a stuffed animal so is in fact the corpse of a dominatrix in teddy form lovely oh well let's have something to take the taste away of whatever the flippin heck that thing was and some love hearts they had big bags of them in pound land I think they might do all year round I don't know they only caught my eye on Valentine's they have similar sweets to these in America where they are known as sweethearts I believe although there have a different composition of different things written on for yes these are little round sweets with a picture of the heart and things written on them things like my all true love blue eyes don't cry all things that maybe possibly might be said in a love affair but probably not hopefully not don't cry because that implies something nasty is going on right let's open it up I can't this isn't a good start it's all glued everyone it must be a way let's attack the wrapper that is the weakest link in the chain oh yes here we go yes oh oh it's all shattered and gone over the sofa that's not a good start well this one says kiss me that makes sense I suppose it's a vaguely romantic thing yes oh man are you going to focus please focus I'm gonna have to switch to manual focus on say back in a second right here we go now you can see it says kiss me there's also a very good song by Sixpence None the Richer first love and they called it puppy love they said it would never work but then they were sweethearts Oh everything was fine and then they went to see a Herbie movie starring the hilarious antics of a Volkswagen Beetle well have we got cheer up never love heart that's weird so the Mitter love artists now I'm just going to describe what I am there we are and now make up yes that's what you need to wear if you want to go on a romantic date or maybe it means people have had some sort of horrifying argument but everything can be made better with a small lump of sugar related confectionery hmm go on then have a whole pile of them let's go through them quick bye bye oh that's a bad one crikey I mean imagine being dumped by love heart terrible even wasn't being dumped by text and hard luck yeah that sounds about right my pet okay that's weird we're getting into a sort of BDSM thing going on there under II guess who Benito Mussolini no no no idea that a love heart or another metal one was quite lot of those in there guess who did we just have that one is two I hope I've told you before mr. Obama I'm not that kind of man good pals oh dear join the friendzone using love hearts always depressing crazy yes I'm mentally ill let's get married I'm shy well if you're so shy why are you giving people strange emotional sweets that's not what shy people do will you maybe you have to buy me dinner first oh well that's enough of that if Valentine's Day ruined already it will be as soon as you see your date spoiler have you ever seen the end of The Crying Game you

Channel: ashens

Views: 392,259

Rating: 4.9138851 out of 5

Keywords: valentines, day, special, Valentine's Day, rose petals, Love hearts, chef excellence, tesco value gin, the artist, teddy bear, basque, BDSM, frying pan, horny devil, ashens, review, funny

Id: 5yzA8X7d1UA

Length: 11min 42sec (702 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 11 2012