Ben: Hey, what's up? Holo, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Simply Podlogical, a Simply Nailogical podcast.
Cristine: Holo. Ben: Today, we're going to give you some unqualified relationship advice, because, you know, we are couple goals. Cristine: No.
Ben: That's what we've been told. Cristine: Just according to memes on the internet, which I don't really consider a credible source.
Ben: Yes. We're an internet relationship. We've been together, what, eight years?
Cristine: Something like that. Ben: People seem to look at us as an example of a healthy relationship. I don't know. You don't know what goes on behind the scenes, but people seem to like when we talk about relationships and we thought it would be just a funny thing to,
Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: you know, help you resolve your petty squabbles and disputes with your partner.
Cristine: Yes.
Ben: Right? I should say that I think just the idea of "unqualified" relationship advice might be redundant, because like what is really "qualified" relationship advice?
Cristine: I mean, is there such a thing as a relationship expert? Like is that a field or a discipline that you can become an expert in?
Ben: I think like there are relationship coaches or people that call themselves experts, but I ...
Cristine: Or maybe there's therapists or counselors who have special training in couples therapy, Like I know that this exists, so maybe I don't want to completely discredit that. But for us just as like individuals, just the fact that you are a or have been in a relationship doesn't really make you a relationship expert.
Ben: But I don't really think anyone is really a relationship ex--- Like I don't ... I don't think I really buy it and you know, like no one really knows what's going on in a relationship outside of the two people in a relationship, so at the end of the day, it's kind of your job to figure out what is and isn't okay for you.
Cristine: Touché. Yeah, for sure.
Ben: And, you know, speaking of unqualified relationship advice, this is a bit of a tangent, but we recently watched a show on Netflix.... Do you know where I'm going with this?
Cristine: Yes. Ben: We watched a show called Indian Matchmaking. We actually watched it because we know someone who was involved in the production. They told us about it and we had seen the ads for it on Netflix as well. But basically it's a show about arranged marriage and these matchmakers in India who help pair people together or help families find suitors or brides for their children.
Cristine: Not just in India: The head matchmaker was also doing some matches in the States, too.
Ben: Sure, yeah, So they're working here as well. So the show is very interesting, very well made. At the risk of sounding culturally insensitive, arranged marriages seem pretty fucked up. Like it's a really strange practice. Cristine: I think when ... Yeah, let me just be clear about this distinction here. There's matchmaking and then there's arranged marriages that are arranged by families for other reasons. There is nothing wrong with matchmaking, like people do that all the time. Like people meet on match.com and then they've met their future wife. So there's just the difference between like a computer algorithm maybe finding something or someone for you and then this professional matchmaker. So that's not where either of us--I think I'm speaking for both of us--take any real issue, right? Ben: Well. Well, I think my ... I guess we're not going to get into a deep conversation about like the cultural practice of arranged marriages in India. There's a lot of ... That show kind of glosses over a lot of like the caste asp--- the class and caste aspect of pairing people together. It's sort of very subtle in the show, but like someone will say "I only want to get married to someone from this very specific region of India" or something and "I'm not willing to accept a dark- or light-skinned..." It's pretty messed up, honestly. Cristine: Someone said that in the show. Yeah, they didn't want an Indian person who was too dark-skinned, that was their words Ben: Yeah. They also didn't really go into like the dowry system, which I gather is illegal there, but still very widely done Anyway, there has been a very valid criticism of the show that it sort of glosses over the more problematic aspects of arranged marriage, so I don't want to ignore that: I want to acknowledge that criticism.
Cristine: Yes.
Ben: But I think our funnier observation watching the show is that the matchmaker was just terrible at her job. That was at least our perspective, I think, right? Cristine: I mean, maybe she was and it was just for entertainment, because that's ultimately what this produced, was an entertaining series. Ben: But so you would have these families coming to this woman and they would be like, "So I'm thirty years old and I'm this tall and this is where I'm at in my life and this is what I'm looking at in the partner." And she'd go back to her rolodex and be like, "Oh, she's kind of tall. I just need to find someone tall and from this very specific region of India." Cristine: You mean her "bio data." She goes back to her bio data. Ben: So then they'd put these people on a date and they clearly have nothing in common: their priorities and values in life are completely different, but they checked a box that they were taller than the woman and they were from a very specific region they cared about. Cristine: Yeah, it's kind of matchmaking on very superficial things, which I think just goes to show that picking someone based off of a minimum height requirement or where their family is from maybe isn't going to be the best indicator of whether or not you're going to find them of value as a lifelong partner. Ben: Yeah, yeah. There you go.
Cristine: To sum it up.
Ben: In a nutshell.
Cristine: Yeah. Ben: Anyway, that was just a bit of a rant to start, because today we're going to be answering some questions we got from you guys about some relationship questions you have, situations you're in, and we get to rule on them and ...
Cristine: Rule on them? Ben: you can choose to listen to us or not: to our unqualified advice.
Cristine: Don't listen to us. This is for entertainment purposes only. Disclaimer: We are not experts at matchmaking nor relationships.
Ben: Better expert than that Indian matchmaking woman. All right, first one from Jordan Woloshyn" "My partner leaves boxes of cereal open and they go stale within days. What should I do? Should I stay with her just for the sake of the cats (we have four)?" Cristine: Well, cats ... you got me there.
Ben: Is this a deal breaker, Cristine?
Cristine: You know, up until the cats I was ready to be like ...
Ben: Break up with her? Cristine: Does cereal really go stale in just a few days? Ben: Well, so here's what I say: Like if this is the worst thing you can say about your partner,
Cristine: Stay with them. Ben: I think you're okay. I think the bigger red flag here is if you're an adult who still routinely eats Fruit Loops for breakfast, you should probably, you know ... That person needs to get their shit together.
Cristine: Yeah. Maybe switch to something like oats. We don't even have a sponsor today. I'm just thinking of oats. Ben: It doesn't have to be oats, but, you know, cereal's for kids. "Trix are for kids," okay?
Cristine: Oats doesn't go stale. Ben: Okay, stop. Who cares about oats? Okay, next question: "My boyfriend looks at Instagram models every day and comments on their looks with his guy friends. I feel like it's microcheating, but he says it's just 'locker-room talk.'" Cristine: Oof, this just got serious.
Ben: What do you think, Cristine? Is that just locker-room talk? Cristine: Well, first of all, let's break this down. Looking at Instagram models with your friends isn't cheating? Like if you're ... Like why are they looking? They might be looking just to be like "I don't particularly like this." Ben: I don't think that's why they're looking.
Cristine: No?
Ben: Well, yeah, it is kind of strange that ... I can't really imagine me and my guy friends sitting around going through an Instagram feed just to look at hot girls without that seeming like a pretty strange thing to do. So i'm having trouble putting myself in his position. Cristine: I can relate to this back from my university days, although it wasn't really about looking at Instagram. But when I lived in a house with several guys who were all nineteen years old, they would talk about which chicks from the bar were the hottest and who they would bang, for example. And that kind of discourse among men, although I was just kind of overhearing it, when they were together it definitely perpetuated and encouraged this kind of dirtier locker-room talk that I didn't hear them talk that way individually to me or to others, but it was just when they were in this particular group of men that they would all kind of talk like assholes. Ben: I think...
Cristine: Why is that, man? Explain yourself!
Ben: I'm not going to defend that. I think this question very much depends on how the guy in the scenario or in any scenario is talking about the women. Because it's one thing, like we've been in a relationship eight years, like we're not dead, It's possible to find other ... Like if I'm scrolling through Instagram, I might see a cute girl. I'm not going to comment about it, but like I'm not dead. I still notice there are other attractive people in the world. I think it's more about how you act out on that behavior.
Crisine: So it's more of a respect thing maybe. Like it would be, I think, a little disrespectful for her partner to start being like "Oh, yeah, this girl's so hot" and like saying that to his friend.
Ben: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating nachos." Cristine: Yeah, or like saying how you would bang her or something.Like that would be disrespectful to your current partner. Ben: It's weird that she kind of knows about it at all, because I get like with guys going off and maybe they might make a comment like about a girl but like the fact that if you're openly doing that in front of your significant other, that's pretty weird. Cristine: He might just be trying to show off and play a role in his friend group, which is unfortunate and I think that, or I hope that, most men, especially, grow out of that behavior, but it's like they either grow out of that or they don't and then they're just kind of a dick forever. So let's hope that this is something maybe that your boyfriend is just doing to please his friends, which I'm not saying that makes it okay-- I think it's shitty and that has absolutely happened to me when I've overheard my ex-partners or a lot of my male friends talking this way and it was so gross and disgusting and just like "Come on, guys, just grow the fuck up." So eventually, hopefully, people like this do grow up and stop participating in these like weird social circles. Ben: Yeah, no. That's a good answer and I would only add, like not to make it political, but like there was a lot of talk about like do you just have to accept that men talk a certain way about women when they're behind closed doors, locker room? Cristine: Right, and we shouldn't just accept that. I don't like that.
Ben: It depends what you're really saying, because I've heard it used as a justification for men and politicians saying pretty ...
Cristine: Like Trump?
Ben: Exactly, like Donald Trump gets caught saying he's a powerful guy so he can just grab women without their consent. A lot of people defended that as locker-room talk. I just want to say like I've been in locker rooms with other guys. If another guy had just piped up all of a sudden and said like "Hey, like, I'm so hot I can go up to a girl and just grab her and there's nothing she can do about it." We would all look at that guy like he's a piece of shit, not like "Ha, ha, that's locker-room talk." Cristine: But see, here's something that ... I appreciate that and that makes you a good guy and a good person. However, I have met, and i'm sure you've met, other guys in your experience who didn't have that reaction and who instead were happy to participate in that conversation. So you can't just deny the fact that there are so many guys who just happily participate and perpetuate this "locker-room" normalization. Ben: I guess. I just think it's way more common that you have locker-room talk that's just like "Hey, did you see that girl at the bar? She was so hot." Not "I would," you know, not more ... I don't know how much more ...
Cristine: But your experience is that, at least among the men you've had ... you've been friends with, like no one's been that nasty. I, on the other hand, have witnessed the nasty talk that I didn't appreciate. But it was so normalized, like I didn't say anything when I was nineteen just listening to this. Ben: Yeah, I don't know. This is tough. I see a lot of levels of nuance to this question that I don't think we can just give like one ultimate ruling or not, and it's also according to how like comfortable you are. Like do you go out with your girlfriends, drink a bunch of wine, and talk about how hot Ryan Gosling is? Because is that kind of just the same thing? I don't know. Cristine: Yeah, it really depends. It depends on ... You know your boyfriend best; you know him as a person. So if you feel like this is A detriment to your relationship and it's hurting your feelings and you've expressed that to him and he's showing that he doesn't care, then I think that's definitely an item of concern. Yeah.
Ben: Okay, fair point. All right, moving on: "My partner isn't working due to the pandemic, but I am. This means he is home alone all day and wants to spend every moment I'm at home by my side. But I work in retail: I spend my life surrounded by people and sometimes I just want a few hours to myself when I get home. He always gets mad at me if I take myself off for a bath or to read in a different room, because he says he needs company, but I just want an hour of peace." Cristine: Hmm.
Ben: Have you told him or explained that that's why you need ... Like this seems like a very rational, well laid-out Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: example of "I'm around people all day; I just need some time." I would say one of the toughest things to negotiate as a couple, though, can be if one partner has a very different expectation of what like a normal level of intimacy is, and I don't just like mean romantically, but just the idea of like needing to cuddle at night or just needing to spend more time together, whereas some people are much more independent and don't need to be on, you know, in the same room as their partner all the time.
Cristine: Or your feelings on public displays of affection.
Ben: Things like that, yeah. There's a level of like sort of negotiation,where you have to sort of find a balance with a partner, because you're not always going to feel the same level of "I need to always be around this person" or "we always need to be affectionate," right? I think this is another one where communication is really the answer to it, because if you communicate to your partner that like "Hey, like I work all day, I'm around people all day; I just need some time to myself at the end of the day," they really should understand that, but at the same time, I think you need to be emotionally available to them as well. So I think you just sort of need to know where that sweet spot is. Cristine: Well, it also sounds like, because her partner isn't working because of the pandemic, that might also have an implication on that partner, right?, and their feelings and how they're dealing with not having a job right now.
Ben: Sure.
Cristine: So maybe that is fueling their desire to be more like close to you, you know. So there's also you've got to look at it from the other person's perspective, too. Ben: Yeah, and that's why like the imbalance in a relationship of one person working and the other not can cause issues, I guess, sometimes, right?
Cristine: Yeah, and these are harder times: like pandemic! Ben: Totally.
Cristine: Because you can't just go like hang out with friends maybe as a little break or your partner maybe can't go see their friends, you know, just to spend time with other people, so they're just waiting home for you and that can be kind of cute for like the first two weeks and fun, but then you can get a little sick of it maybe. Ben: A little bit.
Cristine: So I get that and I think Ben's right: the key to this one might be just talking to your partner, explaining how you feel, and then also asking them you know, how all these recent changes has affected them and what would help them. So trying to come to some kind of compromise. And you should take your bath. Ben: Yeah, yeah, you should absolutely [unintelligible]
Cristine: Have that bath, Nicole! Ben: All right, next one from Jessica: "If the dishwasher is full and you are too lazy to wash a dish right away, does it go IN the sink or BY the sink? We've been married sixteen years and have not settled this."
Cristine: In the sink. But rinse it out. Ben: Yeah. Well, we have cats, so that kind of changes our answer, right?, because we cannot leave ... Menchie's attacking me right now! She literally started biting. Are you okay?
Cristine: You just said "We have cats" and she goes "No, you don't!" Ben: Okay, where was I? Yeah, we can't leave really dirty dishes in the sink.
Cristine: Or else the cats will get in the sink. Ben: Zyler will try to eat anything and then he'll probably throw up everywhere. So I think we're firm believers of IN-the-sink dish-people.
Cristine: But, ultimately, clean out the dishwasher; put the dishes away. Ben: So Cristine will get upset at me quite a bit for even if the dishwasher is empty and I could put clothes in it ... Clothes? Even if I could put dishes in it, sometimes I just leave stuff in the sink anyway and this seems to bother you.
Cristine: Yeah. I think you should put your shit in the dishwasher. Ben: But here's the thing, like I'm the one who's doing all the hand-wash dishes. Cristine: Yeah, but I empty the dishwasher, because of my nails. Ben: Balance in all things.
Cristine: Compromise.
Ben: All right. Good luck, Jessica Next one: "My partner won't tell me if I look presentable. Every time I ask he says 'you're always beautiful.' I get it; he loves me. But like, dude, i'm just asking if my ponytail is smooth or if my skirt's straight. Am I crazy?"
Cristine: I totally relate to this one, because sometimes i'm just like "Ben, how does my hair look?" and he's like "You look beautiful" and I'm like "Shut Up." Ben: But like I don't want to fall into a trap. What do you want me to say? "You don't look great today." Cristine: No, but do you think i'm trying to trick you? I'm not someone who's asking like "Do I look fat?" Like I'm not trying to trick you. I'm just like "Is there a hair sticking up out of my out of my bun?" That's all I want to know. Ben: Yeah, I would say the longer you're in a relationship and the more comfortable you are, the more you and your partner can kind of be brutally honest in some ways. But I kind of get it at the same time, you know, you don't want to be the guy making your partner less confident in themselves. Sometimes you just want to be that cheerleader and pump them up
Cristine: Yeah, but she's not asking for like make me feel better, she's asking for like practical reasons. Like I need to know if I look like a doofus: just tell me the truth. Ben: Yeah, but there have totally been times where like you're doing your hair and we're about to film something and your hair looks kind of crazy and maybe I'll mention that and I don't think you appreciate it.
Cristine: What do you mean?
Ben: I don't mean right now. Cristine:Because I haven't showered in four days? What do you mean? Ben: All right. Good luck with that. From Lucy: "My boyfriend moans when I put 'too much' in the washing machine and it doesn't dry quick enough for his liking, but when I do smaller washes, he moans he doesn't have enough clean clothes. What do I do?"
Cristine: Stop washing his clothes.
Ben: Yeah. Cristine: He can wash his own clothes.
Ben: Tell him to wash his own clothes. Ben: Yeah, that's it.
Cristine: Good answer.
Ben: Okay, next one. From Janelle:"My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and we are both still very young, but we have opposing views when it comes to the LGBTQ community. His religion, as he says, doesn't allow it, but I fully support it. He doesn't know how to react if we had a child that was part of the LGBTQ+ community. If you see this, I would want to know if this would be a dealbreaker or not from your point of view. Love you both." This is a heavier one for sure I think it probably would be a dealbreaker for us, but not just for the one specific reason as much as I would think someone who thinks that would have a lot of other things that I personally wouldn't be compatible or comfortable with.
Cristine: I think there's definitely a lot of superficial things that people can happily disagree on and still be in a relationship. Like if you like modern versus traditional decor, you could still make it work, you know, but still be able to live together. But there's some larger-scale, far-reaching value systems that I think it would be really challenging to maintain a long-lasting relationship if you don't agree on those. So things like "Do you want children?" If you aren't aligned on that. Religion, I think it really depends on your ability or willingness to open up to having someone else practice something different than you might. So that kind of depends on someone's personal abilities or or desire to accept other practices while still maintaining their own. Right? So everyone's different there. But human rights issues and essentially how you feel about them might be one of those value systems that I wonder if it's just too hard to overcome if you ultimately just don't agree with someone on something like human rights/ Ben: Yeah, and I guess what I was getting at with from like my personal perspective why it would be a deal breaker is also just because it's just one manifestation of I just don't think I could be in a relationship with a very religious person in general. Cristine: But maybe Janelle is also religious, but they just have different interpretations
Ben: Of this specific point.
Cristine: of a similar religion. Ben: Really good point.
Cristine: So it's not just about religion.
Ben: Exactly. So when they say "religion doesn't allow it," I think you just need to sort of unpack what that means to someone. And just know that the way someone feels right now, like maybe you're young. Maybe you're twenty. You were raised in a religious household. Your views and values can evolve over time, too, right? And that's kind of one of the hardest things about being in a relationship is just not knowing if you're going to grow together in the same direction or grow in different directions.
Cristine: Ah, that's deep. Ben: It's tough to know and that's sort of the hardest thing about,
Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: you know, living a life with someone. But, yeah, I think you'd really want to unpack that and if this is something that really matters to you, and it sounds like it does, I think you really ... If you value the relationship, you owe a lot to really trying to work on this specific issue or any issue you have where you have a big disagreement on values or politics or things like that. And like Cristine says, you don't have to agree on everything, but if it's so something fundamentally unconscionable to you, then that could be a big issue in a relationship, especially if you want to have kids and you think that could be a major issue if you do have a child who is not straight, right? Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: Yeah.
Cristine: You know, it's still valuable to learn from a relationship. Like I've definitely had relationships in my past where someone had a totally different value belief system than I did and I learned from that experience that that kind of relationship just wasn't going to work for me because I wasn't willing to compromise on what I thought was right in my beliefs just because someone else thought something different. I wasn't going to be like "Okay, I'm just going to go along with whatever you believe, because I want to be with you." I, in the end, decided that I wasn't willing to do that. But sometimes it just takes being in these relationships to see that and to understand what you want out of your life. Ben: And when they say "doesn't allow it" is it like "I don't recognize marriage between same-sex partners as legitimate" or you just don't respect the humanity of people who are LGBTQ?
Cristine: Well, it sounds like the latter, because ...
Ben: Well, I'm not sure about that. That's where I want to be careful.
Cristine: They're suggesting that if they had a child ...
Ben: They wouldn't know how to react.
Cristine: Yeah Ben: But that's like saying ... You never know how you're going to react until you have a kid, right?
Cristine: True.
Ben: And I don't think you ever really know what it would feel like to have a kid come out to you until that actually happens at the same time.
Cristine: But if you already have these feelings of like, "Oh, I don't want an LGBTQ+ kid," then like ...
Ben: That's a big red flag.
Cristine: That's a big red flag, yeah Ben: I think it's something you'd really need to work on and decide for yourself if that is a dealbreaker. All right, from Becca: "My boyfriend doesn't like me to paint my nails in the house because he hates the smell. Please tell him he's wrong! Lol."
Cristine: Get rid of the boyfriend! Ben: Okay, the more lighthearted one Cristine: On a serious note, nail polish does smell.
Ben: Yes.
Cristine: I understand that. And Ben always knows when i'm painting my nails. So I've tried in ... Well, we used to live in a smaller place where it was impossible to be pretty much in a different room, but now I paint my nails in like a different room than where you are to be a bit respectful. So if you can do that or if you can open a window while you're painting your nails, just to be respectful for those living around you, not just a boyfriend, but, you know, maybe you have family or friends you live with, I think that's the right thing to do. Ben: Yeah, relationships are kind of about compromise, right? If you can make some reasonable accommodations for your partner's dislike of the smell of nail polish, that's probably good enough.
Cristine: Yeah, please don't stop painting your nails at all just because your boyfriend said he doesn't like the smell. Like, you know, maybe give him a heads up, open the window, something: try and make it a little better, but like don't stop ... Ben: Air purifiers aren't cheap, but they're a beautiful thing
Cristine: Or just open the window.
Ben: Or just open the window. Cristine: Or send your boyfriend out for groceries. "Go pick up us food, honey."
Ben: Yeah, wait for him to leave. Next one from Claire: "I love to declutter and my husband likes to hold on to things 'just in case.' I'm cleary right. Right?"
Cristine: I'm the husband in this situation.
Ben: What, you like to hold on to things?
Cristine: Yeah. Ben: I feel like we're pretty similar in that we're not hoarders. I mean you like collecting things, Cristine: Yes.
Ben: but you don't have a problem holding on to things that have no value anymore, I don't think.
Cristine: You're right, because everything I hold on to has so much value, like my 2000 bottles of nail polish. Ben: Actually, Yeah, that's kind of a dangerous mentality. Hey, maybe, Claire, you and your husband balance each other out, but I think ... I know some people in my life who have problems hanging on to things way too much and it's usually a manifestation of some deeper-rooted issues, to be a little serious for a second, you know.
Cristine: Yeah. Ben: Like if you've ever seen the TV show "Hoarders," those people who hold on to everything, it's often related to like childhood trauma or other mental like serious issues, right?
Cristine: They need ... it's a psychological intervention is that show; it's not just about hoarding objects.
Ben: Yeah, so I don't know how far your husband is on the scale of that, if it's just like he holds on to some knickknacks or when he buys a new technology he hangs on to the box just in case he needs to return it or move it or something. There's some pretty reasonable levels, but if your house starts turning into a warehouse and there are rooms that you can't walk through then, yeah, that's definitely a problem. Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: All right, from Kellie: "My boyfriend doesn't want to do a Chloe Ting workout with me because they are' girl workouts.'" Cristine: So wait. Let me break this down. Is it a girl workout because it's a girl teaching the workout?
Ben: Or is it a girl workout because it's tailored to the muscle groups and sort of toning chick exercises, stereotypical female workouts, I guess? Cristine: Maybe. But if you saw the same workout delivered by a man, would he be more willing to do it? You could do like a social experiment. I have a good idea. Go to the workout you want to do by Chloe Ting, write it all down, and see if you can find an example of a male YouTuber doing pretty much the same thing and then ask him if he would do that workout with you. Ben: Wait, is it ... So Chloe Ting: is she the one who does like "how to get abs in like four weeks" and it's completely unrealistic, though? Cristine: Yes, she ... So, let me just say, I'm not a fan in general of fitness YouTubers who do like "abs in two weeks" or "lose weight in thirty days, just do this one thing" and it's so clickbaity. I think her thumbnails and her content and that clickbaitiness has gotten better, she's doing less of that, but there was a period of time--and I think why people know of her so much-- where it was very much like "abs in two weeks: here's a picture of my six pack,"
Ben: [Unintelligible] viral videos like that.
Cristine: and like that's all you've got to do. And it's really not that simple, obviously, and she may defend her titles because she says "well, it gets people to click and then I give them better advice in the video" or whatever, but it to me, it doesn't really matter: you're still adding to this whole culture of like quick fixes in the diet industry and like "Women: all you need to do is this two weeks; come watch my shit and you'll be skinny like me" and like that's not realistic. Ben: Okay, but her workouts may be legitimate. She's just over-selling them and using some kind of shitty marketing tactics. Cristine: Exactly. I mean, Hey, I'm, not a fitness or a health expert, so I'm not going to say her workouts are legitimate. I don't know. I think they're just like ... It's mostly ...
Ben: It's a lot of core ... Cristine: It's a lot of core and body weight workouts. I mean, it's probably fine. She looks healthy. Whatever. But I think the question here is your boyfriend just doesn't want to do something that a female is teaching. Which I find very interesting, because it's almost like discrediting this idea that women have much knowledge about how to train muscle or be strong or just be healthy in a fitness manner.
Ben: Maybe you're overthinking it, though, and maybe ... Like the best workout someone can do is the workout they will actually do. Maybe he just doesn't want to do a bunch of core work on the floor and he'd rather lift weights. And it doesn't really matter whether it's like a manly exercise or not, it's more just about, you know, do the exercise you enjoy that helps you meet your goals and who cares whether it is floor work, body weight exercises, or whether it's Olympic lifting, you know?
Cristine: Yeah. So maybe your boyfriend just doesn't think it's the most effective use of his time for fitness and he has a different preference for how to ... how he wants to exercise, but maybe Kellie is asking because she just wants her partner just to do something fun with her for a change. Like sometimes I say to you, Ben, "Hey, you want to work out with me?" And I want him to do what I'm doing, because then we do it together. And sometimes you're like "I don't want to do that." So. Ben: It's true. So I can kind of see myself in this position a bit. But ... Cristine: But it is fun. I think when you figure out how to do it.
Ben: You don't have to do everything with your partner. Cristine: No, no, no. And I don't think she's saying that.
Ben: Maybe he just doesn't want to work out in front of his partner, because he doesn't feel like he's in good enough shape, you know. There could be a lot of reasons why you don't want to work out with your partner. Cristine: Why don't you want to work out with me all the time?
Ben: I think you're an annoying coach. That's why. Cristine gets really into it and she starts getting like loud and aggressive and like really excited.
Cristine: No! Encouraging! What do you mean aggressive? Don't make that up.
Ben: Cristine's on steroids. She's roid-raging. Cristine: It's corticosteroids. You have to listen to the last podcast for context. Ben: All right, next one, from Sarah:"My husband and I disagree if our cat is fat or not. I and the vet say he is fine. The vet says we all get a little bit of a beer belly when we are older and happy, but my husband says twelve pounds is too fat. This has come to a head with the purchase of a new cat tree in which he doesn't exactly fit. Who is right?" Cristine: I don't support cat fat-shaming. Ben: At the same time, I totally respect cat owners caring about the health of their pets. I'm not sure this is a good example of that, but the opposite really bothers me: when you see pet owners who let their animals get obese, like way overweight, that is like one of the most infuriating things you can see on the internet, right?
Cristine: Yeah. Ben: But, yeah, it sounds like your husband's maybe a little ... Like if the vet is telling you it's a healthy weight, Cristine: I would listen to the vet.
Ben: I think I'd listen to the vet over your husband. And just buying things. It's kind of like someone who's like "I want to lose weight, so I'm going to buy a bunch of clothes I will fit into if I lose weight."
Cristine: Yeah. Ben: Like that's not going to work with your cat. You're not going to buy your cat a smaller bed and the cat will be like "Oh, I should eat less so I could fit in this cat bed." Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: I don't think that's going to work.
Cristine: Maybe it's just a small cat tree, because Amazon was skimping on, you know, materials. Who knows?
Ben: I mean the cat looks pretty happy on that bed. She attached a picture, for our audio listeners. Cristine: I think she looks good. She's got confidence. Look at her! She's looking over her butt. She's like "Hey, girl."
Ben: She's like look back at it.
Cristine: Yeah! Ben: All right, next one: "My partner eats a tub of hummus a day and I think it's weird. Should he eat that much hummus?" Cristine: This, ugh, oh, my god. Ben: So I think this question's a good example of sometimes you just need to accept someone for who they are and love them for who they are and this sounds like completely normal and healthy behavior. And I think you should be supportive of it, Cristine: Um, I tend to disagree
Ben: We don't have any more time for that question.
Cristine: Ben!
Ben: So next question from vilmapaints:
Cristine: God. Ben: "We're remodeling our house and he wants a bathtub in the master and I don't. I think it's a waste of money and space. He wants it for resale value. We have never used a bathtub. What do you think?" What do you think, Cristine? This sounds like something you ask like a real estate agent or a contractor, right? Cristine: I know, I'm like ... I mean I've heard that having a bathtub is good for real estate value, because if you have a child, you can't bathe them in a shower. It's not safe.
Ben: I've heard this.
Cristine: I've just heard this. Ben: Can't you just bathe a baby in a big sink or something, though? Cristine: Not a ... Eww, I don't think so. Ben: You know, just wash it with the vegetables at the same time, you know?
Cristine: No, Ben. Ben: Get the colander out and just like spray down the bab----
Cristine: No! Ben: No, here. What I'll say is, yeah, I've heard the same thing, that you want a bathroom in the house that is accessible to have a tub. Does it need to be your master? Probably not. Cristine: No, it can be a second bathroom. So if you have a second bathroom maybe the bathtub goes there and just no one ever uses it.
Ben: And, you know, here's a secret to a happy relationship: More than one bathroom, right? You know?
Cristine: Yeah. Ben: You have your bathroom you go to. If I've got to go take a big poop, I'm going far away to another bath. Cristine: Yes, you are. Disgusting. Keep that shit down the hall, sir. Ben: All right, from Jill: "My partner doesn't feel comfortable calling our relationship a relationship. He feels restricted by the conventional expectations of what a relationship should entail and is generally a little anxious about committing to anything long-term. Although I do not share those worries, I understand his struggle. I wonder if more people have the same anxieties, especially since the way we shape relationships nowadays are so different from the traditional norms a lot of us grew up with." Cristine: Interesting. I think ... I guess my first question is "Is this your partner's first non-relationship?" (since they don't want to call it a relationship), because it sounds like maybe there's something in your partner's past that might explain their, unwillingness to commit, right? Is there a reason behind all this? That's kind of where my mind goes first. Not that i'm trying to be your or your partner's therapist, but it sounds like there is something else going on than just what's going on between the two of you. Ben: I mean like we don't know the situation, but it is kind of setting off some potential red flags. It really depends. I guess at the end of the day, labels don't really matter,
Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: as long as you have a Cristine: mutual understanding.
Ben: Yeah, an understanding with your partner about what your expectations are or aren't about, you know, exclusivity. So who cares whether or not you're calling your relationship x, y, or z, but as long as you share the same values and expectations of like "we are in a committed relationship and not seeing other people," if that's what you've agreed to,
Cristine: Right. then that matters more about whether you're being called something or not.
Cristine: It sounds like their partner is unsure about committing to anything long term. Ben: Yeah, and that's maybe a sign of some other ... probably ...
Cristine: And maybe it's not just related to relationships. It might be also insecurities about other things that have happened in their life, maybe loss or other people leaving them in some other forms. I don't know, right?
Ben: Like I think we're a pretty modern couple. I'll refer to you as like my partner instead of girlfriend.
Cristine: I literally call you my common-law partner. Sometimes I am on the phone with like a bank person, I'm like:
Ben: That's not very romantic.
Cristine: "My common-law partner and I ..." Ben: But like I think we have to just acknowledge We're sort of ignorant of, you know, there are plenty of people, I think, in healthy relationships that are not traditional at all, and I don't want to discount that. So. I don't know if I would be comfortable with a partner who wasn't willing to put a more traditional kind of label of commitment on it, but you know, there are totally ... You know, it's 2020, baby. There are people in polyamorous relationships, you know.
Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: I think a lot of stuff like that is getting more and more normalized, so I don't want to, you know, just outright sort of dismiss that. It's really just about what you and your partner are comfortable with.
Cristine: And maybe it's just about wanting your partner to acknowledge that there is a mutual ... whether it's love or interest in each other, right? Because if your partner is unwilling to admit or say that they feel the same way about you as you do about them, then there's kind of a disjuncture right there, right? So it's not necessarily about like "Yes. We're in a relationship. Let's mark that down on Facebook," and more about like "Are we on the same page? Like do we like each other enough to continue this? Do we want to talk every day? Are we hanging out? Are we doing things together now?" So maybe it's more of like a "what is this?" rather than "what are we calling this?" Ben: I should say like, it's a pretty low bar that he doesn't even want to call you having some sort of relationship "a relationship," you know what I mean? Like I understand not wanting to put certain labels on it like girlfriend or partner or there's bigger questions about, you know, whether you're exclusive or not or like ... But just even the willingness to call it a relationship to me seems like a pretty low expectation.
Cristine: Well, everyone has a relationship with someone. Like you can ... It doesn't mean you're Intimate, you know. Like you have a relationship with your neighbor. Ben: I guess that's kind of my point, right? The fact that you don't even want to call ... use the word "relationship." Like if you don't want to use the word relationship like what sort of word are you comfortable using at all?
Cristine: "What sort of trauma has happened to you in the past that involved that word?," is what I would think.
Ben: Oh, some armchair psychology there. I don't know. This is tough. I feel like there's a lot more we would need to know on this one.
Cristine: I think more, yeah, communication is key. That's going to be our answer to everything: communication is key. Ben: All right, next one:"My boyfriend doesn't like my long nails. He says they scratch him."
Cristine: Sacré bleu! "Should I cut them off or is he just a big baby?"
Cristine: He is a big baby. Ben: You know, he should maybe learn to like being scratched by your nails. You know, get a little get a little kinky with it. Cristine: He says they scratch him. Like ... Wait, are you scratching him deliberately or just like by accident?
Ben: Are you poking him in the middle of the night? Yeah, how long are your nails, by the way? Because there is sort of like a reasonable limit. Cristine: No.
Ben: I think ... You see some of these ...
Cristine: You can never tell someone how long their nails should or shouldn't be, sir. Ben: If all of a sudden you were walking around with like 12-inch nails and it meant ...
Cristine: What if I wanted the Olympic world record? The Guinness book ... Ben: That would that would put a strain on our relationship, I think. You shouldn't cut your nails .
Cristine: First of all, do not change your body because of your partner, whether it's your nail length or not. No, but I mean you can discuss with your partner what their concerns are. If it's a legitimate concern like if you just move your hand at night and you've scratched him in the face and it was an accident then maybe there is some real concern there. But if it's more of a personal preference and your boyfriend is just like super picky and wants you to have a certain length just because he says so, then I don't really think ...
Ben: That's a weird thing to care about. that's a weird thing for him to impose on you.
Ben: Yeah, so unless you're one of those people with like 12-inch nails, this is probably pretty clear that he's just being a big baby.
Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: Yeah. All right, next one, from Amelia: "The guy I like never lets me pay for anything. Not coffee, not meals. He won't even take my gas money. I always feel bad like iIm practically robbing him. I always tell him that and he says he doesn't mind. Am I being crazy? Also, what's your opinion on the idea that men should be paying for everything? I disagree, clearly."
Cristine: Who doesn't mind that they're always being robbed? Ben: Here's a way of looking at this,. Like I think early on when you're dating there is a bit of an expectation that ... Actually, you know what, it's really changed.
Cristine: It's an old-school thing. Ben: It is a pretty old-school thing
(Cristine: It's not anymore.)
Ben: that a guy will pay for a first date, right? Maybe you'll still see that a little bit if a guy's trying to be particularly charming or something, but I think a lot of women would prefer to feel like it's a more equitable thing. Clearly Amelia does. I would say the bigger red flag to me wouldn't be him paying for everything; it would be if he felt like you owed him something because he was paying for everything. So it's one thing if just like one person in a relationship has a lot of money and maybe more than the other person and they're willing to ... they don't mind covering some, you know, some expenses the other person wouldn't maybe normally be willing to cover. And if it's just coffee or going out for a meal, I don't see that as a huge deal as long as you're comfortable with it. Cristine: Yeah, and as long as they're not making you feel bad for it later.
Ben: Exactly. Or feeling like you owe them something because they pay for all those sorts of things, right?
Cristine: Yes. Ben: Yeah, is that a good take on it? Do you agree?
Cristine: Yeah, I would agree. I think ... Going back to before Ben,
Ben: Uh-oh. Cristine: when I used to go on dates---it's the only reference point I have here---I would almost always offer to split it And I think half the time the guy would usually just be like "No, I insist," and I basically like couldn't argue anymore because it was just like "I don't care; I already gave my credit card. "
Ben: You don't really want to argue on a first date. Cristine: Exactly. And then the other half of guys would say like "Sure, let's split it" and I always honestly felt better about the whole experience when he let me split it. I appreciate---just as anyone on either gender, because it really does ... it should not matter, especially today--- I appreciate that the other person is offering to cover it, just as I had, too, in the past, but I think splitting it is just makes both parties feel good, because you have the good sentiment of the other party wanting to treat you, but then you ultimately ended up equal, which is kind of like a win-win to me in my modern eyes. Ben: To, yeah, to give it from a guy's perspective of her talking a more guy/girl relationship sort of traditional dynamic.
Cristine: Yeah, how do you feel? Ben If a girl is like super willing to let a guy pay for everything all the time, that's a bit of a red flag. Because you ... Even if you are willing to be the one to pay for everything, whether you're the man or woman or whoever in a relationship, you want to see the other person wanting to contribute. It's a bit of a red flag if the other person is willing to be taken care of all the time, I think, too.
Cristine: Yeah. Ben: All right, next one: "When did you and Ben decide you wanted to be with each other for the foreseeable future?" Have we made that decision yet? "I met my boyfriend of four years in my first year of university and he's the love of my life and I want him to be my partner in life. But I just realized I'm bisexual. I've never dated anyone else, so now i'm worried that I gave up on valuable life experiences too early. Did you date before meeting each other and did that help you make your decisions to be with each other? I'm in STEM, so the fact that I made this decision purely based in love and the fact that we work so well and help each other without multiple data points shocked me." I don't think you can treat a relationship necessarily like a ... as rationally as an experiment.
Cristine: What if you have the bio data?
Ben: The bio data. Ben: Yeah, really. Oh, man, this is a tough one. So ...
Cristine: It's tough because being in relationships and going through a few of them definitely gives you more experience and knowledge in what you want in a relationship. Ben: And here's what I'll say about that: In my personal experience, being in a few relationships before you---and not many, just a couple that kind of mattered--- those relationships really helped me figure out who I was as a person, and it really helps you figure out who you are and what you want, and then I think that allows you to figure out what you want in a partner, in a way. So I feel like I couldn't have just ended up in a relationship with like the first person I ever dated, for that reason. But mostly because like I just had to figure out a lot of stuff about myself and what I felt and what I wanted, too, right? So we both dated people before we started dating each other. It's not like we're high school sweethearts and stuff like that. Cristine: Yeah, we only met in the first year of master's degree.
Ben: Yeah, so we were what, like twenty-
Cristine: Twenty-two? Ben: Something like that.
Cristine: Something like that. So.
Ben: Twenty-three.
Cristine: I guess. Twenty-three. That's still young, I guess, but it is older than most people start dating, right?
Ben: Yeah. So, yes, I had a few relationships before you and some of them were a couple years long so I think that those experiences helped me learn more about what I want. And I definitely changed my interests and what I wanted in life and just like who I thought I was as a person over the course of those relationships, because you're just growing as an individual during that age,
Ben: Sure.
Cristine: whether or not you are in a relationship at all.
Ben: At the same time, I will say I know people who are still with their partner as adults--the people like their high-school sweetheart, for example. Like, you know, like I don't want to say it can't work out that you find someone who is really right for you. Like I don't believe that there's just like that one person out there for you. I think that's a really like old-school kind of goofy idea. But I think it's totally possible that at a young age you find someone and grow with them and that is like a, you know, a perfect relationship for you and that could be "the one." Cristine: Yeah, I don't think there's a right or a wrong answer here It's not wrong to, you know, start dating someone at sixteen and stay with them for the rest of your lives if you're happy with them and you're happy with the trajectory of the two of you growing together and you're growing in the same direction and improving each other, then, you know, it is what it is. Maybe you ... maybe that's considered lucky to meet someone at sixteen and never have to date someone else again.
Ben: If the only thing giving you hesitation is wondering what else is out there, but you are otherwise totally happy in your relationship that is not a good reason, I think, to end a relationship.
Cristine: But what if that's part of your journey of self-discovery and figuring out more about yourself, right? Like she's talking about her sexual preferences maybe might be different and she hasn't really explored that and as a young person that might be Incredibly important for you. So maybe sometimes looking at your own self-journey of discovery is more important and outweighs staying in a certain relationship that might be limiting to you. But it's kind of on a case-by-case basis and I don't think that there is a correct answer here like "Yes, you should go forth on your own" or "No, you should remain and stay because you love them." it really depends and you have to ask yourselves these questions and and think about where are you going to be in a couple years if you choose to stay in this path or what might you be missing that could be of value to you. And unfortunately we can't Tell you what to do.
Ben: We can't answer that for you. Cristine: It's just how you feel and what you feel is is right for you. Ben: But like we're literally reading a question from someone saying like they think they found the love of their life, but they don't know what they haven't experienced.
Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: And, you know, we can't answer that for you. I wonder how open you are about having this conversation with your partner, because, you know, maybe in a very progressive way, It's something you two could discuss and work out. I don't know if there is a solution there, but I just ... I can't help but think you don't want to throw away ... Cristine: But to be fair, if people mutually decide they just want to go on their own paths for now, that doesn't mean that they won't find each other again if their lives lead back together. Ben: Sure. But it's also not a guarantee that you can get back together.
Cristine: For sure. You can't just pick up where you left off when one of you says "Okay, I'm ready to come back." So it's a risk that you have to be willing to take. Ben: And I just have to tell you that like no matter how many data points you get, you're ... that's not going to give you an answer. There is no equation here for you. You know what I mean? Like you can't look at it the same way as an experiment, I don't think.
Cristine: I think they know that; I think they are just being silly. They're in STEM. Ben: All right, next one. "My boyfriend thinks being a dog wedding photographer is a genius idea. I think it's crazy. We've been discussing this for two weeks now." Cristine: What does that mean? Taking pictures of dogs who are getting married or taking pictures of dogs at weddings? Ben: Either way, I think it's a genius idea and you should be fully supportive of his dreams. No. No, seriously, though, like people treat their pets like children now. There's probably totally a niche market for taking like ... There's goofy pet photo things. Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: I mean, maybe you don't want to put all your eggs in that basket, but you probably should have included your boyfriend's business name in this question so he would have gotten a little bit of free promo here. Any ideas, Cristine? I mean, like you could be a photographer and this could just be like one aspect of your business, I guess. Cristine: Yeah, like I have a friend who does wedding photography, but then on the side she started doing dog photography like in parks, because of Covid, so it's easier to take pictures of like animals in parks, right?, then like at home in a studio anyways.
Ben: Sure.
Cristine: So maybe your boyfriend is on to something. Ben: Maybe. Maybe he just came up with the million-dollar idea and you should supportive of it. Cristine: Well, since people can't get--- Well, people can get married, but since it's harder to have large weddings right now because of Covid, what if like dogs could just have fake weddings? Ben: How does that fix the problem? What?
Cristine: I mean, it's just fun. In lieu of people weddings, we could have dog weddings and everyone on the internet could just be like a happier place, you know? Ben: Sure. Okay.
Cristine: Or cat weddings.
Ben: Good luck to you and your boyfriend Here's another one:"My bf is telling me I hang the toilet paper wrong. I keep telling him there is no right or wrong way to hang the toilet paper. What are your opinions?" Cristine: All right, Ben. Is it over or under?
Ben: I ... There is no right ... Like I can't believe how many people ask this question.
Cristine: No, no, no, no. Ben: First of all, like I think you need to, you know, examine your lives if this is the kind of thing you're having conversations about. You know what I mean? Like this isn't such a ... I hang it over. That is my preference.
Cristine: Correct. Ben: it also means the cats could, you know, bat at it and knock it off the roll, I guess, but ... Cristine: They could do that either way.
Ben: But like who who really cares, right?
Cristine: I mean, I always hang it, because I end up using more toilet paper, so I'm the one replacing it.
Ben: Okay.
Cristine: Have you ever hung a toilet paper thing? Ben: Is that a legitimate question? Have I ever put a roll of toilet paper ...
Cristine: I feel like it's always me putting the toilet paper rolls recently.
Ben: Because you're always finishing it? Cristine :Yeah.
Ben: I've gotten new toilet paper before, yes.
Cristine: But have you hung it? Ben: Okay, next question. Oh, and last question, from Michelle: "I put the maple syrup in the cabinet and my boyfriend puts it in the fridge. Who is right?" Cristine: Well, I think the real question is, is this fake syrup or is this real maple syrup?
Ben She's saying maple syrup. We're going to take it on face value that we're talking about maple syrup here.
Cristine: Real maple syrup?
Ben: Real maple syrup. Cristine: So if it's real maple syrup, it goes in the fridge. If it's fake corn syrup, that shit doesn't matter. It doesn't matter where you put it. Put it in the trash for all I care.
Ben: Here's what I'll say about this one, just so there's a bit of a compromise, you know. Don't want to cause any fights here. You know, if that bottle of maple syrup is lasting more than a few weeks and you want to preserve its quality for months, it should go in the fridge.
Cristine: Yes. But if you're going through tons of maple syrup and that bottle is going to be done soon and you prefer it at room temperature, I think that's okay, too.
Cristine: But it tastes sweeter when it's in the fridge. It like brings out the maple sugar crystals, if we're talking about real maple syrup, not that Aunt-Jemima shit.
Ben: Okay. All right. Thank you. Michelle. I hope that very serious issue in your relationship gets resolved. Cristine: Look at them. They're so cute in their profile pic. Ben: All right, there's the questions for the week. How do you feel, Cristine? Do you think we made anyone break up? Ben: I hope not, guys. Like just because we've been in a relationship for eight years does not make us experts Ben: Yeah.
Cristine: Right, Ben? Ben: No, it absolutely doesn't. We're still figuring it out as we go, right?
Cristine: Every day. Ben: And that's the fun of having a partner
Cristine: Of trying to live together.
Ben: in crime. Cristine: Yeah.
Ben: There was a good mix of like silly and serious ones. I think I just want to be a little careful that like some of them really just depend on your values and your sort of comfort in who you are and who you want to be, and no one can really answer that for you, right? Cristine: Yeah, don't look to an influencer in their like two-minute response to answer your ... a really important question in your life. Like if you're talking about a relationship in your life, that's incredibly important, I'm assuming, unless it's not important to you. Then that's another discussion. But these things shouldn't be handled lightly and you shouldn't just take advice from Ben: Strangers
Cristine: or from reddit, right? Like reading a forum. I wouldn't do that. Like maybe talk to others in your personal life who know the person that you're in a relationship with, if you're just looking for someone to talk to about it. Ben: Yeah, that's totally fair. And apologies to LaurDIY. We were going to have her on today to talk about like her perspective on the new Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B song, WAP. Cristine: Oh, were we?
Ben: I think that's ... I think that stands for "Waffle and Pancakes," so I wonder if you could put maple syrup ...
Cristine: Yeah, Joana said that. Ben: Oh, yeah, Joana Ceddia. Yeah, that's where I got that.
Cristine: She has a really good perspective on the waffles and pancakes
Ben: Anyway,
Cristine: Delicious. Ben: LaurDIY couldn't make it, because she got a little wild till nine last night. She partied a little too hard. She slept in and missed the call. But hopefully we can get her on another day. Cristine: Yes
Ben: What do you ... What do you think of that WAP? Waffles and pancakes? For anyone who doesn't know, there's a new song by Cardi B that's very sexually explicit About ... That's kind of like her thing in general, right? A lot of her songs are about like "I'm a woman who enjoys sex," I guess. And then there's a lot of conversation about if that's empowering or not, and it seems like it really triggers a lot of like conservative people.
Cristine: Yeah. People with platforms who are conservative seem to get really upset at the idea of these women singing these songs. Cristine: And I think that's the point of the music and all of it is to trigger those particular people. They want to kind of upset them and make them uncomfortable, because, for decades, it's always been quite the opposite, where men could brag about like their sexual prowess and whatever they do and it be looked up to, so now all the sudden the women are doing it, these conservative men are being like "That's immoral." So I think that's kind of the point of all of this. It's like some ... Yeah. As for my own personal feelings, I don't really care. Because, I mean, like personally it wouldn't empower me as my little sock self to be like Cardi B. I would feel very silly
Ben: Doing that? doing those dances; I don't think I could pull it off. But if that makes you feel good as a woman and empowering, then that's totally cool, too.
Ben: Good for you.
Cristine: Yeah. Ben: Yeah, I think we're totally on the same page, that it's really absurd and kind of hilarious but also sad to see people reacting to this as if it's like some morally abhorrent, terrible thing for our culture. "How dare these women talk about enjoying sex," right? At the same time, I've noticed that anyone who sort of questions whether or not these songs are empowering to women kind of immediately get labeled as misogynists. And, you know, like I was reading the ... I listened to the song and in one of the verses it's talking about, you know, "You know, I'm so good at sex, I get a man to pay for things for me."
Cristine: Ah.
Ben: I don't really ... You know, I'm just some guy. I don't really know why a woman would find that empowering.
Cristine: Good point.
Ben: Know what Imean? Cristine: I haven't closely analyzed the lyrics. I did watch the music video,
Ben: Okay.
Cristine: finally. But, if that is a lyric, that is kind of taking away from my ... what I thought that their major message was, which was like, we as women are powerful and we can do what we want with our own means. We don't need your money or your help. Which I think is a generally [unintelligtible] message.
Ben: I think it's more about like "I'm a woman that can talk about enjoying sex graphically." And I think you kind of touched on something before, like for years we've had like hip-hop music from men that is very ... brags about their sexual conquests.
Cristine: They're like "I fucked her in the back" or whatever. Something like that.
Ben: Something like that. So this is sort of a response to that. But I also do wonder like when we hear male rappers, you know, bragging about having sex with a lot of women, I know some people think that's cool and I guess a lot of kids like that, but I hear that, I think it's just lame, right?
Cristine: Like the Shaggy song, "It wasn't me." "Got her in the bathroom..." Ben: I guess, just more crude stuff like that or like rap ... Music videos that are full of like girls shaking their asses that is pretty just like objectifying women sexually; I roll my eyes at that stuff. And I kind of similarly wonder like, A female answer to that: Is that empowering or is it just similarly like who are these people sort of just ...
Cristine: I mean, they're kind of taking the culture and turning it on its head. Maybe that's just part of like statement making. Ben: Are they, though, if the lyrics are still about like "I'm so good at," you know, "sex that this guy's going to pay my tuition"? I think that was one of the lines.
Cristine: It said pay your tuition?
Ben: Yeah. Cristine: Well, tuition, okay! No, i'm just kidding.
Ben: She's trying to empower herself and get further ahead. Cristine: Oh, interesting twist here.
Ben: I guess. Anyway, I'm just some guy, so who cares what I think. But ... Yeah, yeah. Do whatever floats your boat. All right, I think that's it. Simply, you got anything else for us?
Cristine: Let's WAP it up I'm quitting. Ben: It's very gushy.
Cristine: I'm quitting.
Ben: Okay, we'll see you next Taco Tuesday/
Cristine: Like a Holo Taco. Thank you, everybody.
(Cristine: Wet like my glossy taco.) Ben: Shh! Stop! Stop right now. We'll see you next Taco Tuesday. Thank you for tuning in.
Cristine: Thanks so much for watching.
Both: See y'all later.
Cristine: Bye!
