Unintentionally Funniest Thing You’ve Ever Heard a Child Say

what's the unintentionally funniest thing you've ever heard a child say had a friend who transported goods for a pharmaceutical company he jokingly referred to it as delivering drugs in front of his four-year-old nephew one day the friend was supposed to pick his nephew up from they care his caretaker asked him conversationally what his uncle did for a living of course the kid spouts off that his uncle delivered soul drugs for a living this did not go over well with the caretaker she proceeded to call the mother who burst out laughing before she could explain my wife works in the outpatient pharmacy of a children's hospital i tell everyone that she sells drugs to kids my little brother 10 was telling a story about his friend jay and himself to an older lady who is quite stiff about kids these days brother me and jay were playing lady jay and i brother no you weren't there laughter erupts no you weren't there i'm going to use this next time someone corrects me on that i was explaining to my four-year-old son what muscles are and asked him to look at my biceps he said hold on i need to go get my magnifying glass i didn't even know what to say and my wife is still laughing about it haha your son probably didn't understand what he just said dad what's that that's a cemetery what's a cemetery that's where they bury dead bodies oh a few minutes pass dad yeah where do they bury the heads he's well on his way to becoming a dad my wife and i take our children to see santa in macy's nyc we have a five-year-old boy and a three-year-old girl we get on the elevator to go up and my son says to her 20-something girl as she gets on hey girlfriend do you want to see my pokemon my kid and me after a large blowout i had with my ex-wife over something stupid our two daughters heard my ex unloading on about how she hates me and how terrible i am and i knew when she gets like that i have to walk away she would say some pretty cutting things anyways i am angry and i go sit on the couch in the living room with the lights off my four-year-old walks up to me l dad no one likes you a me yeah i gathered thanks l mommy doesn't like you i don't like you helen 1.5 yo doesn't like you me yeah thanks l hahaha i played a joke on you i am kidding i don't know what helen thinks geez that was freaking brutal i worked as a teacher's assistant for a year and i have a weird last name so i got the kids to call me mr a if they couldn't pronounce it but some kids still tried to say their interpretation of my name one of the kids said mr a i am gonna start calling you mr avocado because i can't remember your last name and i don't like avocado salad i could tell hundreds of stories from my camp counselor days ten years ago or so but one that will always stick out was when i had a group of six eight-year-olds on an exploration hike decently far into the woods and one of the boys told me he needed to go to the bathroom okay trevor i asked do you know how to go to the bathroom outside questioning whether or not he understood to do his business out of view from the rest of the group on a tree or something yeah he assured me while walking away i just take my peanuts out and go couldn't argue with his answer i was in a park three children about eight years old were playing together and two of them ran away laughing the third caused them to come back but they kept running he passed near me and whispered freaking earthlings i used to work in a preschool and a little boy heard me say that one of my friends was visiting baltimore the kid immediately gasped and went you aren't supposed to say his name he thought that voldemort was named baltimore and was horrified that someone i knew was visiting he who must not be named i didn't correct him good morning vue elder milord every day's like a curse boudoir every night's like a fantasy every spells like a symphony good morning vue elder milord and someday when i kill on the floor the whole world will wake up and see e voldemort and demi literally five seconds ago a little girl asked me are you melissa i am a 250 pound bearded man i am decidedly not melissa i bet you would be a great melissa if you wanted i'm a mailman and one day a little girl came to the door to get the mail she looked up at me with a big smile and said thank you whaleman i spent the rest of the day thinking about how much more interesting of a job that would be when i was four i told my entire family at my birthday party that my wemo got big whenever i needed to really pee my grandmother nearly died laughing as a child my brother didn't like peanuts as a treat after dinner one sunday we had cornetis my brother peeled the wrapper off and then turned to my dad and said dared can you nibble my nuts off my aunt wet herself laughing when my cousin was still a toddler they were constipated so badly that a suppository was prescribed this led to an episode in which my cousin screamed no daddy not the bum medicine again while their bedroom window was open and the neighbors were having a bbq we were bringing lunch to the teachers at school and my daughter announced that we made a special soup for mr s because he's a virgin mr s is a vegan and from that day on the 40 year old mr s has been trying to imply that he was not a virgin to the other teachers while still maintaining professionalism and not appear creepy went to mcdonald's once and headed for the bathroom just before i opened the door this small child busts through with his friend and he yells i ain't washing my hands i'm a bad boy this happened four years ago and i still laugh about it i've shared this before but once when my niece was very little maybe three we passed her bridge under construction and there were two big cranes working she sighed in this resigned way and said i knew one day the dinosaurs would come and get me i almost had to pull over i laughed so hard around the same time we were having a dinner party and my best friend and i were sitting in the living room she toddles in and i hold out my arms she runs and jumps into my friend's lap i exclaim but p i'm blood she screams and runs towards me you blood wear and proceeds to check me over for flesh wounds she's awesome at the zoo watching a rhino and a young family is next to me out of the blue the rhino got an erection something brought to my attention by the young boy yelling whoa look at his whiner is yours that big daddy the father turned bright red while the mother laughed her butt off when my nephew was a toddler around christmas time he asked me uncle extra sherman can we sled ride in heck i was kind of taken aback trying not to laugh we all heard it my sister cleared it up though he was trying to say can we sled right down the hill a little background when my daughter was little she would make any excuse to try to sleep in our bed we also had a lab named morty who fell in love with her the day we brought her home from the hospital and followed her around until the day he died one night she told me mommy i can't sleep in my bed because morty left all of his dog feathers in it yep that's a lab been a year since mine passed and we are still finding lab feathers my niece was three when my nephew was born she came up to me and my girlfriend when we visiting my sister in hospital and said so am i not allowed to punch the baby in the head glad she at least asked my cousin's daughter punched my baby in the head with a hulk hand on [Music] uncle had a tick in his ear when we went camping my nephew pronounced tick as dong and would not stop shouting uncle tom's got a big old dong in his ear over and over again stick a big old dong in your ear and frick what you heard my husband was pulled up for random breath testing as the cop told us we were fine to go on our way my youngest child piped up well that went better than last time turns out he meant last time hubby was rb teddy bitched about it because it was raining and the shoulder he was pulled up on was boggy one little girl asked her friend does your mom have a baby in her belly the woman was quite overweight the kid says oh there's every possible thing in there sorry it's hard to get it across in english but it was hilarious d i'm a man and i once heard a child say look mommy he is pregnant like you while pointing at my belly family went to olive garden restaurant waitress delivers the obligatory bowl of salad with the salad tongs i proceed to start mixing up the salad with the tongs my four-year-old daughter sits up and stares into the bowl and then looks up at me and asks what are you looking for a purpose in the lebanese dialect arabic the word eerie means my dong a young lebanese boy was counting to 100 in english when he got to the 80s instead of saying 80 he replaced it with ibree eerie one eerie 2 eerie 3 eerie 4 eerie 5 erie 6 illuri 7 eliriari 9 we lost two people that day due to excessive laughter tilta sedong in arabic was out to lunch with my fiance her parents and my four-year-old niece i gave her a quarter so she could get some skittles from the candy machine we are driving home and she is intentionally offering everyone skittles and telling me i can't have any all of a sudden she looks at me and asks what is that in your hand i show her my empty hand and she says no your other hand i was pretty confused and opened my other hand to show her there was nothing in it either she looks at me with this crap eating grin and says hum no skittles my seven-year-old son slept on the top bunk of a bed with his brother down below he's a bit of a tank and was hitting around 28 kgs one night he asked me to put him to bed and i said mate you're getting really heavy i'm not sure that i can lift you all the way up that high anymore he looked me straight in the eye and said that you just need to believe in yourself any time the girl five i babysit wants me to crawl under the table has weird legs that don't give much space or crawl in her tunnel i'm a six-foot lady i remind her that i can't fit and she always says just try you can do it they're so encouraging it hurts at a friend's house during lunch his daughter had early gobbled down her food and had crumbs all over her face her mom trying to get her to clean up asked what's on your face and her daughter snapped back with nothing what's wrong with your face me how old do you think grandpa is five years old nephew um 12 me no he's actually 62 nephew who he is going to die soon me eight little kids either think a person is really really old or like five years older than them my niece likes to sing in front of everyone at holiday gatherings when she finishes she says everybody crap instead of everybody clap always gets a good laugh please crap i used to ask my little cousin around five six years old at a time if she knew any swear words she started listing off all the bad words she knew hate stupid crap frick wait what was that last one it escalated so quickly and nonchalantly that it had me dying duty but cephalitic w my partner's five-year-old daughter was watching me do my makeup in the mirror and she said you look like an angel but that's the sweetest thing she's ever said to me so i gushed like a teenage girl and thanked her with a big grin on my face then she elaborated you look like you're dead when i was a kid i once called my sister a pregnant mosquito i don't remember why but it still comes up at family gatherings when i was four i was running around the dining room when i hit my elbow on a chair i proceeded to tell my mom ouch my testicles i'm a girl that extra skin on the elbow does feel like a scrotum my three-year-old semi accidentally poked her four-year-old sister pretty hard in the belly button last night the four-year-old spent the next 15 minutes complaining that her sister had hurt her in the uterus well to be fair when my better button is poked at by anyone i can feel it all the way down to my uterus vaginal area this is a pretty common thing so she might not be wrong my five-year-old discovered dancing and was dancing constantly at bedtime take off your clothes it's time for jammies okay daddy but i dance while i take off my clothes my 18 month old loves to dance her dancing involves bending her knees real low and bouncing to the beat it looks like the tiniest little white girl twerking and it kills me every time in the middle of my local zoo there's a big clearing where they let all the african animals except the carnivores obviously mingle in an attempt to recreate a natural habitat last time i was there i was standing near a little boy and his mother and the kid was in awe of what he was seeing suddenly though he saw something that got him really really excited look mummy look he shouted pointing it's a pigeon the thing is he was absolutely right in an african setting an english pigeon is the exotic one it was about nine years ago when i was chilling at my sister's place during summer break she was watching a 60 minutes interview of recently elected president barack obama with my nieces in the room the youngest at the time who was three saw the screen and then yelled out of the office it's abracadabra when she saw who was talking i knew a kid three who called him brock librima so my almost four-year-old has a speech delay and she pronounces horse's w and she has a my little pony toy that she takes everywhere anyway she dropped it in walmart one time and i didn't notice and was walking away she was in the cart and she yells mommy my w get my w oh god i laughed so freaking hard as did a lot of people around me obviously had some nasty looks but whatever she thinks she says horse we're working on it my sister who had been learning about different religions sat on mine and lap and in all earnestness asked her are you a catholic or a prostitute three-ish year-old girl on airplane loudly announced my daddy left me and mommy and i don't know where he went then she pointed to her mom's tummy and told everyone there is a baby in there too the mom had to remind her to tell the rest of the story that daddy had taken another plane to a different city for work but would be meeting up with them in a few days on their family vacation and i've experienced similar loudly proclaimed to a group of adults at the park daddy's 34 mommy's 19 and i am almost 5 inches i had to remind him that mommy is not actually 19. my boyfriend's little brother was six seven at a time and had recently learned some anatomy terms for some reason he had anus and penis confused and no matter how many times my boyfriend and i tried to tell him that the anus is in back and the penis is in front and every other way we could figure out how to say it he just wasn't getting it it got pretty loud at one point with my boyfriend yelling though the anus doesn't pee and his brother saying something along the lines of why do anuses get bigger when you get older eventually i pulled out my anatomy textbooks and showed him a few diagrams and he finally figured it out still the funniest thing ever no the anus doesn't pee speak for yourself watching star wars with my five-year-old nephew great scene with darth sidious sitting in his little cha facing out to space you can't see him and all you can see is the chair before he does his big spinning chair reveal cider says something like a skywalker i've been waiting for you or something my nephew turns to me shrugs his shoulders and says talking chair don't know why this caught me but i lost it my favorite part is that the story didn't stop dead for him when a talking chair showed up and instead he just shrugged and went with it i have a two-year-old little girl who talks very well for her age one day i'm standing in the kitchen and she bursts through this beaded curtain we have on the door but she's got this real annoyed look on her face and she says son of a bee and just kept walking by me one day when my nephew was about three one stroke two i was goofing around with him while i got him dressed for the day he was learning to put his socks on and after he would get one on and start with the second i would snatch the first and slip it over his hand after two or three go-arounds he grabbed the sock from me looked me in the eyes and said my socks go on my freaking feet my daughter when she was three walked into the bedroom wearing a shirt undies no pants barbie high heels and a carrier bag on her shoulder i asked her where she was going and she says to work and then to wait watches am i your daughter if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 28,765

Rating: 4.9733925 out of 5

Keywords: unintentionally funny, unintentionally funny moments, unintentionally funny scenes, funniest, what kids say, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: znmtbBUZPlU

Length: 18min 29sec (1109 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 14 2021