UNHhhh Ep. 148 - Babies!

[Music] i swear to god i was on days of our lives and i heard my nanny and i heard the baby crying from the dressing room i came in the middle of the scene i kept going professional and you know what i got the yummy for that i look like a fun gal you look real groovy hello girl best compliment ever was from raven perfect thank you so much yeah she wouldn't change a thing about my makeup that is the best it might have meant i don't think there's anything to help here yeah oh did your fat chunky ass just break that steel chair hold on i can't figure out if this thing is pulled down enough are you hiding i'm coming this hi i'm half off at the nordstrom rack trixie mattel oh shomo oh cut sorry hi i don't want to hear anything about this wig trixie mattel and i just saved a fortune on car insurance by sucking and welcome to the show where we talk about whatever we want cause it's our show and not yourself you know why i don't want a baby because your butt i have a sneaking suspicion that it turns into a child and i hate children worse at least babies don't know well let me tell you what babies don't know jack babies are stupid yeah they're like a casserole of utter foolishness eight pound pieces who's here to ruin my life you think that because it goes every like two hours that i'm gonna care and love that child no i know people talk about like what if i adopt and i have a hard time bonding even if that child came from me this baby better come out michael phelps or celine dion or lebron james or something i'm gonna be like yeah it better come out with like photo realistic watercolor ability yes give me something i can monetize well i mean you can monetize a baby very easily oh baby modeling even from the comfort of your home via instagram sell the baby well yeah sell the baby but if you sell the baby once you don't make that money you gotta really kinda would you ever have a baby no cause um you know the old expression if you have a baby you can't be the baby that's kind of a deal breaker for me too not one lickering bleeding millisecond of my life has been spent earnestly pining for a child you don't think sometimes when you see like a child with a parent and you're like how is that me have i accepted everything because i'm supposed to be doing that oh that turned into a read i didn't mean it i i didn't need it i'm sorry are you trying to awaken me to my life's purpose which is i said maybe not for you yeah maybe try a kid just try something more manageable raising a child for 20 plus years now when we're at the drag con or you're at a meet-and-greet people bring a baby do you hold the baby i will never hold i will never support the weight of a baby with my own hands wow i'm not gonna don't you have a baby nephew i have a nephew you wasn't having a baby at some point i mean sure probably did you hold it then i did not really i did not i said this is why i think parenting would be hard for you to never once hold the child he's been over here all day someone get it why would i hold a baby why would i hold a baby what does that baby have to offer i don't want to hold a vase with flowers i barely kiss my boyfriend in the mouth that's it that part you know what pull my finger again i disagree because i love babies okay and whenever a baby comes in the ingredient you like the photo first thing i say is can hold the baby why they're just weird it's like a puppy but it's a human you want to hold the weird thing they're they're mushy okay so mushy warm do you ever want to eat and you can drop them they get right back up babies balance yeah fontanelles yeah which is my drag name spontaneous anastasia i would always take the baby and i go may i and the mom holds the baby over and i flip baby i hold it by the leg in the picture like the trout i caught in a rural alaska danglingbabies.com i have a question yeah it's more of a story okay there's a lot of people who get silicone baby dolls and they they they come in a blanket in a package and they're slowly like one lip at a time so they'll be like all right here we go and they pull out the leg and they're like oh my god i'm crying oh my god look at the toes i'm already crying it's so oh my god people have like a visceral reaction to even fake it's like an emotional unboxing yes of the baby they're crying for the fake baby doll and then get into this [ __ ] people take the baby wrap in a blanket go to the grocery store walk around with it and people go how old just six days like that yeah i love it that i'm here for you know that big intersection that goes diagonal on i think it's hollywood and hollywood in highland maybe yeah oh that's you know how they yeah yeah yes two uh seconds left on the red light you drop the baby in the mother crosswalk mama that's the drama i'm here for that's theater drama and then you know what i've been that intersection and the hot young the hot young influencers will walk across and then they yes they do basically a red light and the person's like yeah time is so crazy yeah traffic stops i wish murder was legal the number of people i would kill any of them babies you killed her what was she doing she was taking pictures of herself in the middle of the crosswalk if i didn't do it a tahoe was going to i don't know how to say this without sounding you wouldn't [ __ ] yeah i wouldn't have a baby without help are you kidding me oh my god you're like charlotte in the sex in the city movie number two where she's um she's like how do women without help do it seriously though it's like the people right now complaining about the first gay throuple to adopt how many parents even if you're a two-parent family i bet both those parents would go [ __ ] i would love an extra pair of hands no everybody wants a nanny they do have to figure it out that's true well your spouse doesn't feel like in that day guess who does your other spouse yeah y'all can each do dishes once a week basically because there's three days in a week were you a cute kid i want to see receipts i don't trust your opinion do you have receipts this me and this is the last sports outfit i wore probably you look so funny i don't want to touch it i don't want to hold it i don't know how it would be yeah i used to be uh a real life ojibwa native american and then apparently i just turned white used to be is this really you does that's me butt naked oh this is a real baby picture honey look at that kid look at that can you can't come for that ass it looks like you're doing the rap dance on tickets yeah i was adorable apparently i was also an easy baby and now do you think baby pictures are important if you had a baby would you want to get pictures right away i would stage them in the house that'd be the only fun thing about having a baby oh first of all if you and i ever acquire a baby it's anne getty over she's done oh birthday photos i'm talking babies with trumpets i'm talking hansel and gretel baby cinnamon buns in the oven oh you know what i mean yeah [ __ ] i'm talking a foreskin that you pull back baby baby with lashes the way my baby would wear wig i think i'm actually trying i think i might be changing my tune about babies c lucrative yeah i'm gonna have a baby tomorrow can you return a baby if you don't like it return it to who i don't know god see i think you and i if we had a baby but like we're not going to and you know that the teenagers are going to be like if you guys had a baby i would die we're not having no that baby would die a baby would die when this one goes m.i.a and i have a career opportunity i'm giving the mobile above the crib one spin and i'm out of here good luck with this sitter honey yeah it's a wrap up in here what the [ __ ] is going on in here on this day gun deer head have to choose a name today it's a baby boy kristen i already told you christian i'll give you it's like escaping scientology and joining your baby elrond okay i'll give you another one james derek mark adam doesn't it doesn't matter your baby is not unique because you name a moonbeam hilgoth or whatever like it's that is off you know i do like hill golf or like angle birth humper jank what's that guy that superhero um cucumber good cucumber benedict cumberbatch yeah cucumber guadalupe mcgillicuddy now that's that's the name yeah or this one how about this kaylee how do you spell that oh k-e-i-g-h-l-e-i-a-o is like no no much it's too much it's too much it's willfully traumatizing of a child the most popular baby names in 2021 are richie salem and keonis all right yeah let's go i think i'm done i need to take a lap i need to take a lap and let's just say what it is what these are white people oh they're the whitest white people phoenix my son phoenix and my daughter mcnavy [Music] mcnavy [ __ ] mcnavy inglebirth humperdinck and the white folks are the worst because they just take it out it's not a thin air that's what i'm saying when someone is like mckayley i'm like what are you doing right now you're obviously white and you're from some amount of privilege and rich people love to put weird names on babies yeah poor people are like i'm just trying to have my baby survive how about beth greatest female uh vaulter in the world michaela mckay why not just kayla or mcdonald's yeah serious question you meet the love of your life you're together five years he really wants a baby boom about six months into this hellish torture that you never imagined you both look at each other like crying you're like we can't do this anymore that happens of course it does mary i know there's a whole host of things that could go wrong i'm talking this kid is rosemary's the baby the child of the devil satan's spawn never sleeps always cries never wants to eat drive another club another club airport seriously what did i do is that what you're asking how would you get rid of it i don't think i would if we're being honest for comedy i throw it out a window but like in real life i would make it work okay you know what i do i get a room in a hotel motel sick or better and then in the morning when they're cleaning the carts you have the cart with the shampoos on it put the baby on yeah that's a little bit and i take a few shampoos on the way out i don't even have a towel but i might eat them who's the baby in this relationship if you have a sense of smell mama you don't need to ask i would say you're the baby yeah and when people are like hey we have a great opportunity you guys want to host the streamies i'm like i just put her down for a nap yeah she went down yeah she's got dirty diapers she can't yeah they always say that with babies too i just put her down oh i wish wait have you ever bathed a baby in the bathroom yeah i've done everything to a baby [Music] no i mean i've done all the taking care of a baby i've done it all okay yeah babies also during the bath sometimes poop in the water no no there is i wish there was no you know what jeffrey dahmer you used to be the most famous gay person from milwaukee well guess what from the start yeah oh wow my bar my gay bar this is it milwaukee wisconsin used to go pick up guys there sidebar and i know this is very popular with all the the netflix documentaries and stuff the glamorization or the the deification even of uh serial killers mama they're [ __ ] they're friends and they're horrible hot take no but they'll be like oh the evil genius i was like mama that's not a genius that's a head

Channel: WOWPresents

Views: 2,261,132

Rating: 4.9658251 out of 5

Keywords: world of wonder, world of wonder productions, wow report, rupaul's drag race, unh, unhhhh, season, six, trixie, mattel, katya, zamo, zamolodchikova, episode, five, babies, baby

Id: l9BuD3XPikc

Length: 12min 12sec (732 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 16 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/brentjc]

If you have a baby, then you can’t be the baby.

[u/kkoreto1991]

Baby Brians!

[u/brookegxwsh]

trixie’s baby photo reminded me of the beginning of ep.116 where katya makes herself look really fat

[u/Braepau]

Does anyone know who Trixie is talking about on Days of our Lives?

[u/much_blank]

i've watched this four times in a row. so good