Understanding Acceptance, Validation, Affirmation and Approval

hi everyone I want to take a few moments to talk about some important words that we all need in our life and some of our subscribers have written to me and have asked me to understand and to define and get some clarity on some very powerful aspects of love especially as it pertains to God's love and how we process it and the four words are the the words of acceptance validation affirmation and approval and I'd actually like to just take a few moments and define them not like just Webster's definition of defining them but to give you some clarity on how these words process in your life you need them and there are many things that happen when you don't get them in healthy ways that create a lot of dysfunction how you do relationship with God yourself with others how you see your identity and so forth so before I get into that consider subscribing to these videos and would you take a moment to support these videos with a one-time donation you can go to mark dehaze com click on the donate button or you can consider becoming a monthly partner in that you can support the work that we're doing and there's also some great partner materials that you can take advantage of as well so approval acceptance validation affirmation are all words that communicate how we receive love and how we process that out it starts in our childhood and when these things are not imprinted in the way that God designed us to receive them things in us start going haywire transistors start firing wrong because you were meant to be loved you were designed to be loved and love has many ways of manifesting its power and God even says that he is love it doesn't just have it he is it so when you interact with God you need to understand what it means to interact with love because it's the very aspect of his nature that he carries that he wants you to understand so let's talk about the first one which is acceptance and this turn acceptance gets thrown around a lot but what does it mean and I'm gonna spend the most of my time unacceptance because we're all lacking with this understanding of loving acceptance but yet it can be incredibly powerful when you receive it from God when you give it to yourself and also when you can process this in relationships around you acceptance is the experience of being welcomed and received into relationship and again I'm not trying to create a Webster's definition I'm just creating some handles and some references for you to understand acceptance is the power of love because the goal of love is relationship you are welcomed and received in you are welcomed as you are the work of Christ for us believers makes this so possible with God that he receives us as we are now God doesn't leave us as we are and that's important understand he takes us in relationship and then he moves with us in that foundation of relationship and see many people have not experienced the transforming power of God because they haven't truly understood what it means to truly be received and welcomed into relationship and accepted by God in Christ Jesus we're still basing it on all the things we've done how good we are how bad we are we're still basing them on our performance and God is wanting to clear the slate and understand truly what it means to receive that loving acceptance and I find that transformation can't happen in its truest power until we learn the power of what loving acceptance means because it builds the bedrock of love in our lives and all transformation happens in loving connection with God we must come into relationship out of relationship is where all the transformation occurs so God welcomes you in and says all right we're gonna take a journey and by you interacting with me in relationship you will be changed my word will change you my spirit will change you and so God is not trying to look at you from a distance and go hey change and then come in no no he he ushered in the ultimate sacrifice so that all you have to do is believe in what he did and this now uh sure Zinn connection so that he can walk with you in the transformational journey and you'll spend your entire life discovering what Jesus paid for it's amazing but what I want to do is I want to share with you some things about what acceptance is and what it is not just a couple couple thoughts is to help bring some clarification to the journey cuz I know there's a lot of confusion around these subjects but self acceptance is really important because many of you don't accept yourself and your good your bad and your ugly and your journey there's so much hostility you have within your thoughts against yourself here's some things I want to share acceptance welcomes you into relationship with God not based on what you've done but because of God's love and his work in your life that has to be established first and foremost number two acceptance is not affirming supporting or encouraging wrong and in the days that we live in we often love gets twisted acceptance gets twisted and then we redefine what God calls evil and good that's not what his acceptance does it doesn't redefine those things it doesn't call evil good but it is loves power to welcome you even while sin is present the Bible says this that God demonstrated his love towards us in that while we were still sinners okay so this is the power of God's love that comes in to welcome us in the presence of evil that needs to be worked out in our lives that needs freedom from but it doesn't redefine it it doesn't change it the Bible says that love covers the multitude of sins right what does that means is it ignore it pretend it's not there does it change and say no that thing that was once bad now it's good now what it does is love creates the environment by which sin can be eradicated by which sin can be healed because oftentimes in the battles that you have in your life God needs to get to the root system of those issues in those struggles he needs to get to the bottom of it of why you do the things you don't want to do because until that happens you'll always be chasing symptoms you'll always be chasing you just cutting branches and then they just keep growing back when God's love when God's love comes in and penetrates our hearts and we experience loving connection we're not so condemned and beating ourselves up all the time you've got those issues that you that you don't like and you know they're wrong and you go man I want to get free I don't get free from that issue that's the place to be I want to get free but I'm not beating myself up over it I'm receiving God's love because he's gonna help me get to the root system so many people are under a heavy pressure and weight in their transformation and it gets him back into law and works and and then they're in these cycles of never getting free God's love enters the picture so that loving relationship is going to be the key to help you unlock and get to the root system of why you do some of the stuff that you do that you don't want to do number three acceptance doesn't cheap and love some people think well this is gonna kind of cheapen what love should mean what it actually does is it deepens it it deepens the power of love because the goal is relationship and and this is very important in how you interact with others is that the goal is relationship connection and sometimes we can be so hyper aware of people's sin issues we forget they need to experience love loving connection and loving accept accept it doesn't compromise truth but it brings love as the priority that I want you to know that you're loved respected that there is a relationship interaction that's taking place here where love can be manifests raise that this is this is very very important in understanding now do you give this to yourself that's that's the key that many people struggle it they don't give this to yourself as a believer you look at whatever you're battling you're under this pressure and this weight right to get past it to get free to get healed or whatever that pressure makes it harder to get free it's an interesting dynamic it almost seems contradictory because you go no I want to do it's right but this pressure comes on you and then you self-condemned you're under performance you're under perfectionism and it creates a yoke makes everything hard what love does is allows you to take a deep breath to go alright it's okay that I'm not okay I want to be free but I need to experience God's loving acceptance right now the good the bad and the ugly then you move forward and what God's showing you in the journey okay acceptance and this is helpful for people as well too does not mean a problem or your current condition will stay forever meaning some people are scared saying well if I if I accept we're up if I experience acceptance where I'm at and that's gonna mean I'm gonna stay in this condition and I'm just accepting this as my destiny no it's not it's allowing you to refocus your attention on loving connection with God his love has the power to cast out fear his love has the power to cast out bitterness his love has the power to cast out self-hatred his love has the power to change your perspective but we've gotta let it have its work I'm gonna give you a few more what loving it what acceptance is and what it is not acceptance allows God's love to be received which will lead you into experiencing transformation we have to establish the love factor and out of that is where all transformation occurs that's why I and everybody I'm helping we are on a lifelong journey of what it means to truly receive his love and oftentimes your focus is God fixed me God fixed me God fixed me you have been an urban in a relationship where all the person wants to do is fix you it's a horrible relationship it's not fun it's not fruitful and so what God wants to establish is establish a true connection with you where you just know how to relate to him in his love number six without practicing acceptance you'll live under constant condemnation self-contempt over your battles in other words you're gonna become your own worst enemy number seven acceptance relieves you of the pressure to like have to be something gotta be somewhere be something or arrive in a certain state instead of just letting his love change you and I know number eight acceptance must be actively received I need that in an active way say yes to it I need to actively say yes to that love and so a major emphasis that I give to people is we've got to learn to be receivers of God's love of what it means to take it in and say yes to it people say wow it's hard it's it's it's uncomfortable or I don't know how to do that exactly cuz that's been the plague we've been told so much to give out give out give out give out love we haven't learned how to truly receive that from the Father and truly receive the connection of his love and then see ourselves with that love and then here's the thing you live out your relationships based on how you see yourself even many of you who give out love extravagantly but you're always burnt out and you're always tired because you make no room of receiving that love because you don't know how you don't have references and you stay in these cycles or many of you sabotage relationships or you struggle and I understand that struggle because it's just a receptivity issue in others all these things wrong with you it's just being able to tune in to the frequency of how to receive that love and it's why I'm so passionate about the book God loves me and I love myself because it it teaches some frameworks about how to remove the resistance but yet allow love to have it's work in our lives okay so let's talk about the next word which is the word validation this is a really important word because you all need validation you're born to need it and and validation is recognizing and pointing out the value of three things and again this is not Webster where I'm just trying to from a help standpoint help you to understand it's pointing out the value of who you are me like when Jesus was called out by Father God this is my beloved son Kate he's calling out his identity recognizing and pointing out the value of who you are what you are feeling we all need validation hey this is what I'm feeling and somebody just going yeah yeah I can understand that and what you have to offer and this is a major battleground that we all struggle with if you think about your history in your identity you know what you've felt over the years and what you have to offer there's so many gaps and holes and empty places where you've you've put out so much but it's not truly been recognized and validated many of you been ignored in it and that's created deep wounds and I find what you're feeling now they'll think about this this is so important because when you're feeling something of an experience that happened in your life so many of you have been deeply struggling for years because you went through something you experienced that you tried to share it it wasn't a negative experience and people dismissed it or they said that didn't happen or they pushed it away or they did it just sit and connect with you now whether it happened or it didn't we don't always know how to sit down and acknowledge what somebody's feeling and perceiving you know all our history and our memories have flaws in them no one remembers life perfectly but we remember how we remember it and sometimes what we just need is someone to just go hey I understand how you're feeling I understand how that could be painful to just validate hey as I'm sorting this out maybe wrong I may be off but I need to get it out and if I feel dismiss condemned ignored that is a cesspool and a breeding ground for all sorts of mental health issues emotional issues relationship issues most people that are dysfunctional or maybe they want a lot of attention or the over talk or they under talk or or they try too hard or they over perform or they feel like the need to get attention or they overt achieve or try to do so much or they get easily angered in relationship and it really comes down to a lack of validation and you were meant to have that imprinted going back to your childhood Jesus before he started his ministry the father spoke and said this is my beloved Son in whom I'm well pleased he did three things here he expressed love this is hey you're loved I love you he told them who he was which is what a father is supposed to do is tell you who you are and that's why we have so many identity issues because the father hasn't called out our earthly fathers didn't do what the Heavenly Father is doing and and that is calling out your identity validating it yeah that's who you are you're my son you're my daughter this is who you are calling out traits in you and then who I'm well pleased what is the well pleased it's giving approval get to that in just a moment but there's a validation there that stamps on you a security that you can carry and walk with validation settles you validation helps you to not feel crazy and all your thoughts because you get validated an eight nine crazy yeah your mind your feeling some stuff and it's okay and so many of us lack that and many times you went to someone and shared it and you didn't get that validation and it just creates this this massive wound that then can become so big you need everyone to validate you and when they don't it kicks up anger in you it kicks up a lot of thoughts that keep you from peace and and and wholeness in your life and so it all goes back to what was validation did you get that did you receive it now ultimately we can only truly get from God but our earthly relationships are our references the invisible God chose to show himself through visible human relationships so that we understand him even though we're flawed beings we understand him but ultimately we've got to learn who God truly is to gain that so it also nurtures you validation is a very nurturing experience to settle your heart my wife and I talk a lot about nurture and a lack of nurture but we live in a day and age where people lack validation and then you do so much and it's never recognised and even if it is it just it hits that deep wound and it's now become a bucket with holes so even when people do validate you it doesn't really satisfy because there's an empty wound that God needs to heal and so if these painful experiences you've had if you haven't been validated or or just heard we haven't don't even need to just be heard come on just hear me out that's a foundation of moving forward in healthy relationships and so I want you to know that that's where a rejection root comes in big-time I talk a lot about my book exposing the rejection mindset where so many of our lack of validation wounds come up when you miss out on validation in your life you develop a wound that triggers every time people don't validate you not being recognized not being listened to not being credit giving credit and so what you need to understand is many times these wounds can create idols in our life and what I mean by idols is these statements that say well if people don't recognize me if they don't validate me that I can't be happy and I'm gonna be irritable and I'm gonna be empty and people cannot 100% satisfy your need for validation now don't get me wrong we need to do a better job at it I just going hey that was awesome I appreciate who you are and and and and what you who you are what you do how you're feeling like that means a lot to me how much are we doing that in our families how much do you sit around the dinner table and just validate each other and just call out and we're so busy in our lives in our board meetings in our our mission assignments and all our performance strategies how much of that is really really on God's agenda for you anyway and we're missing out on the core needs of what it means to just validate each other and so here's the thing I found in the area where you've struggled with validation the most use that as radar to help others reach mindful of those around you if you've been ignored keep an eye out for people who haven't who haven't been validated and who seem to be ignored and overlooked because out of your pain God can use that as a place of ministry but again you want to tune your receptors into what it means to realize God's he's he's releasing validation over you and who you are you have an identity that he's wanting to call out and what you have to offer means a lot to him and when you're in pain he sees that and he's there and he's willing to hear and listen and be able to do exchange with you okay so that's a little bit about validation to more the term affirmation this is a huge need that we all have in our lives affirmation is the emotional support that we need right it's it's it's often verbal of affirmation is is is greatly expressed through verbal words assurance and declarative up encouragement so it's like I feel when I'm around you I feel affirmed because you emotionally support me you say things that build me up the Bible talks a lot about the term edification which means a building up and the goal of the body of Christ even in our gatherings is that you feel edified you feel encouraged you feel built up who you are gets affirmed it gets called out it gets re like just just continually rebuilt and and that structure gets stronger and stronger and a lot of it comes through words that's why father God spoke those words over Jesus Jesus needed to hear he needed to hear his heavenly father say I love you you're my son and I'm proud of you and so you were created to hear that but the problem is we didn't hear that growing up because God designs your mother and your father to be vessels of that in your life to demonstrate that and that's where we lack all those holes and areas and so we struggle in feeling affirmed and that's where a lot of our performance issues and and struggles come out of simply because you never heard that affirmation to say you're awesome now I understand we live in a world that's tough and I'm not saying raise our children in little bubbles if everything's great you're always great it was wonderful no we need to discipline when you bring correction love brings correction you know if you don't bring correction it's actually an act of hate it shows you don't love coz love goes I I care for this relationship so much I want to talk about these things but it's built on a foundation where true loving relationship and connection is there and that affirmation is verbal so that's why in our relationships take the time to verbally encourage the people in your life maybe one day just take your phone and go through your text messages and just look at all the people and take a moment and just speak a word of affirmation and encouragement over their life because everyone needs it tell them how much they're appreciated what you see in them that is so godly that you want to point out and expand because the areas that get affirmed are the areas that will grow and sometimes we pay so much attention to the things that are going wrong we don't highlight the good of who God is to strengthen because affirmation is so powerful so incredibly powerful right it brings us that support and that assurance so process that out and and tuning your your senses to hear the affirmation the declarative encouragement of God over your life let's look at its final word approval this powerful act of love and this one it it's sometimes tricky for people but I want to explain it the approval is the experience of receiving an official and favorable view by someone whose opinion and perspective has great meaning in your life now for everybody you long for the approval of your earthly father I don't care what you say or what you think you long for the approval of your dad and you also long for the approval of your mom and many of much of our brokenness stems out of you didn't get it you didn't get that approval from them so you took on a certain trait or activity or way of living that spawned a whole lifestyle it simply goes back to you didn't get that approval you someone in authority that's why I said you get an official and favorable view by someone whose opinion and perspective means a lot to you and you didn't get it until now we're these empty buckets and it goes back to your need to hear you know what it's like the modern statement we use is I'm proud of you now when Jesus was baptized the father says this is my beloved Son in whom I'm well pleased it has a stamp of approval I'm proud of you I'm pleased with you and it's interesting because Jesus did not begin his ministry yet in fact the baptism was his beginning of his earthly ministry up until that point all we know of was that he worked as a carpenter he you know had relationships of people in town we don't know a ton we knew he grew a wisdom and stature and favor we knew he was in the temple as a kid but the ministry officially began at the moment the father gives love identity and approval Wow and he hadn't done the miracles yet you would think according to our lifestyle we'll wait until he dies on the cross and then the father goes this is my beloved Son in whom I'm well pleased you did a good job because that's how we live right you gain that that approval that momentary approval when you do a good job but we don't know how to give approval at the beginning you see in the kingdom of God you get approval from God at the start so you don't live your life with neediness trying to gain the approval of everybody around you and this is what causes so many of our problems in fact sometimes the church even in our interaction with the world we want the world to like us rather than truly love them because love has a power there's a truth there there's a solidness and who you are but your fire of love is so potent but we're so wounded we're looking for approval everywhere we go the father says to Jesus mule more please I'm proud of you and many of our issues come out of you know what we didn't hear that when you hear that growing up so we lived for approval everywhere we went so I had this exercise that I felt God spoke to my heart about when I was single and I was first coming into transformative ministry I was a pastor at the time and every morning like a lot of people just be honest I'd get up and just rush out of the day and just you know I had this this bathroom and and I and I would I would I would get ready in the bathroom once I was ready I would walk down the stairs and right out the door right outside my bathroom there's a set of stairs and walk right out the door I'd be off to my day right there was something God spoke to my heart and said I wanted I want to teach you what it means to grow in my love for you and he didn't tell me I want you to spend two hours with me every day he knew he knew my attention span was all over the place I was a hot mess Oh struggling so much we started with this simple exercise where I put my hand over my heart and I'd sit at the top of those stairs said come out of the bathroom and before I rushed to the day I would just sit at the top of those steps put my hand over my heart and I would just breathe in God's love for me and this was the thought that came to my mind that I believe God used and it was this I want you to think about what it means to be loved accepted approved to just have my approval over who you are and receive that so that you don't spend the rest of your day trying to get it from everybody you're interacting with what would it look like and this led me to this question what would it look like in this day is that if I was fully loved affirmed validated accepted and approved of by God I even wrote it as a declarative statement I am loved accepted validated affirmed and approved of by God he loves me there's no pressure today I received that love and I would say that to myself in that moment and then I would put it on the tapestry of the day kind of on the canvas of what the day was gonna look like what would this day look like if I'm rested and his love for me and what it did was it assured in my ability to receive but it also showed where I had a lot of rejection issues in my life and I want to help you uproot them because here's the thing I can teach and teach all day people can't tell you your rejection issues that's the tricky thing about you have to discover it for yourself because if somebody tells you about your rejection issues it's gonna kick up a wound and anger is gonna come up you're not gonna want to hear it and you're gonna push them away and tell em you know they don't love you and all that kind of stuff you have to be open so that's why I create this resource so that you and God can begin to discover this and with humility you can recognize yeah it's not just about everybody else I've got issues I've got to work through I've got approval issues I've got affirmation issues I've got validation issues I've got acceptance issues I don't know if it means to feel safe in my own skin I don't know what it means to be loved by God but yeah I have issues that I need to overcome right so we weren't taught what that looks like we don't have references but we need to learn and maybe some of you need to take the next step in learning what it means to love yourself the way God loves you I invite you to take the journey is these books can work together to learn what it means to love yourself the way that God loves you I pray this been a blessing to your life this videos impacted you at all would you support it send a one-time donation or become a partner and that would really help us because it'll help us just to continually put out helpful material where people can experience healing and transformation in really powerful ways I'm mark - hey Suz god bless you and I'll see you in the

Channel: Mark DeJesus

Views: 5,391

Rating: 4.9536681 out of 5

Keywords: Acceptance, Validation, Affirmation, Approval, Rejection, Relationships, Loving Yourself, Identity

Id: hnUEU8I39gU

Length: 30min 57sec (1857 seconds)

Published: Fri May 31 2019