How to Break Off the Influence of Shame

[Music] [Music] so so [Music] so [Music] so [Music] [Music] hello everyone welcome to this broadcast mark dejesus here looking forward to sharing with you today on the subject of how to break through the influence of shame i hope this has been a helpful series i've been doing a number of videos on this topic and i tend to do a lot of my video content in series meaning i take a subject and i try to do a big wash over in segments and help people to experience healing and freedom in their life and journey if you're new to this channel or new to the content welcome and you can check out more materials at mark dejesus.com you can subscribe on our video channel here on youtube and i just appreciate all those of you who've supported the content and you support in various ways maybe you buy books share books you buy some of the online training courses you've become partners there is an easy way to just go to markdejesus.com go to the donate button and there's various ways that you can uh send in donations and support to the content you can even mail it in if you need need to mail in checks or whatever so we try to make all those pathways available some of what i'm going to get into today you're going to go man i need to go further there's two recommendations i'm going to give you one would be my book god loves me and i love myself i have a a chapter dedicated to shame but then i really give a a walk through of what does it look like to love yourself the way god loves you what is loving yourself not what is it i also have a lot of articles video content to support i've got training courses that support it and then also there are some great chapters in my book the heart healing journey that get into those places of self-compassion patience kindness and learning the language of love so that you can be empowered in your relationship and your walk with god and that's what i want to do i want to empower relationship connection with god we we tend to try to change first and god goes i've got everything you need so come into my arms of love my son died for you this is a gift of love there's so much paid for you but i want to do it in connection relationship and there's right smack in the middle of the heart healing journey i think it's chapters 13 14 15 or 12 13 14 15 and um they really bring out some great stuff so i want to give you that ahead of time so that if you go man this stuff is great i want to go to the next level and those are some things that you can do and apply today i'm going to get into okay the how-to i've spent a lot of time bringing out the language of fear bringing out how fear i mean shame i mean shame bringing out the language of shame which ties into fear and and how it operates i've given you content on what is the main things that shame does i'm defined shame uh there's a video on that i've given what does it do what are behaviors what are patterns what's it look like in the bible how did it first show up what are patterns it it infiltrates in our lives and relationships i gave a video about how it affects our men and really causing men to break out of shame and to rise up to be the men of god that they are called to be because shame is really causing them to hide in so many ways and not that it's not doing that in the lives of our sisters but i wanted to just speak to the heart of men you can check out all that content but today here's kind of what i'm gonna do in in some of these live videos i i move uh somewhat more into a little bit long format content meaning that um that the i take a little time and sometimes i'll do something in a certain amount of time i want to kind of get to the point get on with it but in this i want you to see this as like you and i are sitting down and i'm just kind of giving you some thoughts to ponder i'm giving you some things that will cause you to ask some questions get you to think about your life in moving out of a shame influenced life and how you see yourself how you see god how you see others how you relate to yourself how you relate to god how you relate to others and so this might be a good video to listen to and have a little notepad have some where you can jot down some thoughts and do some exercises it may be good after the live is done go back and watch through and pause it in some segments or and not that you can't listen to it in your car or or or whatever or while you're working or doing tours around the house because i do that even with stuff that i listen to right i might uh you know be doing some yard work or things and i'm listening to something while i'm doing that but there's some activation that's here because i believe that where the rubber meets the road is the activation that i'm going to share with you that if you say you know what i really want to break free from shame mark i'm seeing your videos i'm seeing what shame is starting to look like i'm seeing how it infiltrates now what do i do what does it look like to to walk free what does it look like to experience that freedom more what am i moving towards what does it look like okay so i'm going to give you some application for that that you can begin putting into motion so that you don't feel stuck that you feel like you have some things that you're putting into action in the life of your heart okay so let's get right into this now the first thing i'm going to say up front is people say well why why are you even bringing this up because the first thought i want to give to you is that in order to break free from the influence of shame in our life we're going to have to make a decision we're going to have to decide do you have to decide if you really really want to experience greater heart healing and freedom why is this so important because when you approach the subject of shame you have to become more aware of things that you tend to shove down dismiss stuff you don't deal with shame is very infectious it's very toxic but it hides it's very good at hiding so most people say from the jump i don't have shame and it's self-deceiving we all have it infect certain areas of our life i don't care who you are where you are where you come from in fact if you feel you have no shame it's often because you're so tied to your presentation that you feel is flawless to your world around you and that is actually up as a result of shame it's your way to present yourself because you don't want people to see the vulnerable you right why do i say you need to decide if you want greater heart healing and freedom it's because in order to break free from shame we have to be willing to do the real dive from here to here if not you're going to be content with shallow living and you live in a world that is content with living in the shallow end and i'm not just talking about i'm not just talking about um the world meaning the world that doesn't believe in god i got to fix my volume here is my volume peaking too much i see it lining there and adjust that a little bit see if that helps does that help is the volume okay if the volume if i have to adjust the volume here sometimes i got to just make little tweaks is it is the volume all right anyways when i'm talking about people who want the shallow end i'm not just talking about totally unbelieving people that don't believe in god don't believe in christ that's not that's that's not what i'm referring to i'm talking about actually in the church world in our culture of the body of christ are a mass of people that are content with the shallow end someone's saying louder how's the how's the how's the volume now are we all right are we all right or can i bring it up is that good is it good is that good how's the volume going all right i'm going to assume that everything's all right look around look around at those you you fellowship with those you hang out with are they really wanting to go deeper now i wanna i wanna clarify something going deeper does not mean complicated okay many of us when we think of going deeper we think complicated complex right go into the deeper things we're going to go deeper right so things are so complicated that the more you talk about it like you're lost nope that's not what deeper is the deeper you go with god the the simpler things actually become you become more passionate about the fundamentals you you become more passionate about the simplicity of living by the fruit of the spirit you become passionate about what it means to just live in the grace of god to forgive to live in love to love your neighbor as yourself to walk in the simplicity of peace right so when i say you really want healing and freedom you have to be willing to go deeper but you'll have to go through the barrier and the dimension of shame which clouds your life because you're going to need to see yourself with greater lens of how god sees you and so this is one of the most powerful things in my journey in my life because i was confronted with chronic anxiety panic attacks obsessive uh compulsive patterns depression um just to name those are just to start and so my first step in the journey was god help me get rid of these terrible battles of my mind that was good to take this away that that's the first step right and that shows shallow christianity god take it away god take it away and and so when that doesn't work it's a call to go deeper because what god's wanting to do is bring us deeper to deal with the root system in our lives deal with our hearts and he wants to do a renovation and so one of the greatest decisions i made was i looked at my battles and i said okay god do the renovation i humble myself whatever needs to happen whatever i need to learn wherever i need to go with this whatever i need to learn experience go through i let it happen i submit myself to you in the process and it was one of the greatest assets in my journey that i utilize to this day in anything i'm currently battling or learning to overcome or learning to face in my life i take that posture do the renovation do the renovation i'm tired of the patchwork i don't need to do that i'm tired of just do you know make me feel comfortable you know because if you approach the subject of shame and you just want to get rid of your yucky feelings then you're missing the point you're missing the whole point of this now getting free from shame is relieving burdens off your shoulders pressure's off it's it's um i think john eldridge i heard him use the statement the relief of holiness it's like you realize in the holiness of god that he sees you in his grace and love and there's actually so many things that you don't have to carry anymore and breaking free from shame that's part of what happens right but that's the the main goal is not just just to feel better the main goal is he's healing you maturing you walking with you raising you up as sons and daughters god's primary goal is to raise you up as his son as his daughter now if you don't know that he loves you as a father and you don't have a connection to that then how are you going to know who you are as a son and daughter and then so you'll approach god and just rescue me get me out of this you hit the easy button you know many christians just go just rapture me god jesus come back just you know and god's going no it's not about that it's about you actually finding who i am in a deeper way in a more meaningful way in your heart through the stuff you're going through now i'm going to tell you this those in christianity are very content with the shallow end of life i'm telling you i'm telling you the things that we're producing the things that you know the way we're talking about issues it's making people content with the shallow end it's not allowing us to face the real issues of our life what's going on in our thoughts and emotions what's going on in our relationships what's going on in our marriages what's going on with our children what's going on with people that we're connected to in real life battles it's more about the programs the quick things the the nice little scriptures and oh i did my little devotions today did you really connect to anything oh yeah yeah it was great great i got i got a little hit did you really connect to what's really going on in your heart yeah and it's just shallow um and i'm i'm saying this to say when you make the decision to go god i really want to live healed i will i really want to live free and i invite you to do whatever needs to be done so i take the journey in my life and let you do the renovation the reason i'm telling you all this is because when you take the jump not everybody's going to go with you you think they would right when i started experiencing some layers of freedom and anxiety just just that alone i thought oh my wouldn't everybody who's struggling with anxiety want it and then when i began to share and talk i realized that people actually didn't want it it's kind of strange right because the call of freedom is actually to a deeper level to face things that we ignore and i realized oh people just want to feel better they don't necessarily want inside out depth of transformation in their life they just want their anxiety symptoms relieved so whatever that means just relieve those symptoms i don't want to deal with anything just relieve my depression symptoms just fix this marriage problem just fix this addiction it's like whoa whoa whoa whoa all those problems are connected to areas of the heart that god needs to be present in shame keeps it pushed away so right up front this decision here is the game changer because everything else i'm going to share from this point on in today's talk is going to fall into place you'll you'll connect out of this decision and out of this place in your heart and your journey but something i can't decide for you it's something that other people can't decide for you so place a decision now i want to experience greater healing greater freedom in my life i want more areas of my heart to be free free from the shackles of chains and bondage free from the rigidity of the things that get boxed in that don't allow me to really be the son or the daughter that i am in christ so then now let's begin the journey together okay we're sitting at the table you and i and we're having a cup of coffee we're having a cup of tea or whatever is um something that you'd like to sit down and have a drink of while we're while we're sharing together and i want to ask you some questions because the the next thought i want to give you is learn to ex i'm sorry let me go back a slide allow your heart to become aware of how shame influences you okay so this is going to need to be an awareness and all the videos that i put together are to help you gain awareness i want to help you gain recognition because the first stage is the decision i want to be healed and free whatever it takes okay jesus asked the guy at the pool bethesda do you want to be healed so now with that decision yes now some there's some awareness that i i serve out of shame so for example i had to become aware in my healing journey of being free from perfectionism because that's been a big part of my journey in layers more and more god setting me free from perfectionistic bondage and sometimes it shows me this sometimes shows me that one of the areas was realizing perfectionism comes out of shame got to do things just right make things just right make sure you always do the right thing out of a self protection you never want to be seen as flawed and weak and i had to confront that that it was based out of brokenness that was surrounded with shame and the shame says you better keep your life just right make sure you do the right thing and doing the right thing is it's great but not when it's tormented not when it's a tormenting pressure so that took awareness though i had to become aware that i do that out of shame we live in performance out of shame we put up a front out of shame we play a role out of shame we make things look good out of shame we live in the shallow end out of shame because the deep end is too much to bear we don't want to face things we don't want to make decisions we don't want to deal with stuff we don't want to deal with anything and many families live that way we don't want to deal with this out of sight out of mind how to say out of mind is not a scriptural principle you know so many family structures out of shame shove every sin and struggle and bondage into it's like they're running out of room the closets and and and rugs and underneath couches they're shoving all these areas we think no one knows and no one sees and we live this we live this lie and so that's why the question the first part got to decide because once you decide then you start asking some real questions so i don't have these in slides but there's just some questions i want to navigate with you again we're sitting down and i'm sharing with you like like i was mentoring you there's some things i think about that i want that one encourage you to think about so how does shame influence you how does it influence your life now here's some further questions where do you find yourself hiding i'm not even gonna i'm not even gonna try to define that for you or or even give you like teasers to to help you like when that word comes up hiding what comes up for you here's another question are you able to face your struggles whatever you're struggling with are you able to see them with compassion because that's the turning point from shame into grace and overcoming and victory is inviting and allowing the compassion of god to get into your vision and how you see so so some other questions you can ask have to do with your history so growing up what were you not able to feel emotionally what were some emotions that if you felt them and expressed them or shared that you were struggling with them you got negative feedback many would say as emotions weren't ever talked about in home growing up right so you kind of hide everything or if you're having a bad day some people were raised where anytime kid was having a bad day you know dad was like hey what's going on with you you know you know and kind of like evaluating the performance and like get you back in line versus hey what's going on you know let's talk about it it's all right you're still loved all that you know that that non-shame kind of approach so what pressures have you had in life that drove you to do certain things to feel loved because you had to earn it right or you could ask yourself the question what was considered shameful growing up where a great sense of disdain came in where instead of see this is the thing that many times families don't realize sin needs to be brought into the light into the light of love because in the in the atmosphere of love is where god shows up and sin can be overcome eradicated destroyed we are trained to do the opposite hide and try to figure it out on your own and then it just gets worse and worse and god's like bringing into the light you're loved doesn't change my love for you at all and because you brought it into the light god is not like oh i didn't know that i didn't know you struggled with that he knows all he sees all right when was that time where you shared something that you were struggling with and you came under the mindset of don't ever share that ever again what behaviors you know did you hide your dating relationships growing up did you hide certain patterns right because you couldn't talk about um you know the boy that you liked or you couldn't talk about the girl that you that that you liked and you know so you hid those dating relationships growing up you know whatever situation you find yourself in right where were you not able to to be honest with relationships with yourself in love and in grace where did you get into like blaming or you blame god blame yourself blame others here's a here's a question to really become aware where do you look at yourself and engage your thoughts with shameful self-talk where do you in your life look at yourself and you hit that self-hating self-rejecting critical harsh self-talk where does that and sometimes we need to be aware sometimes we need to pause and just look because even studies show that like 80 or something like that of i don't know how they measure this i don't even know how they they develop a system to to put down metrics for this but eighty percent of thoughts patterns of the average person are negative the way that i say it is if if i was to jump into most people's thoughts i'd have to call family child protective services because you abuse yourself all day long critical cynical harsh heavy-handed many of you ocd people you've been tuning into my content on ocd and that's one of the biggest problems that comes against you is the harsh interpreter you're going through something the interpreter comes in and hits you hard hard with the meaning and interpretation you're so sinful hockey can't get you call yourself a christian i'm not even chris i don't pray enough i don't do enough i just i'm lazy i'm all day long so no wonder we're tired no wonder we're exhausted because we got an abusive friend sitting right here on our shoulder talking all day long you know how tired you you are if you're in a place of just listening to someone tear you down all day long but see you don't realize it because it sounds like your own voice and you don't realize it because it's not necessarily a talking when we talk about self-talk it's more of a feeling that's driven by perceptions that just drive and so when we get shame free we bring those beliefs to the surface of how we see ourself we begin to hand over those those abusive thought processes and we invite kindness into that so this it's going to lead me into this now so there's some those are some questions you can begin to utilize to marinate on okay but the other thing i want to encourage is is at the heart of where the shift in change happens we're not gonna try to fix all your issues that's not the goal the goal is to learn to experience what i call tula t-u-l-a total unconditional loving acceptance total unconditional loving acceptance t-u-l-a and this is a statement i encourage people to say every day as much as it as much as they can and connect to it from their heart in fact i encourage people to take your hand and put it over your heart because what am i wanting to do i'm wanting to teach you and mentor you to have a better relationship with yourself i tell this to people all the time i remember looking at myself in the mirror and saying mark me and you do not have a good relationship me and you are not having a good relationship and i looked at myself in the eyes and if you were to watch this you'd think i was crazy that's fine i said we don't have a good relationship but we're gonna it starts today and i'm gonna start by learning to be kind to you and see when when i encourage people to practice total unconditional loving acceptance it invites love to the point that and and christians get fussy with this right because we see we could see total unconditional loving acceptance as if i really accept myself where i'm at it means nothing will change right we don't know the power of love we know the power of what love can do the father's love the love that is found in jesus christ the greatest paul says is love it's the greatest he didn't say that just because it sounded nice it is the power of love that invites you into the glorious life-changing power of jesus christ who's leading you to the father right now as a work of the holy spirit it's amazing it's powerful but you've lived your life trying to change trying to change trying to change and you keep skipping past love skipping past love skipping past love because you'll feel loved once you change enough and that is not what love does love accepts you right now god commended his love toward us in while we were sinners christ died for us while you are sinners now when you accepted christ did that change now all of a sudden because it looks like it did the way we teach and the way we act oh god loves you as you are we come in there it's like nah i gotta get all this this weight and yoke and love doesn't compromise sin love creates the environment by which sin can be set free in your life i'm getting myself encouraged but when we experience loving acceptance listen to me when we experience loving acceptance we see situations the way we need to see them we see our lives where we are the way we need to see them because what shame does is shame puts a lens over it puts a filter over it you know for fun i love uh doing video editing and i every year i make family videos as a christmas gift to my family i share that story and and and um it's there's a long history of that and why i did that and it's now become a tradition and every year i take all the pictures and videos that we've taken of our trips and things we've done and i compile it into a family video and i show it right and when you're in video editing software you can add filters and the what the filter does is it takes everything and puts it under a certain look and so this happens all the time when you're watching movies if you notice you watch a movie the the look of it has a certain cinematic look they have directors of photography that their primary job is to manage watch over and set what the overall look of the movie's gonna look like so certain colors are gonna always look a certain way certain lighting is gonna stay that kind of lighting and if so if you notice that you watch one movie and then flip over to another one the lighting stays consistent the coloring stays consistent all throughout the enemy knows this so if he puts a shame filter on your life you will see everything through it oops almost spilled my drink you'll see everything through it that's why a lot of things that i teach i'm i'm i'm encouraging the healing of your filter you know when i do teaching on rejection mindset it's a filter it's a set of glasses it's the way you see and and it same thing with shame when you see things through shame it'll affect everything once you get awakened how do you get awakened you see it you see how it's working and operating you're open the eyes of your understanding get open as paul said in ephesians he said i pray that the eyes of your understanding be enlightened you have an awakening you wake up spiritually right he's talking to believers he said that you that you'd see right you'd see who you are you see what's going on you see the battle you see the victory that's in you you see what's available but we gotta start with engaging the power of love so practically speaking you know engaging total unconditional acceptance i i encourage people sit down and just say to yourself i 100 totally and unconditionally lovingly accept myself right where i'm at right where i'm at i'm loved right now i'm loved and and it starts to take the pressure off and i encourage a practice because it's not a light switch but let's take it deeper because sometimes in my coaching work i i say it like this and at first i experimented with it and i saw that it it helped people to understand i said take everything you're battling right that you just shared with me and let's pretend this same battle is in somebody that you love dearly maybe your wife or your or your son or your daughter and they come to you or your best friend and they come to you and they share this battle what would you say to them and many times what you hear come out is words of compassion patience understanding a a story of words comes out that's tender encouraging talking about love not just like hey everything will get better the sun come out tomorrow you know don't cry dry your eye not that quick cliche but words and i start to tap into their heart and they start going yeah i tell them that you know it's understandable where you're at and it's not just about something being wrong with you it's you're going through some stuff and you need encouragement and so i go stop why don't you say all of that right now to yourself you see because we don't do that in our own thoughts we don't do that in our own life so many times you have to intentionally engage this and share it and say it to yourself i'm a big encourager of you learning to talk to yourself because you're already doing it in thoughts emotions all day long and some of you can't even turn it off right so insert into the world of your self-talk and thoughts against yourself and insert a new narrative of love insert a new narrative of absolute kindness i'm going to start interpreting everything i'm going through through kindness because shame loses its hold when you bring the stuff to the surface like hey there it is but i'm going to interpret this through kindness because even our ability to repent and turn from areas and break free from bondage and shackles is out of the kindness and goodness of god the bible says that leads us to the turn it leads us to repentance so total unconditional loving acceptance now in this process what's been so helpful for me is gaining a new vision of how you see yourself gaining a new vision of how you see yourself i want you to start doing some exercises of who are you who are you you document it write it down who are you because for most people what shame has done is it has made them one with their battles it's made them one with their sins you may have sinned struggles but you are not sin you may have battles but your identity is not your battles and some of you need an identity reconstruction to see who you really are because all you see yourself is through the lens of your sins through the lens of your struggles through the lens of your battles so when you see yourself all you see is the junk and god needs to begin to do a makeover to shift that to see who you really are in christ jesus so that you realize that stuff may be working to me but that's not me this is a powerful revelation that paul made and i shared with that in some of my some of my past exhortations but it's it's worth looking at because in romans 7 paul makes that transition he's moving romans 7 to 8 is a beautiful journey and i thank god for paul's honesty here i mean he's saying some really intense stuff in romans he says for what i'm doing i do not understand for what i will to do that i practice but what i hate that i do any of you any of you relate to that right and he says it's no longer i who do it but sin that dwells in me oh he's recognizing there's something at work in him right that's a whole subject in itself of the kingdom of darkness that's at war within you this is the work of sin and satan's kingdom right and he says for the good that i do i'm not doing it he said he repeats himself so i like to pay attention when people repeat themselves right if i if i if i'm in this pattern it's no longer i who does it but sin that dwells within me this began a major work in my healing journey because i would see all these thoughts all these battles all these things coming against me and i would accuse myself because i would look at those things and go oh this must be me i've seen a lot of people with significant battles and they go well this must be just the way that i am and that's that's the world we live in today we're so beat down with the battles we face so unloved so lost in our identity that our sins our struggles our battles become our identity and paul says no man i got two things going on within me i gotta i got in my mind i have a will that wants to do good that wants to do what's right that's the heart of a believer you want to do what's right you don't want to do what is not right you don't want to live in sin you don't want to live in all the junk and garbage that you face in your life you're delighting god but he's like i see another mindset i see another law work it here it's warring against me right oh wretched man that i am who will deliver me now what's interesting is paul is writing this tension and he doesn't like give you three steps to solve it he says he basically thanks god through jesus christ so he's thanking the father through jesus christ right and what does he move into this separation out led him into romans 8 1. because i see this because before he was like this if this hand is sin and this hand is paul this is how he saw himself so you can't even see you're the real you because all you see is your battles romans 7 did this he's like ah this is who i am and this is that junk this is not me this is not who i am therefore there's no condemnation it led him into stop condemning and shaming himself and romans 8 moves us into the solution what's the solution romans 8 is all about the love of god who we are as sons and the grace of god that empowers it and paul goes deeper and deeper to the point that he ends romans 8 not that he had chapters back then we put chapters and verses in but at the end of romans 8 therefore you know he gets into nothing shall separate me i am convinced because of the building up of sonship and the freedom from condemnation nothing's going to separate me from the love of god now if paul had to be convinced so to you and i we are god on a journey will you be separated from his love will the enemy separate you will height depth breath will any principality power ruler will anything separate you from the love of god paul said i am persuaded i am convinced that means he had to go through a journey in himself in his belief system to connect nothing shall separate me from the love of god because that's the battleground a battleground is you being separated from his love and the enemy knows he can point out one thing after another to separate you look at this put his finger on it separate you and then we get into penance and oh god please forgive me nothing wrong with asking for forgiveness because it's available but we get in these perpetual cycles that never bring freedom you all know what i'm talking about they never bring freedom you're constantly why because the enemy has embedded a sense of separation that you got to fix so the the shame is begun on a lie that you're separated from god and sometimes preachers do that and they and they and they they they can enhance that feeling of separation to believers to believers and i'm having believers who've been in the faith writing out of torment because they feel separated from god their eternities in hell they're not saved and because they look at their battles and the battles have brought in a sense of separation and and let's be honest if separate being separated from god infiltrates your belief system that brings a lot of fear the thought of being separated from god it brings torment to people why because that's the last thing they would ever want but it's the greatest lie jesus said i'll never leave you for sake i will not cast you out i will not reject you but this is the lie that shame wants to perpetuate now you may have sinned in your life we all have issues and struggles you know we rename things sin issues battles struggles strongholds bondage right it's all right we're trying to figure out our way out so i'll jump in with you use all that language whatever it is you may have that going on in your life that's not who you are and your journey of freedom isn't in trying to do better following a list of rules your journey is first learning to be loved and to see in that love what he already paid for for you and learning who you are in that identity i think that in all christian work our focus should be when we bring people into the kingdom love of the father what jesus paid for and who you are identity fathering grace identity fathering grace identity that revelation in romans 8 awakened revival in my life i had a personal revival reading romans 7 and 8. the love of the father the grace of our lord jesus christ your identity as sons and daughters to snatch the church out of the perpetual slavery that we live in and we encourage people in the body of christ to live in and we keep them there and and and i i could go in and through romans 8 and what you the more you see paul writing the more you see him gaining more victory maybe more victory to the point that he can say things like look at this statement this is a this is a loved son of god this is a love child of god i consider the sufferings of this present time they're not even they're not even comparable to the glory which will be revealed in us look at this verse 22 i'm just i'm skipping around here for the sake of time all of creation groans and labors with birth pangs until now not only that we ourselves we have the first fruits of the spirit we've grown within ourselves what is this aching early awakening eagerly awakening for the adoption the redemption of our body what's the adoption it's god bringing us in as sons and daughters right and where is that what are they what's creation aching about what's the groaning within you what's the holy spirit and all this that's going on eagerly awaits for the revealing of drumroll eagerly wait for the manifestation of what good christians you know people who obeyed their rules revealing the sons that's who you are that's who you really are my journey of healing and freedom is learning to be loved living in the power of his grace learning who i am are you catching this i'm pointing over here the verse is actually there gain a new vision how you see yourself so part of that is going to be moving from a punishment performance-based relationship to a love and grace relationship with god many of you are performers like me if you're anything like me you performed and you didn't even realize you performed until it was brought to your attention and that performance-driven christianity it's repackaged law just in a nice flashier way that makes you you know look good because you're an achiever and you do things and you obey the rules you do all kinds of stuff but you have a punishment-based relationship with god and your battles reveal and shame reveals the root system so check this out right here first john thank you john for your for your obedience and and your writing here because this has saved my life love has been perfected among us in this that we may have boldness in the day of judgment so christians are afraid of judgment they're afraid of god judging them they're afraid of the day of judgment they're afraid and and and john actually gives the remedy do you want to be you want to be bold on that day whatever that looks like or times of judgment whatever you want to be bold it's not through performing it's love that's when you know love has had its work is you're no longer scared of punishment oh well you get this will you get this i hope you get this in your heart because as he is so are we in this world that leads a whole other tangent but where i want to get to is right here there is no fear in love for perfect love casts out fear this is my foundational precept for all mental health battles oh no matter what you think the reason is you have it or what's there or what is this is the foundation of rebuilding and working through the mental health battles the emotional health battles struggles right here is working through any er now fear people this is where people even have a hard time with this i don't have fear wait you just told me you have anxiety yeah but i don't have fear anxiety is under the umbrella of fear it's the language of fear it's another word for fear just in a certain way worry is a is a word of fear these words we use i'm just really concerned i'm just i'm obsessed with i'm i can't stop thinking i'm ruminating all this stuff is the language of fear and why is fear present not because you you're not good enough in your faith john doesn't say that here or you don't you know you don't do enough spiritual disciplines you don't pray enough he says love's the problem what you need is love and it causes you to have a different posture because you can't perform for love you got to receive it it's there and that's the posture i begin shifting in people break out of shame you got to learn to receive because shame blocks you from receiving it disqualifies you oh a thing in your past this person can't love you because of because we see ourselves through our sins we see ourselves through our past sins and here's what's tricky we see other people through that too we don't know how to put people's lives in perspective because we shame ourselves we shame other people and he says because fear involves torment right i'm reading out the new king james now if i pull this up i believe yeah it shows up on the screen so i just tap on that this is a great way to study the scriptures i have a new king james but it's also tied to the strong's concordance which allows you to look at the original words so i click on dorman right and part of the definition is it means torment but what's another word that this means punishment a penalty infliction right so when you're in fear you have a punishment based relationship with god just think about that so it causes you to avoid god rather than going to him and the punishment gave the shame gains its power through a twisted and distorted religious condemning picture of the holiness of god how many of you raised your hand were taught the holiness of god apart from love it will scare hell into you like nothing else this massive glory of perfection that cannot ever be attained by us boy i never want to come near that never want to go near that anywhere near it because we were not taught the love of the father it wasn't demonstrated and we told you jesus he loves you just enough to tolerate you come on in you sinful being you sinful slacker get it together right there is no fear in love so how do i learn to be loved well if i'm feeling fear that's not god his perfect love and when we think of perfect we mean like we think of like perfectionism you know but look at what the word perfect means brought to its end finish wanting nothing necessary to completeness it doesn't mean perfect that which is perfect of but look at this last one right here of men full grown adult of full age mature didn't that help you understand the depth of this word is that perfect you know many times we get hung up on scriptures like be perfect as god is perfect but sometimes we don't look at the word and go let me look at it we kind of go to our you know then i gotta i gotta live perfect and people go what's perfect love and then even in love they get into performance my love has to be just right for god know what god's love is gonna do it's gonna mature you a good parent that loves their child helps them do what mature and grow it's a good thing it's an adventure it's not this damning pressure it's not this condemning thing that weighs on you perfect love will do what when you know that love is arriving it casts out that fear you struggle with anxiety the last thing you need is someone yelling at you that you don't have enough faith what you need is love you got ocd issues what you need is you need the love that's gonna drown out the fear the anxiety the thought patterns it's the love so you tune yourself to love he and he gives the antidote right here here's the mental health antidote hidden in the scriptures and why is anybody teaching this why are we teaching this from the pulpits hey we're going to talk about anxiety today i need a prescription yep it's right here been there for thousands of years he who fears has not been made perfect in love okay i gotta learn love i gotta learn love okay god i love you i love you i love you that's that's what i was taught i didn't read the next verse you see it right there on your screen how do i love god people say how do i love god how do i love god okay do all these things do all the things man john had the treasure chest no wonder he you know it's called a disciple whom jesus loved you know laying his head on on his shoulder on his on his on his chest right that closeness that he had he got it man and i see that with like a like a good jealousy like ah the connection he's got here to understanding this i want to learn you love him because he first loved you so you have to learn to receive right now where you are be loved struggling with lust addictions ocd depression look at the depression and go i am loved right now i see you i see you depression you see shame won't even get people to admit they have depression going on in their life i'll let you think about that because it's shameful to have depression why you christian having depression i'm sometimes surprised if people are christians and they've never had depression don't take me seriously on that statement i'm just you know what i'm saying because life is tough it's hard there's losses there's disappointments there's battles there's stuff that we face this is difficult this is not easy jesus never said like you're not gonna have trouble he said the opposite you're gonna have trouble i learned to be loved you're in the midst of your addictions right now your pornography addiction i'm loved i see you pornography addiction i'm loved because love is actually the antidote to all addictions all addictions all addictions because love is not a dopamine rush love is not a fix love is not a rush love grounds you and when you're addicted to something you're looking for a rush to alleviate your pain and what your pain needs is love perfect love which does what like the scripture says that word perfect brings strength and maturity to your inner man that's what love does love grows you mentors you fulfills you satisfies you i love the word grounded i don't know where that became a part of my vocabulary but it's a great picture of it it's like stability i know where it came from it comes from the when the bible calls us trees of righteousness the planting of the lord or in psalm 1 you shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water that brings forth fruit in its seasons and its leaves don't wither why because the roots are deep but they also have connection to the nutrients of water what's the water it's the water of life it's the word of god it's his ways washing over us right but the word of god works through his love for you you gotta learn how to be loved and then john goes into other some other stuff you can study this on your own all right with this love mindset if you say you love god and hate your brother you're a liar okay so because why because it's important that we navigate love in our relationships god is concerned about your relationships so i gotta move from a punishment-based relationship with god fear-based relationship with god anxiety-based relationship with god law-based relationship with god and so in that you know one of the words that came out in my journey and breaking free from shame more and more is the word mercy so really good word mercy what does mercy mean think about us for a second you can go look it up and search yourself but read the word mercy where it shows up in the bible i don't have time to do that some other day god's compassion on you in your suffering and struggle he has mercy and see most of us in our struggle in our suffering hate inner critic judgment hits us so no wonder you're angry frustrated depressed and stuck his mercy his compassion in us and our struggle you getting this you get this because even if you're not i am i'm getting good stuff out of this so now breaking free we're going to move into some some more active things that we're going to engage i need to actively receive the forgiveness of god and forgive myself i gotta receive the forgiveness of god forgive myself why is forgiving yourself important because forgiving yourself is an acknowledgement of what god's given to you and so i find that there's one thing to thank you god for your forgiveness and cleansing and sometimes i have to go yeah i forg because we we could say yes to the forgiveness but still kind of hold it against ourselves right it's this interesting dynamic of bondage to look at that situation look at that issue and go i'm going to intentionally allow myself to be forgiven here's another thought i want to encourage you in i want you to see every part of your life even your weaknesses with compassion because you know what shame does shame is like man get that stuff out of my life don't let and by the way don't let anybody see it because that's embarrassing that battle is embarrassing that battle over here you know that battle over there caused you to hide and so you know what shame teaches me show my strengths right social media share your strengths and even if you're showing your weaknesses show it in this cool way that makes you look cool don't let people see the flaws because if they see the flaws you won't be loved and your identity will be seen in a way that you look down upon unworthy of love looked at with disdain so i had to learn to begin to realize god uses all of my journey for his glory he uses everything all things now i i will tell you honestly i believed he used the big victories i'm going to use that that good moment when i was strong and he's really teaching me at a new level what he was saying to paul when he said that grace is going to be shown in your your weak areas i'm going to show you a whole another facet of growth when you're struggling stumbling i mean i've had great victories in mental and emotional health i still got battles and struggles i'm working through i still got areas i'm learning in the process i'm not i'm not in some place i've arrived so i get to share with you my victories but i also can take peace that i'm still in process knowing that do you know when god's i find he's often used me the most powerfully when i didn't even feel like i was at my best just a hot mess but i showed up maybe just struggling drowning in thoughts and discouragement whatever because i've learned god uses he's going to use everything because i looked at my weaknesses with disdain i hated them and hated myself in them where man i just wasn't on point or struggled with my emotions or just felt panic attacks or just felt worried and or just was obsessed and couldn't seem to shake out of it or just got so discouraged and or my i evaluate my performance or whatever and i've learned to appreciate and welcome and embrace all of what's going on in my life with love with compassion knowing god's going to redeem it what does that mean buy it back he's going to take it and he's going to utilize it god says some of you you have such terrible struggles in mental health areas right who could think god could use you to bless others and use your journey but we're still sucking shame we go oh when i get better when i get better that's a shame response when i get things together then i'm going to start i'm going to start instead be a blessing with what you've with what you've gained and applied today that one thing maybe you're in depression and you know you go all right well i'm gonna look at myself with love and kindness what can i do okay i can clean my room i could call that one friend that's about all i can do today you step you took that one step and god uses it no he does he doesn't use it i could barely get through the day this is what he's talking about when he says my strength is going to show up in your weakness this is this is ultimate like heavyweight champion knocking out shame that he will work in all things in your life even the struggle in fact he works right in the midst that he didn't leave because you got a struggle this is a mentality that's helped me get free from shame is in the kingdom of god there's no failure only learning so if i say to you where are your failures in life write them out list them out i had a failed marriage i had a failed parenting failed in my parenting i failed in my business failed in ministry failed in this write that sentence out and cross it out and go nope learning all experiences are just learning experiences because we learn in the doing we learn in the process we don't just learn everything and get it right shane wants to keep that perfectionistic pressure and keep disqualifying you and so where can you begin to start coming into agreement with learning a couple more statements i want to give you and then i'm going to land this plane because when i break free from shame i face the fear that keeps me hiding i confront the mass that i wear i make a decision to become more vulnerable when i say vulnerability i don't mean like you get on facebook or social media and just start you know posting stuff it's about real interactions with actually sitting down with those that are close to you and beginning to start getting real getting more honest getting more vulnerable so we can start having real interactions with each other and allow the masks to be taken off because the fear keeps the masks up said in that i'm gonna come into the light of the love of god we walk in the light as he is in the light we have fellowship with one another and the blood of jesus christ cleanses us from all sin there's freedom there freedom's in his life i don't have to hide i don't have to hide from you i don't have to hide from myself and and for many of you breaking free from shame is going to allow you to face yourself you haven't been able to face yourself shame keeps you from looking at yourself in the mirror and just starting to have some conversations when you break free from shame you're able to face yourself in the light of love you're able to face your life okay here's where i'm at here's the decisions i made here's the choices i made here's where i'm at and there is no shame there is no condemnation now what god you love me right now you not cast me out you're not far away you're here you're near and i can face myself now because i'm loved man it's tough to face ourselves when shame's there that's why we stay so busy and so fabricated because it's tough but it's what he wants he don't want you to be afraid of yourself you'll need to make a decision to let god love you intentionally go i receive that love i love myself with the love that you have for me father i say yes to your love i say yes to the love that you have for me to stop fighting it and i'm going to just allow it even though it's going to take me some time i'm going to learn to be loved and folks when those opportunities happen don't push it back let people love you when someone genuinely compliments you stop saying it wasn't me it was the lord stop deflecting it stop looking down looking at your shoes looking away looking at the eyes and say thank you i appreciate that don't start babbling and because you feel unworthy just say thank you let god use people to bless you because it'll happen by surprise it's going to happen in moments you didn't expect it's going to happen in ways when you're open let people love you but i think that for for me what i'm calling people to do is to be a person who doesn't shame others i'm reminded of the prophet that said do justly love mercy walk humbly with your god that i want to be a person who loves mercy have an affection for it have an affection to have compassion for people in their struggle in their suffering now out of my own life i'm going to see myself through freedom and i'm going to have compassion so that i can i can understand there's brokenness that fuels all the stuff that people are doing and jesus said this statement he said father forgive them for they know not what they're doing and it gave a different lens and a different perspective to the battles that they had in their life and that's what i want it's easy to see people according to their sins it's easy to see the symptomatic things they do that that could bug you it takes more work because see grace is beautiful but it actually takes more relational investment takes more work to see somebody through grace doesn't it because it's more heart it's easy to just quickly judge somebody write them off it's a whole different matter to realize yeah there's stuff behind all these behaviors that god needs to heal and jesus looked at these soldiers that were crucifying him and said father forgive them they don't know what they're doing he wasn't saying they don't know what they're doing and crucifying people no they were experts these guys were expert executioners she's not saying forgive them because they don't know what they're doing they're you know he's saying they don't know the source behind their thoughts they're deceived and this is a way that we can have compassion in our world and be forgiving and live more shame free because many who live they don't know the source of thoughts that they are under the influence of and jesus saying these guys don't know what they're doing they don't know the thoughts that they have that are motivating them to do what they're doing they're deceived and they don't even realize they're deceived so he was able to see them through the lens of grace see them through the lens of a shame-free perspective so father i just want to thank you for this time and thank you for the series thank you for what has been able to be shared i pray that everyone who watches this and takes part in this will be encouraged be experience more freedom in their life in their journey may the love of the father the grace of our lord jesus christ the comfort and nurture of the holy spirit break us free from shame so we can live free we can live healed we can live transformed because we connected with who you are so i thank you so much for that father in jesus name amen this has been a blessing to your life take a moment a quick moment go to markdaisus.com click on the donate button help help us out help support this we're passionate about it we want to help take you to the next level again two resources that could be a great help god loves me and i love myself as well as the heart healing journey and i look forward to seeing you all in future episodes and i'm just excited to be a voice of grace and love in your life be at peace and be loved

Channel: Mark DeJesus

Views: 2,994

Rating: 4.9720278 out of 5

Keywords: Shame, Heart Healing, Freedom from Shame

Id: naw-KKYfEdk

Length: 72min 35sec (4355 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 08 2021