TUMBLR POSTS V306

till there are only around 120 anonymous magellan restaurant inspectors in the world they spend three out of every four weeks on the road and must vacate a region for 10 years if they think a restaurant suspects their identity imagine thinking your spouse is a sexy secret agent for decades only to find out he's a restaurant critic for fat tire boy magazine better yet imagine a real spy getting in trouble and mistaking a restaurant critic for a fellow agent but the critic takes their job very seriously and won't reveal themselves and so gets pulled into some kind of huge dangerous conspiracy whilst continuing to take notes on the quality of every restaurant they almost get shot in next level cafe a you why am i nostalgic for my teenage years b i didn't even have fun yeah but your back didn't hurt dumbledore died at age 115 hawk rooks is made zero voldemort died at age 71. hawk rooks is made seven conclusion voldemort was the most useless magic dependent wizard that ever existed he could have lived till like 200 if he just ate well and exercised but no he had to go and split up his soul and ruin perfectly good jewelry kingdom this sounds like it was written by hermione granger at 1am he tried to use an advanced death magic spell to kill a baby he literally doesn't know how to do anything without magic just drop it out a window my dude babies are so delicate and that was wrong can i interest you in the fact that if you get promoted as a garbage man enough times in new york city you get slash have to dress like a fake general they're more deserving of the uniform than most generals heroes society couldn't function without them generals wish they did as much good for the public as trash collectors tell about the bubba key effect which is a universal inherent and non-arbitrary bias found in most adults to ascribe visual shapes to speech sounds this is a very interesting phenomenon basically people of different cultures who speak different languages were presented these shapes and asked to name them either bubba or cookie almost unanimously people named the one with sharp edges kiki and the one with round edges bubba it's a very interesting insight into how languages are formed bubba is shaped like friend [Music] me i have feelings that i don't want to talk about but i must express them somehow my journal hey i'm a private space that only you will ever see tell me what's on your mind me well now i'm embarrassed to say i hate when vampires in media have a human partner and they're like i will never drink from you i couldn't ever hurt you like that like why the heck not are you a coward what's the point of dating a vampire if they aren't ever gonna cover your neck with kisses and then bite you and drink your blood absolutely ridiculous and very unsexy scent post [Music] i just wanna say that slayers don't just slip out when they aren't part of your everyday vocabulary the worst thing i've ever had slip out at an inappropriate time was an off when i messed up in art class because i don't use violent slurs that i have no right to say just remember that the next time your friend or some youtuber yells out a racist slur when he gets beat at a video game it's not the kind of thing that comes out by accident when you never use it usually you've aged you can save this cake by adding well well you've aged people are like if you put crabs in a bucket they can't escape because they keep pulling each other back in this is called crab bucket mentality and describes why people don't help each other and never acknowledge that crabs do not naturally occur in buckets a human with more power had to put them there [Music] honestly doing errands with friends like grocery shopping or helping them find new clothes or just going anywhere for no other reason than to keep them company while they get what they need is such an underrated wholesome good experience like yes let me help you pick out cereal and put fruits in bags b i love you this post hits different in 2020 [Music] yeah you'll ever see old disney world costumes let's change that [Music] [Applause] i've been reprimanded for not including pics of the world war ii children's gas masks [Music] do you know how many bones the human body has it's 206 we start with 369 when we are babies but they fuse wouldn't you want to go back have as many bones as a baby what if i could help you hi yeah what the actual literal genuine f does this mean oh so the catholic church can commit theophagy every sunday for 2000 years and that's fine but as soon as i decide to try a little theophagy of my own everybody freaks out i see how it is wait hold on gotta look something up okay yeah this is funny the penalty box in hockey is such a funny concept to me big fighty men go in the naughty cube imprisoned for sports crimes go to the terrarium and think about your punching you knife-footed ice gremlin [Music] how long until someone runs on the platform of food stamps for ai if health care is a right is food as well yes eating is a human right you incredible loon where does it say in the constitution or any of the amendments that eating is a human right it also doesn't say you have a right to not be murdered it's a piece of paper dipsh not some holy manuscript passed down by god almighty to be the sum total of human morality also literally it says life liberty and the pursuit of happiness guess what you need for life dipsh wait there are people who think human rights are decided by what's written in the constitution the american constitution friendly reminder that when the u.n voted to declare food a human right there was exactly one country that voted no [Music] why does tumblr always personify introversion as a tiny cute girl who drinks tea reads books and wears sweaters like i'm a 190 pound man who hangs out in the gym and in the woods doing man leash but people still make me nervous like damn my hand slipped oh my god oh my god oh my god i [ __ ] love this a vampire stands on the front porch of a farmhouse and says i cannot come in unless i'm invited the vampire's friend a cowboy says come on you know you're always welcome here partner the vampire begins crying i'm really glad that just about every person who has reblogged this picked up on the gay subtext thank you like this post and i will instantly teleport to your home and gobble up your shower curtain my shower curtain is glass well cruncher team unshitty then you think that will stop me [Music] boyce protect girls call people out when they make offensive jokes stand up to those who treat girls like objects walk a girl home if she feels unsafe listen to them and be considerate of their feelings destroy that myth that women are inferior girls protect boys call people out when they make fun of a boy for showing emotion stand up to those who tell boys to man up support boys who enjoy feminine things destroy the myth that men can't be victims and that women can't be predators boys protect boys protect your brothers from violent relationships comfort your brothers when they need somebody stand up for your brothers who are educated for not wanting liking sex destroy the myth that two men can't be close without it being gay girls protect girls defense sisters who enjoy having sex stand up to those who define sisters for what they wear don't judge your sister's worth from how many boyfriends she's had destroy the myth that girls have to constantly compete with each other [Music] why do people like anyways flesh pillows squish soft soft soft soft soft crunch i replied to the wrong post i once saw someone be like being mean isn't a personality tray hun and it was so funny because like it literally is hash it's even in the sims and everything [Music] hey bro are you okay i just wanted to check in on you because i haven't seen any lightning flash ominously while a flock of crows flies overhead or heard your menacing evil laugh for the last few days and i got worried i care about you dude [Music] so i run frantically into kroger to get ketchup before my mcnuggets get cold and as i stand at the self checkout with only a jumbo bottle of heen's tomato ketchup everyone starts [ __ ] laughing at me like what the hell then i remember i'm wearing this shirt i put ketchup on my ketchup i'm so king pissed off right now in hindsight you should have checked what you were [Music] wearing [Music] [Music] you

Channel: BrainyDude

Views: 12,382

Rating: 4.9223299 out of 5

Keywords: tumblr, posts, tumblr top posts, top posts, tumblr stories, madlads, brainydude, funny tumblr stories, funny tumblr posts, tumblr posts, funny, reddit, subreddit, Tumblr top posts, reddit top posts, clumsy, comment awards, Best of reddit, top posts of all time, r/tumblr, memes, dank doodle memes, best of reddit, tumblr awards, tumblr memes, askreddit funny, askreddit, reddit stories, reddit memes, funny reddit, best memes, tumblr wumblr

Id: wJ28myphjOg

Length: 11min 12sec (672 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 24 2020