TUMBLR POSTS V302

i'm decayed my lungs are full of thorns and mildew my bones are held together by vines i'm fragile be gentle with my corpse get out of bed you're going to school whether you like it or not i refuse i love how you can tell from his entire vibe that ben shapiro is a deeply unhappy person there is nothing behind his eyes but the resignation of a man who woke up this morning to the terrible realization that he must spend another day pretending to be ben shapiro i think we as a species should go back to saying alas it's like yikes but with culture yikes poor yorick i always thought my life was a tragedy but now i realize it's a cringe compilation hamlet how dare you make my post funnier being a preteen girl is so weird i remember one time when i was 11 a friend wouldn't talk to me for a week because she was mad that the ritual we did at a slumber party to summon the jonas brothers into her dreams didn't work for her but i had a nightmare about them chasing me through a dark airport the switch from a girl worth fighting for to coming upon the decimated village in milan is the most kick and the teeth move change in all of cinema that scene shifted more for our generation's understanding of the horror of war in 10 seconds than game of thrones did in eight seasons and it did it without showing us a single dead body remember when they subtly but clearly told us a little girl had been murdered it's almost like you actually don't need to depict graphic murder rape and torture to elicit a serious and emotional response from your audience still on patrol i learned something new and horrifying today which is that no submarine is ever considered lost there is apparently a tradition in the u.s navy that no submarine is ever lost those that go to sea and do not return are considered to be still on patrol question mark there is a monument about this along a canal near here it's the worst thing i have ever seen it says still on patrol in huge letters and then goes on to specify exactly how many world war two submarine ghosts are still out there on patrol it is almost 2000 world war ii submarine ghosts fdr here is the text from it us navy submarines paid heavily for their success in world war ii a total of 374 officers and 31 31 men are still on board these 52 u.s submarines still on patrol thanks a lot us navy for having this totally normal and not at all horrifying tradition and telling all of us about it thanks thank you anyway now my mother and i cannot stop staying still on patrol to each other in ominous tones of voice there's definitely something ominous about that the implication that one day they will return from patrol actually it's rather sweet i don't know if this is common [Music] i'm so ready to be in a relationship so whenever the universe is ready hmu with a keeper i posted this yesterday then today this cute boy held my hand and now he is sending me memes rare blog for love [Music] give boys romantic physical affection i don't even know how many guys i have been with or talked to that say they have never had someone hold them or kiss their foreheads or play with their hair i have had a boy break down in front of me because i held him to my chest as he got sleepy and he hadn't ever had someone hold him like that this is not right boys deserve physical affection just like everyone else and not just in a sexual way they deserve to feel loved and cared for just like the ladies fellas if she won't let you cry in her shoulders and full embrace for hours in cathartic release of years of loneliness and trauma she's not the one i really want the new live action mural and movie to have an entirely racially correct cast except eddie murphy still plays mushu no cgi i want eddie murphy to wear a dragon suit apple google samsung i've been sending this emoji to my friends with iphones for years and this is what they've been getting the word under mine originally meant to literally attack a fortress by digging tunnels under its defenses i'm not sure why i find this so interesting and now it means when my partner reverses all of my parenting efforts by giving our dog child pieces of human food every time they sit pretty and make the begging face this is just like dover castle under the great siege of 12 16. you say irritably as your partner slips food scraps to your dog under the table [Applause] when you step on a leaf and it doesn't crunch [Music] there's something so deeply delightful about animals who can communicate actually i would prefer if you would continue petting me humans love to touch they want to touch as a sign of affection both to each other and any other creature that brings them joy and to achieve that they can and will learn how to make their touch pleasant if an elephant a deer a rail shark can in any way inform me get me behind the ears it feels pleasant as i can't reach there myself you bet your god damn bollocks i'm going to scratch that thing behind the ears natural selection gave me hands and i will use them for mutual enjoyment [Music] favorite line to use in an argument is i don't need to take this from someone who sucks toes it shuts down anyone who does suctos and completely and totally derails and confuses anyone who doesn't either way i win please cleanse your mind i don't need to take this from someone who sucks toes it was once king time [Music] guy about to invent mayonnaise damn i wish this sandwich tasted bad opie's never had pizza with mayonnaise ops never throttled someone to death with their bare hands either but unlike what you said that can change any second i think people should have mascots mine would be a golden retriever wearing sunglasses and holding a beer i have been informed this is called a fursona one of my least favorite shots in the entire harry potter franchise is the one where voldemort is leaning over dumbledore's corpse to take the elder wand i hate it so much what is the rest of his body doing it's implied that he's planking ominously in the air some people might say oh this is homoerotic but planking ominously in the air is both unsexy and too ridiculous to be properly evil i hate this shot and i hate that it was echoed in the dark tower movie with walter and roland i have some more suggestions [Music] you pop open the glow sticks like gushers and you slurp out the glow if you name a child gertrude they grow up to be a school teacher or a serial killer and there's no way to predict which wrong [ __ ] post i read that capsaicin makes your mouth feel like it's burning because it increases your nerve sensitivity to heat and menthol works by doing the same thing to cold so if i eat a habanero pepper and then chew a bunch of breath mints they'll each other out and i'll be fine hey guess what hellfire tastes like there are nice americans there are rude americans there are nice brits there are rude brits there are nice canadians there's justin bieber every year on canadian thanksgiving we perform a ritual to purge ourselves of our rudeness bieber absorbs it all he was never meant to escape we are sorry he was never meant to escape [Music] dude what if a prince is cursed to be a dragon but instead of being upset by it they're like hell yeah i'm a dragon and they spend weeks finding the perfect decrepit castle to haunt and try to convince their fiance to be a princess in the tower just for like a week and everyone is like we can break the [ __ ] curse and the prince is like but i'm a dragon disney needs to hire you are sad love that in a lot of classic literature people just randomly fall ill but bro their homes were stacked to the roof with arsenic and asbestos and lead and radium of course they were sick all the time and then they're like we took my wife to the seaside and her condition improved remarkably and it's like edward your house has seven time bombs in it please just leave your wife at the seaside and she'll do very well not getting mesothelioma edward your wife may be entitled to financial compensation listen i'd absolutely air for consenting self-aware monster but i wouldn't have every monster a werewolf he comes to me and says hey you wanna go for a ride and i say sure because he's hot but if godzilla came to me and says that no godzilla is a father figure not fourth king op the fact that size doesn't deter you but the principle of the matter and the metaphorical ramifications of sexing godzilla makes you the perfect 2018 mood honestly this is the nicest addition to this post i've gotten it's mostly other monster [ __ ] calling me a coward honestly my dream is to not be famous myself but to be married to a famous person purely so i could go to events full of other famous people and pretend i've never heard of any of them i would love to watch the look on leonardo dicaprio's face as i ask him what he does for a living and when he incredulously tells me he's an actor take a sip of my drink and ask and how's that working out for you is your cat about to leave you what to look out for fancy new hidoo loveless glare suitcase travel scrabble newbling who gave her that plane ticket [Music] [Music] you

Channel: BrainyDude

Views: 14,488

Rating: 4.9518719 out of 5

Keywords: tumblr, posts, tumblr top posts, top posts, tumblr stories, madlads, brainydude, funny tumblr stories, funny tumblr posts, tumblr posts, funny, reddit, subreddit, Tumblr top posts, reddit top posts, clumsy, comment awards, Best of reddit, top posts of all time, r/tumblr, memes, dank doodle memes, best of reddit, tumblr awards, tumblr memes, askreddit funny, askreddit, reddit stories, reddit memes, funny reddit, best memes, tumblr wumblr

Id: THN2Q2vSgR8

Length: 11min 18sec (678 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 17 2020