Tumblr Awards v2

[Music] [Music] me sings poo pd scoop 10 hours to the people in my basement except i moan it very loud and high pitched the people in my basement muffled incoherent screams normal brain brain damage superior brain small brain can dodge brain lips rise up homicidals please help me i think my hamsters are gay how do i let them know it's okay the only true ally i'm the baddest beach on allrecipes.com [Music] supervisor do you have any special skills me look a turtle do women still like flowers or i gotta buy a maid outfit and cat ears rich people really be like who so you want enough money to pay rent well i saw that on march 23 2015 you purchased a band-aid at a cvs not a dollar store for a cut that you could have easily covered with a little bit of tissue don't just wish for it work for it lmao literally one thousand percent accurate gonna go ahead and decide that not liking pineapple pizza is homophobic oh you hate having more fruit in your life yeah i bet you do tell me more about the fruits you don't like am i one of them my boyfriend playing warframe my shotgun fire slugs that my brain bro i could eat like three mcdonald's berger right now sorry maybe i'll just leave no p s b s b s b s t h thank you i think austin powers would misgender you accidentally and you'd correct him and he'd be like i need to get my glasses checked baby i ought to know a bird when i see one real shagadelic baby yeah i haven't stopped thinking about this since last night i have never related to a comic so personally before [Music] watched a kid in line ahead of me at the store get rung up and the cashier said your total is 1841 and without missing a beat the kid said ah the year i was born and the cashier stopped and was like i'm sorry my teacher asked what language brazil spoke and i said portuguese and they were like no they speak spanish and i pulled it up and they all got mad welcome to america where if you're wrong get mad about it just throw the whole teacher away you live in an alternate world where twins fraternal and identical can feel each other's physical pain you are an only child with no siblings one day suddenly you feel a burning pain in your chest it's called heartburn learn to eat slow you hooligans sometimes self-care is saying this is stupid and closing the tab ah men this sort of self-care is ruining my grades but i'm going to keep doing it day 30 of quarantine the water sliding down my arm while doing dishes is no longer annoying but instead sort of tender do not freak the sink the shape of quarantine when you can hear a singer's accent in a song but i would walk 500 males and i would walk 500 more just rb than man who walked a fuse and male star fall down a cheer door i don't know whether i love you or hate you king arthur was supposed to rise when the world's need was greatest so wakey wakey someone knock on his tomb or something [Music] inside the flower company supplying america's sudden baking obsession how king arthur flower found itself in the unlikely crosshairs of a pandemic i hate free rules why the frick would i check my email that's where the freaking mls are opening my god on email there better not be any goddamn emails in here [Music] gets home breaks knuckles time to crap myself to sleep again boss wait no it's cracks knuckles wait no it's cry myself to sleep don't reblog this stop it [Music] baseball different from how i remember it glad they added new maps to baseball clown names clown names evil my mutuals versus my blockless how dare you be funnier than my post if women are oppressed then why simon someone once said the definition of modern art is it still elicits a strong and emotional response in you as classical art but you can no longer understand or articulate why tiny harmless insect flies around too fast relatively gargantuan whose evolutionary niche is being smart oh i can't freaking stand this [Music] shrimp are referred to as an abomination four times more than homosexuality is in the bible mclemore is writing a song about shrimp rights as we speak when i was in the third grade i thought i was a shrimp because i could swim and i can't change even if i'm fried even if i'm barbecued [Music] a dispenser here need a dispenser here need a dispenser here need a dispenser here this is how i play the sims women big pretty have pretty hair lovely i love them women nine-year-old girl this is better than any poem a man has ever written [Music] look at these colossal freaking lemons from the tree my brother has peed on every day since he was like five years old i'm laughing slash crying i don't want any more messages about this listen up you fricks apparently p makes citrus plants grow well he learned this from a movie called the world's fastest indian it is a very good movie starring sir anthony hopkins a highly inspirational film you will be compelled to purchase a lemon tree sapling and see a man about a dog on it every day for the rest of your life and you will be blessed with lemons the size of footballs yes we ate the pea lemons when life gives you lemons pee on them more like pee on life until it gives you lemons my sister decorated a cat yesterday how the frick does youtube mine all this data to macro target adds at me and yet it continues to pour unwatchable sludge into my actual recommendations you know what's wild your body like the one you're existing as your mind prison it's not a wholly independent entity it's an ecosystem you're a bob that's self-aware imagine if a swamp could telepathically communicate a desire for chicago-style deep dish and then just have it no wonder my stomach hates me the fish are confused as frick there are no limits on the hands so you might say like you might say i could go h you can say it we won't judge you when i was seven i was in a hospital for a few months for a secret reason my aunt brought me a snake to make me feel better i tried to eat it but my mother slapped it out of my hand and it got away we never found it his name was slippy this ask has so many questions around it why did you try to eat the snake why was the hospital visit secret was it secret to you as well why are there quotation marks around the number seven as if you weren't actually seven this is so upsetting thank you so i accidentally said my crotch has a hole in it instead of my pants have a hole in them and this guy looked me dead in the eyes and whispered it's called a cemetery forests would be great if you could get them to work out ecologically not only would you have healthy sustainable burials with physical markers to mourn at you'd also inspire emotional investment in conservation and promote old growth forests no one wants to chop down great great great grand park at the oak tree for lumber you're kidding me you want a haunted forest that's how you get a haunted forest gotta love knitting needles i can make a scarf i can make a hat i can stab your eyes out i can make mittens what was that middle part i can make a hat [Music] eddie at rat trying to eat my keys you you all talk so much about shower thoughts what about washing the dishes thoughts the only thought i have when washing dishes is freak this i hate washing dishes what's your stock portfolio like chicken beef vegetable the classics mostly my brothers share special interests and my favorite thing to do is walk in a room and be like hey guys can you tell me about the mariana trench and then sit there for an hour while they both info dumped me about the ocean it's extremely entertaining and my parents are always like oh my god why would you do that beach i want to learn about the ocean and these two 13 year old boys are my most trusted source for real i mean i could google questions i have about medieval weaponry and horsemanship but on the other hand i could message my sister the simple statement have question about historical saddles and get both a phone call and a comprehensive three-page google document within an hour seriously if you know someone who has a special interest you'd like info about go ask them it costs zero money you make them happy and you learn way more than a basic google search would tell you i love texting or calling my friends and asking them if they have some time to tell me about their passions and special interests even if it's not something i'm particularly into at first there's a joy in that kind of exchange mom hit a bump now your babies are going ape crap tfw you leave your furbiz in the car with your parents have fun with that they'll shut up eventually you were wrong i had no fun and they never shut up they feed off each other in never-ending feedback loop my poor dad if my friend told me they believed they were stuck in a time loop i would simply believe them friend i know this sounds insane i know but i'm telling you i've lived this day already so many times and i think i'm in a time loop me okay friend i need you to trust me okay me okay walk me through the entire day and everything you've done during the time loop let me help you break it this is why i have a time loop code which i thought of and have never written down or spoken all someone needs to do is tell me it and i'll know they got it from me in a previous loop that's freaking genius [Music] officer it's not my fault you can't handle the fact that sir charles is cooler than you [Music] boys are a great concept but it's just not realistic open world games stress me out you finish the main story and the game is like congrats you've explored 12 percent of the map just tell me to frick myself [Music] in a simple experiment researchers at the university of chicago sought to find out whether a rat would release a fellow rat from an unpleasantly restrictive cage if it could the answer was yes the free rat occasionally hearing distress calls from its compatriot learned to open the cage and did so with greater efficiency over time it would release the other animal even if there wasn't the payoff of a reunion with it astonishingly if given access to a small hoard of chocolate chips the free rat would usually save at least one treat for the captive which is a lot to expect of a rat the researchers came to the unavoidable conclusion that what they were seeing was empathy and apparently selfless behavior driven by that mental state a new model of empathy the rat by david brown washington post oh my kids these days are so cringy with their fortnite dances ah none of y'all going to a con well edge the crap we did are we not going to acknowledge gangnam style what does the fox say if we go older hamster dance crazy frog the freaking duck song the llama song charlie the unicorn lettie who is without sin throw the first stone sprinkles a little parmesan cheese on you marvel studios and then chris evans improvised the line i'm steve rogers he talked to groot haha pretty wild and silly huh venom production team yeah tom hardy just freaking climbed in the tank and ate a live lobster do we look like we know how to manage him this has that same energy about that one post about cat owners versus dog owners marvel studios this is chris evans he's a reward winning talented actor he's so talented and has been in all these movies he's half dentist venom production team this is tom hardy and he's a to be fair chris evans added it to be funny tom hardy did it because he knows how to radiate by shrek shall disaster [Music] energy the above are antique dishes cocaine was legal in the u.s until 1914. would be fun to buy one and keep flour in it so i was just trying to log into my old email account and i couldn't remember the password so my security question that i set for myself two years ago pops up and it is why and i'm like what a move me i don't know the freaking answer why why why what me what are you trying to ask me you little crap so in a fit of rage i type in because frick you that's why ding password reset when your friend gets into one of your shows and they start liking your fave character he belongs to me yes the terrible power of don't stop believing is you don't even have to listen to it for it to get stuck in your head just hearing the name is enough i didn't even finish reading the post before it hit me like a midnight train going anywhere you're too late spider-man i've already sucked all that in new york john green strikes again [Music] i apologize for the harshness of my words miss bennett but your family is just so cringe everyone should idk wtf she said here a plus subtitles [Music] look at my face you think this is a freaking game i'm so confused by people who are constantly with five plus friends every day in their posts and snap stories just basic stuff like getting a taco for lunch but it's a party how i have plenty of friends but i swear it takes four days of back and forth to coordinate getting three people in the same place at the same time do you slip it on him tail first now i just hold it open and he crawls in look at the noodle in a sweater [Music] where are all the creatures of the freaking night turtle school why is there a horseshoe crab exchange student [Music] what the frick [Music] it gives off its own little patch of sunlight where the frick did you get a dragon tail stone he is challenging you will you fight no but i will give him dips on my corpse when i die he seems like a powerful and respectable vulture [Music] the head bones connected to the neck bone the neck bones connected to the neck bone the neck bones connected to the neck bone the neck bones connected to the neck bone the neck bones connected to the neck bone the neck bones connected to the neck bone the neck bones connected to the neck bone there are seven cervical vertebrae why am i laughing so hard at this i love when people ran to me like yes i'm entrusted with your hate me clicks a settings menu my family love having a tech expert in the house i'm incontrovertibly the most abused creature in all of thrap rolls so far back it's before the earthquakes landed in thrab me when faced with a single mild inconvenience beach you're not even the most abused creature in your lab sit the frick down my brother is putting christmas lights up and the cat jumped up on the roof now he's singing the circle of life i want to marry your brother why weren't you at health practice me man because i'm elf practice no matter how much i eat there's always room for dessert dessert doesn't go to the stomach dessert goes to the heart seriously considering filling my pockets with glitter and whenever someone near me says something really stupid or rude i'll just reach into my pocket with a dead expression and release the glitter into the sky above their head and watch it shower over them like a baptism of stupid old man voice back in my day tick tock was a cash's song cole if you win i'll move here but if you lose then i get your skeleton the stakes are high is anybody else obsessed with understanding how others perceive you like who am i in your lives what kind of person am i a friend of mine told me once that i'm mysterious and i was like me handing out a papers i'm gonna need you all to write a detailed essay of minimum 45 pages describing exactly how you perceive me and why plus an oral presentation with appropriate soundtrack a vegan hey me i've collected some leaves and sticks for you as a snack [Music] it doesn't matter what generation you're from we're all stupid i'm wearing shorts to help toughen up my kneecaps do you want to feel them sometimes pokemon makes me uncomfortable first day of the semester this isn't so bad maybe i actually won't be an absolute mess this time around third day of the semester [Music] what if i died in like 20 years and all i left my girlfriend was a box and like she gasps and reaches down to her chest where her key necklace hangs that i gave her 20 years ago and she uses it to unlock the box and all that is and there is a string which you can pull to reveal an embarrassing photo of spongebob at the christmas party single in the womb single till the tomb i reblogged this laughing cause i thought i could relate but i forgot for a second that i was a twin i'm giving up personhood to become a full-time abstract concept help my wife is making me go clothes shopping with her and my heart can't take seeing how beautiful she looks in the pretty clothes it's too much [Music] you

Channel: Tumblr Reads

Views: 79,143

Rating: 4.9455566 out of 5

Keywords: tumblr, tumblr memes, dank memes, dank, memes, meme, funny, lol, comedy, humor, r/tumblr, best of tumblr, top tumblr posts, funny tumblr posts, hot tumblr posts, funniest tumblr posts, cowbelly, comment awards, tumblr reads, tumblr trophies, tumblr awards, text posts, tumblr posts

Id: ifA53HqT0dQ

Length: 19min 47sec (1187 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 16 2020