Try Not To Laugh Challenge- Jeanne Robertson

[Music] left brain is financially frugal around our house we spell that c h e a p he's most generous if somebody else needs help you know that but on himself he will not spend it I booked my first speech in Hawaii or as we say around you how are you we were so excited we had never been there I didn't know what they were going to wear I took all my clothes had them ready to go we were going to cash in points and stay at the Sheraton at Waikiki Beach an extra week had an airline ticket it was wonderful the only problem we had was that I was to leave home go to Minnesota make a speech and fly to Honolulu from there left brain couldn't go with me that day he had to come the day I would be flying but he had to fly from North Carolina and he was going to bring the luggage when will I learn Ed the client called the day that I was leaving and said Genie I forgot to get gifts for the spouses in our group is there any way that you can get a hundred and fifty of your hardback books to Hawaii I said that's no problem I tell you their hardback only so you know how heavy this was I said my husband will bring him with the luggage hung up my said to Jerry you got to take with all this bags and stuff you got to take these seven cases of books with you to the airport the airlines don't ship them but you're gonna have to pay extra per box just pay whatever they want get these books to Hawaii he said wait a minute wait a minute pay whatever they want there's got to be a better way than that you understand with left brain that a better way is synonymous with a cheaper way he worked on his better way all afternoon he went up into the Attic got six of the biggest suitcases you have ever seen I didn't even know they were up there no wheels on them one of them was a trunk I took to Auburn with me as a freshman he took the books out of carefully packaged cases wrapped each book individually in t-shirts shorts underwear shirts packed all these bags back and when he finished all of our clothes were widened up around these 150 books and they're in these bags that he shut up that you couldn't even pick up I just looked at them and I said well I I wouldn't have done it that way but I'll I'll see you in Hawaii he said wait a minute you're the one that travels all the time how am I going to get these bags from the airport to the Sheraton at Waikiki Beach I said that's easy you just somehow get them to the curb you get in a cab and just say take me to the Sheraton at Waikiki Beach he said how much you think that cab is going to cost why would it matter you would have just flown 10 hours your body Jerry will think it is the next day paying get to the house he said what does it say in the little book he had been over to the May Memorial Library checked out a book on how to see Hawaii on 23.42 cents a day I looked it up Honolulu airport to the hotels at Waikiki Beach twenty dollars plus a tip twin we've talked got to be a better way than that I said well honey you could go on the shuttle but I've I'm going to tell you from experience you'll have to wait after that long trip for the shuttle to fill up and then you're gonna have to go to Every hotel that somebody is stopping at and you're going to get there two hours before I do but it'll take you all that time to get the what is a little book say about the shuttle eight dollars be a smaller tip he said I bet there's a better way than that I said I bet I will just see you in Hawaii aloha the next day I gave my speech in Minnesota I had one little rolling cart I flew to Hawaii got off with my one little rolling cart went straight to the curb and got in a cab said here's your twenty dollars and here's your tip take me to the Sheraton at Waikiki Beach I was checking in and I just asked The Man Behind The Desk one question and you would have thought I had taken a pail of ice water and thrown it in his faith all I said was has my husband checked in yet backed up and raised his for the benefit of standing over there and he turned into an Elvis announcer Mr Robertson is in the building I thought that sounded a little bit strange but I went up and I unlocked the door and there stood Jerry dripping wet bags everywhere golf clubs all over the room he said I just got here aloha what happened honey was you plainly plane ran right on time it took me two hours to get from the airport to this hotel with these bags well what happened did the cab get caught in traffic I didn't come in a cab I found a better way I said you came on that shuttle and you went around from hotel to hotel for two hours he said I didn't come on the shuttle either I came on the city bus now this might be a male female thing the women will have to tell me this irritated me I was not the one who did it but this just irritated me I said I'm worn out honey let's just go get something to eat and go to bed he said I found a place in the little book we passed six nice restaurants in this hotel to go three blocks away to Denny's I heard a comedian say people don't go to Denny's people wind up at Denny's that is not true we go to Denny's we seek Denny's we have a satellite Global thing on our car that pulls Us in to Denny's but when we passed the Bellman one of them said everything all right now Mr Robertson it's a strange thing for Bellman to say we ate got back upstairs and I said honey I got to go down to the gift shop and get something I went down there and went up to the bells stand the man they're working I said excuse me do you remember me yes Mrs Robertson what can I do for you I want to know what my husband did no I said let me make sure you understand we love each other dearly we are best friends but I just sense I'm missing something here he said Mrs Robertson are you aware that your husband came from the airport to this hotel with all that luggage on the city bus I said yes I am one dollar no tip he said but Mrs Robertson are you aware that the city bus doesn't come to the Sheraton the city bus stops two long blocks around that corner he said a bunch of us were up here tourists everywhere and we saw a man your husband come around the corner with golf clubs on his shoulder carrying two bags almost stumbling under the weight of the bags people up here said look at that wonder where he's going I think he's coming here one woman says is it a homeless person he put those bags down and went and completely disappeared from sight we watched the bags then in a few minutes he came back around the corner with two more bags put them down and turned to leave another Bellman stepped up and said but he never let those golf clubs out of his sight foreign this time he disappeared and didn't come back for a long time and when he did he was dragging a trunk had another suitcase bags and when he got to the first four he sidestepped and went on a little further and put him down and kept repeating the process till he got to the end of the first block and looked up here we said he is coming to the Sheraton we went down to try to help him but when we got 10 feet from him he said I can get it I've got these bags any help no no I got him this far the Bellman said Mrs Robertson could it have been that your husband didn't want to tip duh a better wife would have not mentioned it I went straight upstairs what you gonna do with the 19 honey go to Europe I was muscle I kept saying all week 19 in his pocket finally after about five days he said all right now that's enough I did save 19 he said you weren't going to be here for two hours anyway and I met some interesting people on the bus when you have loved known what they said that night at supper things are just not going to change I'm not and he's not because with complete sincerity he said it'll be easier going home because the bags won't be as heavy and there'll be two of us to take them down to the bus no [Applause] [Music] [Music] all right and the point is to look for the humor around us every day left brain and I wound up in Nanaimo Canada got a year ago we had five hours to kill before we took the ferry we went straight to the visitors bureau and I said we've got a rental car for five more hours young woman sitting there you know young these wonderful smart Elon students here they know I don't really have talking about them this was another caliber person here she's sitting right there and I said what would you suggest that we do for five hours and she said well pulled out some flyers and some brochures and she said oh I know what pointed to the mat and said if you'll go back to the the terminal Ferry area right down the street and go south of 13 kilometers you'll come to the Nanaimo River named after the town I said all right she said and just go a little further and you'll find the Nanaimo man-made bridge I said named after the town and the river she said that's right and if you'll go out there right now you can bungee jump [Applause] a young person's face and your hands and say lovingly are you in there are you in there look at us just look at us left right at that time was 68 years old thin solid white hair also thin I was 62 years old not as thin as I once was and my hair is Clairol Tweed number 14. like we would bungee jump but I knew that left brain didn't know what she was talking about because when you've been married a long time you know who the other one knows what they know I think we know this but you don't know those people I'm telling you that you don't know those people I said do you know what she's talking about left brain said I'm not I'm not sure I do what she wants us to do honey go out to that to that River and get on that bridge and put on some kind of boots with ropes and things on them and then when we're secure we go to the edge of that bridge and we hurl our body all favorite we hang upside down she said 140 feet thank you we're gonna drop a hundred and forty feet and we're going to hang there until somebody reels us up left brain said I can't do that my teeth will fall out this young person Wellington said oh no sir there's somebody up on the bridge and before you jump they'll always have the people take out their hearing aids and their teeth [Laughter] beam me up Scotty wait a minute just wait a minute how many people do you have that come out there and before they jump first have to put their teeth in their hearing aid what do you say put your three-prong Walker against a tree well she was almost defensive and she because we were laughing and she said well you get your money's worth because you do a whole lot more than just hang there because when you pop that bungee cord Springs you way over here and then over here and it's like a pendulum you go back it's it's a ride she said until finally you stop so you get your money's worth Frank said I tell you why I I don't want to do it honey but we got to go out there and see it and when she heard see it her eyes got his biggest plates she said oh oh if you just want to see it you should come back the weekend after Valentine's Day that's when they raise money for Charities and people jump in the nude laugh right said what'd she say naked she wants us to jump naked in Canada in February we're gonna come up here and jump naked we started laughing so much finally I said wait a minute wait a minute left right we're missing the whole boat here the this might be a good thing with all the sagging areas on our bodies if we can hang there long enough naked we might could knock a few things back in place and he said no no we can't do that because of that swinging part with all the sagging areas on our body we're liable to start rolling and slap ourselves simply barely get out of the building left frame just as serious oh honey I love you so much but you were just as serious you said I'll tell you I do want to ride out there and see it but I'll guarantee you you're never gonna get me to spongy jump [Applause] thank you right there right there it's why I laughed so hard my water broke and I wasn't even pregnant [Applause] in our area of the country as you know when someone we know gets sick or has passed that's the way we do it have you noticed it if we hear the word past we we and then we go on I was seated next to a woman on the airplane and not a month or two ago she was 70 and going to see her sister I'd never met her and I said to her how many siblings do you have she said I have two sisters and then we had a third one but she passed in 1941 and both of us went oh I'm so sorry you know what I think it is I think it's just a little show of respect just to stop for a minute and do like this and do this well in our area of the country when somebody gets sick that we know or has passed we take over food have you noticed that we take over food you can buy that food you can go to the deli in the grocery store get something great hire somebody to bake it but put it down in the big list of important things for life you get a lot more credit if you make it yourself you can put it on your grandmother's platter but the women in the kitchen will say I know where she got that chicken I'm telling you it works out that way foreign thing and that is small little seven Up pound cakes I make them by the Dozen I'm out of town something happens left brain takes it over and not long ago got up one morning and heard that a friend of ours was sick and went to my freezer and the pound cakes were depleted I did not realize I was out he said I've been taking them to a lot of people a lot of people been sick I said well I didn't know they were gone I got to get a pound cake made before I leave town honey go to the grocery store and get my ingredients he said I'm trying to get to badminton I said well it's just a few ingredients he said I tell you what I can get there and get it and still get to badminton but you make sure I can go through that express lane no problem we don't go to the grocery store together anymore because I frankly don't care what things cost by the half ounce y'all I waited I waited he didn't come back I thought he's gone on to badminton and I thought now where could he be I was getting ready to call the grocery store and I heard the car pull in he came huffing up the steps had two sacks and more sacks hanging on his arms he just glared at me started putting stuff down and said I'll get some more out of the car I looked in the first sack that was a pound of margarine and two gigantic bottles of vanilla flavoring golden out a half teaspoon of thyme it would take forever to get rid of these two gigantic bottles of vanilla flavor and in the next sack with three dozen eggs I said they had a special I'll tell you they have had a special I didn't need but five eggs and I just said a dozen in the next sack was a big old thing of shortening two of them and in the next sack two more 12 pounds of lard we could fry fish for everybody in here but in that fourth sack I found my list and I'd like to step out of the kitchen just a minute to tell you something left brain is a smart man he went to Duke University on a basketball scholarship played basketball for four years and graduated in the same four years then he went to Carolina and got a master's degree and a doctorate he has over degreed himself but I don't care how many pieces of paper you frame and put on the wall if you have a left brain it's going to check in on you and it kicked in on him about the third aisle of that grocery store I'll step back in the kitchen I found my list and in my eagerness to make sure that he could get through the express running for probably the first time in my life I numbered the items all right [Applause] number one a pound of butter no problem number two large bottle of vanilla flavor and I had two of them number three a dozen eggs this man has a doctorate degree number four a big big tub thing of large I could hear him coming back I looked down at number five set a five pound bag of sugar I knew he was coming in with 25 pounds of sugar and number six was a five pound bag of all-purpose flour 30 pounds of now I believe in accepting things you can't change but I also believe in hounding things sometimes and then sometimes I let it ride and this time y'all would have been proud of me I let it ride I put that list behind my back he came in again flopping down sugar and flour all over Bam Bam Bam Bam gets it all down then says one more trip I went back to my list and looked and number seven was a bottle of Seven Up I don't want that big bottle because if you're gonna make one cake and you just use it it'll be stale by the time I get back I told him I wanted a six pack of those medium sized ones hanging so I knew he was coming back in with 42 bottles of Seven Up and in a minute there he was I had just cleared a space for him right here back it up put them all down and turned around to me before he left and said well obviously they would let me through the express lane I figured out what I had done but by then she was ringing up the Seven Up and all these people behind me in line were laughing and I got to get to badminton don't tell anybody I said I won't three days later I went to the grocery store and a woman that was checking me out says I think I checked out your husband a few days ago I said I'm sure you could have she said that was an interesting order I said let me explain to you and she was from this area too and this proves it because I said anytime a friend of ours gets sick or has passed and both of us went said I make make pound cakes and we take it over is there an epidemic [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Seth Wheat

Views: 897,204

Keywords: funny, Jeanne Robertson

Id: qw77mARxNJo

Length: 25min 37sec (1537 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 27 2017