I AM TIRED. I WAS UP LATE LAST NIGHT WATCHING THIS IMPEACHMENT. AND THEN LIKE TWO MINUTES AFTER I WENT TO BED, WE HAD AN EARTHQUAKE. AND THEN AN HOUR LATER MY DAUGHTER WOKE UP WITH GROWING PAINS. THEN TWO HOURS LATER SHE WOKE UP AGAIN TO TELL US, I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO THROW UP. WHICH IS HOW I FELT WATCHING THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL. KIND OF CAME FULL CIRCLE. NEITHER OF US THREW UP. THE EARTHQUAKE WASN'T A BIG EARTHQUAKE BUT WE STILL FELT IT. I STILL GOT A GLASS OF WATER OUT OF THE TOILET. [ LAUGHTER ] JUST TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR THE NEXT TIME. YOU KNOW, THE FIRST THING I DO NOW WHEN THERE'S AN EARTHQUAKE, I GET MY PHONE, I GO ON TWITTER. WHY, I DON'T KNOW. I LOOK AT IT AND THERE'S A BUNCH OF PEOPLE GOING, EARTHQUAKE! YEAH. OUR DEMOCRACY IS ON SHAKY GROUND TOO. DEMOCRATS TODAY MADE THEIR OPENING ARGUMENTS IN THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL. OPENING? IF THOSE ARE THE OPENING ARGUMENTS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT 13 HOURS I WATCHED YESTERDAY? [ LAUGHTER ] THE SENATE PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER, THEY DIDN'T FINISH UNTIL 2:00 A.M. BECAUSE THEY CANNOT AGREE ON ANYTHING. LATE LAST NIGHT SOMEONE HAD AN IDEA TO GET SOME AGREEMENT GOING. CHUCK SCHUMER, THE HOUSE MINORITY LEADER, ASKED FOR A VOTE THAT WE GIVE JOHN ROBERTS, CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE SUPREME COURT, THE POWER TO DECIDE WHO WOULD GET SUBPOENAED AND WHO WOULDN'T, ALL THE REPUBLICANS VOTED NO ON THAT. THEY WON'T EVEN ALLOW THE CONSERVATIVE HEAD OF THE SUPREME COURT, WHO WAS APPOINTED BY A REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT, MAKE DECISIONS BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT TRUMP DID, THEY JUST WANT TO LET HIM OFF WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED AND THEIR FINGERS IN THEIR EARS. THE DEMOCRATS CHOSE THE PRESIDENT'S FAVORITE, ADAM SCHIFF, TO KICK THINGS OFF TODAY. SCHIFF SPOKE FOR 2 1/2 HOURS AND MADE A VERY PERSUASIVE CASE, VISUAL AIDS AND EVERYTHING, A VISUAL POWER POINT PRESENTATION, MUCH OF IT SOUND BITES OF TRUMP HIMSELF, AND HE INVOKED THE FOUNDING FATHERS, SCHIFF QUOTED HAMILTON SO MANY TIMES TODAY HE WAS NOMINATED FOR FIVE TONY AWARDS. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SCHIFF SPOKE AND A NUMBER OF DEMOCRATS SPOKE VERY PASSIONATELY. THERE WAS SOME RIVETING STUFF. TO EVERYONE OTHER THAN MITCH McCONNELL. >> IF I MAY, WHAT I WAS GOING TO SUGGEST WAS AT 6:30 WE TAKE A 30-MINUTE BREAK FOR DINNER. OKAY? >> SO BREAK THE 6:30? OKAY. >> WHAT I WAS GOING TO SUGGEST IS A BREAK FOR DINNER AT 6:30 FOR ABOUT 30 MINUTES. THAT WORK? >> Jimmy: RIGHT, YEAH, WE -- WILL SOMEBODY GET GRANDMA TO GOLDEN CORRAL ALREADY? [ LAUGHTER ] HE ALLOWED MORE TIME FOR DINNER THAN WITNESSES AT THIS TRIAL. SOME OF THE SENATORS ARE SAID TO BE HAVING TROUBLE STAYING AWAKE. SINCE CAMERAS ARE CONTROLLED BY THE SENATE WE DON'T GET TO SEE THAT, WE HAVE TO RELY ON A COURTROOM SKETCH ARTIST TO SHOW US WHAT IS GOING ON OFFSTAGE. THIS IS A SKETCH, THIS IS REAL, THIS IS OF SENATOR GYM RICH OF IDAHO. WHERE'S THAT MY PILLOW LUNATIC WHEN WE ACTUALLY NEED HIM? A SPOKESMAN SAID HE WASN'T SLEEPING, HE WAS JUST LISTENING CLOSELY, EXACTLY WHAT MY GRANDMOTHER USED TO SAY WHEN SHE WAS SLEEPING. DEMOCRATS HAVE A STRATEGY IN PLACE. THEY BELIEVE IF THEY TALK FOR LONG ENOUGH, MITCH McCONNELL WILL EVENTUALLY DIE OF OLD AGE. [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEY'LL HAVE A SHOT AT A REAL TRIAL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THERE ARE REPORTS FROM "THE WASHINGTON POST" THAT SAY DEMOCRATS ARE TALKING ABOUT MAKING A DEAL WITH REPUBLICANS TO BE ABLE TO CALL WITNESSES. THE IDEA BEING, THEY WOULD GET TO CALL SOMEONE LIKE JOHN BOLTON IN EXCHANGE FOR SOMEONE LIKE HUNTER BIDEN. I DIDN'T REALIZE WITNESSES WERE LIKE POKEMON CARDS. I'LL GIVE YOU A SHARZARD FOR LEV PARNAS. AT ONE POINT LAST NIGHT JUSTICE ROBERTS HAD TO ADMONISH BOTH SIDES FOR WHAT HE CALLED SOME KIND OF UNGENTLEMANLY BEHAVIOR. IT WAS TENSE. BUT THERE WERE LIGHT MOMENTS TOO INCLUDING THIS FUNNY ONE-LINER FROM WHITE HOUSE COUNSEL PAT CIMALLONE. >> PRESIDENT TRUMP IS A MAN OF HIS WORD. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: GET HIM A NETFLIX COMEDY SPECIAL FAST! SO THE PRESIDENT HIMSELF WASN'T HERE, HE WAS IN SWITZERLAND FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS AT THE WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM WHERE HE WEIGHED IN ON HIS TRIAL AND SAID ANOTHER STUPID THING. HE SAID HE FELT CONFIDENT THAT HE WOULD BE ACQUITTED BECAUSE WE HAVE ALL THE MATERIAL, THEY DON'T HAVE THE MATERIAL. BECAUSE HE REFUSES TO TURN ANY OF THE DOCUMENTS AND EVIDENCE OVER. HE CANNOT HELP BUT BRAG. EVEN IF IT HURTS HIM, HE CAN'T KEEP THAT BIG ORANGE MOUTH SHUT. THE PRESIDENT ALSO ELABORATED ON THE FACT THAT IN 1999, HE CRITICIZED ATTORNEY KEN STARR, WHO IS NOW HIS ATTORNEY, DURING BILL CLINTON'S IMPEACHMENT, HE CALLED STARR AUNATIC AND A DISASTER. THEY ASKED WHY HE SAID THAT, AND WHAT HE THINKS OF KEN STARR NOW. >> SO KEN STARR IS A -- A TERRIFIC MAN. I DID MAKE THAT STATEMENT BECAUSE FRANKLY I DIDN'T THINK THAT BILL CLINTON SHOULD HAVE BEEN IMPEACHED. I DIDN'T KNOW KEN, BUT WHAT I DID KNOW IS HE WAS VERY SMART, HE WAS VERY TOUGH, HE WAS VERY TALENTED. BUT IN A CERTAIN WAY I WAS STICKING UP FOR CLINTON, FOR BILL CLINTON. AND -- YOU KNOW, I FELT -- I SORT OF STILL FEEL THAT WAY, I MEAN, WHAT HE DID WAS NOTHING GOOD, IT WAS A LOT OF LYING GOING ON, THERE WERE A LOT OF THINGS, A LOT OF BAD THINGS. NOW WITH ME THERE'S NO LYING, THERE'S NO NOTHING, THEY HAVE NOTHING, THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE A CRIME. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NOTHING AT ALL, NO LYING. [ APPLAUSE ] HE ACTUALLY LIED WHILE SAYING THERE WAS NO LYING. NOT ONLY DOES HE KEEP SAYING PERFECT CALL, HE BELIEVES THIS IMPEACHMENT HAS BEEN IN THE WORKS FOR A VERY LONG TIME. >> OUR COUNTRY'S BEEN TIED UP WITH THIS HOAX FROM THE DAY I CAME DOWN THE ESCALATOR. >> Jimmy: MAYBE START TAKING THE STAIRS THEN, I DON'T KNOW. HE LOVES TALKING ABOUT THAT ESCALATOR. HE'S REFERRING TO WHEN HE ANNOUNCED HIS CANDIDACY IN 2015 AT TRUMP TOWER, HE CAME DOWN THE ESCALATOR. THIS IS SOMETHING HE LIKES TO REMINISCE ABOUT A LOT. >> THIS HAS GONE ON SINCE THE DAY I CAME DOWN THE ESCALATOR. IT'S BEEN GOING ON FROM BEFORE I CAME DOWN THE ESCALATOR. FROM THE DAY I CAME DOWN THE ESCALATOR. FROM THE DAY I CAME DOWN THE ESCALATOR. BEFORE I CAME DOWN THE ESCALATOR. SOMETIME RIGHT AFTER WE CAME DOWN THE ESCALATOR. BEFORE I TOOK THAT GREAT ESCALATOR RIDE DOWN. SINCE JUNE 16th, THE FAMOUS ESCALATOR RIDE. JUNE 16th, DOWN THE ESCALATOR, REMEMBER THE FAMOUS ESCALATOR RIDE? JUNE 16th, COMING DOWN THAT ESCALATOR. WE CAME DOWN THE ESCALATOR, THAT FAMOUS ESCALATOR RIDE. THE FAMOUS ESCALATOR RIDE. COMING DOWN THAT NOW VERY FAMOUS ESCALATOR. WHEN I CAME DOWN THE FAMOUS ESCALATOR RIDE. I CAME DOWN THAT BEAUTIFUL ESCALATOR. I CAME DOWN, BEAUTIFUL ESCALATOR. WE WENT DOWN THAT ESCALATOR. AND HERE WE ARE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HERE WE ARE, THAT'S RIGHT. [ APPLAUSE ] IT'S FUNNY. BECAUSE JUST NOTICE HIS MOUTH SAYS ESCALATOR. BUT HIS HAND SAYS WATER SLIDE. [ LAUGHTER ] AND IT'S WEIRD TO THINK THIS WHOLE DISASTER OF A PRESIDENCY COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF SOMEBODY HAD JUST PUT ONE OF THESE ON THE GROUND. AT TRUMP TOWER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ONE JANITOR COULD HAVE SOLVED THE WHOLE THING. TODAY HAPPENS TO BE THE PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY'S 15th ANNIVERSARY WHICH THEY CELEBRATED BY BEING 4,000 MILES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. MELANIA HAD A CANDLELIT DINNER TONIGHT BECAUSE IT'S DARK IN THE TUNNEL SHE'S DIGGING. A PERSONAL RECORD FOR MOST TWEETS IN THE DAY SINCE HE BECAME PRESIDENT, HE TWEETED 140 TIMES TODAY, NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES WAS ABOUT HIS ANNIVERSARY. HE DID PROMOTE TED CRUZ'S NEW PODCAST, THAT WAS IMPORTANT. HE'S NOT A SOCIAL MEDIA KIND OF GUY, THAT WASN'T THE BE BEST STORY OF THE DAY. THIS IS WHO I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE SENATE CALL AS A WITNESS. MAYBE THE MOST RIDICULOUS CHARACTER IN THIS UKRAINE SOAP OPERA OF MANY RIDICULOUS CHARACTERS YET IS A POLITICIAN NAMED ROBERT HYDE. HE'S A BIG TRUMP SUPPORTER, HE'S RUNNING FOR CONGRESS IN CONNECTICUT. HE WAS ON THE OTHER END OF SOME VERY SUSPICIOUS TEXT MESSAGES WITH RUDY GIULIANI'S DIRT DIGGER, LEV PARNAS. THE TEXTS INDICATE HE WAS HAVING THE NOW FORMER U.S. AMBASSADOR TO UKRAINE, THE ONE TRUMP GOT RID OF, FOLLOWED. SO HYDE WAS ON CNN LAST NIGHT, PRESUMABLY TO EXPLAIN THIS TO CHRIS CUOMO, BUT THAT IS NOT EXACTLY HOW IT PLAYED OUT. >> THE DECISION TO START BEING INVOLVED WITH HIM ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH THE THEN U.S. AMBASSADOR TO UKRAINE, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? >> WELL, FIRST OFF, I'D LIKE TO SAY I BROUGHT YOU A GIFT. >> APPRECIATE IT. >> I BROUGHT A BLUE ONE FOR YOU. >> I LIKE IT, THANK YOU. HELP ME UNDERSTAND -- >> NUMBER TWO IS, THIS IS MY THIRD INTERVIEW EVER LIVE ON TV, I WANT THE PUBLIC TO KNOW THAT. I BROUGHT NOTES. IF YOU NOTICE, I'M NOT SWEATING LIKE LEV, I'VE BEEN HERE ALL NIGHT. YOU CALLED ME LAST NIGHT WHILE I WAS IN BED, I AGREED TO IT THIS MORNING. >> APPRECIATE IT. >> I APOLOGIZE TO ERIC BOWLING, MY MAN, I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO HIM FIRST, HOPEFULLY HE LETS ME BACK ON SOMEDAY. I BROUGHT NOTES FROM THE CROWN PLAZA, NOT THE RITTS, LIKE LEV. YOU GUYS PUT ME IN THE CROWN. I MADE THESE NOTES PRETTY MUCH IN THE BATHROOM. >> Jimmy: WELL. [ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS OFF TO A ROLLICKING START. AND IT ONLY GOT BETTER FROM THERE. >> I WANT TO THANK YOU AND CNN FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY. I WANT TO THANK PRESIDENT TRUMP AND THE U.S. MILITARY FOR PROVIDING US THE BLANKET OF FREEDOM TO DO THIS SHOW. I WANT TO CONGRATULATE DEREK JETER. THAT WAS HUGE. >> HALL OF FAME. >> ABSOLUTELY. >> HOLD ON -- >> HOLD ON, I'M ALMOST FINISHED, PLEASE. TRACE APPAREL FOR MAKING ME LOOK GOOD. >> MR. HYDE -- >> HOLD ON I'M ALMOST DONE. HONESTLY, I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF REPUBLICANS AND MYSELF FOR THE NAME CALLING THAT HAPPENED WITH YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER AT THAT BAR WITH THAT GUY THAT, YOU KNOW -- >> DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. >> SO I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I NEVER HAVE CALLED YOU THOSE NAMES, I DON'T SEE IT IN YOU. >> Jimmy: IT'S LIKE EVERY WORD IS LIKE THE WORLD'S MOST EMBARRASSING BEST MAN SPEECH. [ LAUGHTER ] CHRIS CUOMO, HE HAD TO WORK VERY HARD TO GET TO THE REASON THIS GUY WAS THERE, WHICH WAS TO TALK ABOUT LEV PARNAS. >> HERE'S WHAT I'M DOING, READY? OKAY. SO HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE? >> Jimmy: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, THIS IS WHEN I MISS CHRIS FARLEY THE MOST, AT TIMES LIKE THIS RIGHT THERE. THEN AFTER EATING UP A GOOD CHUNK OF TIME SAYING NOTHING, ROBERT HYDE HAD THE TEMERITY TO ASK FOR MORE TIME. >> JUST ASKING YOU SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT FACTS, I APPRECIATE YOU GIVING ME THE INFORMATION. >> CAN WE HAVE A FEW MORE MINUTES? >> NO, I GOT TO GO TO BREAK. >> LET'S -- I MEAN, WE GOT LIKE -- >> LET ME DO THIS. >> LARGEST TAX CUTS, 7 MILLION JOBS -- >> THIS IS ABOUT THE IMPEACHMENT. HE'LL MAKE THE CASE -- >> WHERE'S THE BRIBERY? WHERE'S THE TREASON? READ THE TRANSCRIPTS. >> THAT'S THE CASE -- >> READ THE TRANSCRIPTS. >> I'LL TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT -- >> BLACK AND WHITE LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON. [ AUDIENCE MOANING ] >> Jimmy: CHRIS CUOMO'S LIKE, NO, BEAT IT LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON.
