I TELL YOU WHAT, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR COMING TO VISIT US IN NOT-SO-SUNNY LOS ANGELES. IT'S BEEN RAINING HERE FOR TWO DAYS NOW. IT RAIN PED YESTERDAY, AND THEN THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED, IT RAINED AGAIN TODAY. I'M THINKING ABOUT SUING THE SKY. TODAY IS THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE MIRACLE ON THE HUDSON. TEN YEARS AGO TODAY, CAPTAIN SULLY SULLENBERGER LANDED THE PLANE SAFELY IN THE RIVER AND EVERYONE GOT OFF SAFELY. IF THIS HAPPENED TODAY, YOU KNOW TRUMP WOULD HAVE BLAMED AMERICA. THEY PROBABLY NEVER IMAGINED THAT TEN YEARS LATER, THE HOST OF CELEBRITY APRESENT TIGS PRENT FORCING THEM TO HAVE A YARD SALE. THERE'S STILL NO END IN SIGHT. WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO A LITTLE SOMETHING TO HELP THOSE WHO AREN'T GETTING PAYCHECKS. SO EVERY NIGHT WE'VE BEEN GIVING JOBS AT THE SHOW TO ONE OF THE 800,000 FEDERAL WORKERS OUT OF WORK. TONIGHT WE ARE GIVING WORK TO TWO FEDERAL WORKERS, THEY ARE A MARRIED COUPLE. PLEASE WELCOME MICHELLE AND FERNANDO. TELL EVERYONE HERE WHERE YOU WORK OR WORKED, I GET. >> WE WORK FOR THE IRS AS CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVES. . >> Jimmy: IRS CUSTOMER, SUDDENLY THEY'RE HAPPY THAT YOU'RE OUT OF WOURK. DO YOU GET A DISCOUNT ON YOUR TAXES? DO YOU FILE A JOINT RETURN? IS THAT WISE? >> YES, IT'S WISE. >> Jimmy: IF YOU AREN'T AT WORK, DOES THAT MEAN FEWER PEOPLE ARE GETTING AUDITED BY THE IRS? >> I'M NOT ABLE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION. >> Jimmy: ARE YOU ABLE TO ANSWER THIS? DO YOU HAVE ANY DEPEND ENTSS, CHILDREN. >> YES. >> Jimmy: I HEARD YOU WERE GOING ON VACATION, TO FRESNO BUT YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO GO BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR PAYCHECKS, WE CALLED AND THEY ARE GIVING YOU TICKETS TO BOTH THE PARKS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THERE YOU GO, WE'RE LASS GALSO G TO GIVE YOU A JOB TONIGHT. THIS IS NOT A HANDOUT SITUATION, YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR THIS. SO TED DANSON IS ON THE SHOW, AND ONE OF AMERICA'S MOST BELOVED ACTORS. BUT THIS IS SAD. TED DANSON DOESN'T HAVE AN ENTOURAGE. HE HAS NO PEOPLE. COME ON OUT HERE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HI, TED. THANK YOU FOR, SO TED, WHY DON'T, YOU'RE A BIG STAR, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE AN ENTOURAGE? >> I'VE ALWAYS WANTED ONE. I JUST NEVER COULD FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE. >> Jimmy: GREAT NEWS, I GOT THE RIGHT PEOPLE FOR YOU RIGHT HERE. >> HERE WE ARE. >> Jimmy: MICHELLE AND FERNANDO. >> GO WITH TED AND FOLLOW HIM AROUND ANG AND AGREE WITH EVERYTHING HE SAYS. >> COULD WE GO OUTSIDE? I JUST LOVE IT WHEN IT RAINS. >> WE DO TOO! >> Jimmy: EVERYBODY'S A WINNER HERE. >> JIMMY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI TO GUILLERMO, I LOVE GUILLERMO. >> WE LOVE GUILLERMO, TOO! >> OKAY. OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME. >> Jimmy: OPEN THE DOOR FOR TED, THERE YOU GO. THAT'S HOW IT GOES. PERFECT. [ APPLAUSE ] YOU KNOW, ONE REAL NEGATIVE EFFECT OF THE SHUTDOWN, LONG NUMBERS AT THE AIRPORT. TSA WORKERS HAVE BEEN CALLING IN SICK. MORE THAN TWICE AS USUAL MISSED THEIR SHIFTS YESTERDAY OPTING TO STAY HOME AND FRISK THEIR FAMILIES I GUESS. BUT THIS IS THE LINE IN ATLANTA YESTERDAY. AND SOMEBODY SHOT THIS VIDEO AND PLACED IT ONLINE. THIS IS THE LINE BEFORE THE TSA LINE. IT'S SO LOCHKNG IT GOES ALL THE THROUGH THE AIRPORT, OUTSIDE, INTO THE DESERT. YOU SEE, IT STRETCHES ALL THE WAY TO INDIA, OKAY? SO THIS IS A REAL, THIS IS A REAL INCONVENIENCE. BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT? I'M WORRIED ABOUT WHEN THE SHUTDOWN IS OVER AND THE TSA AGENTS COME BACK TO WORK EXTRA FIRED UP TO SEARCH US BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T DONE IT IN A WHILE. YOU GOT TO PROTECT YOUR CAVITIES, FOLKS. THE FEDERAL WORKERS ARE GOING, DONALD TRUMP MADE HISTORY, THE FIRST U.S. PRESIDENT EVER TO CONGRATULATE HIMSELF ON PLACING A FAST FOOD ORDER. HE TWEETED, GREAT BE BEING WITH THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS CLEMSON TIGERS. BECAUSE OF THE SHUTDOWN I FED THEM MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF FOOD, I PAID, OVER 1,000 HAMBURGERS, ET CETERA. THAT'S RIGHT. HAMBURGERS. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? THE E AND THE U AREN'T EVEN NEAR EACH OTHER ON THE KEYBOARD. IT'S LIKE IN THE MIDDLE OF TWEETING HE HAD A STROKE OR SOMETHING. OR, IS IT POSSIBLE HE THOUGHT THEY WERE CALLED HAMBURGERS UNTIL TODAY? HE TOOK THE TWEET DOWN AND CORRECTED IT, BUT NOT BEFORE HE GOT TROLLED BY AMONG OTHER PEOPLE, BURGER KING. DUE TO A LARGE ORDER YESTERDAY, WE ARE OUT OF HAMBERDERS TODAY. PUT THE TWEET UP AGAIN FOR A SECOND. I'M NOT SURE WHAT I LOVE MOST ABOUT THIS, THE FACT THAT HE WRITES HAMBERDERS OR "I PAID". THE TWEET SAID IT WAS OVER 1,000 HAMBURGERS, BUT THE SOURCE INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE CLAIMS THE NUMBER OF BURGERS WAS MUCH LOWER THAN THAT. >> WE HAVE PIZZAS, WE HAVE 300 HAMBURGERS. >> Jimmy: HE HAS TO LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING. HE CAN'T HELP IT. OR MAYBE HE'S THE OTHER 700 HAMBURGERS HIMSELF. THE OSCAR NOMINATIONS DON'T COME OUT UNTIL NEXT WEEK. BULL AS F BUT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED WE ALREADY HAVE THE BEST PICTURE. THIS, TO ME, IS THE BEST PICTURE OF THE YEAR. [ APPLAUSE ] THE HAPPIEST HE'S BEEN SINCE KIM KARDASHIAN VISITED. THIS IS IMAGE YOU SEE WHEN YOU TAKE OFF YOUR BLINDFOLD IN "BIRD BOX BOX." IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S A SUPER VILLAIN WHO SET UP A TRAP TO CATCH HIMSELF. BUT YOU CAN'T EXPECT HIM IT TO K HOW TO SPELL HAMBURGERS. WE WENT OUT ON THE STREET TO SEE IF WE COULD FIND ANYONE WHO COULD SPELL IT. ♪ ♪ >> HI THERE. SPELL HAMBURGERS. >> CAPITAL H, LOWERCASE A, M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S. >> HAMBURGERS? H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S? >> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S. >> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S. >> H-A-M-B-U-R-E-R-S? >> NO! >> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S. >> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S? >> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S? >> HAMBURGERS, OKAY, H-A-M-B-U-G-E-U-E-R-S. >> THAT WAS WORSE. >> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S? >> PICTURE A HAMBURGER IN YOUR HEAD. >> THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. H-A-M-B-U -- NO, E-R-G-U-E-R-S? >> NO. >> NOWHERE CLOSE? >> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S. >> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S. >> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-U-S? >> NO. >> M-AH-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S. >> START FROM THE TOP. >> OKAY. H-A-M. B-U-R-G-U-E? >> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S. >> HOW ABOUT HOT DOG? >> HOT DOG IS AN EASY ONE. H-O-T-D-O-G. >> ALL RIGHT, CLOSE ENOUGH. [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: MEANWHILE IN THE SENATE, DAY ONE OF TWO-DAY CONFIRMATION HEARINGS FOR WILLIAM B WILLIAM BARR. HE SAID MUELLER SHOULD BE ABLE TO CLEAT OMPLETE HIS WORK AND WI NOT LET PERSONAL OPINIONS INFLUENCE THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION. >> WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH MR. MUELLER? >> I WOULD SAY WE ARE GOOD FRIENDS. >> WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND HIM TO BE A FAIR-MINDED PERSON? >> ABSOLUTELY. >> DO YOU TRUST HIM TO BE FAIR TO THE PRESIDENT AND THE COUNTRY AS A WHOLE? >> YES. >> WHEN HIS REPORT COMES TO YOU, WILL YOU SHARE WITH US AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE? >> CONSISTENT WITH REGULATIONS AND THE LAW, YES. >> DO YOU BELIEVE MR. MUELLER WOULD BE INVOLVED IN A WITCH HUNT AGAINST ANYBODY? >> I DON'T BELIEVE MR. MUELLER WOULD BE INVOLVED IN A WITCH HUNT. JO >> Jimmy: WE'LL SEE. ALL WE KNOW IS IN THE MOVIE HE'LL BE PLAYED BY JOHN GOODMAN. OVER THE SUMMER HE WROTE A LETTER UNSOLICITED TO ROD ROSENSTEIN SHARPLY CRITICIZING THE INVESTIGATION. AND NOW WE FIND OUT HE'S CLOSE FRIEND OF ROBERT MUELLER. WHAT IF BACK WHEN IT WAS OBVIOUS TRUMP WAS GOING TO FIRE SESSIONS HE WON'T TO HIS BUDDY AND SAID I NEED AN ATTORNEY GENERAL I CAN COUNT ON. YOU WRITE A LETTER, SEND IT TO ROSENSTEIN AND LET ME HAVE IT. SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT ABOUT ME. HE'LL SHOW IT TO THE PRESIDENT. THE PRESIDENT WILL NOMINATE YOU AND WILL NAIL THIS GUY.
I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT IF
